#it’s Dead Poets Society and House MD all over again

[1mlostnow]

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 27th of July, is this young man's birthday. Though it was years ago he was given life, it is only today that he will be given a name.

What will the name of this young man be?

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🐸 The Basics :

Name : Evan

Pronouns : He/Him

Age : A minor!!

Gender : Male

Sexuality : Gay

Nationality : American

Star Sign : Leo

MBTI : INTJ-T

I love nicknames, call me whatever.

I’m usually around from 8AM to 1AM CDT.

Music sideblog : @evan-radio

🐛 My Resume :

Loser CEO, the ‘weird kid’ since birth, Professional Ghostbuster, Supervillian, and Midwestern Cowboy (the fun way, not the cop way), Lab Experiment #0727

🪲 My Music :

AJJ, boygenius, Bug Hunter, Cage The Elephant, Car Seat Headrest, Crywank, Lemon Demon, Lord Huron, Los Campesinos!, MCR, Noah Kahan, ODO, Pat The Bunny, Radiohead, Rex Orange County, Seb Lowe, Sleep Token, Tally Hall, Tame Impala, Teen Suicide, TFB, The Smiths, Vundabar, Weezer :/, Will Wood/WWATT, Wingnut Dishwashers Union, and more.

🐢 Tags :

# evan speaks -> I talk. A lot. // # evan rants -> I tend to be very emotional // # evan’s memories -> nostalgia mode // # evan can’t vote -> US politics // # evan draws -> my art // # EvanRadio -> my sideblog for music // # i love my mutuals -> typically multiple mutual appreciation posts per day

🐍 Rules & Boundaries :

I’m a minor!! Don’t be weird!!

Obviously, any form of discrimination is off limits.

Cringe culture is dead, all are welcome, and I’m always open to learning.

Asks and anons are open, notifs are off so feel free to spam, but I can’t promise I’ll see it right away. Absolutely feel free to interact and ask, I will have full convos w/ you through reblogs. I answer DMs on a case-by-case basis. If you are over 18, please do not DM me.

🦎 Fandoms and characters ->

★ Dead Poets Society

★ House MD

★ Supernatural

★ Sherlock

★ Ghostbusters

★ Homestuck

🦖 Incoming fandoms ->

★ Hannibal, Good Omens, Saw

🐊 Backseat Fandoms ->

★ IT, Stranger Things, Over The Garden Wall, Scooby-Doo

🦚 Fandom Graveyard ->

★ Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Creepypasta

🦜 Kinnies ->

★ Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)

★ Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)

★ Castiel (Supernatural)

★ Steven Meeks (Dead Poets Society)

★ Richie Tozier (IT 2017)

★ Rory Keaner (My Babysitter’s A Vampire)

🪛 Other Movies :

The Truman Show, Stand By Me, Velvet Goldmine, Jaws, The Goonies, Breakfast Club

🐉 Other Interests :

Reading, writing, art (drawing, painting, digital and traditional), etymology, science, history, math, forensics, biology, marching band (alto sax), sharks

🔋 Other Facts :

- I love my car like it’s my child #TOMATER SUPREMACY 🦚

- Richard Cameron Defender for life (see here)🐊

- Blog theme changes frequently 🦖

- i LOVE doing little doodles and drawings of my friends 🐢

- I love my mutuals and you guys are my best friends btw 🐍

- More mouse bites!! This vexes me! Medicine drug!! 🦎

- ADHD 🪲

- I’ve got a bad habit of viewing notifications but never responding to them, if this happens please just tag me again 📗

🦠 A Note :

I am very indecisive and this post will be edited very often (see counter below)

🧪 Dead Poets Society :

@pingunaa @ghostboyhood @wordssricochet @meekspeaks @poetsinnyc @wilsons-three-legged-siamese @midwest-quill @apparitiongnostic @de4d-poet-kisser @yourfavvgal @asclexe @lv3buzzz

If I forgot someone/if you want to be added just lmk :)) if I forgot you I’m so so sorry

Edited - |||| ||

[tennessee-igetlow]

About Me!

I'm Olly, I'm 14 (for now) and from England (unfortunately), and this is my third tumblr account ever (we do not talk about the other ones) but this is my first time actually trying to be active, yay! Some things about me are that I'm in a band and love playing guitar and singing, and write my own songs, I like to crochet and just make things in general, and I like going on walks!

Click below for (un)interesting stuff 👀

Interests:

--------------------------

General:

I am a nerd about a lottt of things, I love music, I love video games, and I like being a fandom weirdo. I like watching Dan and Phil too :3.

