#im gonna go lay down and rethink everything

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 4 episode 7: Sole Crusher

(Spoilers Below)

-Starts off with a tour of Paris. Neat.

-Ladybug and Chat noir just chilling as this tour is taking place XD

-Zoe wants a croissant. And Apparently the Dupain Cheng Bakery is just established best bakery in Paris. Also, She is cute.

-Zoé became fast friends with Marinette. And Not gonna lie, I can kind of ship it.

-Marinette heard the girl only had one friend and was like I AM GOING TO FRIEND THE S*** OUT OF YOU. Seriously, how can people not love Marinette? She is a darling.

-OMG! Zoé reminds me of pre-origins Marinette! Thats the personality. Shy, sweet, stylish, but unsure of herself.

-And now she is meeting her mother and her half sister. Well, this can only end in an akuma.

-Zoé shifted pretty quick on turning up the chloé/spoiled brat routine to talk to her mom. You can tell the girl doesn't mean what she says but knows its the only way to talk to her mom. OOOF. What actually happened? I feel sympathy for her.

-I wonder what actually happened to Zoe and what happened at her middle school.

-Chloé treating her sister like she a show dog and checking her appearance.

-So Chloé is basically laying down the rules. I know she is being kind of a b**** but oddly, it seems kind of nice for Chloé? Idk how to describe it. Its twisted but like, its also Chloé.

-Zoé sweetie... I want to adopt her.

-CHLOÉ HAS SABRINA IN A CLOSET?! WHAT THE F***.

-I take back everything I said, Chloé that is

-So Chloé has someone she bullies but says she stopped or like doesn't work well now that She became a hero? I think she means herself. OMG Marinette was the Sufferer. Chloé, WHAT THE F***?

-Chloé on rule 72. I feel so bad for Zoé. Poor girl gotta deal with this.

-Chloé are you usually this bad? Or is this like a special demonstration?

-Also Someone PLEASE HELP SABRINA! I am 100% sure this is slavery.

-Chloé making a grand announcement.

-"I will buy you a better name" Chloé 2021.

-Basically Chloé announcing this is my half sister, fear her like me or else.

-So Adrien is her best friend who is Preferably rich. (Well that Tweet that Astruc tweeted out makes sense)

-And now Chloé to try and ruin Marinette and Zoe' ship friendship

-Look give Zoe an Oscar, she is really good at fake mean.

-Also, rethinking my view on Sabrina... I think she might just have a Kink. Sabrina may be a masochist.

-Zoé is in Aurore's class! Please let them be friends

-Rose already ready to adopt the girl. Im glad they don't think the worst of her.

-Zoé is REALLY GOOD at faking out Chloé. I thought she was caught but she just Juked like a pro. Chloé even looked Proud of Zoé.

-The Mayor actually seems to care for his step daughter

-WAIT A MINUTE! I was wrong! Zoé isn't a pre-origins marinette. She is a GOOD HEARTED version of Lila!

-The Mayor, I actually feel bad for him. Damn.

-WAS THAT A YOUNG TOMOÉ?! I SAW THAT! SO THATS HOW GABRIEL KNOWS HER! OH DAMN!

-And cue Shadowmoth.

-Oh wow she looks JUST LIKE CHLOÉ. LOL, CHLOÉ CREATED A MONSTER.

-JEAN NO! YOU WERE MY FAVORITE!

-Chloé realizing she f***ed up and ran

-Chloé is on point with her selfishness today. just throwing marinette's parents into the fray

-Kaalki using her powers for what is the GREATEST 5 SECONDS OF THE EPISODE. poor plagg

-Oh look Kitty section.

-Here I am expecting Marichat where chat noir saves Marinette. but what I got was Marinette telling Chat noir she isn't done talking as she talks to the akuma. Honestly, I think thats WAY BETTER.

-Chat noir then tripped the akuma AFTER marinette was done. Nice to know he is polite.

-Well that will be a pain to walk but the akuma is not inside. Also, Chat noir just said "I will cataclysm that bitch before the city gets destroyed." Chat noir seems to be getting more and more destructive... Interesting

-WHY IS EVERYONE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT SABRINA BEING IN CHLOÉ'S CLOSET!?

-Well that was a bit anti-climactic

-and the miraculous charm too.

-Well at least things don't seem awkward with Luka and Marinette. Thats good. Nice to know they moved on.

-IVAN YOU SWEET HEART! being the first one to give a hug. Ivan ya big softie

-So Chloé's mom is even afraid of Chloé now? That seems out of character.

-I do like Mayor Andre a bit more, and Zoe seems much happier. For that I am glad.

____________________________________________________________

Overall the episode was good, It didn't stand out like some of the other episodes but I did find it pretty funny.

Some of the characters seemed out of it for me.

Kaalki was my favorite part of the episode.

I did like the interaction with the akuma and the design, though the ending felt a bit anti-climactic for me.

I do Like Zoe's character and I look forward to Queen Banana.

I would say 7.5/10.

It was good for what it was. I think it wrapped up too quickly for me. But we will see on that.

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[daisydaisybilly]

Hard to Love

title- Hard to Love part 1 

Pairing- Sam x Reader (female)

word count- 3.2k

warnings- swearing, fluff, hinted death and mention of blood

summary-  Y/N meets the Winchesters after saving them from a witch, she takes a liking to Sam right away. After getting a call from Sam for help on a solo hunt, they both realised there’s more going on than they think. 

a/n- first part to a mini series! probably would be super long but im look forward to getting it all out there! Let me know what you think. All mistakes are mine so look out for them.   *gif not mine* i change to writing in second person in part 3, and will edit this to that when i’m free 

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN  | series masterlist

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN                                                        ----------------------

The first time I met Sam and Dean Winchester, I saved them. Obviously  I had heard of the Winchesters while hunting but they were nothing like i had imagined. While watching a witch on a case, I saw two guys walk right into the witches home. The home in question would have been covered in traps.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, jumping out of my aston martin to save the helpless pair. As i got closer to the house, i could hear shouting and bangs.

