#im having an aneurysm just lookin at it

[crescentblossom66]

Elevated Memories

A little fic that was more or less done for the Dead Bird Studio discord server. It's once again an experiment where I wrote both Conductor's thoughts, which will be in purple, and also DJ Grooves' thoughts, which will be blue. The point of view switches twice, but it's obvious whose view it's from.

“CUT!!! CUTCUTCUTCUTCUT!!!” I feel a twinge of pain in me eye as I pop a vein, not surprising, given the terrible performance of me owls which nearly caused me ta tear out me feathers. The hatted lassie drops her revolver prop after having desperately tried to get a firm grasp on it, me yellin' likely the cause for her lack of focus. But how could I not yell after the disaster that happened right in front of me very eyes!

One job, these peck necks had the simple job of merely standin' 'round lookin' scared, and they even peck that up! One day I'll just drop dead due to an aneurysm, I swear on me mum! Scene forty two, the accursed number that haunts me nightmares and even me wakin' hours. We've been stuck filmin' that damn scene over and over till I can quote it word for word for the past 3 hours now. One time an owl knocked a cactus prop over (They'll get the repairs for that taken out of their wage, obviously), another time a line was mumbled until it was unrecognizable, making me yell at the lad and tell 'im ta take the towel out of his beak, and now this!

I look at the broken camera, murdered in cold electricity by a stray bullet from the owl that was playing the leader of the greatest bandit group that would ever be featured in a Western, no, in the entirety of cinematography!...given that I donnae suffer a stroke befer we finish it. Me feathers raise the longer I look at the broken lens of me camera, and I subsequently shift me gaze over ta the culprit who's quiverin', unmistakably aware that I'm gonna rip him a new one. “Ye dimwitted, feckless, spineless, piece o'-” I turn me gaze away from the sobbing, misty-eyed pile of misery that was squirming after I grab him by the collar, and turn it ta the young lassie that pulled me sleeve ta get me attention.

“Accidents happen, he didn't do it on purpose. I'm sure that I can fix the camera in my spaceship later.”

Later, LATER!!! I NEED THAT CAMERA NOW! I CANNAE WAIT TILL LATER! WE'LL BE BEHIND SCHEDULE!!! If we cannae record the scene, me lousy peck neck of a rival will dance smugly in front of me during the next studio meetin' and taunt me in front of everyone by tellin' me how slow I am at recordin'. At least I make sure that I create with quality and not shoddily! If I donnae have enough time, me movie will lack flourish and grandeur and if I lack that then...then...I'll lose again! I CANNAE LET THAT HAPPEN...EVER!!!

The lassie likely saw me right head-feathers twitch in anger, either that or she heard me grind me beak in frustration as her eyes showed a hint of distress. I take a deep breath ta calm down. Deep inhale...slow exhale, that's better. I place a talon on her shoulder gently, not wantin' ta strike fear inta the only actor I have that is actually worth her money...If I'd pay her, that was...which I don't...Exposure is payment too, right? Right! “Aye, yer right, lassie, but we cannae halt the recordin'. I think we still have a few of 'em in the basement.” The camera destroyer takes a sigh in relief that gets caught in his throat as me gaze briefly lands on him, I can only hope that he can feel the contempt I got fer him. Makin' me waste time, crawlin' 'around the lower parts of the studio fer a replacement camera, wastin' time and resources, all because he cannae even aim straight...Peckin' buffoon...

The elevator takes his sweet time, as usual and it annoys me, just as usual. I tap me foot letting out a growl that results in the wee kid next ta me takin' a step away from me, the little tune that she had started ta hum a felt eternity earlier, getting' slightly off tune. “Wouldn't it be faster if the Express Owls helped in the search for a camera?” The young girl next to me asks cautiously, the small smile on her face looking more forced as the seconds pass.

I have to stifle a scoff, as I cross me wings. “These scatterbrained bundles of anxiety? Pah, me dead granny would be able ta get the “SS literally can't sink” back ta the surface and fixed befer these morons find a camera, even if it stands right in front o' their faces.” A rather defeated sigh escapes the mouth of the young lass, but she cannae deny that I'm right, they'd be more of a nuisance than helpful. I make me way inta the elevator and press the button fer the lower floors, grumbling as I know that the descent will be a long one. Around a minute in, and around halfway ta the bottom, the pleasant humming of the young lassie starts up again, and I can see 'er look less tense in my peripheral vision.

I ain't that scary, am I? I need ta command a certain amount of authority or the lads willnae do what I want 'em ta...Trying ta reason never did work, it didn't befer, and it won't now either. Still...am I scaring the wee lassie?

Thankfully, me hatted actress doesn't seem to realize what I meself noticed at that moment, that me posture had shifted ever so slightly, me head-feathers lowered and me shoulders slouched a bit. I quickly straightened up again befer she snaps out of the happy daydream the lass seems to be havin', her eyes unfocused and a wide smile on her face. Cannae show any weakness or doubt, never!

Upon reaching the blasted basement, the first thing we come across, like every time, is the ever growin' pile of bills. “There aren't a lot of cinemas on this planet, are there?” With that, the girl drew attention to the biggest issue this planet had, WAAAAYYY too many uneducated, simpletons who don't understand the greatness, the unlimited potential of the bestest art form ever conceived, cinematography!

“Aye, lass, it's a darn shame, everyone is a critic these days.” I continue walkin', motioning for me wee actress to follow. “A'ight, the cameras should be somewhere 'round 'ere.” I pray that me crew hasnae rearranged things again...last time was a disaster that I had been lucky enough no one saw...nearly fell off one of these crates...

The lass keeps hoppin' from crate ta crate, focusing on readin' the old and sometimes crudely written labels on the boxes on me side of the storage area. “You really have to work on your calligraphy, Conductor. My handwriting is better and I've only been on this planet for a few months.”

Who does this wee hatchling think she is?! Accusin' me of bad handwriting! I can read it and nae a bird has ever complained about it!...It might explain why me owls seem to be unable to read a basic and easy ta understand script...nah, they're just illiterate peck necks!

“Pah! This likely ain't even me handwriting, lassie. Ye're just confusin' it with something one o' owl wrote.” I shake my head smiling a bit self-satisfied at me explanation, but the smile leaves me face again the next second.

“Caution! Highly Exblowsive!-” The lass' smile turns rather smug, causing me ta scowl. “It's signed with 'Conductor'. You spelled explosive wrong, by the way.”

I cross me wings and defend me honor as best I can. “Must have been a prank from those dull-witted penguins.” I cannae face her directly, feelin' a bit called out, but I can hear a knowing 'sure' from the troublemaker. “Quit yer yappin' and find us a damn camera, lass.” She only giggles and thankfully doesnae comment any further. I search the ground boxes fer a camera, only find' useless junk aside from one crate. I had been wondering where my McGuffins were! Thought someone stole them...a certain talentless penguin to be more specific.

