#it’s like he bathes in blood in the morning istg | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whumpywinterbun · 2 years

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i need you closer. 2/2

Trying to talk about your problems doesn't always suck, Bucky. Especially with the person you like. A little too much. Or: Bucky Barnes smokes and talks about feelings and maybe gets the love he deserves.

Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader (something something somewhat around tfatws?)

Part 2 of this

(emotional) hurt/comfort (comfort. mostly comfort.), still a teeny bit whumpy?, mutual pining (idiots in love), istg this is fluffy

Warnings: talk about panic attacks & hallucinations, smoking

a/n: Part 2 is up! Thank you to the people who read Part 1 and might read this! Please tell me what you think of it, I haven’t written in years before putting this out at like 4am during my internship so... comments or asks would be appreciated!!! And also just in general I am nice I swear lmao

The sun shone through the curtains, bathing the room in a warm glow. You woke up under a blanket you don’t remember covering yourself with. You were reaching for Bucky’s side of the bed, blinking the sleep away when you realized that it was left, empty and cold. You got up, swinging your legs off Bucky’s bed and slowly making your way through his apartment. You called for him but answer came, so you looked around before entering his kitchen.

And there he was, standing behind the small island, pouring hot water in a mug. “Morning Buck.” Bucky looked up, a nervous half-smile on his lips before pointing at his mug. “You want some coffee?” You nodded, leaning against the door frame. He moved his head in acknowledgement, before turning around and taking another cup. He was scared, of you bringing up last night, of your reaction, you maybe finally realizing how messed up he is.

You were slowly making your way forward, joining Bucky at the kitchen island, opposite him. “How are you feeling?” you asked. “I’m... uh…fine. Yeah.” He couldn’t even look at you, keeping his eyes trained on your mug with knitted brows.

“Be honest Buck.” “I am honest.” “Okay.”

He sighed. “Listen. Whatever happened yesterday, I am fine. Okay? There-“

Your eyebrows raised. “Whatever?” Bucky tapped against his head, his lips a thin line. “You don’t remember?” Bucky shook his head.

“Well, at least not everything. I’m aware of some stuff but…it happens. I’m used to it.” He shrugged his shoulders before taking a sip from his coffee, hiding behind the large cup.

“You hallucinated blood, Bucky. You thought the floor, the bathroom, you thought that you were covered in Sam’s blood.” He froze. “You scratched yourself bloody trying to wash it off. That’s not something to shrug your shoulders over.” That’s not how you had planned to start this conversation. You wanted to sit down with him, carefully bring up what you saw and try to talk to him, not serving it with a cup of morning coffee.

Silence. Bucky’s mouth opened and closed again. He swallowed and put his cup down. “It just happens sometimes; it’s no big deal and I am really sorry you had to witness all that but-“

“No. No buts. Stop it. Stop pretending like it’s normal and okay for it to happen!” You slammed your hand on the island. Bucky’s eyes widened. “I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” you stammered, hiding your face behind your hands, your lower lip trembling.

Bucky brushed his hand across his face. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He was aware that he needs to, if it’s not for his sake then at least for yours. What you saw and heard was a lot harder on you than on him. And it deserved some explanation.

Bucky grabbed the cigarette pack on the island, taking one and putting it between his lips. “You want one?” he asked, holding the pack up to you. You looked up from your hands, tears brimming your eyes. Bucky’s heart ached seeing you like this, because of him. You rubbed your eyes before taking a cigarette and following him. Bucky opened the window onto the fire escape, climbing out before holding his warm hand out to help you out.

The sun was shining, the last bits of the summer’s warmth enveloping you. You both sat down, Bucky pulling out a lighter and lighting up your cigarette before his. He took a drag. You took a drag. Somehow this felt a little like the night where you both first met, but you weren’t on the roof and you weren’t just getting to know your neighbor in the middle of the night.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky turned to you, searching for something in your eyes. Any sign in your pretty eyes that he didn’t mess this up.

“For what?” you asked.

