#indistinguishable and Max can't figure out which longing is good and which is bad

[123pixieaod]

Tried to write a fun little fic about why Daniel unfollowed on Instagram Zak, Michael, Fernando, and Nicki, the most random quartet possible, only to end up with this lol

Daniel finally answers a call at just gone 4.30am, Max's time. It's 5.30am, Daniel's time, which admittedly is only marginally better, but maybe the hospital he's in has some crazy Get-Up-And-Seize-The-Day sort of ethos. Although from what Christian has told him, Daniel might not be seizing anything, metaphorically or otherwise, for some time.

"Daniel," Max says as soon as he hears the line clicking through. "How are you? How do you feel? Is your wrist alright? Do the doctors and nurses take care of you, do they speak English, or did Red Bull send a Spanish translator and I hope I have not woken you up and-"

He cuts himself off. There's a sort of stunned silence on the other side of the line. Sometimes, Max thinks his need for Daniel is a bottomless pit, something that has hollowed him out and leaves an ache echoing through him.

"Max?" Daniel says, incredulous. High, drugged up, gone on pain medication. "How did you get into my phone?!"

Max squeezes his eyes shut. His mouth is twisted, making some shape. A smile, a frown? He doesn't know, nobody can see him in his old childhood bedroom.

He wants to be with Daniel. He wants to brush a hand through his curls and run his fingertips along the lines of his faded tattoos like how a child would first begin to trace letters and numbers.

I miss you, he wants to say

I want you

I need you

"I'm not in your phone," he says instead, tone light and soft. "I called you. I am in the Netherlands."

"Oh," Daniel says, as if the fact Max had not been magically transformed into his phone is mildly disappointing. "What are you doing there?"

"We had a race, remember?" Max says. He's stretched out on his old bed. His feet dangle just slightly off the edge, and each year, he's promised a new one, bigger and larger and finally a grown-up bed. But it never materialises and Max has stopped bringing it up now.

The room is unchanged. Around him, the faces of former racing legends watch him, tapped to his wall. Above, stars look down, stuck to his ceiling in haphazard patterns. The day his father got to play God and created universes and cosmos splayed above his head.

"Of course," Daniel huffs good naturedly. "You won, Maxy."

"I know," Max replies softly.

"It was your ninth consecutive win," Daniel continues, his tone strong and proud, as if it's Daniel who has achieved it. Maybe he's so high on meds he thinks it is, that him and Max are some sort of Jeckyl and Hyde being, two sides of the same life. Max doesn't know. A headache is building behind his eyes. He hasn't really slept since Friday, three days previous.

"You're now equalling Sebastian Vettle. If you win the next race, you'll beat the record." Daniel continues before pausing, as if realisation is only just dawning. "I don't think I'll be there."

"No," Max murmurs. "I don't think you will be either."

"My wrist is really fucked," Daniel goes back to his jubilant tone, like a child with the best show and tell in school. "I have a metal plate in it, isn't that neat?"

He laughs. Max closes his eyes, just listening to the sound. "Imagine if it goes off at every airport security, Maxy? How annoying with that be?" He laughs again, the prospect sounding delightful to him in that very moment.

Max hums softly, and then shifts on the bed, turning away from the stars his father hung up for him. Instead, he moves to his side, facing a giant poster of Micheal Schumacher celebrating one of his championships. At the bottom, Max, to great things! MS. He was six. It was one of the best Christmas presents his dad had ever gotten him.

"How do you feel?" He asks. Daniel is humming a tune under his breath, the theme song to some gameshome Max barely recognises. He stops at Max's question.

"Good," he says happily. "I have gained deep clarity."

That shocks a laugh out of Max, as only Daniel, even doped, drugged Daniel, can do. The longing feels physical, the hole never ending in his chest. He closes his eyes, blocking out the stars and racing legends whose shine has faded and whose records he's now beating.

In another life, he thinks, he would be there. He'd be the first face Daniel would see, the first hand he'd get to hold, the first for nearly everything, just like Daniel had been for Max.