Looking through the window to see what was happening and spotting one of the guys  lay across the floor probably knocked out. And the other being held up against a wall by a spell.

Opening the door as quietly as i could so the witch wouldn't hear me, and began walking into the room. The one against the wall spotted me, to stop him from saying anything i put a figure to my lips.

"I know he's a looker but I'm sure there are easier ways than this" i smiled holding my gun to the back of the witches head, putting the trigger before she could make another move she fell to the ground.

With the witch being dead her spell was too, I waited to thanked but he ran over to his friend instead. "Dean?!". I watch how he shook 'dean' till he woke up.

He drowsily sat up and looked from the dead witch to me, watching them. "What happened and who is she Sammy?" he asked 'Sammy'.

I smiled my best smile and took this as my time to speak. "I'm Y/N, and I just saved you from that witch", pointing toward the ground where she lay. "I'm guessing you're Dean and Sammy"

Sammy looked really shy and looked down to the floor, he even had his hand on the back of his neck, "It's actually just Sam. Dean's the only one who calls me that".

Mouth open wide i rethink the situation, "Oh god. Are you two together? " i pointed to each of them in turn. "Awww, a hunting couple. That's so sweet".

They pulled apart from each other and stood up. "No! We are brothers! Dean and Sam Winchester" Dean said.

Breaking out in a smile and laughing, "So the big bad Winchester can't handle a witch on their own? And by the way, this was my case. Had to go for drink with the chief of police for information".

Sam walk to where  his brother stood. "Well thank you for saving us but we would of been find" Sam smiled to hopefully calm things down.

Now that was a smile that could get any girl he wanted. "Well why don’t' we find another witch and see how it goes?"

"Okay, you two need to stop flirting and help clean this place up" Dean said as he made his way over to you.

"Oh sweetheart. I haven't even started yet" i said stepping aside letting him deal with the body. Leaving them to put everything in order as I typed something on my phone.

"Aren't you going to help?" Dean called from the other room, while Sam was in the same room as me.

"I did the kill so you do the clean up." i walked around the room to make sure everything was good. "besides I have places to be and people to be with". Picking up a pen that was on a nearly by  desk in the room, walking up to Sam. "speaking of." i took one of Sam's big hands in mine and wrote my number.

Sam watched as I wrote then met my Y/E/C eyes with his hazel when I had finished. "Call me if you need some help or if you just want some fun". dropping the pen into his still open hand and left him shocked.                                                                                                         ///

In took 2 months before i heard from them again, after a 3 day long hunt I was resting at a motel when my phone started to ring.

"Hello" i called checking my nails as i wait for an answer.

"Is this Y/N?" a familiar voice said. I knew it but not where from.

"Well, you have my number so take a guess" i said moving to stand now. "Look if you need help tell me and I'll do what I can".

"It's Sam Winchester. You gave me your number" He said awkwardly.

Grinning i continue, "Sammy. So tell me is this call for business  or pleasure" playing with the lose hairs that had fallen from the bun I wore on lazy days.

"Kind of both" He laugh as the sound of a car went by in the background. "I'm on this case alone and need some help but I promise there's a drink in it for you".

"What about your brother? Aren't you two the golden boys?" I ask confused.

"something happened and I can't work with him anymore"  he explain, sounding like he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I started to pack my things, "Okay, send me the address and I'll be there as soon as I can". Hanging up I  walked out of my motel room and headed to Sam.

After a 6 hour drive i arrived at the motel Sam was staying in.  He stood outside, against the hood of a car. "Well if it isn't Sammy Winchester!" i called cheerful to get his attention.

He laughed and shook his head, watching as you lock your car. "Thanks for coming Y/N" he sounded like he meant it too.

"Well I miss that face of yours" laughing, "So I should probably go and get a room, if you're staying here". Pointing to the main office.

"If you want you can share mine" i smirked at the offer, the joke was cut off when Sam started again. "Not like that! I have two beds and it'll be easier anyway". He smiled lightly having cleared up the situation.

Shrugging i followed Sam into his room. Just like he said they were two beds both made, didn't even look slept in. "Haven't you slept recently? You did call me pretty late last night".

Sam sat on the edge of the nearest bed, putting his head in his hands. A wave of sadness went through me,  the meaningless  flirting i had been throwing his way  would be wrong here. Sitting next to him, i placed a hand on his back. "Just a lot has happen since the last time we saw each other" he said into his hands.

"Do you want to talk about it? We've all been through stuff, we've all lost people. How else do we get into this life?" rubbing his back while i spoke. Under his shirt I could feel how tight he held himself, just how much he held inside.

Feeling some for the pain loosen, he picked his head up to face mine. "It's a long story" he said quietly.

"I have all the time you need" I  smile sweetly as i continue to run my figures across his back. It felt like he was beginning to melt into my touch but then suddenly realized what was happening.

"emm. We should talk about the case" clearing his throat he moved as far as he could from me. My hand still in the position it had been in. Watching him walk around the room picking up his laptop and coming back over to where I still sat.

"Yeah we sure." watching him closely as he pulled up the right pages. "so what was so bad that you needed me?" I laugh but it didn't sound like my normal one. Thanking god that Sam didn’t  know me well enough to notices.

"Vampires, a whole lot of them" he said as he pulled up a name of vics. "3 deaths happened at the same time, caught on camera and everything".

"Not smart are they? So you got a locate on the nest or are we drawing them out?" I asked reading through the files.

Sam went still for a second, "I need your help luring them out, the last 3 vics have been young girls, probably drunk" Sam explained while you waited for the 'I'm joking'.

"You called me all the way here to use me as bait? Do you think I have nothing better to do?"  angry began to rise in me. "You know I'm good right?! Not just get by good, I'm great! And I don’t need  the Winchester stamp of approval" . I jumped up from the bed and slammed the door shut after I left the room.

