#ignore how bad these gifs look and appreciate the LYRICS AND HOW WELL THEY FIT THEMMMM

[rufousnmacska]

Um hi, hello, I’m just wondering if you cold maybe write a manorian au dance or a ren faire would be fab. Thanks

I lost track of how long this request has been in my drafts, so I’m really sorry it’s taken so long to write. I have a bad habit of starting a fic only to get bogged down about how detailed the plot should be, leaving me not wanting to finish it. I’m not good at just banging out a short story and posting it. But for this one, I tried doing that. I hope you like it anon, if you’re still around!

Full disclosure - I’ve never been to a renaissance faire, though I have friends who sell their pottery at an annual, medieval re-enactment type festival. So, I took what I’ve heard from them and added in a little Medieval Times and Disney World. What I’m saying is, please excuse any egregious mistakes about how these things work :)

Fanfic master list

*****

A Bard’s Tale

The Morath Renaissance Faire was part historical re-enactment, part craft market, part food extravaganza, and all spectacle. It drew visitors from around the continent each summer for the three months it was open. People even came for days at a time, staying at nearby inns so they could enjoy all the faire had to offer.

Owned by Maeve and Erawan Perrington, the faire was known for its summer-long war, pitting bands of warriors against each other in mock campaigns until only one survived, as well as its jousting tournament, where knights did true battle for the honor of being named the Queen’s Knight Commander. The enormous market square sold everything from hand woven clothing, jewelry and adornments, to metalwork, and pottery. The food court had stalls serving street foods of all varieties, and a hall that seated hundreds, where visitors could treat themselves to an authentic seven course medieval dinner. Jesters roamed the streets entertaining children, actors staged scenes of roving bandits stealing from nobility, artists demonstrated their craft, and bards sang songs for spare coins.

While most employees were from the region, some, including most of the artists, came from other towns and countries. To house them, the faire had a sprawling campground filled with brightly colored tents. At night, after the faire grounds were closed, the camp came alive with employees sharing modest dinners and abundant wine, while music played and many danced.

Manon Blackbeak had been selling here for four years. Her shop, The Clay Witch, was situated near the entrance to the market, ensuring she had a good crowd and a view of the jousting arena. With her cousins’ help, Manon did a brisk business. She made pottery the rest of the year, selling most of it here, and her cousins were responsible for the rest: healing teas, fragrant candles, love potions, amulets, and other trinkets of a witchy nature. She wasn’t a people person, so she had a sales assistant named Elide who handled that side of the business. Together with her cousins, they took part in the war, calling their band the Blackbeak Coven. In years past, they’d made it into the final week or two of the campaign, but they’d never won.

Despite her competitiveness, Manon had always been fine with that outcome. While Maeve oversaw the jousting as Queen, Erawan was the King who lead the war. He had a habit of looking at her a little too long, his gaze roaming over her body in a way that made her want to shower it off with scalding hot water. She made sure never to be alone with him, usually finding someplace else she needed to be in order to avoid him.

The whole situation pissed her off. Her pottery studio was in a town a few hours away and this faire had been a great opportunity to build her business. They made good money here, enjoyed themselves in the battles, and had made lifelong friends in the campground. But, she was seriously considering not coming back next year. All because some creepy asshole wouldn’t leave her alone.

As she watched Elide wait on some customers, she grew angrier. Other people depended on her. She knew they’d understand and support her, but not coming back felt as though she’d be letting them down.

Outside, she heard people speaking in loud, reverent tones and knew what time it was, not needing to look at her watch. She contemplated hiding in the back just to see what would happen. But when she caught the first sounds of his voice, she found herself grinning.

At ten o’clock in the morning, every day, Dorian Havilliard made his way to her shop to serenade her, always with a group of adoring fans trailing behind.

It hadn’t taken long for Manon to recognize some of the faces of the people who came back again and again just to watch Dorian perform. He played his part well, flirting and making up spontaneous songs to please his audience. If ever their adoration crossed the line into inappropriateness, he’d break out the charm and shy away, making his discomfort clear. All while still obtaining a sizable tip.

Manon crossed her arms and leaned against the entrance to her booth, watching him approach. He had a preternatural gift for coming up with lyrics and melodies on the spot. She’d never admit it to him, but she’d come to enjoy his morning visits.

As for his nightly visits to her tent, it was impossible for her to hide her appreciation then, much to her annoyance.

This was his first and only summer working at the faire. He’d been dragged along by a friend who was dating a knight. Rowan Whitethorn was Maeve’s nephew and had been crowned her Knight Commander in the jousting arena for three years running. The rumor mill went crazy at the start of this season when he arrived with a girlfriend who was from Terrasen. Aelin brought an entourage with her, a bunch of friends from college who were looking for one last fun summer to tide them over before heading off into the real world in the fall. Chaol worked as a royal guard and his girlfriend, a pre-med major, worked in the first aid clinic that served visitors and employees alike. Aelin’s cousin Aedion had fallen quickly into a warrior group and rose to become their general, while his girlfriend Lysandra worked as a fortune teller. Manon and her cousins, who had known Rowan for years, had met them on the first day and they’d become fast friends.

And then there was Dorian. Who, within the first week of opening, had become the most popular bard at the faire. The center of attention wherever he roamed.

Manon smirked as he stopped a few feet from her. Today, as usual, he wore a well fitting tunic with Intricate embroidery that took the shape of wyverns. Curls that had not been there at the start of the season hung around his ears.

With a deep bow and flourish of his hand, he said, “Good morning Lady. I pray you had a pleasant evening.”

She managed to keep her expression unchanged, even though the memories of last night threatened to turn her face a brilliant red. Gripping the sword that hung at her hip, she said, “Lady? I see no lady here.”

“Ah, but you are a lady. Lady artisan,” he said gesturing to her pottery. “Lady warrior,” a glance to her sword. “And a lady of pure moonlight,” he said, nodding at the long white braid that fell across her shoulder.

Her hair was a constant source of interest for him. She didn’t think it crossed into the realm of being a fetish, but he very much enjoyed pulling it whenever he had the chance. She did too. And she enjoyed seeing his gem like eyes flash when she lifted the braid and wiggled the end at him.