“Making you cry, messing up, pretending like I wasn’t home. having you see the fucked up shit my brain does. Everything I guess.”

“You didn’t mess anything up, Buck.”

“Ah well.” He cocked his head to the side.

“Can you tell me what happened? I mean what…triggered… this.” you tapped ash out on a tray Bucky kept on his fire escape. A pastel pink one you gave to him after getting the confession out of him that he actually really liked the color.

“We were given wrong intel on the mission and I couldn’t stop myself from following through. We got some important information anyways but there was this ambush and- Sam got hurt. Shot.” He sniffed.

Your brows knitted in worry. “But he’s okay right?” Bucky nodded.

“He’s in hospital, doing better and is allowed to leave today or tomorrow but I don’t- I can’t- I don’t think he wants to see me. I wouldn’t want to see me if I were him.” Bucky looked at the ground.

“I don’t think Sam’s upset, Buck.” you reached for him, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder and you felt him ever so slightly leaning into it. “If you felt like not retreating was the right choice, there must have been something telling you to keep going. I’m not part of this…world you are in and how things work but it comes with an immense number of risks and every mission could end up like this for a number of reasons. I am just glad he’s alright and that’s all you should focus on for now.”

“I can’t really focus on any positives if there aren’t any.” He pressed the cigarette bud out.

“You are both alive.”

“Well, that could have looked a lot differently… because of me.” Bucky’s voice got smaller with every word, until it was barely a whisper.

You knew Bucky felt a lot of guilt, constantly, at all times. There’s guilt over wrong words, wrong decisions, wrong actions. It didn’t really matter to him if his actions were actually his, if his decisions were actually what he wanted to, not what he had to or, horrifyingly, was made to do. Sometimes it felt like guilt was the only thing keeping him going because without guilt, he could barely be a person. He would search for guilt in the smallest things life threw at him, because what, or who, was he without and what was he supposed to do if not feel guilty?

“Did you talk to him since?” you asked, gently stroking Bucky’s shoulder, where his skin connected to the vibranium. “Kind of. We talked for a bit a day after but I just couldn’t pretend like this was some lousy work accident like Sam did so I left. I’ve been at the hospital almost every day since but I just can’t bring myself to enter his room. I feel like any moment the bomb would drop and he would tell me to go to hell. I can’t lose him. Not him too.”

“Listen Buck…I know there are so many voices inside telling you that’s not true but I genuinely don’t think that Sam’s angry at you.” You were speaking softly, trying to get to him and somehow, maybe, worry less. Your eyes were searching for his blue ones, trying to get him to look at you.

“I’m just scared of losing him. To a bullet or the fact that I’m terrible to deal with.”

You grinned. “Ah…you are not THAT terrible.” Bucky snorted.

“You are a horrible friend to tell me that now.”

“No.” you laughed.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Na-ah.”

“A very, very horrible friend, bun.” Bucky leaned back, his back against the wall, the sun warming him. He looked at you, his mouth curving into a smile. Bun. The small nickname stuck, and what was first meant teasingly and made you cringe now gave you butterflies. You too leaned back, resting your head against his shoulder. “Sam loves-“ he grimaced. “Yes, Bucket, Sam loves you. You two can’t go a day without annoying each other because you can’t live without the other. If he were angry at you, he would have told you. Like. Right at the hospital.” He sighed.

“I mean…yeah. You could be right.”

“I am.” You looked up at him, seeing his eyes on you.

“He could also just wait until he’s out to kick my ass.”

“Not likely, Buck.”

“You sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Nice.”

Bucky took your hand into his and you two sat in silence for a while, looking at the city below you. His gaze kept wandering to you, wondering how he deserved you. Life was scary and for someone his age, he was terrified of living. But maybe, you, and Sam, made it all worth it. But while Sam was his best friend, his brother, he wished he could call you his. His bun.

Fuck it.

“Do you know why I like that ashtray so much?” He pointed at the small, pink thing next to you. “Because you, a very intimidating, tall, broad, old man, happen to like pink?” “Because it’s a gift from my favorite person, in their favorite color.” You moved your head, looking at him. His face flushed. “I’m your favorite person?” He nodded. You smiled at him.

