#it means the absolute world and ahhh i just love gushing about her birthday and her being spoilt ( like she deserves )

[lockedfighter]

ˏˋ°• ׂׂૢ་༘࿐            @obscureign showering the birthday girl w / love . ♡ ₊˚ˑ༄ ↳ A  sleek,  black  cardboard  box  with  an  elegant  silver  trimming  of  Shinra  logo  presents  itself  by  the  fighter’s  door.  As  the  flaps  are  lifted,  a  modern  minimalist  cake  is  revealed—a  dark  chocolate  chiffon  cake,  featuring  a  spiced  cherry-rum  compôte  filling  with  bits  of  cherry  vanilla  pieces,  smoothened  by  black-dyed  (organic  food-grade)  butter  icing.  The  pastry  bears  a  neatly  adorned  message:  “Happy  Birthday,  Tifa!  From  all  of  us  at  Shinra”

༊⋆｡˚                                  own  words    reminiscent    from  a  few  days  prior  —-    all  spoken  in  jest  as  he  seemed  to  f  r  e  q  u  e  n  t   the  bar  at  headquarters  more  often  than  not  ,  now  .  ❛  i  shall  be  expecting  lavish  gifts  ,  mr  president    !!    ❜  when  queried  about  her  birthday  coming  up  .  truthfully  ,  she  had  been  shocked  he’d  found  such  information  .  while  he  may  have  been  at  the  top  ,  she  didn’t  expect  him  to  know  his  employees  profiles  .  his  late  night  drink  become  much  more  periodic  when  she  was  working  until  close  .  what  first  had  panicked  her  to  no  end  ,  the  anxiety  felt  in  front  of    his  presence  ;  she  slowly  began  to  enjoy  his  company  .    he  was  human  after  all  . 

as  she  returned  to  her  dorm  that  evening  ,  she  had  been  s  u  r  p  r  i  s  e  d  with  the  gift  .  chic  box  a  notable  symbol  of  shinra’s    care  &  design  .  inside  ,  a  delectable  cake  with  sweet  message  adoring  the  surface  .  she’d  never  seen  any  of  the  other  troops  receive  such  a    (  thoughtful  )    sumptuous  gesture  .  index  finger  (  unable  to  control  herself  )  ,  dipped  into  the  black  butter  frosting  before  bringing  it  to  tiers  and  humming  in  delight  at  such  expensive  taste  .  she  had  an  idea  of  who’s  offering  this  truly  was  from  .

would it deem inappropriate to visit his office at such an hour to express her gratitude !?

mulling  over  it  ,  she  chewed  on  her  lower  lip  before  deciding  just  to  go  for  it  .  no  harm  ,  no  foul  .  clad  in  her  normal    attire  ,  no  longer  her  infantry  uniform  ,  she  kept  her  key  card  on  her  just  encase  before  making  her  way  up  to  his  office  .  whether  she’d  be  a  l  l  o  w  e  d   in  —-  uncertainty  now  hazing  her  already  wondering  mind  .  it  was  late  so  ,  giving  herself  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  ,  security  may  not  have  been  as  tight  .  oh  ,  but  it  was  .  meeting  head  on  with  tseng  ,  she  gave  him  a  small  smile  knowing  this  was  as  far  as  she’d  get  .  ❛  please  could  you  pass  on  my  thanks  to  the  president  ?  he  made  my  birthday  .  ❜  the  confusion  evident  ‘pon  the  turks  face  made  her  chuckle  as  she  bowed  before  retreating  .  ❛    i  shall  tell  him  next  time  we  meet  .  forgive  me  ,  i  shouldn’t  be  up  here  .    ❜  the  thought  was  there  ..

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 9

The Griefcast Record

Keanu got out of the taxi at Whistledown Studios and headed in. Cariad and the recoding team greeted him and they got set up with teas, biscuits and a box of tissues on the table

“God, it’s just like a therapist’s room!” he joked

“Best to be prepared! They might be for me anyhow” she laughed.

Before we start though, can I just spend a moment being a fangirl and just say how amazing it is for me to meet you. There are so many films of yours I love – and my kids adore Duke Caboom!”