Elide and a couple of customers audibly sighed at his words. Manon whirled and gave her a deadly look, but the young woman just ignored her, watching Dorian begin to play as she placed a hand on her heart. She’d been pushing Manon all summer to go out with Dorian. Wanting to preserve Elide’s innocence, Manon never revealed what happened in her tent most nights. And finally, with that thought, the blood rushed to her cheeks.

He sang a quick tune that compared her beauty to that of the moon, bowed again, and with a wink, he was off. His followers who returned day after day just to see him never seemed to think anything of his daily routine of singing to her. Either they were simply too enchanted by his voice and handsome looks, or they just didn’t care, thinking it was all part of the act, confident he would acknowledge them when he was out of character.

As he made his way towards the market square, Manon caught sight of someone who did notice, and clearly cared.

Maeve watched from across the wide street. Her black eyes held none of the smile that spread across her face, and Manon felt a chill crawl up her spine. She did not like Dorian’s daily ritual of showering Manon with attention. After a moment filled with tension, Maeve turned away and disappeared into the crowd.

Just as her husband gave Manon unwanted attention, Maeve had been doing the same thing to Dorian. He’d mentioned it once or twice, trying to brush it off. But Manon had heard the discomfort in his voice, could see the way he held himself in Maeve’s presence, trying to escape her notice and almost turning to stone when she inevitably did. The other night at one of the bonfires in the camp, someone had teased him about it. Dorian laughed and said after this weekend, he’d never see her again. The comment had hit Manon hard, as she’d realized the same could be said of her. In a matter of days, this season would end and they’d return to their homes on opposite sides of the country. With no reason to ever see each other again.

*****

Managing to escape his fans, Dorian ducked into an alley that led to the back offices. He’d seen Maeve following him this morning, and for the first time all summer, he’d considered not going to Manon’s shop. This was a summer job for him, a one time thing before he started working for his father. But she was an artist whose livelihood depended on events like this. He didn’t want to risk getting her in trouble because the owner had some kind of sick crush on him. The season was winding down and this weekend would be the last. He only needed to avoid Maeve’s interest for a few more days.

“Ouch! Watch it!”

“You watch it! Big oaf. No one told you to do tricks on your horse while you were jousting.”

Stopping at the door to the first aid clinic, Dorian found Yrene examining Lorcan, one of the knights who competed in the arena. Like the other jousters, the guy was huge, and Dorian couldn’t help but admire Yrene for not taking any shit from him. Lorcan spotted him watching from the entrance and rolled his eyes.

With his elaborate costumes, zealous following, and natural charm, Dorian was not the most popular of people among the warriors at the faire. He got along well with Rowan and Fenrys, but some of the others looked down at him for his portrayal of the flirty bard. He suspected it had more to do with the tips he made, money that he didn’t need due to his family’s wealth. Chaol and Yrene were the only ones who knew he’d be donating all of it to charity at the end of the season.

Yrene lifted Lorcan’s arm, moving his shoulder around in the socket despite his grimace and stifled groans of pain. “You’ve definitely torn something,” she said, pushing into his joint with her small fingers. “You’ll need to get an X-ray.”

“You can’t just put it in a sling? So I can joust on Sunday?” he asked, relieved when she let go of him, only to wince again when his arm landed in his lap.

With a scathing look that made Lorcan recoil slightly, she said, “If you want to damage it further, sure. I could do that. And then you’ll definitely need surgery. As it is, you might get away with some physical therapy. Which will not be fun. But if you continue jousting, you’re looking at hospital time.”

“Shit,” he said, dropping his head into his good hand. “It’s the finals this weekend. Maeve is going to kill me. After she fires me.”

Not wanting to hang around and interrupt her work, Dorian quickly asked, “Any idea where Chaol is right now?”

Yrene shrugged as she pulled a sling out of a supply cabinet. “Maybe near the battlefield? He mentioned they needed extra help setting some things up for this weekend.”

“Thanks,” he said. Then to Lorcan, “Good luck, man.”

“Yeah,” Lorcan replied, sounding utterly defeated and giving Dorian an odd look. “Thanks.” It was the tone, the actual gratitude in the word, that made Dorian realize the look was one of kindness. At least, Lorcan’s version.

Sneaking along the paths he used to stay away from the crowds, Dorian emerged near the stands overlooking the battlefield. This Saturday the two armies that had survived the summer would face each other for one final battle.

Maeve had been smart to set things up this way, making the war and jousting into a months long competition, ensuring a build up of fans and repeat visitors. She had a good mind for business, he just wished she’d stop leering at him.

Even if he wasn’t focused entirely on Manon, there was no way he’d involve himself with Maeve. There was a darkness surrounding her that reminded him of a spider, weaving an intricate web to control everyone around her, and disposing of those who resisted her manipulations.

Though he had never spoken to the man, Dorian had heard her husband was just as creepy. One night at the camp, his name had been mentioned, causing Manon to visibly shudder. She clearly didn’t like the guy, and that was enough for Dorian to dislike him too.

As he sat and watched Chaol and some warriors setting up the dais that would hold the royal thrones for the final battle, Dorian wondered if he was making the right decision for this fall. His father had demanded he come work for the family company. That Dorian had refused to get a business degree meant little to the man. He would see his son replace him as CEO whether Dorian liked it or not.

As it always did when he thought about his future, his mind eventually traveled back to Manon. This summer had been amazing, due in large part to her. She’d captured his heart from the first day. It took a full week of songs before she showed up at his tent one night. After that, he’d waited. Waited for that look she’d give him at the end of the night, when the bonfire was burning down and the camp was growing quiet. The look that said the song he’d written for her that morning had left her wanting him. The look that invited him back to her tent where they’d stay up too late, making love and playing question and answer games, the easiest way to get her to talk about herself.

Gods, how was he supposed to say goodbye to her in just a few days?

They had not spoken of it, neither one wanting to bring up what they both knew was coming. It wasn’t like they’d never be able to see each other again. But there was a weird sense of finality to the end of the faire season. The end of this crazy, fun summer. The end of their late night dalliances. The end of their late night talks, which he would honestly miss the most.

