#if your partner irl is this scared of horror tho....

[heraldeez]

Fright Night

Jayce x Reader | 4.4K | NSFW

Warning/Tags: fingering, cock warming, unprotected PnV, multiple orgasms, light overstimulation, and a tiiiny bit of Jayce bullying

Jayce can’t handle horror. Like, at all. You, on the other hand, are an absolute horror buff – so with false bravado, he agrees to a scary movie night.

A/N: Call this fic fondue, with the way it’s dripping cheese.

Happy pre-Halloween, everyone! I’m an absolute Halloween enthusiast, so the dialogue and premise in this one are super cheesy and self indulgent. Tis the season. 🎃

Technically I came up with the bones for this one all the way back in May/June-ish (wdym you aren’t plotting for Halloween before summer even starts? 🤔) and had a little chuckle when my months old concept lined up perfectly with the Arcane Halloweek prompt for day two, Scary Movies.

As always, a big thanks to my discord beloveds for peering over my shoulder to hype me up about Jayce’s balls.

Enjoy! :]

---

“Does it have to be scary scary?” Jayce whines, already hiding in your shoulder. “Couldn’t we just… I don’t know, watch Halloween Town or something? Or, ooh, Hocus Pocus. That’s scary!”

“Absolutely not.” Your answer is swift and buoyant, an unambiguous negative to both the movie suggestion and the implication that Hocus Pocus was a genuinely scary film, not looking away from where you’re flicking through the streaming menus. October has finally rolled around, and you aren’t going to let the occasion go uncelebrated.

The screen rolls through movie after movie, flicking to the next, judging them based on a highly important personal merit system – including deeply sophisticated metrics, such as how much fake gore they had budget for or how many times you’d get to joke with Jayce about the tits on screen.

“It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown?” Jayce tries weakly. He already knows your answer.

Your grin is sharp as you stumble over a promising new release, and Jayce groans when you select it, the trailer beginning an eerie musical score as you flip through the confirmation screen.

“You said you could handle it when I asked you to have a scary movie night, Jayce,” you tut, good naturedly. “Where’d all that bravado go?”

Leaping to your feet – startling your boyfriend in the process, who makes his displeasure known immediately with a high-pitched noise of malcontent and some extremely dignified grabby hands, reaching for your retreating form – you stalk over to the lightswitch and cast the room into darkness, only the dim flickering of the television screen lighting up your adorable boyfriend.

“Oh, come on – really?” Jayce snaked his arms anxiously around a pillow in your absence, cotton squishing under his thick biceps.

You tug it from his grip and toss it over the back of the couch playfully, plopping down next to him and drawing him tight up against your side before he can lament your pillow-related cruelty.

You blow the screen a teasing kiss. “It’s October 1st, baby. Gotta set the ambience correctly, or Halloween won’t bless us with good candy this year.”

Jayce wraps his arms tight around your waist, whole body curling around you with his cheek squished into your shoulder. You can hear him grumble about how you’re adults who buy their own candy, so what does it matter, but you don’t deign that fact with a response.

The grip he has on you only tightens as the movie starts.

It’s not the scariest thing you’ve seen, honestly a rather slow start, but Jayce gets twitchier with every passing second, huddling against you like he’s trying to envelope you as an anchor.

He’s honestly so endearing. It’s cute how his large frame is clinging like he’ll blow away in the breeze, built arms squeezing you tight.

If you were more the fraidy cat type, his protective weight would probably feel like heaven, the world’s most secure blanket. You rub soothing fingers over the sculpted curve of his forearm, and feel the way his jaw settles heavier onto your shoulder, relaxing just a fraction.

The movie is only half an hour in, and at this point, you’re tilted up against the arm of the couch after all his leaning, snuggled into some kind of cozy-cramped, sideways, halfway upright spooning position – your frightened puppy of a boyfriend peeping out over your shoulder and trying to press every inch of himself to you.

The dim atmosphere on screen seems to be getting to him, because nothing has even happened yet. But when the music swells, you can feel him go tenser than a steel rod, anticipation building on screen as the camera slowly pans closer and closer to the darkened alleyway.

Jayce shrieks when the movie finally gets on with it.

And of course, it’s just a cheap scare, revealing only a raccoon out behind the cursed house, the ignorant characters all laughing with relief. Nothing scary here.

You figured the director would pull something like that. This movie was really not in a hurry, for being less than two hours long.

Jayce doesn’t seem particularly comforted. “Whew, haha, that uh –” His breathing is legitimately choppy. You side eye him and find he’s covered his eyes with his hand. “That creature sure was scary!”

“It was a raccoon.”

“It – huh?”

“Look at the screen.”

His other arm tightens around you at the thought, Jayce laughing nervously. “I’m uh. I’m good behind here, actually.”

You’re struggling not to laugh. “Can’t really consider that watching a movie with me, can you?”

Jayce’s lips purse, fumbling for a retort, before he deflates against you just a bit. 

His fingers part just a crack, peeking whip-quick like the screen is going to bite him.

The raccoon stares back at him with beady eyes, chittering before darting into the woods, leaving the actors in peace.

Your boyfriend is silent for a beat. “Those things carry rabies, you know. That’s, uh, very scary. Ninety-nine percent fatal, if you don’t get vaccinated in time.”

