Itty Bitty Sinners Chapter 1.7: Brain and Heart
Tw: Blood, violence (mentioned)
Suppressing feelings, stealing, threatening, plenty of cursing, blackmail, lying to a loved one, keeping secrets, lmk If I should add.
'Help me when I'm too detached and cold
Give me the vitality that I need to trust love more
Blood to the water, neither can fuel us alone
Fervency in my arteries, passion bloomin' through my bones
Heartstrings trigger emotion streams
Agape loves a journey, red rivers connect all of me
But, but be it steadfast, don't you disappoint me
Sometimes I think you're all I need, wise beyond belief.'
~Melanie Martinez, Brain & Heart.
~~~Charlie and Vaggie:The next day~~~
Charlie woke up that day feeling sorta…
Out of it.
Like there was a weight on her chest that couldn't be lifted.
Caring for Vaggie almost always made her feel joyous and inspired, but today?
Today she was worried! Why was Vaggie so hesitant to regress? Why was she repressing?
Was she abandoning her precious baby girl? Why was she talking like she was unimportant?
Nope, this will not do! She had to talk to her girlfriend! And she will not rest until she does!
So, Charlie told everyone that there would be no exercises today, but encouraged them to hang out and talk amongst each other.
She then asked Vaggie to meet her in their room so they can talk.
"Charlie, what's going on?" Vaggie asks. "We had a whole thing planned today." She says as they enter their bedroom.
"We'll do it tomorrow." Charlie promises. "But, for today. I think maybe it would be best to spend some time together, just you and me."
"Why? Are you feeling little?" Vaggie asks, concerned for Charlie.
Charlie shakes her head. "No, I'm just worried about you. You've been repressing, worrying about me, and yesterday you said that you felt like you were in my way.” She explains. “I can't just ignore that.”
Vaggie looked away from her. "Yeah, you can." She mumbles.
“Vaggie?” Charlie asks.
Vaggie sighs. “It's nothing, okay? I just know how busy you've gotten lately.” She lies. "I didn't want to add something to your plate, that's all."
Charlie frowns, she sits down on the bed and takes Vaggie's hand. “Vaggie, you know you're very important to me, right?” She asks.
Vaggie nods. “Yeah, I know.”
“More important than anyone or anything.” Charlie says. “You're never in the way, ever. I don't understand why you'd think you are. You're my girlfriend. And I love you so much."
And she does, sometimes so much it hurt.
She's loved so many people...
But none like Vaggie.
Vaggie was her world, her everything.
She needed Vaggie to know that she was loved.
Vaggie squeezes Charlie’s hand, then looks up at her…
She wished she could pour her heart to Charlie, tell her the truth…
Why she wasn't as important as the sinners,
Why her feelings were invalid,
Why she didn't...deserve any of the wonderful things Charlie gave her.
But, Charlie can't know about it, any of it.
It'll break her to know.
Vaggie forces a smile. “I know, babe. I love you too. It's just that- I just-”
Charlie looks at her with the most patience she has ever seen, from anyone.
“I don't want you to worry about me.” Vaggie says. “They're actually more important than me right now. You have this deadline. You have to prove redemption works. How can you do that if you're so focused on me?” Vaggie asks.
Charlie takes Vaggie's face in her hands next and looks at her closely. “No one, I repeat, No One is more important than you are to me. Not Pentious, not Angel, not Alastor, No one.” She says. “You are not just my girlfriend, but you are my whole world, Vaggie. No one could ever mean more to me than you. If redemption works, we'll prove it together. But not at the expense of your mental well-being. Do you understand me?” She asks.
Vaggie nods.
“Good. So, no more repressing?" Charlie asks.
Vaggie nods. "No more repressing."
"Good." Charlie hugs her.
And Vaggie holds her closely. "Charlie?"
"Yeah?"
Vaggie frowns again.
She shouldn't be so important. She's hurt thousands of sinners…
“What is it?” Charlie asks her again.
“I'm sorry.” Vaggie says. “I didn't mean to worry you.” A tear falls down Vaggie's face.
“I know, it's okay.” Charlie says. "I'm not upset with you." She promises.
Vaggie let Charlie go, and she paces the room. “I just- I know how important this is, not just to you, but it's important to me. I feel like everything is always at risk, all the time. Like I could lose you in a second and-!"
Charlie interupts her by taking her hand.
Vaggie's hands are shaking. "I don't want to lose you.” Vaggie says, tears finally falling, the dam that protected her from expressing all of this... it wasn’t strong enough. “I worry about what all of this will bring sometimes.”