His bench sagged as Chaol sat down heavily beside him, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Ready for lunch?” Dorian asked, trying to sound more cheerful than he felt.

Chaol sighed, tired from helping to build the dais with a half day’s work still to come. “Yeah. Was Yrene busy?”

They stood and began to walk towards the food stalls. “Lorcan got injured. She might be done, but I doubt it.”

“Shit,” Chaol said, stopping in the middle of the street. “Will he be able to joust on Sunday?”

“Doesn’t look like it. At least, Yrene said no. Why? What’s the big deal?”

"He’s supposed to go up against Rowan in the final. Lorcan is the only real competition Rowan has. I overheard Erawan talking about the possibility of this final weeks ago. They’ve been hyping it up to the fans.”

Dorian shrugged. He didn’t pay attention to the jousts or the war standings. Especially once the Blackbeak Coven was defeated last week. Manon had been disappointed, but also oddly relieved.

“You don’t get it,” Chaol continued. “Maeve and Erawan are going to be pissed.”

That made Dorian smile. “Good. Maybe she’ll leave me alone then.”

*****

Sunday came with beautiful weather and a crowd that was electric with anticipation. Yesterday’s final battle, won in an impressive fashion by Aedion’s troops, had drawn record numbers of spectators. Maeve and Erawan had sat on their thrones, overseeing everything with bored faces and an air thick with arrogance. Most of the employees knew how little they were acting, but the viewers ate it up.

Today was the final of the jousting tournament. Being easier to follow from the stands, it was more popular than the war re-enactment. This year’s finalists promised to put on a good show. Until Lorcan injured his shoulder in his semifinal against Fenrys. He’d still managed to win, knocking Fenrys off his horse out of sheer spite, sending him to the final against Rowan.

When it was announced he couldn’t compete, Maeve had gone ballistic. Apparently, she’d destroyed her office, leaving a mess of papers, a cracked laptop screen, and a broken chair. Erawan had kept his cool, though a few twitches of his black eyes spoke volumes about his inner state of mind. Everyone assumed Fenrys would be given Lorcan’s place. But the notice board outside the arena had remained blank after Rowan’s name - The White Hawk vs.___

Last night, the talk around camp was all about who she would name to joust against Rowan, with some joking that she’d make Erawan do it. Rowan had seemed to welcome the chance to knock the bastard onto his back. Maeve was his aunt, but there’d never been any friendship between them. He worked here because he loved it. And now that he loved Aelin, it grew more and more likely that this might end up being his last year.

As people milled about in her shop, Manon felt a strange anxiety wash over her. Muscles tense, goose flesh rising up her arms, she looked out into the street expecting to see Erawan there. But it was just regular visitors making their way through the market, noisy and excited.

Slowly, she realized what felt off. The voices of the crowd had never been louder than Dorian’s voice. She looked at her watch and felt her stomach flip. 10:24.

He was never late. Never.

Just then, she heard commotion from the jousting arena. Over the heads of the crowd, she could just make out Asterin’s blond hair as her cousin waved for her to come over.

Pushing through the people, she found not only Asterin but Chaol and Aelin too, all three standing in front of the notice board, staring up at it in shock.

Just as she never had to check her watch for Dorian’s arrival, Manon didn’t have to read the board to know who Rowan’s opponent was. Instead of flipping, her stomach turned to stone and sank.

The White Hawk vs. The Black Bard

“That fucking bitch,” Aelin whispered.

Manon grit her teeth, her hands shook and she was too angry to even speak.

“Where is he?” Asterin asked.

Chaol shrugged, also unable to speak, too horrified with concern for his best friend.

Fenrys ran up suddenly, almost knocking them all over. “It was Erawan,” he said, breathless. “Some sick game between him and Maeve.”

Manon forced herself to swallow, to breath, to not go scratch that bastard’s hellish eyes from their sockets. “Why didn’t Dorian just tell him no?”

“I don’t know,” Fenrys said. “They must have forced him somehow.”

Asterin turned to Manon and they shared a look. The only way to make Dorian agree to this was if Manon had been threatened in some way.

“Rowan won’t hurt him,” Aelin said confidently.

Finally, Chaol spoke. “Maybe not on purpose! Dorian’s never ridden a horse. Rowan can deliberately miss him and he could still fall off and get trampled.”

“Shit.” Asterin and Fenrys said at the same time.

The sound of trumpets wailed and people began rushing to get into the stadium. As the others debated what to do, Manon took off, ducking beneath the stands to get to the fence that surrounded the jousting yard. It felt like time slowed down, and when she finally reached an opening with a view to the field, the announcer was already calling out the competitors names.

There, at the far end, sitting precariously on the back of a black stallion, was Dorian. Clad in black armor, the counterpoint to Rowan’s bright silver, he struggled to hold the lance steady. Dorian was muscled and strong, but this was a skill he had no experience with. Holding a lance properly took practice.

Rowan, atop his white horse, was within shouting distance. Manon called to him, but he didn’t hear her over the crowd’s cheers and the helmet he wore. She kept calling for him, only stopping when she glanced at the royal box. There, Maeve sat, stone faced and angry, glaring straight ahead. Next to her, wearing the tacky fake crown he sported everywhere on the grounds, was Erawan.

Manon wasn’t surprised to feel his eyes on her, his slimy stare making her feel as if she might vomit.

Just as she tried to get Rowan’s attention one last time, the trumpets blared and the horse reared and took off, thundering down the field towards Dorian.

*****

Dorian kicked at his horse, hoping that would get it to move. If it had been up to him, he would have simply sat here, letting Rowan charge and knock him off with his first pass. Hell, if it had been up to him, he’d be in the fucking stands.

But no. Erawan had stopped him early that morning, offering him the chance to joust. When Dorian had laughed in his face, Erawan had made it clear that it really wasn’t an offer.

He’d seen the way his wife looked at Dorian, knew that there was something going on between them, knew that Dorian’s protestations were lies. Erawan had insisted that If Dorian refused, the bard’s paramour would be punished.

Dorian had stopped laughing then. They both knew he had never been with Maeve. And somehow, Erawan had found out about him and Manon.

“I own this town,” Erawan had said. “There is nothing you can do. If you run, I will find her.” He’d clapped Dorian on the back as if they were friends. “What do you say young bard?”

