#ignoring their reasonings that are very different and the fact it is. literally incomparable. fiction to reality. argh. going way too far w

[questwithjess]

An Open Letter, to the ‘Affected-By-YouTuber-Scandal’ Community:

**below includes some adult language and extensive discussion of sensitive topics** 

Okay, so…this is mostly regarding the current, Logan Paul debacle... 

I don’t often comment on these kinds of events; but this, plus Felix’s 2017 issues, have made me feel that it might now be irresponsible, not to try to explain some of the idiosyncratic, psychosocial phenomena, at play here.

Be warned, I’ve got a long, strange, tangent-prone, and distinct opinion: and it’s one, I imagine, not many people are going to approve of, or share in with me. 

Nor, is it the opinion most people would expect of someone who has, both, had a close friend commit suicide by hanging; and who also, on a separate occasion, found the body of a very close loved one. These are devastating experiences, and that goes without saying. However, the equally-unavoidable truth, is that these experiences are also highly subjective.

Of course, in Logan Paul’s case, we can all agree, including Logan himself, that he handled this more-than-badly. And honestly, if that was someone I loved in his video, it would be much harder for me to say this: but, even so, I do think that there’s more to this situation to be addressed, than just to vilify a still-maturing, still-youthfully-impulsively-irresponsible, career-choice-YouTuber.

And this is where context becomes SO important; because BOTH sides are morally right, to a degree.

These actions are both condemnable and defendable: because these actions will have various, subjective effects, on…you guessed it…various subjects.

And poignantly, in manifestation, it’s a lot like Felix’s fiverr-scandal in early 2017.

Yes, if you look at both of these situations emotionally, without deeper objective-analysis; they are both just insensitive, unnecessary, and hurtful faux pas that could’ve easily been avoided, by being more empathetic and heedful of overall feelings, decency, and political-moral-correctness. 

Yet, if the inquest is about whether or not these actions were done from an intention to harm or offend, or from an intention to inform or entertain; then, it’s no longer so simple to judge.

Philosophically, it can seem reasonable to declare, that such subject-matters should never be ‘entertainment,’ informative or not. And, this has long-since been an ethical-dilemma, for artists of all kinds. But, never before, have the rules for navigating this dilemma, been more complicated and unclear than they are now; and have been, ever, since our lives became inexorably-bound to the internet, and to the various forms of technology that, now-constantly, keep us attached. This is why, it becomes paramount, for all our well-beings’, to judge each situation, as calmly and rationally as possible. 

But, back to the individuals’ in question, and their remiss indiscretions. Remember, both of these incidents are related to highly-emotional situations, and cover topics where feelings run especially, and understandably, deep. 

And so, this naturally brings up part of the unwritten social contract, into which all well-known entertainers, of all mediums, enter. Their ultimate-success, is based on their fans; and the riskier the material they choose to feature, the more they are gambling with losing the favor of many of those fans.

However, this is where YouTube – and particularly, being a successful, 20-something YouTuber, coming into your emotional and neurological-maturity inside of the bubble that is YouTube – creates a unique, and incomparably-surreal, experience. 

This is especially true, in terms of inevitably-testing moral boundaries via their content; since, unlike other types of celebrities, YouTubers pretty much manage and represent their work, themselves. And, in many cases, they have very little image, or buffer zone, or entirely-fictional character, between them and their interactive audience. 

It is entirely up to them, with millions of viewers (and sometimes, the entire media-public) watching, to walk the tightrope of an incredibly-elusive balance. They have to continuously keep their fans, and YouTube, and the public happy; whilst in the process, also staying, both, financially-profitable, and personally true to themselves.

Whether they’re conscious of it or not; along with this career they’ve chosen, they’ve also accepted a constant struggle to reconcile all these competing factors, on a nonstop, daily basis.

Their lives, essentially, become YouTube. 

Everything becomes their content.

And to be inside of that uncanny-surreality; is to look at life, through a new cognitive-filter. 

So, it’s these psychosocial phenomena of artistically-detached-ethical-mystification and real-world-surreal-world-disconnect, that, in my opinion, explain exactly how and why Logan & his friends, did not preemptively, realistically-consider the probability of encountering a deceased person in Aokigahara.

As much, as why Felix didn’t completely, realistically-foresee that he was eventually going to cross the ‘too offensive to be socially-acceptable’ line, and that the consequences for doing-so, would be so undeniably-far-reaching.

And so, this is where I plead; not, for you to ever ignore your feelings, or to ever give these guys a pass when they screw up. 

