#it was a weird ass fuckin dream set in a mix of GOT and HP

[the-lady-bryan]

Weird Dreams - 11/20-11/21/2019 - “im a big fluffy snarly fucker!” edition

So. Cold medicine combines with my normal stuff to make really weird ass dreams. This is the result.

I was, i kid you not, a giant fluffy white direwolf and it was fucking awesome.

Our tale begins in the forest. A forest covered in snow to the far north in the mystical land of Westros, and believe me, this is not going to go in the direction you think it’s going to...

So there I was, chilling with this big burly fucker with ginger hair. It's fuckin snowing everywhere and everybody's drunk. It was some kinda of celebration. Then again these people didn’t need much reason to get drunk and party.

And then this asshole pulls out a dagger and some other guys with him pull out weapons and are like "LANNISTERS PAY THEIR DEBTS!" and fuckin kill everyone. And i mean everyfucking one. I rip off some arms because apparently I'm this big white wolf motherfucker just fucking savage and tearing people apart. When it's all said and done, there's only me and this one girl left alive. And I don't wanna go because holy shit the big burly fucker is dead and so is the dude that I've been with since I was a wee little baby wolfie.

After dealing with the dead - and this girl is like "everyone's gettin a proper true north send off" by setting so many fuckin pyres on fire, me and this girl head southwards. And there's this wall, right, and all these fuckers in black. And me and this girl are comin through and they're like "wtf? a lone wildling? holy shit! that wolf belongs to one of our bros who like, wandered off and never came back!"

And the girl and me are given room and board and i flat out refuse to leave her side. and the girl tells the dudes in this castle built into this ice wall what the fuck happened and they send a letter further south. so then after a while this woman shows up with like, a whole fuckin household of people and i recognize her as being a packmate to the dude i hung out with since i was a baby and she's like "where's my brother?" because even though he like, turned out to be a cousin she still calls him brother or whatever. and the girl tells this woman what happened and she's like "you are coming home with me. you both are coming home with me."

And so me and this girl are taken further south to this castle and i'm like ".......the last time i was here i got my ear cut off" but of course nobody can understand me because i'm a fuckin wolf.

The girl turns out to be one of Tormund Giantsbane's daughters but she wasn't one of his actual daughters, she was one that Tormund and Jon took in when her mother died when she was a baby on the trek back North after Jon's exile. The queen, learning she's the adopted daughter of Jon, welcomes her into the family.

Weird ass time skip forward and the girl's grown up and gets married to some idiot and they have a baby. And I'm like, the family pet or some shit. And even though the girl isn't "actually" part of the royal family and isn't "actually" a Stark, she's treated like one at the queen's insistance. And she's given a proper title of Lady and all that, too. She grows old at Winterfell and dies of old age. And I eventually do, too.

So then I woke up for a while had a drink, took more meds because I'm sick as hell, and then went back to sleep.

The next dream I was just chillin in on a bench having a cigarette, definately human this time, on some street when these boys go running past and I'm like "wtf?" and then everything gets fuckin cold as fuck and I'm like "shit. this is real damn familiar..." and so I go heading in the direction the boys had run from because that's where the cold is coming from and there's this tunnel thing and these boys and one's starting to go catatonic and the other's like "shit shit shit i can't reach it!" and without thinking i'm like "fuck this shit!" and pull out a dagger and am like "FUCK YOU FLOATY DEATH THING!" and i stab it and it screams and disappears and then there's this bright flash of light and a giant fuckin deer running past to get the other one and i'm like "wtf was that? wtf is this?"