Dorian had nodded numbly, agreeing to put on a show, make it look real, and not throw the match.

So now, here he was. However many tons - did horses weigh tons? - of animal rushing towards him, Rowan’s white tipped lance leading the way.

Fuck it, he thought, giving the horse’s side another kick. The beast reared slightly then hit the ground running.

Dorian just barely managed to hang on to the reins as he wobbled in the saddle. His lance almost slid from his grip, almost landed tip down in the earth, threatening to propel him into the air like an acrobat. At the last second before catastrophe, he got it under control, just as Rowan’s lance grazed his side, going wide of a strike. The crowd cheered, and though his helmet muffled the sound, he knew it was deafening for the people in the arena.

Their horses continued running until they were on opposite ends. Some lackey of Erawan’s came running out, pretending to offer him advice or assistance. Dorian ignored him, trying to focus on holding the lance up to the proper height. By the time he got it wedged under his arm, the horn sounded and his horse took off, unprompted.

He was able to hold the lance up the whole way, but he almost fell off the horse. For the second time, Rowan’s attempt missed. Dorian knew it was on purpose, and he was grateful. But the way the crowd had begun laughing was honestly starting to piss him off. He knew he couldn’t win. He just wanted to survive. But his pride was beginning to surge enough to overtake his fear.

The third run had the same result as the first two. Rowan missed, Dorian clung to the saddle and the lance and didn’t die. The horse guy came out again, seeming to adjust some of the straps. Dorian watched to make sure he didn’t actually loosen anything, and the guy gave him a nod.

Thinking someone was calling his name, Dorian twisted around to find Manon leaning over the fence, wild-eyed and desperate to get his attention. He lifted his visor and winked at her. The gesture appeared to make her angry and she shouted again but the words were lost to the crowd.

Hoisting the lance up and securing it under his arm, the reins tight in his hand, Dorian was ready for the horn this time. The horse pounded down the yard and time seemed to slow to a trickle. He felt every hoof beat, heard every puff of air from the horse’s mouth, saw the silver armor getting closer and closer. At the last second, before squeezing his eyes shut, he angled the lance towards that flash of silver.

The force of the impact threw him back in the saddle. His feet remained in the stirrups though, leaving him arched awkwardly on top of the horse. Pain radiated up his arm like a wave until the entire thing went numb and he had no idea if he was still holding the lance. With a grunt, he forced himself upright into a sitting position. The horse came to a stop and pawed at the ground, as if in celebration.

The applause and cheers hit him almost as hard as the blow he’d administered to Rowan. Looking down to where he still somehow held the lance, then turning in the saddle to see Rowan pushing himself up from the dirty ground, Dorian slowly realized that he had won.

*****

Manon was running the second she saw someone made contact. The dust was thick and she couldn’t see what had happened. At the sight of a riderless white horse trotting towards her, she sped up, almost tripping over Rowan, who laid sprawled on the ground. His helmet had come off and he had a big grin on his face.

When she reached Dorian, he was sliding off the horse, the weight of his armor pulling him down faster than he could handle. She caught him just before he could land on his ass. Propping him against the stallion, she tore the helmet from his head and yelled, “What the fuck were you thinking? You could have been killed!”

Dorian, a little dazed, a little breathless, said nothing. He pulled her close and kissed her.

The crowd erupted, roaring their approval and chanting his name. “Black Bard! Black Bard! Black Bard!”

Yrene came over with a small medical bag, but Dorian waved her off, then went back to kissing Manon. When he let go, she stumbled backwards, still clutching his armor. His horse was strutting around them, loving the attention, while flowers rained down around them from the stands.

It was tradition for the victorious knight to gather the flowers and present them to Maeve; the Knight Commander honoring his queen. But Dorian had not been aware of the tradition. And she knew he wouldn’t have done it anyway.

Manon watched as he bent down, slowly so as not to fall over, and picked up a handful of poppies and daisies and whatever other blooms had been tossed onto the field. Dropping heavily to a knee, he smiled brightly and offered her the prize of wildflowers.

She shook her head, unable to keep the grin from her own face. Taking the flowers, she bent to kiss him, but he pulled her down onto her knees.

“I don’t think I can stand up,” he confessed against her lips.

Manon laughed and went right on kissing him. The cheers turned to a loud buzz in their ears that they ignored along with everything else.

Eventually, Rowan appeared, offering his hand to Dorian, both in acknowledgement of a well fought match, and to help him up. Manon moved to leave but Dorian refused to let go of her hand. She was glad for it, and gripped it tightly when she remembered Maeve and Erawan in their viewing box.

The two “royals” looked anything but. Maeve clapped in a meager attempt to save face at Dorian’s insult with the flowers. And Erawan glared at them both, his hate for them rising off his skin like heat in a desert.

Dorian squeezed her hand and Manon remembered why they were out here, why Dorian had risked his life.

“I know why you did this,” she said. “I wish you would have found me first.”

“What would you have done?”

She smirked. “I would have sliced him up with my sword.”

"My lady warrior,” he said, his face dropping with exhaustion as the adrenaline wore off.

“My bard in shining armor.” She caressed his cheek and he turned to kiss her palm. “Do you really have to go back to Rifthold?”

It was the first either one had spoken of what would happen tomorrow. She knew this wasn’t the time or the place, but something inside her needed it to be. She needed to know that she’d see him again. She needed-

“I’m going wherever you are,” he said simply, as if there had never been any question.

Manon smiled softly in answer, wrapping her arm around his waist to support him off the field.

*****

The next summer, without its star in the jousting arena, the Morath Renassaince Faire saw a marked drop in attendance.

Rowan had joined his new wife in Terrasen, telling his aunt to shove it. He’d taken several of the other jousters with him, leaving them one main attraction. Cairn didn’t last long however, as no horses would allow him in their saddle.

Other parts of the faire suffered too. Without the Clay Witch selling her wares, and no all-female warrior band fighting in the war, interest waned. Artists began to close their shops. Re-enactors and food vendors found other venues.

It was as if Rowan’s departure doomed the faire. And within another year, it did just that. Maeve and Erawan closed the faire and moved away, leaving the structures empty.

