#isat age regression

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

my third of four pieces for @agerezine !!

don’t forget to check out the whole thing 🤍

[melicious-compliance]

Going Forward, Going Back - Chapter 10: Keep Cool

Siffrin wakes up from his nap and lies about being regressed.

⚠: Diaper change

ⓘ This is a post-canon fic. However, it is not tagged as spoilers except for when there are direct references. Read at your own discretion.

Your eyes open, bleary and tired. There's something soft and fuzzy in your arms... Oh, right. Mr. Grizz. You remember now.

You sit up, and your body feels tired. (One of those days, then... You've occasionally had days like this ever since... escaping. All that Craft really drained your body, or so the doctors said.) As part of your wake-up ritual, you make a closed fist and extend your little finger and thumb, putting them to your mouth and ear. You think really, really hard about talking to Loop...

...Nothing. Well, you're not surprised.

(Oh. Wait.) You peek under the covers, and... yep. There's still a diaper around your waist. (So... you didn't just imagine it. Regressing doesn't affect your memory. Good to know.) You don't feel as small as you did earlier, but strangely, it's still comforting.

Pulling the covers aside, you realize you don't know where your pants are. It doesn't much looking to find them, but it's still awkward. As you pull them on (with only a little fumbling), you remember. The diaper. Um. (How do you take it off...?)

Just then, Mirabelle comes through the door. "Oh! Siffrin, you're awake!" Looking you up and down, she says, "Oh, should I... Should I come back later?"

"No!" you cry, dropping your waistband from your right hand to reach toward her. She turns back around and looks at you, hand still on the doorknob. Her eyes a little wider than before. (Um.) "I don't... wanna be alone right now."

She leaves the door, coming to your side. "Then I'll stay," she says. "Are you okay?"

You nod.

"Good. And, are you... Um, did you...?" She glances down at the diaper, and—(Oh, she's asking that. At least you're not the only one who finds it awkward.)

Looking down, it hits you for the first time that you don't actually know. It doesn't feel wet, but... You shrug for an answer.

Mirabelle takes a longer look at it, crouching down for a better view. "Well, the indicator is still there. Looks like you're still dry!"

"Indicator?"

She nods. "The wetness indicator. Didn't you read the pamphlet?"

You... skimmed it, at least. Better not say that.

Mirabelle shakes her head teasingly. (She can probably tell.) She explains, "That line down the middle is the wetness indicator. It fades when the padding is wet. That is, um... when you've used it."

(Oh.)

"Um, but! It's still there, which means you didn't. Or..." She taps a finger on her lower lip. "Well, I guess you could've, if it was just a little?"

Your hands fidget with each other. You don't pay much attention to them, though. "I did use the bathroom before..."

She nods enthusiastically. "True! So... do you want to take it off now?"

...Not really. It's comfortable, soft, snug... and it makes you feel safe. (It'd probably be too weird if you said you wanted to keep it on, though. You're not supposed to be like this.) You answer, "Y... Yeah."

"Okay. And, how you feeling? Age-wise." Guiding you to the foot of the bed, she says, "Lie down, please."

Lying down, you answer, "I'm feeling fine."

She takes a pack of wipes from the bags beside the bed, placing it beside you. "Mhm... And how old is 'fine'?"

(Oh, you... You have to actually give her an age.) "Um..." You try to think. How old do you feel? How old did you feel earlier? How... You can't think, you don't know, you don't know, you—

Mirabelle puts a hand on your shoulder. "You don't have to have a number. Just be vague if you need to."

Okay. You breathe in, and out. (You feel like a kid, still. Maybe Bonnie's age. But you can't tell her that.) You take a breath. "I feel... um... normal?"

Undoing the top tapes, she asks, "So, an adult?"

You nod. (Maybe you did promise to be honest about your feelings. But... this is different.)

"Okay. Then you probably really want to be out of this thing, huh?" (No, but...) With the diaper untaped, she opens it up and takes a wet wipe from the pack, cleaning off the remaining powder on you. (Chilly!) Mirabelle giggles at your little shiver, and you try to hold back a giggle of your own.

She has the diaper off pretty quickly, taking your underwear from the floor and sliding them up your legs. You don't point out that she didn't have to do that.

"Okay!" she says, clumsily balling up the diaper. "I'll take care of... this, while you get dressed the rest of the way."

Nodding your agreement, you watch her head back to the bathroom and disappear inside. (Well, no reason to wait.) Hop off the bed, step into your pants, and pull them up. Put your belt on, pull it tight, buckle it. Your grip feels a little weak, but it doesn't stop you. "Hey, Mirabelle?" you ask as she exits the bathroom. "Where's my cloak?"

"In the wardrobe."

You go over and take your cloak out, swinging it around you. The pins aren't that hard. Your fingers only slip once, giving you a little prick.

Oh.

Well. It's just a little prick. It's not even bleeding. To make your point you wipe your finger over it, and no blood trails from it.

...See? Fine.

Alright. You've got your clothes on, and your cloak on, you're all set! No problems at all. You definitely didn't just feel yourself get even smaller, no way.

(That's a lie and you know it. Stars, how are you gonna hide this from Mira...)

"Hey!" Mirabelle says behind you. You spin around to face her. "Ready for dinner?"

You blink. "Whuh?"

"That's why I came to wake you up in the first place. Aren't you hungry?" Your rumbling stomach betrays the lie you were about to tell, making Mirabelle laugh softly behind a hand. "I guess that's a yes! Come on, Bonnie made soupe au pistou and rice bowls."