And that's how i ended up sitting and watching a house on Privet Drive until it exploded with the boy and his family inside because other black robed assholes showed up and i don't know exactly what happened but fuck if i was gonna let that happen to this poor kid again.

unfortunately i realize too late i've brought a sword to a wand fight and it's not gonna go well for me if i don't do something. next thing i know i'm a giant fucking white wolf and i'm ripping off any arm and hand i see attatched to a stick. one asshole had bright blond hair and i'm like "FUCK YOU!" especially much more to that asshole than the others. eventually they disappear and other people show up with sticks in their hands and i'm like "fuck this shit this kid's been through too fucking much already" and i'm digging and sniffing through the rubble to find this most unlucky asshole and when i find him these new wand waving idjits keep tryng to get close but i'm all snarly and growly and won't let them near him until one of 'em turns into a dog and just kinda... barks at me? and i'm like, the wolf equivalent of "fuck off and leave the poor bastard alone he's had a shite day!" and the dog man is like, the equivalent of "that's my godson, now fuck off you oversized fluffy asshole!" and then this dude in a sweater is like "ffs padfoot! don't get your head bitten off it's a goddamn wolf you moron!" and i'm all like "damn right you mangy ass mutt."

There's a bright red light and i'm out cold.

When i come to, i'm where i was but everyone's gone and i start sniffin around and i'm super fucking pissed because this poor kid obviously needs someone to keep an eye on him and these assholes fucking kidnapped him from the remains of his own house. so i'm like, sniffing all over, trying to get their scents and shit, and then i take off. and i'm lookin for this kid for fuckin days, and eventually find him and i'm just kinda... sat across the street from this ratty old townhouse and i'm like "why the fuck can't other people see this shit? this house. it's right here. but like, nobody notices it." and once i ordered a pizza and the pizza man can't fuckin find it and i'm like "ffs this is so damn sketchy" and so i start snooping around and sniffing around and yup, there's definately those people in there and like hell i'm gonna let them hold that boy captive! not on my fuckin watch mate!

now, unknown to me at least 2 people know i'm snooping around on the property and one of 'em is like "wtf is that asshole wolf doing here" (sirius black) and the other one is like "i'm actually fucking impressed this asshole wolf found us" (remus lupin).

eventually i just kinda park my ass beneath a window and refuse to move. and snarl at anything that comes close to the house in my little spot. turns like, directly above me about 3 floors up, is this kid's bedroom window. eventually mangy mutt asshole comes out like a mangy mutt and is like "fuck off!" and i'm like "you fuck off!" and he's like "this is my house! YOU fuck off!" and we get into a fight and i win. it takes the dude that isn't a dog but smells like a dog to come out and break it up and he takes me inside and i'm all scratched up and shit but i don't care i'm sniffin up a storm and then catch the kid's scent and i'm barrelling through this place, find him, and fuckin tackle him. and i'm sittin on him like a giant ass lap dog right, and he's like "wtf?" and then mangy ass shows up and is all snarly and i'm all snarly and dog smell man is like "so uh... harry. did you get a dog over the summer?" and the kid's like "no?" and i'm trying to decide if i should become human again or not because already this is a hard to describe situation and the longer i wait the more awkward it's going to become.

i decide against it for now because i'm likely to get thrown out.

bushy haired girl cleans me up tho, and i refuse to leave this Harry kid's side. No matter what. and then this asshole shows up in the house some days later and i'm like super snarly at him because i recognize that smell. that smell was at the house explosion and hey hey! he's fuckin limping where i chewed on his ass. and i flat out growl at this motherfucker because why is he here? this is supposed to be, i've gathered, a safe place for this kid. supposedly. i'm not too keen on that ginger woman, the little ginger girl, or that dude in the multi colored dresses. they smell.... off. anyway so i'm like, totally overblown protection mode and the redheaded kids are all like "yeah, even this weird ass giant dog knows he's a greasy twat" and this dude is real fuckin nervous around me and makes sure his ass don't stay long.

so anyway, me and mangy mutt asshole kinda make peace because it's clear my big white fluffy ass ain't going anywhere and neither is he. and the dog smelling man is really nice.

weird ass dream timeskip and i'm kinda low key pissed that the kid's gone and i couldn't go with him. and i wait till people are all out of the house and the mangry mutt man is drunk and sleeping before turning into a human again for the first time in a long while and i'm like "so.... nobody's here. i'mma stretch my legs and get some real human food and have me a smoke." and so i do this sometimes when nobody's around until one day dog smelling man catches me in the library because i'm fuckin bored outta my mind and decided to read upon this magic bullshit. and boy did this not be a good idea.