“I…uh. I’m not really good at this whole thing.” Bucky sat up, suddenly looking a lot more nervous. You didn’t really know what to anticipate, but it surely wasn’t what you hoped it was.

“But I am glad to have you in my life. I don’t deserve you and yet you are still here and I don’t think I could imagine my life without you. You are possibly my first thought when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep and I want you to- I want-“

Your heart was jumping. Doing cartwheels. What was he-

Bucky took a deep breath. “I want you beside me instead of on my mind. In the morning. And at night. All the time, actually. ” He tensed up. You are going to leave him. Right now. This is the worst timing to confess your stupid feelings James and you are now going to get rejected and never see her again because you just could not be happy with how it is right-

Silence.

Oh.

“I would love to.” You returned, beaming. Bucky’s tense shoulders finally relaxed.

“So that’s what it feels like to get your feelings reciprocated.” You chuckled, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. Bucky laughed, stroking your hair.

Feeling Bucky’s left arm wrap around you, you looked up. His right hand stayed on your head, slowly making its way towards your face. He put a loose strand behind your ear. He whispered. “Can I kiss you?” “Uh-huh.” He bit his lip before pulling you closer, his breathe on your lips.

Except Bucky’s phone rang.

You both snorted. “Sorry.” He apologized. “It’s okay, go get it. Could be important.” He got up, almost tripping while hurrying back inside. Bucky looked back, embarrassed and laughing, before picking the phone up without looking at the caller’s name.

“Hey Buck, would you mind getting me from the hospital?” Bucky looked at you. “Sam?” you mouthed, looking over the window. He nodded quickly before answering. “Yeah sure, give me…10 Minutes or so.”

“Alright. And Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you were visiting me, we’ll talk about it later, you self-loathing dumbass.”

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #sam appears!#my hands are freezing posting this oof.

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years

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Bokuto, Tsukishima, and Iwaizumi in Bad Day Surprises

OMG LOVE. THIS IS SO BIG-BRAIN, I LOVE THIS. I hope you enjoy this @scrappydaisies 😘

Word count: ~1.7k

BOKUTO

⭐ It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong, went wrong

⭐ You woke up late, missing breakfast as you ran to work, awkwardly putting on your jacket as you sprinted

⭐ When you got to work, you hadn’t printed your proposal and notes, so you ran late for the meeting because of it

⭐ To top it off, you forgot you had a meeting with your supervisor to discuss a potential raise

⭐ (Yikes)

⭐ Of course, you not only forgot your lunch, you’d forgotten your wallet so you couldn’t even buy food!

⭐ Just a whole-ass series of unfortunate events 😔

⭐ Normally, you’d go bother Akaashi - one of your coworkers’ & the reason you had met Bokuto - but he was out with the flu so you didn’t want to bother him

⭐ You also would have texted Bokuto an SOS, BUT of course, he was out traveling for a match so there was no help there

⭐ So, you found yourself fuming at your desk, asking yourself and all possible deities out there on why you had such bad karma, angrily vent-texting Bokuto

⭐ Though he was preoccupied and not reading/responding to your texts, you felt a bit better getting it out of your system

⭐ One of your other coworkers noticed the predicament that you were in, and ended up buying you food

⭐ As you made your way home, you pull out your phone again to see that Bokuto had left you on read

⭐ Well okay then

⭐ It’s not like that hurt or anything

⭐ (it 100% did but what else could go wrong, y’know?)

⭐ Bokuto wasn’t supposed to be back for a few days because work

⭐ But that didn’t stop you from opening the door and calling “I’m home!” to an empty house

⭐ Leading to you laughing at yourself...which eventually became hysterical...and soon enough, you were standing in the hallway sobbing

⭐ “Babe?”