But instead they're a time zone apart and Daniel is alone in a country where he can't even speak the language and Max is in his childhood bedroom, surrounded by his family who are fast sleep and utterly oblivious to the fact he's gay, let alone in a relationship with Daniel Ricciardo.

"Clarity," Max forces his mind back on track. "How so?"

"Oh you know," Daniel says with ease. "Cleared my mental space."

Max huffs another laugh. His chest aches, empty. He wonders does Daniel know how hollowed out he is without him.

"Go on."

"Well, I deleted a shit ton of apps. That wellness app you made me download last year? Sorry Maxy, but that went," Daniel makes a popping noise. "And the fertility tracking app Scotty downloaded at his bachelor's party."

"Presumably he just got his and your phones mixed up, right?"

"No Maxy, it was a prank because I -" Daniel breaks away, finally understanding, laughing as if Max has made the funniest joke possible.

"Okay so you cleared up some space on your phone," Max prompts him.

"Oh yes, and then deleted twitter and went to WhatsApp and left about a billion groups and then I went to Instagram, and went through who I followed, and unfollowed tons of people."

"Oh? Did I make the cut?"

Daniel tutts as if Max is being purposefully dense.

"Naturally Maxy. In fact, I sort of debated unfollowing everyone except you, but then figured you might've been pissed at me."

Max can't tell if Daniel is joking or not. He doesn't know which he wants it to be.

"So firstly I unfollowed a bunch of people I had met years ago at business deals and stuff, and then Craig and Rebecca from school because I never really liked them anyway and they definitely never liked me and then Zak because the vibes were Not It and then my high-school teacher who I definitely only ended up following on a dare and -"

"Zak," Max says, picking out the familiar name in the sea of chatter. "As in Zak Brown?"

Daniel hums. "Yeah, the vibes were Not It. And then I also unfollowed Fernando -"

"Alonso?" Max splutters out another laugh of disbelief. "What on earth did he do to you?"

"I don't like how he acts around you."

"Me?!" Max voice goes up an octave. "What? But he's always nice to me Daniel. I like him."

"I know Max, that's the point," Daniel says, and before Max can even begin to comprehend what he means, he's continuing. "And then also Richard, from McLaren because I swear he used to tell Zak everything I did and then Michael, and then Sam, this old hookup, and -"

"Michael," Max cuts in, sure he's mistaken, "as in ..."

"Yeah," Daniel says after a beat. "That Michael."

Max swallows. Michael has been a constant strain on their relationship, the fly in the otherwise smooth ointment. Max had told Daniel he wasn't good for him, he wasn't looking after him. That friendship and business rarely mixed, and that in this case, it had congealed into something of neither, a strange, interdependent relationship which drained them both.

Daniel had said Max hadn't understood it, hadn't gotten how much Michael helped him, how good it was to have a physico who was also his mate. Max replied by saying that as far as he was concerned, Michael was proving himself to be neither.

Jealousy. That was what Daniel had pinned to him, had washed all rationality away with. Max was jealous.

He remembers feeling like he had been slapped. Jealousy. Fucking jealousy.

He never mentioned Michael again.

"But," Max begins slowly, mind whirling. "You had lunch with him last week." Even though you never mentioned it, even though I had to find out through fans' blurry photos.

"Yeah," Daniel draws the syllable out. "But... the vibes were not immaculate."

"Right," Max says, hating how terse the single word sounds. And the vibes were fine when he encouraged you to do that fucked up intermittent fasting? When he recommended yoga and gym sessions instead of therapy?

"And then I unfollowed Nicky Latifi, because unfortunately, he's going to do a masters in London, and following him online will simply remind me of all the missed possibilities I had in the academic world," he goes on.

"Daniel," Max says, trying to force his mind to move on, Daniel has unfollowed Michael Daniel has unfollowed Michael. "You dropped out of school when you were seventeen. In the most loving of ways, I would hardly call you an up and coming scholar."

"Details, Maxy," he says, but then goes quiet, and so does Max. He opens his eyes. His room is painted in shadows, sunrise still distant. The trophies he won as a child are carefully displayed in neat rows, their plaques opaque with dust, now thick and heavy. He remembers winning them, young and already starving for more, remembers the weight of plastic, the way sugary pop soda dried sticky on his skin.