“Found it! Look!” I look up at the hatted kid and follow where she's pointin', praying internally that what I had been afraid o' the whole time since we got here wouldnae be the case, but alas, it was. A box, indisputably labeled 'Cameras', cracked open slightly to reveal the lens o' one o' the motion capturing devices which at that angle perfectly captured the ground far below, taunted me with it's presence at the very top of a tall stack. “It's a bit hard to reach from here...” While I stand there, trying ta compose meself again, the lass looks around probably attempting ta find a way ta reach the box with the cameras. “...Can't you just...fly up there. You're a bird, right?...I mean you have wings and tail feathers and other bird-like properties, even if I can't tell what bird you're supposed ta be...if I were to describe you, I'd say 'A lot of sharp edges in a suit'”

I already zoned out at the word 'fly', barely registering the rest of her sentence. Flying, a very easy concept for any bird, and taught at a young age, yet...something that caused me nothin' but grief.

Why does this stupid crate have ta be so far up there!? How am I supposed ta tell the lassie that I cannae fly? She'll laugh at me! She'll think I'm weak and pathetic!...She'll walk away and never come back...

I nearly gasp in surprise when I feel small hand on me shoulder and turn to look inta the concerned eyes of the young girl. “You were spacing out there...-” Her eyes wander up and down as if to scrutinize me “-You're shaking and panting slightly...Are you okay?”

I laugh heartily to mask the panic that had settled in me bones. “Of course! I'm just fine and dandy! Was just thinkin' 'bout the bills and all that jazz.” She seems to buy that sorry excuse I scrambled together and I internally sigh in relief.

“Just fly up there and get one of the cameras down. I can run up the walkway next to the stack and grab the stand of it if you pass it down to me.” The lass points at the walkway around 10 meters (33 feet) up above us, the stack is a bit taller. the way the option she described could work in theory, but...

“I...I cannae fly up there, lass. I uh, I got a nasty strain in me wing, got out o' bed and me whole wing ached. No flyin' fer me today.” More like no flying for me...ever.

The hatted lass looks slightly concerned. “Oh, okay. I guess we have to try something different.”

Me acting must be unparalleled today! Can't believe she fell fer that! I really dodged a bullet there. If she finds out that I can't fly and that I'm afraid o' heights, the girlie will tell everyone that I'm a coward. I'm nae a coward! I haven't gotten ta where I am now by bein' scared and runnin' away!

While I'm busy celebratin' me tiny victory, me actress heads up to the walkway and tries to climb the stacks o' boxes. That's why I like the lass, always takin' the initiative, being brave and quick on her feet! She reminds me o' meself when I was around her age. I'm in awe when I see that she managed to actually get to the box way up on the stack. “Hey, I think I can pass it down to you if you get up on the walkway.”

Oh no...oh nononononono!!! She wants me ta get up there?! But it's so HIGH up! Merely looking up there is nearly paralyzing! How am I supposed ta get up there! I-I-I-I cannae!...But I gotta! If I donnae get up there, the lass will suspect that somethin' is wrong and will question why I'm hesitatin'. She'll laugh at me, she will.

After taking a very deep breath and gatherin' all me courage. I start ta climb the ladder. As I watch the ground get further and further away, me heart pounds faster and faster in response, and if I could sweat, I'd likely sweat bullets.

You can do this lad, just a wee bit more, donnae think about, about how far away the ground is and...

'Connor is a coward, can't even fly, Connor is a coward, if he drops he'll go bye bye. Even a penguin could fly better than him, much to his chagrin.'

Shut up, SHUT UP!!! I'm nae a coward! Ye ain't got nothin' on me! YER ALL PECK NECKS, EVERYONE OF YE!!! Calm donwn, Connor, calm down...that was ages ago...those idiots are long out of yer life fer good. They achieved nothing while ye made yer dream a reality. Ye got this!

With shaking wings and a posture which likely would have resulted in me rival's obnoxious, deep and hearty laughter if he saw me right now, I make it onto the walkway. The only savin' grace in all this is that the young lass has her back turned ta me and cannae see me sorry state.

Donnae panic, whatever the peck ye do, donnae panic! Yer an adult, a strong and tough director. A wee bit o' height won't beat ye, ye cannae let it beat ye! One step befer the other...Fight it, Connor, fight it!

By focusin' only on the box and the lassie, I make it over ta the stack. So far so good, just need ta not look down and everything will be fine. “I'm in p-position, lass. Give me t-ta the c-camera.”

“...Don't you mean 'give the camera to me?” The girl pulls the camera out of the box, stumbling a bit as she had nowhere to really tread. “Are you sure that you're okay, Conductor? You look a bit...scared.”

“I ain't scared! Who do ye think yer talking ta?! A-Aye...Aye, I'm fine, just be careful, yeah?” With one swift and rather skillful motion, the kid with the hat pulls out the camera from the box and tries ta hand me the stand, however, an agonizing arm's length stands between me and being able ta continue recordin'. I gulp, gluing me vision ta the camera, me heart poudin' in me chest and the beat reverberating in me ears. It takes all me self control ta not have me beak chatterin' ta nae show the lass just how terrified I really am. Don't look down! Don't look down! Whatever the peck ye do, donnae look down! The words of the lass hardly reach me ears, something about stretchin' was all I can hear. I lean forward ever so slightly, felling like I'm goin' ta throw up me lunch.

Ye got this! Ye got this! Ye got this! Quit panicking and jus' grab the pecking camera, Connor! All ye have ta do is reach out and grab that blasted camera!

Creak

“AAAAHH!!!”

So high! Too high! Too threatenin'! I'LLDIEI'LLDIEI'LLDIE!!! IT'LL BREAK ME! GRAVITY WILL BREAK ME! DKHGOÖG ODGÖCJOÖRM GEGÖIHFKDLFKJC VÖWOHSLJA;D GLC

The next moments felt like a blur. All I can recall now is that I jolted away from the railin' of the walkway and pressed me back against the wall opposite of it so much that me back now hurts. Me heart was goin' so quick I could hardly tell on heartbeat from another. I felt sick, I only felt that sick once in me life befer. The fear must have overtaken me. The last thing I recall was that someone moved me!

“-EY! C_NDUC___ ! A__ YOU _KAY?” Me heart still beatin' louder than the volume of me train's whistle and bell combined makes it hard ta understand the words directed at me. It's the lassie's voice though, I'm sure o' it. I try ta calm down and gather me thoughts again. I open me eyes that I had closed shut tightly after I stumbled back against the wall. “You're safe, I brought you to the ground. What happened there? Are you okay?” The first thing I see after me vision clears after havin' me eyes closed fer who knows how long, could have been hours or minutes, I had lost all sense fer the passage of time in the panic, are the deep blue eyes of the hatted girlie.

After takin' a few more deep breaths ta calm down, I freak out yet again after realizing something.

The lass had seen me panic and fear on full display!!!

