#is it rude to say ive been learning spanish but when I try to speak i start speaking french

[calqkey]

my sun and stars

[oddmeu]

I’m coming back home tomorrow

[annoyedlord]

Same anon here;

The talking really fast I can relate to. I’ve been told numerous times to repeat myself because I talk way to quick, scramble words and say nonsense between sentences. And I thought French people being mean was a stereotype, and omg i can’t believe they’re so mean!! So they’re mean if you don’t know French and if you don’t know English they’re mean AS WELL?!? Also, English is a very difficult language, there’s so many stupid words and nonsense, it’s a wonder so many people speak it.

Btw I’m also insecure about my English, sometimes it may come out butchered because I think no matter how much I try I’ll always have an accent with it? I also get insecure because I stumble between words way more in English than in Spanish (I would call it stuttering but I don’t think that’s the right term). And changing between languages is totally normal (when one speaks Spanish and English in the same sentence it’s called Spanglish. It’s so common they made up a word for it)

So, hey! You’re not alone! And my promise for hunting still stands :)

Oh dear French people are RUDE, especially Parisians (they’re the worsts, we all hate parisians, even parisians hate parisians), if you don’t speak French, they’ll mock you, if you don’t speak English, they’ll mock you, if you do speak English, they’ll mock you. The fuck? But as soon as you walk away from Paris you might find less rude people. (Ive a theory that if you live in Paris you get a +10 bonus in rudeness)

Spanglish oh to the unholy, it’s so cute 😭! We have Franglais for when you speak French and English at the same time!! I relate to your words, and I give you all my encouragement for the learning!!! You’ll kick their asses with your accent who’s splendid!

[jolie-auletta]

Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!! 

[otakurandomness]

Get to know me tag~ yaaay i actually got one of these

Tagged by: the strong and amazing @shadydreamerdonut xD

Tagging: hmmmm ofc i gotta tag you @toxininmyveins gotta annoy you cuz why not? lol and @crisokrock , @hime-af-baka , @11fedoras-andcounting @dianechronicles, @yolky206, @hampterfluffinshire, and @kawaiianimefangirl33 and really anyone who wants to, and also srry if im bothering ya you dont gotta if you dont wanna, its just for fun lol ah kay here we go

Rules: Bold statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo (will be geting one soooon x] )

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people (half true cuz i suck at talkin to ppl i dont know well lol but really i wish i wasnt)

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well (hell ya we aint true friends if i cant playfully call you names xD)

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (on fleek lol)

There is something I would change about my personality (wish i was more of an ambivert, but hey want can ya do?)

ABILITY:

I can sing well (im trying to work on that and i actually practicing lol lets hope i get it)

I can play an instrument (piano a lil)

I can do over 30 push ups without stopping (ha nah)

I’m a fast runner (i’ve been told i am but that just cuz i got long legs, my stamina is shit hahaha xD)

I can draw well (I think so, im pretty happy with the improvements ive been through the years but it still not what i wish it was)

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head (hell nah)

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (eh sometimes but i suck lol)

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in was in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing (dam straight i do)

Fandoms are my #1 passion

I do or have done martial arts (when i was like a kid tho lol)

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss (*cough*otaku*cough*lmao)

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country (i fuckin wish)

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know (im working on that doing okay so far)

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship (eh wat can i say gotta feel strong for person before it gets there i guess *shrugs*)

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them (pfffftttt never but someone told a guy i like how felt does that count? lol)

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend 

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling (Have two, lil sis and a big bro)

I live in the United States 

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone (finally after 3yrs lol)

I have at least 15 CDs

I share my room with someone ( i dont got a room lol)

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair (i want tooo)

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (not rn be earlier)

I have punched someone in the past week (my bro, cousin, my best friends, lol only gently with love i promise) 

I know someone who has gone to jail (still in jail sadly, i miss you tio)

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today (actually yeah i did hahaha xD)

I know what I want to do with my life (dont how ill do it tho but im getting there)

I speak at least 2 languages (i understand some spanish but not enough to say i can speak sadly)

I have made a new friend in the past year (hmmm i dont thiiink so? maybe lol)

[tackyink]

Okay. OKAY.