The town lost business, but like others who had dealt with the Perringtons in one way or another, they were glad to see the couple gone.

But the locals still spoke of that final good year. The year when a hapless, yet handsome, bard bested the reigning Knight Commander in the jousting tournament. How he knocked the White Hawk from his horse, winning in one pass. And how he spurned the evil queen and won the heart of a witch instead.

*****

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[calypsoff]

Fourteen.

Taking my phone back from Barry “that is dope, so the song is called Diamonds? It sounds nice” nodding my head smiling, Robyn has been sending me pictures and random videos of her on set, the song is so nice “it’s going to be big, I know it. It goes like erm, so shine bright something night you and I we beautiful like diamonds in the sky. I heard it already, that song really stuck out to me and Pour it Up, my girl is so good man. So proud of her” looking down at the video that Barry just watched “I can tell, looking like a proud husband, how many times have you heard that song though? How the hell you remember lyrics?” locking my phone “erm that song I have heard about three times now, she kept playing it in the background of course, you know when they were doing the video. She looks so good, in the video that is” I do seem like a proud husband because I am, just that I am happy she is keeping me in the know but whoever was videoing her on set was funny, I think it’s her friend because they had the accent “so you excited to go to Cali?” nodding my head “yeah, I am going to be skyping my family to let them know the details, I can’t let them just find out randomly with whatever Robyn is up too. She said she is sending her jet to me, bro a jet!? A whole fucking jet, like I barely travel on a plane but a jet” Barry hit my shoulder “I want pictures bro, you fly high my brother. We will be here waiting for details” Barry dapped me, I love them both so much “it’s wild, but with Robyn telling me to not be so stubborn and let her, I am because I would really told her no, I will make it there somehow but it’s her thing, let her do it. But a jet? I am not ready for the rest of the shit; I am in Robyn’ care now. Usually she is here with me and I look after her, she is taking care of me which kind of scares me, she is a woman. I am the man, I got the money from the apartment I sold, insurance money so I am ok right now, like I got a lot to last me” Barryy nodded his head “it’s good to have your own money too, but I am excited. I am your hype man” I chuckled, I am excited right now, I think I have accepted her to just let her spoil me.

Placing my macbook on the bed and climbed onto my bed, let me skype my family. They are waiting they said, it’s literally a family meeting with them, I was going to sit at the desk but here is fine, I can relax. Tapping call on my laptop, tapping the side of my phone, Robyn has text me but I will text her back after “my baby! I thought you said you’re going to shave!?” I laughed “ma, I am. Today, don’t worry, how is you all? Don’t look at me, I am a mess right now. Just up late nights, getting things started, we posted our first set of clothing, now we just kind of push for it and wait. I am sure Tootie seen the post?” I pointed out “I did, it’s so you. The wolverine look is nice” picking my chin hair “be quiet, but how is Virginia?” I want to hear about them “fine son, we all feel happy. We were talking at dinner last night and we all feel at peace to know you are safe and at peace, we feared for you and we are happy over here. And I know there will be a time where the family will want to know you, son you were meant to be bigger than you are but yes, we are happy to see you happy. And smiling” I love my dad “yeah, I feel free. I can stand and do shit because I can, no worries at all so yeah. I know what you mean dad, I miss you all though, I really do” my mom cooed out “my baby boy, I love you so much and I cannot wait to hug you” smiling at my mother.

Listening to my mom just speaking on, I swear my mother loves a good story “what are you doing there anyways for work baby?” oh finally, I can speak “nothing right now, I am doing the clothing line. I have that money from the apartment, we good honestly. I am so happy, like besides the hair, I am happy” I chuckled “but the real reason I called this was, I am currently dating. I have been for two months now” my sister kissed her teeth “the fuck you making announcement for a girlfriend” my sister is not shit “can I get to the point!?” I spat, she rolled her eyes “I am currently dating Robyn, well I say currently I think it will be forever” I chuckled, looking at my family they are staring at me like I have lost my mind “no?” I am confused “baby you can date?” my mom said awkwardly “oh my god, I am dating Rihanna!” I spat, they all gasped “what!?” my sister shouted ever so loudly “yes I am dating Rihanna and it’s going to go public but I wanted you all to know first” my family are stupid “there is no way you are dating Rihanna?” my nephew said, he is cheeky “I am, we reconnected. I can prove it” my sister sniggered “go on then, you’re such a liar” all me and my sister do is go back and forth, but I will win this.

Turning volume down on my laptop so she doesn’t hear them, putting Robyn on speakerphone “yes poppa” I grinned “hey, I really just called to prove a point to my family” I thought I would tell the truth “what do you mean?” she is confused “Tootie doesn’t believe I am marrying you, wait no. Ignore that” my cheeks turned red “I mean we are dating” hiding my face in shame, I am so stupid “uh but you said marry? Really?” oh of course she picks up on that “uh, stop it. I am putting the phone down ok, I need too” I chuckled “I am not dropping that but ok, whatever you’re trying to prove, call me later” Robyn means it, she isn’t going to drop it either. Disconnecting the call, putting the volume back up on my laptop “is that my angel Robyn, her beautiful big hazel eyes. Oh my, you are dating her. How do you feel?” my mom is gushing, as she would “yeah but I wanted you to know first but please keep it between us, I pretty much have always loved her, but you know. She left, then she became a star. But I do love her” it just came out, just like that but I am comfortable with speaking on such things with my family, we a small family “I can tell you’re in love, wow. I am speechless, like you really dating her?” my sister repeated, nodding my head smiling “I can’t believe I said marry, man. I ain’t about to marry no woman” rubbing my face laughing “the way you are giggling you will be marrying her, damn. You go baby brother, you for real happy” let me fix myself “huh yeah, but on a real. I just want you to know first. It’s hard, I think I am hard on her and I feel it. Like I am not easy for her and I do feel bad but it’s just me, I’m not who I was when she met me then, but we give and take, we work together and yeah, I hope this doesn’t fuck up with what we are working with but it’s hard, on us both. And I have to see it, like I have these moments where I just snap, like she was jetting off to these places and took ages to come and see me” I grinned “Christopher she is so sweet, when she came to the home and you were playing your video games and not doing your school work, she would ask if I wanted to help in the kitchen, she is so kind. Don’t be mean to her, that is not you. Maybe it’s you, you feel small compared to her, to me she is just amazingly beautiful and is Rihanna, the name holds power but be appreciative of the time she can make for you” rolling my eyes shaking my head “it shouldn’t be that way, I wait weeks to get a day? Fit me between her schedule, I am a young man, and we have our needs, not being disrespectful but use your brain” my dad is so quiet “if you love a lady then sex wouldn’t phase you, her safety will be your first thought. Anything can happen son and putting your name out there that you are dating Rihanna comes with responsibility which is her name. It holds power like your mother said and you are going to gain some of that from her, treat her nicely and how you should” my dad spoke and clearly my family are team Rihanna.

