#if someone was 16 and was groomed into being with a 25yo

[iwaasfairy]

You’re right about how people should mind their own business. I would like to add that sometimes it is necessary to inject into a relationship, especially toxic relationships. Because some ends in murder, or trauma, or a baby. Plus a teen ends up with a high school teacher is nasty (that’s the only part I disagree with you/unless if the teacher is in their 20s, but it’s weird) If two adults are happy in a relationship, then people should let them be.

Ok, I don't know why people try to read between the lines of things I said, even tho I know you're just commenting on the post- I'm not talking about relationships where a crime is being committed. I'm not talking about abusive relationships. I'm not talking about minors with adults. I'm not talking about people who are being forced, or being assaulted, or where a crime is taking place. I specified that in the post.

Two consenting adults. Two consenting adults making a choice to be together, and existing online. That's what I'm talking about.

The teacher thing I was referring to was a story of a hs gym coach in his early twenties who never had contact with his future wife in school. He happened to meet her after she was already out of high school. No grooming happened. No illegal shit. Just a consenting adult and a consenting adult, but people felt the need to start calling them out for being happily married years after the fact, when they weren't even so much as talking about their relationship. They're both in their thirties now. They were just a couple existing online.

And like I said, you're allowed to think it's weird. I also think it's a little weird if someone in their mid twenties wants to date a 19yo. But that's exactly the thing I was saying, ok. People infantilize young women, and then deny they're doing it.

You want to tell me a 21yo is old enough to vote, work, drink, drive, fuck whoever they want, go into sex work, have a baby, adopt a child, get their entire body covered in tattoos, get tossed into big adult jail, buy a whole house and get criPPLING debt

but not to date another consenting adult?

Really. Really? And you don't think that's sort of insulting to the young woman in question? All that, but you think it's ok to harass her because she's dating a 29 year old? If you think that's a little silly, then you agree with the point I was making.

And if you genuinely think "yea that's how it should be", then I just don't. agree with you. People only do this to young women. They only do this to women, not to men. It's degrading and gross and anti-woman.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I heard you like fandom-y/chronically online ones so heres a recent one from me

So i (21F) was very into a certain show/fandom when i was around 14-16. This show had a mostly male cast consisting of a group of teens aged 15-17 and a 25yo man who was very attractive. I personally live by the "ship the character youre most attracted to x the character you project the most onto" way of shipping, and in this show the character i related most to was a 15f like me and was very gnc and dressed and acted like me. As you may have guessed, i shipped the 15yo with the 25yo for some time. It didnt last long, the 2 characters didnt interact much after the first seasons so i just forgot about it and grew out of it. I honestly forgot i ever shipped it and now that im older id never think to ship this or any similar dinamic or age gap like this. Also no i have never been groomed or have daddy issues or anything theres no context or INFO there i just thought the guy was rlly hot lmao.

Fast forward to now, someone i recently started being mutuals with began stalking me and scrolled down through 7 YEARS of my tumblr and eventually found my posts from when i was in that fandom. They went apeshit and screenshotted everything and showed their friends who all started attacking me for shipping that when all the posts were from 6-7 years ago. They said that since the posts were still up that means i still support the ship.

The posts themselves were mostly me reblogging fanart of the ship (nothing nsfw) and the ocasional original post from me talking about a screenshot/scene in the show w both characters

If i could find the posts id just delete them and be done w it but the person just screenshotted the posts and didnt interact w them + the search function is shit so i gen cannot find the posts easily and i dont want to waste hours scrolling down my own blog. I tried explaining why i liked it when i was a teenager and how im nowhere near that same mindset anymore but they refused to listen and just kept attacking me until i blocked them.

Could i have handled this better? I didnt think i was TA for shipping it as a teenager but now im not sure. For now tho the AITA question would be

AITA for not deleting posts/reblogs from when i was a teenager that were about a rlly bad ship?

What are these acronyms?

[hoxtilicioustf2]

Antis make me, a minor csa and abuse survivor with pure ocd, feel threatened and scared at every turn

I’m sorry you are forced to feel this way by them.

I really just hope you are not part of their circles, and if so, find a way to escape.

That’s the thing - I know there are people out there with pure ocd, and its subset pedophile ocd, just like you, and I know antis can really harm these types of people. (Click for info on Pedophile OCD  - intended for others to be kept in the picture)

This is why I would love to find a way to prove them, what they are doing is wrong, incorrect, pointless, and just hurts people, and I keep winning arguments, but they just don’t listen, and instead block me! So I just gave up and started blocking them.