[babyfriends]

little!siffrin (in stars and time) moodboard!

requested by my partner ☆

[itty-bitty-bunbun]

Siffrin-inspired (left) and Loop-inspired (right) outfit boards! Had these for a while, dunno why I didn’t post them…

[nebula-chao-agere]

I’m sorry I barely post yall-

But here’s a really bad/rushed drawing/doodle of regressor!Siffrin with caregiver!Mirabelle (platonic) trying to figure out how to explain how to ‘play.’ She knows, the words are just hard, especially when explaining to someone who’s too mentally small to dress themselves. She knows how to play, but finds it hard to lead playing.

I don’t even really like this drawing, but I gotta post methinks

SMALL PROMO!!!

I’m doing commissions for agere drawings or doodles, probably ranging from $5-$20 depending on what you want and my skills. I’m offering digital or on-paper comms! Please message if interested, I’m currently accepting payments through Venmo!

[autistic-bunny]

Age Regression Headcanons for my comfort characters!

(I need some fluffy feels right now and thought I might as well share)

Ingram - Crowscare

-Almost always nonverbal when regressed -Usually pretty sleepy too (associates a sleepy feeling with the headspace) -Loves all sorts of toys, but especially stuffed animals (they all have names and he will be very happy if you remember and address them as such) -Loves picture books -Loves to be read to- but will rarely ask for it -Big cosy sweaters that cover his hands -All the cosy vibes really. Pillow forts, blanket nests, ect. -Loves warm food and drinks(particularly sweet things) -Gets overstimulated easily by lots of contact but loves cuddles when he's in the right mood -Loves repetitive motions, e.g. rocking back and forth, brushing a toy's hair, or playing with most fidget toys -Needs a nightlight to sleep in the dark

Siffrin - In Stars and Time

-Please Disarm them, they are going to hurt themselves -Will never admit when he's regressed but there will be signs -Will happily infodump about space to anyone who will listen -Will also infodump about theatre -Often retreats for alone time when regressed but doesn't mind/secretly wants quiet company -Please give them all of the hugs and physical affection. They are very touch starved. -BIG Smile when happy :D -Often shy but occasionally bold enough to come up to someone while they're sitting and quietly lay his head in their lap like a cat -All of the stimming -Loves running around and looking at Everything -Will ask lots of enthusiastic questions

(That's actually all I got for now but I may return to this with more characters as they occur to me. Thought I had more but turns out most of them are ocs XP)

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

happy @regressuary everyone I hope you were looking for. Smallfrin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63005428

Chapter 1/4

Content warning: mentions of dying [nothing graphic or permanent. Timeloop and all]

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

good morning I have a final update for you :>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63005428

Chapter 4/4

Content warning: spoilers and a Little bit of spiralling BUT it doesn’t go on very long or stay unaddressed like in the other chapters :>

@regressuary

[melicious-compliance]

Going Forward, Going Back - Chapter 11: Dinner

Siffrin attempts to mask while he and the party have dinner.

⚠: No warnings

ⓘ This is a post-canon fic. However, it is not tagged as spoilers except for when there are direct references. Read at your own discretion.

Okay. This is fine. You just have to have dinner with your family, and you’re a little regressed. Mira is leading you down the stairs right now and you need to come up with a plan. Okay! Easy, just stop being regressed!

...Your brain feels... fuzzy, when you try to do that. So that’s a no.

Um, okay, you can just... pretend! Right! (So, how do you usually act? Well... you walk confidently. And you don’t hold anyone's hand.) Casually, you let go of Mira's hand. She briefly turns around and gives you a concerned look, but blessedly, she doesn’t say anything.

(Great! You got that part down! The next thing will probably be your talking. You’re not sure how to make yourself talk normal, so... the best plan is to just keep your talking to a minimum.) No more time for plans. You’re at the door to the dining hall. You swallow. (You got this, Siffrin. You've had plenty of acting experience, this should be no different.)

You follow right behind Mira as you enter the dining hall. There's a few long tables that run the length of the room, but your family reserved the end of the one nearest the door. Looks like Bonbon gathered everything you'll need and set out your food.

The young chef looks over at you. "There you are!" they say, standing on their chair. "I thought you were gonna make us wait til everything got cold."

"Sit down, Boniface," Odile tells them quietly.

Mira comes to your defense. "He was just taking a nap, Bonnie. Don’t blame him for that!" You worry about them fighting, but she sounds lighthearted.

"Yeah, yeah, Frin's a big sleepyhead," Bonbon replies. They're smiling though, so you think it's okay!

You and Mira take your seats, and everyone starts eating, chatting with each other. You look at the dishes in front of you. One bowl of green soup with lumpy green veggies and some other things floating in it, and one bowl of rice with... shiny orange meat...?

"It's chicken!" Bonbon explains. They must've seen you looking at it. "And I glazed it with some special sauce they had here."

"I'sh so good," Isabeau says with his mouth full of it. That makes you laugh.

Okay! You wanna try it! You pick up your fork and—your hand feels a little shaky. (Um. Okay. Just...) Gripping the fork with your whole hand, you stab one of the bits of chicken and get a little rice with it too. You only almost miss your mouth. (Mmm! Yummy!)

"I'ss wreally good!" you tell Isabeau. (Oh, stars. You said. You said it wrong.)