“ahh yes, Canada’s Greatest Stuntman” he boomed - “that was a fun role”

“and so perfectly cast right?”

“Yeah yeah I guess. I’m glad they picked me from the roster of Canadians they had lined up!”

“Ok, so thanks for letting me just gush for a moment! Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

“First tell me the story of how we managed to get you as a guest.”

“Ok so right, so errm my friend Kerry is the link. I was filming in Cornwall this past year and uh, after we wrapped I was so charmed by the place that I decided to stay and rent a place for a couple of months down there. Kerry was my landlady and one day I came across her walking along the beach, tears streaming down her face and she was listening to your show which she highly recommended to me. I admit it took a bit of persuading to listen, given the crying thing!, but she told me it was more reassuring and uplifting than upsetting. Anyway, so sorry, this is turning into a shaggy dog tale!, so I did give it a go, really loved it

“Oh thank you”

“So then one day we were discussing an episode about baby loss, something we had in common and had talked about before and she said I should do the show. Now THAT took a lot more thought and persuasion, but she said it would do me good and there would be the angle of the man’s perspective and being someone with a public profile going through loss and you know yada, yada yada so here I am, finally!

“That’s amazing and thank you so much to Kerry for listening to the show and for your persuasive talents in getting this lovely man here today. So Keanu, as you know we always start with this question. Who are we remembering today?”

“Today we’re remembering my daughter Ava who was stillborn 23 years ago this year.”

“Ok so would you mind telling me a little bit about what happened.”

“So, ahh, it was in the spring of 1999. The Matrix had just come out and my life was pretty full on. My girlfriend Jennifer became pregnant around that time. It was unplanned and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t super happy about it at first, but she wanted to keep the baby and I said I’d support her, you know, and as time went on I was more excited than worried about becoming a dad.”

“And how was the pregnancy? How far along was Jennifer when Ava died?”

“Everything seemed fine, she, Ava was growing and developing normally. Jen was healthy. Then I was away filming, a god awful project as well! And, Um, ahh, give me a minute” Keanu cleared his throat and took a drink of water.

“I swore I wouldn’t do this” he said gesturing at himself tearing up, his voice cracking slightly “but sometimes, the memories can be, uhhh, very powerful, very vivid”

“Yes you can be taken right back like it just happened can’t you, however long ago - you know I’m 20 plus years out now and still very occasionally I can be catapulted back there. So, everything looked good but you were away, filming - and I’m sure it can’t have been an awful film”

Keanu snorted

“I assure you it was!, yes anyway, Jen went for a last check up at a little over 8 months and uh, there was no heartbeat. Ava had died and so I flew home and she had to, you know, give birth in a maternity unit, hearing all the other babies being born - I mean they have to do it there because you still might need, you know, that expertise and they tried to keep us private but those places they get busy and she had to go through all that with those sounds sometimes breaking through”

“Yes I hear that that is a common experience here in the UK too and one that SANDS, the still birth charity is trying to address. It’s interesting your choice of words: “she went through that”, presumably you were there so didn’t you go through it too?”

“Yeah, yeah - I guess, I just meant that it was worse, more traumatic mentally for her and obviously physically too”

“Sure sure, but awful for both of you nonetheless”

“Indeed, it was” Keanu paused a moment as though something important had just occurred to him “and she was beautiful too you know”

“awwwww” Cariad moaned sympathetically

“she was beautiful, perfect and warm, just silent, still”

Keanu looked up at Cariad, his eyes filled with tears once more and they both just sat for a moment, taking in the pain of his loss. Eventually, Cariad started the conversation again.

“And did you both hold her? Did the hospital staff help you, you know, to say goodbye to her?”

Yeah yeah, we did hold her. They left us be for a good amount of time, they took prints of her hands and feet and a photograph. You know they were supportive in that way, especially as we knew already, you know, that she had died, they were prepared. I don’t think we were, I mean I don’t think you can prepare for that, right? Your brain won’t let you, not really.”

“Yeah yeah, we talk about that a lot on the show, there are people who say it’s better when someone dies of an illness so you know it’s coming whereas with a sudden death you suffer more shock but I still think there’s a degree of shock you experience even when you have some warning.