Well. You suppose that is a certain type of scary.

You give him a reassuring smooch on the jaw, and as expected, his hand shifts to the side, hovering off to the right of his head so he can lean in to capture your lips.

You capture his hand hostage in return, poor Jayce whining into the kiss.

“Quit hiding, nothing scary is going to get you with me right here,” you chastise lightly.

Your lips press a firm kiss to his ensnared hand, interrupting his plaintive, high pitched, “But babe.”

The dilation of his pupils as your lips linger, breath puffing against his fingers, gives you the best idea.

“You want a distraction, sweetheart?” you ask, voice low and conspiratorial.

Caught off guard at your change of heart, Jayce gives a hesitant nod.

“Good. I have better uses for these hands, you know.”

With a final, lingering kiss to his palm, you thread your fingers through his and guide them down, past where he’s clinging to your waist with his other hand, to toy at the waistband of your pants.

His hand flexes with anticipation, but he doesn’t try to rush you. Satisfied, you press underneath, dragging him below both your waistband and panties to cup at your sex.

It must be apparent to Jayce the moment he touches you, that you’d been a bit excited ever since he got home. He’d immediately pulled you in, the scent of his cologne and the brisk fall air embedded in his coat wrapping around you as he leaned down for an indulgent kiss, pouring every ounce of how much he’d missed you into the way he moved his tongue. It had set the tone for the evening, really, flaring warmth in your core.

Sure you were thrilled to have a cozy date night watching scary movies and enjoying each other’s company, but you’d be lying if you hadn’t also been boiling with anticipation for a more intimate encounter as well.

Jayce genuinely groans when his index nudges against your slit, parting your folds to slip against where your arousal has been accumulating. With how he’d pressed so close for the past half hour, holding you tight, it was hard… to not get a little worked up.

“Fuck,” he breathes, fingers squirming further. “You’re so… fuck.”

“I beg your pardon?” you laugh.

“Perfect,” he slurs, mouthing at the side of your neck. He spreads you, gently, and it’s almost embarrassing when your arousal is legitimately audible. You can feel it slipping against your fingers, still twined with his. “So perfect, already dripping for me like that.”

You hum, breathless and noncommittal. “Maybe I get off on poorly written scripts and budget masked killers, hm?”

“Ha ha,” he deadpans.

Jayce’s unamused act would be perfectly believable if not for the raggedy edge to his breathing, or how his fingers scrub a needy circle over your clit before they skate down, dipping just slightly into your hole, playing in the arousal pooled there.

Jayce sucks in a shaky breath. “Hang on, just, uh, give me one second.”

Pulling his fingers out is the last thing you expect Jayce to do, but he does.

Jayce holds your clasped hands up to the faint light from the screen, admiring the way your slick is glistening visibly on his fingerpads, humming low and appreciative.

He shifts, entranced, jaw coming forward to lean past your shoulder, and then he’s guiding your fingers to his lips.

It’s impossible not to stare as he slips them past, into his mouth, slick digits disappearing past plush lips. Tongue curling around your fingertip, laving the flavor of you from the whorls of your skin, eyes lidded in pleasure.

The moment is made all the more intense by the fact that he’s staring back as you watch him, simmering gaze focused wholly on you as he hollows his cheeks and sucks, drawing in your taste and moaning for it.

The vibrations reverberate from your fingers straight into your crotch.

He huffs amusedly through his nose when your hips shift restlessly, a spike of arousal making you squirm back against him.

It’s not like you can’t feel the answering press of his erection, butted up against your hip.

He switches your fingers for his own, tongue curling in a way that’s embarrassingly distracting. His fingers are slick for a few reasons, at this point.

And then they’re traveling back down to slip headlong between your folds, eager to reenter your slick cunt. His spit drags over your clit as he slides the furrow of his pressed together fingers across it, reaching lower. Jayce sinks his middle and ring in deep, palm rubbing against where you need it most.

Lips trail blissfully against your neck as he sets a lazy rhythm with his wrist, fingers rocking into you deep. Jayce sighs a blissful “taste so good” into your skin, nuzzling closer like he can’t get enough skin pressed against you, despite being literally inside you.

His fingers slow, briefly. Soft lips brush against your ear as he opens his mouth, and –

“Wanna eat you out.”

Jayce’s tone is hovering somewhere between whiny and worshipful.

“Mm, and then you wouldn’t be watching the movie, now would you?” Your hand curls around the curve of his bicep, ignoring his noise of disagreement. “Later, yeah? If you can manage this for me.”

A breathy groan falls from his lips at the prospect, nodding placated against your shoulder.

You’d offered him a distraction to make the experience more fun for him, but now you’re finding yourself distracted by him. The film can’t hold a candle to the way his thick fingers are opening you up thoroughly, the way his jaw rests on your shoulder, facing the screen like a good boy, yet eyes glazed over, probably taking in next to nothing.

Still, he was behaving for you. He was good like that, even if you could feel each time he swallowed, not the slightest bit unaffected by what you were allowing him to do between your legs, mouth dry.

You knew damn well what he’d like to wet it with.