“You won't lose me.” Charlie promises. “Whatever happens, we'll figure it out together."
Vaggie nods. “Yeah, I know. It's just hard.”
“I know what you mean.” Charlie says, frowning now too. “But, I promise we'll be okay.”
Vaggie wraps her arms around Charlie again, she just wanted to feel safe, like heaven and hell didn't exist anymore. Like it could all go away, and it can just be her and Charlie.
“But-” Charlie starts to say.
Vaggie looks up at her, seeing that Charlie was smiling, but something was wrong...
Or just- upsetting.
“If you get redeemed… that wouldn't be a bad way for this to end.” Charlie says.
“Charlie, no-”
“I'm only saying! You deserve better than this hell you've been forced to endure. I know you have this thing, I know you want to protect me, but what I want is to give you paradise.” She says.
Vaggie sighs, and grabs Charlie's shoulders. “Fuck heaven, Charlie! I don't want heaven, I only want you. You ARE my paradise!”
“And you are mine.” Charlie smiles, hugging her back tightly as a tear falls down her face.
Charlie hugged her beloved again, she wanted to hold Vaggie forever and never let her go.
But-
It would be selfish to keep Vaggie here…
Even if she is everything Charlie ever wanted, ever needed.
She can't keep her forever…can she?
~~~The Hazbins:~~~
Angel needed a plan...
He can't let Alastor tell the others about his regression; it would ruin everything he has accomplished.
He felt like he could actually be friends with these weirdos. Like they could take him seriously.
How can they possibly take him seriously if they know the truth about him?
Wasn't it bad enough that he's treated like less than human at work?
Wasn't it bad enough that he was the slut of the group?
The idiot who sold his soul to a moth?
No, he can't let this happen, he had to think of a way to stop that mother-
"Hey." Husk says to Angel as he reaches the end of the stairs.
"Hey." Angel smiles back, walking over to the bar where Husk was working. "How you doin?"
Husk smiles. "No new complaints from me." He says. "And you?"
Angel shrugs. "I don't know...I never really do."
Husk nods, and sighs exasperatingly. "Yeah."
Angel sits at the counter...still wondering what the fuck he was gonna do...Alastor is-
Then he perks up...
Husk! Of course.
"Uh- hey, Husk?"
Husk's ears perk up as he looks at him.
"Just- between us. What's Al's deal?” Angel asks.
“His deal?” Husk asks back.
“Is he a little? Is he some type of pet? I need something on him.” Angel says.
“Why?” Husk asks. "Did something happen between you two?"
“No! I- I just need something, okay? I'll take anything weird and personal.” Angel says.
“Do you have any idea what Al would do to me if he found out I gave you that kind of information?” Husk asks.
“I won't tell him where I got it.” Angel says.
"Do you have any idea what he could do to you?" Husk asks.
"I ain't afraid of him." Angel says. "Come on, I know you have something."
“Nice try.” Husk says. “Now, what's really going on?” Husk asks.
Angel looks down. “Well, I-”
“Hello!” A voice says behind them.
They both turn to look at their snake-like friend.
Angel smiles. “Hi Pen.”
“Hey.” Husk says to the snake.
"What are you two up to?" Pentious asks.
"Just talking." Husk says.
"Ooo what about?" Pen asks.
"Nothin. Really." Angel gives Husk a look, maybe of disappointment? Or anger? Husk wasn't sure. But he didn't exactly appreciate it, so he gave him a quick look back.
Angel was just like this sometimes...it wasn't anything serious...
Was it?
Vaggie walked downstairs next, walking toward the kitchen before Pentious turns and smiles at her. “Vaggie!"
Vaggie stops and smiles. "Oh, Pen. Hi."
"Um, how are you feeling?” Pentious asks.
“I'm good.” Vaggie smiles at him, rubbing her arm anxiously. "Thanks." She says.
"Of course." Pentious says.
"And- are you doing okay?" Vaggie asks back.
"I'm fine, actually, better than I've felt in a long time." Pentious says.
"I'm glad to hear it." Vaggie says. "I have to go, but I'll talk to you later." She says.
The two smile at each other, and Vaggie walks away, and moves towards the kitchen.
Pentious then turns back to Husk and Angel who stared at him with confusion. “What?”
“Since when are you two so...close?” Angel asks.
“Oh, we're not!” Pentious says. “We just chatted a bit yesterday and as it turns out, we have a lot in common. I believe we could start a friendship.” He says.
“Huh.” Angel shrugs. “Good for you. I guess."
“There's nothing weird about it!" Pentious says defensively.
"Okay?" Angel says, eyebrow raised.
