#im just insane about the first three eps oops

[rainfallwrites]

I get goosebumps every time I remember Rafal's speech to Nowak. The boy truly placed all his trust in meaning and inspiration that brings forth said meaning.

One will think of this as madness, as we saw Nowak claim, but to the boy, it had been the first time he felt the need to act on a certain matter.

I just get filled with so many strong emotions thinking about this. Rafal grew up as a homeless orphan until he found a way to live a better life, one he was good at maintaining too. The better his life was, the more touching his sacrifice is.

"You are living a good life so why would you throw that away?"

He had finally reached an answer and felt that it served a purpose that is even bigger than his own life, moved enough to give his life for that purpose, isn't that just insane to think about?

When people grow up in poverty and then begin to live a humble and comfortable life, in most cases, they will do everything to hold on to that but he gave it up for meaning.

His life was perfect and yet, he longed for meaning. I am going to crash out bro.

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #3- “HELL NO”- Sam

The tribes were presented with an immunity challenge offering up an advantage at the cost of losing your tribe immunity.  A few people pondered taking it trying to think of excuses they could use for doing it.  After 20 hours of no one taking it the rules changed that during the last hour you could get it anonymously.  This sparked everyone's interest and almost every player intended on messaging right at 10pm to claim the advantage.  Once the Three Muskequeers alliance found out that Austin was looking to snatch it up, and them wanting to vote him out anyway, Sam decided she would tell her alliance she would claim the advantage publicly so no one else could get it.  Sam received the Sapphire Idol.  Austin was voted out unanimously.

One of these fuckups is gonna take the advantage and we're gonna go back to tribal and my idiot ass is gonna have to pick a damn side already and make at least two enemies. This is not what I want. This is not what I planned. And I just gotta say-y-y. I do not understand!

So Regan just left and I'm relieved cause I knew right from the beginning that I would have a huge target with her being here. Sucks cause it would have been nice to play a season with her but oh well. Anyways, the immunity is "Temptation" and as of now Lydia, Sam, and I are contemplating on throwing the challenge. Not gonna lie I'm extremely tempted to take it advantage for myself personally and here's why 1. I can take the advantage and our tribe can easily vote out Austin, making him the third boot for the third time in a row cause no one has a good feeling about him (ngl that'd be really funny to see happen sorry Austin) 2. I can lie and tell people the advantage was the Amulet of Abduction (obviously keeping the real advantage to myself) and tell people I'm gonna use that after this tribal just to relieve the target off of my back. Right now Lydia and Sam are saying Jessy/Matt are on the bottom so by saving one of them I can obtain allies for down the road 3. I can make the message look like I'm saying hello and getting ready for work and say "i thought i was talking in the tribe chat" and really apologize for what I did so I'll tell everyone in the tribe that I got the amulet and I'm just gonna use it next round just so that way its off my chest cause I "didn't want it in the first place" The only thing is it might look suspicious to everyone. But if I really play the message up like an error and apologize for it I might be able to get away with it. MIGHT.... this would be a really risky move to make early on in the game. However, you need to take risks in order to do well. It truly just all depends on the timing of it all, and when an opportunity to make a big move presents itself one should normally take it. This is just a late night idea though so I need to do some investigating on the "Matt/Jessy" tea before really putting my plan into effect 

Okay I know I just submitted a video but also like. With this challenge we can literally coordinate for one of us in the 5 person alliance to get the advantage so that no one from the other tribe gets it and Austin or Connor doesn't get it. I don't see anyone (including myself) stepping up to the hypothetical plate but hey, ya never know. It would also just make sense because if we go to the tribal, we as an alliance with someone holding the advantage safely could just get together to vote out Austin or Connor anyway. I might talk to Scott and/or David about it tomorrow if the stand off is still happening at that time.

Can't wait to be third boot

it took 11 days for my internet to come back where it should've only took 3 days

I'm actually mad at Regan for how little I could trust her after she made up that lie about me getting votes because she said something near the end that was probably a lie, but if it wasn't, would have badass ramifications to the game. Like it's brilliant. So when I pressed her about her "vote stealer" she changed her story completely and said it was an obsidian idol, originally from India. It's something you give to someone else and convince them to play on themselves, and if they do, they lose their vote at the tribal they play it on, or get a self-vote, or something. I don't know the exact specifics. And chances are Regan was just looking for a new lie when I seemed to be leaning on her vote stealer a little too heavily and she realized it wouldn't work, and India was fresh in her mind and also her season so she said the first thing she thought of. I know this. But what if she actually did get one? What if as a reward for choosing to become captain, you get a power or advantage that was given in the season you hosted? What if, in our choices of who becomes captain, we're actually shaping the game in terms of the powers that are in play? I don't know that it's actually the case because like a lot of seasons didn't have specialty items, I don't think Solomon did, I don't think Sri Lanka did, I know Malaysia didn't (although Machu might've but whatever). But like seriously, how insanely spectacular would that be? IDK I don't think there are enough powers from these seasons to pull that off so for now it's just future ideas. But if it somehow is happening, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!!

NNNNNN I wanna take the advantage anonymously so bad. The thing is, we would probably just vote out Austin. But the one round I said I really wouldn't wanna vote him is the 3rd boot round. So then it would have to be Connor because he's the other one not in the alliance. But I don't wanna vote Connor. And like the other thing is, my alliance could very well just decide that one of us take it and then vote out Austin. Idk. If we lose anyway I would wanna take him out. I'm just hoping no one does from my tribe without it being someone in the alliance and them telling us. Because then that would cause paranoia. I hate this so so so so much I just want the other tribe to lose please and thank you.