He looks at you a little funny. Or... maybe that's just a normal smile? "It really is!" he agrees, and turns to Bonbon. "Thanks for making it, Bonbon!"

They huff proudly.

Dinner goes on and your family talks with each other. You don’t say much, just eating your rice bowl. You don't really feel like eating the soup. (It looks too weird.) Isabeau asks if you’re gonna eat it, and you shake your head, sliding the bowl towards him. This time, he really does give you a look. But you don't say anything, and neither does he.

Once everyone's done with their food, Mira stands up, on the other side of Isabeau. "Excuse me, everyone?" she says to your table. "I know the plan is to leave tomorrow, but... I've been thinking, and I..." She clears her throat and gives her shoulders a little shake. With more confidence, she goes on, "I think we should stay in Enfen-Ici for a week or two."

"What???" Bonbon asks, shooting up from their chair. "But we gotta get to my sister! Y'know, the whole thing we agreed to stay together for?!?"

"We agreed to stay together for a lot of reasons, Boniface," Odile corrects. "But I am wondering the same thing. We planned to get there as soon as possible."

"I know," Mira says, shrinking a little, "but... Well, we've been pushing ourselves kinda hard... It'd be nice to have some time to not worry about being on the move."

Isabeau nods. "She's got a point."

"Thank you, Isabeau!" Mira nods with him. "And we did send that courier who will get to Bambouche long before us, so Pétronille won't be worried about you."

Bonbon pouts for a little bit. "My legs have been a little tired, I guess," they admit.

"I wouldn't mind the break either," Odile adds. "These old bones aren't what they used to be."

Mira claps. "Great! That's settled then!" She turns to you. "Siffrin, can I have a word with you, in private? It's feelings buddy stuff." Isabeau's concerned face relaxes. (What does she want to talk to you about...?)

As Mira leads you out of the dining hall, you hear Bonnie say, "Hey Dile?"

"Yes, Boniface?"

They hesitate. "What did your bones used to be? Were they not always bones?"

Sadly, you don't get to hear Odile's answer.

Mira looks around, making sure you're alone. "I know all this regression stuff is really new to you. And, honestly, me too."

You nod. "I'ss okay." After a moment, you add, "Yur doin' good."

She smiles faintly. (Yes! You love making Mira happy.) "Thanks, Siffrin. But as I was saying, I know it's really new, so we're staying in town until you can get more used to it."

(Oh.) "Sorry," you murmur.

"It's nothing to be sorry for!" she assures you, taking your hands. "I want to make sure you're comfortable with everything."

(Stars... Mira's so nice...) You can feel tears welling up. "Um... Mira..."

"Is something wrong...?" (You love how warm her hands are.)

You shake your head. "Can... Can I hab a hug...?"

Mira gives you such a deep, loving smile. "Of course, Siffrin." She wraps her arms around you and... (Stars...) You wrap your arms around her, feeling her back, between her shoulders. (She's here. She's holding you. She's with you. She's here.)

"Fank you..." you muffle into her shoulder.

She rubs slow little circles on your back. "Any time." After a few more circles, she asks softly, "You're regressed, aren't you?"

You nod.

"I had a feeling since dinner. I know we'll be sleeping soon, so do you want me to help you get changed...?"

(Changed...?) You pull away and look at her, a little confused.

"...Into a diaper, since you're regressed."

Your face suddenly feels like it's on fire. (Oh. You'd... You'd like it, but... You can't ask for that. You can't. You can't. You can't.) You shake your head really hard. You can't let her know you want it. You can't.

Mira's looking at you, with a slight frown, her eyebrows creased. "Siffrin... I'd never make you do anything you don't want to do." She goes silent. (She doesn't know what to say. You messed up. You did this.) "I just... I don't feel like you're telling me what you do want."

(How did... How does she know.) "I... I dun..."

She purses her lips doubtfully.

"I..." (You can't say it. You can't say it. You can't say it.)

She rubs her thumbs along your shoulders. "Siffrin. Do you want me to help you get changed?"

(You... You can't...) You...

Slowly,

very slowly,

you nod.

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63005428

Chapter 2/4

Content warning: regression suppression, vaguely self harming behaviour, generally Having A Bad Time

@regressuary

[melicious-compliance]

Going Forward, Going Back - Chapter 5: Didn’t Even Realize

The group returns to the inn. Mirabelle helps Siffrin notice something about the way they talk.

⚠: Mild panic and confusion

ⓘ This is a post-canon fic. However, it is not tagged as spoilers except for when there are direct references. Read at your own discretion.

It's a quiet walk back to the inn. You don't mind though, it gives you plenty of time to look around. The buildings here are mostly two or three stories tall, it's so much bigger than Dormont. Kinda makes you feel small. Not that you don't already—

(Don't think about that.)

"So, what did you two get up to?" You jump at Odile's question. (She shouldn't startle you like that.)

"Oh, you know," Mirabelle says awkwardly. "Ssssssstuff."

"Huh." Odile clearly doesn't buy it. "And how did your 'stuff' go? Siffrin?"

You look away, a little worried. If she sees your face, she'll know you're hiding something. She hates when you hide things. "Um, it... It went well." You drop behind the two of them, hoping she won't be able to see you there.

Odile looks between the two of you. (So much for not being seen.) The only sound she makes is a single "Hmm."

Mirabelle glances at you. "Uh—what about you, Madame Odile?" She points to the books Odile has. "What did you find?" (Nice subject change.)