That was eventful, what the fuck was going through my mind to say marry, it just flowed out so natural like I meant it. I feel so stupid now too, like what is she thinking with me saying that too “how did it go?” sitting down on the couch in a huff “great, it went better than it did. At first they did not believe me, they were thinking I was lying about it, I called Robyn and she answered. They are happy for me, they said I look happy and I am happy with that but like I said to Robyn Marry instead of something else, I am so dumb. But yeah” rubbing my head laughing “I would marry her tomorrow, how can you not want the baddest bitch in the game?” side eyeing Barry “don’t call her bitch bro, but that is because I am not seeing it for that, I am not going to jump because she is famous and beautiful. It’s not like that” these niggas don’t get it “I didn’t mean it in that way, but I am just saying, she is a beautiful lady” I sniggered “that is what I thought but I know what you meant, I just can’t have niggas being disrespectful towards her, goes to anyone but you two. I get it” my phone pinged in my hand “she is family bro, we would never” nodding my head in agreement, I understand them “why is this bitch tagging me in shit” tapping on the notification “who?” Barry asked “uhm” the picture popped up “Seiko” I mumbled “uhhh!” passing my phone to Barry “bro that is a scan picture” I don’t want to see what she is doing, I can’t. Barry took the phone me, I am not even going to entertain that “she has tagged you saying you’re going to be a daddy and she is three months pregnant” I got up from the couch “the bitch is lying” I pointed laughing “I don’t know what to say to you, she is pretty pregnant in this” this can’t be happening.

I am shaking right now but she is lying, I know she is lying “what you going to do?” Barry asked “I reported it and untagged you in the post” snatching my phone from Barry “I will push this bitch down some stairs, I don’t care” I need to relax but I can’t because she is planting a fucking baby on me “I believe you” Barry knows I would, tapping on Seiko’ name “I didn’t make her pregnant, she cheated on me. Which I don’t care but still” she answered with a laugh “oh hi” she is so smug for what “don’t, why did you tag me in that shit!?” I spat “if you don’t want to know the child then say, I understand Chris” I balled my fist up “I don’t want kids! I never do want them, the fuck!? You knew this, I will come there and push you down some stairs Seiko, I am not a fucking dad of nothing” Barry stood next to me, he is trying to tell me to calm down, but I can’t, she is trying to ruin my fucking life right now “just pay for it, I don’t care for the rest” she put the phone down on me, staring at Barry “could it be yours?” Barry asked “no, I used condoms, a hundred percent. Now if Robyn told me she was I wouldn’t be shocked because we go raw, this bitch is lying” this can’t be happening, I feel like an anxiety attack is happening again, man what the fuck “there is that chance Chris, are you sure” Barry grabbed my shoulders “I am not crying” I said putting my head down, but this is making me sad, I can’t have this.

I am sad as fuck, from the conversation I had with my family and now this. I shed a few tears; this means I can’t be with Robyn like that. My dad is right, her whole name will be dragged down with me. A convict and now his ex-girlfriend pregnant but I know I didn’t, I know it’s not mine. I always was protected, I have to admit this to Robyn because I am not that kind of nigga to do that to her, I love her, and I can’t do that to her. I will just have to close off on her and say it won’t work, that way I can’t pain her by saying she is pregnant but how do I know it’s not mine, I know it’s not. Typing a text.

Seiko: Yu ruining a niggas life after everything I been through? I did nothing but be good to yu how yu going to do me like this I know it’s not mine Seiko! Don’t do this to me

Seiko didn’t text me back at all, she is now quiet but after creating that shit she expect me to be ok, I am laid out on my bed for a good hour now, I don’t know what to do. I have to prove the baby isn’t mine because it isn’t mine, I know it isn’t. We had sex before going to New York, I know that happened and that was it but then if she is what three months then it adds up but I wore a condom, it didn’t break or anything. I fucked up, I just. I can’t let Robyn go public with me at all with this, I will have to go cold on her and say it won’t work, I mean what else can I do. My phone pinged, grabbing it from the side of me, it had to Robyn right now when I wanted it to be Seiko, unlocking my phone to see Robyn’ message.

Twin: Facetime me now?

I sighed out rolling my eyes, I am not in the mood for facetime at all. I am emotional and I probably look like I have been crying.

Chris: Call me

I can’t believe this is happening to me right now, the thing is I need to prove it’s not mine but then I can’t actually go public with Robyn at all, that can’t happen because I don’t want to shame her like that, my phone rang out. I guess I better speak to her, I am going to be cold with her “poppa” I am a mess, this is a mess “hey” I mean I am not in the mood to speak “I have finished filming now, my family are coming to Cali for a while, I am excited but tired, I have been just planning so much for you. I am also worried…” Robyn spoke on and spoke on and all I could think of is that there is a slim chance I could be the father; I mean a very slim chance and I have ruined this “Chris!” Robyn shouted “what!?” I shouted back; she broke my thought “why are you shouting me?” I huffed out “you shouted at me?” which she did “because you aren’t paying attention to me, no need to be angry with me” getting up off of the bed and sitting on the edge of the bed “what you doing?” I asked, I mean I don’t want her to be with people and she gets upset, I mean she will be upset “I am in the trailer currently, for a while” I got to tell her now, I can’t wait because I am practically supposed to be leaving to see her in two days “Robyn…” I dragged out, man I really love her and this hurts, she can’t be with me like this “I can’t come there-” banging on my bedroom door stopped the conversation, the knocking is loud as fuck. Is this the police “Chris!” I breathed, it’s TJ “come in” I said, banging on my door like that “are you speaking to Rihanna?” he said out of breath “if you can see I am, I am trying to speak to her” is he stupid, but then again he hasn’t been here all day at all, so he won’t know “you haven’t said anything to her yeah? You haven’t?” eyeballing him “Chris, I need to speak to you just quick, I fucked up. Get her off the phone, just let me speak to you!” he pleaded with me, TJ means it, this is serious “Robyn, I will have to call you back” getting up from the bed “what the fuck is happening Chris, tell me what!” she is shouting now “I will call you back, I am putting the phone down��� disconnecting the call.