Jayce slides in a third finger, moaning gently at the noise you make for the stretch. He thrusts them a few times to appreciate the slick noises that you can’t help, before he settles for a toe-curling screwing motion, tips of his fingers flirting over your nerves like an ignition spark.

All the more distracting was the heavy weight of his cock, jutting unmistakably against you through his gray sweats. Waiting patiently – but you could feel the way it flexed at each noise you made for him.

He really was being so good for you.

“Put it in.”

“Mmm?” comes Jayce’s distracted response, zenned out and completely entranced in the feeling of your slick pooling around the base of his fingers.

He snaps back to focus on your words when you reach over your hip to cup him through his sweatpants, palm rolling against his shaft while your fingertips wriggle a hair between his legs, rubbing teasingly against his balls.

“You with me now, handsome?”

“Yeah!” His voice cracks a little in his haste to get the word out, clearing his throat with an embarrassed chuckle, “‘M with you. Totally understood, loud and clear.” Jayce scrambles to get his hands in position to rid himself of his pants, fast as possible, but it’s not exactly smooth with one hand trapped beneath your waist and the other still inside you.

You catch his wrists, holding him in place.

“Please, allow me,” you purr, enjoying the way he lets himself be manipulated into whatever position you want him in, unquestioning in his eagerness. His fingers curl a bit where they’re buried, but otherwise he stops moving a muscle.

Your own fingers slip from his wrist and pluck teasingly at the drawstring of the soft heathered pants, before dragging one side over the warm, smooth skin of his hip.

No underwear.

“Hmm, somebody was hopeful. Looking for a treat?”

Jayce laughs nervously, fingers pulsing a little deeper, palm butting up against your folds. “Well, I mean. Maybe, y’know, a little, yeah.”

Unhurried, you guide his cock out of the fabric folds, bouncing slightly as it’s exposed to air, and ghost featherlight fingers against the tip.

They come away deliciously sticky. Teasing him is just too fun.

“What do you say, Jayce, to get a treat on Halloween?” You ask, voice innocent and sugary sweet.

“Wh- come on, really?” he complains, hips nudging into your hold impatiently.

You hum expectantly, angling the head of his cock to rub against his own fingers, still tucked snugly inside of you.

He sighs heavily, laying his forehead on your shoulder in defeat.

You can’t help but laugh when he clumsily taps the head of his cock against your entrance in a pointed one-two beat, obviously mimicking a “knock knock” motion.

“... Trick or treat,” he grumbles.

“Go on then, help yourself,” you reply, bubbly and committed to the bit. The responding snort of laughter against your shoulder is by far the sweetest thing in the room, though.

Eager to a fault, the speed which Jayce pulls his fingers from your cunt echoes with a depravedly wet noise, teasing an aroused groan from his lips. His fingers go from your entrance to his cock in about half a second, wet fingers rubbing your slick into the soft, sensitive skin of his frenulum with a pleased sigh.

So caught up in physical pleasure, you both had all but forgotten the movie playing on screen as Jayce lines himself up, sinking in a mere half inch.

The speakers erupt with a shrill peal, soundtrack heightening with the mounting horror of the plot, and startles the both of you – Jayce jerking forward to cling to you and shoving himself forward in your cunt a few inches all at once, whine tearing from his throat.

Heart rate finally up, you let out a breathless laugh, eyelids fluttering at the sensation dragging against your walls.

“Sorry,” Jayce chokes, “I – fuck – I wasn’t expecting that, I just – You alright?”

The concern is so sweet, and so completely unnecessary.

“I am so good,” you sigh, breathy and pleased, reveling in the heat pooling between your hips at the adrenaline and slight roughhousing. “Keep going.”

Jayce’s right hand comes up to cup your chest, both arms now wrapped around you, peering down the length of your body to see where he’s filling you up, hips forging a much more gradual slide into your slick heat.

“Keep watching the screen, Jayce.”

He swallows audibly as your fingers curl around his jaw, pulling him back up to the movie.

Your hand drops to rest over his, the rough press of his callouses against your nipple making you shiver. They’re still wet from being buried in your pussy. His fingers flex, unconsciously squeezing as he bottoms out, happy trail scratching lightly against your skin.

And naturally, you wriggle your hips back against him, pinning him more firmly between you and the couch.

“Stay right there,” you whisper. “Let me keep you warm.”

In contrast, Jayce shivers against you, nodding desperately. “Yeah, yes, fuck. Whatever you want, baby, I – please.”

The thick, leaking head of his cock is rubbing decadently against the front of your pussy, pressing against the spot that makes you want to scream his praises.

But if he can exercise his best restraint to please you, the least you can do is follow through. Snuggling your back against his chest and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, you turn your gaze back to the movie, content to tease him until its end. More of the gritty tale ticks by, minute after minute, in comfortable stillness.

It’s warm, wrapped up in his arms. Feels good to just zone, soaking in the way he’s hard and leaking inside you. You’re content to sit here all night, wrapped up in each other, just surrounded by his heat and scent and soft skin.

But the next jumpscare gets you good.

It’s so perfectly paced, hitting just as the plot is pulling you back in, leaning forward in your improvised seat with each unfolding detail. A spray of fake gore tears across the screen as the way you thought things were going is brought to a horrific end, grating noise filling your living room when the killer makes another appearance for the unfortunate group on screen.

