#in general i think it would be fun (in theory) to be a tes video maker who focuses more on analytical stuff and picking topics apart

[falmerbrook]

I don't think I have it in me to be a youtube Video Essayist (like, I have the autism for it, and i love pacing around my house pretending I am, but I do not the mental ability to handle pushback), nor do I think i have the thorough academic/analytical knowledge on this topic atm to handle it the way I'd want to, but every time I see discourse about the topic of lgbt characters in video games I yearn to make a video about queer characters and tes and how tes handles them

[thesportssoundoff]

3 am late March Mock Draft Madness

Joey

March 21st

Up early, looking for something to do. Decided to do a mock draft! Click inside for the goods;

1) Cleveland Browns- QB Sam Darnold, USC

John Dorsey drafted Pat Mahomes with Alex Smith as a one year short term stopgap solution in KC and faces a similar chance with the top pick Cleveland Browns. With Tyrod Taylor as a "get competitive!" holdover, Darnold is your guy who waits in the wings. In an ideal world/perfect scenario, this is the modern day Kitna to Carson Palmer transition.

2) New York Giants- QB Josh Rosen, UCLA

I don't believe the Giants at this point in time would take a QB at 2 but somebody is going to make a move and give up heaven and Earth to get their QB. Josh Rosen is ready to play now and while I don't see all pro QB, I think he can be a starter for a long time for some team. We've seen other teams amass picks to get value (Tennessee mainly) and the Giants might be best suited to replicate the concept with the #2 pick.

3) New York Jets- QB Baker Mayfield, Oklahoma

The Jets made a move up to 3 which says one of two things; 1) they got desperate/jumpy and jumped up figuring they can grab one of their top 3 QBs or 2) they have some sort of unspoken word about the Giants NOT trading and NOT wanting a QB. In this scenario, they snag Baker Mayfield who really brings everything the Jets haven't had in some time. He's their chance at a swagger induced QB who can completely change the tone of a franchise. It's been rumored they REALLY REALLY like Josh Allen (and the Mike Maccagnan profile QB is normally the prototypical big armed big bodied passer) but I have to believe this is where Mayfield goes. If you're moving up to grab Josh Allen, you're moving up to grab someone else's QB.

4) Cleveland Browns- CB Denzel Ward, Ohio State

Once Cleveland gets their franchise QB (in theory), all bets are off on what they could do next. Bad teams with needs everywhere have the benefit of drafting purely BPA because BPA fills a need no matter where you take it. Quenton Nelson and Sanquan Barkley will be in the discussion for some but it's worth remembering Jon Dorsey has had a ton of success with mid round RBs. Denzel Ward is by far the best DB in this draft class no matter how tall he is or isn't.

5) Denver Broncos- RB Sanquan Barkley, Penn State

The Broncos offense suddenly becomes fun and complex. With locked in WRs Damariyus Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders plus Case Keenum in the midst of what most will hope to be a career long renaissance, the Broncos COULD take a QB here but instead opt to grab "the best player in the draft" according to most. Barkley helps transform and reconfigure a Broncos offense in need of an identity boost.

6) Indianapolis Colts- DE Bradley Chubb, North Carolina State

Easy enough I suppose. Thought about Quenton Nelson here and there's a good chance that Indy will move out of this spot but Matt Eberflus has a profile on DEs, a profile I'm familiar with given his time as the Cowboys linebacker coach. Bradley Chubb was a true combine hero at 6'4 270 lbs and has the ability to transform a talentless Indianapolis defense overnight.

7) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- S Derwin James, Florida State

Speaking of Combine guys, Derwin James! James to Tampa Bay feels like such an easy fit to match up; a star defender who can play a variety of spots right away. James was rusty recovering from ACL surgery but the NFL is going to get the best version of Derwin which could mean Eric Berry-esque potential. If ya don't believe me then check his athletic profile and who it comps to.

8) Chicago Bears- OG Quenton Nelson, Notre Dame

The Bears have their franchise QB and now need to build around him. They spent in free agency to build a team that could help Mitchell Trubinski in his development and Matt Nagy comes from Kansas City where the offense, at its peak, was all about giving your QB time and allowing him to play quick and loose. Quenton Nelson is the "safest prospect in the draft" (the CURSE OF THE SAFEST PROSPECT!) and immediately replaces Josh Sitton. It's not a "sexy" pick but he would immediately make Chicago better and allow for guys like Taylor Gabriel, Allen Robinson, Trey Burton and Chicago's ridiculous RB corps to do work.

