#im also posting and pinning for my own reference in case another later fronts and is like

[yami-mazda]

I've been thinking about the western vs Japanese cultural context surrounding yamikawaii/menhera and listen, I know I'm new, I know I'm a baby kawaii or whatever the fuck and I'm probably not saying anything that hasn't already been said a million times by every western yami kawaii blog ever.

Yamikawaii in Japan originated as a radical rejection of the stigma around mental illness. It also became a way to cope, take joy, wear your heart on your sleeve, maybe even be 'proud'in some way--more in the disability pride kinda pride as opposed to the lgbt pride kinda pride.

And whilst talking about mental health isn't as taboo in America, there is still VERY MUCH a taboo around mental ILLNESS. I have psychosis, autism, complex ptsd, I'm a DID system. (I'm forgetting something.) I KNOW firsthand and several times over what it is like for people to try to use tools like therapy and mental health care to brute force a neurotypicality out of me that I just can't do.

In America, it's more like people are pro mental HEALTH, not pro mental ILLNESS. If you're not mentally healthy, you're expected to work work work until you're an acceptable level of "just a lil sad sometimes" or "disabled, but adorable and sweet" instead of like. People meeting you where you are when you can't get better.

This is WHY everyone on this goddamn site says "stop making suicide jokes." (By extention, yamikawaii was heavily criticized for flippant imagery. That's also why I avoided it for a long time; it just felt like, in a WESTERN context, it was feeding into something bad.) Stop doing ANYTHING that will feed into your self harm. But like. In extreme, possibly rare, situations, that's not enough. (Not even going into the "address the societal systems that MAKE us all so miserable" angle because you're right, you're right, but I'm talking abt self care only rn.) Making me STOP making suicide jokes, making me stop self harming, making me sanitize how I speak about myself and my life just so I don't say or do anything "unacceptable" is NOT helping me overcome my mental issues. It's just making me feel repressed and more pent up so when I finally DO snap and release, it's worse than ever.

I promised myself that if I was ever assaulted again, I would fucking kill myself. So I'm finding a way to do that but also not to die through this aesthetic. By disguising self care as suicidality and self harm and whatever I need it to be, I find that it's much easier to keep on living. I'm tricking my brain in a way.

I feel like using yamikawaii to treat suicidal thoughts is kind of like using electroconvulsive therapy for severe depression. It should NOT be your first go to, it's even ill advised in most cases for obvious reasons. But if the case is so severe that it is all that can be done to treat the issue, then by all means.

[bum-callout]

the full regan tea!

i know this is long as HELL so there will be a tl;dr at the end for those who dont have the time to read it or just dont want to.

disclaimer 1: screenshots will be added to this as theyre located. a lot of this persons accounts/messages have been deleted, so some are hard to find, unfortunately.

disclaimer 2: no witch-hunting of this individual is encouraged. this is merely a warning to people who interact with them and something to document and fully address their lies over the past three or so years.

a little context:

this callout regards an individual who will be referred to as “regan” and they/them for the duration of this post to avoid confusion. a list of their known aliases is located here.

they currently go by alayne, and are most active on quotev, where their most recent urls are @jonestxwn (which is super disrespectful already lol) and @yearzer0. their old tumblr is @colacans, but if they have a new one, im unaware of it.

all victims names have been changed to preserve their privacy. here is a list of people mentioned:

gail: gail refers to the main victim of regans manipulation and their partner of several years. they started dating some time in 2015 or 2016. the broken heart emoji in some screenshots refers to gail. gails alters are also changed to “gail” for privacys sake.

jake: jake is another victim of regans, albeit a more minor one. jake met regan in 2015 and started dating them. jake is also often lied about as regan. the game controller emoji in some screenshots refers to jake.

skylar: ex-qpp/partner of regans. last testimonial is from them.

taylor: an ex friend of regans who theyd had various and sundry drama with over the 3 years of bs.

jay: an ex of regans that they parted on rough terms with.

any other censored names: people who i was sure would only be mentioned once.

gail and jake:

this is, without a doubt, the most important part of the callout, and unfortunately the part with the least viable screenshots, due to deletion of accounts/messages. gail has since deleted most of her messages from regan, but the ones that ive found/been given screenshots of are here (with gails explicit permission).

gail:

regan was incredibly shitty to gail during their 2-3 year relationship. i would go so far as to say regan was abusive. as will be seen in the actuallydivine section, regan blames a great deal of things on gail, and has never permanently taken the blame for anything in their rocky relationship; it has always, according to regan, been something wrong with gail.

here are some examples of regan exhibiting abusive behaviour (tormenting gail because its “funny”), admitting to their own shitty behaviour, and mentioning cheating on her. its interesting to note they were also dating jake at this time, but they cared about him so little they didnt even mention the effect cheating might have on him.