...

*deep breath*

SO. This is rather short and probably won’t make much sense on its own, but that’s why I’m posting it here. Other reasons are that it’s rather personal, that it isn’t going to be regularly updated and that apparently somebody came up with a similar idea and posted it just this week. What were the chances? Anyway. There’s more poorly written stuff that I need to redo before sharing. This is @luckystarchild‘s fault, by the way. Go read her fanfiction if you haven’t yet.

If this were the last day of your life, my friend Tell me, what do you think you would do then?

I’d always liked September.

I’ve always associated it with new beginnings. The start of the school year and the hope that it would be better than the last. New books and pencils. It was the month when the unbearable summer heat died out, when I met two of my best friends, when I changed schools after ten years in the same place, when I cut my hair short willingly for the first time, when I got my first real job after a drought of two years right after college.

Septembers gave me hope for change, and I’d learned long ago that I didn’t know how to live without it.

I was twenty-eight and hoping for another change. Anything would have been welcome at that point – getting fired, switching jobs, moving to another country – as long as it got me out of the hole. But of all the things I wished would happen, death wasn’t even at the bottom of the list.

I rather liked being alive. That was why I didn’t take to kindly to dying.

Or, more precisely, to my body dying.

I had joked a million times with my friends about going to the Spirit World when I eventually kicked the bucket. It didn’t happen, of course, because the Spirit World isn’t a thing in our world, but things didn’t go according to plan, exactly.

I wouldn’t know the mechanism of what had happened until years down the line, but I should start this story from the beginning. The moment where the wheel of fate got jammed and began revolving backwards for me, so to speak.

It was early morning, and I was heading to my work at a small marketing company located at the posh part of the city.

The rain was coming down hard that day, but I didn’t mind. It made the trek up from the subway station more pleasant.

My workplace was on a crossing of a long street with lots of transit during the day. Pedestrians and drivers alike, most hailing from that same district and on their way work, lived by the motto, ‘Screw traffic signs, I have money.’

Just on that street, I had witnessed two accidents during the last year and heard about another one. One I saw from the balcony of my office, where a biker got stuck under a truck. My coworkers and I never found out if he survived, because the paramedics rushed to the scene and blocked it from view with tarp screens. Just a few months prior, a pedestrian had been hit by a car and died at the opposite end of the street. And another time, as I made my way to the office, I saw a car turn from the wrong lane and hit a biker that flew, along with his vehicle, just a meter from me. Had it happened five seconds later, I would have been caught up in it as well. The biker wasn’t gravely injured, but he told me as we waited for the ambulance that it wasn’t the first time the same exact thing happened to him on that street.

It checked out. I’d nearly been run over three times, on a crosswalk just a bit further down, by bikers that took a turn in the wrong direction to park. Nobody seemed to think that traffic rules applied to them.

So I was always extra careful when walking up that street, never standing too close to the edge of the sidewalk, remembering daily how close I had been to getting a motorbike to the face.

It happened on that same crossing, precautions and all.

I was waiting for the light to turn green as cars drove by, looking at my now wet sandals and legs, and I didn’t have time to register what happened next before it was too late. A car turned from the wrong lane, again, and in order to avoid a crash, it swerved to the right at the last second.

The road was slippery from the rain and the oil. I saw the car skidding towards me in slow motion, blinding lights, heard the sound of brakes and screams and smelled the burnt rubber and the dirty water as I fell. I cried in pain and hit the pavement, acutely aware of the yelling of the witnesses and the blood seeping through my skirt. My head ached like it never had, and I remember thinking that at long last something had managed to crack it. I tried to move and failed.

I heard people talking to me, blurs in motion before my unfocused eyes, but I was quickly losing consciousness, and this time it didn’t feel like the other times I had passed out. But as always, no matter how much I tried to fight it, my body was firm in its decision to shut out, and I was helpless as I felt my eyes close and the world go black.

