and it breaks my heart bc I'm never going to be the exception, I'm never going to be good enough or charming or funny or talented enough to make someone else care about me like that. not when they're just putting up with me bc of a mutual friend. it's frustrating. I hate it. I want so badly to destroy any connection I have that isn't Safe, that isn't Whole, but I can't, because that's "crazy behavrior". I'd rather be lonely instead
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