Music:

Manic Street Preachers, The velvet Underground, Dead Kennedys <3

Also....:

The Smiths, Operation Ivy, Will Wood, Green Day, Against Me!, Car Seat Headrest, Lou Reed, Tally Hall, Pulp, Ramones, Mitski, Echo & The Bunnymen, My Chemical Romance, David Bowie, Radiohead, The Clash, Subhumans, Misfits, Shauna Dean Cokeland, The Cure, Nirvana, Crass, John Cale, Joy Division, Bad Religion, Descendents, Stiff Little Fingers, Limp Wrist, G.L.O.S.S., Sonic Youth, Rancid, Conflict, Minor Threat, Titus Andronicus, Reagan Youth, Suede, Fall Out Boy, Silverchair, Bauhaus, & Sisters Of Mercy

Films:

Dead Poets Society, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, What We Do in the Shadows <3

Also....:

Cornetto Trilogy, Pink Flamingos, The Man Who Fell To Earth, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shock Treatment, all the star treks, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Dog Day Afternoon, The Breakfast Club, My Best Friend is a Vampire, Ghostwatch, American Psycho, The Machinist, Mysterious Skin, Little Miss Sunshine, Pride, As You Are, Jojo Rabbit, Trainspotting, Rumble Fish, Christine

TV:

House MD, The Mighty Boosh, Torchwood <3

Also....:

Black Books, Community, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, Ghosts, Good Omens, The IT Crowd, Misfits, Our Flag Means Death, Patrick Melrose, Peep Show, Sherlock, Star Trek once again, Toast of London, What We Do in the Shadows, Mythic Quest

I don't have a dni or anything just be chill, and that's all really! :3

[madeline-kahn]

2022 in gifsets

I did a tag game a couple days ago that was to post your most popular and favorite set of each month but I also like to do a full list of at least some of my more major series of edits

PSCentral Event Creations:

December: dancing in 2022 film

November: Meg Ryan/Nora Ephron movies

October: girl group trios

September: Star Wars references to Beastie Boys

August: Bronco tour setlist

July: Best original score winners of the 1990s

June: Set it Up

May: Cillian Murphy in Free Fire

April: Noises Off...

March: Women and non-binary actors in Shakespeare

February: Jessie Buckley in The Lost Daughter

Dancing in Film:

Best of 2001: Moulin Rouge!

Best of 2002: Chicago

Best of 2021: Encanto

2022 movies (also a PSCentral event post)

Dancing in Oscar nominated movies

Bring it On: All or Nothing

Ron Mael in The Sparks Brothers

Bridgerton

Music in Film: 

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (score)

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (soundtrack)

Noises Off...

The French Dispatch (score)

The French Dispatch (soundtrack)

The Tragedy of Macbeth

Eternals (soundtrack)

Eternals (score)

Belfast

C’mon C’mon

Lemonade Mouth

This is Spinal Tap

Luca (soundtrack)

Vivaldi’s Summer in ice skating

Best Original Song nominees 2022

Best Original score nominees 2022

Shang-Chi (soundtrack)

Shang-Chi (score)

Karaoke Duets

Valentine’s Day

West Side Story 2022

O Brother Where Art Thou

Life of Pi

Song of the Sea

Cyrano

The Batman (soundtrack)

The Batman (score)

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Stick It

Robin Hood

Summer of Soul

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

The Princess Diaries

Best original score winners of the 1990s

Brother Bear

Risky Business

A Cinderella Story

The Breakfast Club

Honor Society

Reservoir Dogs

Prey

Xanadu

Romeo & Juliet

Hackers

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Mamma Mia/Mamma Mia Here We Go Again songs

Top Gun: Maverick score

Top Gun: Maverick soundtrack

Nope

Sleepless in Seattle

Night at the Museum

Freaky Friday

The Big Chill

Thor: Love and Thunder

Do Revenge

Bodies Bodies Bodies

Turning Red

Night at the Museum 2

Howl’s Moving Castle

Hocus Pocus 2

The Final Girls

Scream 2

Grim grinning ghosts music in movies

The Princess Diaries 2

Scream 3

Megamind

1989 World Tour

Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1

Scooby Doo

Scream 4

Werewolf by Night

Rosaline

X 2022

Scooby Doo 2

Night at the Museum 3

Girl group trios (also a PSCentral event post)

Scream 2022

Monster High The Movie

#666 Devil Songs

The Electric Horseman

Enola Holmes 2

Wendell & Wild

Zoolander

A Christmas Carol musical adaptations

Music in TV:

Ted Lasso (Rainbow)

Bridgerton

Heartstopper (p1)

Heartstopper (p2)

Heartstopper (p3)

Heartstopper (p4)

Stranger Things (p1)

Stranger Things (p2)

Stranger Things (p3)

Stranger Things (p4)

Stranger Things (p5)

