#it’s like. roommate issues aside this year was actually p chill?

[sweet-as-kiwis]

Mother dearest is coming down this weekend to pick up as many of my things as possible! Unfortunately as I still have a week before I can go home, that means. All of my decorations are getting packed up on Friday

I should probs take a picture of the living room, it was. So freakin cute I’m gonna miss it

[justkpopjokes]

Apartment 1331 || Roommate!Jeonghan

Ft. Jeonghan + two made-up pets I love v much

AU: roommate + supernatural

Anon: hiii if you have the time, can you write #9 (roommate au) with jeonghan? thank you uwu love your work a lot!!

A/N: Thanku bub, I hope you love this too, despite it being p crackhead-y and all over the place! Also, disclaimer I got some ideas from a writing prompt hehe. I’ve been trying to write less ‘normal’ AUs bc I’ve written a bunch already lol so be ready.

Reminder that drabble requests are open :D (as well as other things I do tbh)

Jeonghan is a little broke rn ngl

He has enough money to live, but his rent is so HIGH

like dang

So he has to give up some luxuries and move into a cheaper apartment

a cheaper apartment with you!!!!!!

the important part is that he was able to keep his cat, his queen, Jia

Jia is a pretty snowshoe cat that Hannie adopted about a year and a half ago

she’s v affectionate & also kinda protective? for some reason

which is weird bc she’s a house cat that never likes going outside

like where’s the danger lmao

he was kinda worried bc some of the other apartments didn’t allow pets

which SUCKED bc he could never give up his QUEEN

thankfully, he found your apartment complex, which allowed pets as long as they were quiet and didn’t disturb other residents

Jia is a quiet kitty so she’s fine lol

The new issue is making sure your pet and Jia were ok with each other

You work from home most of the time, so you have more than enough time to take care of your recently-adopted puppy, Bomi!

(I based Bomi off of an actual puppy but the link is now gone, which hopefully means she was adopted :') I regret not saving a photo)

she’s a smol mixed breed who is always happy, which is v contrasting to your apartment building

if it wasn’t for the fact that no other buildings in the area allowed pets (and the fact you can’t afford a house), you would’ve moved somewhere else

oh well. but anyway

When Jeonghan contacts you with interest in being your roommate, y’all chat a bit abt how the pets would react

the solution is to let them chill w/each other for a bit lol

so Jeonghan brings Jia over to your apartment one afternoon

it’s 2 birds with one stone yknow: he gets to check out the room & the pets can interact

You meet up with Jeonghan outside your apartment, chatting a bit as you take the elevator upstairs

just some casual stuff, like “how has your day been?” and “aw your cat is so cute”

once you get upstairs, Jeonghan lets Jia out of her carrier and y’all leave Jia n Bomi in the living room alone

when you first left them there, they weren’t hostile but also not super friendly

however, after you show Jeonghan the room, u return to find them warmed up to each other a little!!

you and Jeonghan have warmed up to each other a little too; he’s a bearable person and someone you wouldn’t mind as a roommate

So after a week, Jeonghan starts moving his stuff in

Jia is first ofc LOL his queen

After a couple nights in the apt, he’s solidified his opinion of the building

it’s… an ok quality; good overall with a lot of nitpicky things

like LOUD NOISES at night when you’re trying to sleep or doors that just woN’T CLOSE PROPERLY

(can you tell I’m taking this from real life)

Aside from that, y’all are able to adjust to each other p quickly

Jia & Bomi don’t adjust to new roommates immediately, but they do spend time together

they hang around a lot of random, small, dark, secluded areas in the unit together for some reason

since you work from home and Jeonghan goes outside for work, you get to see more of their interactions and report back anything cute/funny to Jeonghan once he gets home LOL

which is like >50% of your conversations

You: “oh my gosh Jia was like THIS close to tipping my mug over this morning!”

JH: “LMAO sounds like a you problem—”

You: “Jeonghan!”

JH: “Sorry, sorry. I’ll buy you some snacks in return.”

