#ily blanca 💜

[ghost-of-you]

It's not my fault he looks like oaskoaksoakksoskaoskaos

[ghost-of-you]

Not my fault he's hot, look at him kapksapkapakaoaak

[ghost-of-you]

saw ur mom at the grocery store - ch

Paring: Calum Hood x Original Female Character.

Warnings: General angst and drinking

Word Count: 3k

Authors note: who am I writing a one shot that stays a one shot???? Anyway, this is based on the song saw ur mom at the grocery store by Abby Cates (youtube spotify). I listened to it and I couldn't get this concept out of my head. It's pretty much drunk dialing Calum (the ex) after running into his mom lol. Shout out to @villainorigincal for reading it over for me, ily Blanca 💜💜💜💜. Oh, Italics are flashback because I guess that's my brand in writing oaskdoaksoaks

My Masterlist

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Erin is too distracted by both the podcast blasting in her ears and the quest she has given herself of finding the correct ice cream flavor to be aware of her surroundings. So she doesn't notice the woman eyeing her nor her slowly approaching, gently touching her arm to get her attention until she's right there. She tries not to look too startled as she pulls her headphones down as she's suddenly faced with the last person she'd thought she'd run into in the stupid supermarket.

"Joy!" Erin greets, the need to be polite taking over, as she ignores the fact that she wants the ground to swallow her whole.

"Erin, sweetie, I thought it was you," Joy smiles kindly, probably completely unaware of how much seeing that smile hurt. She looks so much like Calum at that moment, same eyes, same smile. Maybe the correct thought would be that Calum looks so much like her. Erin hadn't allowed herself to think about him in months, not that it really matters, he's tangled in a mess of feelings that tugged her all around. Anger. Sadness. Hope. But right now, looking at the woman who has eyes the exact same shade of brown as his, it feels like she grabbed the love thread and yanked it to the forefront of her mind. "How have you been?"

"I'm great," Erin lies, "I've been really busy." That part is true. How else do you get over the love of your life walking away from you after two years if not by burying yourself into mountains of distractions so you don't have to think about it? It's definitely not healthy, but it was the only way she could cope. "How are you?"

"I'm great! I'm happy I finally got to visit again," she continues to smile and Erin can't help the smile on her face.

"I bet he's happy you're here," she says, almost without thinking. She used to tease Calum all the time about how much of a momma's boy he is but she loves that about him. Wait, turn around, she can't let herself think about him. Or talk about him. "How's-" she clears her throat, "how's Mali?"

"She's good, Calum too, really busy, so I'm just making sure he has everything he needs at home," she motions at the full cart she's pushing around. The smile in Erin's face gets harder to maintain when she hears his name, and she can't think of what to say, but Joy seems to completely miss that, "I'm gonna finish this and let you get back to your shopping. But it was great to see you, I've missed you, I wish we got to see you more," she adds, and Erin nods.

"Yeah, I missed you too, I'm happy I got to see you," she says, trying to ignore how her chest feels like it's about to split in half. They bid their goodbyes and Erin is left staring at the freezer beside her.

"Yeah, there's no way ice cream will be enough today," she mumbles to herself, grabbing the carton and moving blindly around the aisles. She contemplates a bottle of wine before shaking her head and reaching for the vodka on the shelf beside it.

She goes through checkout in a haze, trying not to think too hard about anything and it isn't until she closes the door to her car, left alone in the silence, that she lets her thoughts flow back to Calum.

Maybe let it's the wrong word. She can't get in the car without thinking of him, the empty space in the dashboard that used to hold her radio screaming at her about him just as much as the empty passenger seat. She remembers pulling at a stop and basically clawing the radio out of the car the first time one of his songs came on while she was driving after the breakup and she didn't have the heart to get a new one. Music is so tied to him, she can't listen to it anymore. It was nearly impossible to not let the memories drown her when any song was playing.

Erin's gaze kept moving from the road to Calum, the windows down, the road speeding by them, the wind blowing through her hair, and Calum's voice harmonizing with the radio making her sure there would never be somewhere where she would ever feel happier.

His hand was resting in her thigh, his fingers tapping to the beat and he was singing melody, harmonies, and instruments making her laugh while badly following, too distracted by him to put any effort into sounding good. When the song ended he leaned closer to her, whispering “I love you” and kissing her cheek. At that moment she couldn’t imagine loving anyone more.

She tries to ignore the empty space next to her, focusing on streets that blend together as the memories continue to try and take over as she fights the urge to start screaming. I don’t miss him. I don’t miss him. I don’t miss him. She chants to herself, halfheartedly hoping if she repeats it enough it will eventually stop being a lie.

Walking into her house is just as hard, the ghost of him standing by the front door, sleeping on the couch, walking through the halls, making the place feel haunted. She drops her bags by the counter, moving to get a mug and a spoon, before popping the ice cream open, scooping it to the mug before pouring a few shots on top of it, sitting down by the counter while mixing the mess in her hands.