Favorite 2022 releases:

Bronco (Orville Peck)

The Loneliest Time (Carly Rae Jepsen)

Being Funny in a Foreign Language (The 1975)

Hits to the Head (Franz Ferdinand)

Heartstopper

Cyrano

Quote edits:

Downton Abbey + Daytona Sand

Dead Poets Society + Bigger Than the Whole Sky

Downton Abbey + Michael

House MD + Midnight Rain

Shadow and Bone + Persuasion

Amadeus + jealousy jealousy

Taylor Swift + you all over me

Downton Abbey + my baby’s taking me home

Taylor Swift + legacy

Ted Lasso + I Know it’s Over

Taylor Swift + Daylight

Downton Abbey + falling in love

Taylor Swift + Invisible String

Misc film:

Ariana Debose awards

Love Actually

Wednesday (Makeup looks)

Do Revenge (Beastie Boys shirt)

Do Revenge (Godard reference)

Werewolf by Night

The Princess Bride

Nope (Jupe’s suit)

Clue (Jane Wiedlin)

Dunkirk

The French Dispatch

Beauty and the Beast (I want a rose)

Free Fire

Olivia Rodrigo driving home 2 u

Kodi Smit-McPhee in The Power of the Dog

Ben Whishaw in Julius Caesar

Taylor Swift in Valentine’s Day

Noises Off...

Crush (teen movie references)

Crush (director names)

Encanto top shots

Fruitblr: Arsenic and Old Lace

Fruitblr: Monty Python

Fruitblr: Luca (coffee)

Fruitblr: Groundhog Day

Misc TV:

Bridgerton (Edwina)

Bridgerton (Violet and Lady Danbury)

Bridgerton (dog)

Bridgerton (bees)

Downton Abbey

The Durrells in Corfu

Peaky Blinders (Anya)

Sparks on Gilmore Girls

Stranger Things (audio descriptions)

Stranger Things (Lumax at the movies)

TV Week: The Durrells in Corfu

TV Week: Shadow and Bone

TV Week: BBC Ghosts

TV Week: Ted Lasso

TV Week: Downton Abbey

TV Week: Heartstopper

Julie and the Phantoms

Unfinished business

Types of mutuals

Friends react (Rush shirt)

Friends react (dilfs)

Friends react (Wake Up)

Friends react (Bright)

Friends react (Caleb)

Juke + let me dance for you

Julie + Wonder Girl

Luke + Edith Piaf said it better

All That

Wordle

Valentines

Luke

Misc music:

Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?

Billy Goodbye

All My Exes Live in Texas

Outta Time

The Curse of the Blackened Eye

Fruits of My Labour

Bria

Fruit mentions in Three MC’s and One DJ

Fruit mentions in No Sleep Til Brooklyn

Her music video choreography

Stand on the Horizon

Drive Me Crazy

Green Green Rocky Road

Legends Never Die

Bronco tour Seattle

More Bronco tour Seattle

Bronco tour wardrobe

Taylor Swift barefoot in music videos

I Bet You Think About Me

Lover (music video)

Lover album

Paper Rings film concept

Taylor Swift + pink

Taylor Swift + 2021 seasons

Parallels:

Disenchanted/Beauty and the Beast

Wednesday/Sweet Charity

Downton Abbey pilot/New Era film

Harriet Walter Emmy nominations

C’mon Baby Cry/Fosse

First Kill/The Neon Demon

All Too Well/Dazed and Confused

Downton Abbey movies + Molesely

Billy Elliot/CODA

Multi film concepts:

Morissey impressions

Magicians

Israel Hands in TV and movies

Jessie Plemons BP nominees

Movie themed Wordle

Black and white movies in 2021

[robloxes]

I posted 826 times in 2021

21 posts created (3%)

805 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 38.3 posts.

I added 293 tags in 2021

#ghostbusters - 107 posts

#house md - 100 posts

#movies - 20 posts

#the real ghostbusters - 17 posts

#dyspraxia - 17 posts

#hilson - 11 posts

#robert sean leonard - 7 posts

#yeah <3 - 5 posts

#rsl - 5 posts

#neurodivergent - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 93 characters

#why are these called incorrect ghostbusters quotes when every one i have seen is 100% factual

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Yeah House MD and Dead Poets Society are different pieces of media but the fandom is the same. A bunch of queer people looking at the character RSL plays and saying ‘yeah this one is closeted and in love with their best friend.’