It’s like a little frenemy situation lol

you may bicker, but you aren’t actually mad at each other

like gdi he naps so much that he forgets to do chores sometimes

he does clean and does other favours to make up for it thankfully

like making you food w/o you asking bc he knows you’re working late into the night

and if he really does a lot, in return you’ll make him breakfast and help prepare his things in the morning so he doesn’t need to wake up as early

so the bickering is all fun & games

which, coincidentally, is how Jia and Bomi interact; play-fighting between just chilling near each other lol

Unbeknownst to you and Jeonghan, your pets have bonded

…but not in the way you’d expect

we’ll get to that later tho lol

After a while (let’s say… at least a few months?), you and Jeonghan are good-ish friends

you both chat a lot abt random crap

whether it be ranting abt the rude person you met at the grocery store

or discussing the small trophies Jeonghan won for being mvp in his old sports teams while y’all organize each others’ closets or smth

like,,, you’re one of the only people who’ve seen him without a shirt on after a shower and he’s seen you sick af and/or drunk

what else do u have to lose?? your dignity??? lmao no, that’s gone already

you’re not ‘hey I need to go to a wedding and I need someone to go with’ close

more like ‘hi ik you just got here but can you help me blow-dry my hair’ close

yknow, nonchalant chit

Your FAVOURITE topic to talk abt is your babies!!

you obviously love ur bby Bomi

and although Jeonghan won’t bring it up unless you really persuade him, he’ll definitely gush abt his Q U E E N Jia!!

You also talk abt how this apartment kinda sucks bc you guys have a hard time sleeping at night

there’s just so much sounds and ajsdfks gdi I just wanna SLEEP

which is why u started having dinner or movie nights every other weekend, just to make this old apartment seem fancier

once in a while you’ll even decorate!!

it’s typically when you notice Jeonghan having a tough week at work

he comes home to ur preparations + pizza and immediately has a smile on his face

it’s a fun time!!

Anyway back to the old building with eerie sounds at night

it’s ur typical ‘haunted old building’ smh

like, cmon. the creakiness, the growling, the scratches on the floor, the flickering lights,

What’s weirder is that, a couple months later, it all kinda starts to go away?

you bring it up to Jeonghan after an unusually good night of sleep

he’s like “oh shoot ur right??? I got a ton of sleep too??”

even Jia and Bomi are getting more sleep adflsj they sleep so much during the day

like Jeonghan will be getting breakfast and Jia’s napping on a bookcase

you’ll be working and both Jia and Bomi asleep at your feet

This also contributes to the issue that they don’t eat a lot??

usually Jia eats like the queen she is and Bomi likes her treats

but they haven’t been eating a lot lately; Jia especially

which definitely concerned u and Hannie

So Jeonghan took Jia to the vet, worried that she maybe ate less than Bomi bc of smth related to being in a new home

JH: “she pounces the air a lot too. I assumed it was just odd cat tingz, but I thought I should mention it just in case”

the vet was chill tho like

Vet: “??? maybe she’s just eating behind your backs, she’s perfectly healthy lmao. your roommate’s puppy is probably the same, they might even be helping each other steal food.”

that’s when Hannie remembers seeing Jia lick some things off of her paws

he remembers it bc he thought it was a glowing substance, but lol what would that be then? fluorescent milk?

anyway bc of that, they checked if she had eaten anything poisonous, but she seemed fine lol so J2 went home

In hindsight, it sounded kinda sketchy, but you both trust the vet’s words

not enough to avoid spying on your own pets tho lol

tbh your spying only really revealed to you how much time Jia & Bomi actually spend together :3

those 2 cuties playing around brightens your day :D

so ofc it really concerns u when they sleep all day and don’t eat when you’re watching :(

on top of that, you’re generally tired bc flickering lights still bother you late at night and you get slightly scared when you hear noises coming from inside your closet

One night, you hear those noises and smth snaps in u

You’ve had ENOUGH of these heckin noises

so you scoop up Bomi and go out to the hallway to knock on Jeonghan’s bedroom door

“Jeonghan? Are you awake?”

he opens the door almost immediately, Jia at his feet

JH: “You can’t sleep either?”

You: “Yeah… Noises in my closet. Bomi kept growling at it too.”

Once he hears that, he pulls you into his room and seats you next to him on the edge of his bed

You: “Jeonghan? What—”

JH: “Just watch.”

he points to his closet sliding doors in front of you two

Jia is seated in front of it, motionless as Bomi plops down next to her

You: “What are they doing?”

JH: “I’m not sure, but Jia’s been awake since the noises started.”

