#it’s a cry for more policing like no it’s an obvious sign that nyc has a poverty problem that you don’t want to fucking properly deal with

[versacethotty]

I'm still eric adam's #1 hater irdgaf

[the90dayfianceblog-blog]

season 7, episode 2

The episode begins with Tania continuing to panic in the taxi, with her entourage. “THERE’S TRAFFIC!,” she says about New York City. We are not from NYC and yet, even we know you should probably leave 5 minutes earlier than you think. Because city traffic.  The three friends finally arrive at the airport, where they proceed to drop rose petals all over the floor. Of the airport. A janitor comes behind them to sweep up the obvious slip hazard they have created, and they proceed to yell at him. Tania continues to describe her mild stress in wildly dramatic ways. “I’m having a panic attack,” she says. (She isn’t.) Finally, the man of the hour arrives. The three women erupt into…maniacal laughter? Really, though – Tania cannot stop laughing. “Yo yo yo,” Syngin decides is a good greeting. They embrace, and it’s briefly cute until she opens her mouth to hyena-laugh again. Syngin admits to the camera he thought they’d be a one-night stand. One point given for honesty. We have 90 days to figure out if our future is a lie, he continues. He is maybe ¼ joking. Finally, he addresses her friends. “It’s nice to meet everybody,” he says, laughing nervously. Tania sort of introduces them. They do not shake hands but awkwardly wave at each other instead.

They all (yes, all) head back to the hotel, and he is touched by Tania’s effort with the rose petals and sex toys. She instructs her friends to come back in exactly two hours so that they can have some alone time. He is confused, as are we all, about the friends being there, as he just wants a shower and some sex. He mentions to Tania that her friends being there is weird, and he asks if this is something he should expect going forward. Conveniently, the two hours elapse right at that moment, marked by the return of her friends. “LET’S TAKE SOME SHOTS!” Tania says, rather than answering his question. They proceed to take shots of gin with a Red Bull chaser, because evidently they are drinking for the very first time. At least it is decent gin. Syngin is up for it, which seems to be his nature, and then out they go into the “concrete jungle.” He is mesmerized by it all. Golly gee I’m just a guy from the bush, he says about the very large, modern city of Cape Town. They put a blindfold on him – again, he is shockingly compliant – and drag him out into some public square to reveal a banner (this couldn’t have occurred at the airport?) that says “thanks for moving around the world for me, love, your suger.” No one notices or cares that a 29-year-old spelled sugar wrong, and I briefly wonder about the butchered contents of her democracy protest signs. Tania has since said she knows it was spelled wrong and that is how Syngin spells it. This may be a viewpoint on their relationship. We end their segment with more of the same concern from Syngin that perhaps 90 days is not enough time. “There’s some nitty gritty niggles to sort out,” he says, and shame on TLC for not using this as the name of the episode.

Alyssa predicts: I still don't think they end up married. I actually kind of like Syngin because he wants to make Tania happy right now, even if he is a bit uncomfortable. Tania is presently insufferable.

Laura predicts: Agreed - I still think they won’t get married. They’ve got way more than nitty-gritty niggles to sort out (recall the “kids freak him out” issue), and I don’t see her as the master of compromise or conflict resolution.

Michael and Juliana

These two get the most airtime this week, because the BIG VISA INTERVIEW is upon us. Michael is preparing to go to Brazil. But not without first taking a trip to the jewelry store to buy a $4,000 custom necklace that is red, white, blue, green, and gold, to represent America and Brazil, because all of those colors definitely go together. We hear him continue to defend his relationship to no one in particular, including a discussion how modest Juliana is, layered over a gratuitous shot of Juliana in a string bikini. (I see you, TLC.) Juliana calls him while he is at the jewelry store. There’s an issue with a credit card. “You probably maxed out the card,” we hear him say. “Oh, shit,” says the jewelry store clerk, all judgment. Ah yes, the money. We begin to learn the extent of it. He won’t say how much he’s spent on her, or whether it’s more than $150,000. She bought a car with the credit card, despite her apparent plans to move to the US in a few weeks. “I want her to respect the value of things,” he says about his teenage daughter adult girlfriend.