i find it interesting that regan admits to being shitty towards gail as far back as 2016, but has gone back to claiming they did nothing and that gail is the one at fault. perhaps it is a bit far to claim that regan is a pathological liar, but with their behaviour, i would not be entirely surprised.

another thing to mention regarding gail is that regan claimed gail pushed them into the habit of regan calling gail “daddy,” and then saying they were ace and it made them uncomfortable in the first place, when nothing could be farther from the truth. regan has publicly in front of their followers, almost 100% of whom were minors, talked about their R*PE KINK, and often called gail daddy unprompted on the feed and elsewhere. before anyone comes for me, im not claiming that they couldnt be asexual, but i am doubtful because of the fact theyve claimed that once or twice before and decided they werent, AND because of the fact they only used it to pin the blame on gail for this.

this doesnt even touch on the amount of times they threatened to kill themself.

jake:

regan and jakes relationship went as such: they met in 2015, when jake was 13 and regan was 16, and started dating. hopefully you can understand what is wrong with that, as a relationship with that age gap is ILLEGAL in every u.s. state. there was sexual conduct involved, making regan (arguably) a child predator. there is also a statement that regan dated another 13 year old when they were 17, but that is as yet unproven and the 13 year old in question is not contactable to confirm this. to the best of my knowledge, both of their current partners are also minors, despite the fact they are 19 as of october 2018.

regan was also extremely shitty to jake during this time, constantly “bullying” him (their own words) in a way that they found funny, but was clearly extremely upsetting to jake. they also pushed him aside for at least half of their relationship, as they were poly and their other partners (mostly gail) were more their focus.

above is a conversation between jake and regan. regan came to him and asked him “what [they] ever did to [him]” and after respondingg and explaining why exactly he had beef with them, he discovered that them saying they wanted “no drama” was absolutely bs, as they had been posting a psa trying to get he and gail deleted for no reason that same day. afterwards, regan messaged jake asking for a truce, which jake refused, as he was furious with them and felt that they were not in a position to ask for a truce when they were doing things like this just hours before.

misc:

this is mostly just them talking shit, but some of the stuff they say is clearly lies if you consider evidence. they constantly paint themself as the victim when they are a 19 year old abuser who takes advantage of people regularly.

(this last screenshot refers to jake changing his username to a pun based on the phrase “lies and slander”; its unclear whether regan sent this pretending to be someone else, or had someone they know send it.)

i think its also interesting to note that this screenshot and later ones where regan is friends with jake are taken merely a month apart, and then, two months later, theyre back on their bs. something about that seems super fake to me.

actuallydivine:

regardless of your opinion on actuallydivine, if you look at the lies section, you can see regan blaming gail for all their actuallydivine stuff and saying it was all a lie. yeah. bs.

mental illness:

i know this is a bit of a controversial subject, but a lot of stuff regan said/did concerning mental illness (ESPECIALLY involving their system/alters) was really shitty imo.

this is a good example of something shitty they did alter-wise. this was something they claimed OVER AND OVER AGAIN, saying shitty things they did were always their evil headmates, and constantly killing off and creating new headmates (that were mostly actually just them under a new name) as an excuse for their behaviour and a way to reset for being a shitty person.

heres them listing their mental illnesses. now, if you look in the lies section, regan says they faked their headmates (aka their osdd), so thats more proof theyre a liar. they also at one point bashed self-diagnosis, and yet they admit to self-diagnosing here. Hmm. something else to note is that in the first image, they seem to be claiming that their therapist diagnosed them, when diagnoses are made by psychiatrists, but that could be a simple oversight on their part.

lies:

self-explanatory, but this section is mostly regan saying or implying theyve changed and are now a better person.

as you can see in the above screenshots, all taken at different times in the last two years, theyve done this thing over and over and OVER where they claim theyve changed, theyre better, something has changed their view, and that is simply not the case, and never has been.

this last one is from this month (october 2018). sound familiar?

these arent so much blatant lies as it is implying theyre any different now. also, funny to acknowledge that 2015 them was a piece of shit, when they really dont act any different now.

some other ridiculous things they lied about:

their height, at least three separate times.

their zodiac sign.

killers:

regan is very much a ‘true crime’ kind of person, and i do, in some aspects, mean the fetishize-y kind. theyre borderline obsessed with serial killers, and have expressed sexual attraction for ted bundy. however, thats not the only true crime-related bullshit theyve pulled.

