#in this house we love laudna and orym flaws and all

[nezanie]

Not getting into the validity of actions in ep95 bec i agree with the cast. It's more complicated and both parties have valid and understandable reactions.

I think I've fallen more in love with Laudna by how human her feelings and trauma as well as the asshole whispering in her ear to push her to make some hurtful choices.

I think her case reflects many relatable human issues. There's the addiction metaphor but to me it also seems to be showing an toxic relationship (with Delilah) and mental disabilities such as anxiety, depression.

Things I found relatable:

A fractured Self esteem: I also think about the how for 30 years Delilah likely groomed her to believe theyre in an equal partnership, shes there to help her keep safe, and she's not Matilda any longer. Delilah gets angry 'matilda is dead' at the mention of her when she sees her control slipping away bec acknowledging matilda means unravelling her biggest connection to her patron.

Trauma burdeneding her is hidden. Ignored. She likely never had a chance to process. She's taken up another name to bury deep the grief of loss that she can't quite run away from because its scared deep into her body and she has become another for many other humans. A hollow one. Deflecting the conversations from desling with her grief has been a laudna thing.

Anxiety. I think she's always felt a step behind the others, she wants to be strong enough to protect Imogen and the others too (Delilah learns this is the way to manipulate her using her big Love and Trust [as Prism put it]for others).

I found it interesting that after Orym took the sword and ignored her calling out to him for his resolve scene she kind of mimicked the way he took it by doing it in secret, no talks or discussions. Some people learn by observing others and incorporate it into how they do things and possibly with extra Delilah pushing her into an isolated bad choice that accidental though it might have been it still HAS hurt her friend and caused a justified lashback (darkness, 5 pts of damage. Thats scary to wake up to.)

Her explanations are her truth but she lack the words to convey the whole truth. She is lost in her own truth and stubbornly holds on. She does have very valid points because shes always been stressed by visual reminders (her reaction being in whitestone is telling). I think she believes SHEs using Delilah bec she probably cannot face the fact she's being puppetted and Delilah is actually a parasitic entity and there is no almost symbiosis in this relationship. I think Laudna is allowed to use tricks Delilah learns but in turn her patron is then she is caging her.

Now more than ever at the height of a meltdown she needs support and she needs to hear that they need Laudna because she has this misguided idea the Bells Hells need Delilah's power. If her abuser could have 30 years to groom her, Laudna should have the chance to have time and patience to combat that heavy a burden because she has yet to be given that chance. She has tp be given the chance to want it and in her particular case theres no wanting it without support.