Exciting, startling, and perfectly executed – the scare has all your muscles tensing up in shock, gasp tearing from your throat.

It’s enough to have even you, the proclaimed horror lover, reeling back to put some distance between yourself and the shocking display.

Not that there’s much room for you to jerk back, considering the wall of warm, tense muscle currently wrapped around your back, trembling like a chihuahua.

Jayce had let out a squeak that you’d chalked up as terror in moment of the jumpscare, but as his hips give a tiny jerk against your own, cock throbbing where it’s buried in you, you aren’t so certain.

And when it dawns on you, how tightly you had just clenched your entire body at the fright, a wicked grin spreads across your face. How tight you must have clenched around him, how heavenly that must have felt despite the torment his brain was taking from the screen.

Surreptitiously, you shift your thighs and shove your hips even closer back to his, truly stuffed on each and every inch of his cock.

So when the killer next flits across the screen, delivering another bloody death, you clench hard. Purely in fear, of course.

Jayce chokes on air behind you, thighs flexing against yours as he buries his face in your shoulder.

“Ah ah, none of that.” Your fingers pull gently at his jaw, coaxing his gaze back to the screen. “You wouldn’t want to miss any of the scary bits, they’re the best part.”

As if on cue, a blood curdling scream rings out from the surround sound, accompanied by a toe curling flex of your internal muscles, dragging a wrecked groan from your boyfriend’s throat.

He stays obediently watching though, ragged breaths drawing in the scent of you, hips shifting restlessly with the urge to thrust, to rut into you until he comes.

You coo, adoring, at his good behavior, stroking sugar sweet in reward through his stubble.

And so the game begins, an endless tease where he cannot thrust, but must wait for the movie to torture him to receive the mindnumbing clench of your cunt around him, like some sort of perverse Pavlovian training.

Somebody dies?

Clench.

Killer emerges from the shadows, music swelling shrilly in horror?

Clench.

You pinch his side suddenly, for a bit of amusement, shocking a yelp out of him?

Vice tight clench, drawn out with a small rock of your hips, as a treat.

The movie slides past the three quarters mark, violence and horror peaking, and Jayce is an insensate mess behind you, clutching tight.

The firm hand cupping your chest squeezes instinctively at each scare, his other arm locked like rebar over your waist, clinging to his soft barrier between the scary screen and himself.

You can feel him throbbing consistently, breath ragged, and as you continue to flex around him to the violence unfolding on screen, Jayce breaks.

Throat working around a shocked cry, his hips buck sporadically in the narrow space on the couch, eyes rolling back as he fills you up. Each drag of his cock slips tantalizingly over the sensitive portion of your front walls, painting it with his release as the thick tip firmly skates against it on each push in.

Not enough to get you there, but enough to drive you wild.

Enough to make you want more.

His moans trail into sweet whimpers, nuzzling into your shoulder, blissed out and pleasure drunk.

And said whimpers pitch up, confused and surprised and pinched with overstimulation as you continue to shift your hips, squeezing him tight as the killer on screen brandishes a weapon.

“Hold still, puppy – you’re going to keep being good for me.”

You don’t phrase it as a request.

Jayce gulps, nodding anyway.

Your hand traces over your clit, only the slight tremor of your fingers betraying your excitement.

It’s wet, your slick pooling around the base of his cock, and even more, the viscosity of Jayce’s come beginning to spill out coats your fingers.

You grind a borderline too-hard circle into your clit, hips twitching at the pleasure-pain spark.

Jayce is in a similar boat, breath catching in his throat as your cunt drags overstimulation down the length of his shaft, shiver wracking his core.

“Lemme – fuck, I wanna make you feel good, let me make you feel good, babe –” His hand fumbles down to bat yours out of the way, his index finger rubbing sweetly over your clit.

You’re in no shape to complain, heat curling in the cradle of your hips, pleasure stoking you towards orgasm once more.

His fingers are big. Rough from metalworking, but gentle in their touch. They feel divine, as his fingers part to stroke in tight lines on either side of your clit, cock still stretching you out.

Impatience is getting the better of you, and you rock your hips, searching for the last push to make your brain go blank.

And you find it, pressing the head of Jayce’s cock into the sensitive spot at the front of your walls. The pressure forces a moan from your throat, body going tight and relaxing by turn as you teeter on edge.

Jayce chokes at the renewed movement, curling tight to your back, gritting out little protests, “I can’t, I can’t, please.”

But his fingers never falter, twisting against you the way he knows you like best.

You’ve never been one to let a good deed go unpunished.

“You can,” you pant, hand shooting up to thread fingers through his hair. Dirty move, considering what that does to him.

The pleasure you gain from his shocked cry is almost as visceral as the physical feeling of his fingers and cock, honestly. He melts under a little manhandling, cock twitching inside you.

Your hips can only move so far, stuck sideways on the couch, but you’re making use of every inch, rocking back onto him to hear him keen for you.

Jayce whines when you yank his hair unthinkingly, nerves bound up in stimulation, and pleasure licks up your spine when his hips buck to meet yours.

One –

Two –

A third direct strike over your sensitive inner walls, and the pleasure broadens to a cascade, your orgasm finally tipping over to grip you tight.