but i do manage to talk him around to not alerting others, but mangy mutt just HAD to be an asshole about it and i'm like "look dudes, that kid had some nasty wraith looking motherfuckers after him and then his house blew the fuck up i wasn't gonna just leave his ass when he could barely protect himself! especially when these weird motherfuckers showed up waving sticks around just like the assholes that blew up his house!" and they're like "......alright. fair enough. but fuck you're a dude! not a dog!" and i'm like "nah man i'm just me. i've always been like this." and they're like "holy shit. and you don't have magic?" and i'm like "no shit." and they call me a squib or some shit like that. i don't really care.

anyway the three of us get chill and i get to read books and shit when no one else is around but them. and i'm reading, right. and there's all these history books and i'm like "wow this shit's really cool." and then there's this book right, and it's like, the "black family history" or some shit. and i'm reading it. and it goes waaaaay back and then it changes languages a few times and i'm like "holy fuck! you guys seen this shit?!" and i'm reading this one section and mangry mutt is like "holy shit! you can actually read that?!" and i'm like "yeah. it's plain fuckin english mate" and he's like "no, it's not. we don't know what the fuck it is." and it turns out that this mangry mutt asshole is decended of a dude who was part of some group in ancient times called the Night's Watch, and his family gets their name from the people that were in it who were said to "take the black" when they joined and i'm like ".....this seems awfully suspicious and weirdly familiar...." and we go digging through the library and the house and deep in the basement there's this sword, right. and i'm like "holy fuck! i dream about this sword!" and mangy mutt is like "hey, the handle on that looks kinda like you!" and i'm like "yeah, it kinda does..." and this shit's getting super fucking weird right.

so then there's this emergency that happens and i turn back into a dog and everybody's runnin around like "omg! harry's in trouble! omg! shit's going down at the ministry!" and i'm like "you fuckers better take me to harry!" and of course mangy mutt doesn't even think twice even though everybody else is like "damn it sirius you gotta keep your ass here!"

and so of fucking course he takes me with him and when we get there shit just pops the fuck off.

my mangy mutt bro is killed. i chase after that dumb ass kid and fucking eviscerate that bitch that killed my mangy bro and even this kid is like "wtf?!" and then the old guy in a dress shows up to fight this one fucker with no nose and i'm like all snarly and bloody and shit and like "nobody's gonna fuck with my humans you magical motherfuckers!"

when is all is said and done, i jump in the fountain to get a bit clean and then refuse to leave that kid's side and then the old fucker with the dress shows up and there's all these cameras and people and shit and i'm like "we're just gonna nope out of here now"

So i woke up again. and i stayed up for most of the evening. when i finally went to bed after eating, taking my cocktail of medications, and then passed the fuck out, this is what transpired next in my weird ass dreams...

So there i was, sitting at the end of a bed in my mangy mutt friend's house, and Harry's there and he's all sad. it's been a hell of a year. and then there's a bird on the window, but not his bird. it's a big ass black raven and it's got a letter for Harry. and i'm still a dog. this kid does NOT know that i'm actually a person. and at this point i think if he finds out so soon after our mutual mangy mutt has died, it might just send him around the bend. so only dog smelling man, who i now know is a fuckin werewolf once in a while, is literally the only one that knows i'm a person.

so Harry takes the letter and he reads it and he's really confused. like "wtf is this?" so he takes it to remus and remus is like "it's from the bank. we really need to go deal with this." and so the three of us sneak out and go to the bank and the bank people are like "ah, yes. welcome your grace right this way!" and me and remus and harry are like "wtf?" and then we end up going to a conference room and theres other goblin bankers and they all are like "fucking finally we've got you here!"

and it turns out that his mother Lily was descended of Tormund Giantsbane and Jon Snow's adopted daughter Lyra, who was adopted after their death into House Stark by a fuckin ancient queen. And now Harry's like, a fuckin prince at this point because all those other branches of the bloodline died out and shit. And Harry's like "wtf?" and remus is also like "wtf?" and i'm like "....so fuckin much makes so much sense now. this stupid little shit is a Snow. of course i got stuck with his stupid ass. they never know any damn thing!" and i'm still a dog at this point right. so these goblins are filling poor harry in on shit and eventually he's told he has a fuckin castle and shit. oh, and that he's inherited all his dad's shit and his godfather's shit, too.