I expected Robyn to call me after putting the phone down, she is calling me again right now “clearly you know?” Barry does, I can tell with the look on his face, he put his hands up “I know” he mumbled, I am still confused on this, but TJ is stood behind the couch and away from me “like I thought it was done, and yeah. I didn’t expect this to happen, Chris you are my brother” looking down at my phone, Robyn is going crazy in my messages “I already have this shit with Seiko, I don’t need you do be acting dramatic for it to be something dumb so please, get on with it” they both know something I don’t “I saw Seiko in the club, this was a few months ago, when you just told me you got with Robyn and stuff. But she started saying how upset she is that you never went with her to Miami, she assumed you were cheating. She was being all emotional in the club, she was drunk, I took her to one side because I mean I knew what you were doing, and you wanted to get rid of her anyways, I just said no he didn’t. She was speaking on how you changed since seeing Rihanna, I just didn’t’ want her to keep saying Rihanna, you know” he is being irrelevant “shut up TJ, I am bored “Barry shot up from the couch “just fucking tell him! Chris, TJ fucked your ex” I froze staring at my friend, but I laughed, I had to laugh “wait, you telling me you had sex with Seiko? You fucked my ex” I don’t feel this is real “but then she told me she is pregnant, I hit raw. But then she made that post, she is lying, she is two months. She is lying on you because she thinks you’re with Rihanna, she is obsessed, she was saying how that man Rihanna is holding on Instagram is you, she tagged Rihanna in the post too, but I begged her to untag her, it’s mine. She is causing shit and I begged her to get an abortion too. She’s doing as a sick joke to pain you, she told me she is pregnant” staring at TJ, not sure if to be angry or happy. Turning around slowly breathing out, this means I am free, I can be with Robyn but he slept with my ex, that is still bad but this is good.

[danielxrk]

 ✞ I PROMISE MYSELF ONE DAY *     I’MA TELL ‘EM ALL

daniel gives the audition a day to ruminate.

he calls a few days after he gets the business card, after talking it over with woojin (and some others-- primarily woojin.) he explains what happened to the person on the other line in rambly, long-winded detail, more wordy than daniel ever is thanks to frazzled nerves. the secretary he speaks to doesn't seem startled in the slightest, and instead, explains all the details he needs to know in turn. two minutes, demonstrate at least one performance skill (daniel still doesn't really know what this means), and schedule the audition for sometime in the next week.

naturally, daniel chooses november 8th, the very last day possible, to come in. he spends another two days going about his life as usual, constantly agonizing over the audition in the back of his mind. he thinks of potential song choices over customers' coffee orders, hears guitar chords over readings he does for class in his room. he pulls his acoustic guitar out from its place where it hides underneath his bed in most free moments, quietly strumming, looking up potential audition songs on youtube and trying to transpose the sounds he hears onto the instrument in front of him.

jaehwan proves a great help, faithful guitar teacher and avid supporter as always, and daniel tries not to think about what will happen if this audition succeeds. he doesn't want to consider a contract in his hands, and a commitment to a company every day of the week, and jaehwan and the others short a bassist for empty enigma once again. he doesn't want to restructure his entire life around a trainee schedule-- he doesn't want to kill himself over dance steps every day for the rest of his life, or get told how inadequate he is in every lesson.

and yet, he still works hard to prepare his audition-- still works to do his best, and ignores the doubts and anxiety every time they surface once again.

he ends up learning three different songs on the guitar (with jaehwan's help), and shortens them all to fit within his time frame given for the audition, and with each passing day, flops between his different choices, indecision reigning supreme. he practices all three equally, waiting for something to click and help him narrow his options down.

he practices at sungwoon, minhyun, woojin and jaehwan's apartment too, always a safe space for music that daniel doesn't have at home, and they don't provide much help in narrowing down song choices, all having a different favorite and daniel, mostly too embarrassed to sing any of them for them so they can get a real idea of which option suits his voice the best.

he stuffs string beans into his mouth over dinner, and mina gives him a weird look. he pauses after he swallows it down, letting his fork fall to the side of his plate.

"daniel, are you okay?" his mother asks, and for a moment, daniel considers telling them about the audition. he considers confessing to some of the secrets of his life-- telling them about the mgas, and his love for music at the very least. empty enigma can stay a secret, but he should really start coming clean, if he might pass an audition that could change his entire life. he looks from his mother's face to his father's, and then his brother, taking a break from his own busy life to have a dinner with family like old times, and he considers it. he really does.

"ah, it's just..." the opportunity is right there. he could finally bring breathing room back into his life-- get rid of the suffocating blanket he places over everything, trying to hide it, trying to avoid disappointing his family.

but he can't do it.

"a customer was really rude to me at work today. i keep thinking about what they said," he admits, falsely.

"what did they say?" his mother asks, eyebrow raised expectantly, and daniel better come up with something good, or else she'll dismiss his worries. he can see it on her face.

"ah, um, she said that...i'm not good at anything, and can't do anything right-- because she's seen me at work before, and every time, i do a bad job," he lies. it's a pretty terrible thing to say to someone, and seems realistic enough. the food service industry can be a nightmare.

he swears his mother scoffs, but she shakes her head. "don't listen to people like that," she advises instead, and daniel nods.

"i just..." she looks at him expectantly, and he shrugs. "i don't know how long i can keep serving coffee."

"well, that always was a temporary job. it's probably about time you get a real one soon."

"maybe."

"yes. you can always work at the company, you know? it would be a good job."

