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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

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Episode 9 - “He just told me what side of the fence to fall on” - Corey

Well that went my way for sure!! While unanimous, literally five minutes into the warzone I told Ian we have to go after Madison and Jacob. He agreed and then we rallied the troops. Love when a plan works out.

An alliance called M&M&M was made between Matt, Madison, and I. We were thinking of doing Ian but we didnt want to push too hard because we didnt want to reveal our cards that we had something. I just hope us sacrificing Jacob will be a positive thing for us and not a negative. Im glad theres allinces forming now. Hope i can stay away from warzone this next round but who knows. Im going to try my hardest tho.

help. who knew that my blood revenge for wanting Nehe out resulted in ALL of the other Kilimanjaro reps to be voted off one by one. parting that with chips, there was 5 people repping that season... and now I'm the lone Survivor from that season. pray for me yalls.

Ugh!!! I blame Johnny for this. Scavenger hunt is usually my favorite challenge except the both times im doing it with Johnny :p these are soooo weird again. Dealing with this challenge and moving my stuff from my apartment on friday/saturday will probably not get me immunity. Im still trying so hopefully everyone else is busy as well. I Curse Johnny but like only a small one. Like him spilling his fries on the floor. 🍟

Hosts: Another Ian confessional, hopefully he shuts up about his idol and actually give some insight into his game. Me: MY IDOL!!!!11!!1 IT IS MINE, MY OWN, MY PRECIOUS. On a real note, I'm not sure if I confessed this round yet that one of the reasons behind the Jacob vote was to put Nar in a numbers advantage should that come into play at anytime. The point of the premerge phase is to build as many pathways to alliances/mutually beneficial voting blocks as possible that also have a vested interest to vote with you. I have Maynor asking to be a duo with me, sure yeah man I do like you and hope to work with you deep in this game as someone that can help me cut Corey or Trace if working with them in the game becomes problematic, but I also know Maynor has a vested interest in Kait, which I do like Kait well enough but she can't be allowed to go on a run if I want a chance to make a run myself. Corey wants to keep our partnership as secret as possible, which yes I do think is smart, it also relies heavily on trust. At this moment in time I have no reason but to trust Corey. That may change in the future, he wants to keep it secret, that's chill, but I'm going to have my own backdoor deals should shit hit the fan. Devon/Matt one of them put me as the scapegoat to Jacob, I don't know which and honestly I do not care which one of them it was. They are both standing in my way at this moment for the win. That could change in the future. The game is long and full of terrors.

this is it this is the round im goin to the w a r z o n e

Im safe!!! Im glad cuz tomorrow is graduation party from my parents and didnt wanna attend tribal. But i feel like Drunk Maynor is being cheated out for this season. I dont have my drinking buddies. Maybe this season wont see Drunk Maynor and I could actually be good in this game.

Me: goes to warzone a bunch People in warzone: don’t target me at all ———— Last round: People in warzone: mention my name Me: flips that ish on Jacob REAL quick also me: HA NOT GOING TO WARZONE AGAIN FOR A HOT SEC BEST BELIEVE IM FINALLY IMMUNE. imagine that! I kinda tried for once! and I placed exactly where I needed to hehe.

Thomas is a fucking idiot honestly. Like, he has been to the war zone enough times to know that the WORST possible thing you can do is throw a name out on the first night. Everything always comes together a couple hours before tribal, and by putting names out there this early, he is basically just MAKING SURE that the vote will come down between him and Adrian. For background, Thomas came to me, still butthurt about being called inactive, telling me that he wants to vote Adrian. I am very into that plan, don't get me wrong. Adrian is one person that I have literally nothing in common with. But to come in, guns blazing, this early in the war zone is a HUGE mistake, one that will probably end in a lot of extra stress for Thomas. But, it is good for me, because even though Thomas likes to spill all the tea to me, he is someone that I could very well afford losing. Kait is finally in the war zone. This could also be a pivotal moment because I would be shocked if people do not gun for her this round. I don't really want her out yet because I feel like she's a great shield for the merge, but we shall see what people want. basically, even though I don't really have any of my closest allies in the war zone (ian, Corey, Madison), I might be okay because of Thomas v Adrian, and MAJOR threats being here. The only thing that could fuck me up is if Owen tries to pull something. I do not trust that kid and want him out early merge. But for now I am just trying to lay low and vote with majority.