There was flour everywhere. There was enough flour floating around that even the top of Calum’s hair had a thin white layer over it.

“Baby, you’re making a mess,” she laughed as she walked into the kitchen, leaning against the doorway to look at him.

“No, I’m making you breakfast,” he said, pointing at her with the whisk in his hand.

“Those statements are not mutually exclusive,” she teased, moving closer to him, wrapping her arms around his middle and leaning against his back, her head on his arm.

“It’s just a little flour,” he said, turning to kiss the top of her head, making her chuckle.

“A little?” She said, kissing his shoulder and moving to his side, rolling the sleeves of the hoodie, Calum’s hoodie, she was wearing, “how can I help?” She asked and he gave a grin.

“I’ve got it covered.”

“Yeah, in flour,” she laughed and he pouted, dipping his finger into the batter and splattering it across her nose.

She’s definitely in for a bad night, she thinks as she moves blindly around the house. She had tried meditation in the days when her mind was too loud to exist in but at the moment the silence was too deafening. Maybe that’s why she ends up sitting on the floor of her closet, after pushing boxes around until she finds the right one, the one with everything he left behind, the almost empty mug beside her as she stares at the framed picture in her hands.

“Can you just stop moving, please?” Erin pouted, turning to look up at Calum through her lashes, hoping he would just indulge her for once.

“Why?” He sounded annoyed, but he was looking fondly at her.

“I want pictures,” she complained and he chuckled.

“You have pictures.”

“I have pictures of you, I want pictures with you, so I don’t look like a crazy fan or whatever.”

“Fans get pictures with us too,” he shrugged and she groaned.

“I hate you.”

“You love me,” he teased, pulling her phone out of her hands, and her against his chest, kissing her cheek while taking a picture.

Looking at the photo she honestly can’t figure out how they got to where they are. How did they get there? How did they get to screaming in the middle of the night and him walking out the door without ever looking back? Also, how did she manage to go this long without reaching out to him? She can’t think of anything she wants more right now than to just hear his voice. She carefully puts the picture back in the box, the lid on top of it, and hides it again between her shoes, before standing up and pulling her phone out of her pocket.

The phone app is taunting her and so is the little bubble with Calum’s picture, while she moves around her room, her finger hovering over the call button.

She slides to the floor, her back against a wall and she just closes her eyes and hits call before she can lose the courage to do it.

“Hey, I can’t answer right now, but leave a message… or don’t, I can’t tell you what to do…” his voicemail greets her as she mutters “This is so stupid,” before the beep happens and she just sighs into the line.

“I saw your mum today," she starts, picking at a loose thread in her pants, "I don’t know if she told you, but yeah, I saw her and… I don’t know. She asked me how I was and I lied. I said I was great. Hell, I asked about your sister even though I was about to have a breakdown in the frozen section of the supermarket,” she pauses, chuckling to herself, “‘Cause, what else could I do? Tell her I have no idea how to exist in the world after you?” She runs her hand through her hair, still shorter than she was used to, “I cut my hair," she blurts out when her fingers reach her ends, and that just makes her want to list the things she's done in silly attempts to not think of him, "I don’t listen to music anymore, I… I got a new job, I tried meditation," she rolls her eyes, "and that’s funny ‘cause when that didn’t work I thought about asking Ash for some pointers before I remembered he’s also not talking to me. How long has it been now? Five? Six months? And I still have no idea who I am without you.”

The music was loud and Erin’s heels were not helping her navigate this place, the people and the mess making her sure she was going to fall at any minute. Which happened a few moments after and she would’ve felt the irony if someone didn’t catch her and if when she’d looked up to thank them all thoughts hadn’t been replaced by the stranger's face. He looked familiar but she knew if she’d ever met him before, she’d remember, the tan skin, beautiful brown eyes, bright smile. He was gorgeous and he was looking at her in a way that made her cheeks heat up, her heart speed up and her skin was tingling where he was still touching her.

“I don’t know why called… Actually, that’s a lie. I called because I miss you. I’m sorry about that, I’m sure you don’t wanna be thinking about me, but I didn’t have the strength to not call anymore.” She sighs, dropping her head to her free hand, “‘cause guess what? Apparently, I’m not over you and all it takes for me to break is your mum being nice to me,” she laughs to herself, feeling the irony of the situation, “she has your eyes, actually, I guess you have her eyes, but I bet you know what I mean,” she rubs her eyes, before looking up at the ceiling, her head hitting the wall with a soft thud.

The clock in the microwave was blinking 2:58 am and it was the only source of light in the room, along with the glare from the street light coming through the window. She doesn’t know how the night turned into a fight. But lately, fighting seemed to be all they did. Her boss was pushing her too hard and tour prep was draining him, making both of them tick-timing bombs, ready to go off at any minute.