But rather, merely, to try to understand them, hear them out, let them explain, and accept their sincere apologies when they offer them.

Remember, their worlds exist, always adjacent and attached to, the precarious mediums of YouTube, video, and the internet. And, because of this, they are eternally sharing with us, pieces of themselves.

Sharing with us, their best and worst moments.

And so, before we only exactingly-express our criticisms; I feel as though they also deserve these practical considerations. 

I also, truly believe, there’s a way to express your disagreement with their actions, without cruelly and hatefully trying to tear them down as people. 

For better or worse, they made these mistakes while trying to show people something that they’ve never seen before. And yes, their negligent actions do have consequences; but so too, are there consequences to the actions of those who maliciously-attack the non-malicious-actions of others. Just something to consider.

This is a good place to note: I know, it might sound like I’m just defensive-fangirling, but that’s not, quite, the case.

And I’ll totally admit, I do have some bias, in Felix’s case.

I have watched, the illustrious, ‘PewDiePie’ for years. 

Yes, because I find his...particular...humor, uniquely-engaging.

But, even more so; it’s because I find him cathartic. 

As weird as it is to admit; he’s like the male, Swedish version of who I used to be, personality-wise. To the point where, I often, literally, predict what he’s going to say or do, before he says or does it. Also, he looks just like an old friend of mine; and, I mean, they are nearly identical twins, down to the voice.

These are totally-subjective reasons for viewership, I know.

But, they lend to the fact, that the core of my appreciation of him, may be one of sympathetic-thoughtfulness; but, it is in no way, mindless-fan-worship. 

More than anything, my qualitative, if not abstract, comprehension of his identity, comes with the ingrained acknowledgement and acceptance of his semi-flawed morality. 

Just as I acknowledge and accept my own flawed-morality, past and present.

And, in truth, it’s that very-same ethical-imperfection, that allows him to create his ever-inimitable, and beloved, brand of comedy. Just as mine, allows me to try to honestly and empathetically analyze, both best and worst of occurrences. 

Experiencing his humor, has seriously taught me invaluable lessons; and it’s one of the most emphatic examples I have, in understanding how similar moral-identities can improve, hold-steady, or decline, dependent on the presence of differing, relative life experiences.

So, basically, I guess I think of Felix as a study-guide: called to YouTube by our mercurial and morbidly-hilarious universe, itself. I don’t always agree with what he says or does, but I'm constantly seeing the world in new ways, because of the distinctive perspective that he offers.

That being said, even though I understand and appreciate his humor-driven, moral-ambiguity; I do not deny the negative consequences that inevitably manifest, when anyone pushes that line too far. 

Which, as we all know, last year, he did.

But, again, this is why context is so important. Felix’s satirical-humor is indeed, often offensive; but, it has never, once, been from a hateful place. 

Disaffected, and cynical? Maybe.

Nihilistic, and reckless? Maybe.

But, hateful? No, never.

It might be true, that he doesn’t always take these issues seriously enough, given his young, vast, impressionable audience and the current human-rights-atmosphere of our planet; and, that does, honestly, bother me sometimes. But, I also can’t ignore, that though seriousness and compassion are not the defining trademarks of his channel; they are the definite cornerstones of his charity work.

In the bigger picture, I’m not sure if there’s any way to create honest comedy, without producing both positive and negative effects. Or, whether or not social-moral-consciousness should empathetically-supersede that comedy. But, I do know that, for every person, full-spectrum-conscientiousness grows at its own, individually-singular rate. And our complete-empathetic-capacities develop, as our relatively-occurring life experiences, catalyze their transformations.

Though he’s already grown so much, over the last few years; something humorless, and close to his heart, may further-change how Felix sees the world, one day. And that change, might in turn, further-affect his personality, his humor, and thusly, his YouTube content. But, if not or until then, his cleverly-jarring-comedy will continue to enlighten, for his viewers, the full scope of human nature. The good, the bad, and all the indescribable-weirdness, in between.

But, back to my main point...    

With Logan Paul, it’s a very different story. I’d heard of him plenty, but had never actually watched his channel before all of this; because honestly, besides Felix and a few others, I don’t stay current with YouTubers, the way I once did. Though, ironically, after this whole disaster, I actually have developed a certain kind of respect for Logan as a creator; and it’s one, that I wouldn’t have had, otherwise.

That sounds horrible; but just hear me all-the-way out, okay? Please?

His previous content that I’ve, now, just checked out, trying to get a read on him; has been mostly funny-but-frivolous, classic-youth humor and drama. 