There was no light, no movie reel of my life, no gates to Heaven or Hell or anybody to pick me up, only the sensation of being pulled out, forcibly removed.

And then, I woke up.

At first, I thought it had all been a dream.

Then I felt a dull pain on the back of my head, and I winced at the ceiling lights when I tried to open my eyes. I heard sounds of people moving and people talking around me, but I was in a haze until I was able to focus my eyes.

I was in a hospital room, which meant I hadn’t died. There was an IV attached to my hand that I tried not to look at because it made me queasy, but that, along the headache and a slight pain on my hip, were the only signs that I had been in an accident. It hadn’t been as bad as I thought. Death cheated once again, I could add that one to my Tumblr list.

I looked at the people in the room. An Asian family that I assumed was visiting another patient, and a nurse and a doctor, Asian as well.

I wondered where my parents were, but maybe they had gone outside or they hadn’t had time to come yet. I didn’t think much about it until the doctor began talking to me in Japanese. I caught something about waking up, but my Japanese wasn’t exactly great and I was too groggy to decipher what was being said to me.

“I don’t understand,” I replied in Japanese, a thankfully ingrained response after years of lessons.

The doctor seemed confused. He said something else.

“I don’t understand what you are saying,” I repeated.

He frowned at my reply while the man and woman behind him stared at me with concern. There was also a little kid sitting in a corner of the room. He had stark black curly hair, a face peppered with freckles, and beady black eyes framed by thick glasses. Clutching a book he had been reading, he watched me with obvious interest.

The doctor took out a small lantern from his pocket and checked my pupils. He barked something at a nurse and the woman left the room in a hurry, then returned his attention to me. He checked my neck and my head, asked if they hurt. I said I had a headache. I felt proud of remembering the specific word for headache, too.

“Do you only speak Japanese?” I asked him as he ran his tests. “English? Spanish?”

The adults in the room shared alarmed looks. The doctor asked the man and woman something, and they denied it and launched into an unsure explanation. I didn’t get what was so strange about what I had said. As far as I was concerned, the weird thing was being spoken to in Japanese as if I had to know it. It was pure luck that I’d been studying the language for most of my twenties.

I let out a tired sigh, already knowing the answer to my question, and resigned myself to waiting until somebody saw fit to call someone I could communicate with.

A high-pitched, self-assured voice spoke up in English. “I do.”

My eyes flicked to the kid. I had never felt so much gratitude towards one in my entire life, of that I was sure.

“Thank God! What’s going on? Where am I?”

He blinked, looking thoughtful, and for a moment I feared he hadn’t actually understood, but my worries were unfounded. “You were involved in a traffic accident yesterday,” he said. “The paramedics tended to your wounds at the scene and brought you to the hospital, but you went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance and have been comatose until now.”

I noticed the kid avoided looking at me when he spoke, and that he was using some big words for someone his age. I had been that kind of kid, too, but from an adult perspective I understood how out of place it sounded. His English was also better than mine, which could have been mildly ego-puncturing in a different situation, but I was too busy feeling relief to think about that.

He said I’d been in an accident and fallen unconscious. That matched what I remembered. What I still didn’t understand was who were these people and why were they here, getting all wound up over me instead of my family. I had to ask.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?”

The kid, who until then had regarded me like I was a rat lab in the middle of an experiment, faltered. The man and woman stared at me with alarm.

The doctor said, slowly, maybe hoping that I wouldn’t have so much trouble understanding, “You don’t know them?”

The way he asked, expressionless, coupled with the shock of the other people in the room, made me finally realize that something was very wrong and I hadn’t grasped what it was. “No.”

The woman covered her mouth with a hand to hide a gasp, and the man beside her didn’t know whether to look at me or at the doctor.

The doctor asked something that I only vaguely understood as relating to me. When I didn’t reply, the woman approached my bed and asked me, teary-eyed. “Do you remember us, Satori?”

The words took a few seconds to sink in. I turned them around and around, trying to find an alternate meaning that I wasn’t catching. I didn’t. Who was Satori? They had confused me with someone else, though how they had managed it boggled the mind. I’d had my ID on me when I got hit by the car, and I was whiter than mayo on wonder bread.