9) Miami Dolphins*- QB Lamar Jackson, Louisville

I feel safe in saying that some team will sneak up to 9 or so and grab the last remaining QB of value. John Lynch doesn't mind moving picks or trading around to get the guys he needs and some team (Buffalo/Arizona/Washington?) will come calling to this spot. Lamar Jackson is only not a QB if you're an dull mind when it comes to what a QB should be able to do. I'm going with Maimi to move up a smidge and get Lamar Jackson after Tannehill ended back to back seasons on the shelf.

10) Oakland Raiders- LB Roquan Smith, Georgia

Not since MAGA and the Angry Video Game Nerd has a movement so focused on bringing us back into the past been thrust upon us. Jon Gruden has said he wants to bring football back to 1998 and his big money deals respective to position to a long snapper and a fullback (Keith Smith is a great dude and a fantastic story about triumphing vs adversity so he deserves every penny) have helped us see what that means. Roquan Smith helps us further go back to 1998 with a top 10 pick for a fantastic Tampa-2 esque linebacker at the WLB spot. Smith can do it all despite his lack of elite height and could play weak or middle for Oakland.

11) San Francisco 49ers- CB-FS Minkah Fitzpatrick, Alabama

Fitzpatrick is my guess for the early round 1 slider although really good corners tend to go early. 9ers can get a guy who can play in their base defense at either corner or S depending on how things shake out in FA with Eric Reid.

12) Buffalo Bills- DE-OLB Harold Landry, Boston College

This is basically who I imagine the 49ers would take at a spot like this. The 9ers had SERIOUS pass rush problems in 2017 and with a young QB and a developing hip offensive scheme under Kyle Shanahan, a key pass rusher would be a great idea. If not? Buffalo could always use pass rush help right? Riiiiiight?

13) Washington Redskins- DT Vita Vea, Washington

I'd reaaaally hate this as a Cowboys fan. Vita Vea in Washington would be scary when you combine DL guru Jim Tomsula with a physical freak like him at the nose.

14) Green Bay Packers- LB Marcus Davenport, UTSA

Pass rushers are a premium, nothing else will be said as often as that statement throughout April. The Packers really need help on defense and a guy like Marcus Davenport who has traditional rushed out of a 2 point stance will be of interest to them for sure. Davenport also did himself plenty of favors with a fantastic combine.

15) Arizona Cardinals- QB Josh Allen, Wyoming

The Cardinals are almost guaranteed to do some moving and shaking come draft time and I'd bet for sure they don't pick here. They lack a lot of the draft capital to move up (just 5 picks) so they could go backwards OR they could use 2019 picks to go FORWARDS and take a QB. Either way, pencil in a QB at this spot if they stick around. Sam Bradford is bound to break something eventually.

16) Baltimore Ravens- WR Calvin Ridley, Alabama

Ozzie Newsome and Alabama. Ridley and Crabtree give you maybe one last gasp with Flacco at the helm of the Ravens offense.

17) San Diego Chargers- LB Tremaine Edmunds, Virginia Tech

So close, Cowboys fans. Edmunds flirts with taking a big drop to 19 but is gone at 17. Can play ILB or OLB in the Chargers 3-4 scheme with elite rushers like Joey Bosa and Melvin Ingram around him.

18) Seattle Seahawks- OT Mike McGlinchey, Notre Dame

For the love of God please help Russell Wilson.

19) Dallas Cowboys- WR D.J Moore, Maryland

The Cowboys seemingly will focus their efforts on two spots early; WR and LB. Anybody outside of those two positions will fall under either a best case (elite talent slides) or a worst case (wiped out at the two spots) mentality. The Cowboys might like Ridley more but DJ Moore is the better athlete and flat out better fit in their offense.

20) Detroit Lions- RB Derrius Guice, LSU

The signing of LaGarrette Blount doesn't prevent Detroit from further collecting help for Matt Stafford. The Lions are chasing the Vikings in their division and will have to contend with Minnesota's defense---so why not double up on great running backs? OL and DL help are a priority as well.