[9:26:20 PM] Jessy: I bet I'm the only one being entertaining on this tribe rn.. [9:26:20 PM] Jessy: BKLMSDAKFMLSA [9:26:32 PM] Jessy: mj in his conf chat: Ugh have you watched this movie Trevor? It's 10/10 stars. [9:26:47 PM] Jessy: allison: TREVOR WHY'D YOU SEND AN EMOJI HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS OUR PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [9:27:10 PM] Jessy: drew: Omg lol Matt just gave me an advantage and I can't wait to find an idol [9:27:24 PM] Jessy: matt: silence [9:27:40 PM] Jessy: connor: OMG I GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [9:27:56 PM] Jessy: josh: Hey I'm not gonna have internet for a few more days just to let you know haha [9:28:13 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Make a confessional

https://68.media.tumblr.com/c57a58f0d413bbb47589990910d5c2f5/tumblr_o7liixFGQM1snwhbeo7_250.gif I was not planning on doing that but Austin really just set me off and I want him fucking gone! https://68.media.tumblr.com/919b9070e70a645f869822d991e664af/tumblr_oh0gstX39L1snwhbeo1_250.gif You don't get to use personality flaw and aspergers in the same sentence especially without knowing a persons history. https://68.media.tumblr.com/82bf4dc25677985e228d96635b18699e/tumblr_oh0gstX39L1snwhbeo3_250.gif https://68.media.tumblr.com/8421828988b62d30cbdb3e8125a38a7a/tumblr_o75h0o1okf1snwhbeo8_250.gif Like fucking night one he's like "i live in florida like trump" 1) doesn't trump live in the fucking white house?? 2) don't fucking mention trump around gays 3) then don't say "i don't like talking about politics cause people judge me" LIKE IF YOU DONT BRING IT UP IM NOT GONNA ASK! https://68.media.tumblr.com/bbae53b6b5edeaa0b19e2c673c56a1ad/tumblr_inline_o6vzilQPBb1rjyihp_500.gif anyways he told scoot he was gonna go for it at 10 so I was like HELL NO so I put a gay smile to make sure he couldn't get it. oops! then austin was like "oh that must suck for people who wanted it" sucks to be you austin. I really hope he goes and I didn't just get myself voted out...

RIP cause I said I would make a video but didn't feel like doing so Anyways, after waking up and going to work, I realized it would be dumb for me to pull my late night idea. I don't think I have strong relationships to really get away with pulling this off. Plus after I spoke with Sam and Lydia, they don't think the Amulet is the item being given out. So I really don't think it would work and I would have really put a huge target on my back. Plus for all I know we may swap next round so you never really know what could happen. However, it was brought to my attention through Austin that he wanted to go for the advantage once it was revealed he could get it anonymously. I do not approve of this because he's the one that I want voted out more than anyone else, so I immediately brought it to Sam and Lydia. We basically decided it would be best to snatch it now, and vote him out while we have the opportunity to do so. Sam snatched that quicker than anyone else, and she ended up getting the Sapphire Idol (lord i better not be the victim of it again). Austin also made a controversial comment to Sam by saying he doesn't like his step-siblings being autistic, so at this point I am ready for him to go. It really is difficult getting a message from him every morning because I know the conversations I have with him are not genuine and like I want to actually have friends out of this (and win), but it would be nice to have friends. All I know is we definitely won't be friends after this game

http://prntscr.com/fjyj3x

[12:19:09 AM] Jessy: I can't believe Sam McCanada is here to vote me off for a third time [12:19:10 AM] Jessy: LKBJASKLDFJSDAKLFASDLM [12:19:13 AM] Jessy: LIKE [12:20:03 AM] Jessy: i need to have [12:20:04 AM] Jessy: a SERIOUS convo w mj. [12:20:10 AM] Jessy: listen idc if ure fuck buddies with connah. [12:20:12 AM] Jessy: HE'S WITH THEM! [12:20:20 AM] Jessy: and idc if ur BUTT buddies with lydia. [12:20:22 AM] Jessy: SHES WITH THEM! [7:48:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Fuck buddies sgajdjdkdkfc [5:26:40 PM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Congratulations!  You have found the Tatzelwurm.  The longer you hold on to it the stronger it becomes.  You will be updated along the way as it's power grows. [5:27:06 PM] Jessy: Omg? [5:28:26 PM] Jessy: HAHA SAM FUCK THAT! [5:28:32 PM] Jessy: I HAVE A TATZELWURM! [5:28:37 PM] Jessy: UR IDOL CANT COMPARE! [5:33:31 PM] Jessy: Whew I did that [5:38:39 PM] Jessy: I'm not telling matt fuck him [5:38:39 PM] Jessy: LSJSLKJJK [5:38:44 PM] Jessy: he's gna work w/ lydia [5:39:06 PM] Jessy: if this was one world? [5:39:11 PM] Jessy: me: DAVID AND SCOTT BLINDSIDE HA!

Austin is CRACKT! He really does think he is running this tribe and boy he aint. Sam, Andrew, Scott and I have a 4 person alliance and we will be so set for a swap and for a few more rounds after that especially since Sam has the Saaphire idol! I really hope this group sticks together because I love it so much

It's official, Austin is going home and I am so ecstatic!! Everyone is on board and he should be going 6-1 if everything goes as planned. Hopefully it does. Right now I'm on a call with the Ice Scream chat (prev. Pure Four) and we are so relieved that he is going home soon. Praise the lord