Distantly, you can hear Jayce whimper as you clench tight in the throes of pleasure, hips squirming back against him, punching little ahs from your throat with each bump of the head of his cock.

It’s good enough to make your brain go fuzzy, breaths clawing down your throat as your head tips back to rest on his shoulder, final pangs of bliss rattling through your core, making you spasm around him.

Jayce’s grip on you is tight, breathing labored, leaking cock still needy.

You clasp your free hand with one of his, locked over your torso, and drag him in by the hair, breaths mingling as your lips hover the barest distance from his.

“You did perfect, Jayce, stop holding back. Spill for me, c’mon, I know you have it in you –”

You can taste Jayce’s devastated wail, his hand flexing in yours as he comes again.

His knee jerks out only to wrap tight around your legs, whole body curling tight around you as his muscles protest the overstimulation. Arms a rigid band, chest sealed to your back, squishing you with his pleasure.

Most intoxicating is the flex of his cock, filling you to overflowing in hot pulses.

Sticky, sweet, everything you could possibly want and more.

He goes lax against you as the orgasm finally lets him go, entire weight squashing you into the couch cushions.

It’s adorable. You run a soothing hand through his hair, cooing his praises and allowing him to nuzzle into your neck, wordless pleased noises uttered into the strands of your hair as he catches his breath. Large hands run over your skin clumsily, appreciating you right back, despite his current lack of a brain.

Finally, you extricate yourself slowly, carefully, breath coming out in a rush as his cock slips free, pulling a final whimper from your lover. You stand to stretch, taking care not to leak, and turn so you can look him over.

Jayce’s cheeks are rosy. You’ll have to fetch him some water, you note, admiring the mess of his hair, the shine of sweat on his biceps.

You lean in to press a sweet kiss to the tip of his nose.

“So, what do you think? Is the genre starting to grow on you?”

Jayce looks somewhere between harrowed and fucked out, gaze kinda spacey. But he gives you a wobbly half thumbs up.

You hum mischievously. “That’s good to hear, because I’m pretty sure we’re going to have to rewatch this one, I kinda missed the ending –”

“You – oh, fuck no,” Jayce can barely say through breathless laughter, burying his face in the couch cushion.

[starsaver94]

Hey there to start off with feel free to delete this ask if the requests are closed or your uncomfortable i don't mind ^^"

But if they are open can I get a danganronpa match up please?

Pronouns: he/him they/them (she/her makes me abit uncomfortable but I don't mind aslong as you try to use my preferred Pronouns)

Sexuality: idk man but all I know is that I like everyone no matter the gender

I'm a Taurus

I'm actually into digital art, irl art and role-playing as my hobbies and if I wasn't so paranoid I would say walking around at night and watching the stars what can I say? I find them very calming

I enjoy coffee (sugary coffee sue me its good) ,my sleep schedule is out of wack, I actually could live without this but I like to splash around in water (like rivers) with family and friends, clumsy? Thats me, I over think ALOT, I sometimes find that people find join in me insulting some charaters so I do that sometimes, plushies everywhere, I tend to find affection like hugs or cuddles is my love language ig

I have a sweet tooth and I tend to get uncomfortable when people approach me and I don't know them that well I also start getting a little panicy when im in large crowds it gets a little worse when I don't know anyone, i get scared by people(mostly groups of em) yelling

Oh boy what I look for a partner? Not much really would be shocked anyone liked me in the first place- ummm I do tend to be really clingy so maybe someone who likes stuff like that or is just down to cuddle, I also kinda hate when they just kinda brush off the fact were dating like there avoiding me about it and not showing any physical affection (don't ask why that was on here)

I have a love hate relationship with horror stuff because I'm into some horror stuff and others I am afraid of.

Ive been told im like a big sister but I do know o can be really childish or really chill

I can't really handle someone like a lover being away from me (such as in another country) more then a week and a half due to fear of forever being alone

I adore loving names and flirting is honestly fine with me won't garentee im not flushed and sputtering out nonsense tho- also I like oreos

I do enjoy mythology tho its fun for me to read or watch

Anyway I hope that was enough again feel free to delete this if your uncomfortable or the requests aren't open And I hope you have a good day/night/noon person! - novari

Ps: I apologize for my bad punctuation and grammar along with spelling

I pair you with…

Makoto Naegi!

Ah, this sweet boy.

Makoto doesn’t mind your clingy nature. 

Makoto enjoys cuddle sessions, even though they usually make him a bit flustered.

He almost always has a bag of candy on him since you both have a bit of a sweet tooth.

Even though he usually gets flustered or embarrassed by PDA, he’s not afraid to show you off or tell people that you two are dating.

He always makes sure that you’re comfortable in crowded area, or even around his friends/classmates.

He likes to call you nicknames like: Sweetie, Honey, and Clover (because of his status as the Ultimate Lucky Student).

He’ll sometimes lend you his hoodie when it’s cold out.

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3

[hotchupacabrasinmyarea]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

can be used for RP  &&  non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen

1. FIRST NAME  : cline 

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF  : i can’t drink tea. it’s not that i dislike it, there’s some tea flavors that are really good! but tea...drinking it, being around it for too long (as in i can’t go into a fucking teavanna for v long)...it makes my head fuzzy and i start feeling dizzy so i have to sit down. it seems apple cider has a similar effect, but it’s worse when it’s hot. and it’s definitely not the caffeine bc i subsist on caffeine. but like i don’t know if “fresh air” helps bc my best friend dragged me to teavanna at a mall and even when i left the store and sat down on a bench it took me a WHILE to even begin feeling better. don’t know what it is! 