yeah. regans factkin with JIM JONES. and they made one of their urls “jonestxwn” like.. how disrespectful can you be? if they were a columbiner, i would not be surprised. for those who are not aware, jim jones is the cult leader who caused the jonestown massacre, which resulted in the death of 900+ people through mass suicide. its where the phrase “drinking the koolaid” comes from, as the poison was mixed with a koolaid-like product.

miscellaneous:

you thought regan could not be any more of a freak? you were wrong baybee!

even without context this is a gross thing to do. however, context makes this worse: the individual in question, while they were NOT a good person, was around jakes age, if not younger, meaning that they were at least 3 years younger than regan at the time, and were most likely probably 13-14, judging by the time period when regan was interacting with them, so regan was 3-4 years older than this individual when they manipulated and fake dated them.

just gross. its of note that regan turned 18 in 2017, so they were an adult or close to being an adult when they said this.

hmm. kind of fetishize-y, but not the worst thing ive seen from regan.

GROSS? stay away from children.

honestly this ones just funny all things considered.

this isnt the only time theyve referred to themself as a fujoshi, and some of those times were when they identified as female. yikes!

yet another one thats just funny. they are genuinely a narcissist, and regularly refer to themself as some kind of genius (not to mention their god complex, which THEY THEMSELF refer to as such).

another one like that mentioning their headmates and the fact they are, and i quote, “the smartest person alive.” come bless us mortals with your 300 iq, o god regan.

OK MR KING OF EVIL LMFAO.

they were also into ddlg but i have no screenshots of that, as after a certain period, they prefaced a lot of their posts with stuff like “hehe im not into ddlg but i sure love calling my partner daddy!” despite having said, and i quote, “ddlg is my main kink,” at one point.

another point against them, which i have proof for but didnt feel was relevant enough to this: they love tearzah, and claimed to have been in a relationship with them. although tearzah (and melanie martinez... AND reinagoth) are people who they are a massive hypocrite about, as they acknowledged they were shitty and refused to support them, and then, mere months later, decided “nevermind, dont care, i love them xoxo.”

testimonials:

this is fairly self-explanatory; its testimonials by anonymous people who interacted with regan in the past detailing what they know of them.

to add some extra context to the one directly above, this individual is younger than jake by a year.

more of these will be added as i receive more.

conclusion:

i apologize for getting kind of unprofessional at the end, but this is a subject im emotionally involved in. again, i DONT advocate witch-hunting of this individual. theyre a shitty person but harassing them will do nothing constructive.

spreading this would be appreciated, though, as this person is genuinely a danger to those around them and has continued to lie about gail and jake up until extremely recently, if they are not still doing so.

tl;dr:

regan is an abusive person who takes advantage of minors, blames the people they abuse, and constantly lies about everything they can, among a plethora of other shitty-but-less-unforgivable things.

[wizardts-shop]

As East Dallas woman clung to tree, dogs mauled her husband; I’m sick of negligent pet owners

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Friendly and verdant Ferguson Park, east of White Rock Lake, would have been a great place to hang out Monday — if not for the reason I was there.

All the other folks at the park, tucked into one of Far East Dallas’ tidy 1950s subdivisions, visited for the fun of it. Young giggly girls free from school routines shared secrets in the shade of the playground apparatus. A pair of teens hit balls on the tennis courts. A retiree walked a dog so plump that it waddled like a duck.

But as I followed the wide new trail that winds around the playgrounds, ball fields and spray park, I had but one thought: Which tree did that poor injured woman claw her way up Saturday morning to escape a dog attack so vicious that it left her in need of blood transfusions?

With so many people shooting each other to death in this city in recent weeks, you might have missed the news about Saturday’s dog attack. Dallas police hardly have time to chase down irresponsible pet owners as they battle the spike in violent crime. And Dallas Animal Services is already fighting the good fight against the city’s loose dog problem.

But this story comes down to personal responsibility. We all owe it to each other to make sure people can walk through our neighborhood parks without fearing we’ll be tormented by aggressive dogs.

A man walked a dog past tennis courts at Ferguson Park on Monday near the site where two people were mauled by three Rottweiler-mix dogs on Saturday morning.

The woman and her husband, who live near the park but whose names city officials have not yet released, were taking their regular walk about 8:30 a.m. Saturday when three dogs from a house just across the street charged at them.

The scene unfolded in a split second amid the tall trees that shade the tennis courts. The dogs attacked the screaming woman, and, as her husband fought to pull them away, they turned on him. By the time the first officers arrived, the Rottweiler-mix animals had the man pinned down as his wife looked on helplessly.

The police officers, unable to free the man, shot at the dogs, killing one and injuring another. The third fled toward the owner’s home, but Dallas Animal Services field officers contained it along with the injured animal. Both were euthanized over the weekend.

At last report, the couple remained hospitalized with serious injuries as Dallas police continue to investigate what charges, if any, to bring against the dogs’ owner.