"I think you were right," Daniel says softly. Max nods, face pressed against his pillow.

"I mean about him. Michael."

"I know who you meant," Max murmurs.

"Okay good, because you're definitely not write about my academic prowess, I was one hundred percent on track to be this world's Stephen Hawkens."

Max laughs softly. "It's Hawking not Hawken."

"Once again Maxy, details."

There's another exhale of quiet between them, and outside Max hears the world beginning to rise. Birds waking, their whistles winding their way through the crack in his window.

"I miss you," he says softly, as if the words are barely permitted to be spoken aloud.

"I love you too Maxy," Daniel replies with ease. Then - "you should come. I think it would be nice. If you were here too."

"I think so too," Max says. The longing grows. The trophies are dusty on his shelf, forgotten. His feet hang off his childhood bed. Birds begin to sing.

"So will you?" Daniel persists. Max squeezes his eyes shut.

"I don't know. I do not think you would be saying this if you weren't off your head on pain meds," he tries to joke. His chest aches. Hollowed out, always wanting more than he's allowed.

"Of course I would," Daniel says confidently, even though he ends it with a yawn. "I anyways want you around."

Max keeps his eyes still tightly shut. He tucks his knees up, bringing them to his chest. When he was very young and his parents were still together, he'd do this. Curl up on the bed with his eyes squeezed closed. The door shut, their shouts muffled; as distant as the bird song is to him now.

"Maxy?"

His sister said the same. Maxy? Climbing on his bed, tugging at his arms. What are they talking about? Nothing, nothing, it doesn't matter.

"How's your wrist?" Max asks. He opens his eyes - the room has grown lighter, dawn finally creeping in.

"Good," Daniel says, already forgotten what he said. Like a butterfly, moving onto the next topic, nothing permanent. "Sore. I'm on some strong shit though." He laughs. It sounds so near.

Max imagines it. He could do it. Book the ticket to Spain. It wouldn't even be that bad. People know him and Daniel are mates, and mates visit each other in hospital. And that's if it even comes out, which it might not. Nobody has to know.

"I love you," he blurts out, cheeks warm. Daniel laughs again, soft and delighted.

"Good, because my right hand is currently out of action, so I might need help over the next few weeks with a few particular things."

Max laughs, cheeks warm. He's not being quiet any more. His family can probably hear him through the walls, just like he could hear his parents all those years ago.

He can imagine his sister asking him, echoing their childhood as she questions him on words she's grasped through walls. This time, though, he thinks he will tell her the truth.

"I've heard Spain is very beautiful at the end of August," he says.

Daniel hums, "I've heard something similar, Maxy."

Outside, birds sing. The dawn continues on, filling the emptiness of night.

[jungshookz]

Ohhh cee pd can't we have a drabble where yoongi is super shy to hold y/n's hand at first and he's just so nervous but eventually he does it and he's just like :)) I don't know which yoongi though...

pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: nonidol!au, a SICKENING amount of fluff, yoongi really likes u but u make him really nervous, you really like yoongi but he makes you really nervous, you two need to get it together   

→ wordcount: 2k

→ note: what a cutie patootie!!! also this gif!!! RADIATES boyfriend energy so i had to use it 

(gif isn’t mine!)

yoongi likes to think of himself as a relatively straightforward guy

if he wants something he just goes for it because life is short and he doesn’t have time to waste

he has people to see and places to go god damNIt 

but uh

for the first time in his life

he is quesTioning himself

all because of (1) y/n y/l/n 

maybe he’s not as cool and confident as he thinks he is

because this is his seventh date with you and he still hasn’t worked up the courage to just reach over and hold your hand

he can’t hold your hand

how ridiculous is that??

and!!!! get this!!!! he hasn’t even KISSED you yet

when he told the boys about it jungkook had the nerve to call him a pussy and yoongi would’ve beat his ass to the ground if it weren’t for the fact that it is completely true

he IS a pussy!!!!!!!! he breaks into a nervous sweat just THINKING about potentially intertwining his fingers with yours

and kissing you?????? that is a recipe for a HEART ATTACK

he’ll deal with the kissing later but for now it’s the hand holding problem

he just can’t understand what’s so difficult about it

what exactly is holding him back from performing this simple task???

