#im not lying when i say i cried 4 times today because of me swift and her music im-

[grocerystore-gf]

the parallel between “and will u still want me when im nothing new?” and “my baby’s fly like a jet stream high above the whole scene , loves me like im brand new” has left me in real TEARS ngl

[prissypickle]

I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

[whatsjungkooking]

1-92💪🏻

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

- nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

- incorrect

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

- nope

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

- not a big issue but people tend to mess about nowadays

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

- yes my bf

6. What are you excited for?

- hopefully passing my driving test

7. What happened tonight?

- my mum and i went to mcdonalds through the drive thru and i got a chicken legend we nEVER go to mcdonalds but my mum didnt want to cook for tea so we went there

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

- no its their decision i just wouldnt do it myself

9. Is confidence cute?

- in some situations yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

- water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

- like 4

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

- all of my jeans are skinny, its to that point now where i feel really weird if my jeans/trousers arent skinny

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

- going bowling and for a meal for a friends birthday

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

- bowling and the meal HAHA

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

- yes

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

- probably not to be honest

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

- jess and lauren

18. The last time you felt broken?

- in February 

19. Have you had sex today?

- no

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

- ive realised im biting the inside of my cheeks 

21. Are you in a good mood?

- at the moment yes

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

- no thank yooouuu

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

- yes but a bit darker

24. What do you want right this second?

- water and lipbalm

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

- b y e

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

- the majority yes 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

- no way that is like number 1

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

- a video on fb i laughed so much my hip popped

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

- yasss

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

- it depends what theyve done

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

- definitely not

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

- yes

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

- nah i loooooove it

34. Listening to?

- body talk by red velvet

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

- tbh not in a while, theres always pens lying about never really pencils

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

- at his house 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- i do not, no 

38. Who did you last call?

- sainsburys, that was last week, i dont call very often

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

- my dad 

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

- bc i was saying goodbye

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

- a few weeks ago??

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

- i think i hugged both 

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

- quite a few times

44. Do you tan in the nude?

- even if i did the sun would still only catch my hands and id only tan my hands

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

- no waaaaaay

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

- i dont think so

47. Who was the last person to call you?

- my mum

48. Do you sing in the shower?

- when im the only one in the house i do yes

49. Do you dance in the car?

- i move my shoulders about HAHA

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

- at school at some point 

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

- school photo

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

- it depends which one bc for example wicked, thats a musical and thats not cheesy but some musicals are purposely meant to be cheesy

53. Is Christmas stressful?

- not for me but probably for my mum

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

- da heck is tHAT

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

- im not really a fan of fruit pies

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

- manager of asda or an author

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

- yes

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

- quite a few times

59. Take a vitamin daily?

- i used to have tablets but theyre very easy to forget about...

60. Wear slippers?

- all the time giiirrrrrl

61. Wear a bath robe?

- a dressing gown? only when im cold

62. What do you wear to bed?

- pyjamas

63. First concert?

- the saturdays

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

- none we dont have any of those here

65. Nike or Adidas?

- oooooo thats tough, maybe nike just edges in front bc ive bought more items that are nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

- wotsits

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

- peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

- love story

69. Ever take dance lessons?

- i have not no

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

- he do what he gunna do

71. Can you curl your tongue?

- yes 

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

- we dont have spelling bees so i have not

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

- mainly of laughter 

74. What is your favorite book?

- shatter me, probably bc i keep mentioning it its the first one that comes to mind

75. Do you study better with or without music?

- without, i need complete silence

76. Regularly burn incense?

- nope

77. Ever been in love?

- yes 

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

- bts, gfriend, snsd, little mix maybe, ellie goulding maybe 

79. What was the last concert you saw?

- the saturdays

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

- neither 

81. Tea or coffee?

- neither 

82. Favorite type of cookie?

- chocolate chip

83. Can you swim well?

- im okay HAHA i struggled when i was younger 

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

- i can yes

85. Are you patient?

- i would say so, especially recently bc apps have been crashing on my ipad lately and i havent gone mad yet 

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

- maybe DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

- quite a few, the first one i won was a harry potter competition in a really girly magazine and i went for it bc i thought no girl would go for it and i won, i have a flipping quidditch helmet and a huge bag

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

- nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

- nONE THEY ARE GROSS

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

- why not

91. Best room for a fireplace?

- living room

92. Do you want to get married?

- yes please