#im still gonna tag what is now going to be Boyfriend Talk (sdkjgnfsd) as that

[bitchsexuality]

ok, if you’re interested, here are the Details of what happened yesterday (for those of u who didn’t see the post, my crush kissed me and also he’s now my boyfriend and also i’m Dying)

putting this under a readmore because i know myself and i know it’s gonna get like... super long. if you’re on mobile i am SO SORRY:

he’d missed class on monday so i’d told him “hey do you want me to show you how to do [X thing] we learned on monday?” and he’d said yes, so yesterday i went to his place (partly i actually meant to help him out with that. partly i just wanted to cuddle again)

now, as it turns out i’m DREADFUL at like, teaching, so i spent like 20 minutes trying to find a way to explain how to do that thing and eventually kinda gave up because i knew i was making it more confusing for him, so i told him we should probably look up tutorials online or something because i was clearly not helping

at that point he looked at me, shrugged, and said “do you mind if we do that later? i’m kinda tired right now. can we sit on the bed? it’s more comfortable” (that’s not exactly what he said but i don’t remember perfectly + my brain’s melted so i probably wouldn’t know how to translate it kjdsfbg)

and perhaps i Should have been more responsible, but like i’d wanted to cuddle again for the entire fucking week. also my chair WAS kind of uncomfortable. so i said “ok :)” and we sat on the bed. we started talking about our week -we hadn’t seen each other on monday, tuesday or wednesday- and eventually we just ended up cuddling again

which obviously made me happy, like of course i was thinking i wanted to kiss him but i would’ve been fine with just cuddling y’know? count your blessings or whatever. we stayed like that for a while, hugging each other, and then he whispers something that i legitimately couldn’t understand. i asked him to repeat it and he told me “nevermind, sorry, i’m embarrassed now”

and ok. god. that should’ve been a clue. and i should’ve just told him “can i kiss you”. but i’m constantly fucking terrified of like, putting myself out there and shit, so i just said “you can tell me anything you want, but don’t worry and take all the time you need” (again, paraphrasing)

we stayed silent for a relatively long time, with him hugging me really right, until suddenly he kinda let go of me, told  me "i'm having a hard time saying it so i'll write it down on my phone instead". i turned around, he started writing, and then he looked up at me -blushing like hell- and said "no wait i'm sorry i'm also too embarrassed to show you this" 

so at that point i'm definitely sure Something's going on and i wanted  to tell him Something to reassure him, but again i'm emotionally inept and i didn't know what to say so i just sat there, smiling at him, my brain going ???????, until he kinda leaned forward and very gently placed a finger on my lips? and made this kind of hmm... idk how to explain it, kind of a quizzical humming sound if that makes sense. (also he was still blushing). again i'm emotionally inept so i just nodded because i couldn't think of anything else to say

his eyes widened, he smiled, and we both leaned forward and kissed really softly and DKFNJKSDFN OK JUST. THINKING ABOUT THIS IS MAKING ME D*E. it was so sweet y'all... and after that we kept kissing... but without tongue sdkjbdf because i told him i didn't know how to do that and i was kinda embarrassed but he told me not to worry about any of that

then we just looked at each other, smiling like a pair of fucking Idiots, and he asked "hey so do you-" and mouthed something that i didn't understand. i told him that, he laughed a bit, and said "ok i'm still embarrassed, i AM going to write this down this time around", so he grabbed his phone and wrote "do you want to be my girlfriend" and. i mean. y'all don't need me to tell you what i said right dkjsfgbg

(and god ok one of the FIRST things he told me after that was "we're doing this at your pace, whatever happens only happens when and if you want it to" and i kinda laughed and went "my pace is probably going to be pretty slow" so he kissed the top of my head and said "then we'll go slow" which... legitimately means so much to me)

after that everything was just So Cute y'all like we were cuddling + kissing, at some point we ended up laying down on the bed -we were sitting before that- and he was hugging me really tight and like kinda softly stroking behind my ear with one hand + running his thumb over my knuckles with the other (we were holding hands) and. ok. we Were kissing a lot

AND at a certain point, after kissing me, he whispered “te quiero” which is a bit hard to translate? because it isn’t 100% “i love you”. it’s more of “i like you a lot” or something like that???? idk. but it was really really sweet and i was grinning like a fucking idiot

i'm not going to talk about Everything because otherwise i'll never stop fkdjb (also because most of it is just about us kissing...) but yeah i am REALLY fucking happy rn

and i am so, so grateful that my first kiss was with him, because he's truly so careful + thoughtful and i really appreciate how he asked me for consent + if i was comfortable every single step of the way. it means so much to me 😭