"We didn't- I mean, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. We were simply talking. Nothing else!" Pentious says.
Angel rolls his eyes. "Pen, let me make this easier for you. We. Don't. Care." Angel says slowly. "In fact, we couldn't care less about- whatever that was."
"Oh, that- that is easier. Thank you."
"Don't mention it." Angel says.
"You ready, boss?" A small egg creature asks, appearing out of nowhere.
"Anywho, I'm taking my eggbois to the park, cheerio." Pentious says.
They watch as Pentious and his eggbois leave the hotel, then Husk and Angel turn back to one another.
Husk grabbed something from under the counter. “So, what were you saying?” He asks.
Angel looks up and sighs. “Forget it, I'll figure this out myself.” He says before walking back upstairs.
“What's his deal?” Husk asks out loud, to no one really.
“Oh, don't worry about Angel, Husker. He's just a little…sensitive right now.”
Alastor...
Husk looks behind him, and then the radio demon shadows his way to one of the seats at the bar. (Or however someone would describe what Alastor does.)
"What did you do to Angel?"
"Nothing." Alastor says.
"I don't believe you." Husk says. "He seemed upset and you seem to be the cause of it. Listen, I don't care what you do to me, but leave him alone."
"Relax, Husker. I have no ill intentions." Alastor promises.
Husk raised up an eyebrow. "Good, because you wouldn't want me to call YOUR caregiver, would you?"
Alastor stops and turns to Husk, a smile still on his face, but his eyes are threatening. “What was that?” He asks
Husk crosses his arms, but takes a step back. Yes, he's scared of Alastor, but he cares about Angel more.
"Like I said, I don't care what you do to me, but leave Angel alone." Husk tells him.
Alastor chuckles. "Oh, Husker. You are a funny one.” He pets Husk's fur and lightly touches his nose. “Don't be alarmed, dear. I have no intention of hurting your… little spider friend."
Alastor dissappears in his shadow, his grin wider than ever.
Husk sighs in relief. He was sure that wasn't going to work out in his favor.
But he's alive...he'll take that as a win for now.
~~~The V's:~~~
Velvette had fallen asleep on Vox's chest but woke up snuggled up with only her doll.
She looked around and couldn't find her caregiver.
“Voc?” Velvette asks. “Voooooc!” A small voice shouts.
Velvette whines, where is he!?
“Velvette, what are you doing?” Valentino asks, having heard her shouting from the next room.
“Voc gone!” Velvette says. “Can no fin him!”
“Vox is downstairs, Princessa.” Val says. "Here, let's fix your hair for today then join him for breakfast." Val says.
"No!" Velvette whines. "Nee' see Voc now!" She demands.
"Velvette, can I please help you with your hair first?" He asks, his eyes are horrible but he can see how messy her beautiful curles were.
"Mtay." She reluctantly agrees. "Den we get Voc!" She says.
"Deal." Val says.
He takes her to the bathroom to help her with her hair for the day, putting it up with two buns. "Okay, I think that's good for now."
“Nee’ Voc! Now!” She demands.
Valentino rolls his eyes but nods. "Okay, sassy girl. We can go see Vox now."
"Not sassy." She mumbles.
"Whatever you say." Val chuckles.
Velvette tugs on Val's wings.
Valentino looks at her confused. "Yes?"
"Up!" Velvette demanded.
"Now, what's the magic word?" Valentino asks. Vox may tolerate her demanding nature, but he surely wouldn't.
"P'ease?" Velvette whines.
"Alright, babydoll." Valentino chuckles, picking her up and walking to the kitchen.
~~~
Valentino hands Velvette over to Vox without warning. "This is yours." He says.
“Hey-” Vox quickly tries to carry her with one arm since he currently had coffee in the other. "What the hell, Val?" Vox asks, setting his coffee on the counter.
"She wanted you." Valentino shrugs, getting out the milk and orange juice and placing them on the table.
Except what he put on the table was ice tea and lemonade.
Vox set Velvette down on a chair and switched out the beverages to the correct ones.
Velvette felt sad when she was set down...she wanted her caregiver. "Voc?" She asks.
Vox sits next to her and smiles. "Yes, Velvette, what is it?"
Kitty (their fizzy robot) served them pancakes and bacon with a huge smile on her face.
Velvette's eyes fill with tears, the dam was damaged and there was no going back. She just wanted Vox now, she wanted to be held and to be told everything was going to be okay.
She reaches for Vox as she cries quietly. "Voc."
Vox picks her up and sets her on his lap. “Hey, hey, hold on, sweetheart. What's going on?" Vox asks. "What happened?"