"Oh, not much," Odile answers. Her books are pretty thin, from the looks of it. "Some sort of romance... I think... The kind you’d like, Mirabelle. A collection of origami designs. And a cultural guide to the town, for when you kids 'paint the town light', as they say."

"Origami?" you ask.

"Yes," she says, holding the book out for you to take. You don't have any hands free, holding on to Mr. Grizz, so you just look at it. "It's..." She puts the book back in her arms. "It's the art of folding paper into a sculpture."

"Oh! I took a class for that once!" Mirabelle says. "We made flowers. But, uh... mine looked more like... well, not a flower."

Odile laughs. "That's hardly for beginners. When I was a kid, we started with swans and boats."

Mirabelle gasps. "Odile lore!"

"Yes, yes, me lore," Odile agrees, chuckling.

You like listening to them talk. For some reason, hearing about origami makes you... weirdly sad. About the past? There's... You know there's a word for it, but it doesn't come to mind.

The conversation continues like that until you get back to the inn. You got two rooms attached to each other, one for you and Isabeau and one for Mirabelle, Odile, and Bonnie. (Bonnie said they "won't sleep in a room with two lovey-dovey weirdos like you".)

To your surprise, Mirabelle follows you into your room, closing the door behind her. "I think we should probably go over the things Dr. Gendreau told us about," she says carefully. Sitting down on the end of your bed, she pats the spot beside her.

You sit down there, setting Mr. Grizz on the pillow. "Okay. Like what?"

Her face contorts slightly. (Did you make her uncomfortable somehow?) Hesitating, she says, "When you talk, do you... Do you think about what you’re saying?"

"Yeah? Obviously." You’re a little confused. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to talk."

She nods. "Yeah. Right. But, do you..." (Why is she pausing so much? It's because you made her uncomfortable, isn’t it?) "Do you listen to yourself?"

That's. A weird question. Do you? (You don't need to... You're just saying your lines. The delivery isn’t that important.) "I guess I don't, really."

Another long pause. (You must have really messed up.) Finally, she says, "I see. Okay, um... Can you—can you tell me your name? And make sure to listen to yourself."

(That’s easy. Your name is Siffrin.) Confidently, you answer, "I'ss Siffwin."

(...Why did you say it like that?)

Mirabelle nods as if knowing something. "And what’s my name?"

(You'll never forget it again, it's...) "Miwrabewwe." (Um. No. It's Mirabelle. Not... "Mirabelle"? It's the same thing, so why do they sound different? Why do they sound different???) Your breath starts shaking. "It... I'ss Miwrabewwe—no, Miwra—no! Miwr—NO!!!" You’re crying. (WHY can't you say it normally? WHY do you sound so stupid? What’s WRONG with—)

"Siffrin!" Mirabelle cries. She's holding your hand. (Warm.)

"W-Whuh?" you ask. (It's "what", not... ARGH!!! Why can't you tell the difference?!?)

She tenses. "Siffrin, you're getting worked up. Just breathe."

Breathe. Okay. You can do that. In, and out. In... and out...

"That’s good. Just breathe for me." She starts breathing too, in, and out. You breathe together, in... and out.

You keep breathing for a while, until you have the courage to ask, "How wong habe I been talkin wike dis?" (Oh, STARS, you sound horrible.)

Mirabelle shifts her weight. "You were this morning, when I woke you up. And since you said you felt small, I think."

(Okay, maybe... maybe you can not talk so bad. Just go slow.) Slowly, carefully, "So... eb'ryone knows? Dat 'msmall?" (That didn't help at all.)

"I... don't think so?" She purses her lips. "I doubt anyone knows about... this exactly. But, you probably can't hide it for very long."

"No!" You grab her hands. "No, dey can't know! Dun teww em!" (If they know, they'll hate you, they'll know how useless you are, they'll leave you!)

"I won't! Don't worry, I won't tell them before you're ready." She takes her hands out of yours and pulls you over, wrapping her arms around you. (She's so warm, and comforting. You don't wanna leave.) "We'll do this at your pace, okay?"

You sniffle. "O-Okeh."

She pulls away (you’d rather she stayed) and gives you a warm smile. "Great. Now, let's take a look at those pamphlets, okay?"

"Okeh." You sidle over and lean on her. You like her warmth.

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

this is the last chapter where I’m meanie pants I prommy… lalala

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63005428

Chapter 3/4

Content warning: SPOILERS and acknowledgment of the end of act 3. and act 4 typical generally Negative thought process…

@regressuary

[teenyweenyeenymeeny]

hi guys hi @regressuary remember when I said I’d only post Once this month… I lied

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63366334

Chapter: 1/1

Fandom: In Stars and Time

Rating and warnings: General audiences, no major warnings besides vague spoilers

Summary:

In a tiny village somewhere between Dormont and Bambouche, Siffrin learns something about themself.

[melicious-compliance]

Going Forward, Going Back - Chapter 12: First Night

Siffrin gets changed for bed. Isabeau shares some concerns.

⚠: Diaper change, implied nudity (assisted clothing change), vague allusions to chronic pain

ⓘ This is a post-canon fic. However, it is not tagged as spoilers except for when there are direct references. Read at your own discretion.

Mira leads you by the hand into her room, where she locks the door. "Can you undress while I get everything out?" she asks.

You nod, and start pulling at your pins. Uselessly. (Blind it...)