I pulled open the door to my car, getting in and lent back until my breathing evened out. The door on my other side opened, Sam come and sat in the car. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that" Sam spoke before I  could tell him to fuck off.

"I don't want any special treatment just because I'm a girl. Like I said before, we have all been through stuff and lost people. Just remember that" the seriousness in my voice was a shock even to myself.

"I won't do it again, I promise" he took note of the seriousness and the lack of the smile that I never let drop.

Sam pov

The rage that burnt inside Y/N had took him back. From the first time he met her, the day she saved his and Dean's asses. He couldn't get you off his mind, even after all the shit he had been through. He had called her just to see her again and maybe have some light back into his messed up life.

It felt good to have someone who didn’t know about everything he had been through and to have someone who was so open and free.

"If I have too and it’s a big if, I will help lure the vamps out. But it's gonna cost you more than one drink" some of the seriousness had turned to a joke but her eyes stayed the same.

"whatever you want" he said smiling a little, she was truly beautiful, she always held him in awe, he hardly knew her but he liked her more than he thought was possible.

You both went back into the motel and went over the play, you weren't to happy with it but agreed if you got unlimited drink whenever you two met up and he owned you no matter how big the ask was.

Reader pov

I sat at the bar with my second drink in front of me, Sam was somewhere in the back watching for anyone watching me. Faking my alcohol intolerance was the hard bit, normal two drinks were nothing but this time I had to act like I was losing focuses.

With a  machete on your back, hidden by my jacket I slowly made my way from the bar. Stopping Sam and giving him the single. I stopped half way and held on to the wall to act like I couldn't walk.

The cold air outside felt welcoming on my face, maybe the alcohol had gotten to me more that I had like. "How you doing, pretty girl" someone whistled from behind the bar.

I tuned to face the person with a large grin and waved, the voice belong to a 30 odd looking man, he didn't look too bad either. "Hey, I'm just heading home" I struggled  to pull my keys from my pocket. "I'm still good to drive-" I laughed then continued "I hope anyway".

I tripped, the guy caught me. He moved to fast to be human. I held on to him and even lent in. Giving him the idea I was some dumb drunk girl.

I bit my lip and pulled away, my hand reaching to my back where my  machete lay. He seemed to believe that I was out of it enough to let his cover drop.  

His teeth were out in seconds, "you have no idea what I have in mind for you" he grinned, I tried to moved away but two bodies stopped me. "I have some friends with me this time, Hunter" he spat out the hunter part.

I dropped the acted then, "look you got me, lets make this easy for the both of us" I pulled my   machete from back and swung of the two behind, both fell to the floor. Their blood pooled at my feet, just as much covered my neck and face.

"Now tell me are you alone or is their more?" I swung my machete around.

"you bitch" he yelled and slapped you to the ground, I wiped away some blood that had come from a spilt lip.

"I think she asked you a question" Sam said from behind the vampire, I smiled as Sam got closer.

"Did I mention I had my own friend with me?" I stood up while Sam held the vamp in place. "So tell me are you alone or are there more of you?" I put my machete to his throat.

After not much of a fight he admitted he was the last now, after Sam had used his own  machete on him we worked on clear up. It was pure good luck no one else had left the bar and that it was too cheap for cameras of any kind.  

We threw the bodies in the boot of Sam's car and headed to the woods. The fire burnt fast in front of you both.

"So what are you gonna do now?" I asked Sam.

" I have no idea. Being with you on this hunt has made me see I hate being alone" Sam face frown as he watched the fire.

"I bet your brother misses you, I don't know what happened but don't let it get to the point where it can't be fixed" I said pulling his attention to me.

"How can you be so sure? Somethings  just can't be fixed" he said weakly.

I smiled and went to hold his hand, "You can tell me anything, if you regret it then you never have to speak to me again".

"I think I'll take you up on at" he held my hand back and smiled. His smiles were these rare things that overtook everything.

 Sam pov Y/N was great at acting her part even if she did hate it, she didn't truly shine until she took two vamp's heads off in one movement. The blood at hit her face and neck didn't bother her one bits.

When the vamp slapper to the floor he stepped forward. She smiled when she saw him, her Y/E/C shone brightly. The eyes and smile made his heart stop for a moment, the pure bliss he felt of that moment.

They dealt with the vampire rare fast then headed to burn the bodies.                                                 ////// Reader pov

The car ride back was quite but it felt good. Watching as the trees turned into homes and shops. The small motel you were staying in my decent for a night stop but nothing more than that.

I was dying to have a shower and wash away the sweat and vampire blood from my skin. I pulled my hair from the tight bun that had been in for what felt like days.

"I'm going to fall asleep in that shower" I laughed throwing my jacket onto the bed. "I have hardly slept in 4 days" I laughed heading to the bathroom.

Sam's eyes watch as I walked across the room, I turned and winked at him, "Always room for two" I joked lightly but somewhat hoped he would.

I didn't stay to see his face or if he was thinking about it. The bathroom light was low and didn't do me any favors. I ran the water till it ran hot before stripping down.

The red water flowed down the drain as you stood under the warmth the shower gave me, as the day went out the more I wanted to crawl into bed.

The split on my lip strung as the water hit it, give it a few days and it would be gone it wouldn't leave a scar. My hand ran over the lager scar that ran down the length of my tight. Scars were the only memory I had of times in my life and the people in it.

I noticed then I hadn't brought in a change of clothes, I had two opinions go out in nothing but a towel or just use my under wear which happened to be lace, my best pair.

I chose to go with the opinion that meant I was wearing something, even if it was just underwear.

Slowly I opened the door to see what Sam was doing, he was shirtless. Crap. Sat on his bed reading something. "Sam" I called out from the small crack.

He looked confused then remembered I was in the bathroom. "Y/N? is everything okay?" he asked.

"I forgot to bring something to change into- can you dig through my bag and find my night shirt" I ask watching him, look around the room for your bag.