He arrives in Rio, visibly stressed. He arrives at a hotel, where Juliana is waiting. They both seem genuinely happy to see the other, which is a surprise on her end. She is beautiful, but I would believe she was 16. You look skinny, he tells her, and he chalks it up to their lack of recent extravagant vacations. Somehow the next words out of his mouth are “You’re a poor Brazilian when I’m not here and a rich American when I am.” This appalling statement has no effect on her, but I imagine she’s heard worse. She’s nervous about the interview but is determined to go to America to work…oh yeah, and live with Michael. Work consistently comes first in her stated “why America” priorities. She’s using him, clearly, but he is a negging paternalistic asshole, so I support her choice.

They’re on their way to the interview. She’s in a sexy outfit; he’s in an ill-fitting suit. For someone who is "rich," you think he could find a decent tailor. “Ready to rock and roll?” he asks, as every dad asks his daughter before taking her to school, err, to her visa interview. We meet them on the other side of said interview. It was “very bad,” she says. They wanted to know whether she’d been working as a prostitute, as we already know from the promo that has aired 900 times. Plenty of girls in my position do it, she says, but not me. She says this very matter-of-factly, almost rehearsed. Maybe it’s just her nature, but she doesn’t seem particularly bothered. Michael is more visibly affronted: “WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME? A PIMP? A JOHN?” He’s quick to let us know he’s never had to pay for sex, as though this were somehow about him. It’s increasingly clear that he is obsessed with his own status and others’ perception of him. They need to produce a police report on Juliana for the consulate’s consideration, so something – maybe not capital P prostitution, but something – definitely happened. Now he has doubts. I’ve been naïve with women my whole life, he says, and I wonder who that’s about…probably not Sarah, the stable mother of his children. He is afraid of what they’ll find on that police report, and he decides there’s about a 50% chance that Juliana will get the visa. She suggests they move to London instead, but oh that’s right, you have kids. She admits to the camera that she’s worried he will give up on her and doesn’t know if she’s important enough to him. She starts to cry about this. This, but not the prostitute accusation. Again, let is remind everyone that Michael claims he and his ex-wife married too young, but his relationship with a 23 year old is different. Anyway, they’re still a better couple than Big Ang and Mai-kuhl. It bears mentioning we’re so glad they haven’t shown up yet.

Alyssa predicts: they end up married, but Michael continues to be patronizing and Juilana uses the show as a stepping stone to a model career. They do not stay married.

Laura predicts: they end up married. She’s in it for money, he’s in it for arm candy, and they’re both getting what they want. Seems like he has enough money to throw at the visa problem.

Emily and Sasha

The happy couple heads off to dinner with Masha, Sasha’s first ex-wife. (The rhyming names would be cute if she didn’t so clearly resent him and his life choices.) She looks quite a bit like Emily – blonde, fair, and waifish. The purpose of the dinner is to convince Masha to let Daniel visit them in the US. In all honesty, it may also be a way for Emily to convince herself that Sasha is the "good guy" and the other wives were "mistakes."  But first, we recount Sasha’s history: he married Masha at 22 and left her for his second wife a few years later. The second wife and second kid remain anonymous, and good on them for staying away from this dumpster fire. Sasha says that he became more muscular and his second wife didn’t like it, because that’s definitely how marriages end. Emily loudly mentions how much she, in contrast, appreciates his physique, and much more quietly mentions that she and Sasha were “talking as friends” while he was married to his second wife. Sure you were. Anyway, the dinner. No one’s particularly thrilled to be there. Emily says beforehand that she’s going to fake being nice to Masha, but she doesn’t fake it well. They don’t even communicate directly or even look at each other. They rely on Sasha to translate, and he takes some liberties. I’m tired, says Emily eventually. “She’s tired of this situation,” Sasha (correctly) translates. Masha, it turns out, doesn’t have a strong opinion on the Daniel question. Daniel can choose whether he’d like to visit or not. File this dinner under “could have been accomplished in a text message.” Emily insists once again that she isn’t feeling well and promptly leaves. Masha then gets a bit more friendly with Sasha, reaching over and touching his arm and telling him she doesn’t want to leave. Her post-dinner thoughts are more critical, however. “Where the wind blows, there a man flies,” she says of Sasha, and I am definitely saving that phrase for a rainy day. Masha puts herself and the second wife in the same category – “good, kind, calm” – and sees Emily as nothing more than an excuse for Sasha to get to America. At this point, doesn’t seem like an unfair assessment. I would prefer more of Masha and less of Emily at this point.

Alyssa predicts: they get married, and Sasha finds wife number 4 at a crossfit class. He seems like he'd get into crossfit here.