You: “What nois—”

as you’re speaking, Jia turns around to you, as if telling you to shut up lmao

All 4 of you sit perfectly still

there’s only silence

…until you hear a faint scratching sound

the sliding door starts to move as the sound gets louder

slowly, a claw emerges from the side, pushing the door open

your hand flies up to cover your mouth as you desperately try to hide your shaky breaths

Jeonghan’s face is frozen, only lifting his feet slowly from the floor and moving further onto the bed

Jia and Bomi are still motionless, staring straight at the thing coming out of Jeonghan’s closet

as the closet door opens more, you start to see the body(?) of whatever mass of darkness this is

it looks rancid and smells deformed…

(ik what I wrote and that’s exactly what it seems like)

the shadowy figure rears up on its… hind legs? does it even have legs?

and starts to tower over you and Jeonghan, not to mention Jia + Bomi!

you look to Jeonghan, still terrified of what you’re seeing

your eyes are telling each other the same thing:

What the HELL is THAT?!?!

you want to scream so bad

right before you do, Jia and Bomi slowly rise to their feet (paws? whatever.)

and you hear Bomi growl for a split second before she heckin LEAPS ONTO WHATEVER THE FRICK THIS THING IS

Let’s take a quick break from the drama for a sec

too much neon nae giogeul jiwoya dwae ya feel me?

lemme finally explain what’s happening if you haven’t already pieced it together

in this au… CATS EAT GHOSTS & DOGS EAT MONSTERS

(*cough* this is the part I got from this writing prompt)

When Jeonghan noticed Jia licking “fluorescent milk” off of her paws, she was actually just finishing the remnants of ghosts she caught

and when he assumed the pouncing of the air was just “odd cat tingz”…

NAH she’s been saving him from being haunted in the time he’s had her

their old apartment was a little fancier, so there weren’t many ghosts and only a few that wandered in once in a while

but hooo boy this new grungy apt building is FILLED with ghosts

so Jia’s been chatting w/babie Bomi like

Jia: “Sis??? This place is so ghastly????? Have you not been doing your job?”

Bomi: “Wha?? I’ve been doin my job!!”

Jia: “Then why is this place still so haunted?”

Bomi: “??? Do you not mean monster?”

Now Jia’s like lmao I’m sorry what the fudge?

turns out Bomi’s been hunting down the monsters under the bed and in the closet in an attempt to protect you!!

she so cute, ily Bomi

usually, dogs eat the monsters, but Bomi was like “no ew the monsters are too big for my tummy” so she just chases most of them away LOL

but now that they’ve realized their differences, Jia + Bomi are the dream team!!!

they start helping each other out to chase away the ghosts and monsters right under your noses

Jia even gets a taste of monster while Bomi gets to taste ghosts

ghosts are like milk and monsters are like oatmeal, so when they eat both it’s… cereal?

^ I mean vibes alsjdfh they aren’t literally cereal

I’m hungry now

Now you may be wondering: Lin I thought this was supposed to be a Jeonghan au not a Jia + Bomi au

I know, I can’t take it no more

I SONEUL NEOMJI MOTHAN NAREUL—

You and Jeonghan are still in shock even after the monster has been defeated

having just witnessed your pets attack a monster and essentially beat it up until it’s shrunk down into what looks like mochi, you’re s h o o k

and to your temporary horror, Bomi takes a big MUNCH

Jia finishes the rest that Bomi can’t eat bc dang thas a big mochi

I’m even more hungry now dammit

I apologize to anyone just as hungry as I am from this fic and its many unintentional implications of food

and then your saviours turn to you with the sweetest faces

as if they didn’t just murder a monster in cold blood

You turn to Jeonghan, who has instinctively moved semi-in front of you to protect you

…he moves away real fast out of embarrassment :/

Jeonghan then gets up and rolls his closet door closed before squatting down to pet Jia’s head

she purrs and rubs her face into his hand, again as if nothing strange had just happened

Bomi tries to jump onto the bed but fails LOL so you lift her up into your lap

You: “Bomi, you smol bean, have you been eating the monsters for us? Have you?”

JH: “Y/N… what do we do with this info?”

You: “Can we even do anything?”

Nope™ Not Really™

So yeah, you have to go on living as if you didn’t just figure out your pets eat monsters

but!! there’s still more to learn!!