Oh no! What do I do? Me reputation! Me image is going to be ruin ferever! The lass is likely laughing at me internally, tauntin' me by feigning worry! AHHH! I'M FINISHED! ME DAYS AS A DIRECTOR ARE NUMBERED! T-The owls will laugh at me! The penguins will make fun o' me! I'll be know as the wimpy failure of a director! And the worst thing is, that DJ will win! I cannae beat 'im, That damn penguin will get everything!

'Connor is a coward, can't even fly, Connor is a coward, if he drops he'll go bye bye. Even a penguin could fly better than him, much to his chagrin.'

NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!

The harsh shaking me undaunted actress was giving me in an attempt to bring me back ta me senses, nae doubt, makes me gasp and pant, but it has the effect that she wanted.

“Don't panic, okay? Everything is alright. Uh...I-I'm going to go and get help. I'll hurry, okay?” The girl gives me an empathetic looking fake smile and runs away.

She'll tell the others.....this is it, me career is over...Nae a soul is going ta want ta watch me movies...everyone will laugh and wheeze at how pathetic I am. A pathetic loser...they were right, weren't way? The other kids back then were right. I'm a good-fer-nothing...Cannae fly, am afraid o' heights...Pathetic, truly unbearable and inferior garbage...nae a bird, just as they always said.

I ignore the tears that are threatenin' ta stain me clothes and get up, me head hanging low, me vision locked on the ground in front o' me, the wooden boards now feeling less safe and more wrong than ever befer. Shaky steps echo down the silent hallway as I walk, not even sure where ta exactly, but away, far away from the birds upstairs. The bustling background noise and their chattering soon to be replaced by scornful and condescending laughter. Laughter aimed at me. Laughter aimed at the last shreds of me pride and dignity.

-

“Alright, darlings, just one more scene. I can feel it, this movie will be our greatest one yet!” With a smile, I watch as my diligent and lovely actors get ready for the next scene of our soon to be magnum opus. I was about to sit down in my director's chair and start the fabulous new scene that I added only this morning, but the double doors behind me being pushed open with enough force to make them hit the wall behind them makes me instantly turn around. I expect to see the grim and unpleasant faced of my annoying rival, bristled feathers and tawdry clothes and all. I'm ecstatic when the intruder turns out to be my stylish diva.

I knew that she couldn't resist coming over to my side of the studio for long, no one can stay sane with that loud, grumpy bird breathing down their necks, just waiting to yell 'cut' for the thousandth time that day. She's getting over here rather fast and she seems upset if that look on her face is any indication...What did that foul-mouthed Conductor do to her?!

I frown, fearing the worst for my celebrated diva, full on ready to storm over to my rival's depressing set to have a stern word with him. “Ah, nice to see you, darling! What brings you here on this fine day?” The girl stops in front of me, her eyes wide as she tries to speak inbetween pants, she must have sprinted over here.

“Conductor...panic...don't know...what to do!” I raise an eyebrow, turning to the penguins behind me to see if any of them understood what my little star was trying to communicate to us, I only receive shrugs as an answer.

I bet that egomaniac yelled at her, for some trivial thing no less! Maybe whatever he said or did made her panic and run away in terror, I wouldn't put it past him. If there's one thing that the Conductor can never rein in it's that horrid temper of his! Alright, Grooves, first things first, the girl needs some positive attention for once.

The hatted darling inhales deeply as I place my flipper on her shaking shoulders and pull her a bit closer to comfort her. “Deep breaths, darling, everything's fine. You're safe here.” She nods and I wait a few seconds for her to catch her breath before I address her again. “What happened, was the Conductor mean to you?” I give the girl a friendly smile, trying to hide my anger over the awful, yet unsurprising bad treatment that likely got her into the state that she is in.

My distressed diva looks up at me, showing not fear as I had first suspected, but worry. “I...I don't really know what happened. He panicked and I had to take him down form the walkway and...” She has the same look in her eyes of a girl that had done something bad and felt guilty, yet I fail to make sense of the situation.

I bend down to talk to her, trying to be less intimidating to the child that way, hoping it might mitigate her panic. “Just start from the begin, darling. Tell me everything that happened.”

She meets my gaze again, at least the look of guilt switching to worry once more. “I was helping out Conductor today and we were on the first set after you enter his side of the studio. It wasn't going too well and he got really angry once an owl broke one of his cameras. I told him that I could fix it and bring it back to the set tomorrow, but he said that interrupting the recording was out of the question. We went to the basement and he acted strangely after we found the camera in a box that was on top of a huge stack of crates.”

I give her a nod in understanding. So my rival was his usual self, an insufferable menace to his owls and likely himself , what else is new. “What do you mean by, 'acted strangely'? Did he break something down there in his rage? Wouldn't be the first time, darling.”

“No, that wasn't it, he wasn't violent. It was...more like the opposite, when I told him to climb up to the walkway while I got the camera, he looked really freaked out, like he was scared and then...” She cast her eyes down to her feet again, hesitating until I lightly squeeze her shoulders to prompt her to continue. “He panicked and jumped back, hitting the wall behind him on the walkway. I got shocked and worried and hurried over immediately after. The Conductor was shaking like a leaf, and had sat down and pulled his knees to his chest. His breathing came in quick and deep, but ragged breaths, like he was gasping for air constantly. He..even started crying.”

...Did I just hear that right? The great, confident, tough strong man Conductor...cried. Now THAT would be a sight to behold! That old bird finally feeling terrible for once after making me and everyone around him feel like trash Every. Single. Day! No matter what caused it, it serves him right!

“He cried, darling? That's...awful, truly.” The girl nods.

“Yes...I feel bad for him. Can you help me calm him down?” I can't ignore the pleading eyes of the girl and try to look sorrowful to match the solemn atmosphere, but I can't deny the triumph I feel over the news.

“Of course I'll help, we can't leave the old bird in that state now, can we?” We could, but I don't think that my little star here would approve of that. She makes a motion to get me to follow her and I do as prompted, leaving my flashy and welcoming set and side of the studio to enter the bland, dark and dusty side of my rival. I briefly glance at the owls we walk past, they seem to try and console one of their own. I wager that owl was the Conductor's latest victim, tormented by the wrath of his superior and treated in an unkind and despicable fashion, I can't help but let a small frown cross my beak.

The poor darling fidgets and steps from one foot to the other nervously, she even took down her top hat, kneading it as we wait for the elevator to take us down to the depths of the studio.

In all honesty, I always hate the basement, the state of disrepair the whole lower floors is in is very concerning, but when I mention it in meetings, everyone glosses it over as if the problem will magically fix itself. One would think that the winners of the movie awards have a lot of money, but with the lack of cinemas on this planet, it's impossible. What a sad and uninspiring world we live in, a true tragedy. It would all be better if the Moon had more cinemas, my popularity would sky rocket!

When we reach the lower floors, the little darling sprints ahead so fast that I have a hard time following her, not because of my fabulous plateau shoes of course, merely because I like to take my time walking...through this...dark...gloomy, totally not vibe destroying basement.