I felt incredibly awkward when I spoke. “I am not Satori.”

Her face changed as if I slapped her. She broke into sobs, and the man that accompanied her put an arm around her shoulders and tried to comfort her. I felt awful. Meanwhile, the doctor, who appeared to be quite composed, told me, “Your name is Satori. These are your parents, and this is your brother Yu.”

They were all looking at me, waiting for my reaction.

“You’re wrong,” I tried scrambled to say my mangled Japanese. “I don’t know them. I am not Satori.”

The doctor listened, but there was no reaction on his part, too lost in his own thoughts to reply. I was sure that if I paid enough attention, I’d hear the wheels in his mind turning.

The nurse came back with another one, the doctor said something to them, and then he said to me something, that, again, I didn’t understand. The nurses got to work and drove my bed out of the room while the doctor stayed behind to talk to the family.

My family, I’d soon learn.

This was a mistake so gross that it was difficult to believe. How on earth had been those people able to confuse me with their daughter?

Every person I came across in the hospital was Japanese as well. The only explanation I could find, however feeble it was, was that I was in a private hospital that catered to Japanese expats. It didn’t make any sense, but neither did the whole situation.

I went through a scanner, several physical examinations and a blood extraction during which I managed not to pass out with great difficulty. I let myself get carted around, since nobody was listening to me and nothing that was being done to me seemed dangerous, but I was at a complete loss for what was happening until I asked a nurse to go to the bathroom, and she brought me to one in a wheelchair.

I noticed something off as soon as I got up from the chair and started walking, but I attributed it to the after effects of the accident, the painkillers and the overall weirdness of the day.

I caught sight of a reflection out of the corner of my eye.

I hadn’t even meant to use the mirror, but when it happened, I had to turn and stare, because for a second I thought I’d imagined what I saw in it.

The person staring back at me was a young girl with wavy black hair past her shoulders, parted by a white bandage stained in brown-red, dark brown eyes, and a face full of dark freckles.

I moved, and she did as well.

I felt my chest constrict, my breath shorten, and my heart accelerate as an all familiar pain burst inside of it. I saw the girl go deathly white in the reflection as a cold sweat covered my body – her body – from head to toe. I’d never suffered a full blown panic attack until that day, but there was a first time for everything, it seemed.

Even swapping bodies with a teenage girl.

[krysrawfiggs]

1-154

1.Full name:Krysten Alexandra Figueroa but you will reffer to me as Krysfiggs

2.Zodiac sign:Im a cusp baby born as the day changed. I am a leo/virgo

3. 3 Fears:Spiders, being alone forever, my fam disowning me for being gay

4. 3 things I love:Being surrounded by awesome people, video games, outdoor activities

5. 4 turns ons:Firey passion, neck biting, n eyes.. its always the eyes, n intelligence

6.4 turns offs: Lack of intelligence, if youre rude in general, if youre clingy, lack of understanding n compassion

7. My best friend:I have a coupleNadia, amanda, n bree (when shes not being an idiot)

8. Sexual orientation:Lezzzzzzzzbbbbiiiiannnnnnnnn

9. My best first date:So far going out into town in the middle of a rainstorm running dancing n dickin round and then showing up soaked n eating at friendlys

10. How tall am I:Im 5'5"11. What do I missNot paying bills

12. What time were I born:12am on the dot

13. Favourite colour:I like deep colors. I used to say deep blue but i do love red n grey too

14.Do I have a crushXD maybe! Ok yea. I do. But i aint tell you.

15. Favourite quoteGod theres too many…

16.Favourite placePuerto rico

17. Favourite foodGawd this is hard ok. I have the soul of a very very fat man. If i had to pick one thing…itd have to be my moms pernil (pork shoulder)

18. Do I use sarcasmNever im a sweetheart😆

19. What am I listening to right nowEvie- last dinosaurs

20.First thing I notice in new personEyesss…eyess…eyess…….!

