#im so fucking sosry

[ohposhers]

yeah so @bulliestrollsmade me draw fanart for his Paw Patroll AU which i thought was kind of weird but ok i guess go send him asks about his epic new AU its a really cool AU guys

[superhell]

okaaay... i saw someone else talking about this fic literally yesterday and ive never read it. so. ur influencer-ing me i just started reading not easily conquered

THATS MY JAOB !!! get otghers to read nec!! god sosry my tyerpoing has ogne down im literally in ther fucking treanches right now do dfyou needa sliink

[actiasteeth]

[ david > ryan ] You are going to break your promise. I understand.

You are going to break your promise. I understand.

Ryan tilts his head away from the phone, halfway so he doesn’t have to hear the rest of what David has to say, and halfway so David doesn’t have to hear his exasperated sigh, the way he curses under his breath.

“This doesn’t have to be about you,” Ryan says, “but I can make it about you if that’s really what you want.”

“I know what I fucking said, David,” he snaps. “I know.”

He falls back into the mediocre comfort of his unmade bed, zones out on the line where the ceiling meets the wall as David goes on about something or other. He exhales slow, silent.

“No, no, I’m— I’m not fucking mad at you.” He almost laughs. But here, his voice softens significantly. “Listen, babe, I’m just tired, okay?” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I mean—” I don’t trust myself to be with you. We both know I’ll only make things worse. They’ve been down that road before—Ryan giving into him, only to turn on him once he had him there, the words bleeding out of him like falling. He doesn’t want to do that to him again. “I had a long week and I need some time to myself, that’s all.”

“David—”

“David—”

“I know, David. I’m sorry, alright? Just— please.”  

“I’ll make it up to you. I will.” He avoids making it a promise this time. Doesn’t want to give David the opportunity to use it against him. Doesn’t want to set himself up as a letdown yet again, though he’s sure he’s capable of it, promise made or not. These days, it’s what he’s good at. “Just give me one day. One fucking day and then I’m yours and we can do anything you want. Anything.”

“I’m trying, David, I really am,” he says after a long silence, voice low. And the words ache in his throat, like they’ve been worn through, tired of being used on David and himself alike. Time and time again I fucking come back from the dead for you. I bleed myself dry for you. Don’t you see that? I know it’s not enough, I know it isn’t, I know. But what more am I supposed to give you? 

(And when he hangs up, when David can no longer hear him, Ryan will let himself cry. It will rage in him, the idea of losing David. 

And later he will drink too much. Later he will shatter the week-old dishes sitting on his night stand and he will cut his hands on the shards of glass when he cleans up the mess. 

Loving you is a lot, he will text him later, the words gnarled by intoxication. 

「 1.33AM ; TO: DAVID 」 someitem s「 1.34AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i flee lik ei’m gonan fuckgin die「 1.36AM ; TO: DAVID 」 io love「 1.36AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i lvoe oyu「 1.36AM ; TO: DAVID 」 plsd on’thate me「 1.37AM ; TO: DAVID 」 ‘im sosry 「 1.37AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i;m tryinng so hardfor you「 1.38AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i’m「 1.38AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i’m tryign「 1.40AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i ovle oyu i lvoe you i l ov e u i loev you sso omuch it hruts i「 1.45AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i wanto be better for you i ewish i coudl be better your’e the onyl hthing thwt amkes any fycking sense to me i wnat to spe

He won’t remember falling asleep, one of David’s shirts clutched to his chest, bleeding through the material. Ryan won’t tell him about it.)