A new coat of paint would do the place wonders, I'm sure. Unfortunately, I never have the time for that...or to fix the ceiling that's leaking. That old owl really shirks all responsibility. As famous as a celebrity, but having a workplace like a hobo with barely enough money to pay for food and water, the Conductor wouldn't know about aesthetics if they punched him in the face.

The girl stops on the ground in corner, looking around frantically, no sign of the yellow-feathered 'bird'. “Where is the Conductor, darling?”

She gives me a worried and panicked look...She really worries about that old geezer, huh. “H-He was here before! I left him here and told him to stay when I went to get you for help!”

“Calm down, I'm sure that I know where he is.” I know this bird for long enough, much to my chagrin. If I were the Conductor and I was freaking out horribly and was scared where would I go for comfort? The Owl Express, of course! “I'm sure that he went to his train, darling, we should start our search there.” I take the hand of the young girl to comfort her, it's trembling, making me feel sorry for the girl. Scaring a girl like that Conductor, no matter how bad you may feel, don't break down in front of a poor child.

We head to the station outside, the hot desert sun, cooking me alive...who in their right mind built a studio out here in such a hostile environment anyway? Penguin or not, this heat can't be good. I wonder if the creature of this planet would freeze on the Moon...Wanting to get out of this singeing heat as fast as possible, I waste no time heading to the vehicle that I despise more than cyclists on the city roads...they really have to make designated lanes for those soon, or I won't be held accountable for my actions. “Conductor, are you there!” I yell, waiting for the inevitable hostile yell back...but it never came. No 'Go away, ye stupid peck neck!', no 'Piss off, Grooves!', nothing, just silence.

“Maybe he isn't here, he could be in his office.” The theory of my young star was quickly disproved when steam comes from the sides of the train as if the old steam locomotive was about to start moving, and sure enough, the heavy wheels of the pride and joy of my rival begin moving. For a moment I just stand there, beak agape, until I make a decision. I grab my diva's hand and head toward the caboose, we could jump on as long as the train doesn't gain too much speed.

Very mature, Conductor, just leave the station and run away like a child who did something that would anger their parents instead of facing either me or the little darling. So much for being a tough guy, nothing but a despicable coward! I'm getting steam all over my clothes, but I'm doing it for the young star, not for irredeemable egomaniac!

We barely leap onto the train in time, just before it gets enough speed to just leave us in the dust. “Whoa, that was close! Why did he want to leave us behind like that? We just want to talk with him.” The hatted darling laments, I can see that she wants to help, but knowing that owl, he tried to escape just so he doesn't have to explain himself.

I'm starting to wonder just how bad whatever happened to the Conductor really was, if he went to such lengths to get away. In hindsight, it would have been smarter to have my little actress call out to him instead. I should be happy that he's so out of it, yet this whole situation is so bizarre.

We make our way from the back of the train to the front where we likely find either a triumphant Conductor, who's going to laugh at me for falling for this rather sick prank, or a really distressed Conductor. I'm still a bit unsure which, but he normally isn't the type for such elaborate pranks, he lacks the intelligence to come up with something like this. The interior of the train always makes my eyes hurt, it feels like most if is as old as the owner of it himself. Something one would find in an old country club from the 19th century, ancient, dusty, dull and worn, I should sue him and demand personal injury compensation for the eye strain this is causing me. The hatted darling soldiers on, undaunted by the antiquated furniture that tortures me by merely existing much like my rival does.

The moment we arrive at the front door, the young girl wastes no time and knocks on the door daintily. “Conductor, are you okay? Can you open the door please.” I swear I heard a small gasp at the question. “I just want to help” I make a decision after seeing that the young girl next to me started to cry from worry. I know it is rude, but I consider barging into the room payback for all the times he did this to me, and I called him out on it several times too, yet he never payed it any mind.

I push the door open, still half expecting him to either laugh in my face or push me out immediately in his standard hostile fashion, but when I enter, I don't see the Conductor at all. He couldn't have left, could he? I heard him in here just before. All I see now though are the controls of the train and his chair near the panel with the gazillion buttons that no one but him had any idea what they do. “Are you in here, Conductor?” I call out, once again not really receiving an answer. I carefully step into the room, making sure that he won't catch me of guard, maybe it's a bit paranoid, but I'm not taking any chances with that old coot. When I do find him, I can fully understand why the hatted darling reacted the way she did, that Conductor was a shadow of himself. He sits huddled together in the little area right under the control panel, shaking a bit still. The moment he sees me, his already lowered head feathers lower even more and I swear that flinched slightly.

How pathetic and small he is now, not so confident and condescending now, are we? It serves you right, Conductor! Whatever happened finally put you down a peg and I can't say that I disapprove. Maybe now you finally know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of suffering.

The kid elbows me and I realize that I was smiling before, an inappropriate reaction for sure, however she doesn't understand just how many times this owl forced me to feel the exact same way! I deserved the satisfaction of seeing him forlorn and pained for once. I sigh. She was right, I had to at least try to be the bigger person here, for the little darling's sake.

“What are you doing down there, Conductor?” I nearly expected the following action of my rival, turning away instead of facing me, only making himself smaller to fit even deeper into the small crevice. Nearly instinctively, I reach my arm out to touch the owl's shoulder to get him to react, but he slaps it away in a swift and violent motion of his wing, the first action today that was in character for the yellow eyesore.

Be like that then! If you want to behave like a little chick and sulk, be my guest. I have done what I could! There's no way to talk to the owl if he's in his stubborn mood, moving the whole studio by hand would be easier.

“Can you at least tell me that you're okay now?” The girl next to me asked the yellow-feathered bird who took a deep breath, but didn't reply. This was getting rather ridiculous, he is a grown bird, he should act like one!

“Conductor, at least answer the question. The little darling did help you out after all.” It's faint, but I can finally hear something that sounded like quiet muttering. I had to strain my ears to hear the choked up whisper, but it sounded like 'Did you tell anyone?' I turn to my little diva with one eyebrow raised and she answered the question that I asked non-verbally.

“No, I didn't tell anyone about what happened except for DJ Grooves here.” The most exasperated and anguished groan escapes the jagged beak of the pile of misery under the panel, it was almost a wail. The hatted darling cringed slightly, maybe realizing that telling your friend's rival that he had a mental breakdown wasn't the smartest move.

I sigh loudly. “Look, Conductor. I'm not here to make fun of you.-” Although I kind of want to deep down. “-Now get out from under there and tell us what happened?” I bend down to check on the owl, who gives me a scrutinizing glare, likely trying to gauge if I was speaking the truth.

“Fine, ye both ain't gonna leave till I tell ye anyway, are ye?” Wow...if his voice sounded awful normally, now it sounded dreadful, he must have been crying. I make some space for the old owl to exit his little hiding space and the moment that I see him in a brighter environment, I'm taken aback by how messy he looks. His hat is scrunched up badly, and his feathers are a mess, even his normally so prim and proper suit is wrinkled and has wet sleeves.