21.Shoe size822. Eye colourBrown anytime of dayGold in the sun

23.Hair colourBlack as the normBrownish in the sunlightBlue when its overcast

24.Favourite style of clothingandrogynous 25. Ever done a prank call?Yup i bothered the fuck outta kymmie for months before i gave myself up xD

26.What colour of underwear I’m wearing now? Burgandy See thru lace

27. Meaning behind my URLWelp minus the word raw its just my name. If my father didnt delete my 1st blog and of someone in asia didnt take my old username right after it wouldnt be as stupid.

28. Favourite movieToo many brahhh

29. Favourite song

30.Favourite bandBloc party, last dinosaurs, split milk society

31.How I feel right nowHorngry n lonely. Lusting for warm weather and beach weather

32.Someone I love.In what context?

33.My current relationship statusSingle af

34.My relationship with my parentsCurrently ok..

35. Favourite holiday Hmm i dont have one

36.Tattoos and piercings?I have average ear piercings But i want a lip ring n a tatoo of leo n virgo fighting inside of the sun ony shoulder

37.Tattoos and piercing i wantWhoops jumped the gun. Please refer to 36

38.The reason I joined TumblrMy friends at the time

39.Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nope we’re cool

40. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used too from my so. But now its just my good friend manny

41.Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Hmmm no

42. When did I last hold hands?Non romantically:I held hands with my lil sister cuz she doesnt know how to cross a freggin road without getting hit by a car! But romantically: its been over a year and a half.

43. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10mins

44.Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?Its been a good 6/7 months. Im at man status rn

45.Where am I right now? Trapped on a bus with zombies from nyc somewhere on the way to newburgh

46.If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? In oswego it would be chance. Here.. idk it hasnt happend.. but my best bet would be nadia

47.Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Both. Depends where i am

48.Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Yes. Please dont ask how its going. Its not well.

49.Am I excited for anything?Yes. The 3 day weekend

50.Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?No i only have 2 chill male friends

51.How often do I wear a fake smile?Often enough

52.When was the last time I hugged someone?That would be last sunday i hugged holly. We went for a movie and a bite n caught up since inhavent seen her in 5ever

53.What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?Its w/e as long as you happy n your not like eating face

54.Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Yea

55.What is something I disliked about today?Evelyn being passive agressive towards me. Makes me uncomf. But i could care less.

56.If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Rebecca sugar

57. What do I think about most? Its gonna be one of 3 things, women, video games, food

58. What’s my strangest talent?I can get really creepy really fast. Iv been told to try out to be villians or serial killers in movies

59.Do I have any strange phobias?Spiders

60.Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both

61. What was the last lie I told?

62.Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Im old skool ill show up at your house ;) jk phone so no one can see this akward mess

63.Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Yes

64.Do I believe in magic?Yes

65. Do I believe in luck? Yes

66.What’s the weather like right now? Bloody cold

67. What was the last book I’ve read? Allegiant

68. Do I like the smell of gasoline?Addicted

69. Do I have any nicknames?Krys, elmo, jesus

70. What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I have 12 stiches on my thumb both for cuts by blades oh n the one time i was going down a mt. On my longboard n i fell and got the worst road rash on my ass.

71. Do I spend money or save it?Both

72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue?No

73. Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Idts?

74.Favourite animal?Otter

75. What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Hehhhh better not say

76. What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Idfk

77.What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Anything fr the last dinosaurs

78. How can you win my heart? Compassion understanding and a drive no one else has.

79.What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Im not gonna be burried.

