#it kind of sucks watching all my mutuals get really cool engagement and anons and asks from anons

[ofstoriesandstardust]

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[sometimesrosy]

I think you’ve answered this before, but can you give advice on curating a positive environment for your fandom experience? As someone pretty sick of the Star Wars fandom complaining I need it. I’m just trying to enjoy a franchise I love for peete’s sake.

I think the key to creating your bubble is to understand what you want your fandom experience to be. Some people LIKE to fight and go on righteous crusades for their faves. Some people ENJOY the war. If you do not, don’t like attacking or being attacked so you can defend yourself, then when you see that, know that this does not belong in your bubble, even if everyone else is getting riled up. Scroll past, unfollow, filter, block. 

I think the other key to creating your bubble is accepting that other people do not like the same things you like and that’s okay. Whether a movie, a ship, or a way of fangirling. IMO, as long as people don’t interfere in other’s fun, then it’s free game. So posting a bad opinion on your blog? Go for it. I may unfollow, but enjoy your bad opinions, idc. HOWEVER posting your bad opinion on MY post to tell me I am wrong? NOPE. MYOB, make your own post. Get out of my bubble. Block. We need to allow people to have “wrong” ships and “wrong” theories. It’s not up to us what they believe just like it’s not up to them what we believe. If we think they’re fools, we should keep that to ourselves, probably not mention them by name, maybe in a PM or GC, but even then, do NOT get up a little gang of bullies who all hate what you hate. Is there really a need to give someone else you don’t agree with all your attention. (okay well maybe some people need an enemy to fuel their righteousness. block them. they’re creeps. and if you see someone doing it who you consider a friend, you might want to consider not being one of their sheep and backing away to find a more pleasant bubble.)

Scroll past posts you don’t like. You don’t have to agree with everything. It’s okay. You don’t have to argue with everything you disagree with. I have a 3 strikes rule for that. If I see 3 bad posts from someone, I unfollow them. If I see a great post from them, they get one of their strikes erased. 

Unfollow people who make you unhappy, who post things you don’t like, are negative, spread anti ideas, hate what you like. Even if you are mutuals, see if you can follow them on another blog, start a private message with them instead of following a blog that doesn’t make you happy, or maybe just let go of them if they aren’t that important to your life. You can tell them if you like, that you can’t follow negativity, and they might understand and you lose nothing but the negative posts.

Filter terms that trigger or upset you. Filter your NOTPs. I wish we could filter bloggers but I haven’t figured out a way to do that. If some people post people you’ve blocked a lot, consider unfollowing them. It’s not always great to be IN a fandom where everyone is spreading the things and people who bother you, so you may. have to sacrifice those follows.

Block people who are aggressive, bullying, mean, liars, manipulators. Beware the cult of personality, because some people like to create a group of followers who they can tell what to think and do. You may not be able to block all their followers, but you can see the ones who enjoy the bullying right away. You don’t have to wait until it is turned onto you.

Be careful of people who consider themselves positive. Watch what they do, not what they say, because I’ve joined groups that were supposed to be focused on positivity that ended up turning negative because they only meant “oh hey I like this so I’m positive.” But when they didn’t like something, they didn’t worry about being positive or letting it go. 

I have stepped away from a lot of fandom. I don’t engage in tumblr games. I don’t do fandom twitter at all because it’s so antagonistic and full of people complaining and demanding what they want. Ugh. I don’t debate people anymore, because even if the person I was debating can do so without attacking or anger or wars, there’s no guarantee that other people won’t get heated and start to declare someone immoral and unrighteous (I am so tired of this.) I should probably remind you that one of the problems with debate today is people don’t understand that ad hominem attacks, or defaming the debater’s character rather than focusing on their argument, is NOT debate. I like to debate. I don’t like what happens in fandom when people debate. They take sides. Make wars. That is outside my bubble so I had to let debate go. I have asked people not to hijack my posts to call me names or be an anti, and if they are unable to stop doing that, they get blocked. 

I have kept my ask box open and it is usually open to anons, but I have strict rules that shouldn’t be that hard to follow. No hate. No antis. Ship and let ship. Be respectful. I block people who break the rules. If people send nasty anons once, they tend to send them a lot and you don’t need to play. If i want to answer their ask, i will cut and paste it into a text post and block the anon. You can’t post an ask and then block. Some people screenshot them. If there are too many nasty anons, I will turn off anon for a while. 

OH THE TAGS. I never go to the tags. There is no way to cultivate any bubble there. STAY OFF THE TAGS. Follow people who post the kind of content you like. Do not get sucked in by tags for your ship or show that are negative and make you upset and defensive. If you need new content, look at the responses to a post you like and check out the blogs of people who say cool stuff. Scroll a bit to make sure they are not negative. Follow them. 

Oh also. Be careful of what you say. Be clear about how much you can handle, and what questions you’re willing to tackle. Even if you only talk about things you love, you can draw negativity. Some people REALLY get offended when you try to enjoy yourself. If you find yourself ranting or getting angry or posting something you know will rile up the fandom, step away from the computer and take a break and come back when you’re cooled down to see if you still feel that way, can say it better, or need to say it at all. The more sensitive a topic is, the longer it takes me to write it because I have to THINK about if I SHOULD say it. Hot takes are often hot messes. I wrote this post twice. The first one was too personal, and too much about what I went through in fandom and as such a bit bitter and antagonistic. 

I’ve done a lot to cultivate my bubble and yes it made fandom less fun. But also safer, less nerve wrecking. The anxiety of fandom was not good for my PTSD and anxiety and I recognized that I needed to take care of my mental health more than I needed to calm the fandom panic of strangers on the internet. 

It’s also wise to remember that fandom, while it is real social engagement, is about a work of fiction. This is NOT life or death. Those characters on screen are not real. When the show is over, no matter how it ends, whether you love it or hate it, it’s just a show. We can move on and separate ourselves from it, find something new to love. IF our identities are all wrapped up in the show, we might want to, for our own mental health, step back and remember that our world exists outside of fandom. Get obsessed about a different show. Take up a hobby. Meet new friends. Switch to reading for a while. Try something creative. Take up meditation or running or volunteering at the animal shelter. Anything.