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mykoreanlove · 1 year

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Can I see you tonight?

“You are doing WHAT? Y/N, are you out of your fucking mind?”

The slightly annoyed voice shouting at you through your phone was no other than your best friend. “You cried so much because of that man-whore and now you’re going to his place? What is wrong with you?”

Fair enough, you had asked yourself that as well. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. What’s your motive?”

You sighed in defeat. “See, I thought about that, too. It’s true, JB hurt me badly. And I should be over him and all but I’m not. I am still thinking about him, wishing that it would be different. I… I miss him. And I haven’t heard from him in so long, I just.. I just want to know what he’s got to say to me. Can’t you understand that?”

Your friend sighed in annoyance. “What are you wearing?”

That question caught you by surprise. “Huh?”

“Y/N, don’t play dumb with me. What are you wearing?”

You looked down at yourself and started describing your outfit. Black sports leggings, red hoodie and leather boots. “Oh, you mean the sports leggings that accentuates your bubble butt? And the red hoodie that makes your eyes pop? And not to forget the leather boots that look sexy as fuck on you?”

You gulped, not saying a word. “What are you wearing underneath?”

It was pointless to lie, so you told her the truth. “Red lacy thong..”, you mumbled. “And?” You rolled your eyes, thankful that she couldn’t see it. “No bra.”

“Y/N, I swear to god. You are going over there because you want him to fuck you! Seriously? That bastard behaved like he fell for you only to ghost you and you’re thinking of fucking his dick?”

Hearing her talk like that made your stomach turn. She wasn’t all wrong but she wasn’t all right either. Did you put a lot of thought into your outfit? Of course you did. When Jaebeom ditched you it hurt like hell, so naturally you wanted payback. Getting dolled up, showing off your goodies to tease him – anything really that would make him regret dumping you.

You thought of all possible scenarios in your head. Would he apologize and confess his love to you? Would he fuck you and make you leave? Would he apologize and introduce a new girlfriend to you? Would he even be at home or was this all a prank? Endless possibilities roamed your head until you decided to stop thinking. The last thing you needed was a headache.

“Listen, I know you worry about me and I appreciate that. I am curious what he has got to say to me. And if he isn’t saying anything at all, I can at least ask why he ended things the way he did. Anything after that? Total uncertainty. Maybe I’ll see him and be turned off by him. Maybe I understand his ways and feel empathy for him. Maybe I decide I am done with him and leave. Or maybe I’ll use him just like he used me… It’s been a while and a girl got needs. Is that noble? No. But the world is complex, it’s not black and white. Especially not with JB. At least, I want to be prepared.”

You hung up as you arrived at his place. You scanned the bell for his name, taking a deep breath before pushing it. “Jaebeom, please don’t make me regret this.”

His apartment was on the third floor. You took each step nervously, not knowing what to expect from him. You were wondering if his heart was racing as fast as yours. When you made it to his floor you noticed his door being open ajar, him being nowhere in sight though. You collected yourself one last time before grabbing the handle and entering.

“JB?”

He was rushing to the front door, cheeks slightly red because he didn’t make it on time. “Y/N! I’m so happy to see you. Come on in!”

You took a good look at him. He was dressed casually – black joggers and a white shirt that accentuated his defined body. His hair was longer though, falling into his beautiful features effortlessly. He still had the same aura about him. He was confident in a silent, down to earth way. “Fuck”, you muttered under your breath. Hating him just got a lot harder.

“Did you eat? I cooked for us.” He beamed you a sly smile and ushered you into the kitchen. It smelled heavenly and you started to relax for the first time. You were too nervous to eat before, so you welcomed the pleasant smell of your favorite dish. “I made you tteokbokki. It’s your favorite, right?”

You thought back to the first time you had tteokbokki with him. It felt like ages ago, even though it only had been months. You were sitting on his couch eating, trying your best not to go up in flames as it was way too spicy for you. JB looked at you concerned. “Is it good?” You took a deep breath, nodding. “Yes, but it’s so fucking spicy!” He sprinted over to you immediately. “Oh, let me extinguish the heat then.” And with that he kissed you – sweetly and innocently.

You got pulled out of your memories as he handed you a plate. “Come on, let’s eat.” You barely touched your food – not because it was too spicy but because you were too nervous to eat. Up ‘til now you only talked about irrelevant things – what you had been up to, work, your family, plans for the remaining year. Jaebeom barely looked at you which you took as a sign of his nervousness. Why was he nervous though? You were the one that got rejected.

He got up and put on some music, dimming the lights to change the mood. Your stomach churned again, you had never been this nervous with him. He sat next to you on the black couch and just watched you.