I found his personality to be a trite-but-interesting-enough, pesky-but-charismatic blend of unique and basic; that typical, early-20s-mixture of being part authentic, and part who you think you’re supposed to be, for popularity’s sake. Overall, my impression was that he was probably a decent-enough guy, but definitely still had lots of work to do, towards cultivating his full-identity.

Also, low-key, it became clear, pretty quickly, that he hadn’t yet been tested with real adversity in life. And, in practice, whenever you combine that inexperience with an oblivious, just-go-with-the-flow attitude, eventually you’re in for a rude awakening.

But, that’s just me being a hindsight-oracle. 

And I’m sorry, because that rarely helps.

Anyway, my point was, that Logan was definitely not my usual viewing-material.

Too much trendy-mainstream-consumerism; not enough peculiar, thought-provoking, or meaningful substance.

Until this.

Like it or not, this is a significant – yes, albeit a profoundly-intimate – moment, that he’s captured.

Carelessly and invasively, he captured this moment: yes. 

But, like for any journalist, even an unintentional one, is that not what it takes to capture the most awe-striking, and heart-wrenching of real moments? The moments that change our understanding, and our shared-humanity?

I think, it was not his conscious-intention to witness real death, even in the so-named ‘suicide forest,’ and because of that oversight-in-judgement and logical-preparation; his reaction was one of shock, and not one of sense.

But, after consideration, I feel that when he momentarily-shared that video with the world, it was, surely, not only for the views. 

I think he posted it, because once the cameras were finally off, he felt the power of that experience and he knew that witnessing such reality, had changed him, and thus, that it could change others. Though, how it would change them, he most likely did not fully comprehend until after he’d posted it.

Now, either way, I’m NOT saying that I endorse the choice he, originally, made. 

Posting that full, graphic video was always going to be damaging to many people. And whether he truly realized how vast the scope of that damage would be, before the public-outrage made it so-decidedly clear; that’s something only he knows, for sure. Regardless, he quickly removed the video, and stated his sincerest regrets for any pain that he caused. And I actually found him to be melancholy and heartfelt. His past hubris, seemed considerably diminished.

Nonetheless, if I’m being totally honest, whether this is why he posted it originally, or not, I believe it still remains true: it is within these intensely important, scary, solemn, palpable, unforeseen experiences, and all the weird ways that we honestly, humanly react to them; that we learn some of the most memorable lessons.

No, we should never knowingly seek to exploit others’ pain in order to learn, or to teach; but, when we haphazardly-happen upon that pain, and become a part of it, I believe not learning from it, would be the even-greater wrongdoing.

In this case, that meant watching-unfold, the aftermath of one of the saddest-actualities of life; as well as, concurrently, watching-unfold the realest experience of Logan Paul’s life, thus far.

Yes, 22 means he’s a man, and not a boy. But, in reality, at 22 the prefrontal cortex is still developing. And the full processing-spectrums of judgement-capacity, reflection and discretion, and rational-awareness in regard to the accumulation of significant-life-experiences, are all still developing.

For fuck’s sake, he said he’s never even seen (not just never found, or been near, but never seen) a dead body. That means he’s never been to an open-casket funeral yet, in his 22 years of living. Imagine that life-experience bubble. Then imagine, on top of that, you’re a semi-wealthy, (white) American youth, who doesn’t really respect or understand the deeper side of life yet, because you’re still just in that ‘live fast, have fun, do you, chase your dream’ mentality.

Inside of this, you can tell that he did not thoroughly grasp what that forest meant, before going there. And if that ignorance offends you, you are more than allowed to feel that way. 

Intellectually, it seems obvious that knowing the stories, and encountering the weight of their truth, are two, very different perspectives. But, sometimes this cannot be fully-understood, until a real-life experience shows you. 

A fact, that will hopefully never be lost on Logan, his friends, or any of us, again.

And that’s one reason, anyway; why I think sometimes, awful mistakes, like this video, need to happen. 

Of all the paths, in all the forest, they wound up there. From a semi-average ‘YouTuber-on-location’ stunt; to a legitimate test of character, for all of us.

I think, that what they were expecting, was an abstract-legend. They thought they’d have a regular camping trip, scare each other with ghost stories, and then add in some PSA, as an afterthought. What they got was a life-altering experience in true reality; one that they hadn’t wholly absorbed yet, while they were filming what we saw.