⭐ Your brain short-circuits

⭐ “K-kou?!” you sniff

⭐ You were a complete wreck by now. Like, your entire face was hot, the tears would not stop, you were snotty as heck

⭐ Your boyfriend appears in the doorway, his eyes wide at your face before he rushes at you

⭐ “What’s wrong pretty one?” he asks, “is it because of your day?”

⭐ (ngl imagining Bokuto calling you ‘pretty one’ made my heart skip a beat)

⭐ “Kou!” you sob, burying your face into his chest. “Today was honestly the worst day of my life”

⭐ He just rubs your back soothingly, murmuring soft declarations of love and comfort

⭐ You pull back, wiping your nose on your sleeve

⭐ “Wait, what are you doing here?”

⭐ “Oh right! C’mere”

⭐ Bokuto takes your hand gently, leading you towards the living room

⭐ He had taken the time to construct a massive blanket fort there, golden fairy lights everywhere. The TV was already on with your favorite movie queued, and bags of your favorite takeout were there

⭐ Bokuto scratched at the back of his neck. “I knew you were having a really rough day, and I got back early so I figured you’d like this surprise”

⭐ Of course, you start crying again and Bokuto’s freaking out like OML WHAT DO I EVEN DO

⭐ He thought he broke you, the poor bby

⭐ You’re just shaking your head, crying and you’re just like “I just love you so much, why the heck are you so thoughtful”

⭐ He panics and is like, “why don’t we get you outta this and we can start watching some movies, yeah?’

⭐ And you’re like nodding (you’re still crying lmao) as you drag your feet to the bathroom to freshen up, change, and rejoin your mans in the living room

⭐ “You’re literally the best, you know that?” you sniffle as you re-enter

⭐ Bokuto flashes you a grin, opening his arms as he waits for you to crawl into them

⭐ “I’m so lucky to have you” you mutter, burying your face once more

⭐ “Oh baby, I think I’m lucky to have you” he says as he chuckles, rubbing your back and peppering kisses onto your face

⭐ But in general, Bokuto will randomly surprise you with food, snacks, spontaneous things whenever you’re having a bad day because spontaneity is fun as heck!

TSUKISHIMA

⭐ You and Tsukki met when you guys were in the same class

⭐ Your teacher had separated him from Yams because they kept talking (SMACK)

⭐ Little did he know that by moving Tsukishima to sit behind you, you’d end up dating!

⭐ It started when you were jamming out to music and straight vibing

⭐ He was kinda intrigued, the boy thought you were cute but he didn’t want to vocalise it because he’s such a kuudere istg

⭐ It was Yams who started talking to you, which encouraged Tsukki to do so as well!

⭐ SUCCESS

⭐ Anyways, y’all start dating and all that jazz

⭐ One day, you come into school lookin like a wreck. A complete mess

⭐ You had pulled an all-nighter in order to finish a paper you were really struggling with

⭐ Like, you had been working on it all. week. and you STILL needed that extra 8 hours to work on it

⭐ And as you were leaving the house this morning, your parents were yelling at you for grades or something, so in general you were in a bad mood

⭐ To top it all off, your headphones had decided to die while you were walking to class, so you didn’t even have the comfort of music to help you

⭐ You were ranting the entirety of lunch, with Yams interjecting with some words of comfort as Tsukishima just silently listened and provided you soft touches to let you know that he was there

⭐ He really wasn’t the type to talk much, especially in public. BUT he was definitely very expressive behind closed doors

⭐ So, once school ends, you head home and just collapse onto your bed - dead to the world

⭐ You woke up because your phone started ringing

⭐ In your haste to fall asleep, it somehow ended up stuck to your face LOL

⭐ You pick it up, groggy as heck

⭐ “Hullo?”

⭐ “Can you open the door?”

⭐ “Kei?!”

