#ill probs delete it within the hour but i needed it out there

[pastelpolitoed]

.

opened up to some friends about what ive beeen going through the last couple weeks and i have never so badly wanted to eat every word i put out there, i feel so hella uncomfy being seen with what i talked about and i want to vaporize myself from where i sit so i dont have to deal with the aftermath of having to talk about these things ive already started to talk about because it makes me feel like less of a me given the things i talked about like. i dont wanna talk about these things anymore, and i think i revealed WAY too much when i was poked and prodded to and now people are """"worried""" and im just like man im just here, i aint going anywhere, im doing fine! its all fine :D im fine, right? im fine, and i am way too nervous and afraid to bring them back up and i really hope no one does a follow up and we can all let this be buried in the past

not to mention the one to get the most out of me cut our conversation short to go be with his fwb who ended things the following day and im just :)

i dont wanna make folks worry, and i dont wanna be a bother? others have a LOT on their plate, and some other friends wouldnt want to hear it, and the few ive talked to about the more major pressing details i feel like im either bothering or unloading too much on them so i kinda just wanna. hide. until things get better. or disappear til they dont.

on the flip side of it not eating anything but a few taco bell tacos in a 72 hour timespan has made my jawline look fucking amazing right now, like. i get it now. i get it??* *starving youself is very unhealthy, do not do this please go eat something and drink water if someone is reading this, i am currently making food so this is not a thing i am actively doing on purpose

[lordhenry]

survey 25

Predict what your life will look like a year from now. Idk in which country I’ll be a year from now tbh.

What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given? Can’t think of one specific instance, but I appreciate compliments from strangers since they have no biased intention to make me happy.

What was the last decision you regretted making? Ok this is funny haha but this guy I had a crush on for 2 years (I think I sort of still like him but not full-on) asked me to hang out with him tonight, but I panicked and declined. Yeah, I know. I’m terrible.

When did you meet the last female you texted?
 5 years ago.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? 
I’m half excited, half scared for September. I’ll be moving to Leicester for an academic year.

Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight?
 Yeah.

Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them?
 Nope.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
 Yes, Gera. And Dad I guess.

Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? 
It depends.

Who was the last person you went out to eat with? 
Andrea.

Were you single on your last birthday?
 Yes.

Are you anyone’s first love?
 Yes.

What are the first and last names of the people in your inbox? 
No.

Did anything brighten up your day today? 
When people left the house. Peace and quiet at last.

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? 
Slight toothache.

Do you want to cut your hair?
 Sometimes I want to grow it long again, sometimes I want to cut it shorter than it’s ever been before.

Will you be in a relationship next month? 
I highly doubt it. If that guy ever tries anything with me, I’ll leave next month anyway so.. there’s really no point.

Do you remember who you liked three months ago? 
No one. I mean, I know I kinda have a crush on that guy from 2 years ago but I’m not even actively into him so.. it’s like a passive thing. I only remember I kind of like him when he shows up in my life lol. So prob not.

Has someone upset you in the past 48 hours?
 Nope.

Who is the last person to irritate you?
 Probably my brother.

What is the last thing you did before bed last night?
 Finished watching Aku no Hana.

Is there someone who likes you?
 I don’t know. Probably no one.

What makes you happy?
 Good days.

How many true friends do you have?
 I don’t want to have to count.

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 
Go back to sleep, if I can.

What’s something you really want right now? 
Clarity. But on a less intense note, something interesting to watch.

Where do you go when you need to just get away? 
My room.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
 Always. I like unisex to male t-shirts for every day cause they’re not as flimsy. I don’t have to wear a bra.

Can money buy happiness?
 To a certain degree.

Do you think women should work or stay at home?
 Whatever they wanna do.

What’s the worst thing to happen to you today?
 This day is uneventful so far so probably just that I panicked and declined him instead of saying maybe next time or what ever.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
 My cat.

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? 
No.

What’s something that can always make you feel better? 
Good music, good coffee, good weather, good book. And occasionally, good company.

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now?
 Yes. I’m 19 so.

Would you ever smile at a stranger?
 Maybe if they smiled at me in a non-malicious way.

What exactly are you wearing now? 
Silk shorts, male t-shirt.

How often do you listen to music? 
Daily.

Can you drive a stick shift? 
I learnt this before automatic so yes, but I haven’t driven in a long time so maybe no lol.

Do you care if people talk badly about you?
 To a certain extent. I can’t care about every little thing, people are going to have their own opinion.

If you could change your eye colour, would you? 
I’ll make it just a little lighter.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? 
Weather.

Does anyone regularly - other than family - tell you they love you?
 No, not even my family.

Have you ever wanted someone you can’t have?
 Yeah.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
 My new friend Alfie. Glad I won’t be totally alone in Leicester.

Does anyone hate you? 
I don’t know. If someone does then it’s not obvious.

Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
 No lol.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? 
I don’t really know if I like him enough/still so.

This time last year, were you single?
 Yes.

What is your significant other listed under in your phone?
 No significant other.

What do you think about when you are falling asleep? 
The future, I daydream, I think of what I’ll do the next day or I remind myself of things I have to remember.

When will your next kiss be?
 How would I know?

Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
 Nope. I could use a lot more.

Have you ever liked someone way older than you?
 Uh this guy I was talking about in my previous answers is about 4–5 years older. I’ve never liked someone older than that though, so far.

How many texts are in your inbox?
 A lot because I don’t delete as much as I probably should cause I’m lazy and I don’t text for fun so yeah.

Assuming you have various kinds of electronics (phone, camera, iPod, etc.), are you currently charging any of them? My iPhone.

Did you have a good day yesterday? 
It was okay. I was actually doing something. Hah can’t say the same for today.