This is where it also, must, be understood, that for some people who experience this (discovering a deceased person), especially for those who have lived safely-sheltered lives, or for those who are used to employing emotional-compartmentalization; when they are suddenly faced with real, unfiltered death it can take quite a while for it to really, viscerally hit them.

This perplexing state, is metaphorically-comparable to a dazing-fog of surreality.

And the length of the adjustment-period, back to aware-acceptance, is defined by many things; including, whether or not that experience, has an audience, taking precedence over it.

Yet, this is one, vital reason, why the public forum exists: so, that we can see that we all deal with these difficult situations differently, and to learn to accept and not judge or hate that.

Yes, we may, unavoidably, feel as though they did not handle the situation respectfully. And those are absolutely valid feelings. But, how the guilt will find them later, and the good they may do because of it; we cannot, yet, know.

Yes, for some, the emotional-reaction is instantaneous. They cry. They scream. They pray. They beg. They just shut down. 

But, also yes, that other times, they keep on filming and then post, simply because that’s what they’ve always done, and they are still in the process of understanding the gravity of all that’s just changed. 

Though they feel it later, they still feel it deeply and truly.

There are SO many reactions, I could never list them all. 

This is the nature of death. And, it affects us each, differently.

But, when we’re faced with the unthinkable, I feel, we can either look away from what’s painful, and never fully see it; or we can accept the discomfort that comes with looking right at it, and learning from it all we can, in order to save others.

Because I can guarantee you, someone saw the harsh-reality, in that video; and it was the sobering wake-up call they needed, to no longer romanticize, or glamorize, or trivialize the idea of suicide.

Someone saw them reacting slowly, and casually, and not handling it perfectly; and finally stopped beating themselves up, for reacting the same way in a different-but-similar scenario.

And yes, unfortunately, given his young fan-base, there were also, assuredly, some morbidly-curious kids who were faced with their first, visceral dose of life-and-death reality. Whether that was a maturing-lesson or a scarring-trauma; again, will be subjective to the child. 

I, myself, experienced a very similar test while still in elementary school. And, though I did, consequently, have a great-many complicated feelings to work through; overall, it taught me some very crucial truths, about seeking out adult knowledge as a child. Truths, which would later, prove to save my life.

All in all, there are many interpretations, perspectives, and outcomes.

Negative, and positive. 

Things work out in as many ways, as there are people and possible choices.

And we don’t all feel the same, about what heals us and hurts us, when dealing with tragedy.

Plenty of people, feel that no matter how shocking your choice of how you talk about it is, that the most important thing is to express yourself truthfully and genuinely. And, what he posted was definitely-not sensitive or tactful: but, it was bravely, brutally, and transparently honest.

My final point, more than anything, is this: I feel that, as negative as the whole situation is (and this applies to almost-all other such ‘celebrities’ and ‘scandals’), adding more negativity, almost seemingly-trying to push Logan to the brink of the very-despair we’re all supposedly-fighting; this helps, literally, no one.

It, especially, doesn’t help the memory of the person whose life was lost.

Instead, we should all be honoring that person by learning their story, respecting their memory through not further-using them for our own agendas, and also, by associating with them a peaceful-event, where we choose to look at the full-spectrum of life’s volatile-truths; in order to finally love each other and ourselves a little more, and to treat each other and ourselves a little better.

So, let’s all be better people, right now; by finding a way to express our negative emotions, without casting excessive and divisive shame and hatred. Because, fundamentally, in their use, they undermine the very-worthy cause, we’re supposed to be defending.

We’re supposed to be, being kinder to each other, and to ourselves.

Kindness > Blame

Forgiveness is a virtue, to all. Always. 

Especially, when it’s challenging. 

So, no matter how obscure or famous the person: find a way to be kind.

This is how the most lives are saved, in the grander scheme.

Note: Though this is an open letter; its intention is to provoke contemplative silences, not angry responses. I hope that I portrayed the fact that I respect everybody’s right to their opinion, whether they agree or disagree with the opinions I’ve stated here. And though, it is my true hope, that one day we can all talk these things out rationally, rather than emotionally-reacting with wrath; ultimately, that’s a choice every person has to make for themselves. So, if you agree with what I’ve said: thank you. If you disagree with what I’ve said: thank you. And if you’ve fully-understood all I’ve said: double thank you. Seriously, I’m obviously a very long-winded, over-analytical, micro-editing, weird-stream-of-consciousness kind of writer. I’m sure to most people, this will read as confusing and all over the place. But, hey, that’s just my manifestation of truth. Thanks, friends. Be well.