“She- she was mad at me.” Velvette says, "Das why I set." She says.
Vox looks at Val who looks just as confused. “Who was mad at you, babydoll?” Val asks.
“Cawmilla.” Velvette mumbles.
“Carmilla?” Vox asks her.
“She was mean to me at da mee'ing.” She says. “She yelleded and saids mean fings to me, member?” Velvette asks them.
“That's what this was about?” Vox asks. "Carmilla rejecting your idea at the meeting?"
Velvette nods.
Velvette did mention something about Zestial and Carmilla not taking her suggestion of defending themselves against the angels seriously, but she didn't seem that upset about it, merely annoyed with the older than dust overlords.
“Ohh, so we're killing Carmilla then?” Val asks. “We're going to go kill a bitch? I'm up for that.” He says, getting up and heading for his tower to get his newly bedazzled gun.
“Stop.” Vox grabs Valentino's wings and pulls him back. “We're not killing Carmilla, Val.”
“Pretty sure we are, she made Velvette cry.” Valentino says.
“We will talk about this later, just sit down.” Vox demanded.
Valentino does, crossing his arms. “You're no fun.” He pouts.
“That's what made you so upset, Vel? That happened a few weeks ago. Were you suppressing all of this the whole time?” He asks.
Velvette looks away from Vox, nor wanting to answer that question...
“I'm not mad, I just want to know.” Vox tells her.
“Yes, you're not in any trouble, Princessa.” Val adds.
Velvette sniffles. “I’ wa’ tupid.” Vel says.
“It's not stupid if it upsets you, Velbelle.” Vox says.
Velvette's tears pour faster, so she tries to dry them with her sleeves.
Vox turns to Val and gestures for him to grab the diaper bag that was left in the livingroom.
Val rolled his eyes, but did grab it and hand it to Vox.
“Vel, I'm sorry she was mean to you.” Vox says, grabbing a baby wipe from the bag to clean her face. “Carmilla is just jealous because you're a hundred percent smarter than she is, and she knows it. Old people don't like when young people know more than them.”
“No one wisten to me. Never!” She complains. “Bu’ I do good.” She pouts.
“I know, it sucks. Carmilla's a bitch.” Vox says. “I'm sorry I can't fix this for you, babydoll. If I could I would-”
“You could…” Val hints to him.
“Val, if you even try to touch her, she'll kill you…twice.” Vox explains.
“Hmm. What if I just make one of her kids cry?” Valentino suggests. “It would make me feel better.”
“She'll probably kill you three times if you attempted that.” Vox says. “If you're lucky.”
“Ugh, you never let me kill anyone!” Val whines.
Vox rolls his eyes, but Velvette giggles. “Vaw funny.” She says.
“Yeah, he's funny alright.” Vox agrees with a hint of sarcasm to his tone.
Velvette snuggles closer to Vox.
“You feeling a bit better?” Vox asks her.
Velvette nods. “Yea, a bit be'ah.”
And she was, she's just glad she can finally relax. And she was glad Vox was here to help her relax.
“It's okay to talk about your feelings, Velvette.” Vox promises. “I know it's been hard for you in the past, but you're safe now. We're not going to make you feel bad for having them. I'd rather you get upset than to see you break down because you pushed all those big feelings down. Okay?”
Velvette nods. “M'tay, Voc.” She says.
Vox holds Velvette close and rocks her gently. “I'm very proud of you for talking to us, Vel. You did so good.” He praised.
"You really did, darling." Valentino agrees.
Velvette smiles and hides her face in Vox’s shoulder. She's happy that they feel that way, but she doesn't know how to take what they said, so she just hides.
Vox and Val smile at each other.
Vox just holds her for a bit.
He never wanted to let her go.
He hated to see Velvette so upset.
"How about we all take the day off?" Vox suggests. "We can relax, play some games...?"
"Yeah!" Velvette giggles excitedly. "We cu' pway wif dolls! Day can has a fashn' show!"
"Sounds good to me." Valentino says.
"Me too." Vox agrees. "After breakfast, we can play with dolls as long as you want." He promises. “Sound good?”
“Yeah!” She giggles happily.
She loves little days!
~~~Angel: That night~~~
Angel needed something on Al.
He didn't want to do anything crazy...he just needed some blackmail in case Alastor tried something.
So, of course, Angel walked downstairs and snuck into Charlie’s office.
He looks through her desk to try and find the results to that stupid test, she had to have them in here somewhere.
Where would Charlie hide them?
He checks the drawers of her desk and has no luck. But then he sees the filing cabinet.