“Yeah yeah and it’s so stupid, we’re all just so dumb because death is coming man, to us all but we just don’t want to think about it!” He chuckled

“So are you someone who thinks about death a lot?”

“Yeah yeah it’s always there in the back of my mind, spurring me on to do things, make that film, write that script, build that bike!”

“And do you think that’s because of losing Ava?”

“I don’t know, no not really, well maybe a little but that’s come more with getting older I think - I didn’t really have that reaction at the time”

“So what was your reaction, how did you grieve for Ava?”

Another chuckle came from Keanu.

“A more appropriate question might be how didn’t I grieve for her, at the time I mean!”

“Oh?”

“Hee hee you’re like a therapist, leaving the gaps for me to fill!”

“Some of my critics say I interrupt too much and start talking about me so…..”

“We’ll that’s not very nice is it? And also not true!”

“Thanks - Comes with the territory I guess, so please, go on, fill the gap”

“What was the question again?”

“It was about how you did or didn’t grieve for Ava after her birth?”

“Mmmm well we buried her, in the new year, she was born on Christmas Eve, which is uhhh, another tricky thing about it”

“Oh that’s awful, death on high days and holidays just adds another layer right?”

“Yeah yeah. They do - so um after that I went to Georgia to shoot a movie!”

“So you threw yourself into work then?”

“Yup, my trusty friend in times of crisis. In fact I did, let me see, 1, 2, 3, yes 3 movies in the next year and then started training for the Matrix 2 and 3 so I guess the answer is I put my feelings in a tightly locked metaphorical box and didn’t open it for quite some time!”

“And was there intrusion from the press , I guess this is pre the days of the internet being so developed and social media but how was that side of it?”

“Yeah there was some, you know photographers with long lenses at the cemetery”

“God! I can’t imagine”

“Yeah pretty low, right but in a way because of the taboo of stillbirth, people, you know interviewers and stuff, didn’t ask me about it. I mean I would sometimes say “no personal questions” but at other times that hasn’t stopped people.”

“Oh like what?”

“I’m thinking of when River, River Phoenix died, even if I said I wouldn’t answer anything personal they would still ask how I felt, did I miss him. I mean, fuck! Oh sorry I can swear right?”

“Swear away, sure, and god, fuck yeah, that deserved it. I mean obviously that’s a bit of a contradiction coming from me given we’re here and I’m making you talk about private things but”

“But I agreed, that’s the deal here, it’s not the deal to segue from “how was it jumping onto a moving bus to “how do you feel about your best friend dying!”

“Absolutely. So you said you dealt with it, but much later? What about Jennifer, how did she cope?”

“Umm, I don’t know - I mean what’s normal in that situation? She cried, she wailed like a wounded animal. Her mum moved in. I was away and not there to support her like I should have been. We weren’t really a couple either by then. We were going to co-parent but not as a romantic couple you know so it was complicated. To be honest I think a little bit of her died right then - and then she died herself the following April so you know, what you see before you is the last man standing of that family unit that might have been.”

“Woo that’s tough. You’ve really been through the mill as it were.”

“Yeah, yeah but you know I AM still standing. I’m lucky.”

“And how did Jennifer die?”

“Car wreck”

“I’m so sorry”

“Thanks, me too”

“So how is that, being the only one left? Some people talk about losing key people as losing their witness.”

“Yes! That’s it, exactly. Now it’s just me here to remember Ava, to remember her coming in and out of this world”

Yeah yeah that’s hard. So you said you dealt with it later? How did that come about?”

“Midlife crisis I guess - when I turned 40, I had a bit of a meltdown, you know, wondering about my goals, what I had or hadn’t achieved. I basically “ran away” alone to Paris on my 40th birthday, to escape any awful surprise party! And you know, I quietly fell apart in a vat of wine! When I went home my friend Janey was just like “Keanu, it’s time, time for therapy!”

“Ahhh it’s great isn’t it, big fans of that on the show!”