he’s sure you won’t mind him holding your hand because you seem to really like him??

after all

you did give him a cheek kiss on your guys’ fourth date and yoongi literally could not go to bed that night because he was up all night grinning in the dark like a literal maniac

the next morning he even greeted the boys good morning which NEVEr happens and jimin was terrified when yoongi offered to whiP up breakfast for them

(“should we call the hospital?? maybe he hit his head last night??” “whO wants another waffle????” “hYung i’m SCARED” )

(maybe it’s just because he doesn’t want to mess things up with you and he doesn’t want you to think he’s moving too quickly because you’re going to end up getting freaked out by his eagerness)

something like that has happened to him in the past

he really liked this girl and tried to kiss her and she immediately got weirded out and was like yo.,.,,.. don’t get it twisted,..,., we’re JUST friends.,.,., and he was like YIKES OKAY SOUNDS GOOD SORRY

and since that horrific experience (it happened a long, long time ago but stiLL) he’s been very cautious when it comes to things of romantic nature

but this is the sevENTH date

five was pushing it but SEVEN is way too far

he had a nice time with you tonight!! so he’s hoping that tonighT he’ll finally do something

if not he’s going to find a way to kick his own ass

you guys went to watch a movie and yoongi was [this] close to pulling the ��i’m going to pretend to yawn and stretch and then put my arm around you’ move but he couldn’t bring himself to do it because a) vERy ballsy and b) ew????? what a gross move

afterwards he took you to this dinky 24/7 breakfast place and you had chocolate chip pancakes for dinner which was amazing

yoongi is not really a chocolate chip pancake kind of guy but he accepted every single bite you offered to him just because on your fifth date when you offered him a bite of your food and he refused you pouted at him

and as cute as that was yoongi did not evEr want to disappoint you ever again

so yes

he will eat a million chocolate chip pancakes if that means you’ll be happy

at one point you managed to get whipped cream on your nose and that made his heart go baDump badump for some reason

and now he’s walking you back to your place

okay so

here is the deal

you really like yoongi

like you really reALLy like yoongi

you have to give props to jimin for introducing you to yoongi

anD you have to give props to jimin for forcing the two of you to go out on that first date even though the two of you expressed your doubts lol

at first you were a little intimidated just because yoongi seemed so.,.,., yoongi-ish

just the complete opposite of you

so quiet

and grouchy

and he seemed to mumble his words a lot

like all first dates it was a little awkward in the beginning because you didn’t know what to talk about and yoongi didn’t know what to talk about and you two kind of filled the air with small talk (“nice weather we’re having lately, hm?” “i hear it’s going to rain tomorrow.” “oh! …that’s too bad.”)

but after yoU knocked over a glass of water onto his lap in the midst of telling him a particularly wiLD story about you and your laundry machine, yoongi ended up telling you about the one time he poured hot soup on jungkook’s crotch in an attempt to reassure you that he was finE even though it did look like he fully pissed his pants

and that was kind of the ice breaker??

eventually you two warmed up to each other you realised that you two actually got along really well

so you went out on a second date

and then a third

and then a fourth

and eventually a fifth

everything about him makes u happy

from the way that he scrunches his nose when he’s thinking hard about something to the way that his liSp comes out from time to time when he’s speaking very passionately about something (his lisp is SO cute)

you’re just

you’re not sure if he feels that way about you

which is kind of a bummer

you mustered up every bit of courage you had to give him that kiss on the cheek and since then he hasn’t really reciprocated anything similar to that so you haven’t pushed it just in case he doesn’t feel that way

he hasn’t brought it up at all

but maybe it’s just because he’s being polite and doesn’t want to embarrass you

anyways

it’s all good

if he just wants to be friends you can deal with that!!