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON  : i...hm. i don’t really know what i find attractive in real people? because it’s pretty all over the place. fictional characters is like... glasses, long hair, and women who can kill me

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF  : i am a highly picky eater so i don’t know i actually have smth that fits this, but probably potatoes...and i have an issue where my body doesn’t like eating things after having them for a while so!! 

5. A FOOD YOU HATE  : cabbage. mushrooms. bacon. tomatoes. don’t like most steaks, either. 

6. GUILTY PLEASURE  :  i feel guilty for every pleasurable thing i do so joke’s on you but i sure love collecting pins and my father gives me shit for it!!!

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN  :  ask my partner and they will tell you--i hate shirts. so honestly? my underwear LMAO. otherwise comfy shirts and softe pants. 

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS  : ooc--serious relationships. ic--depends on the muse. date here is “what he thinks are flings but turn into serious relationships” honestly. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE  ,  WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE  : hahahaha boi this is a question you should Never ask me. if it was something that i could Change No Matter What? then that’d be my mom dying. if it’s smth that’s dependent upon my own power then i would’ve just...idk. ig talked to her abt some stuff that i need answers to and also say goodbye properly. 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON  :  very!!! esp when i’ve had alcohol then i tell my friends how much i love them repeatedly 

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN  :  barbie princess and the pauper barbie princess and the pauper barbie princess and the pau

12. FAVORITE BOOK  :  oh damn. i haven’t like, actually read a book in so long. i would probably say....dealing with dragons tho, the first book in the enchanted forest chronicles. 

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE  : i just want a cat. and a dog. i want a POM. i know this is supposed to probs be like for exotic pets but even in a world where i can acquire one--not happening. 

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS   (  IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG  ,  YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL  )  : okay umm...hm. top ships rn on date are just date/yomiel, date/kite, date/anna--they’re ALL GOOD. but ough otherwise? sunshine cupcake, fluri, wrightworth, science richass, and juleezen the moon is beautiful tonight. what are half of those ships you ask? it is a mystery ;)

15. PIE OR CAKE  : hmm...i think i like more cakes than i like pies ngl

16. FAVORITE SCENT  :  pink. just. just pink. i went to bath and body works and bought p much every pink soap i could find. 

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH  :  lynda carter probably 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO  : hmm...i would like to go to japan. but only if my partner is with me. 

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT  :  introverted as HELL. i go thru long periods of no human interaction and i build up my energy and then expend it all at once and then i have to go home and die. 

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY  : nnnnot really when it comes to horror. but irl? i hear a strange noise late at night or if i’m alone? a man raises his voice? i’m in fuckin fight or flight mode baybee

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID  : android bc it’s. the only type of phone i’ve had gksehgh

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES  : yea. like so many. (gestures @ aitsf??) i like visual novels, jrpgs, and calm shit like animal crossing & story of seasons. literally like. all my current muses (and strongest in reserve muses) are from viddy games. also if i don’t answer ur messages assume i’m either playing pocket camp or sleeping. 

23. DREAM JOB  : 50s housewife. which...is very similar to what sanchan mun said HM. i would love to be an author deadass. and childhood me yells “ballerina” in my ear. but i haven’t done ballet since preschool rip...

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS  :  i would...buy myself and my partner a cute lil house. and some pets. and save for our singular child. and also pay for our wedding. and donate to all my friends who need it...

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE  : matoba seiji? it’s on fucking sight. 

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER  : on god? i feel like quite a few. but there’s one in particular that’s a very cursed...VERY CURSED series and i don’t want to admit to it. 

TAGGED BY  :  sandalphon! 

TAGGING  : Y O U 

[heyscience]

If I Were Inquisitor - Ask Meme.

@batsintheshadows @tea-me-and-smut @foxywolfmeerkat13 @howling-at-night OMG THIS IS SO FUN YOU GUYS HOLY SHIT!! Thanks so much for writing yours, and I’m so stoked to finally share mine!

If you are reading this and want to give it a shot, please reblog the original post and I’ll send you an ask! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE READING PEOPLE’S ANSWERS. THEY’RE ALL. SO GOOD!!!!

1. Race: I want to be a giant muscley mountain of a Qunari. I wanna be the very best, like no-one ever was, at smashing my enemies’ faces in and giving the best goddamn hugs there is. 

2. Class/Specialization: Two-handed Warrior/Champion. I like hitting things, and I love the idea of getting involved in all that pompous Orlesian chevalier bullshit and RUINING IT for ALL OF THEM.

3. Your homeland? It’s gotta be somewhere warm and by the sea (because I love the ocean and also I can’t deal with the cold cos I am WEAK), so I’m thinking Rivain. Ooh! And that would mean I’d have a bunch of sick tattoos and piercings! Rad.

4. Your family? (Ok so I’m basing this loosely off my irl family because they’re my best point of reference I guess????)

So, my family. I love them, but they’re a mess.