The little darling wasn't lying when she told me that the Conductor panicked and looked troubled. I don't think I've ever seen him this disheveled, not even when drunk. By the stars...even I feel a twinge of sympathy.

“I'll tell ye what happened...-” I nearly flinch when he goes from looking at the ground like he just got told that he lost a beloved family member to looking me straight in the eyes...if he could actually reach my eye or if he had any to begin with...I now him for god knows how long, but to this day I have no clue if even has eyes. “If ye DARE tell anyone else, I'll rip out yer eyeballs and shove them down yer throat.” The threat would have had more weight to it if his voice hadn't broken half way through it.

“Alright, I promise.” I may not care too much about the state he's in right now, even if it was pretty awful, but it might help ease the girls worries. I sit down on a chair that the little darling provided, she must have sprinted to the cart behind us to get some. I fold my flippers and legs, looking at the my little star briefly before I turn my attention back to the yellow bird.

“This is gonna be a long one, ye better strap in. If either of ye laugh, I'll through ye off me train, ye got it? Good.”

-

“It was bright and sunny, cloudless day in the small town near the desert that I lived in. As always, I was bored out of my wee mind listening to crap about math or physics or suchlike. Total nonsense and nothing I deemed worth me time, so instead I was doodlin' in me textbook. I couldae wait fer the bell ta release me from that boring punishment. When it did, I and the rest of me class rushed outside ta get away from that hellhole as fast as possible.”

“That might explain why you're so bad at spelling.” Hat Kid mumbled and I glare at the little lass then at the DJ that was snickering form her comment.

“Moving on, as I hurried out, one of the peck necks in me class grabbed me backpack and pulled me back and another one o' 'em grabbed me sketchbook where I kept me ideas fer me movies and concepts...and drawings of me pa's train.”

“They bullied you?” The young lassie looked both shocked and saddened.

“Aye, lass, it's just how it is then yer greatness cannae be recognized by the people around ye. Ye get ostracized and shoved 'round like yer unfastened and unclaimed luggage in a train when it goes around a bent.

“Are you sure you weren't pushed around because of your appearance and your height, darling.” If I had the strength to argue in that moment I would have done more than simply snarl at that cruel comment.

“If yer done interruptin' when let me continue the tragic tale that crippled the greatest director known ta bird fer his whole life. Of course I turned around to fight the bastard that did this to me, but being...uh...vertically challenged, I had trouble to get a good hit in and instead got shoved ta the ground. They ran away with me sketchbook, out inta the sweltering sun, taunting me, saying things like: “Come and get it back, shorty! You're never gonna get it back, ground dweller!”

“You couldn't fly, darling? I thought that other birds learned that from a young age.”

“It just didnae come natural to me, okay! I would have been a late-bloomer!...If that incident hadn't ruined any chances of me ever bein' able to fly.”

“What happened, Conductor?”

“I'd be able ta tell ye if ye both would quit interruptin' me very two sentences! I'm tellin' ye something traumatic that happened ta me, show some respect! This is nae easy!” I cross me wings, feeling slightly discouraged by the rude comments from the DJ who seems ta have fun tauntin' me. Why did the lassie take him here?! Of all the people she could have brought here, it just had to be that stupid DJ Peck Neck!

“I ran after them, of course! Chased them all the way up the steep and towering canyon near me home town. The thing was massive, I tell ye, had jagged sharp rocks and the highest point was easily a 50 meter (164 feet) drop, nothin' ta even say about the animal out fer yer blood in its crevices and cracks. Tarantulas and scorpions were hidin there, just waitin' for unsuspecting folk ta claim as victims with their poison!”

The lassie started to shiver slightly and me rival put his dirty flipper on her shoulder. Sure, try to get plus points by calming her down...No one ever calmed ME down as a lad when I was scared, always had to fight me own battles!

“I know that you have a tendency to be dramatic, darling, but please, just stay on the topic, you're scaring the little star.” The lass forced a smile, still listening.

“It's okay, I can handle it. Are there really so many dangerous creatures on this planet? Then again...you guys have tried to kill me already and there's Snatcher and Vanessa...I don't thing anything could ever be scarier than Queen Vanessa.” The girl shivered for a brief moment, both me and the DJ exchanged glances, even through his shades I could tell that he had no idea who that Queen Vanessa character was...unfortunately we both knew too well how scary that purple pool noodle was...Making me fight the lassie was simply despicable.

Before we get further away from the topic, I continue. “So, I had to make the perilous climb to chase after the evil peck necks that took me sketchbook. Unlike the unskilled birds that could fly, I had to climb me way up the canyon, claw me way to the top like a determined mountain climber, just that I didnae even have safety gear. Had I fallen, I would have broken me bones, but I really needed me sketchbook back! Bit by bit I made me way to the top and then it happened, one of the rocks that I tried to reach fer broke off and I nearly fell!”

The girlie was on the edge of her seat, clearly I hadn't lost me touch in story tellin'! It brought a smile ta me face, even if I still felt horrible. I had a massive headache and I felt more sluggish when the day after I failed a stunt and fell on me back. I donae even wish this on the peck neck that sits across from me, even if he deserves it, especially after he rolled his eyes in a dismissive fashion! Dumb peck neck!

Always one for drama, trying to sound like he's a badass like he is in one of his movies. Can he not tell a story like a normal person? I swear, listening to this is painful...I would have left if it wasn't for the little darling.

“Thankfully, I managed to catch myself by finding me footing again. They taunted me the whole time, tearing out pages of me sketchbook, scatterin' them in the wind, laughing those stupid condescending laughter like a bunch o' hyenas. And the worst thing was that revolting, asinine, infuriating singsong crap they said. ''Connor is a coward, can't even fly, Connor is a coward, if he drops he'll go bye bye. Even a penguin could fly better than him, much to his chagrin.' How I hate hearin' that,even thinking about it now makes me blood boil!” I cannae help but clench me hands into fist and I notice me head-feathers twitch again.

“Who were these people that were bullying you?” The kid asked, looking a bit less tense now, but also distraught after hearin' what the group did ta me ol' sketchbook.

“It was Joe and his stupid group o' numb-skulls. That boy always thought he was sooo great, callin' himself a cowboy kid because his father owned an old revolver with nae a bullet that he had taken fer himself. He was popular due to bein' 'brave' and 'strong', pah! That idiot would've peed himself if he were in me situation at the time! An absolutely borderline brain dead idiot, if ye ask me!”

Me rival sighs, but seems a bit less hostile now. “Seems like we unfortunately have something in common then. Some people are just needlessly cruel, much like you.”

“Hate ye too, peck neck.” I glare back at him. “Anyway, I made it to the top and was about ready to rip these guys a new one at that point, so...me anger kinda got the better of me. I charged at them with a guttural roar of rage and...I heroically punched and kicked the guys as best I could, but I was only one wee lad.”

“...You got your ass kicked.” I growl at the penguin.

“Would ye shut yer trap if ye ain't got nothing nice ta say! I fought as best I could! But...aye...I got me tail feathers handed ta me.”