against all odds, I'm still safe! Warzone looks like a crackden tonight and I'm nowhere near it. I hope Owen makes it out okay. Kait, though chaotic, is someone I'm getting closer to. I would like to have her around until around f9??? we'll see. Same kind of story w Maynor. I need Thomas and Stephen OUT. Timmy as well. They are on my Arya-style kill list. I've been immune for ??? 4 tribals in a row now??? I still have my save vote to use as I have not been to tribal since obtaining it. I have also acquired a rock-save thing that Ian and I dug up together. Basically, if we go to rocks, I can use it to save myself (immune from my rock being picked). Nifty lil power... Hopefully I also get this save vote and don't become the owner of a dead power. After tomorrow's tribal, we'll be final 14. 10 gone. only 11 more to go before I'm in FTC. or 12. I don't care. As long as I'm there in the end. Ideally, with Ian and Owen and I come out victorious. I am playing nice girl, liar AND schemer. The game is outwit, outlast and you can't outwit Corey Rae Jepsen baby! and if you want the truth, this is Corey. I suspect Owen-Kait-Thomas to vote the same way. i expect Adrian-Matt to vote the same way. Chloe and Stephen are wild cards. Trace... I am praying for to be okay as well. If Chloe-Stephen-Trace-Matt-Adrian work together, they could get Thomas or Kait out. We'll see! I feel bad wanting Kait out as I do like her but if she goes w/o me having a hand in it... I'll be sad bc I like her but happy bc I think she's too smart to keep very long. She'll catch on to me. She'll plan my demise, which is exactly why I need her close to me as long as she's here. Also - Maynor coming in 2nd? I'm out here busting my butt and they're gonna rank me number three? after someone who can't even barely walk and barely do anything and all he does is sit around and fuss and curse everyone.. I was VERY insulted. (this a crystal cox quote sgflksgls) But fr he said he barely did any. mmhmmmm.. If i was on the fence about him before, he just told me what side of the fence to fall on.

Im glad Im safe. Idk how this vote will actually go. I wish luck to thomas matt kait. And ithers but cant remember who from other side is in it. Today imma just keep talking to ian and corey to make deeper bonds with then and enjoying my grad party. Drunk maynor may leave a confessional later.

This warzone is by far the most crucial one in my game. I’m absolutely PARANOID at this point because Kait gave me some info that Ian is mad at me for telling Jacob to vote him, wasn’t my idea but okay. I’m at a point where playing in the middle will leave me getting absolutely squashed in the middle. My allies Kait and Adrian are totally at odds with each other, and Thomas is targeting Adrian and Adrian is targeting Thomas and like, I just wanna vote Chloe. I have the feeling that Adrian needs to go this time around, it would free me of the threat of being sign partners in this game and I’d rather leave bitter betrayals for the pre jury portion of the game. As long as I’m not getting votes and I can keep holding on to this idol and some semblance of good graces with everyone in the game I’m satisfied.

Well I forgot to submit the video confessional I will later lol but I want Adrian out. He seemed very d*ckish about me being inactive and I am not taking kindly to it. It seems Trace is with me and so it Kait and Owen. I hope I can get on more person so we can get Adrian out.

I'm highkey getting 15th again... and I'm gonna cry. Like this fucking hurts so much. People aren't talking to me and the few people are just talking about life and pretty much anything but the vote. Getting a third 15th placement will literally crush my heart and soul so much, so I pray that something works out in my favor.

So happy to be safe, didn't think I would be. Ummmmm, looking at who is going to tribal, i'm not sure who is going to get voted out. I would be so sad if Kait goes, but it would be a smart move in all honesty because this is the first time she's gone to tribal. Getting her or Owen out would be a big move, but I need them in the game for the time being because they are some of the only people who are seen as bigger challenge threats than me. Although I am only safe because of the tribe I'm on, I've never scored the best overall and so really it's an interesting scenario, if I was on the other tribe I would be at the warzone, yet on mine I got 3rd. I just hope it's not a unanimous vote because I want people to come back to camp with drama.

I feel more sick than I ever have and now I’m back in the war zone. How fun. I just hope I can manage to stay safe yet again, I feel like that’s unlikely though

Okay so I’ve been busy af with my friends all of a sudden it’s almkst tribal nnnnn and it’s between Chloe and Adrian rn. Adrian allegedly wanted me and Kait out earlier YIKE so I originally wanted him but now it’s like matt pushing for Chloe This is rlly good for my game tho because it gives me and Kait something to bond over that sets us apart from matt. I literally am never going to turn on Kait in this game.... fuck. I hope she do the same .

Its Alcohol Time!!!!!!!!