77 notes • Posted 2021-08-24 23:57:18 GMT

#4

The sad thing about House MD being over is that we’ll probably never have the same level of feral homosexuality on prime time TV again

104 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 15:19:45 GMT

#3

Ghostbusters tumblr is just 10 lgbt+/neurodivergent blogs posting about how the ghostbusters are lgbt+/neurodivergent

108 notes • Posted 2021-03-17 23:51:52 GMT

#2

I love that there’s a very distinct line between people who are attracted to Robert Sean Leonard in Dead Poets Society vs Robert Sean Leonard in House MD. Young twink vs tired bisexual divorcé.

142 notes • Posted 2021-08-21 21:11:18 GMT

#1

Still reeling from the fact that the ending of season 8 is canon. Wilson telling House that he needs to hear him say that he loves him, House telling Wilson that he needs him, then when they find out that his tumour hasn’t shrunk and he has 6 months to live, House literally throws his whole life away, his ability to practice medicine, the thing that we are told is the only thing he cares about, because in reality it’s Wilson. In the end all he ever needed was Wilson.

249 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 23:55:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[jackmansjoy]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @freakygirlsworld thanks love❤️

last

1. drink - hazelnut coffee 2. phone call - i think it was my grandma? 3. text message - lmao so it was to one of my middle school teachers and it said “wait what the hell? seriously?” angsty, I know lol 4. song you listened to - Found Tonight by Ben Platt and Lin-Manuel Miranda (seriously so good check it out if you haven’t) 5. time you cried - Monday I think

ever 6. dated someone twice? - Yeaaahhh and it was dumb  7. kissed someone and regretted it - Uh definitely 8. been cheated on - Yeah that sucked too 9. lost someone special - Yeah I for sure have. Several people.  10. been depressed - Yeah that tends to happen when you have clinical depression. Weird concept, I know. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - You know. I’d like to say no. Normally I can handle my alcohol, however I learned that when you chug like 4 different kinds of alcohol within a short amount of time your body doesn’t like that. Yeah learned my lesson there. At least college taught me something amiright?

fave colours 12. Purple 13. Blue 14. Grey

in the last year have you… 15. made new friends - Yeah for sure 16. fallen out of love - Oh yeah.  17. laughed until you cried - Several times haha 18. found out someone was talking about you - Bruh I swear two faced bitches are everywhere. So this is a  f a t  yes. 19. met someone who changed you -  Most of the people I have met this year have changed me and my outlook on life in some way. 20. found out who your friends are - This one has been unfortunately all too real. It’s sucked but in the end I’m glad I’m learning who’s really here for me and who’s not. 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - Lmao nooo

general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - Basically all of them except maybe like a handful 23. do you have any pets - Yesss. My baby boi Teddy. He’s a 3 year old teddy bear puppy. So just a wonderful little ball of fluff. He’s my child and I love him with all my heart.  24. do you want to change your name - I used to want to. Because like I used to think the name Ciera was such trash because the only nickname/way to shorten it was C and no one wanted to do that so like. I was biter. But now I’m actually pretty okay with the name. So the only way my name is getting changed is if a miracle happens and I somehow get married.  25. what did you do for your last birthday- My family threw a small pizza party for me at a local bar in our town. Which was rigged because since I’m not at the legal age to consume alcohol they got a round of free drinks since it was my birthday and I sat there drinking a soda. They thought it was the funniest thing in the world. But it was cool having my aunts and uncles and cousins together at a time other than a holiday. So that was legit. 26. what time did you wake up today - Lmao ya’ll coming for me here... like 12pm... I have no defense, I just like sleep.  27. what were you doing at midnight last night - Pretending to study math while actually learning the lyrics to Hamilton (my current obsession along with tgs and Dear Evan Hansen).  28. what is something you cant wait for - This school year to be over because ya girl is stressed af. But also waiting for my DVD copy of tgs.  30. what are you listening to right now-  Right Hand Man from Hamilton 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - I know two people named Tom actually! The first Tom I know is a really good friend of my aunt and uncle and he’s just a happy drunk man. I enjoy him. He’s cool. The other Tom I know was a family friend of a family that I went camping this year. We both had been drinking and this Tom guy and I had a really intense conversation about depression and anxiety around a fire and it was rad. Tom was talking about how it was bullshit that society doesn’t talk about it much and how he just got diagnosed with anxiety and shit.  32. something that’s getting on your nerves - Everything lmao. Nah I’m kidding. Um it gets on my nerves when people make fun of someone for loving something. Like don’t give me shit for finding something that makes me happy you piece of shit. i don’t care if you don’t like it or think it’s dumb, i love it so go away. Sorry that got too angsty lmao 33. most visited website - Either Tumblr or YouTube. 34. hair colour - Dark brown (almost black but not quite there) 35. long or short hair - Short hair. Pixie cuts for days bois 36. do you have a crush on someone - Yeah see I don’t really know. maybe? not really? I don’t know. feelings are confusing guys.  37. what do you like about yourself - My eyes. They’re pretty rad.  38. want any piercings? - I used to want to get my lip pierced but I’m less emo now so like probably not.  39. blood type - Lmao I feel like actual trash for not knowing this?? But yeah no clue sorry lol  40. nicknames - I’m lame and my name is stupid so the only thing I got is C. 41. relationship status - Single af. In the odd shot that any of you lovely people wanna change that my inbox is open lmfao I’m so sad ignore that 42. zodiac - Scorpio ;) 43. pronouns - She/her 44. fave tv shows - House MD, NCIS, Supernatural, Once Upon a Time, yeah I’m sure there are a bunch more but I can’t think right now 45. tattoos - I have one but want more. I have one on my collarbone area that says “Inhale the future exhale the past” with some birds 46. right or left handed - Right  47. ever had surgery - No and I’m thankful because the concept of it scares the hell out of me lol 48. piercings - I’ve had my ears pierced like twice but I let the holes close both times. just not my scene 49. sport - My favorite sport to watch is probably football or hockey but my favorite sport to play is softball.  50. vacation - My favorite vacation I’ve ever been on was a cruise to the Bahamas. My dream vacation would be Australia and New Zealand.   51. trainers - Wot? I’m confused lol