Mira pulls the shopping bags from under the bed and takes a few things from them. You recognize the wipes, powder, and. um. diapers. (Still a little weird. Of course it is.) But, Mira says it'll help, and you do like it... You have complicated feelings about it.

She looks over at you, and sees you completely dressed. "Do you need help after all?" You answer with a tiny nod. With a smile, she comes over and pulls off your pins, then unhooks your belt. (Thankfully, you're able to get the rest off yourself.)

Mira leads you over to the bed and has you lay down, like last time. As she slides the diaper under you and pulls it over your front, you immediately feel yourself slip a little more. (Stars... It feels so soft. Comfortable. For once, you actually feel safe.) You hold the front in place for Mira as she does the side tapes.

"How does it feel?" Mira asks, taking your hands to pull you up.

Some kind of. Sound. Comes out of your mouth. A happy sound?

Whatever it is makes Mira giggle at you. "Aw, do you like it?"

"Ah-huh!" you answer. (Why are you just making sounds. You can still think, why don't you talk?)

"Great!" You like holding her hands. "Your nightgown is in your room, I think. Let's get you changed into it." She leads you by the hand (warm, love it) into the room you and Isabeau share. "Can you find it for me?"

You nod excitedly, pulling her over to the backpacks beside your bed. (Let's see, you think your clothes were in... the big one?) "Da!" you say, pointing at the bigger backpack.

"In there?" Mira confirms. Letting go of your hand (sad...), she opens the backpack and reaches inside. You can't help but smile when she pulls out your nightgown. (You were right!) Turning to you with it in her hands, she says, "Arms up, gotta get that shirt off."

You do as she asks, raising your arms into the air. She grabs the bottom of your shirt, lifting it up and over and off your head. Then she lifts your nightgown over your head and pulls it down. Your arms pop out and the nightgown falls all the way down to your ankles. Fwoosh! You can't help but giggle!

Mira giggles with you. "Is it comfy?"

You nod. Super comfy!

She smiles. (You're doing good! Made her happy!) With an awkward laugh, she says, "I didn't really think this through... We'll probably stay up for a little while longer. Unless you wanna go to bed already?"

"Nuh uh," you tell her, before promptly betraying yourself with a big yawn. She gives you a suspicious look, teasingly of course, that makes your face hot. "Mm... yeh..." (Stars, when did you start feeling so tired? You haven't stayed up later than usual at all.)

"Sounds good. Did you bring Mr. Grizz?" When you shake your head, she continues, "Then I'll go get him while you get into bed."

You nod, and start doing just that. You feel a little clumsy, but you get yourself under the covers without too much trouble. By the time you're done, Mira's already beside your bed again, handing you Mr. Grizz. So soft, so snuggly! You hug him super duper tight.

Mira giggles (you love that sound). With the utmost care, she slides your eyepatch off your head and sets it on the table beside you. "Sweet dreams, Siffrin!" She turns off the lamp, and as she gently pulls the door closed behind her, darkness envelops the room. Warm, comforting darkness.

You feel the smooth sheets beneath you, the warm blanket on top of you. Your airy nightgown, keeping you nice and cool, and Mr. Grizz's plush fur, prickly but in a soft way. The air against your usually covered eye, the padding between your legs, hugging your body, keeping you safe.

You are safe.

You are safe.

You are here.

And you are very very quickly falling asleep.

Isabeau walks into the dark room a while later, placing himself on his bed. "Sif, you awake?"

Incoherent mumbling for a reply. Maybe that's a yes?

"To be honest, I was glad when Mira told me you went to bed early," Isabeau tells them. "I know you don't act tired, but... We know you need more sleep than you're getting."

Siffrin shifts under the covers. A shrug?

Isabeau sighs. "I know, I know. I just... What you went through took a lot out of you. Using that much Craft, there's no way you're back to one-hundred percent already." A little softer, he adds, "Euphrasie said you might never be. So just, try to take it easy, ok—"

A loud, rankling snore from Siffrin cuts him off.

For a moment, Isabeau just stares. Then he laughs to himself, lying down in bed. "Asleep after all, huh. Maybe that's better."

[melicious-compliance]

Going Forward, Going Back - Chapter 6: Look What I Have

Mirabelle shows off the stuff she bought for Siffrin. They discuss what their relationship will look like.

⚠: No warnings

ⓘ This is a post-canon fic. However, it is not tagged as spoilers except for when there are direct references. Read at your own discretion.

You walk ahead of Isabeau and Bonnie, on your way back to the inn. Odile stayed behind to read, and Mirabelle said she had some shopping to do. She didn't say what she was buying, but after reading those pamphlets yesterday, you're guessing it's stuff for you. Well, small you.

Since the two of them had plans, Isabeau and Bonnie invited you to wander the town with them. You had a pretty fun day together! It's only three in the afternoon, if you had to guess, but Bonnie made you head back early so they could get started on dinner.

You didn't regress at all today (you've been listening to yourself to be sure), but you have a bad feeling. It's... some kind of hollowness, like a ball of negative pressure sitting just below your chest. For some reason, you think it's related to not regressing. You'd really rather not though...

You all say hi to Odile in the foyer, and Bonnie slips into the kitchen.

"Man, my back is killing me," Isabeau tells you. "Maybe I shouldn't have let Bonnie ride on my shoulders so long."

You laugh. "They definitely weren't kind to your head."

"Yeah! It's like they thought it was a drum!" You both have a good laugh. "So, uh... I’m gonna lay down for a bit, to recover. Do you wanna...?"