Think back five months ago, were you in a relationship?
 No.

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
 Probably not. With a guy if he’d ask me again. I’ll hang out with a girl next week.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
 I wish lol.

Are you nice to everyone?
 I’m indifferent to everyone, and nice to those who are nice.

Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
 Yeah.

How do you look right now? Bare face, messy hair, mismatched clothing.

If you had to diagnose yourself with any mental illness, which would it be? Mild case of social anxiety maybe.

Biggest turn ons? Intelligence. Humour. Passion.

Do you practice what you preach? For the most part.

Would you prefer to live in a city, the suburbs, the countryside, or the mountains? Suburbs.

Name something that you miss. Not being of legal age, not being held accountable, being a child. I feel like I played it safe and utterly boring.

Share five goals that you want completed in the next thirty days. 1. Go to the gym. 2. Learn how to cook since I would be alone next month until next year. 3. Fix my circadian rhythm. 4. Familiarise myself with Leicester. 5. Get a new hobby.

Put the seven deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least. Pride, sloth, gluttony, wrath, greed, envy, lust.

Have you ever been told you look like a famous person? If so, who? Yeah, 2 people told me I look like Bella Heathcote (her role in Dark Shadows) and a classmate said I look like Camila Mendes in some angles (no? not at all? she’s too pretty) and then more recently, mum’s friend told me “You look like a celebrity but I can’t quite figure out who.” Not helpful. I don’t really agree.

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[heckyeahsurveys]

#245

Where do you plan on living within the next few years? birmingham probs

What was the topic of your last text message? meeting charley 

What was the last thing you cooked yourself? pasta 

Do you have an addiction? yeah

Has one of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? idk i guess years ago

Have you ever skipped school? no, i’ve faked being ill but never just skipped it

Are you very stressed at the moment? always 

Do you like surprises? nooo

Do you/did you like high school? it was ok, idk i have v mixed feelings about it tbh

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family? well my mum considers jenny her daughter so i guess haha

Do you like the rain? sometimes 

If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? this year lmao

When did you last see your mom? like an hour ago

Do you have any homework tonight? no

Do you want someone back in your life? idk

Were you happy when you woke up today? no, who’s happy when they wake up??

What’s the last drink you had? water

Were you single on your last birthday? yep

Do you believe you should change who you are for the person you love? not rly but like at the same time ppl change all the time so it might be a good thing to change?? but like u shouldn't go out of ur way to change urself for them, idk

When you’re home alone, do you still keep the door closed when you shower? yeah

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? idek what i’m doing tomorrow so definitely not

Do you think anybody likes you right now? nooo not at all 

What if you got pregnant by the last person who texted you? it’d be a miracle!!

Do you miss anyone? not RN 

Do you currently have a hickey? nope

Now your cell phone, what color is it? rose gold :))

Who called you last? kt

Ever been kissed under fireworks and with who? nope

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? hide them tbh

How many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? never 

What is your favorite color? idk

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life? fuck knows, i guess?

Have you recently lost someone that means everything to you? no

The last person you texted is the person a he or a she? she

What kind of phone do you have? iphone se

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair colour? no only my roots (which i rly need to do smth w/ tbh ://)

Do you like to cuddle? yeh

Have you ever trusted someone too much? probs

Why do you hate your ex? i don’t 

What are you listening to right now? boom by pouya n fat nick

Do you wear makeup? yep

Do you look your age? feel like i look about 12 tbh

Does anybody hate you? idk probs

What animal did you last pet or hold? a cat?

Do you have a best friend to lean on? yeah

Are you in a relationship? nope

What color is your hair? blonde

What were you doing at 8 AM this morning? sleeping

What will you be doing in 3 hours? probs sleeping

Did anyone tell you they’ll always love you and left? no

How often do you straighten your hair? most days

What are you currently looking forward to? idk nothing rn 

Have you dated the person you texted last? yeah 

Are you satisfied with your life as of now? no

Who was the last person you texted before you went to bed last night? charley i think

In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? finishing exams n leaving college forever 

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? idk probs

Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? depends 

Have you spoken to any of your exes today? yeh

Your parents are divorced/married/separated? married

Does anyone call you babe? nope

Could you cry right now? if something rly upset me 

Do you like the color orange? not especially

Does it take a lot to make you cry? not rly

Relationship status: Single, taken, complicated? single 

If you were pregnant, who would you tell first? probs jenny 

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? probs but there’s bad in everybody too

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call / text you back? lol not all night but yeah

Do you feel your life is at it’s best? not remotely

Have you ever let someone be your everything? no??

Do you bite your nails? yeah

Whose hoodie did you wear last? mine

Are you a forgiving person? depends?

Have you ever intentionally made someone jealous? probs

Do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like? no but neither's he. i’m done w/ it anyways so it doesn’t matter

What do you usually do right when you wake up? go back to sleep

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward? idk

It’s midnight and you’re crying, who do you call? i don’t 

Have you ever been called heartless? yep

Do you like someone older than you? no

Is there anyone you cannot go a day without talking to? yeah

Did you speak to your father today? yes

Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? yeah

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? idk not rly

Do you like winter? nah, cba w/ how cold it gets 

Who was the last person you messaged? kt

Has your heart ever truly ached for somebody? sure

Where’s your cell phone? next to me

Would you curse in front of your parents? yeah

Is any part of your body sore? my back aches a bit but not rly

Are you watching TV? If so what’s on? nope

Are you hungry for anything? nah 

Do you have a sweatshirt on right now? nope

What time is it? 22:57

What grade are you in this year? year 13 so 12th grade

Are you old enough to vote? nope

Have any vacations planned for anytime soon? not rly 

Do you think skunks are cute? not particularly