“You got beat up! Did they apologize?” The poor lassie innocent and sweet lassie...I can only hope that she won't turn inta a cynical adult once she learns how harsh this world can be.

“Nae...nae they didnae. It got worse lassie, way worse.”

Now we were getting ta the painful part, the reason why I was so afraid of heights. I can still recall it crystal clear, the hot sun as it beat down on me head, the slight breeze atop the canyon, the sharp and deadly rocks that would skewer me, break me bones and impale me...I can feel me heart race just thinking back on that image alone.

“Are you done with your elaborate and dramatic retelling? Are you finally getting to the part that explains why you freaked out in front of the little darling?” I solemnly nod, going quiet.

An once again I'm taken aback by how quiet and distressed my normally so confident and unfazed rival looks. For him to just quiet down from one second to the next, even his posture changed from annoyed at my comment and the question of my little star, to deeply upset within a few seconds. It was like the wind was taken out of his sails.

“.....I...They pulled me up by me backpack...pushin' me to the very edge of the canyon...Joe and his second in command pushed me till only the straps of me backpack were holding me as they held my backpack, making me nearly fall..I was danglin' trying ta move away, but I was leaning so far forward that all I could see was the precipice...and the s-sharp rocks a-at the bottom.” I could feel the fear return as I tried hard to not have the image burn inta me mind yet again. I feel something warm and it takes me a second to realize that it was the lassie that tries to comfort me.

“That...that's awful, darling. Did they pull you back?”

My question only made the yellow owl flinch, and for the first time today, or maybe ever, I felt guilty that I distressed the Conductor more. His feathers all lowered and he looked like he was going to start crying again. I really messed up now! As awful as that menace can be, even he doesn't deserve to be tortured like that.

I turn away abit, tryin' ta hide the tears that were forming in me eyes again. Be a tough lad, donnae show weakness! STOP BEING A WEE BABY, CONNOR! Just soldier through like always! “T-The straps...they snapped...I-I f-fell...All I could see were s-sharp r-rocks and... and they got b-b-bigger and b-bigger...I-I felt sharp pain e.everywhere. I t-thought that that was it, t-that I'd meet me maker.” I reach fer me left wing, feeling the sharp pain as I did it that day, even thought it wasn't injured..

“I...I'm sorry, Conductor...I had no idea it was that bad...I shouldn't have been so tactless...” It was nice ta here that flashy penguin apologize fer his mistakes fer once.

“I'm sorry that happened to you, Conductor. I shouldn't have asked you to climb up that walkway. I'm a bad person.” I jolt at the blatant drivel that the lassie said.

“Nae, ye ain't! It was me own pride that I couldnae jump o'er! If I had just told ye, I could have avoid all this...I'm sorry I scared ye, lassie.” I hug the young lass tight to me.

“Is that why you...why you can't fly, darling?” I could feel that he was trying to be sympathetic and likely was just curious.

“Aye...I fell ten meters down inta the sharp rocks...I must have passed out as the next thin' I recall was wakin' up in the hospital. The lads at least had enough common sense ta run to the hospital and tell them what had happened. The doctor told me that me left wing got fractured so bad that it wouldnae heal fully and it never did. I can lift it, but I cannae carry more than 20 pounds with it. It aches on some days, usually when the weather changes.” I sigh and cross me wings. “So, there ya have it, that's the reason fer me breakdown, that incident made me afraid o' heights. Every time I'm somewhere that is even remotely high, I feel uneasy. Even standin' on the roof of me beloved Owl Express is a challenge. Ye happy now, now ye know a weakness o' mine that ye can use against me, now ye can torture the livin' daylights outta me.” I expect to hear that boisterous annoying laughter that I had heard so many times when something unfortunate happened ta me. What I didn't expect was for him to lift his glasses briefly to rub his eyes.

“You really think me to be the cruelest and most despicable person on the whole moon and planet, don't you, Conductor?”

“Ye ain't?” I smirk and catch him scoff.

“Oh no, darling, that award goes to you for sure.” I growl and my rival glares at me. Feeling the tension, the young lassie sighs with exasperation.

“Can you two get along for a few minutes at least?” She pouted a little even crossing her arms.

Near simultaneously, two resounding “No!” can be heard.

[milfsco]

went and typed out a whole work rant but remembered that i’m supposed to cool and sexc and mysterious on this blog

[redhawtriot]

Valentines 💕Weekend 💕(BNHA x Reader)

Part 1: TYPE

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I was just thinking about this as I was pumping out the matchups and I really wanted to jot them down lol 

This is just the first things that came to mind when I thought of what people they probably would gravitate towards during Valentines Day! 

Comment whose type you are! I am curious lol

HnM💕

🐒Ojirou: Deep Thinker

I can see him with someone who is really sweet and considerate.

If you say, “remember when…” and then continue to bring up a fond memory between the two of you, he would probably like that a lot. You remembered!

I feel like the poor guy just wants to make a bigger impact.

Their s/o would be the type to remind them of their worth a lot

He would really appreciate a person that would try really hard to get to know him on a different level,

“Would you rather eat 50 tiny spiders or a one big fat juicy tarantula?” He would just look at you with so much confusion but so much LOVE bc Like wtf who asks that?? but he would simultaneously get hit in the feels because you are taking time out of your day to get to know little ol him.

If you’re the type that isn’t very doting, then you’re probably not the best for him.

🎤Jirou: I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Wants someone independent, but also who doesn’t have a problem on depending on her.

Like do your thing and live your life, but if she sees you struggling and wants to help you, don’t you fucking dare turn her down.

She would most definitely love it if you were a musician, however If you are not but are interested in music, I could see the two of you having dates with each other where she would teach you how to play guitar.

She needs someone who isn’t too sexual. I feel like she would get annoyed with someone who wanted to have sex every day.

She would much rather spend her time just chilling out with you—existing within each other’s spaces.

If you’re the type that needs constant attention from your s/o when you’re with them, then she prolly isn’t for you.

🥦Midoriya: “I ain’t got no Type”

He is literally a walking, talking puppy dog. He would pretty much like anyone who has well-meaning motives and admirable goals.

You’re loud? Okay you must just be passionate.

You’re quiet? Okay you’re prolly just very pensive

I feel like he is the type that can fall in love with multiple types of people, but they would all have to be the kind of person that makes the first move because woo, chile… he is a nervous wreck. He would probably have an aneurysm in the midst of trying to ask you out, so just take the pressure off of the poor cinnamon roll and do it yourself.

If you’re not the type that likes chasing and would rather be chased, he isn’t for you.

Also get ready to talk about your problems because he is a Cancer and most definitely is willing to deal with emotions.

🐸Tsuyu: Logical

She would certainly like someone who is calm. Bakugou gets on her fucking nerves I can just tell lol.

You can have passion and determination for sure, but she would rather be with someone who carries those attributes quietly, with purpose, rather than boastful.