"i'll think about it." he would, quite frankly, rather die. his gaze settles on mina, and the dark expression on her face suggests she understands.

after dinner, when daniel picks up the dishes off the table, and he and mina split the duty of washing dishes, the opportunity presents itself once again, and this time he doesn't shy away. "hey, don't tell mom this--" he begins.

"i can't tell mom? i'm already interested," mina replies immediately, and daniel gives her his best stern and serious look. he trusts mina, but doesn't appreciate any remarks to make him consider that trust might be displaced. he wants to believe she wouldn't betray him as far as serious matters go; after all, she watched the mgas on her own and saw him on the show, and  their parents still seem to be none the wiser, so...

he takes the business card out of his pocket once again and shows her, and she gasps, nearly dropping one of the dishes on the floor.

when he's back in his room, seated on his bed, guitar in his lap, he considers the lyrics of his song choices, and as he quietly runs over them all, there's one that resonates above the others, and he thinks he's finally made his decision.

stepping into the nova building brings him back full circle, to when he first set foot here, during rehearsals for round one of the mgas. the room the secretary directs him to isn't so different from the practice room he spent his first week in, either, but the implications are all different. this isn't practice time. he's already practiced enough. now, it's time to show the judging panel what he's got, and that they're right to give him another chance-- that he's improved since hyun bin last saw him, and since so jisub said goodbye to him, great contestant on the mgas or not.

when they call him in, he strides in with a smile on his face, refusing to betray any of his nerves. hyun bin is much closer to him now than he ever was on the mgas, and he breaks character for a moment, just to blink in moderate awe at the man. he gets a handle on himself soon though, and he introduces himself. "hello, i'm kang daniel. i'll be singing and playing guitar today." with that, the man at the end of the table nods, permitting daniel to begin.

he strums a few random notes on his guitar, then settles into the right position, and starts, fingers gliding over the frets. he only has a few beats, leading with the guitar, before he has to sing.

yeah, maybe i'ma get a little anxious maybe i'ma get a little shy

it's a straight-forward outline of how this audition will go from the start of the song, a confession of his current mental state, and how these things usually go for him: nerves, shyness, daniel by definition.

cause everybody's tryna be famous and i'm just tryna find a place to hide

for a simple song, it's surprisingly soul-bearing for daniel, and of course, that's part of the reason why daniel chose it. it's relatable for him, expressing his feelings about the audition. so many people around him would jump at the opportunity to audition for nova while he hesitated, and becoming an idol is a dream for them, while it was never a thought in daniel's mind until this summer, and still not any of his goals. he's spent most of his journey with music hiding, behind a secret identity in empty enigma, stuffing all proof of his double life under his bed or in his friends' apartment. he's really hiding so much, and the past week proved he wasn't ready to change that yet.

all i wanna do is just hold somebody but no one ever wants to get to know somebody i don't even know how to explain this i don't even think i'm gonna try

it is hard to explain-- the fact that he doesn't dream of being an idol, yet he's still standing here, strumming strings, singing to the best of his ability, even though the song is well exceeding the high end of his range. he just wants to show hyun bin that he isn't afraid, and that he's improved, and that he can handle vocal challenges; he'd rather take this risk than stick to a basic performance, just repeating what he already tried on the mgas, not showing anything new. it might backfire as he leans into the chorus, and has to reach for the higher notes.

and that's okay i promise myself one day... i'ma tell 'em all i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am

he makes this song his vow, just like the words say, that one day he'll stop swallowing down his own passions and desires, and bear it all for the world to see. one day, he'll tell his parents, and he'll endure their judgment and pursue his own path regardless of their words. maybe one day, he'll unveil himself as the real person behind cameo of empty enigma, allowing his fans to merge with his own from the mgas into one pool of spectacular people daniel might never think he deserves. one day, he'll shamelessly be the true version of himself. (one day, he'll know who that is himself.)

i'ma tell 'em all i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am that's just the way i am that's just the way i am that's just the way i am that's just the way i am

he struggles to reach his notes at the end of the chorus, and is relieved to slip back into the more manageable range the 'that's just the way i am's' fall in. as he sings, he tries to think of it as a mantra to himself, too-- that all of the different facets of himself make up who he really is, and that he doesn't need to try and change to fit into anyone else's boxes. it's good practice for the day he'll declare this to everyone without fear-- getting it into his own head first.

maybe i'ma get a little nervous maybe i don't go out anymore feelin' like i really don't deserve this life ain't nothing like it was before

another mention of nerves, but this time it comes with a new confession, and for daniel, it means this: he doesn't think he deserves this audition. he didn't blame the judges of the mgas for eliminating them, and harbored no resentment. more than that, he thought they were right, and never expected to make it as far on the show as he did. the daniel of today isn't so different from that daniel. he has a little less fear now, minimal additional time on the bass due to empty enigma's hiatus, and a bit more vocal experience than the daniel of before. one thing is certain, though; daniel's life hasn't been the same since the mgas, and now that he had a taste of the stage as just daniel, there's a part of him that wants that again. he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to shake it.

'cause all i wanna do is just hold somebody but no one ever wants to get to know somebody if you go and look under the surface (surface) baby, i'm a little insecure

a little insecure seems like an understatement, and yet, here daniel is, performing in front of a panel of judges from one of korea's most successful entertainment companies. just making it this far is enough of an accomplishment for him.

another pre-chorus where he transitions into a falsetto, more vows that one day, he'll tell them all. he launches into another chorus, smile on his face, even as his voice strains, pushed to the limits of his upper range. (maybe it was a bad choice, or he should've played the song in a different key, but it's too late for any of those regrets now.)

i'ma tell 'em all i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am am, am yeah, this is what you wanted oh, this is what you wanted i am, am, am yeah, this is what you wanted oh, this is what you wanted all along

the bridge originally goes even higher than the song, but to save his vocal cords, daniel pitched it down, now something manageable within his range, but with the help of his guitar, the song still rises, climaxing, and then giving way to his final, shortened chorus.

i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am

one final strum of his guitar, and then the room is silent. the judging panel gives no indication of how his audition went, so he simply bows, then sees himself out.

one day, he won’t have anything to hide anymore.