"I don't see it but have one of mine" he walked to his bag to find a shirt. Knowing I hid for a reason he passed the shirt in to small gap. "Only for tonight right?" his hazel eyes shone bright.

"yes" I breathed out, what else was there to say. All the flame had burnt out and once again he left me feeling breathless around Sam.

His shirt smelt like him, like fresh air and trees, from all the time spent outside and travelling with the windows down.

He went back to reading whatever his book was, while I threw myself into bed. 4 days for little sleep hit me intently and it didn't take long until I was asleep with the smell of Sam surrounding me.

Sam pov

He woke up at what he guessed was mid day, the afternoon light shone across the floor. He rolled over in bed to face Y/N, she had on some jeans and his shirt from last night. She was reading a book, she bit her lip while she read.

Feeling his grazes on her, she stopped reading and looked at him, "Morning Sammy, or should I say afternoon?" she closed her book and placed it on the bed.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked sitting up in his own bed.

"You looked so cute and I could tell you hadn't slept in days" she said giving him a small smile. "If you don't have anywhere to be, I thought we could hang out today and get that drink you promised me" she pulled her hair down and let in surround her.

For a moment he lost his breath, Y/N had this ability of being so free and not caring but now and then she held herself back. Like the night before when she had jokingly invited him to join her in shower but then hid inside until she had something to wear.

"I have a day or two free" he say then smiled when she broke into a wide grin. He knew he was falling but he didn't care, this wild girl would change everything.

part two

[xsixxx]

Bad Influence - Chapter Nine

Authors Note: I'm sorry if this chapter cuts off a little at the end, I was struggling for a way to round it off & set it up for the next chapter.

I promise, we're nearly past all the boring filler bits & on to the good stuff. The next chapter is gonna be what you've all been waiting for 👏🏻

Feedback is welcome encouraged. Please.

Warnings: Language (as always), some drugs, lil bit of sauciness, someone being a bit pervy

Tags: @triplehaitches @freddiessmallnipples @queen-crue @scarecrowmax @lovesick-heart0 @littlesunnymoon @80sheart-strings @cranberribread @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @versnatasha @zoenicoles @crazysaladchopshop @ggorehorror @lunamadhatter99 @justtryingtoovercome @chaoticvybe @you-know-im-a-dreamer @eightiesrockbaby @valentines-in-london @xrosegoldwolfx @fupatroopaa @lilypetite88 @this-blog-must-be-the-place @ashleecrue @lauravic @dark-princess99 @unknownoblivion @mgkobsessed @antheasnow

(Mick smiles once in this chapter so it deserves this gif)

*Mötley House*

I snorted up yet another fat line that Tommy had so generously laid out for me, stood up straight & rubbed my nose, giggling.

"You having fun babe?" Tommy laughed, his arm snaking around my waist, trying to hold me upright.

"The best!" I slurred, wrapping my arms around his neck, still giggling like a school girl. "Do some shots with me, T-Bone!" I yelled, blindly grabbing a bottle of whatever was closest to me & downing the first one. "I bet I can do more than you."

"You're on doll!" He chuckled, snatching the bottle away from me & taking a long, impressive swig, making me immediately rethink my drunken bet.

"Gimmie that." I mumbled, swiping the bottle back & downing another shot. I couldn't taste a damn thing but the burn felt good. "Ok, let's maybe forget the bet.. How about a game?" I exclaimed, perking up at my own idea.

"Only if we can play Never Have I Ever," Tommy grinned widely, his eyebrows wiggling as I let out an exasperated groan.

"T-Bone, come on! You know I hate that game!" I whimpered, pouting at him in hopes that I could change his mind.

"That's why it's fun, princess, because you haven't done anything!" Tommy said with a hearty laugh, playfully patting my back as I took a swipe at his arm. "I like discovering new ways to corrupt you. Last time we played this, you hadn't had a one night stand & then you went home with Vince!" He finished with a wink.

I let out an unamused laugh. "Gee thanks, look how that turned out!"

"That's not my fault, I wasn't the one grinding up against Sixx in an alleyway." He announced for everyone to hear, shrugging.

I glared at him as he smirked. "I hate you, T-Bone."

"I know! But you secretly love me underneath all that hate." He smiled, mischievously. "Ok I'll start; Never have I ever.. owned a horse."

"Oh come on! You knew that already!" I complained, taking the shot anyway. "No cheating!'

Tommy giggled, holding up his hands, caught in the act. "Ok, ok, little rich girl, I'll play fair, I promise." He paused for a second, thinking of a do-over. I watched a slow smirk spread playfully across his lips. "Never have I ever fucked Nikki Sixx."

I couldn't help my scoff. "I don't believe that for a second, I've seen the way you two look at each other." I joked, rolling my eyes, but Tommy ignored me, eagerly eyeing up the bottle clasped in my hands, waiting for me to take a shot. I let out a short, sharp laugh of victory. "T-Bone, I'm not sure what you're waiting for, I told you, I haven't slept with Nikki! We've only kissed once!" I hesitated, before awkwardly correcting myself. "Well, twice now, I guess."

Tommy let out a fake groan, the corners of his mouth turning up once again. "I thought you might be more willing to 'fess up when you're wasted."

"Nope!" I grinned, "Ok, my turn; Never have I ever made a girl squirt during a party."

"Ah Bullwinkle," Tommy sighed fondly, his mind wandering back as he proudly took a shot in her honour. "I miss that chick."

"I fuckin' don't." Mick piped up. "Crazy bitch used to throw everything when she was on one," he gestured towards the broken window, now the doorway for the stream of drunken misfits who clambered in from the Sunset Strip, looking to continue the party. "You can thank her for that, sent a fire extinguisher flying through it once when she was in one of her jealous moods."