My Mum was the ideal Tamassran. A devout adherent to the Qun. She worked as a healer and was very well respected in her field.

That was until she met my Dad, who in short, looked at the Qun and was like ‘fuck this shit I’m out.’

Dad was a soldier and one day he was wounded in battle, ended up in the hospice where Mum worked, wooed her, and they ran away together to Rivain.

They had my brother and I and then realised that they’re actually polar opposites and it’s a wonder they were ever attracted to each other. They split up, re-partnered and had more kids. So I have a pile of siblings that I have varying degrees of blood relation with, but we all consider each other fully part of our extended, convoluted family (for serious - irl I have 9 siblings).

Mum taught me business sense and how to tend to battle wounds, Dad taught me how to fight. I’ve got a lot of family of various races all over Thedas, all related (not necessarily by blood) one way or another. People say lovely things about my Mum, and the craziest things about my Dad - the stories of his exploits are so outrageous it’s difficult to believe any of them are true (like irl my dad was involved in organised crime for a while but quit cos he got bored????).

I love my family but I’m really bad at keeping in contact with them, so I get the occasional letter from Mum being like ‘ARE YOU DEAD?!’

Leliana has taken to sending her reassuring updates preemptively.

5. Who were you before? I imagine I’d be part of something like a dnd adventuring party.

We started out as a ragtag group of misfits, travelling the land in search of gold and glory. It was mostly treasure hunting and mercenary gigs, and some of the work we did on the high seas was um, legal-adjacent (piracy). But occasionally we’d stop to lend a hand to those in need, pass ourselves off as bards to earn extra coin in small-town taverns, and we even involved ourselves in vigilante justice a couple of times.

We grew into our own little family, and eventually we found ourselves wanting to do the type of work that really mattered. That’s why we signed ourselves up to work security at the Conclave, with a plan to move into aiding refugees in Ferelden afterwards. It didn’t. Quite. Work out that way. Unfortunately.

6. Would you be religious? That’s a hard no.

7. Do you have a mabari? YES PUPPY! Who is also a fully fledged member of our adventuring troupe I might add.

8. Your opinion on other races? Elves = rad, dwarves = awesome, humans = eh, dragons?? = HELL YES

9. What would Varric’s nickname for you be? Stubby.

10. What would your tarot card look like? This one is hard! I’m thinking a lot of compass imagery (because the sea and travelling and finding your way etc.)...and I’d have to be facing at an angle that best accentuates my glorious biceps.

11. Where would you hang out in Skyhold? I like to be in the centre of the action, but I’m not sure where that would be?? Probably in the main Skyhold courtyard near the entrance, in amongst the merchants? It’d be a good spot to see the comings and goings, check in with recruits and workers for the Inquisition, and also play with any kids who might be around. 

It’s important to make sure the kids of the Inquisition are happy and healthy and, um, ok Josie I’ll admit it, they’re also way more fun to hang out with than that stuffy noble whoeverthefuck you just brought in from Orlais.

12. What would you do for fun? Knock back beers in the Herald’s Rest with my companions, come up with dirty drinking songs with Sera, get blackout drunk with Dorian (although I’ll eventually realise it’s a very unhealthy coping mechanism and encourage Dorian to join me in cutting down the booze), swap stories and quality bants with Varric, beg Vivienne for fashion advice, gush over romance novels with Cass, have tea and gossip sessions with Josie, poke fun at Cullen, spar with the Inquisition recruits (and scare the shit out of them), and, just anything to distract from the looming horror that is Corypheus.

13. What armour would you wear? Heavy, shiny, and bloodstone red.

14. What would your room look like? Organised chaos. I love playing host so my room would look mostly neat, but the writing desk would be an absolute mess. It would probably make poor Josie hyperventilate (which is why I’d always suggest we discuss things in her office, or at least give me plenty of notice before swinging by my chambers so I can tidy up). 

15. Who would be your friends at Skyhold? I’d wanna be friends with pretty much everyone, but I think I’d be closest with Dorian (BUT of course only after giving him a solid scolding for his views on slavery, and I’d only continue talking to him if he came to his senses).

We have a very similar sense of humour, and. Oh man. I have way more feelings about this than I thought I would. In short - I can imagine both laughing with him and collapsing on the floor together with a bottle of wine (each) and many tears.

16. Would you have any friends outside of the Inquisition? This makes me sad because my closest friends outside the Inquisition would be my adventuring party and they..would’ve...the Conclave...EVEN MY MABARI. MY POOR PUPPY. OH GOD WHY. TOO MANY FEELINGS.

17. Who wouldn’t you get along with? Cole. It’s not that I don’t like him, I’d just be super awkward around him, like ‘HELLO SPIRIT CHILD HOW ARE YOU TODAY. OH, IS THAT AN INSECURITY OF MINE YOU JUST POINTED OUT?! WELL COOL, GOOD TALK.’ 

18. Who would you romance? I know this isn’t possible in Inquisition but I would like to be in a polyamorous relationship with Isabela. SHE IS MY FICTIONAL SOULMATE OK.