Like with Jirou, she would probably need someone who would just be okay with existing around each other.

You gotta be okay with her blunt nature.

If you are very sensitive to how people word things to you, and would rather have someone sugarcoat, then she ain’t the one for you, dawg.

💥Bakugou: Ballsy/Not a waste of space

You would have to be persistent as hell to wear down his walls, but not too overbearing or needy. Little things you would do here and there would add up

You would have to solidify yourself as an equal to him as well.

He probably would get annoyed as fuck if you were shy or timid or anything else that he would associate with weakness.

You would have be a person who has their shit together enough to have drive. You gotta have goals in mind and actually be working toward them. He don’t want no scrubs.

I think he would be the type of person to be protective over you, but that certainly doesn’t mean he wants a damsel in distress. You have to be able to hold your own, academically, physically and all.

(Literally just Kirishima whoops)

If you are the type of person who cant speak their mind and is overall nervous or timid you ain’t the one for him.

🏃🏻 Iida: Horse Girl/Guy

He would want someone who is on the same wavelength as him (Lets keep in mind that the wavelength is very hard to come by so he would eventually change his expectations)

He would love if his s/o was as driven as him and held very strong morals.

If you are the kind of person that works out everyday and has a strict diet or color codes your notes and make your own yearly planner or get on Pinterest for room ideas and have a bulletin board in your room with your schedule HAVE I GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU.

I also feel like he would like horse girls/guys (horse people???) for some reason…

If you’re unnecessarily brash or overconfident or rude you are not the one for him.

😷Shoji: Plain Jane

He probably would want someone who isn’t very chatty, however if you talk a lot, that isn’t a total turn off. He would just want every conversation to have a deeper meaning behind it.

He is also a minimalist so if you are the kind of person who hoards things, you might have to change your lifestyle a bit to be with him.

If you ask questions like, “what is your plan for the zombie apocalypse,” he would certainly entertain this idea and go along with it, trying his best to give you a full, thoughtful answer, but don’t try to make meaningless small talk with him

Also be okay with just existing with each other rather than going out on dates.

If you are extravagant and extra tm then he aint the one for you chief.

😈Tokoyami: Edge Lord

You have to be the kind of person that is okay with his self-deprecation.

You two would make very dark jokes together probably.

If you have ever threatened to gouge your own eyes out or jump off a McDonalds sign to your death Im lookin at you.

Obviously its all jokes—a release to your perpetual state of existentialism.

You would also have to be the person that makes the first move. He would probably get a hint and close the space in between the two of you unlike Midoriya but he would most definitely still need you to make the first move.

He would love it if the two of you could just existent near one another, but would also be understanding if you needed more attention. He would find a happy medium by reading some poetry books aloud to you while you're cuddled up.

👀 Koda: A Soft Boss

You would have to be patient—he has a lot of reservations over pretty much everything.

So he needs someone to be more in charge in the relationship to pull him out of his comfort zone a little.

You have to be okay with being the one in the relationship to kill all of the house spiders (actually probably not kill—more like catch and release)

👣Hagakure: Preppy

You would have to be on pretty much the same vibe as her—energetic, upbeat and unafraid to speak your mind.

She likes people who are overall positive (girl, honestly, idk what else to put for her ass)

🦈Kirishima: One of the Dudes

Manly

You would have to make it very obvious that you were into him. He has a lot of things going on in the little brain of his, so a crush would probably fly over his head. He would just think that he admires you because you're so awesome.

The fact that he wants to hold you would translate into “I wanna arm wrestle them”

The fact that he wants to take you out on dates would turn into, “I want to hang out with my bro.”

You would practically have to scream at him that you wanted him to be more than friends. The friend zone is pretty much an inescapable abyss with this one, so you would have to try extra hard.

If you are the type of person that can sit through hours of action movies and still get pumped during the twelfth high speed chase scene, this might just be your mans.

If you don’t mind him being completely ignorant to your romantic needs at times and you basically just being best friends in your relationship then this might be the man for you.

If you have a habit of lying or a vindictive nature then he isn’t the one for you.

❄️🔥Todoroki: A Therapist

I could see him being with multiple different personalities since he is overall confused with human interaction. I feel like he would be willing to get to know anyone.

You gotta be patient with him though since he takes everything so literal (If you live off sarcasm then it will be super difficult for you)

He would like someone who is very understanding

A good listener, but also can give good feedback.

If you're the kind of person that gets uncomfortable with oversharing or can’t handle when people come to you with their problems all the time he ain’t the one for you.

🎹Yaoyorozu: Cheer-leading Captain

Someone to hype her up, but also lead.

She would certainly certainly be attracted to someone that is of a type A personality. She admires people who are driven and successful, so as long as she sees that you are putting in effort and have a strong sense of determination you're good!

This girl doubts herself so much, so you have to be willing to spend your time hyping her up.

Be willing to try 50 different types of tea.

She would certainly want to go out on dates all of the time, so if you are more of a home body she aint the one.

⚡️Kaminari: Mean Girl/guy

Literally anyone who will give him the time of day, but this boy loves a challenge.

If you are the standoffish, sarcastic, vindictive type then this might be your mans.

He loves rough banter and would totally be the type to pick on you just to see your adorable angry face. He thinks that it ‘spices things up’.

Probably into the more sensual typee of person as well (if you consider yourself a man-eater he would literally fall in love so quickly so be gentle okay? Don’t hurt our pikachu)

I feel like he’s the type of person that would ask you to “Yaaas! Please stomp on my face, kween”

Bonus points if your last name ends in an ‘o’ sound (shinsou, bakugou, jirou, ashido)

He is the type to want to show you off to everyone so if you’re the bashful or timid type then he might not be the one for you.

Mineta: Ew

Moving on… Nothing to see here folks.

🐷Ashido: Two halfs of a Whole Idiot

 Needs someone who will hype her up.

You would certainly have to be the one to sweep her off of her feet because I feel like she is so friendly that she just might accidentally friend-zone you without even knowing it.

If you quote vine/tiktoc daily then I am looking at you.

You would probably also live on social media so I could see the two of you being that cute couple on YouTube or Instagram that does silly/sweet things with one another. 

If you have a problem with a very loud, obvious relationship then she prolly isn't the one for you. 

😴Shinsou: The Mom Friend

He probably wouldn't enjoy someone who was constantly in his face (although if he did end up with someone like this it would be hella slow-burn-- an acquired taste if you will)

He would probably gravitate toward someone who calmly checks up on him and who he could lean on to give him motivational speeches. 

This boy is low-key emotional and has low self esteem, so if you are good at reaching through to him then he would certainly fall for you. 

I think that he would be the type to eventually become very affectionate and want to take you out on hella dates to (passively) show you off to the world.

If you are hyperactive and loud that might make him close himself off before you can break his emotional wall, so he might not be the one for you.

✨Aoyama: Ego Booster/Ballerina

someone who will believe in him and compliment him (or even just acknowledge his existence actually)

I could totally see him dating a ballerina, because he would be so enamored by their majesty. 