so off we go to see this castle right? and it's fucking Winterfell. and i'm like "wtf? has this always been here?" and the goblins are like "when the last Stark left Winterfell, the magic of the land hid this place." and harry's like "but uh... i'm descended from an adopted kid who was later like, double adopted" and the goblin is like "yes. that's true. BUT.... let me show you this over here" and he takes us deeper into the castle and remus is like, gettin really fuckin edgy but i'm not because i'm like "it's motherfucking winterfell! i'm HOME! well, as close as Home will ever be because honestly i'm meant to be much further north than this but this'll do."

And then i smell it. I smell something so wonderful and so amazing and i'm like shooting ahead of them and i come out in this big ass room and there's my boy! there's my Jon! and he's alive and whole and wonderful and there's that big burly motherfucker! and i'm dashing off and tackling Jon to the ground and yappy and happy and Harry's like "i don't fuckin understand what the fuck is going on here?" and Remus is like "y....y...... WHAT THE FUCK I KNOW YOU!" and Jon's like "eh...... so there was this thing that happened....." and it turns out that when the wildlings were massacred Jon didn't actually die. He was sort of put into this weird death-like state. Because the fucker can't die. he already died. and now he can never die. and i'm like "but....but you were dead!" and then Tormund's like "honestly i don't know what the fuck happened to me. i just woke up and there this asshole was grinning at me like a damn fool."

And it turns out that somehow Jon's weird ass immortality was like, shared with Tormund? I don't know. i don't fuckin care. and the goblin is like "so, Prince Harry, you see, there's a Stark in the castle again. And so the castle has reappeared." and they're like "fuck off with that formal shit. we want to adopt you." and remus is like "......you're lily's weird uncle!" because it's finally hit him where he knows Tormund from. and tormund is like "and you're that little toerag of a husband's friend." and harry's like "Wait a fuckin minute! you knew my mom! why the fuck didn't you look for me after my parents died?!" and Jon's like "we did. we never stopped looking for you. and when the goblins said they'd finally seen you when you were eleven, we tried to reach you. Owls were diverted. Ravens couldn't even locate you and they're a hell of a lot more reliable than owls let me tell you. We finally had to send Ghost out to search for you. When he didn't come back for over a year we thought the worst had happened. Honestly, we thought after nearly six years the poor pup was dead. Then we find out from the goblins you've been found, only to be hidden again, but there was a giant white dog with you."

So anyway, Harry ends up staying at the castle. And right now it's just a bunch of house elves, me, Remus, Jon and Tormund. and Remus is coming and going because he's playing spy for us with the Order because he thinks Dumbles was hiding Harry from Jon and Tormund who were willing to take Harry in the moment they found out about Lily and James's murder.

Anyway, weird ass time skip and Harry hasn't gone back to Hogwarts. Voldy's war has escalated. There's no horcruxes but his scar's bothering him, and he's found out i can turn into a person.

There's some other people in the castle now - one is the bushy haired girl. And there's a few ginger haired young men. And Remus has been teaching them magic and Jon's been teaching most of them swordfighting. Except for bushy girl and one of the ginger twins. Tormund is teaching them. Bushy girl has been learning archery and ginger twin one has been using a fuckin battle axe. and it's fucking awesome as hell.

also, apparently the Dementors were the remnants of the White Walkers and their undead soldier assholes and my dagger was made of dragonglass and that's what can kill dementors. so, that was a thing.

the last thing of note before i woke up was when the death eaters attacked Winterfell, i remember Jon commenting that lucius (now dead at his feet) must have been descended of the Targaryans because he sure as shit looked like one of the crazy family fuckers. and Tormund was like "didn’t you used to fuck your auntie, little crow". and then i ripped off snape's wand arm and woke up.