“Yeah I guess, I mean, ahhh I wasn’t that comfortable taking the lid off but yeah it did me a favour and helped sort my shit out. And a lot of the guilt and pain of losing Ava was gone through belatedly during that process”

“And why did you feel guilty?”

“Mmmm well I think I started to think I was a curse - my sister had been sick with leukemia, Ava had died, Jen had died, River, others as well and I felt guilty for that stupid film I was working on when it happened! So yeah, there were lots of rocks to lift up, inspect what lay beneath and deal with my emotions.”

“Well you seem like you have your shit sorted now”

“I’m a work in progress!”

“So now you’re, 23 years on, how do you remember Ava and Jen now.”

“Well it’s hard to forget the day for Ava what with it being Christmas Eve. I sometimes visit their graves - after dark if I can to avoid being hounded”

“What has the world come to when a person can’t be left in peace to visit a loved one’s resting place”

“Yeah it’s fucked up right?”

“Precisely.”

“And what else? , well I do have one little thing that my friend Alex who’s an artist, made for me. It was because of something she said she did to remember her lost loved ones. She would get a Christmas ornament that in some way represented the person and hang it on her tree at Christmas. So she made this beautiful little stained glass bird to hang up on my tree or in the house if I don’t have a tree which sometimes happens. So, uh, Ava’s name in Latin would mean bird or bird like so that’s why she did that, yes so I always think of her then and you know I would think about where she would be at a given point like when my friends kids have started school again after summer break I would think “oh Ava would be starting you know kindergarten or elementary school etc.”

“And do your family share in that?”

“Yeah, yeah - especially my mom. She has no grandchildren so yeah she remembers and we’ll have a moment sometimes yeah but it can be lonely, not having the other parent there who shares the same loss.”

“Yes I’m sure it is. Grief can be very lonely sometimes. Well, Keanu I really can’t thank you enough for coming on my little podcast and sharing your experience of baby loss and loss in the public spotlight with us today. Thank you so much for telling us about your beautiful baby girl Ava and her mum Jen.”

“Thanks for having me - I know this might sound weird, but it’s been a pleasure talking with you and remembering them today so, thank you and thanks to Kerry who suggested it. She said it would be good for my soul and she, as always, was right!”

@fortheloveoffanfic @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @paperplanesandwallflowers @patric9

[jenmedsbookreviews]

You have to admit – this is not a bad way to start a week huh? It was lush if somewhat sickly but highly recommended. I love Ole & Steen on Haymarket. Best Danish pastry I have tasted. If you are in London then you simply must go. Their sandwiches and coffees aren’t bad either.

After starting last week’s post with a puppy picture, I was asked for a cat this week so here you go.

Not what you were expecting? He’s still pretty cute though. For those wanting a kitty of a slighter small size and shape here’s one for you.

None of this has anything to do with books but then what is new. Well … the cake kind of links back to books as I did eat it prior to heading on over to City University and First Monday Crime last week. A wonderfully bookish night of entertainment courtesy of Barry Forshaw, Stuart Turton, Leigh Russell and john Connolly. Sadly, thanks to the sudden descent of fog upon the country Rachel Abbott didn’t make it but the panel still kept us wholly entertained with discussions on why kids don’t read much, whether Stuart Turton loves or hates Agatha Christie and whether John Connolly writes horror or crime or a hybrid. For more on the evening as a whole I recommend that you read Joy Kluver’s write up here. I was far to enthralled and entertained to take decent notes but I did grab a couple of pictures.

Now, you may or may not have worked out from my overly gushing post the other week about The Woman in the Woods that I’m a small fan of John Connolly’s Charlie Parker books. I did the thoroughly bookishly geeky thing of queuing to get my copy signed (even though I have a signed copy on the way from Goldsboro books anyway – this was personalised) and unlike me, I managed to get out more of a sentence than ‘I liked your book’. When Mr C remarked that I had already read it, I explained that I’d reviewed it the previous week. After a surprised ‘that was you!’ I got a totally unexpected and unsolicited hug of thanks from the man himself.