more general 52. eating - I don’t eat consistently. Like I’m terrible. I usually only eat once a day?  53. drinking - I drink a lot. like I’m always thirsty af 54. i’m about to watch - Probably The Greatest Showman tbh 55. waiting for - My friends to come online because I’m bored 56. want - To see a Broadway production 57. get married - Eventually I’m hoping to 58. career - Yeah I really don’t know what I want to do with my life right now but I’m leaning towards teaching for a number of reasons. 

which is better 59. hugs or kisses - Hugs are you kidding me. They’re the best.  60. lips or eyes - Eyes all the way.  61. shorter or taller - Taller 62. older or younger - Lmao is that even a question? Older.  63. nice arms or stomach - Nice arms for sure.  64. hookup or relationship - Relationship. Don’t come at me with a hookup dude I’m too emotional for that shit.  65. troublemaker or hesitant - Depends on the situation but in all honesty more hesitant

have you ever 66. kissed a stranger - Nope  67. drank hard liquor - Lmao.. umm... yeah  68. lost glasses - Yeah and it was terrible because do you know how hard it is to look for something when you’re like blind??  69. turned someone down - Yeah like once or twice.  70. sex on first date - Nah bro.  71. broken someones heart - Yeah unfortunately 72. had your heart broken - Oh yeah for sure.. 73. been arrested - Nope 74. cried when someone died - Uh yeah of course. 75. fallen for a friend - Lmao dude it’s like my specialty. 

do you believe in... 76. yourself - Not really. Not as much as I should.  77. miracles - Maybe. Depends on the situation I guess.  78. love at first sight - Again.. Maybe.  79. santa claus - Lol no. that magic was taken away from me.  80. kiss on a first date- Hey if it feels right who am I to stop it 81. angels - I believe that people who die watch over you but I don’t believe in the things with the wings and harps and stuff.  82. best friend’s name - Talia <3 83. eye colour - Hazel 84. fave movie - I can’t pick one don’t do this.. The Greatest Showman, Logan, The Breakfast Club, The Prestige, and Dead Poet’s Society 85. fave actor - Is this even a question? HUGH JACKMAN. HANDS DOWN. ALL THE WAY. HUGH. MF. JACKMAN. 

Lmao sorry this is so long. Oops. 

I’m tagging: @three-wishes-not-granted @rewritting-the-stars @no-more-living-in-the-shadows @thegreatestjxckman @teasockschocolate

[wendylewis-blog]

05.14.2020 /MamasDay+M-Th

Mamas’ Day

My friend Annie sent me a link this morning. I’m embarrassed that I never knew the actual history of Mothers’ Day.  I’ve made the grave mistake for years, it appears as of this morning, dismissing the event as just another Hallmark holiday created to ramp up national consumerism—out of sincerity or duty. Actually, the bigger story has been omitted from American history. The patriarchy (not YOU, men I love) strikes again! There is real feminist significance attached to this day, which deserves not only our attention—but also, our reverence. 

Teaser. “Mothers’ Day”—with the apostrophe not in the singular spot, but in the plural—actually started in the 1870s, when the sheer enormity of the death caused by the Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War convinced American women that women must take control of politics from the men who had permitted such carnage. Mothers’ Day was not designed to encourage people to be nice to their mothers. It was part of women’s effort to gain power to change modern society.  

Thank you, Heather Cox Richardson. I suggest following her with an easy click at the end of the link and/or follow her on Twitter. She posts daily, is politically savvy and keeps it concise/in-depth/readable. 

