#im yapping no one cares but i have many feelings about thor

[othunderous]

welcome to my ted talk about the damn scene

thanos made a show of killing loki. he could have made it quick and simple, nothing personal-- but he didn't. he made it personal. he looks very smug while he's killing loki, and looks at thor like he wants him to know he's enjoying it, and-- as thor could never hide the pain of that moment-- wants him to know he'll get a kick out of any reaction.

this is also how i know thanos acting like his mission is genuinely just for the betterment of the universe, no hard feelings, is a bunch of bullshit. (confirmed by the fact he says he'll enjoy it in endgame you big bald loser)

anyway, also important to note he kills heimdall by stabbing him through the heart. cuz we all know the first half of thor's detrimental decision at the end of the movie is aiming for thanos' heart. aiming for the head was the smart, obvious choice. there was way too much at stake to even consider anything else. but thanos made it personal. thor didn't want it over in a split second. he wanted to make a show of it, make thanos feel it, just like he'd done to him. he wanted thanos to feel every second of it. he wanted to savor killing him.

which isn't like thor at all. and i think even in the moment he knows that, but for 2 movies straight he's been nothing but traumatized. too much shit to even list iykyk but also, might i add, we don't even know how bad the fight with thanos was. we don't see it. it's bad enough that thor is just laying there bleeding. thor, who never stops fighting unless he's on the brink of death. so i think it's understandable that he's a little unlike himself. but anyway, he doesn't particularly care that revenge is rotting his brain because what else does he have left at that point? of course he clings to it. but as all revenge stories go, it doesn't make him feel better. at all. he thinks he'll enjoy killing thanos, and sure, part of him does, but look at his face here.

he's getting what he wants, one of the only things he's thought about since thanos attacked the ship. he's taking his time-- you see how slowly he's pushing the axe in. and he's watching, making sure he remembers it, but he doesn't look satisfied. he looks furious, sure, but he also looks emotional. he almost looks like he's on the verge of tears. his chin literally quivers. having killed thanos here would have been nice, and it would have felt good for maybe a few minutes. but then what? i think, even in this moment, he's recognizing that once thanos is dead. . . his people aren't coming back, his best friend isn't coming back, his brother isn't coming back. (edit: i also think he may be staring hardcore at thanos, but he is seeing the asgardians & heimdall & loki) it can't be undone and he will still have to sit with that. but enacting revenge is the one thing he has and he made a promise, so he's gonna fulfill it.

except that he doesn't. in choosing the objectively selfish method (and though it's absolutely justified, it is at its core still selfish), he gives thanos enough time to do the very thing people died trying to prevent. so not only does he lose his one very flimsy attempt at satisfaction, he's personally doomed half the universe, and he went to a very deep dark place + his best friend & brother died for basically nothing. all the anger and the vengeance was for nothing.

the devastation of the snap alone is unimaginable but it follows so much. and you know what! anyone, i mean anyone could have become a villain after this and it would be so understandable. if the fates are hellbent on ruining your life and laughing in your face about it, why not just be evil. but he stays good and that is everything 2 me. he is still severely traumatized and it annoys me every day that the movies either don't acknowledge it or treat it as a joke. thanks for coming to my ted talk.