21) Cincinnati Bengals- OL Connor Williams, Texas

If you remove the fact that he weighed in under 300 lbs, Connor Williams had himself quite the combine. New Bengals OL coach Frank Pollack values OL who can scoot and jump, two things Williams excelled at at the Combine. The question is whether he's a guard or a tackle BUT I figure Cincy will have to figure that out themselves.

22) Buffalo Bills- WR Courtland Sutton, SMU

Bills need additional help at the WR spot. The Alshon Jeffery comps are apt with Sutton who will need time but can grow to be a #1 WR. Low floor, high ceiling in the case of the 6'3 Sutton.

23) Los Angeles Rams- OLB Arden Key, LSU

The Rams have acquired plenty of back end talent for this defense en flux and also moved on from linebackers. Arden Key, if focused/healthy, is the sort of guy who can transition this defense to the next level. He comes with questions across the board but he can rush the passer and Wade Phillips, having seen him work with Spencer and Ware, knows how to unlock talented edges.

24) Carolina Panthers- TE Hayden Hurst, South Carolina

The best all around TE in the draft for a team that's going to have to come to grips with the end of the Greg Olsen Era.

25) Tennessee Titans- LB Rashaan Evans, Alabama

The general consensus, from my research at least, is that it'll be defense for Tennessee. Torn between Leighton Vander Esch and Rashaan Evans, I opted for the more consistent higher floor thumper MLB type.

26) Atlanta Falcons- DT Da'Ron Payne, Alabama

Back to back Bama Bros! Payne was largely unproductive in college, to an almost laughable degree, but tested out really well at the Combine and might just be a case of the scheme stifling the player. He'll immediately give Grady Jarrett some help on the interior of the Falcons DL plus with Takk McKinley and Vic Beasley on the edge, the Falcons can really give OL hell.

27) New Orleans Saints- LB Leighton Vander Esch, Boise State

A fella with the name and look of a guy who Bruce Willis fights in a Die Hard movie, Leighton Vander Esch reminds me a lot of Jaylon Smith at his time in ND. Big athletic flashes with some passiveness to his game especially in the run. Give him a year or two to bulk up and the Saints could have a stud linebacker to add to their already impressive young crop of defenders.

28) Pittsburgh Steelers- DT Maurice Hurst, Michigan

Really was stuck here. No major QB of note, not gonna be ballsy enough to grab a RB, they just added Morgan Burnett and there's no linebacker I really feel a liking for. The perfect 3-technique, Mo Hurst would give the Steelers some help at the 3-4 DE spot. Just didn't see a really good value spot here.

29) Jacksonville Jaguars- QB Mason Rudolph, Oklahoma State

This would be a great spot for Isaiah Wynn but the Jaguars spent on guards in free agency. A WR would be cool here too but  Mason Rudolph would give the Jaguars a developmental QB behind Blake Bortles who fits some of the rules and models that old school types like Tom Coughlin abide by (look up the BP rules on drafting QBs).

30) Minnesota Vikings- OL Isaiah Wynn, Georgia

This is big time value for the Vikings who get to continue to rebuild their offensive line. Wynn is one of the best technicians in the draft for OL.

31) New England Patriots- CB Jaire Alexander, Louisville

The Patriots traded for Jason McCourty and have Stephen Gilmore but depth doesn't hurt at corner, am I right? Jaire Alexander is a freakishly good corner and insane value at 31 if he can stay healthy and if you can overlook his lack of elite height.

32) Philadelphia Eagles- RB Ronald Jones, USC

The Ronald Jones to Eagles bandwagon has been hot for a minute now. Don't ask ME to change that.

[pinkipie100]

PIDGE IS ITALIAN IT’S TIME FOR ME TO HAVE A FUCKIN’ FIELD DAY

I’M SO PROUD OF MY ITALIAN BABY!!! I WENT TO ITALY EARLIER THIS SUMMER, SO Y’ALL BET YOUR ASS IMMA MAKES SOME DOPE-ASS HEADCANONS ABOUT MY FAVORITE ITALIAN VENT GREMLIN!!!

*digs out my Latin binder*

She took Latin. Yeah, you can fight me on this one. There’s no way she didn’t. Maybe she took Italian on the side, too, in fact she probably did, but do you know what Latin classrooms are like? They’re filled with f*ckin’ nerds. Where the hell else do you think Pidge would fit in at school? [BESIDES the computer lab].