⭐ You stand up suddenly, falling onto the floor as the sudden blood-rush made you lighte-headed

⭐ “Did you just fall?” he asked, snickering slightly

⭐ “Shut up” you scowl as you slowly get your bearings and make your way to the door, hanging up in the process

⭐ “What are you doing here?” you ask, rubbing your eye with your knuckles as you stare up at your boyfriend

⭐ “Am I not allowed to visit you?” he quipped back, a pink flush on his cheeks. “I have something for you”

⭐ You step back, letting him into the house. “You didn’t have to, I’m sure you’re tired after practice”

⭐ “Shut up, I wanted to”

⭐ You guys make your way to your room

⭐ Tsukishima sits at your desk, unzipping his volleyball bag and pulling out a box. “Here.” he says, passing it to you

⭐ Your eyes widen. “Kei! You really didn’t have to”

⭐ He had gotten you some fancy, noise-cancelling headphones

⭐ (Personally, they’d be AirPods but y’know, it’s whatever y’all prefer!)

⭐ “I know you were having a rough day, and music always makes it better for you so just take it,” he scowled, hiding the red roses on his cheeks

⭐ You grin, putting it down gently before you throw yourself onto him. “Thank you, thank you so much”

⭐ “You’re welcome.” He coughs awkwardly

⭐ Pulling back, you eye his face as he fiddles with his hands.

⭐ “Do you...maybe wanna cuddle or something?” you smirk

⭐ “Shut up..maybe”

⭐ “C’mon then”

⭐ Anyways, if it wasn’t obvious, Tsukki is the type that will hold you and listen to you rant

IWAIZUMI

⭐ Ugh, college-life woes

⭐ You and Iwa lived together in an apartment. Y’all have been dating for a cool min now

⭐ But the problem of adult life!!

⭐ Y’all just don’t have time for one another

⭐ Or, not as much as you’d like

⭐ Iwa’s busy with his classes and internship

⭐ (Not to mention working out because c’mon this man never stops the grind)

⭐ Like this man is working HARD for his future!!!

⭐ You’re busy finishing up your own final projects and working too

⭐ Y’all basically only see each other for a few minutes every night when you’re laying in bed, updating each other about your day’s before you KO

⭐ SO, when you come home after a really stressful week of late-nights, little sleep, one-meal a day type of situation, you were pleasantly surprised to find your boo at home

⭐ Not to mention, there were candles out, a bottle of wine on the table, and plates of your favorite meal

⭐ HOME-COOKED BECAUSE THIS MAN IS THE PERFECT PACKAGE OK

⭐ “What is this?”

⭐ He looks up, grinning. “Well, I know that someone hasn’t been able to take care of themselves this week, so I decided to take the night off and spend time with them”

⭐ Iwaizumi comes around you, guiding you to the table by the small of your back

⭐ Pulling out the chair, letting you sit before he pushes it in

⭐ “You’re spoiling me Haji” you muse as he pours you a glass of wine

⭐ “Well if you won’t do it, then I will” he shrugs. “Cheers baby” he lifts his own glass, waiting for you to tap yours against his

⭐ If you thought that was the surprise, YOU WERE MISTAKEN

⭐ BECAUSE THERE WAS MOREEE

⭐ He decided to go ALL-OUT with the romance

⭐ After you guys finish dinner, he leads you up to the bathroom where there were unlit candles, and a BATH BOMB

⭐ TBH, I’m imagining LUSH’s Sex Bomb bath-bomb, but it’s whatever you prefer!

⭐ Just know that he added extra petals into the bath just for you

⭐ (you always complain that there weren’t enough lmao)

⭐ He draws the bath and lights the candles as you strip and get ready to shower

⭐ This man is out here washing your hair, soaping you up

⭐ All that wholesome goodness 💘

⭐ He even carries you into the bath!!

⭐ After you’re situated, he brings you the wine glasses and a tablet so y’all can watch a movie or catch up to whatever anime y’all are watching together as he slips into the bath behind you

⭐ All in all, he goes ALL OUT when it comes to spoiling you (he’s a romantic at heart) and honestly, you just need to cuff this man A.S.A.P.

general taglist: @scrappydaisies @newfriendjen @kyomihann

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#haikyuu hcs #bokuto hcs #tsukishima hcs #iwaizumi hcs #hq hcs #bokuto headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #tsukishima headcanons #iwaizumi headcanons #skye's requests

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