“I can’t do this anymore!” Calum screamed, knocking the air out of her lungs.

“What do you mean?” She asked, her voice suddenly too small.

“I’m not doing this anymore,” his voice was calm and clear, “it’s over.”

His words sank in slowly, and she stood motionless in the kitchen while he gathered his stuff. Her feet seemed to start working again when he walked down the stairs, and she followed him, speechless, unable to ask him to stay as he disappeared out the door without a single glance back at her.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no idea what to do. I guess I thought hearing your voice would change something. But nah… Still love you. Still miss you,” she finally admits, chewing on her bottom lip, but the weight in her chest is still there, “I’m gonna hang up now, you can ignore this if you want. I don’t even know if you’re going to listen to it, but, yeah," she clears her throat, "goodbye Calum.”

The phone slides from her hand down to the floor after she hangs up, and she hugs her knees to her chest, dropping her head and muffling her screams against her arm. What the hell did she just do? She shouldn’t be allowed to have a phone. Actually, maybe she shouldn’t be allowed to have alcohol.

She moves down to the kitchen, abandoning the mug in the sink, keeping the spoon in her hand as she takes the ice cream carton out of the freezer, abandoning the lid next to the bottle of vodka she decides to ignore, and moving to sit in the living room. Maybe she could distract herself enough so she would stop cringing to herself.

Calum was absentmindedly tracing patterns up and down Erin’s arm, their legs tangled together, her head resting on his arm, a movie she’s not paying any attention to playing on the tv while they cuddled on the couch. He kissed the top of her head and something clicked in her brain. She smiled to herself before turning so she could face him. He kissed the tip of her nose when she did and she giggled.

“Cal?” She whispered and he hummed a yes locking eyes with her. “I love you.”

The words were barely out of her lips before his lips collided with hers and he was kissing her with such intensity it was hard to breathe.

“I love you,” he said, smiling against her lips, before kissing her again.

The spoon is caught between her teeth, a blanket around her, the Netflix app on the tv while she tries to find something she wants to watch when she hears the doorbell ringing. She lets the spoon fall off her mouth, throwing the remote and the ice cream carton into the coffee table, tightening the blanket around her before moving to answer the door. She has no idea what to expect, it’s late and she doesn’t remember ordering anything, so when she opens the door she’s convinced she’s hallucinating.

“You called me,” Calum says, the second the door is out of the way, but Erin is too stunned by his presence to not stare at him. His hair is messy, he’s wearing sweatpants and an undershirt, his car keys in one hand, his phone, that he’s shaking as he speaks to get her to look at it, in the other, eyes staring intently at her.

“I’m aware,” she says, slowly, blinking at him as if she is waiting for him to disappear, “you wanna come in?” She asks, feeling weird standing by the door, moving back out of the way when he nods. She closes the door behind her, adjusting the blanket around her shoulders as she looks at him.

“Did you mean it?” He asks, anxious eyes, still holding his phone as if it would somehow vanish, and she frowns at him.

“I said a lot of stuff, I need you to be more specific,” she chuckles, awkwardly, and he steps closer to her, invading her space and stealing her breath away.

“Do you still love me?” He asks, studying her and she opens and closes her mouth a few times. What answer does he want? She considers lying, but his eyes on her make it hard for her to think of anything to say other than. “Yes,” she breathes, and his face softens in relief, his hands moving to cup her face.

“Thank God,” he whispers, before crashing his lips to hers. She kisses him back, the blanket falling off her shoulders as she grabs hold of his shirt. Her heartbeat is ringing in her ears, and she’s convinced she’s going to wake up at any minute. It feels like a dream, his heart pounding against her hand while his lips move on hers.

“Wait,” she pulls back, and he looks breathless at her while she pinches herself.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, anxiety coming back to his eyes, and she pinches herself again, “what are you doing?”

“I’m just making sure I’m not dreaming,” she laughs, and he tilts his head, eyes soft, “what are you doing?”

“I was kissing you,” he chuckles and she shakes her head, opening and closing her mouth.

“Why?” She asks, frowning at him.

“Because I love you,” he says, voice calm and clear, and she can feel her heart swell as she looks at him, a smile fighting its way onto her lips.

“You do?”

“I do,” he nods, and she nods back, pursing her lips.

“Does that mean you won’t walk out just because you’re frustrated again?” She asks, staring up at him.

“I’m sorry I did that,” he says, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry I picked a fight in the middle of the night,” she says, apologetically and he chuckles slightly.

“I’m sorry I let you, and then left.”

“Maybe in the next fight, we can just…”

“Talk?”

“Yeah,” she chuckles as he moves closer to her, hands on her waist pulling her in.

“Sounds like a plan," he agrees, grinning at her.

“Okay, you can kiss me again.”

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taglist: @mytlrh