#instead i am stuck in anxiety loop about whether it's pointless to even apply to these places

[astriiformes]

Current fear that has lodged deep into my soul: Everyone keeps reassuring me that it's not impossible to get accepted into PhD programs without first doing a Master's, and I want to trust them. But when I actually go and look at grad student profiles at the schools I'm applying to, they almost all have M.As or the equivalent. One of the professors I was interested in working with even outright told me that I should look into getting an M.A. first.

I cannot afford an M.A. -- I am the sole provider for both myself and my very disabled partner who cannot work. It's PhD or bust, and I'm very scared I'm wasting my time applying for these programs. And that I may be locked out of a career path I'd really love entirely because I don't have the money for it.