Odile clears her throat. "Actually, Mirabelle said she wanted to see Siffrin when you got back," she says without looking up from her book.

"Oh," Isabeau says. "Well. Sounds like you better go see her."

You smile and tell him, "Don’t worry, you'll get your cuddles later." It's weirdly satisfying to watch his face flush. You're still not used to saying things like that, but it's worth the effort.

You at least get to hold hands going up the stairs. (His hands dwarf yours, and you can feel every little callous. Maybe not wearing your gloves isn't such a bad idea.) It's not for long though. You part ways at the top of the stairs, since the women and kid's room is right there, and the man and fella's room is the one next to it, down the hall.

Walking in, you find Mirabelle sitting on the middle of three beds, looking through a number of bags. Probably the ones from the store. She turns around as you walk in. "Oh! Siffrin, hey!" She gets up and pulls you over, sitting back down on the bed. You sit on the other side, closer to the door, so you can't see the bags. "I know yesterday you said you might like wooden blocks, so I got some of those." She hands you a decently heavy bag, its contents making a soft clatter.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," you say. "I could've just carved them."

She makes an uncertain sound. "I'd rather you not have your knife when you're regressed."

You glare at her. But... you understand, too. "What else did you get?"

"Um... I got this ring... thing." She brings up one of those ring things, with the different sized rings and the pole in the middle that you stack the rings on. "I don't know, maybe it’d be fun for you to play with..."

You take it from her and turn it this way and that. "Might be," you admit.

Her face brightens at that. "Good! And then I got..." She reaches into a bag and pulls out...

"Are those... pacifiers?"

"Yeah!" she answers, excited. (There must be seven or eight of them.) "I didn't know what shade you'd like, or what size you'd need, so... I just got a bunch. And I found these cute little boxes to keep them in, too!" She puts the pacifiers down between you. (That makes sense. Mirabelle's always liked cute little things.)

You look at the collection of pacifiers. There's lightless ones, darkless ones, some with animals painted on them, some with flowers... She really did get a lot. You pick one up and turn around, looking at the... the part that goes in your mouth.

"You can try it, if you want. I already disinfected all the teats." She must've spotted you.

You quickly set the pacifier back down. "No, I’m just..." But you can't come up with an excuse. "I’m good."

She gives you a knowing smile, but doesn't push it. "And the last thing I got... is these." She takes something out of the bag, sort of rectangular, wrapped in something. (You don't have a lot of words for this stuff, do you?)

You tilt your head, trying to think of what it could be. "What is it?"

She visibly hesitates, then says in a rush, "It's a pack of diapers."

You blink. "It's. What?"

More slowly, she repeats, "It's a pack of diapers. I... I got some baby powder, and wet wipes too."

You blink again. (Why...?) "But, I don't need that."

"...Maybe," she says. (Wow. She obviously doesn't believe you. Which isn't unfair. Things did happen yesterday morning.) She takes your hand and gives it a squeeze. "I just think it's better safe than sorry."

"No, you're... you're right. I don't want... that to happen again." You don't want to think about it. But you have to talk about it. "I think it would help me feel... safe."

She nods. "And, you'll only have to wear them when you're regressed, and even then only when you sleep." She looks at you sideways for a moment and adds, "Unless... you want to wear them more than that. A-And this whole thing is up to you! If you don't want to do any of it, that's fine too!"

Well... "I'll have to think about it. But, I do want... this. You... taking care of me." (You sound so pathetic.) She squeezes your hand again. "...Thank you." You look around at the things she bought. "Where did you even find this stuff?"

"I had some help from Dr. Gendreau," she answers. "She told me about some out-of-the-way shops that sold things like this."

"Huh."

A long silence. Mirabelle breaks it. "We do need to talk about... what we'll be." She shifts. "You read what the pamphlet said about caregivers and littles. I know you want me to help you, but I don't know what you want me to be."

But, "Can't you just be my caregiver?"

"Oh!" she squeaks. "Of course I can! Just, do you want me to be anything more than that?"

Do you? "I'd... have to think about it.''

She nods understandingly. "Of course. And, um... does that mean you want to be my little...?"

You. Can’t think. Why can’t you think?

"Siffrin?"

"Do..." (Oh, good, you have something to say.) "Do you want that?"

Without hesitation, she nods. "You’re really important to me!" She picks up your hand in both of hers. "I want to take care of someone. And, if it could be you... Well, I'd really like that!" She's so... earnest. Her eyes are so serious, and so loving. (Stars... You can't help but stare.)

"I..."

Suddenly, she pulls you into a hug. "I'm sorry." Despite the apology, she doesn't let go. "This just seemed like the right thing to do."

It's still scary being touched. Especially as much as this. You’re getting used to little touches. But... she's so warm, and soft, and the way she presses into you, the way her arms wrap around you... it feels good. The way your arms wrap around her, the way you can feel her back, and know she's here, with you... it's all so much. But you like it.

It ends, like it always has to. (No...)

"So," Mirabelle says, "what do you say we try these things out?"

(Huh?)

[melicious-compliance]

Going Forward, Going Back - Chapter 4: The Consultation

Siffrin and Mirabelle meet with a psychologist, and learn about age regression.

⚠: Clinical discussion, long chapter

ⓘ This is a post-canon fic. However, it is not tagged as spoilers except for when there are direct references. Read at your own discretion.