Show just got out and barely anyone messaged me the whole time whoops! I think I’m about to get blindsided tbh this is too quiet lmaooo but Kait and I pushed Adrian so hopefully that’s it. If not then it’s been fun. This seems too easy so I’m not expecting much nnnn but if I’m here.... I’m goin for it

Im drinking more now. And im nervous who is leaving tonight. Hope the people im working with stay alive.

Good news! I won the past two challenges and have been safe! That is awesome. Even better news is I just searched Q10 and got a hit which means I’m near an idol :)

youtube

I am drunk. And i miss havjng my drinkjng buddies in dani alyssa n jess. And havung jones be on call. I need to find some drinking buddies here to have more fun. Plus monty alyssa n johnny r doing amazing as hosts this seasob.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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shadowfalconwing · 7 years

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this is deeply personal, and it’s for someone very specific

It's barely been two weeks but it feels like a fucking year. It feels like ten fucking years, im dying to check in on you and see how you are and how you've been and did you change your mind I check in sometimes on your blog to make sure things aren't completely fallen apart and I'm both happy and sad that they haven't because I wish I was important enough to you to have that effect like you did on me Because fuck my world stopped for days when we parted ways. I couldn't breathe right, the morning after I collapsed on my floor because I couldnt stop sobbing I felt like I was going to throw up with every heave of my chest and every cry that came from my mouth I haven't cried like that for so long.

The morning after i woke up in an empty bed from a dream where you were in it

The morning after I sat on the floor and used a rusty exacto blade to slice into my thighs because I wanted to think about something other than the unbearable sadness that just tore me down in waves.

The morning after I traced that same blade right across my wrist, light enough to be safe but hard enough to leave a mark, and then a little harder still because I wasn't sure that I wanted to keep going

The morning after i had to call someone to come keep me company because if i didnt i would have slit my wrists and let myself bleed to death.

And i Want to say it wasn't because of you but it was Because in losing your love I lost one of the few driving forces I had left In losing your love I lost you and all that you entailed because if I had stayed around knowing that and still loving you I would be worse than I am now

And I say that but in my heart I feel your loss so deeply that maybe I should have sucked it up and kept you in my life even if it meant never being able to kiss your beautiful lips and soft cheeks, your eyelids and your fingertips, or hold you in the late hours of the night and just enjoy having you safe in my arms and being safe in yours, or wake up in the morning and have you be the first thing i see, or whisper to you while we made love and think nothing but silent “I love you”s because if i said it i would break the spell that we were in

In losing you i lost my home

and i write you so many love letters because i love you so much i cant contain it within myself

i write you so many love letters because a part of me wishes you’d read them and be moved and think “i made a mistake i do love her”

and i write them here because another part of me wishes that you never read these and that they stay my secret

When i lost your love I lost a future i wanted, I lost the person who made me think that maybe, just maybe, i was going to be old enough to have kids. To have grandkids. I lost someone i thought i might grow old with. I lost the only person in this entire, fucked up world that it was easy to share my every thought with. I lost a child that i dreamt of with you, as odd as it is to say at 19, because i could see that with you. And this comes from someone who promised herself that she’d not make it past high school. I lost the person who made me want to be better, because fuck knows i’m messed up enough in the head that i’m not worth my own time. I lost you, Tonatiu, and it’s really fucking hard.

You know, sometimes i just think of you and really quiet, when i’m all by myself, i whisper to you that i love you? You cant hear me, you don’t even care anymore, but when i’m alone in my room like right now, at 2 in the morning, you’re all i can think of. And that’s just because during the daylight i have things to distract me, i have small missions i set for myself so that i can avoid thinking about you.

And maybe i didnt consider how you felt enough, maybe this is hard for you too. I feel like maybe there’s a part of you that’s relieved that this is over, relieved that you’re rid of me. But i’m sorry that i didnt think of you more, that i didnt try to understand you more. I did all i could but

i mean it’s never enough is it

because i’m never enough am i

i wish i could find someone who could just make me forget you because everything hurts and i just wish you were here to hold me and tell me this was a nightmare because the world literally lost all of its vibrancy and my life feels meaningless and its an empty way to live when you live avoiding thinking about anything because when you think then you want to fucking die

because nati i want to fucking die

and i’m lost and i need you and you’re gone and i need to keep you away because you dont love me anymore but fuck i would give anything to just go back in time and have you again because you were my world and i just

I love you so, so much. At the end of everything it just comes back to that.

y o u d o n t l o v e m e a n y m o r e

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