I started writing about Dallas’ loose dog problem, which most often bedevils the city’s working-class and impoverished neighborhoods, five years ago. Much has changed for the better for both people and their pets, thanks to City Hall’s demand for accountability, a new-and-improved Dallas Animal Services and a bigger spay-neuter effort.

"

But still, too many folks just don’t get it — or just don’t care: You can’t be lackadaisical about ensuring that your dogs stay behind your fence. An apology from a negligent owner is a pitiful response for the physical harm and emotional terror wrought on victims such as the couple at Ferguson Park.

Dallas Animal Services Director Ed Jamison is even more frustrated than I am by yet another mauling. He and his staff have worked day and night to solve this problem. He says the Saturday attack is particularly sad, “given the history we have here.”

Jamison is referring to the May 2016 death of South Dallas resident Antoinette Brown, all but eaten alive by a pack of loose — but, again, owned — dogs. This gruesome tragedy highlighted the need to get control of the large number of dogs roaming the streets, particularly in southern Dallas. The incident also led to Jamison’s eventual hiring.

Since Jamison arrived in Dallas about 18 months ago, his department has picked up a record number of dogs and issued more citations than ever before while posting live-release rates unimaginable just five years ago.

Some days, the Dallas Animal Services boss and his team feel that the city’s beefed-up enforcement efforts are paying off. For example, so far in 2019, bite reports are down a little over 8%.

A couple walks their dogs Monday night at Ferguson Park, where police were forced to shoot at three dogs that attacked a couple from the Far East Dallas neighborhood.

But none of that matters much to Jamison this week as he deals with the aftermath of Saturday’s attack by owned dogs. “The message is not getting through," he said. "It all starts with them containing their animal.”

Police have not yet publicly identified the owner of the dogs that ran amok in Ferguson Park, but many in the neighborhood know him. I won’t identify him either because he has not yet been charged. When I got a hold of him Wednesday, he declined to answer my questions and told me he’d have to call me later. In off-camera interviews with two local TV stations over the weekend, he sounded contrite about the incident and maintained that the animals escaped through a hole under his fence.

However, Jamison said the DAS field officer who chased down the third dog found the gate to the man’s backyard wide open before he finally was able to roust the sleeping owner.

This also is apparently not the first time the man has been involved in animal-bite incidents. The animal shelter’s record-keeping was haphazard before Dallas police commanders took it over in 2016, but Jamison’s team has been able to piece together this history: The same man whose dogs attacked the Ferguson Park couple surrendered another dog for euthanization after a 2012 bite incident and turned over two more after the same thing happened in 2014.

“How many times do you have to allow your dogs to get out of your yard and bite somebody before you do something to guarantee it won’t happen again?” Jamison said. “Irresponsible owners are to blame, but it’s the pets that end up paying the price.”

That goes double for the unsuspecting victims of loose dogs that can become dangerously aggressive.

Just a year ago in southwest Dallas, 56-year-old Ronnie Bell lost his arm and nearly died after he was attacked by dogs that were able to get out of their owner’s yard through an open gate. In April 2018, home surveillance video captured the terrifying southern Dallas scene of two loose dogs — seemingly coming out of nowhere — attacking a mail carrier and causing serious injuries.

The City Council responded to those and other attacks by voting last summer to reinforce the ordinance regarding dangerous dogs. The amendment to an existing ordinance establishes a criminal penalty for dog bites, clearly defines an “aggressive dog” and outlines requirements owners must follow.

This new tool ensures that Dallas Animal Services can hold owners accountable in cases that police don’t press charges.

Saturday’s horror occurred in a neighborhood that has worked hard to rid itself of loose dogs. Ellen Childress, a former crime-watch leader and one of the residents whose homes back up to Ferguson Park, is especially concerned about the safety of the children who play there.

Just days before the Saturday attack, two dogs that Childress described as pit bulls parked for a while on her front porch and later behaved so aggressively that a neighbor was scared to get out of her car. Once Dallas Animal Services was called, a field officer arrived quickly and captured the animals.

Nonetheless, Childress said the violent mauling “caught everyone by surprise. We haven’t had a loose dog problem in a long time, so people felt comfortable out walking and so many children are here for the splash park.”

Once again, those using Ferguson Park are on high alert. One walker Monday evening held his dog’s leash in one hand and a thick piece of wood in the other. In some Dallas neighborhoods, that’s the norm.

As Jamison said, the fix has to start with dog owners themselves. “Why does another tragedy have to happen instead of people just doing the right thing?”

A youngster rides his bike Monday along the trail in Ferguson Park where three dogs attacked a couple out for their Saturday morning walk.

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