"Yeah, maybe a don't miss her.." Tommy trailed off, grimacing at the memory. "Oh but how I miss watching that beautiful stream of cum, flying majestically through the air!" He said dramatically mimicking the spectacle with his arms as I collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"Goddamn animal." Mick grumbled, slugging, what was most likely vodka, from his usual hip flask.

"Ok, your turn T-Bone," I said, trying to regain my composure, feeling my mouth twitch with the desire to laugh as the giggles well & truly took hold.

"How about my turn." Cut in a razor sharp voice, oozing with bitterness. "Never have I ever been fucked by one member of a band & then 5 minutes later, had my tongue down another members throat." Vince laughed darkly, taking the bottle from Tommy & thrusting it at me.

Tommy jumped to my defence, standing up & putting his hand on Vinces chest. "Leave it out, man."

Vince looked down arrogantly at the hand resting warningly on his chest, before ripping it away & shoving Tommy back, throwing him a threatening glare & then turning his rage back to me. "Drink up, groupie." He spat, his eyes full of disgust.

I fixed Vince with a deadpan look, the coke & booze making me confident & cocky as I took the shot, dragging it out, not breaking eye contact once. I finished & held the bottle against Vinny's chest, gesturing for him to take it.

"There you go, I saved some. I'm sure there are a lot of other girls around here who need to take a shot for that one too." I said smoothly, unphased by his icy stare. I heard Tommy's chuckle at the same time as I caught Mick trying to hide his smirk behind his flask & both sent Vince's temper ablaze.

"It's not the same & you know it," he snarled, leaning into me, his eyes dark & his breathe laced with the smell of whiskey. "You're fucking done with this band, do you hear me?!" He shouted as he spun around & stomped off in typical diva-Vince fashion.

"Nah your not." Tommy nudged me, smiling. "Me & Mick still like you, ain't that right Mick?"

Mars wordlessly lifted his flask up & tipped in to me in agreement. I couldn't help the warm smile that spread across my face. "Thanks guys, that means a lot."

"Anytime princess. Now, let's do another line." T-Bone said gleefully, rubbing his hands together.

"Ok, but first I need to pee." I announced, standing up swaying as I regained my balance. "Line 'em up T-Bone, I'll be back in a minute."

I stumbled across the filthy living room, narrowly avoiding the empty bottles & passed out bodies that littered the floor as I made my way towards the bathroom. I reached the door & turned the handle, leaning in as I pushed it open, feeling the alcohol & drugs hit me all at once as I suddenly lost my balance & fell face first through the doorway. I lay face down on the disgusting carpet, my cheek resting on its filth as I drunkenly cackled to myself about my complete lack of grace.

"What the fuck?!"

I cringed, hearing Nikki's pissed off voice.

I stood up quickly, brushing down my skirt as I tried to figure my bearings. My eyes scanned the room, taking note of the battered band flyers, posters & cut outs that were strewn all over the walls in a disorganized fashion. There wasn't much in the way of furniture, just a beat up wardrobe & one lone lamp standing next to a double mattress on the floor. On the mattress lay a passed out girl snoring softly & a half naked Nikki, sat under the covers with some sort of notepad & pencil.

"Get the fuck out Lizzy!" He barked, his face angry with a hint of amusement that could almost go unnoticed. But not by me.

"Sorry, sorry." I slurred, eyeing up his notepad. I couldn't help my curiosity. "What're you writing?" I enquired.

"Lyrics." He snapped, eyes on his notes as he scribbled something out with a sharp exhale of breathe.

"Lemme here some!" I blurted out enthusiastically as I walked over & flopped myself down on the bottom of the mattress, my intoxication overtaking my better judgement that knew full well that Nikki wouldn't take kindly to my intrusion.

He narrowed his eyes at me warningly. "Beth, I don't like people in my room unless you're in here for the same reason she was." Nikki smirked, gesturing at the snoring brunette before giving her a shove & harshly jolting her awake. "Time to go darlin," he said bluntly, without looking at her.

The stunning brunette pulled herself groggily from the bed, grabbing her clothes as she went. As she reached the door, I watched her hesitate & turn back to look at Nikki, almost as if she wanted to say something. The pause lasted a second before she thought better of herself & left without a word.

Nikki hadn't even looked up from his writing.

"You too Angel," he gestured towards the door, raising his eyes slightly to look into mine. "I'm busy."

"But I wanna hear your writing!" I whined, shuffling up the bed to lie next to him, resting my spinning head on the battered pillow.

"Don't get yourself comfortable, your ass is leaving." Nikki scowled, but I couldn't help noticing a hint of that infamous smirk dancing around the corners of his lips as his eyes appreciated the sight of me in his bed. "Since when are you interested in my music? You hate metal."

"Just because I'm not a metal fan, doesn't mean I can't be interested in the process that goes into making it." I shrugged, toying with the lace that was woven into the bust of my top. His eyes drifted to the skin peeking out from beneath it, his gaze lingering there a little longer than it should've before he shook his head, turning his attention back to his notes.

"Fine. I'm writing some stuff for the new album, it's gonna be called 'Shout At The Devil'."

"Oo edgy!" I mocked, prodding his bare chest playfully.

Nikki scowled, unimpressed with my joke. "Don't ask about my work if you're just gonna make judgements. I didn't ask for your input." He snapped, his voice a hurt & fiercely defensive.

"I'm sorry, bad joke." I mumbled, a little embarrassed, before resuming my enthusiasm. "C'mon, read me the one you're writing now!'

Nikki looked skeptical. "Fine," he relinquished, "but keep you bullshit opinion to yourself" he warned.

I mimed zipping my lips & shuffled closer to Nikki, so my head rested lightly on his bare shoulder. The warmth radiating from his skin mixed headily with my boozy state & I couldn't tell if I was more intoxicated from the alcohol or him. I saw him throw a little sideways glance, eyebrows raised, but he didn't complain & instead read aloud some lyrics scrawled under the title "Too Young To Fall In Love".