Now I am not prone to the old huggage, hand shakes are still somewhat of a necessary evil IMHO, even for work. I want to die when I meet my European colleagues with their strange air kiss/cheek rub ways. I can never remember which is which and who is going to fire in for one, two or even three kisses. Three!!! I mean, what the heck?Where I come from that’s borderline asking for your hand in marriage or at the very least an indecent proposal!

Those who know me well know that this hugging phenomenon is something I am struggling to come to terms with about the bookish world. You lot are very huggy people. This one though I did not mind at all. Not in any weird kind of freaky stalkerish way I hasten to add, but it was just so surprising as I am sure that authors such as John Connolly and the rest of the panel get hundreds of reviews and kind comments all the time, so to know that he read and was genuinely thankful for the review makes this whole blogging thing worth while. In it’s own odd way it’s kind of different to greeting people who you may have conversed with a bit on line or perhaps met before too as that’s where you expect a kind of happy but strange hug/air kiss/pre proposal type scenario 😉😬. I mean I’d have been as happy with a genuine and enthusiastic thank you but I’m not complaining.;) And I now have another book in my signed collection which also contains huge hugs (at least this is what we deciphered it as saying lol)!!! Good night out.

This was the most exciting thing to happen to me all week as other than this I have had a trip just south of Lille for another two hour meeting (and the kiss/don’t kiss, one two or three nightmare) and a lot of work twaddle to contend with. I completed week 4 of my Forensic Psychology – Witness Investigation course and week 1 of the Forensic Science course that I am trying to undertake alongside blogging and working and travelling and occasional sleeping so that is a bonus. I also got two other new signed books this week. First up was a copy of DM Mark’s The Zealot’s Bones (warning to the sensitive the cover has a scary rat and you may wish to scroll on) and a second signed copy of Written in Bones by James Oswald, simply because it was signed and dated on my birthday last year. That seemed like fate to me so it had to be done.

Ahhh. Book. Heaven. Not too shabby a week huh? Well apart from work but we can gloss over that part …

New book wise I have been ordering from Goldsboro again. This time it’s a signed copy of The Blood Road by Stuart MacBride which is released in June. Happy bunny time over here then. From Amazon my purchases have been limited (yeah right) and I only ordered the US hard cover of Ragnar Jonasson’s Black Out because it is stunning (and I have the first two in the set so it seemed rude not to). From the UK I ordered The Zealot’s Bones by DM Mark (I can’t read a signed copy…); Down To The Woods by MJ Arlidge; Counting the Dead by Victoria Jenkins and No Turning Back by Sam Blake.

Netgalley wise I have had a few books. It’s a mixture of tour requests, direct invites to review in the case of Peter James and Ruth Dugdall and ‘I just want to read these’ requests. I picked up Body and Soul by John Harvey; The Things You Didn’t See by Ruth Dugdall; The Retreat by Mark Edwards; Dead If you Don’t by Peter James and One Little Lie by Sam Carrington. I was also sent an early copy of The Chosen Ones by Carol Wyer which is absolutely bloody fabulous I might add.

Reading wise I’ve not had too shabby a week all things considered. I am still shattered so i think to have finished reading four books again this week is quite pleasing.

Books I have read

The Ice Swimmer – Kjell Ola Dahl

When a dead man is lifted from the freezing waters of Oslo Harbour just before Christmas, Detective Lena Stigersand’s stressful life suddenly becomes even more complicated. Not only is she dealing with a cancer scare, a stalker and an untrustworthy boyfriend, but it seems both a politician and Norway’s security services might be involved in the murder. 

With her trusted colleagues, Gunnarstranda and Frølich, at her side, Lena digs deep into the case and finds that it not only goes to the heart of the Norwegian establishment, but it might be rather to close to her personal life for comfort.

Dark, complex and nail-bitingly tense, The Ice Swimmer is the latest and most unforgettable instalment in the critically acclaimed Oslo Detective series, by the godfather of Nordic Noir.

My review of this brilliant novel will be out later this week but I truly love the writing style and the feel of this Oslo based thriller. Slower in pace than most Detective novels it is still engaging and has so many hold your breath moments that you won’t be able to turn away. You can buy your own copy here.

