#im also in my fave mood aka 'why doesn't everyone just tell me they hate me!!!! i know they do!!!! just tell me and stop pretending!!!'
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i honestly hate how my brain works... or well. doesn't work
#it's like. im gonna make nico suffer as much as possible and then they'll hate themselves for suffering and then they'll suffer more and th-#and obviously everyone else hates nico too bc of how his brain works even if no one but nico knows what's going on in their head#i will STAB myself with a FORK#no i won't bc that's self harm and we're trying not to do that. but. i will intensely thinking about doing it#i will also scream internally for an hour and a half at the very least#i hate this so much can someone just. make me disappear. or rewire my brain#im like. hating myself so much these days. and it's not even just the usual reasons there's MORE stupid shit on top of it#and it's like???? my bpd fucking me up and making me be a fucking dysfunctional mess and i don't even have ANY therapy for like a month#so that's fun we love christmas break here#im talking nonsense rn bc apparently talking to myself on tumblr dot hell is still better than keeping everything inside#i hate bpd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if people knew just How Much of a fucking mess my brain is they'd hate me! that's fun!#im also in my fave mood aka 'why doesn't everyone just tell me they hate me!!!! i know they do!!!! just tell me and stop pretending!!!'#now i'll shut up before even the few people who were neutral about me hate me too#personal
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