Opening the door that says "Dr. Gendreau", you see a little square room with a desk and some chairs in front of it. Behind the desk is a little woman with her hair up in pigtails and wearing big round glasses, reading some papers. She's darker than you, but not quite as dark as Mirabelle.

You're a little nervous. It's not that you don’t like doctors. Just, the last one you talked to was in Dormont, to make sure you were okay and healthy after... everything. (Don't think about it, don't think about it, don’t think about it.)

Looking up from her papers, the little woman smiles at you and Mirabelle. "Ah, you're the ones who wanted to see me?" Rising from her chair, she doesn't get much taller, and when she comes around to your side of the desk you can see she's barely taller than Bonnie. She extends a hand to Mirabelle. "I'm Dorothée Gendreau, she/her. It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss...?"

Shaking the doctor's hand, Mirabelle answers, "Mirabelle Chevalier, she/her. I’m from Dormont."

"No kidding?" Dr. Gendreau smiles a little wider. "I grew up there! How's Euphrasie doing?"

"The Head Housemaiden? I think she—"

"She's the Head Housemaiden now???" She gawks. "Change, she was only an instructor when I left. I guess she's doing well then?"

As they talk about things you don’t really care about, you look around the room. There are shelves on the back wall, filled with different medical-looking books and a few porcelain figures of people you don’t recognize. The doctor's family, maybe. Underneath, there's a cabinet with a drawer hanging open. You can just barely see cubes with buttons and spools of string and some clicky-looking things. (Toys?)

In the corner of the room, you see a wicker basket with a number of stuffed animals piled inside. Next to it is a big lumpy pillow that looks like it could swallow you. Looking back to the shelves, you try to read some of the books' titles. "Trauma and the Body: Physical Consequences of Mental Health", "Collected Studies of Isolation's Effect on the Human Psyche", "Setting Boundaries and Healthy Relationships"... kinda boring. Your eyes drift back to the wicker basket.

"Oh! Right!" Mirabelle squeaks. "This is Siffrin."

You think there's some kind of toy cat in the basket, and a mouse... and maybe a bear?

"Siffrin...?" the doctor asks patiently.

Your attention snaps back to her. She's moved the chairs to be sideways to the desk. "What? Oh, uh." You can feel your face flushing. "Just Siffrin. No middle names, no last name. He/they."

"Got it. Please, feel free to sit down." As you do, she follows where you were looking and sees the basket. "Would you like a stuffie, Siffrin? Many of my patients enjoy holding one while we talk."

"N... No, thanks." Stars, you’re being treated like a child. You don't like it.

Dr. Gendreau goes over anyway and takes out the bear. "Well, I'm gonna get one." She returns, pulling the lumpy pillow behind her, and she... sits on it, making it conform to her shape. (It's like a weird chair. This arrangement is a lot more cozy than if she sat behind the desk.) She looks between you and Mirabelle, her eyes wide and curious behind those big glasses. "So! How can I help you?"

Mirabelle looks at you as if you ask "Do you want to tell her?" You shake her head. She nods understandingly and turns back to Dr. Gendreau. "Siffrin was acting... strange, this morning."

"Strange?" She asks, tilting her head. She tilts the bear's head as well. "Strange... how—Siffrin?" (Oops. She caught you staring at the bear.)

You probably did something wrong. "Yes...?"

She holds the stuffed bear out to you. "You can hold him, if you want. His name is Mr. Grizz."

Nervously looking between Mirabelle and Dr. Gendreau, you take the bear with a slow hand and place it in your lap. Quietly, you say, "Thanks."

"You’re welcome." She turns back to Mirabelle. "Now—how do you mean, they were acting strange?"

"He seemed to be having trouble with his hands, and his voice was a bit higher." She hesitates. "There was something else about how they spoke, but... I’m not sure what I'd call it."

"Did you notice this?" Dr. Gendreau asks, looking at you.

You shake your head. (You knew about your hands feeling weird, but that was just because you were nervous. You didn't notice the voice thing though.) You hold Mr. Grizz a little closer.

"I see." She turns back to Mirabelle. "Is there anything else?"

Mirabelle shifts in her seat. "Well... He took a nap, and when I woke him up, he'd had an... accident." She says the last part quieter. You hold Mr. Grizz closer.

In a soft voice, Dr. Gendreau responds, "Oh, I see... Do they frequently take naps?"

"Yes, quite often," Mirabelle answers for you. "He’s something of an expert."

"Ah. And is it common for him to have such accidents?"

You hug Mr. Grizz closer. (Stop, stop, stop...)

"No, this is the first time." For describing how pathetic and useless you were, Mirabelle is surprisingly calm. "Do you have any idea what happened?"

Dr. Gendreau is silent, probably thinking. She's staring at you, looking at your filthy stupid useless soul. (No, her eyes are too soft for that. She's kind. She's kind.) After what feels like forever, she asks, "You said there was something else about their voice. Was he lisping, by any chance?"

"That’s what it was!" Mirabelle clasps her hands with a jubilant smack. "Yes, they were lisping. Or... maybe? It's not just that, his sentences were... simpler."

"Would you say childlike?" Why is the doctor giving you such a knowing look. You don't like it, you don't like it at all. You can't take it, just look down at Mr. Grizz.

"Now that you mention it... Yes, it was rather childlike," Mirabelle answers. Her chair creaks as she leans forwarrd. "Does that mean you know what's going on?"

Another long pause. "Yes. I believe Siffrin may be experiencing what is known as age regression."

You.

You're.