…

Body and Soul – John Harvey

From the master of British Crime Writing comes Frank Elder’s last case.

‘The heavy manacles around the girl’s wrists, perhaps not surprisingly, looked very much like the ones that had been found on the studio floor. For a moment, she had a vision of the chain to which they were attached being swung through the air, taking on force and speed before striking home.Then swung again.’

When his estranged daughter Katherine appears on his doorstep, ex-Detective Frank Elder knows that something is wrong.

Katherine has long been troubled, and Elder has always felt powerless to help her.

But now Katherine has begun to self-destruct.

The breakdown of her affair with a controversial artist has sent her into a tailspin which culminates in murder.

And as Elder struggles to protect his daughter and prove her innocence, the terrors of the past threaten them both once more …

The last in the series this is the first book I have read by John Harvey. Nothing new there for me. Fast paced and gripping from the off, it does contain spoilers for prior novels so be aware before setting off, but as a first read it also gives enough back ground to put everything in context and keep you on edge all along. My review will be posted later this week and you can buy your own copy here.

…

The Chosen Ones – Carol Wyer

They had not been forgiven. And they would never be forgotten …. When a doting young father is murdered and his body discovered in a cornfield for his family to see, it’s a harrowing new case for Detective Robyn Carter. But just as Robyn starts to investigate, a popular local doctor and young mother, is found dead outside her surgery.

As Robyn tries to find the link between the victims, she uncovers a dark web of secrets. Were these much-loved members of the community as innocent as they seemed? 

The killer has a message for Robyn and the carefully chosen victims. Can Robyn get to the truth before she becomes the next target? 

If you love Angela Marsons, Patricia Gibney and Rachel Abbott, you’ll love the latest pulse-pounding thriller from Carol Wyer. The Chosen Ones will keep you guessing until the very last page.

What I love about this series, aside from the great characters and the brilliant writing, is that it is set very locally to me and I always chuckle when I see local references. Plenty of that in this book, alongside a chilling set of murders which will make your toes curl and keep you right at the edge of a very uncomfortable seat. Loved it. My review will be a long time coming as publication isn’t until later next month, but you can preorder a copy here. Totally worth it.

…

The Girl Who Got Revenge – Marnie Riches

Revenge is a dish best served deadly…

A twelve-year-old girl is found dead at the Amsterdam port. An old man dies mysteriously in a doctors’ waiting room. Two seemingly unconnected cases, but Inspector Van den Bergen doesn’t think so…

Criminologist George McKenzie is called in to help crack the case before it’s too late. But the truth is far more deadly than anyone can imagine… Can George get justice for the dead before she ends up six-feet under too?

A heart-racing thriller packed with secrets, lies and the ultimate revenge, perfect for fans of Steig Larsson and Jo Nesbo.

Love this series, loved this book. George McKenzie and her lover Van den Bergen are back and boy what a case they are faced with. Human trafficking and unexplained deaths of admittedly quite aged men. Full of the humour, darkness and brilliant plotting that threads through this series, fans will not be disappointed. My review and an extract from the book will be up on the blog this weekend, but you can order your own copy here.

…

Busy week on the blog so here is a recap:

A Grand Old Time by Judy Leigh

My Little Eye by Stephanie Marland

Too Close To Breathe by Olivia Kiernan

The Summer Theatre By The Sea by Tracy Corbett

Deadly Secrets by Robert Bryndza

Keeper by Johana Gustawsson

Cover Reveal: The Picture – Roger Bray

The week ahead is pretty tame in comparison although I do have a few tours on the cards for the Ice Swimmer by Kjell Ola Dahl; Body and Soul by John Harvey; The Dark Web by Christopher Lowery; East if India by Erica Brown (Mandie’s review) and The Girl Who Got Revenge by Marnie Riches.

Do have a fabulously bookish week everyone. I will be mostly reading, studying and possibly (maybe) thinking about starting writing myself. Only possibly maybe ish. But probably not. Bust, busy and all that.

Jen

Rewind, recap: Weekly update w/e 15/04/18 You have to admit - this is not a bad way to start a week huh? It was lush if somewhat sickly but highly recommended.