#if you're my employer i would like to make it clear that this post contains a JOKE and i do actually do my job

[mylittleredgirl]

genuine thank you to creatives who reblog their own stuff five times because otherwise i miss cool shit and i need to maintain my reputation of being on here 24/7. which i am. but sometimes my app crashes 20 posts down the dash so i still miss cool shit despite my diligent commitment to not having a life. anyway thank you from the heart.

[my-inner-fabulous-pose]

Twitter's Customer Support, Ain't Shit.

Some context.

I've been using Twitter for a while now, about 4 or 5 years. However I have technically had my account much longer than when I had started to actively use it. Apparently when I was about 10 or 11 I decided to make a Twitter account which I promptly forgot about until I decided to make an account again about 4 or 5 years later (2013-2014). Now imagine my surprise when I find that I not only already have an account but said account is from 2009 that I had no knowledge of. Well seeing as it was already there I decided to use it, just refurbish it to erase all the 11 year old from it. I mean it wouldn't let me make another account using the same email so I really didn't have much of a choice.

Turns out that in order to get a Twitter Account you have to be 13 or over meaning my younger self had lied about his year of birth and when I tried to change it to be accurate it wouldn't let me change the date past 1995 (I just set it to that because it was the closest I could get). This would continue for the next 4-5 years up to present time. Ecstatic that I could finally fix the date after all these years of effectively being force to lie about it I quickly changed it it's actual year. Given the fact that I could change it at all to an earlier or later date it stands to reason that they would be no penalty for setting your birthday to something earlier than the date you set originally, right? Wrong. Apparently doing so will result in the system locking your account because it has a record of when your account was created logged and double checks it with the date you created the account automatically, locking you out without warning. So not only am I locked out of my Twitter account, but I'm locked out for something that happened 9 years ago that wouldn't have even happened had a been allowed to make a new account under the same email 5 years ago.

But that's not all. Seeing that this error should be relatively minor and explainable I look to their customer service to clear this up. The link that they provided on the page explaining my locked account and it linked me to this Review Request page where you can have you locked account evaluated and resolved.

They require you enter all your details (the ones used to get the account) and then proof of your identity like a liscence or passport, that they swear they'll delete after use (yeah right).

So I enter in the details and send in a picture of my photo ID and they send me this message saying they'll go over it and get back to me. This was last night.

My sleep schedules all messed up so I stay up all night watching YouTube and surfing through Tumblr to pass the time, while I wait for the response. I figured this could possibly take days so I had prepared to wait it out, but too my surprise I got this response this morning (just before making this post).

Hey guys. Wanna guess who's account still isn't unlocked?

Yup despite getting this response almost two hours ago at the time of making this post I am still locked out of my account despite them having "Restored Access" to my account.

Seeing as this clearly automated system obviously wasn't going to work I turned to doing it the old fashioned way. All I'd have to do is call Twitter's Customer Service center and get this sorted out with an actual employee, that way I can actually explain my situation and get some real feedback and explainations. Well after a bit of search I found Twitter's Customer service number. 415-222-9670. I rung the number and got an pre recorded response telling me to press 1 for customer support, 2 for comunication and 3 for employment verification (useless). So I press 1 for customer support and when I do the automated voice says, and I quote "Unfortunately Twitter does not provide user support over the telephone, to find information and answers to your questions please visit, support.twitter.com. If you are unable to find what you're looking for our help center contains information about contacting or team via email."

If Twitter doesn't supply user support via telephone, THE WHY THE FLYING FRUITY F*** DO YOU HAVE A CUSTOMER SUPPORT LINE IN THE FIRST PLACE?! What kind of backwards ass practice is that?! First you prevent me from making a new account, then you prevent me from fixing the details of the account, for 4-5 years mind you, then once I do finally fix it you automatically lock me out of my account for something that happened 9 years ago that I've been trying to fix this whole time, then when I try to fix it you have me submit personal information and then lie about unlocking my account, and then when I look to your phone support you tell me, "Lol gotcha, we don't actually have phone support. Go send an email Shithead". Twitter can seriously F*** right off with that, I'm not having it.

I still need to unlock my account so I will be sending a email (hopefully it'll reach an actual person who can help me) and I wwill try to remain civil despite my gripes but I just wanted to point out the conga line of bullshit this process have been so far. Twitter needs to get their shit together and I feel that this automated only system needs to seriously be addressed, nuanced problems like this require real human responses. This system is far too harsh and unrelenting, especially when the problem itself is the results of the actions of an 11 year child.

Update:

Apparently there is no email. Besides the email for the communications department (that I'm not even sure works) meaning the only way to get in content with them is through their help center which doesn't allow you to enter enough information to explain you issue in full or start up any kind of dialogue between you and an employee. Why in God's name is there no way to discuss your issue directly with anyone with Twitter. Submitting my ID to Twitter just caused them to change my date of Birth which just trigger the system to automatically lock my account again, abd since I can't explain why the same is wrong if I submit it again the same problem will arise. Effectively my account is stuck in purgatory because Twitter decided it was a great idea to shut out their consumer and automate all their security processes, meaning their is no room to for discerning between cases. In essence I am forced to wait for the miracle of Twitter actually responding to me directly or delete my account and start over from scratch.

If anyone can provide help in any way it would be much appreciated.