You're what?

"Age regression?" Mirabelle repeats. "What's that?"

Rising from the lumpy pillow, Dr. Gendreau answers, "Put simply, it's when a person reverts to a childlike state of mind." You hear her opening a drawer on the other side of her desk. "It can affect memory, coordination, language processing, emotional stability, and—indeed—continence."

"Oh, dear..." There's so much pity in her voice. "Is there something we need to do to... fix it?"

"What?" Dr. Gendreau asks, sounding surprised. "Oh, no, not at all! No—in fact, regression is often the very thing that does the fixing."

(What???) Your eyes snap up from Mr. Grizz to see her behind the desk, leafing through the contents of a drawer. (How can something so bad and weird fix things?)

Mirabelle, as confused as you are, asks the same question a little more delicately. "How is that?"

"Well, it often occurs as a way of coping, to deal with excessive stress or even trauma." Her face scrunches a little as she starts digging further back in the drawer. Under her breath, "Where is that crabbing..."

"So then, what should we do?" You're glad Mirabelle is here. She's good at asking questions.

"The worst thing you can do is keep yourself—or keep Siffrin, rather—from properly regressing." Dr. Gendreau closes the drawer and switches to the one below, disappearing behind the desk. "Don't... force him to be an adult... when he isn't one. If you want to help..." She furiously shuffles through papers back there. "You could encourage them to enter that headspace... when they seem to be struggling. Aha!" She pops up, her pigtails bouncing higher than she does. In her hand is some sort of pamphlet.

Mirabelle asks, "Encourage them how?"

Dr. Gendreau comes back around the desk, giving the pamphlet to Mirabelle. You don't have the right angle to read what it says on the front. "Basically, assist him with anything he finds difficult when he's regressed." She gives you a look, you can’t tell if it's good or bad. You feel like those big round glasses let her see right through you. "If their fine motor skills are impaired, they'll almost definitely need assistance."

Mirabelle hasn't opened the pamphlet. You lean over to read the front, and you can make out "What Is Age Regression?". (Not very helpful.)

"So..." Mirabelle says, trailing off. She takes a breath and asks, "Siffrin? What are you thinking?"

You’ve been thinking a lot, but you're not sure how to put it into words. "It's... I mean, I’m not really regressing, right? It's not like I can just... turn into a kid." (Surely not. It can’t be possible.)

"Well, there's not no way," Dr. Gendreau answers. "But I guess it could be something else. Why don't you describe how you felt this morning?"

"Well..." How do you say this... "I felt... scared. Like I couldn't understand things that should've been easy. I was proud of stupid things. And I felt..." Oh. (no no no don't say that if you say that it's over)

Dr. Gendreau prods, "You felt...?"

You don't want to. You don't. (But you have to.) But you can't. Your mouth hangs open but no sound comes out. (You have to say it.) You shouldn't, you can't, if you say it it's over, you're doomed. (You have to.)

...You have to.

...Slowly, in a tiny voice, you say, "I felt small."

There's a long silence. You realize you're hugging Mr. Grizz very tightly. You let go a little, you don't want to hurt him.

Dr. Gendreau pats you on the knee twice. Softly, gently, she says, "Thank you, Siffrin. That's very good. How are you feeling now?"

You shake your head. "Not good."

"Doctor, is he...?" Mirabelle says, but she doesn't finish the question. You're not sure what she's asking. (She knows you're feeling it again, doesn't she?)

Dr. Gendreau puts up a hand as if to stall her. Softly, she asks, "Siffrin, is there anyone you'd trust to help you when you feel small?"

You glance to the side. "Mira's nice... I like her. But, I don't want anyone knowing..."

In the same soft voice, Dr. Gendreau ask, "Mirabelle, would you be willing to help Siffrin when he feels small?"

You hear her earrings go ding-ding as she nods. "Of course."

The doctor stands again, going back behind her desk. "Now, it's not exactly a part of the process," she says, "but many people find it helps to have a caregiver." She reopens the lower drawer and takes out two more pamphlets.

"And... how is that different from just helping them?" she asks.

Dr. Gendreau gives the pamphlets to Mirabelle. "You can give those a look." She nods to you and adds, "For now, I think this one could do with a rest. You can come in tomorrow if you have any more questions." (Oh. You're leaving.)

Mirabelle shuffles the pamphlets around, reading their covers. Standing, she replies, "Thanks, you've been such a help."

You look down at Mr. Grizz. He's so soft and cozy. But... you have to give him back, he's not yours. You stand up. "Here," you say, holding Mr. Grizz out to Dr. Gedreau.

She smiles at him, then at you. "Why don't you keep him?"

(What!) There's no way she'd let you keep something as great as this. She must be kidding. "You... You mean it?"

"Of course I mean it! What kind of doctor would I be if I said things I didn't mean?"

A bad one, probably.

"...Thanks, Dr. Grendeau."

She chuckles. "You're very welcome. Have a good day, you two!"

"Thanks, you too!" Mirabelle leads you out of the office, through the House, and back to the entrance, where Odile happens to be waiting.

She notices you approaching and takes a few steps to meet in the middle. "All done here?" She notices the lump under your cloak, where you're holding Mr. Grizz. "What is... that?"

As you're about to answer, Mirabelle says, "A gift." And that's that.

"Oh." Odile can tell something's not right. "I see." (You hope she's not mad about it. You really like Mr. Grizz, he's so snuggly.) "Shall we get going, then?"