Like he finally found someone as magnifique as him, wow. 

You would have to be the type of person that is okay with very forward advances. 

Like get prepared for “will you go out with me?” spelled in cheese by your front door. 

If you cant handle people who chase this hard, then he might not be the one for you. 

🎞Sero: Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

He is idiot sexual and no one can change my mind

If you find yourself searching your kitchen every five minutes to check if there is new food, walking into a room of your friends to annoy them for five minutes before leaving, or have a album in your phone with over 1,000 reaction pics, I am lookin at youuuuu!

He would most definitely be the person to chase, but he would do it very carefully to test the waters.

He wouldn't chase too hard, so if his advancements would go over your head the first time you're in trouble!

☁️Uraraka: Girl/Boy Next Door

She would fall for a sweet guy/girl. 

they would have to be an overall, kind spirit, but still have great goals.

If you're the type of person that can goes “Oh look at the moon!” and then ends up talking about a random topic like Bigfoot or aliens while looking at the stars, I could see her falling for you.

More than anything I feel like she admires driven people, so if you have shaky or unsure morals or goals, she probably isnt the one for you.

[moonprincess92]

Congrats on the follower count! How about rebelcaptain + one is on a blind date that's not going well and the other is the waiter. Bonus points if Jyn is the waitress!

Ok so I have to apologise profusely anon, because Iattempted to write this prompt in like 3 different ways and absolutely none ofit worked. I TRIED I REALLY DID AND IM SO SORRY, but since it wasn’t working I wrote you something else instead and it’s literally completely different but I hope you’ll still like it anyway. x

Please enjoy this ‘you accidentally sent me a booty text butI’m considering saying yes anyway’ au 

His phone buzzed just as he was stumbling in through his frontdoor with his arms full of groceries. Refusing to make the trip up the stairstwice, he was laden down with probably more than he should have carried at once andcursed when he started losing grip on his jacket under his armpit. Kicking thedoor shut behind him, he couldn’t check the message until he had dumped all thebags onto his kitchen counter in relief. The little messenger icon was afamiliar face so he tapped it absently as he started unpacking a bag –

– and promptly choked.

Usually if Jyn messaged him this late at night, it was because shehad found yet another thing to criticise from his latest essay. She apparentlydid all her best reading after 10pm because god forbid he ever get grilled at adecent hour, but he liked their conversations all the same. Used to theirchatting being based about their classes or occasionally straying into memesand their favourite tv shows, he was now quite literally rendered speechless atthe photo he had apparently just been sent. 

Though her face wasn’t visible he had nodoubt it was Jyn just from the sheer muscle definition that he could sure ashell see because the only times he’d ever seen her this de-clothed before was whenthey’d occasionally hit up the gym together. She was almost naked in the mirror selfie she’d sent, her arms toned, her abs rock hard… fuck. It sent everything south and he didn’t know what the hell sound just came out of his mouth, but it miiiiight’ve been a whimper. The bra she wore in the selfie waswhite and lacy and the accompanying caption read:

this bra was too nice to not share

He… well, quite honestly, he stared for so long he thought hemight just be having a brain aneurysm. She had to be joking, right? Sure, this wasnothing like Jyn’s sense of humour, but it literally HAD to be a joke becauseit didn’t make sense if it wasn’t. The message felt like she had sent it (thesevere lack of punctuation kind of gave her away) but it was so far out of leftfield that he was almost certain it hadn’t been meant for him. No, some otherlucky bastard out there was supposed to be on the receiving end of thismessage, because he and Jyn weren’t like that, and who cared if maybe he kindof wanted to be likethat, because they weren’t and they couldn’t –

Zmmm.

Another message popped up. This time, it appeared that Jyn waskeyboard bashing.

Akjdskjdfjfdjdf FUCK Im so sorrycassian shit pls ignore this PLS

It didn’t help calm his racing heart at all.

He knew he had frozen foods slowly defrosting away in his grocerybags still, but they seemed like a minor detail in comparison to the battlewracking his mind. Quite honestly… he’d been on the verge of throwing allcaution to the wind and playing along. Maybe sending something a littlesuggestive back. It wasn’t an outright booty text, but it definitely wasn’tinnocent either and perhaps it was the way to start, a way to just flirt alittle, what could go wrong… but then he got that answer and he pressed hisforehead to his kitchen counter with a frustrated sigh. 

On the days he wasn’tkidding himself, he knew that he was an absolute fucking goner for Jyn Erso.She was prickly and defensive and didn’t let any minor grammatical error pasther, but once she got used to you she was hilarious to be around and her smileliterally made his heart stop these days. Sometimes, on the nights they wouldstudy together late at the library, she would linger as he packed his booksaway and he got the feeling that hopefully, MAYBE, she was a goner too.

But then she said things like that and he would squash it alldown.

Another message. He lifted his head gingerly to read it.

God cassian SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT I need to know that I haven’tjust ruined our entire friendship lmao

He stared at her words, grappling hard until eventually, hefigured fuck it.

Friendship’s overrated. I was going to say it definitely looked nice.

He hit send before he could lose his nerve and wondered if it wasa little overdramatic to turn his entire phone off for good measure. He heldhimself back from adding on ‘just kidding’ and instead, forced himself to startputting away his groceries.

Another buzz made him drop the bag of frozen vegetables.

well, good. I wouldnt wanna waste a good selfie.

Cassian bit his tongue and typed back.

Honestly selfie game is 10/10. How’d you even get that angle?

I might’ve stood on somethin to make me tall enough. also might’venearly killed myself in the process 

Ah the price we pay for a good selfie…

Gotta get these boobs lookin good somehow

They’ve been doing just fine before now, tbh 

Fuck. That might’ve been a bit much. He grimaced, distractinghimself with his shopping for the next thirty seconds and initially ignoringthe subsequent message that eventually buzzed through. Finally, though, sheer nerves took over and he pulled up the conversation once again.

Cassian Andor, are you flirting with me?

You sent me a pic of your boobs, Jyn. He felt the need to stress this point. This was on her, shestarted this! 

Touché. So wanna come over, then?

BOOM. He was dead! His head had exploded and he was definitely,100% very, very deceased. 

Do you……mean that in the way I think you mean that?

HEY. I worked hard at that selfie. If I have to go through thehumiliation of accidentally sending it to my study partner, then the least theuniverse could do is also throw some sex in there for meBut um… hey if u want to say no, its chill. Idc its totallyfine no hard feelings

Cassian thought about it for about ten seconds. Then –

I can be there in ten

It was just as he was rushing to throw whatever the hell was leftin his grocery bags into the fridge – honestly, he literally didn’t give a shithow it was organised at this point – when he got another photo. He rubbed hiseyes, groaning a little at the image of Jyn’s body, slightly zoomed out now. Her entire torso and upper legs could be seen and that was how he figured out that her underwear matched thebra.

Hurry up, mate she added. 

If you stop sending me shit like THAT I might Jesus lord