#im drained.. im too young for all of this yet im already buried underground

[deadpoetmagda]

It's been a couple days already yet the image of my sister vomiting thick, dark blood while I'm holding her hand is still at the front of my mind, this is the third time this happens and I don't know how much further her lungs will be able to keep her alive, blood all over her shirt and face, blood on the carpet blood on my hands blood everywhere, this is the second time during this war that we had to rush her to the hospital, I want it to end and I want the pain to go away, but if the pain does go away it'll have to take her with him, she's 32 yet all she's ever known is hospital rooms and oxygen tanks and hundreds of pills to swallow every day, all my life all I've ever known is how to put my feelings and needs aside and take care of my old sister and sleeping in hospital chairs, all I've ever known is death staring me in the eye and whispering 'soon, it'll happen soon, don't let your guard down, she's not gonna last another day, month, year', and in my dreams I'm always holding her unconscious body in my arms while my mother is screaming from behind me, and we are all soaked in blood.