When she entered the Garrison, everybody made fun of her for taking a dead language. In exchange, she defiles their Garrison textbooks with lines from Ovid’s Ars Amatoria. [‘Lex talionis, lupae.’]

Whenever someone even mildly inconveniences her, she responds with, ‘Et tu, Brute?’

Lance forgets to return her headphones? ‘Et tu, Brute?’

Hunk filches some of her food goo? ‘Et tu, Brute?’

Coran keeps a tool she needs out of reach because you have to sleep, Number Five? ‘Et tu, Brute?’

When she says it to Keith, he gets really confused. [‘What does “a two brutal” mean, Pidge?’]

She swears like a sailor, but no one realizes it because she’s always swearing in Latin. For example:

Futue te ipsum!

Sterculum!

Ede faecam.

Futuere!

Te futueo et caballum tum.

And, her favorite roast: Mater tua tam obesa est ut cum Romae est urbs habet octo colles!

Also, Latin memes: Salvete, omnes!

She totally ships Cornelia and Flavia from Ecce Romani

She and her family have visited Italy a couple times.

The first time, they spent some time in Firenze [Florence]; the second time, they visited Roma and Capri.

Pidge loves Lampredotto. [Am I self-projecting here? Maybe.] Matt is grossed out by her weird obsession with a sandwich that’s made from the fourth stomach of a cow, so she does her best to shove it in his face whenever he can.

When she left Firenze, she dearly missed her beloved Lampredotto, and she thinks of it often. [I am very much self-projecting.]

The first thing she thought when she saw Kaltenecker was, ‘I need to borrow his stomach.’

Lance doesn’t ever leave Pidge and Kaltenecker in a room alone after that.

Pidge went to the Uffizi Gallery, and though she isn’t much one for art, she really loved the Sleeping Hermaphroditus. It spurred her to learn about gender spectrums, and also inspired her to experiment with her own gender expression.

She thought about that sculpture as she was cutting her hair to sneak into the Garrison.

In Roma, Pidge and Matt were having a field day translating all the Latin on all the arches and buildings [yes, Matt is a Latin nerd too, fight me on this].

Pidge and her family also visited the Vatican and saw the Sistine Chapel. They’re not Catholic, or even Christian, but damn, when you can see a painting by Michelangelo, you see a painting by Michelangelo.

Pidge didn’t much care for it, but she and Matt had a great time running around the other hallways of the Vatican.

She actually liked the modern Christian art displayed there and felt it was very underappreciated.

When she visited the Fontana di Trevi, she threw in a coin, hoping to come to Roma again the next year. Matt threw in three coins, hoping he’d get married someday [like the sap he is]. Pidge laughed when Matt got pickpocketed here.

She later regretted throwing in her coin, because Matt went missing the next year. Pidge refused to go back to Roma without her whole family there with her.

Pidge didn’t like Capri, mainly because it was so hot, and she got sunburned. She didn’t like going to the beach there after that.

She did enjoy one thing at Capri, and that was a chance to learn to make gelato.

The family was visiting their aunts and cousin in Capri, and they ran a gelato shop.

Pidge and Matt learned from them how to make lemon gelato, and they got very good at it very quickly.

Sometimes they’d even make it at home, because their aunts bought them their own gelato machine. Such generous aunts.

Pidge passed on this knowledge to Hunk, but even he isn’t as good at making it as she is.

One time, Colleen convinced Pidge and Matt that the trailer for Half-Life 3 had come out, and when showed them, she just Rickrolled them with the song, ��Pompeii’ by Bastille.

She Rickrolls them often with this song.

Pidge and her dad once made a video of them reenacting the whole fight scene between Luke and Darth Vader in Cloud City, except completely in Italian.

Pidge got extra credit in her Italian class for this.

Pidge was playing the role of Vader while Sam was Luke.

Matt and Pidge argue all the time over who’s Mario and who’s Luigi.

‘I’M clearly the more popular one between us, Matt, I’M Mario!’

‘You’re too short to be Mario, Katie, he’s like six foot! Haven’t you even watched Game Theory?!’

‘MATPAT ALSO SAID MARIO WAS A SOCIOPATH, MATT, HIS THEORIES ARE FLAWED!!!’

‘HOW DARE YOU SHIT-TALK MY HUSBAND, KATIE!’

It doesn’t matter, both of them suck at Mario Kart compared to Colleen, who plays as Bowser.