#im not religious just insane.jpg

[dolokhoded]

he came he served cunt and then he died. and then he served more cunt

[dolokhoded]

do you think jesus, human as he is, ever gets tired of forgiving much like all people do but is burdened with the power of his forgiveness being able to save a soul or to condemn it to eternal damnation

[dolokhoded]

what's the buzz, tell me what's a-happening ???

[dolokhoded]

"judas went to hell forever" yeah cause that just happens when your boyfriend is the messiah. get out of here.

[dolokhoded]

you want me to find jesus? the thing that made a perfectly sane group of people fit into this template?

3 pixel close-ups below but don't look at them too long they're messy

[dolokhoded]

tell me, who's that writing ?

[dolokhoded]

i'm not going to get into whether the gospels were written by who they actually say they're written by, or whoever wrote them knew very well what they were doing, but the way john and matthew write about judas compared to luke and mark is just so...,..,., brb screaming and crying

in luke and mark, who weren't there with the twelve, judas is portrayed as a one dimensional villain, pretty much just there to do the dirty work and then die. with the exception of mark 14:21 (it would have been better for that man if he had not been born) and luke 22:48 ("you betray the son of man with a kiss (because of love)" line), which are both just direct quotes said by jesus, judas doesn't seem to have any emotional significance whatsoever.

but matthew and john were there. matthew and john knew judas, they'd known him for three years at least by that point, he had followed jesus with the rest of them, he was one of them. in john and matthew's writing there is grief, there's something personal in their gospels that makes judas' portrayal biased not because of lack of further knowledge, but because of the way judas' bertrayal affected them.

matthew calls him the betrayer, he keeps reminding us of it, he says judas had been looking for an opportunity to do this. but matthew also writes of his remorse. writing a literal holy text, whether he knew what he was writing at the moment or not, he finds it necessary that people know what happened to judas, that he regretted the betrayal, that he tried to return the money.

and john, we see john try to find an explanation and swing back and forth between saying "oh, yeah, we knew from the start, when judas suggested we sell mary's ointments he didn't care for the poor, he wanted that money for himself" (even though when jesus said that someone will betray him everyone wondered if it would be them, nobody said "well it's clearly that judas guy, he's weird") and "he must've been possesed by the devil he would never do that it was satan".

matthew and john are writing all of that while trying to process the loss of someone that used to be their friend without ever getting any closure. the disciples had all followed jesus together, they'd found something in him but also something in each other. jesus knew everything, he knew judas was going to betray him, he knew his reasoning for it, he understood, he loved him regardless, but for the rest of them it was one second they were all eating together, and the next that he turned on them, and before they could get any explanation for it he was dead.

[dolokhoded]

contracted a rare illness called zimon zealotes dizeaze

[dolokhoded]

judas is the most obvious queer allegory in the entirety of human history it genuinely shocks me sometimes how transparent the whole BETRAYING A SON OF MAN WITH A KISS thing is when you think about it for over like 0.03 seconds.

[dolokhoded]

in case i never finish this

[dolokhoded]

how would this go down in your au

ooohohohoho charlie i have THOUGHT ABOUT THIS you have NO IDEA. you've given me the perfect opportunity to talk about the Disciple Van Road Trip that doesn't actually happen in the AU because they have no money or time to actually do that but i still have thought about extensively.

john brought up the idea and simon immediately agreed and these two are unstoppable forces so by the moment they agree on something it's happening

literally Everyone else complains but does it anyways

thomas is very against the idea because he knows "we'll all take turns driving" means he, big james, jesus and susanna will take turns driving until susanna gets bored, james has to settle an argument or console someone and jesus has some petty fight with judas and sulks in the back of the van

matthew and john do most of the planning. john because he's enthusiastic and matthew because nobody's trusting john to do this by himself

also he's very detail oriented so he'll do it properly

big james has several objections. most being on how set simon is on this when he knows he gets car sick like 30 minutes into a drive

philip and andrew have accepted their fate and are buying snacks.

little james buys noise cancelling earphones.

magdalene borderline refuses and goes home but susanna and thad talk her into it

the trip happens anyways because of course it does.

as predicted an hour in john and judas are throwing chips at each other

susanna is threatening to turn the car around and go home

matthew gets overstimulated and borrows little james' earphones which leaves him having to cope with andrew panicking over forgetting to pack the most insignificant shit

peter and andrew are insulting each other's mothers

(peter and andrew are half siblings now. lore change. i don't remember if i've ever shared that)

(generally several changes are being made)

simon has gotten car sick and wants to die. big james is trying his best to comfort him instead of calling him an idiot and saying he told him so

magdalene and jesus are engaging in polite conversation

john goes through phases where he's either super hyped and energetic and non stop talking or silently huddled next to matthew in the back of the van probably dissociating

nathanael gets bored and is trying to get thad to make out with him

several people are throwing things at nathanael

thad asks to change seats

big james realizes susanna is a hundred percent for real and is going to turn around and go home so he gently offers to drive for a bit

simon barfs out the window

they all agree it's time to make a little rest stop and get fresh oxygen back into their brains

things go slightly more smoothly after that

simon's not sick anymore and also he and james in the front seats means they're in charge of the music which means there's good music

jesus and judas have resolved whatever they're currently going through at a gas station which means jesus is in a good mood again and can make sure the group isn't falling apart

he comes up with a bunch of ridiculous road games that keep everyone busy enough to not start throwing stuff at each other

peter and andrew apologize for insulting each other's mothers and share a bag of fritos

peter and magdalene on the other hand have fought during the stop and are currently not on speaking terms

nathanael and thad might have made out. nobody's sure and at this point they're not sure they really wanna know.

magdalene and judas smoke out the window despite agreeing not to but at this point nobody's willing to pick a fight about it

jesus and thomas take turns driving while everyone sleeps. some of them occasionally wake up and keep them company because apparently sleeping in a van is not most convenient

mostly nathanael cause this guy can't sleep in a regular setting nevermind a moving vehicle. sometimes judas.

john has a nightmare at some point which he really had hoped wouldn't happen but here we are

thomas notices and he wakes big james and james makes him pull over but eventually they go back to sleep

the rest of the night is mostly uneventful

philip wakes up at some insane hour at dawn and asks thomas to pull over again in some field so he can watch the sunrise

thomas wants to go home or drive the van into a wall but he can't do that so he sits with philip and meditates on the dirt instead.

[dolokhoded]

none all of these words are in the bible.

[dolokhoded]

don't give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey, make this easy ...

[dolokhoded]

the thing about 70s hippie gay jesus is that it's not a satirical "ha ha fuck you look what i've done to your messiah" thing, no, he's still holy and righteous and all that's good in the world and that just includes weed and wishing death upon fascists and gay sex ! hope this helps

[dolokhoded]

accepting that i'll finish the redesigns in actually 100 years. i can't keep silent about them anymore here are the sons of thunder i care them so much. gaze upon them

[dolokhoded]

fuck it . Dump.