He looks through it and finds the file with the test results. "Gotcha." He whispers, as he turns to leave he knocks over something that was on the desk. "Shit."
He knows this is wrong, but what else can he do? He can't convince Alastor of anything- no one can!
It's Alastor's fault, he started it, that's all there is to it.
Angel takes the file, hides it in his jacket and sneaks back out of the office, careful to not step on whatever fell off the desk as he avoided making any more noise.
He manages to get out of her office with no issue.
“Angel?" A voice asks before he could even make it to the stairs.
Angel jumps and looks behind him. "Charlie...hi.”
The princess has a huge smile on her face as always. "Couldn't sleep either?" She asks.
"Um...nope." he says.
“Can we maybe talk? For a second?" She asks him.
Shit.
“What about?” He asks her.
“It's nothing serious.” She says. “I just wanted to check in on you, make sure you're doing okay.”
“I'm fine.” He says quickly.
“Are you sure? Ever since we asked about the classification test, you've been-”
“I said I'm fine.” Angel growls. “I don't need your stupid test!”
“I wasn't-”
“Can we drop this? Please?” Angel asks.
“Yeah. Of course. I'm so sorry. I didn't-”
“Stop apologizing.” He says.
She shouldn't be apologizing…
She didn't do anything.
“Angel…Are you-”
“I said I'm fine.” Angel tells her. "Just- drop it. Okay?"
Charlie's head drops to the floor. “Yeah...okay.”
He suddenly feels cold, ice cold…
‘Tony, I can help you. This sickness you have, it can be helped.’
‘I don't need your help.’ He growled.
Molly rested a hand on his shoulder. ‘Please, Tony…’
'Stop!' He pushes her away, her head hitting the wall hard.
‘Molly- I- I didn't mean to-’
His sister gets up, the back of her head bleeding a little.
Angel feels a painful, horrible feeling in his chest, he looks over at the princess who's walking away, similar to how she did when she tried to stand up to Val. “Charlie-” He shouts, trying to get her attention.
Charlie looks back at him. “Yes?”
“I'm sorry…It-it was just a long week.” He explains.
Charlie smiles. “It's okay, I know work isn't easy.” She says, walking back over to him and taking two of his hands.
Angel nods, his breath slowing down, but not as fast as he needs it to.
Charlie makes eye contact. “I mean it, it's okay.” She says. “If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. I won't judge- or pity you. Oh! We can even have a drink and talk if that's easier!” She suggests.
Angel smiles. “Thanks…maybe I'll take you up on that…someday.”
Charlie smiles. “I hope you do. I know I've been spending a lot of time with Pentious. I forget to tell you sometimes just how proud I am of the progress you've made. You really are doing such a great job here. No one deserves redemption more than you do.”
Angel feels a sharp pain in his chest. “I- uh. I should try to get some sleep.” He says.
“Yeah, good plan.” Charlie says. “Rest up for tomorrow. Another fun day of super fun activities!”
“Yeah, looking forward to it.” He lies.
“Rest well!” She says.
“Thanks…”
He walks to his room and closes the door.
Yeah, Angel pretty much hates himself now…
But honestly…
How's that different from any other day?
'When did humans start to separate
Brain and heart as if they could stay alive alone?
Flip it around the other way
If they were apart and you had no power start or database
Only a shell remains
What fun is it, to be so calculated
Or be taken advantage of, 'cause your heart's too trusting
Silent expressed push my head into my chest
Bind them up, forever wed
"Don't drift too far, " they said.'
~Melanie Martinez, Brain & Heart.
Possum note:
Guess who has two thumbs and had a mental breakdown... this guy!
Hahaha.
Mental illness is so fun! I love it! So much! lol
I was having such a good week too, darn it. :/
Anywaaaaaayyyyzzzzzzzz
What did you all think of the chapter? Half decent at least I hope?
If not, better chapters are on their way.
Thank you all for your support, and being my safe place. I appreciate all of you! Every comment, kudo, any support. You have no idea, guuys, it means everything to me!
I hope you all are doing well, you have the bestist day ever and you all are safe and okay 💕
If you're not, that's okay too. And remember it's okay to talk about stuff.
And remember also that bad days don't last forever. Tomorrow is always possible.
Good song for bad days: Tomorrow will be kinder by the secret sisters.
It's my comfort song. It would be the song for every chapter if I had to just pick 1 song. Lol 🎵 🎶
@todayimfour @trophyxtissues2 @innocentlittlelambsnursery @ask-dusty-boy @dex-dawn @abby5577 @babiegurlmuffin
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