#im so excited to see what else they'll come out w

[yujrioz]

Lun8 ★ Super Power MV

[toerrishumansodontbeone]

.

Everywhere else seems too shameful to share(though I did anyway) & elaborate on, because those places are full of legitimate knowledgeable pros/artists, but uhhhh,

so I think I want to become a tattoo artist?

But seeing as I am the person that I am, living in the place that I am, knowing the language as badly as I do and having the anxiety that I do that makes it appear even more basic, I don't think I really can go the traditional route of studio apprenticeships.

And the loud majority of studio tattooers will of course tell you to never ever how even dare you try to do ANY tattooing on your own!!!! To the point of actively discouraging even buying a machine at all, even just for practice skins. Just draw a lot and go spend 1-3 years in an unpaid grueling apprenticeship where maybe they'll let u do something in a year or so uwu (tho there are also ppl fighting the gatekeeping) ( n some apprentices Ive seen whove started doing serious practice within a few months)

But yea so,,, thats why tbh it feels embarrassing to even mention me wanting to, even though on the other hand thats also.... the way to put any sort of attention on you, to garner interest from prospective mentors and amass future clients....... but also god its nerve wrecking thinking some local pro is looking at my stuff with disdain and mockery.

It just sucks how much language is a barrier for me. I'm not confident enough to just barge in talking in english even if they prob know the language fine enough.

Ontop of that its kinda sad I had all this sustained motivation for several days in a row but then I made the mistake of posting some little designs online. Because I was excited about it I of course expected excitement back. A response! A showering of praise and acceptance!

But the need for social validation is a poisonous pit and it never gives back quite what you give it. I knew it would not give me the validation and would ruin things and make me doubt myself and still I was hopeful and wanted it to be different and maybe a little bit more like the old times,,,

Its so hard to keep up my own confidence, as essential as it is to human psychology. I cant even create those little wins to sustain any real growth in myself. I just keep regressing and becoming worse. Im a hermit but one that doesnt even have any real community to turn to even online..........ughhhhhhh.

This is a very unstructured ramble, but its felt so fruitless having all these thoughts clogging my brain and nobody to talk to about them.

I dont know. Now I suddenly got back into writing and making more significant progress on my story/possibly novella.

and inbetween I thought more and more of how tattoo artist is the antithesis of me. I cannot pull my own clients, I cannot talk to people and make them want to keep coming back for my company, I could not do the receptionist duties for an apprenticeship, I do not even have an appropriate space to tattoo if it ever came to that AND renting even v small offices is stupid expensive at first glance. So I could not start doing that without already having a steady stream of clients.

Tattooing feels like a level of responsibility I could handle, it feels like it would be an interesting new craft to explore, w techniques to master, a different kind of self expression........ but thats all idyllic theory. No career path really fits me and it comes back down again to me being so unable to change my social ineptitude. Its such a waste how I had some modicum of comfort and progress in that sphere my last few years in Latvia,, and it fell apart just because it was so unsustainable financially......... N now that Ive been comfortably settled for a while in austria, just being financially stable and comfortable isnt enough...

Insanely Ive been wondering if the economy has evened out some in LV that I could come back.......but theres no way I would even physically *survive* through some unpaid apprenticeship there.....

[askaborderline]

one of my friends got diagnosed a while back with bpd and has recently told me im their fp. theyre ghosting me right now—im wondering whats the best way i can support them as a fp?

i know that relationship boundaries are important and thats something ive been working on with this person and others for a while now but i was wondering what kind of do’s and don’t would you list?

(im okay with being their fp i know its not voluntary or a choice and id just really like a clear answer on how i can best help this person out. thx so much in advance!)

Hi anon,

This is a tricky situation, first of all, but I want to thank you first of all for demonstrating that you've made an effort to understand BPD and aren't treating your friend poorly over it. You're already on the right track doing that, and it's really important that you keep letting them know that you aren't judging them for this disorder :)

As for everything else... If they're ghosting you, there's likely a reason - it may not be anything you did wrong, they may just be splitting, but it does happen. I think the best thing you can do is message them every so often, even if they don't reply, just to remind them that you're excited to see them again and gently remind them they can take as long as they need to work through whatever they need, etc. (Do not do this if they asked you explicitly to not talk to them or give them space, however, in that case it's best to do as they ask)

Whenever you're talking to them again, I think setting up very clear boundaries is an important first step. Have a talk about what makes them feel lonely, what makes them feel jealous, etc. They may not be super forthcoming at first, as trust issues are a huge part of this disorder, but should you stick to your word they'll likely begin to come around and be more open with you about their struggles. It's important to hear what they have to say and do what they ask you to do (unless it's completely unreasonable, obviously, but that's beyond the scope of a BPD diagnosis). A lot of things that trigger splitting or catastrophizing often have causes that seem small to people without BPD, but for us they are very real and major, apocalyptic issues.

In general, just be very kind, do not mitigate their feelings in any way, try to be empathetic and understanding, and keep an eye out for things you say that may upset them.

There's a great post I read also about navigating a relationship w/ someone with BPD, so I'm going to share that here because it's very good:

Hope this helps!

Cheers, Jane