Run for the hills

We're both sinners and saints

Not a woman, but a whore

I can just taste the hate

Well now I'm killing you

Watch your face turning blue

Not yet a man

Just a punk in the street

Nikki finished, falling silent & I could feel his body tense, waiting for my 'bullshit opinion'.

"Well that was.." I struggled to find a word to best describe what I'd just heard. "Unsettling." I giggled.

Nikki frowned, annoyance plain on his face. "That's the fucking point. I don't want my music to make you feel fucking lovey & shit. It's supposed to be dirty & raw & uncomfortable." He sighed.

"No no, it's good." I quickly corrected, trying to reduce the sudden tension that came with his downheartedness. "So," I hurried on, grabbing a bottle of whiskey I'd spotted on the floor & taking a long gulp, "what number am I going to be?"

Nikki looked at me, puzzled.

"What number am I going to be? When we fuck, how many girls will that have been tonight?" I slurred, flashing him a shit eating grin.

He served me one right back. "You're feeling pretty confident tonight, aren't you?"

"Come on, you said it yourself, that's the only reason girls are allowed in here." I whispered, running my fingers along his bare chest as I lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were already fixed on me & I could see his desire burning away, setting the green in his eyes ablaze.

He paused, holding my gaze for a second, before smirking & letting out a sigh. " And that's why I told you that your ass is leaving, Lizzy." He whispered back, not giving in to me.

I ignored him as I leaned in & pressed my lips to his & felt his restraint melt away as he kissed me back. I climbed on top of him, straddling my knees either side of his hips as I ran my fingers through his thick, wild hair. I felt him grow harder as he let his hands wander to my ass, allowing my skirt to ride up above my hips, only the thin sheet & my underwear keeping us apart.

But Nikki suddenly pulled away from me, breaking the kiss as he chuckled softly to himself. "Not like this," he muttered, running his thumb along his lower lip as if to wipe away the taste of me. I could see him struggling to control himself as, to keep his hands off of me. I flashed him my own arrogant smirk.

"But I want you, Sixx." I muttered against his skin as I began placing kissing along his jawline, before sitting up & pulling off my top, throwing it casually on the floor, revealing my lack of bra. I looked back at Nikki, his eyes wide & jaw slack as his gaze feasted hungrily on the sight of my bare chest.

"What's the matter rockstar, I'm sure you've seen plenty of tits before." I teased as he dragged his eyes back up to my face. He shook his head, snapping himself out of whatever dirty fantasy he'd gotten caught up in.

"I know what you're doing Angel & it's not going to work."

"What?" I asked innocently, interlocking my fingers with his as I brought his hands to to my chest, grazing them delicately across my nipples as I slowly began grinding my hips against his.

"It's not going to happen, not tonight. Not when you're like this." He smirked at me, "but well played."

I sat back, dropping his hands, & pouted. "This is the second time you've turned me down now, you're going to give me a complex, Nikki." I huffed, crossing my arms over my exposed breasts.

Nikki laughed, taking my chin in his hand. "And this is the second time you've come on to me in a less than stable state, I'm not going to take advantage of that. Now put your clothes back on." He ordered, lowering his voice sternly, causing me to squirm a little. It didn't go unnoticed & Nikki smirked knowingly.

"Fine." I sulked, climbing off of him. But before I could move away, Nikki gripped my waist, pulling me back on to him before rolling is over & pinning me beneath him, grinning arrogantly.

"Just know that as soon as you're sober, I'm going to get you back for this." He said roughly, the bass in his voice telling me he wasn't messing around, making me shiver with desire once again.

"Touch me." I begged, but Nikki chuckled darkly as he climbed off of me, taking the sheet with him to cover his modesty. He picked up my top from the floor & tossed it to me. "Soon Angel." He promised.

I pulled my top on & pondered what he'd said. "Why won't you fuck me drunk? You fuck other girls drunk" I quizzed.

Nikki looked caught off guard before he smiled. "You're not other girls."

I tried my best to hide my sudden blush. "And what does that mean?"

“It means that you're not like other girls.” Nikki let let out a low, sultry laugh. “It doesn’t usually take this much effort to get a girl into bed with me. And that’s how I know you’re gonna taste so damn sweet when I finally do. I've worked hard to get to this point & I want to really enjoy you, Angel. I can't do that if you're smashed.” he smirked.

I couldn't hide my blush any longer, my pale skin quickly flushing pink as I stood up from the bed, trying to hide the fact that I was flustered by his words.

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special." I laughed.

"You just wait, Princess, I'm gonna make you feel things you never knew you could." Nikki chuckled darkly, his arrogance leaving me weak as he held open the door, a sly, half smirk on his lips. "Now, your ass is leaving, Lizzy."

And I left wordlessly, desperately wanting more, just like the girl before me.

*Later*

*Nikkis POV*

The music was shaking the walls of the crappy two bed shithole we resided in. I definitely wouldn't have called it home, there wasn't a single thing about the place that was comfortable or homely. It was a place to party, fuck & occasionally sleep, if we found the time.

My mind drifted back to the sight of Beth in my bed earlier than evening, her head on my shoulder, he perfect tits as she thrusted against my cock.

Fuck, I should get some sort of award or at least an honourable mention for that level of willpower, I chuckled to myself.

It was all gonna be worth it. She'd made me work for her & now it was Beths turn to wait. And fuck, I'd make damn sure it was worth the wait.

My mind carried on with its little fantasy as my hand mindlessly jotted down more lyric ideas, until I happened to hear Beths drunken protests outside my door.

"No, no I'm good." She slurred, "I've been doing lines with T-Bone."

"I bet the shit I have is better," a gruff, male voice responded. "Let's go into the bathroom & you can try it out."

"Honestly, I'm good, thanks." I heard her say, a little sharper this time.

"C'mon, come with me to the bathroom, you know you want to." Came his sleezy voice through the door. I felt my jaw clench.

"No look, I just wanna get back to the party, can you get out of my way?" Beth said, her voice almost pleading.