80. What is my favourite wordOogle

81. My top 5 blogs on tumblr Ill answer later

82.If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83.Do I have any relatives in jail?Yes

84.I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Speed

85.What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Feelings are a tough subject

86. What is my current desktop picture? An image from second son

87. Had sex?Why yes i have

88.Bought condoms?Nopes

89.Gotten pregnant? Nopes too gay for that shit90. Failed a class?Several

91. Kissed a boy? Yep im not a gold star lezzy no more

92. Kissed a girl? Many

93.Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes. Im super cheesey i do things like that all the time

94.Had job?I have a job95.Left the house without my wallet?Keys and liecensexD

96. Bullied someone on the internet? Nope

97.Had sex in public? Yes

98. Played on a sports team? Several

99. Smoked weed? Yasss

100. Did drugs? Ive tried some shit

101. Smoked cigarettes? Never now thats nasty

102. Drank alcohol? Yes

103. Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Never

104. Been overweight?yes

105. Been underweight?yes

106. Been to a wedding?yes

107. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Days

108. Watched TV for 5 hours straight? When i was younger

109. Been outside my home country?yes

110. Gotten my heart broken? Many times

111.Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112. Broken a bone? Do Teeth count?

113. Cut myself? Not on purpose

114. Been to prom? Unfortunaly. Thats an akward story. If i didnt go i coulda stayed in puerto rico longer. But nooo joe had to ask my parents…

115. Been in airplane? Yes

116. Fly by helicopter? No. But ive been in some heavy duty military air craft

117. What concerts have I been to?Walk the moon, in hs i saw i see stars mega concert there were like 20 bands there idr them all, versaemerge, dragonforce

118.Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Yeaaa im megagay

119.Learned another language?I can fully understand spanish. But i cant speak it.

120. Wore make up? Im alergic to eyeliner xD

121.Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yes

123. Had oral sex? Yes.😍

124.Dyed my hair?Ive never dyed my hair

125.Voted in a presidential election? Yes both times for obama♡ . n fuck you, you lil orange dicked cheeto (donald trump)

126.Rode in an ambulance?Yes i did when i sliced my thumb deep with an exacto and was bleeding everywhere

127. Had a surgery?No

128. Met someone famous? Yes i have i met that guy from “what would you do” when i was staying in maryland. Also i stick around after theater shows and concerts to meet the actors, performers, and musicians

129.Stalked someone on a social network?Guilty

130. Peed outside?Um who hasnt?

131. Been fishing?Yes. Anyone wanna join me this spring?

132. Helped with charity? Yea every 3 weeks i participate in a soup kitched in poukipsee with my siblings and my cousins.

133. Been rejected by a crush?I have unfortunate luck.

134. Broken a mirror? Haha yea i did once

135. What do I want for birthday? Id love to go somewhere amazing and warm with awesome people. If im dating someone id love to actually have a birthday kiss. #neverhadoneonmybirthday

136.How many kids do I want and what will be their names?By kids you mean dogs? N id have all of them. Theyd have really crude/harsh spanish names.

137.Was I named after anyone?No but krysten means follower of chridtXD

138.Do I like my handwriting? Sometimes

139. What was my favourite toy as a child? Why it was my stuffy scooby doo

140.Favourite Tv Show? Gawd theres so many. But steven universe👌🖒

141.Where do I want to live when older?Puerto rico when i hit the lotto

143. Play any musical instrument? I can play the trumpet, the recorder, basic drum beat, and im learning the uke

144.One of my scars, how did I get it?Sliced my thumb with a woodcutter one year. Then the next year same thumb with a brand new exacto. Landed me in the hosp 2ice total 12 stiches

145.Favourite pizza toping? Extra cheese

146.Am I afraid of the dark? Sometimes. Im more worried bout the it under the bed that comes out when you dont have sheets on.

147.Am I afraid of heights?No. In my stage craft class i was the only one who wasnt scared of heights they sent me high up to work on stuff they also sent me 60ft up to the grid too 😎

148.Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes and i had my ass handed to me on a silver platter several times.

149.Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes. All the time.

150.What I’m really bad atBeing social. Talking to girls. Drawing.

151.What my greatest achievements are. Being the first to graduate college.

152.The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meYou should see the list of stuff my parents have told me since i was little. Its a little too awful to put on here.

153.What I’d do if I won in a lottery. Top secret Plans back the fuck up

154. What do I like about myself Um my bed head. Idk

155.My closest Tumblr friend Haha nadia

156.Something I fantasise about my exTisk tisk ladies n gents we shouldnt be reopening wounds like this. *points finger n shakes it like a noodle*