“What?”

“Sorry, I, I thought this would be easier but it’s not.. It’s hard for me actually.”

You were confused. “What is?”

He grinned embarrassed. “Seeing you again. I know I fucked up and I wanted to talk about it but now that I’m actually seeing you it’s so hard.” He gulped nervously.

A ping of relief washed over you. He wanted to apologize, that was good! But you wouldn’t go easy on him, you wanted to see him suffer. You turned around and faced him directly, your doe eyes looking at him innocently while you were licking your lips seductively.

“Go on. You can do it, JB.”

He laughed. God, you missed his voice so much. The deep, honeylike voice that whispered the sweetest and naughtiest things into your ear.

“I wish I could find the right words and give you a proper explanation, Y/N. But I wasn’t in the right mind back then. I felt so lost.”

He took a halt and waited. That was not enough, no. You wanted more, you wanted a proper explanation from him. Maybe you needed to help him start?

You stood up and re-positioned yourself – on his lap facing him intimately. Jaebeom’s eyes widened in shock. His hands travelled to your sides automatically, squeezing your hips and ass. You caressed his face, tucking the lose strands of hair behind his ear.

“I am listening, Jaebeom.”

You felt him getting hard underneath you, grinning vigorously. He was holding back so much and you knew.

“I had been single for a short while when we met. And I wanted to keep it that way. You know, have some fun and move on. And it worked perfectly with all the girls before you but you y/n, you were different.”

You saw the pain in his eyes and felt good. It was petty but you were hurt and now you wanted him to suffer, too. You placed sweet little kisses along his jawline, whispering. “Different how?”

Jaebeom sighed heavily, trying to control himself.

“You were one of a kind. You still are.”

You let go of his jaw and watched him carefully.

“I had never met someone like you, y/n. You are so beautiful and funny. Smart and creative. Like I could talk to you about the most stupid stuff as well as my biggest fears. I was so drawn to you, like a moth to a flame. I felt my best when I was with you. But also my… worst.”

The last part caught you by surprise. You wanted to get up and get some space between the two of you but he held you tight by your wrists.

“Listen to me, please. I felt my worst because I knew I couldn’t live up to you. I wasn’t the man you deserved to be with. I was acting like a big fuckboy, running away from my demons and facing different pussies instead of my baggage. I didn’t deserve to be with you.”

You started to tear up. Never ever had you thought of this possibility. Did you think of him leaving you because you were not good enough? Yes. Did you think of him leaving because you sucked in bed? Yes. Did you think of him leaving because you were just not what a guy wanted? You bet. But this?

His honesty caught you off guard.

„I knew that you wouldn‘t let go of me, y/n. I saw it in your eyes. So I did what I always do best: fuck up. I had to hurt you so badly, hoping that you would forget about me. Did you…?” He paused for a brief moment. “Did you forget about me?”

You held back tears as you were facing him. You hated being weak, but you couldn’t help it right now. With a very low voice you answered. “I tried to. I tried kissing someone else, I tried dating someone else but I… I always thought about you.”

You looked down at your lap, too embarrassed to face him. Jaebeom grabbed your chin with his fingers and looked at you lovingly. “Funny enough, I did the same thing. I tried to forget about you by getting with other girls but none of them did the trick. No one ever compared to you, y/n.”

You grabbed his hand that was holding your chin and squeezed it lightly. Tears started to fall from your eyes as you asked him again. “What changed? Why now?”

Jaebeom’s fingers landed on your cheeks, wiping away the salty tears you cried because of him. “I wonder how many tears you must have cried because of me, y/n. I am so sorry. I really, really am.” He looked at you sincerely, you were believing his every word. With a sigh he explained further. “I got tired of running away. I got tired of playing this game that I’m bound to loose. I want to be with you. I know I’m not perfect and I can’t change what I did but I want to be better. For you. I want to be the man you deserve to be with. If you let me, of course.”

He looked at you nervously. “Will you let me, y/n?”

You chuckled in relief, as well. “Of course, you idiot. Of course, I will.”

His eyes lit up with excitement as he realized what you had said. Not even a second after he crushed his lips onto yours, kissing you like it was the first time. You made out for a while, in desperate need for each other. He interrupted each kiss with another declaration of love.

“I will make it up to you, y/n.” Kiss. “I missed you so fucking much.” Kiss. “God, I’m such an idiot.” Kiss. “What did I do to ever deserve you?” Kiss. “Thank you.” Kiss. “Thank you for giving me another chance.” Kiss. “I won’t fuck up this time.” Kiss. “I promise”. Kiss.

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