I'd heard enough, I threw on my pants & furiously stormed towards the door as I heard him patronisingly ask "where are your manners?"

I flung open the door to see this fucker cornering Beth, his body virtually pressed up against her as his hand rested on the wall next to her head, his arm blocking the way back to the party. His other hand was stroking her jaw line in a way that made my flesh crawl & the way his eyes leered over her body, it took everything I had not to beat that lecherous look off of his face.

"Hey asshole, where the fuck are your manners? She said she wanted to go back to the party." I growled at him, grabbing him by the shoulder & ripping him away from Beth.

"What the fuck man?!" He yelled in my face, trying to frantically grab at my hand that gripped his shoulder. "I was just talking to her!"

"Yeah? Well now you're fucking done talking to her, you get that?" I snarled back, trying my best to keep calm.

"Whatever man, figured your band slut would be free to the rest of us now you'd all finished having a go." He laughed nastily.

I'd reached the breaking point of my patience. My lip drew back, my nostrils flared & my hands balled into tight fists as I took a purposeful stride closer to him, backing him up against the wall, his back hitting it with a dull thud. One my fists relaxed for a brief second, my knuckles white from clenching & snaked around his neck, squeezing just enough to turn his face crimson as he struggled against my vice-like grip.

"Now listen up, you little prick." I spat with all of the venom I could muster. "You see this girl here? She's with me & my band. Now look around you." I paused, using my other hand to grab ahold of his jaw, forcing his face towards to party that had all but halted to gawp at my performance. "This is our party. You're in the fucking Mötley house, asshole. That means you respect what is ours. Now you don't touch this girl, you don't talk to her, you don't even fucking look at her, do you hear me?" He nodded frantically, his face turning a dramatic shade of purple. "Good. Because if I catch you anywhere near her again, I swear to god," I paused, leaning in close so no-one would hear my words but him. "I'll fucking kill you." I hissed, my voice smooth & irrevocably deadly. "Now get the fuck out."

I released my grip & watched as he scrambled out of the window like a rat retreating back into the filth he came from.

"Are you ok?" I asked gently, turning my attention back to Beth who looked somewhere between terrified & impressed. She nodded her head slowly, her eyes watching me with heavy caution.

"T-thank you." Was all she could manage.

"It's ok, Princess." I replied, a little awkwardly. "We take care of our own."

I cringed at my own words as her face still didn't break. "I-I think it's best I leave." Beth muttered, shifting her eyes from mine down to the ground as if waiting for if to swallow her whole.

"Beth, stay, I'm sorry if I scared you or whatever, I didn't mean to.." But she was already shaking her head.

"It's not that, I just.. I just don't belong here.' She mumbled, more to herself than me as she started moving herself towards the window. "Thank you again, Nikki." She whispered, squeezing my hand as she walked by before she too, was off out if the window & into the night.

[wind0wg0blin]

Bubba sawyer saving reader from random escaped victim 

Bubba sawyer x reader 

[Lets go]

You weren’t sure how long you had been living with the sawyers maybe two months now? Nonetheless they seem to have begrudgingly accepted you at this point as a certain member of the family had grown quickly attached to you.

The other sawyers were so accustomed to your presence now that not a single one of them batted an eye as you trotted down the stairs and headed to the large metal door that lead to the basement. You pounded loudly on the door and waited despite the door being unlocked. That was odd, you realized as you pulled the door open and took the first few steps down into the basement immediately hit with the horrid smell.

Pulling your shirt up over your nose you peered down into the basement before calling out to bubba who was clearly startled by you seeing as a loud clank could be heard off in a back corner. You heard soft babbling before bubba came storming up the steps in a huff ushering you away frantically. He refused to let you in the basement as it was too dangerous and even being on the steps was pushing it for him so you didn’t argue as he locked the door behind the both of you leading you into the kitchen were breakfast had been left out for the both of you, everyone else having left already.

The door having been left unlocked had completely slipped your mind as you sat with bubba and just chatted as you normally would. You were reading the paper when bubba pardoned himself saying he was going to grab somethings from the basement before meeting you in the barn for help with some things. You nodded simply and waited a moment for him to return. Realizing it was obviously going to be a bit before he came back you started out to the barn hoping to play with the animals before he got back.

You pulled open the heavy side door and walked into the dusty old barn and you were confused as to why the pigs were out of their pen when you noticed a few things out of place. Glancing around you, you didn’t initially spot anything out of the ordinary besides a few tools missing chalking it up to someone having been lazy and left things out from the day before hand. Though as you shooed the pigs back into their pen to see that the lock on it had been wretched off you were very confused and very scared.

Hearing an unnatural rustling behind you. You instinctively screamed it echoing through the barn as you turned and bolted hearing heavy footsteps behind you though just as you made it to the door you were tackled into the dirt feeling the air in your lungs be knocked from you leaving you dazed and wheezing. Just as you were dragged by your ankles back into the barn you saw the front door swing open giving the slightest glimmer of hope that you weren’t about to get murdered by this person. You tried to fight back against the person who was dragging you towards the hay pile though it did little as you weakly squirmed in their wrought iron grasp.

You could hear bubba approaching though when you tried to cry out you were still reeling to catch your breath. The person was panicking as they heard bubba too. They dropped you glancing around nervously obviously rethinking their plan. You could tell from the shape they were in they were an escaped victim of the sawyers, explaining why the basement door was open from that morning.

In the man’s moment of hesitation, you took your opportunity to also look around for some kind of plan and you quickly found it. Discarded tools lay on the ground at your side assumedly from when the man had broken the lock to the pig pen. Grabbing one of the metal tools you slammed it into the others repeatedly quickly drawing not only bubba’s attention but the now furious man looming over you who kicked your hand sending the tool flying from your grasp just as bubba began to heave open the front doors of the barn.

The man now fully panicking grabbed you and hugged you against himself as he dragged you both behind the hay pile before half sinking into it in some attempt at hiding you assumed.