After canceling the initial Mothers’ Day plan with H/G/bbE/K because of bad weather, which would have put us inside the house, Kitty ended up in CF anyway to grab items I’d purchased for her at Costco. We spent an hour outside in the chilly grey afternoon by the fire pit after gathering kindling and firewood. She brought me brownies, a herby Italian verde sauce she’d made and a bottle of rye whiskey. H/G/bbE surprised me an hour later with a request via text to come into the yard in five minutes and brought tomato and pepper plants (woot!) for my garden. We all watched Ezra TV in the driveway for an hour. We especially enjoyed the episode featuring him teething on the steering wheel. Creative work, little man! 

After they left, I poured myself a stiff drink and stared out the studio window into early evening. A gentle rain was falling. I let circumstance go, let sadness and angst go. I washed my turgid blackboard down and tried to embrace some peaceful emptiness. I was in bed long before 10pm, sliding willingly into the time warp sleep provides for me lately. It was another bittersweet time with my people—not touching, not sitting at a table together, not able to relax into each other the way we would have a couple months ago. But, they are my family and it is never a diminishing return to be with them. Thank you for driving down to see us even though we had called the gathering off. It was a good Mothers’ Day. I love you all more than I can express!

My dreams that night were flush with all things post-apocalyptic. I was in an office building transformed into a flophouse of endless lonely cubicles, bare mattresses thrown down on synthetic grey carpet, bland tan fabric divider walls too short and porous to provide any privacy, a random empty chair here and there—askew, the bathroom’s flickering florescent light pulsing numbly through its plastic diamond-textured ceiling panel. I felt a disconnected calm inside me—a dead calm as I moved through the building. Everyone I saw in there was a stranger—except for an old bandmate I ended up in bed with— so impossible and surreal. It wasn’t the act, gratefully omitted, but the aftermath scenario instead—exposed, mannequin-esque bodies, no desire, no connection, no tenderness—only his crushing possessiveness after I explained that I had many other lovers even though I knew they didn’t matter either. I turned his noise off undramatically, easily as his panic escalated—the click of a switch—like turning off bad radio. He vanished, seemed to dematerialize on the dark street, leaving only strangers hanging on the corners, propped against buildings, inert yet somehow, guardian—but I felt nothing—nothing at all. Alive but dead inside. 

Mon

I woke up at 4:30AM. Shared dream details with B before he headed off to a fresh pot of coffee and work. I always benefit from his insightful (often hilarious) perspective on my intrepid darknesses, asleep or awake. In a previous issue of Lockdown, I’d queried how the virus and physical distancing might affect our intimacies going forward, the dream standing as the latest metaphor. I laid back down, folding into the quiet of my bed and may have slept awhile longer, still rising before dawn. 

Hours were spent in my garden that morning turning over soil in the crisp air, laying straw tiles separated from the bale in the wheelbarrow after cutting the blue plastic string. I laid them over the mulch that had cooked over the summer of 2019, which I’d lovingly spread a few days prior, prepping the ground for seeds that are en route to me: bush beans, marigolds, arugula, mustard, zinnia and nasturtium seeds from my sister, cilantro and basil from Etsy and those MD tomato and pepper seedlings from H+G. It’s been difficult to find non-GMO seeds around here—the same way it’s still hard to find TP, hand sanitizer, and lately, yeast and flour. I planted cilantro, Mexican tarragon, and basil plants I’d found in Northfield in pots, thyme and mint along garden edge that meets my front stoop. 

The morning felt hushed, orderly—my act of civility engaging with living things that don’t speak but offer company and require only my willingness to share a piece of earth with them. Before the sun reached over the garden, I decided to put in one cherry tomato plant because a tomato cage represented future sustenance. I could imagine the little plant growing tall to fill the cage, yellow flowers appearing before the fruit. It felt romantic and I succumbed. I watered everything, filled the bird feeder and headed off to Redwing to run an errand.

It felt good to drive the winding two-lane roads between overwintered, as yet unturned spring fields, slipping down the bluff lines along the Cannon River, the sun all full of itself. The sky was cerulean blue with tiny cotton ball clusters of clouds. The world beyond my windshield seemed serene and normal—even pastoral—a momentary ruse worth believing against the numbing dripdripdrip of our internment. Returning home, I cleaned the kitchen with a similar communion felt with the garden and highways. FaceTimed with a friend and planned a fire pit hootenanny with him and a few friends soon, walked the dog and sat on the stoop overlooking the yard. We ate soup from B’s mama for dinner (thank you, Helen), brought in the tender herb pots for the night and was ready to sleep before 8:30, a rarity for me. I have to say, it felt like a pretty good day! I count them all, good or not. 

