#in both cases Gumshoe isn't paid enough for that tomfoolery

[istadris]

Dick Gumshoe completely, utterly, desperately oblivious to Phoenix and Edgeworth's relationship, missing every single clue that his boss is very much fucking the defense in more ways than one, happily walking on Edgeworth and Phoenix disheveled and flushed and looking sad "aww, were you fighting again? Come on, pal, you won the trial, you don't have to rub it in Mr Edgeworth's face ☹", completely zoning out everytime Phoenix and Edgeworth cross a new milestone in their relationship (very loudly, very publicly, the Judge still cries when he thinks about the wedding proposal), to the point it takes several minutes of confused misunderstandings and half of the police department for him to finally get what's going on when Mr Edgeworth is asking him to be his best man at the wedding.

VS

Dick Gumshoe somehow the only man in Japanifornia who knows Phoenix and Edgeworth are an item. From the first moment he saw them interacting he thought "dang, Wright got the best tastes in men, too bad I can't say the same about Mr Edgeworth". He didn't say anything because come on, that's not his business! Except he's the only one who thinks there's any business, everyone else is convinced Edgeworth and Phoenix hate each other's guts (including the main concerned for a while) or at best tolerate each other. Meanwhile Gumshoe regularly witnesses Edgeworth melting down whenever Wright is concerned, Phoenix going through hell to save Edgeworth, both of them working together like they're two halves of the same coin. "I hope someday there's someone who loves me like Mr Edgeworth loves Wright," he thinks fondly as the tribunal worries one of them is going to throttle the other. "Saw this and thought of you!" He jokes while giving a blue and red Valentine themed thingie to Phoenix, who's utterly confused. He bought them condoms once, and Edgeworth wrecked his brains for days trying to figure out how he could be so obvious, when actually Gumshoe didn't even think, his boss just seemed tense that day so he wanted to help. They're just that obvious, y'know?