You opened your mouth to cry out having finally recovered somewhat from your first encounter though he pressed something sharp into your back making you freeze as his grip on your waist tightened.

“If Im gonna die, so are you.” He growled into your ear in an attempt to be menacing

This all backfired as bubba had already followed your trail to where you were being held hostage and you both screamed as bubba grabbed you and pulled you to safety hoisting you over his shoulder so you couldn’t see though you heard a slick thunk as he had sunk a stray meat hook into the side of the guys head.

Not knowing if you were hurt or not bubba rushed over to a work bench throwing everything to the ground with a large sweep of his arm as he set you down gently quickly inspecting you over. He took each of your arms in his hands turning them over until he was satisfied. You thought you were in the clear on the bubba spectrometer until he saw the bruising already form on your ankles and the little scratches from were the guys nails had broken your skin.  

Immediately bubba began to fret even as you swore that it was fine and it didn’t hurt. You had attempted to stand to show him you were fine but as you went to slid off the table he squealed in fear and scooped you up cradling you against his chest as he carried you to the house.

You didn’t fight him as he carried you into the bathroom and set you on the counter carefully taking off your shoes and socks before delicately looking over the extent of the damage in the better lighting. This calmed him down a bit as he dabbed at the bleeding scratches with a damp cloth before he put Band-Aids over the ones the continued to bleed.

“Thanks Bubba.” You said softly as he hummed softly pulling you into a tight hug. You let out a whine of pain as that tackle really caught up to you.

When Ma got home, she was able to inform you that you had indeed fractured a rib from the impact and needed to relax until it got better. Bubba of course took on the duty of head nurse watching over you like a hawk and it hadn’t even been three days since the incident yet.

Though as you laid on the couch with a heating pad on your side and resting your head in bubba’s lap you could see the benefits of it all at least.

[I have been like super in the dumbs lately so i wrote this kinda slef indulgent thing cause I needed to flex my writer muscles so I dont just go completely shit] 

[avrageman-blog]

Day 23 : 1/23/2018

“ Its funny because cutting actually helps me keep fighting.”

DISCLAIMER ALERT! I will describe everything there is about this topic. I hope by the end of this, it wont be as visual and as precise as i thought it would. Please be careful with yourself, do not attempt what i am about to tell you. You have been warned! 

Alright so here, every so often in the past year, just to express my sadness or to even try and eliminate or just lessen it i would cut. Im not proud of it, but im not ashamed of it either. I would usually do it when my head is starting to spin and when thoughts of suicide would kick in. I do it to release my anger with myself and to just put a statement on my wrist that i wont die to myself.  I know thats probably the most stupid reason ever. Sometimes i do it too just to show people im grieving, i want some of them to rethink their decisions in life, or sometimes even just pay close attention to me and just ask how are you. I cant count how many times ive done it just to grab your attention love, and true enough i did every single time.  Depression is not something to be joked around with, depression is hard. You think failing an exam is hard? Wait till you’re locked up inside your room grieving and crying to the sound of silence, not knowing why you're sad, not knowing who you really, or what your purpose here, when all you wanna do is cry all day, or even die. That my friend is depression. The one who always tells you, things you really arent. Like ugly, hopeless, useless, and many more. Depression whether medical or not is hard and something that should be talked over. Help a friend out, you know they need you, more than ever. Stop being numb and open your eyes and see that someone desperately needs your help. Intervene in the issue and the sadness covering their mind. Here let me bring you into my world when i do it. Tears, so much tears dropping from my face tickling every inch it passes through, it showers down as it drops in the bathroom floor. Stopped by the noise outside making crackling noises, who is it? Im pretty sure its just your brother wanting to eat. You check your phone one last time to see if she texted, no shes busy doing something else, good. As i slowly drop my phone, the thoughts rush in me and scream like no other, i cry and pour out even more and as the noises started to get louder, you turn the faucet and the water starts to rush down. The sound of the flowing water fills the silence in the room. As you let it run down the drain you look at yourself in the mirror, disappointed, unwilling, and fragile. You take the razor blade and a thought rushes in your mind “What are you gonna shave with now” I get scissors and break off the two layers of blades i pick it up and wash it through water, as i continuously stare at my image asking if i should do this. I cant, but i already committed to it, just do it, but i cant, come on pussy just do it, fine, but let it be small.   You have one glance at yourself as your tears stop streaming down. You take the blade and puncture it through your skin. as it pummels itself under your skin and you cut it open. Slowly your mind starts to open and it starts to free yourself. I take a glance at myself in the mirror as sweat drips down my neck, there it is, i did it again, the blood rushes down my arm slowly dripping into the sink and it hurts so much. I look and i break down. I do another one and another and another until my whole arm is red. Until i feel the pain and until i feel that i dont have to do it anymore. I rinse off the blood and throw away all of the blades. As water touches the cuts it lightly stings, but cools it and helps stop the bleeding. I watch as i let the water wash my arm, thinking of how disappointed i am, there couldve been another way but i chose this one. How pitiful and sad. I go outside done with my business, while my arms shake and tremble in pain. I wrap it with a piece of toilet paper and put hairbands to keep it still. I lay in bed, shivering as if i had a cold. i close my eyes and tear drops down. I remember the pain and my arms starts to shake in the memory of it hurting me. The pain starts to erupt more and this time it wont stop. I close my eyes and just sleep. I highly recommend you not cutting. Not only is it bad, it too is unhealthy, dangerous, and just traumatizing. There are better ways of resolving pain and expressing that you need help. This is my story, that is how it went and i did that for all 47 of them. I didnt get to count the small ones i did cause those were a lot. Please hold on, there are people like me waiting for you to talk to, there are so much people who care. Suicide should not be the answer to your questions. Hope is there my friend, just wait another second its coming please. I love you so much! Listen so you can hear, a person only talks when you want to listen. Sean