I have very high standards on what pedophilia entails. But I work with realistic things, not fictional. Though, I suppose I should say this - friendly reminder, I’m an adult. If you have POCD, other type of Pure-OCD, have dated a minor in the past and regret it, you can follow me. The only reason why I put that up is because I’ve met a pedophile before and I’ve developed these standards to protect others. And if you are unsure - shoot an ask off-anon. I don’t slander folk and I will answer privately. Fiction does not directly correlate to reality is the thing. I know I sometimes say “doesn’t affect at all” but that was me being pissed and salty, it has some effect, but in a completely different manner.In my opinion, thinking ‘if you watch/ship x you turn into a nasty pedophile’ is either a symptom of a type of Pure-O, or just foolish to think. It is not correct, and exposing yourself to small doses of that can actually help with healing, I’ve seen antis believe that fictional character feelings are equal to real life people feelings, which is a horribly delusional thing to think. Fictional characters are fictional characters. They are not real. They were one day created by a artist, or a team of producers, just like a OC. They weren’t suddenly born, in some far away world, that day. They are generally fragments of an artist’s mind. They can represent their personality, their friend’s personality, a mixture, they can represent intrusive thoughts, some are just personified plot elements, their fantasies, etc. You as a writer or artist work with your extension of that. You add your ideas, your plot, your fun. And then you write/draw something wonderful, it might be dark, it might be rough, but maybe deep down, it helps you free some of the intrusive thoughts. It helps you alleviate fears. It helps you become a better person.So what about the cases where “fiction DOES affect reality” ? One word: “Romanticization”. This generally only applies to fiction targetted at masses, such as Hollywood movies, bestseller books, etc. If rape/abuse/pedophilia is romanticized, aka made appear as good while it really isn’t, a small portion of the audience, generally younger audience, can now think “huh, maybe something like this is ok” And someone can abuse that.* But what is the best course of action? “Don’t watch said movie” is actually not. Giving critique toward the movie, saying it romanticizes elements it shouldn’t, is good, it also lowers the movie/book’s rating. Informing people who have watched that movie that this isn’t actually a good thing but a bad thing to do in real life can help. There are many ways. I will return to this later.But what if you enjoy a wicked fetish, want to write for adult audience but some of them might just be dumb bitches? Add a disclaimer on start! And that’s that. You know, on dangerous videos it’s that “don’t try this at home”. Exactly that. Generally I only see romanticization of bad things done in fanfiction by younger writers, like 13yos who should have no business in NSFW areas by US law. Everyone older generally understood what they were writing about, sadly still got backlash for it by people who only read the tags. Their work was always good, and they were great people, they just quickly jumped to conclusions.*Now let me return to the starred area.Fanfiction is a thing. An item. It’s a tool used to express the writer. It harms no one as a stand alone. Imagine a knife. Good utility, can cut vegetables, can help you with survival in wild areas. As a stand alone, a great asset.Now imagine a malicious person coming along and using said knife to murder someone, hurt someone.Now you have 1 case in a billion where a knife has been used to harm. And Antis want to ban knifes, and say everyone manufacturing and using knives is a bad person. Even if they used it to cut vegetables for chicken noodle soup for their loved ones.Even if they used it to not freeze in the forest overnight. Even if they used it harmlessly.This is exactly what fanfiction is. And this applies to ALL fanfiction, regardless if morally “good” or “bad”. If a teenage girl dreams of a tall muscular 20yo hot boyfriend, as a stand alone, nothing wrong. If someone 20yo comes along, and knows how to twist words very well, starts dating said teenage girl because she’s “easy to get” and then starts abusing her, is it really the teenage girl’s fault for dreaming? Is it really the fiction’s fault for grooming her? No! It’s the man’s fault. And we should never forget that, otherwise we engage in victim blaming, or blaming-a-person-that-has-nothing-to-do-with-this instead of the perpetrator, who should by all means be blamed.Another sample, a 25yo on forums. He can take the safest fanfiction out there, of a 16 and 17 yo, send it to a 13yo, equate the characters to their personality (the characters being general enough to match) and then saying yeah, we would make a nice couple.There was nothing wrong with this fanfiction, but still we have a poor 13yo groomed to a gross bastard? Really makes you think.Now, actually, if a groomer like this just  were to read the tags like antis do, and sends fanfic to a young’un and it’s not romanticized, like really not romanticized, and the young’un can understand this is bad, this can actually soil his plans. Which is why a lot of this “bad fanfiction” could turn out actually excellent, although this is theory as I don’t know of any case to confirm of deny this. Sorry I just wanted to say what was on my mind. I really just wanted to clarify to you that you’re never wrong for liking anything “fucked up” and if you have POCD, I know you might have intrusive thoughts so I just wanted to help you a bit. Again I’m an adult, you can write to me off-anon, say you want this private, I won’t publish. I’ll try my best to help you, as much as my time allows me to.I hope none of this was triggering to you. Apologies if it was. I too have some trauma, not csa per-se but there were some nasty elements to it, so I kinda understand.