Laura predicts: they won’t get married and agrees with Masha that Emily is Sasha’s easy ticket to the US. We know that kids aren’t a compelling enough reason for him to stay with her.

Robert and Anny

Robert goes for a beer with his friend Juan, who is Dominican. I know Dominican girls, says Juan, and they’re all just out for your money. Robert makes a valid point that this is an awfully sweeping generalization about an entire country, but he does not really have the high ground considering the circumstances of his own relationship. They end up having a very adult conversation about it; Robert says he respects Juan’s opinion, and Juan says he’ll feel stupid if he ends up being wrong about Anny.

Later, it’s airport time. Bryson is very excited. It’s clear that Robert really wants a mother figure in this kid’s life, which is a veritable crapload of pressure for an eight-hour relationship. Bryson is similarly invested. “I love Anny,” he says. They wait at the airport long enough for Bryson to get cranky, and then here she comes, somehow pulling off a denim jumpsuit. Bryson sprints towards her, and she’s genuinely happy to see him. She’s very put-together (which is always impressive post-airplane) and family-oriented. “Bryson is my new kid,” she says. She wants a big family with Robert. She loves how funny and hardworking he is, and how much he loves his son. I didn’t expect this affection from Miss Angry Emojis. She admits she has a temper, but we don’t see it this week. There is a moment in the car where Anny looks at Robert and seems to be a genuine look of love.

They head back home. Their rapport is shockingly natural for only having spent 8 hours together. Things sour a bit when we learn the house contains only one bed that they’ll all be sharing. Where exactly was that lingerie meant to be used? Robert admits he didn’t get around to getting a bed for Bryson, and Anny is understandably displeased. Robert tries to put Bryson to bed, to no avail. Bryson really wants to show off for Anny in the form of climbing all over her. She is increasingly less thrilled. She’s sexually frustrated, which she tells us in so many words. There’s some metaphor about a lion. Do lions have a lot of sex?

Alyssa predicts: I have more hope for them this episode. I think they'll get married. I also hope Juan shows up more, because he seems sensible.

Laura predicts: they will get married. This is not a well-thought-out relationship, but they’re both clearly motivated to build some kind of family unit.

Mursel and Anna

Mursel and Anna head off to Anna’s house from the hotel. They had sex, which I find hard to imagine. Mursel, like anyone who has ever driven through Nebraska, is unpleasantly surprised at the lack of mountains and the surplus of corn. He decides, rather quickly, that he is no longer excited and misses Turkey. He starts playing some Turkish music and his mood turns back around just as quickly – he begins dancing as passionately as one can dance in a car. There's something...endearing about this. Anna is uncomfortable with the dancing and says she’ll just have to learn to live with it. (Again, back to the disbelief at the sex.) They’re both nervous about meeting her sons. Mursel decides he wants to be a brother to the older two and a father to the youngest one, which is some interesting line-drawing. The meeting of the kids is a bundle of awkward. They try to ask about his trip and ask if he likes pizza (the answers are “good” and “yes,” respectively). The pizza that arrives is inferior to Turkish pizza, Mursel decides, and won’t eat it. I’m not sure if he’s jet-lagged, culture-shocked, or just naïve, or maybe all of it, but in any case his behavior is strange and borderline rude. Her kids are offended that he doesn’t like the pizza or their house. “It was really awkward,” Anna summarizes. Yeah, no shit.

Mursel, Anna, and Gino (the middle kid) head out to dinner with Anna’s mom. It’s suggested that the mom might have some negative views of Turkish people. In reality, she is an absolute racist nightmare. She asks her actual grandchild to type “Don’t stone Anna” into the translator app. Seriously, if there isn’t a GoFundMe for these kids’ extensive therapy, now is the time. Mursel is confused and offended, which is appropriate. He says to the camera that he wants to protect Anna, not hurt her. The dinner goes on, though, and Mursel doesn’t want Anna to have a beer, but she needs one. We all need one from watching this go down.  Anna should have been far more nervous about this encounter than the meeting with her kids. Mursel reveals to everyone that his family doesn’t know about Anna’s kids, he doesn’t plan to tell them, and if they find out, he might go back to Turkey. It’s a blow to everyone. Anna starts crying. Gino now has even more doubts. It is not a pleasant outing.

Alyssa predicts: they do not get married. Mursel returns to Turkey and Anna is devastated.

Laura predicts: they will get married and said marriage will swiftly end in divorce. This divorce will almost certainly include some Mursel family drama. Seriously, what is the long-term strategy there?