you’re happy as long as you get to spend time with yoongi

yoongi purses his lips in thought as he looks down in between the two of you

your hand is swinging back and forth and so is his

what if he just…

his hand brushes over yours ever so gently and he feels a little zAp

yoongi immEdiately pulls his hand back and stuffs it into the pocket of his jacket

noPE he’s not going to do it

thank god you didn’t seem to notice

you’re still blabbing about the nature documentary you’ve been watching on netflix

he really doesn’t understand your infatuation with nature documentaries because he thinks they’re the most boring things to watch in the entire world

but he’s pretty grateful for it at this moment because you seem to be distracting yourself by continuing to blurt out random factoids that you’ve learned

it’s oddly endearing

the way you’ll bring up one fact and then the first fact will remind you of anoTher fact so you move on to the next fact without finishing the first fact (take a shot every time the word fact appears) so yoongi will be like oh ur right it is cute that baby elephants suck on their trunks for comfort- wait rewINd a duck’s penis is shaped like a coRkscreW?????

he won’t lie

he thought you were kind of dorky at first anD he thought you guys would only go out on like two dates maX even though he thought you were super cute when you were introduced to him for the first time

but you continued to surprise him and he likes that about you

you’re just so unapologetically you and he really admires that

he just can’t quite seem to figure out why it’s you in particular who’s got him feeling this waY and who’s got him acting like a little WIMP

“and, get this - the fingerprints of a koala are so indistinguishable from humans that they have on occasion been confused at a crime scene.” you snort and shake your head before turning to glance at yoongi “can you imagine that????? putting a koala in handcuffs???” you titter and yoongi feels the corner of his lips twitch up in a fond smile “droP the eucalyptus leaves and put ur hands up where i can see em” you imitate a police officer and point a finger gun at yoongi and he snorts in response before playing along and raising his hands

a beat of silence goes by as the two of you continue your trek down the sidewalk

“what else did you learn?” yoongi nudges you with his elbow

you know what

he’s going to have to do it sooner or later

he just really reaLLY wants to hold your hand and he knows that if he overthinks it he’s going to freak himself out and continue putting it off

also

he doesn’t want jungkook to keep calling him a little BITCH

“mm… let me think…” you purse your lips in thought as the two of you approach the crossing light

yoongi smiles when he sees your eyes suddenly ligHT up with glee

“ah!!!! sea otters hold hands to keep from floating away from each other. isn’t that the cuTest???” you coo at the thought “one time at the zoo i-“

all of a sudden

yoongi reaches over and grasps your hand in his

his fingers intertwine with yours and he squeezes gently

something about this just feels right

your hand feels like it belongs in his  

hm

he could get used to this

your heart drops to your stomach when yoongi suddenly reaches down to grasp your hand and suddenly your brain short circuits

you swallow thickly

and then it hits you

he- he’s holding your hand

you guys are holding hands 

IT’S HAPPENING

NOBODY PANIC

ok

be cool

just continue talking

it’s not a big deal

you guys are just holding hands

.,,.,.friends don’t casually hold hands

but boyfriends and girlfriends hold hands

o god

okAY BE COOL yOU’RE FINE WE’RE GOOD 

you were saying something

something about the zoo

well

this is a good thing!!!!!!!

thank goD he made a move because you were starting to get worried that you were edging closer and closer to the friend zone

you have been there before and it is not the most pleasant of places

you can’t help but wonder if your hand is clammy or not

you really hope it isn’t

there’s no way to tell because your entire body has gone n u m b

you blink down at your guys’ hands one more time before looking up at yoongi

yoongi shrugs nonchalantly and raises your guys’ hands a little “so you won’t float away from me when we cross the street.”

you chew on the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from literally SCREAMIng

he is so cuTE :-(((((

he squeezes your hand again and you find yourself stepping a little closer to him

yoongi bites back a smile and watches as a car goes past

the light changes from red to green and he tugs you along

“you got another fact for me?” he turns to glance at you briefly and you hum lightly

“male penguins gift female penguins a smooth pebble to show affection”

“i guess i’m going to have to find you a pebble sometime soon, hm?”

(you and yoongi share your first kiss a mere ten minutes later so it’s safe to say that yoongi’s making good progress.)

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