#import detail is I'm wearing lesbian flag earrings

[readinginthereadyroom]

it's panic (911 5x01) and hen has a new pair of glasses.

and yes, I realize this is a very small detail in an ep chock full of meta-worthy details. but...

they aren't new glasses. they are old glasses come back.

specifically, they are hen's s2 glasses. which seems like it should be important. except the show has gone out of its way to emphasize that hen wears different glasses at different points in her life. that getting a new pair means something to her.

and we know style is really important to hen. it's how she navigates the world. how she carves out her own space and says this is who I am. this is what's important to me.

in early s1 she dressed pretty butch. but her style's evolved since then. into her own take on what I'd tentatively call sporty futch. lots of brightly colored track suits, bold patterned sweaters, and statement t-shirts. she also loves a classic red lip and large gold hoops earrings.

and she's very specific about what she doesn't wear. in there goes the neighborhood (911 4x07) she points out that her mom still buys her dresses for christmas. I mean, have either of you ever seen me in a dress?

and the thing is. we, the audience, have seen hen wear a dress. back in hen begins (911 2x09) when she's still a pharma rep. she's wearing a professional dress for a business meeting. and getting hit on by a slimy doctor.

and it's so obvious that this isn't the hen we know. I mean, that's the whole point of the begins episodes. to show us who the firefam were before their epiphany moments. when they decide to become a firefighter. but more than that--when they decide to stop pretending to be someone they aren't.

and hen sure is pretending. she's still with eva. and she might be out in her everyday life, but she's not out at work. you act like I'mma march in there with a rainbow flag. no one knows I'm a lesbian.

and it makes sense. society is stacked against her. a black woman in business must be othering enough. but to be a black lesbian woman?

and so she twists herself to fit in. dresses very feminine and wears her hair in a soft bob. keeps to a neutral color palette. a pair of simple wire-rimmed frames. because it's how she's expected to dress.

and it's not until she takes a stand. stands up for herself. admits she hates her job and wants something more meaningful out of her life. something more truthful. that all her stylized lies fall away. this is not me. none of this is me.

so she trades her professional dresses for a paramedic's uniform. a wig for a helmet. and she looks fantastic doing it.

and, like epiphanies will, it only expands from there. at some point she leaves eva, meets karen, adopts denny. and the more comfortable, happy, and truthful she is in her life. the more her wardrobe reflects that.

and it all culminates in her speech at the 118. when you look at me, what do you see? a woman? a black woman? a lesbian? good. 'cause I'm all of those things. and I don't expect you to love me. I don't even ask you to like me. all I ask is that when you look at me, see me.

because hen's bold. she's unafraid. she's nefertiti. she's an incredible woman, ambitious, and proud of her black culture. she's crystal clear and hidden gold and smooth toffee and sly cat eye.

so I can really only speculate, one ep into s5, why she's once again wearing her s2 glasses.

maybe this is a hint. we know that s5's storyarc is one of panic, blackouts, and breakdowns. that is, until you can build yourself back up.

maybe hen looking for the stability she had back in s2. who she was after everything with eva was finally over and past. before the added stressors of fostering. before the pandemic. before toni moved in.

before she added a white lab coat to her wardrobe.

hen asks to be seen. but she also sees. sees how her life might be reaching a breaking point. even when she loves everything about it. sees that something has to change. or something has to come back.

sees thru her glasses.