(Also I’m more than a little bit in love with Cullen but I hate myself for it so)

19. Would you do pranks with Sera? AbsoLUTELY.

20. Would you sleep with the Iron Bull (casually if not romance)? 100% YES. It’d only be an occasional thing tho, cos while I’m a masochist and I like being tied up I’m not really a sub. I’d mostly go to him for bondage tips and um. Requests for. Demonstrations.

21. Would you keep Cole around? Yes. I’d still be weirded out by him, but I acknowledge that it’s completely not his fault. I’d take his word for it that he just wants to help people and let him have at it with that freaky mind-reading and vanishing shit he does.

22. Can you play the game (politics)? A little bit. I’d have to work the scandal angle. Being a Qunari I could never hope to assimilate into the realms of the nobility, but I could win their favour by being something of a novelty. Much like Casanova in this brilliant adaptation starring David Tennant - watch from 10:42.

You see, you don’t have to be liked by everybody, just the right people, and you can usually get them onside by just being very fucking entertaining.

23. What would be on your tombstone in the fade (What are you afraid of)? Ghosts. I’m not sure how well that translates to a Thedas setting but still, it’s my biggest fear so I’m sticking with it.

24. Who would you recruit to seal the breach? Mages.

25. Opinion on Mages versus Templars? Ok, so I have a proposal for how to fix this bullshit:  

1. The Chantry should relinquish any and all control over the affairs of mages. Separation of Church and State, simple as that.

2. The Templar Order should be disbanded, and the practice of indenturing soldiers by saddling them with a lyrium addiction should be banned.

3. All people in Thedas (and I mean ALL) should be taught about magic from a young age, both the gifts and dangers of its use. Everyone should learn about magical safety and how to resist demonic possession.

4. Mage children should attend the same schools as everyone else, but they can hone their skills in their late teens to early adulthood in mage colleges, with free tuition paid by the State (of wherever part of Thedas this is). They can research magic, learn a trade or train in combat, whatever they choose. Mages will be allowed to earn money, marry, have families, and have some actual freaking rights. None of this ‘hunt ‘em down and lock ‘em up’ bullshit.

5. Also the Rite of Tranquility WHAT THE FUCK. I can’t believe it’s a thing people actually agree to do. This rite should be downright fucking outlawed, and severe penalties levelled at the people who attempt it.

26. Who would be put in charge of Orlais and why? Briala. I wouldn’t suggest to Briala that she should get back together with Celene, because honestly their relationship was really fucked up and Celene abused the power imbalance between them. Briala deserves better (like for example me..maybe...but y’know, only if she wants to..)

So I would keep Celene on the throne but hand over all real power to Briala. Celene is a crafty one however, so we’d have to corner her with blackmail and keep a hidden killswitch on hand in case she tries to pull a fast one on us (just like the Voltron kids should be doing with Lotor, which sorry, I know that isn’t related but I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT).

27. Would you sacrifice the Chargers? NEVER.

Seriously Fuck the Qun. The Qun actively promotes eugenics with how they selectively “breed” their people. ALSO the Qunari are gaslighted into believing that they will literally go insane if they don’t follow the Qun?!!!?!?!!??!??! FUCK THAT SHIT.

So yeah, I was never keen on the idea of allying with the Qunari, so when Gatt’s like ‘if you sacrifice the dreadnought there will be no alliance’ I’m like ‘I am ok with this.’ Also, of course, I love the Chargers with all my heart and couldn’t bear to lose them.

28. Would you go after Blackwall? Yeah. He should put all his moral posturing to good fucking use and try being an actual hero. I’d make him join the Wardens, cos it’s effectively a death sentence (or an early grave at least ) and I don’t 100% dislike him, so I know he’d be cool with it because he has a giant fucking hard-on for the Wardens (Jesus fuck). 

29. Would you drink from the well? Nnnnnoooooooooo..and it’s because I would fucking die for Morrigan. I wish I could say I have a well considered reason, but I’m just pathetic like that. She could say jump and I’d say ‘I’d rather not, but, counter offer - would you instead like to sit on my face?’ 

30. Where would you go if the Inquisition was disbanded? Minrathous. It’s warmer there (I love Skyhold but fucking hate the cold), and I would involve myself in the inevitable slave uprising - helping out in whatever way I can. Also I’d just be having a fucking great time terrorising the Magisters, rocking up at the Magisterium like ‘LOOKIT ME I’M A RAGING QUNARI HERE TO INVADE, RARRGHH!! oh hey Dorian, what’s up babe how’ve you been????’

31. How do you react to the egg telling you he is an elven god? The five stages of grief:

Denial - lol no ur not, you’re our painty pyjamas nerd! 

Anger - Wait, so it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE ELSE DIED AT THE CONCLAVE??!?! I AM GONNA GUT YOU AND STRING YOU UP BY YOUR INTESTINES SO I CAN USE YOUR WEEDY BODY AS A GORE PINATA YOU FUCKING MONSTER 

Bargaining - but you’re a god right? Does that mean you can bring them back? Can you undo all this somehow? You gotta have superpowers or some shit right??!?

Depression - After all we’ve been through...you never even saw us as people, did you? Did you ever think of me as a friend? Or anyone else? How could you be ok with murdering your friends? Solas, please, you don’t have to do this. I know that if we work together we can find a better way. You don’t have to destroy the world to save it.

Acceptance - ..................I fUCKING HATE YOU SOLAS.