Tues

It dipped just below freezing again last night and I really thought that sweet li’l cherry tomato plant that looked so sturdy yesterday could handle it but, ooof!—it’s droopy, quietly murdered overnight. Another casualty of Corona Times, like a broken promise, a breach of trust. I jerked it out of the ground without any tenderness and tossed it into the yard where it will eventually make love with mower blades and clipped grasses. I was mad at myself, of course. It’s just one tomato plant and I have more perched on the radiator under the south facing window, lined up like fresh recruitments ready for service. Still, each seedling, especially this year, feels like an individual. 

I’m alarmed with the message being conveyed by the White House in recent days—normalizing the loss of life, the US population being at least encouraged and possibly forced back into a virulent world with the expectation that we can save the collapsing economy. The grim reaper is leaning casually on his sickle next to my dead tomato plant, the one I exposed to the elements too soon, the one I planted with careless impunity to serve my immediate desire. 

Please listen to this conversation on Pema Chodron’s book When Things Fall Apart. I ordered it after years of intending to and it’s on the way. I will set it on the bookshelf next to my worn copies of Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet, the Tao te Ching and Dillard’s For the Time Being. Reference books for being alive, human and uncertain. 

JFTR. On Being continues to win me over. Here’s another one if you decide to check it out. She’s really smart and this guest, Ocean Vuong—brilliant. 

Wed 

A beautiful essay penned by Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s son Rodrigo. Thanks, C, for sending—and for the seeds which arrived today. I didn’t plant more today because still freezing overnight. 

My college roommate long friend Toni linked me to this article over the weekend. It was SO fkn HELPFUL. It breaks down how the virus gets spread in a very practical way that you can use every day. This article is exactly why my fam and I reeled ourselves back from having lunch inside my house on Mothers’ Day. Everyone agreed.

Colbert has been killing it, as always and this one—so spot on. Also, Seth Meyers’ latest episode—I mean, please! Trump’s Mothers’ Day bit is truly—uhhnbelievable. Waking up to the absurdity of what is happening right now as it rolls and rolls. I also truly live for these socially distanced performances with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots. They make me joy-cry. 

There are good ppl out there doing their best. We are all trying to do our best, even on our hardest days. Beating the zombies back one by one. Don’t believe that the angry gun-toting ppl are coming for us. They are few. We are many. It’s time to activate.

I’ve noticed lately I’m getting a sense for when Jimmy Fallon or Stephen Colbert, for example, might be having a bad day. They aren’t on stage anymore, they don’t have a responsive audience to pump them up, they are people like we are, broadcasting from their homes. They struggle with life under the pandemic just the way we do. I can feel when they are having to get up for another broadcast from home or lapsing in attention, disengaging or losing the thread with someone they are interviewing. It’s an subtle nuance to notice, and it makes me feel as if I am getting a brief peek into their humanity instead of simply watching them put on the show.

I’ve also been making... um, haha... bread—the kind of bread you have to knead and let rise and punch down and knead and let rise again and so on. I finally got some active dry yeast and made two sandwich loaves a week ago. On my second round yesterday, I pushed my 20+ year old Kitchen Aide stand mixer beyond its limit. Smoke drifting from the housing, dough hook seizing up, goodbye trusty appliance. 

While the dough was going through its rising process, I searched DIY fixes which were plentiful and also searched for parts through the Kitchen Aide website, discovering they—are—not—selling—them. Really? Boo on you, Kitchen Aide. You won’t force me to buy a $400 mixer ever again. Double boo on you, assumed capitalism. Until I’m able to find the parts I need via Etsy or wherever (NOT Amazon ever again), I’ll use the mixer my mother-in-law offered me since she doesn’t use it much and remind myself of the days when I used to knead bread by hand—that ancient task. Again—get it together, Lewis! 

I’ll leave you with this brilliant essay from The Paris Review called Fuck the Bread. The Bread is Over. Thank you, Byrdie, for tagging me on this one. I’m still gonna make the bread one way or another because it saves money but I’ll keep the wise words from the authors mother closest to my heart, which translates loosely into stop holding on so tight to what you think you need.

Thurs

So, I’ve been writing today and editing and writing more and editing more. It’s all about thinking and re-thinking everything with nothing on my plate but time staring up at me. There is a strange blessing that has a chance to bloom inside this isolation. 

Go gently, my friends, family and any strangers who may be stopping by. Thanks for being here with me. I really appreciate you, wherever you are today.

Stay safe. Be strong. Fall apart. Know you aren’t alone. Lovelove. 

[genderfluidgothwitch]

@blacksteeldrake okay here’s the ice cream one!

chocolate: when was your first kiss?

I was fourteen, it was when my best friend was sleeping over. We were kind of experimenting...

french vanilla: how old are you?

I’m twenty! So boring, being twenty. 

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?

Mississippi (one of my mutuals knows why and he can fight me), Great Britain, and Maine. I’ve already been to two of those places, but whatever. 

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

Italian. I already know Spanish and ASL, on top of my native English, and I’ve been writing a character who speaks Italian with his mother, so I’m already sort of learning. I can call people “fucking morons”. 

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?

Um... Black eyeliner can be bought anywhere, and that’s pretty much all I wear. I’m a guy, you think I pay attention to that shit?

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?

I think each has a time and place. If I had a whole day where I could go to the beach, or the river, or something nice like that, I will enjoy it immensely. But I’m also happy to sit inside and read. 

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?

I played violin when I was in elementary school, and now it’s just the guitar.

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?

Fuck you lol. I can’t pick! I have a playlist of over 1500 songs that I’ve labeled “favorites”, and I don’t even have close to all of the songs I want. Assume many of them are by the Eagles. But I suppose if you check the “lyrics” tag on my blog you’ll find a good portion. 

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?

Anything by the Eagles. That’s quite literally the only band I’ve listened to since birth. 

cheesecake: what's your zodiac sign?

I’m a cancer.

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?

Beach! 

chocolate chip: what's your most popular post?

Um... I don’t really know. Wait, yes I do. It’s a headcanon post for my favorite TV show (House MD)

bubblegum: books or movies?

Books, by far.

pistachio: manga or anime?

Neither? Sadly, I only really got into one manga/anime but I never got a chance to finish it.

salted caramel: favorite movies?

Repo! The Genetic Opera, Harry Potter, Shawshank Redemption, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Dead Poet’s Society... A lot of Robin Williams movies... I think that covers it.

birthday cake: favorite books?

TOO MANY TO NAME

moose tracks: favorites for manga?

Fruits Basket.

orange sherbet: favorites for anime?

Fruits Basket and Ouran High School Host Club.

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?

Science. I loved physics and anatomy & physiology.

black raspberry: do you have any pets?

See Previous Ask Prompt Answer

mango: when and why did you start your blog?

Well, I’ve technically had this blog twice. I started it the first time in high school because everyone else was doing it. Second time, I made it because I needed a place to vent and just collect my thoughts. I’ve had it for three years total. 

mocha: ideal weather conditions?

Warm and rainy.

black cherry: four words that describe you?

Sarcastic

Asshole

Loving

Caring (I know these all contradict lol but it’s true)

neapolitan: things that stress you out?

Life. My anxiety disorders. 

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?

Classic rock, but I really just listen to what I like. I have almost everything on my computer (I really don’t listen to rap, that’s about it)

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?

Just give me all of the Hershey’s chocolate. Now. 

toffee: a card game that you're good at?

Phase 10 and Garbage. I think that’s what the second one is called. Well, my dad and I play it. 

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?

Nope. I can’t eat too early, otherwise I get sick. 

dark chocolate: turn ons?

Clean: respect, playfulness. Dirty: some serious dirty talk, dominance (I’m a serious submissive), and bondage. I wouldn’t quite say I’m into BDSM but I’m up there. 

fudge: turn offs?

Call me a bitch and I will kick you to the curb so fast you won’t remember what I’m wearing. 

peach: how do you relax?

I... don’t?

praline: a popular book you haven't read yet?

I haven’t read Lord of the Rings and I’m ashamed.

superman: do you like sweaters?

I do! So much!

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

Coffee. Bean juice is the superior of plant based drinks. 

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?

I think it would be awesome to know more piano than I do. I can do the basics. That’s about it. 

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Oh god yeah. A lot of the times I hung out with my best friend. 

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?

Functionality. 

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?

@thethirdencore, @just-hilson-things, and my mutuals. 

almond: favorite mean girls quote?

“Get in loser, we’re going shopping.” I say it all the time whenever I’m picking up one of my friends. 

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?

No color. If they’re ever painted (which is super rarely) it’s black. 

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?

Yeah. 

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?

*glances at heart* unfortunately.

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?

Hell yeah. I’ a college student with a job. Naps are my life. 

mint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

In second grade, I kissed a girl on the cheek for opening my snack when I couldn’t. In a full cafeteria. 

brownie batter: do you like sushi?

I’m literally eating some as I answer this lol.

key lime: where do you want to be right now?

With someone...

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

Yeah. I need new ones though.

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?

Chocolate and Cookies and Cream. One time my favorite brand came out with a chocolate ice cream with oreo cookies in it and it was literally the best thing ever but they discontinued it or something because I can’t find it anywhere now.

And there you have it! Thanks again for asking so many, so, so many questions.