As your life goes on (with a bit more intrigue towards your pets), there are less creepy noises at night, but creepy things still happen

not to mention the number of questions and fears haunting your brain every night now that the possibilities are opened up

you don’t sleep with the door to your bedroom closed anymore in case Jia has to rush into your room

and that’s when you actually sleep in your room!

1. sleeping is hard

2. either you’re in Jeonghan’s room or he’s in your room

at this point there’s no shame in sharing a bed because it’s safer

One of these nights that Jeonghan is sleeping in your room, you both wake up to Bomi’s growling

you open your eyes to the side table light flickering

the air is eerily chilly and your chest feels tight

Jia tackles the air, only for the ‘air’ next to your bed become a semi-transparent figure INCHES from your body

you start to hyperventilate a little, backing up into Jeonghan’s arms that are already prepared to protect you

not that he needs to though, since Jia bites it until its ‘body’ folds in on itself, becoming a floating blob of fluorescent milk glowing ghost matter

she laps it up, leaving a little for Bomi to leap up and get

…and that’s how you figure out Jia eats ghosts

After this point, your haunted apartment isn’t super scary; there’s always new monsters and ghosts creeping in

sure, you get surprised, but Jeonghan helps you get through it

(he’s not particularly happy abt not getting enough sleep, yknow)

1 thing is for sure:

this apartment is gonna need some ghostbusters and monster exterminators!!!

Why not you four?

[valmerappreciationhours]

Room 313

Clenny Week Day 4--omg they were roommates

(read on ao3 here)

Clyde Donovan has been looking forward to meeting his college roommate for months. Unfortunately for him, Kenny McCormick isn't quite what he was expecting.

“You smell that? That’s the smell of new beginnings, my compatriots.”

               “Bold to say for s-someone who peaked in hh—hu—high school.”

               “Smells like manure and sweat.”

               Clyde stopped in his trek to turn and glare at his companions, varsity jacket-clad arms crossed. His height certainly wasn’t accomplishing any wonders in terms of intimidation. “You’re just grumpy since your boyfriend didn’t come with us.”

               Craig’s mouth remained set in a straight line, but a small crease formed between his brows. “I’m simply stating facts. And you didn’t say anything about Jimmy’s comment.”

               “Jimmy’s comment was funny.”

               “I aim to please.”

               As the group continued their teasing, a cold autumn breeze picked up, whisking a few leaves past the party. The spare bits of concrete that were visible under throngs of students were littered with empty chip bags and discarded cigarettes. Booths advertising various clubs and events were scattered throughout the square, with a couple of plain buildings filling the space beyond. The clatter of voices and the rustling of bodies generated a cacophony that was a chore to speak over, but the three had plenty of practice.

               “Who has the map? I’m r-ready to get out of this.” Jimmy had cut over to an empty area by a trash can and quickly readjusted his crutches.

               “I second that.” Craig swiftly unfolded the campus map from his jacket pocket. “We’re going to my residence hall first. Token’s waiting with Stripe in the car and I need to get her set up.”

               “Aw, Craig!” Clyde whined but sped up to keep up with the long strides. “You mean they’re not close?”

               “Did you not look at any of your papers?”

               The silence from Clyde was deafening.

               Jimmy laughed. “Nice to know Clyde’s still the same old guy ev-even at a b-b-bi- a big university.” It was not a big university. It may quality as big by some standards, or a university by others, but the community college was far from any Ivy League school. The minimal requirements and low fees were what made the school attractive more than anything else.

               “But I’ll be so quick! I just wanna meet my roommate and then I’ll be right back to help set up! I’ve been waiting forever for this.” Clyde’s excitement and fierce determination sparkled in his brown eyes, and Craig sighed.

               “Do you need the map?”

               “He needs the map,” Jimmy confirmed.

 Clyde raced across campus, dodging other new students and luggage. His backpack thumped uncomfortably against his back, but it was no match for the exhilaration of discovering who he was going to be rooming with. Hopefully someone cool who also loved football and parties! Maybe even a science nerd like Craig, who would be down with making miniature explosions in their dorm. Clyde nearly toppled two boys hefting a crate, and made hasty apology as he scrambled up the stairs. Third floor, room 310, 311, 312, yes, 313! The door was cracked, and Clyde thrust it open to finally reveal…

               An empty room.

               Wait, no, there was a ratty brown backpack on the floor. Clyde glanced around, searching for something, anything more. He couldn’t have run here just to beat seeing his roommate.

               The bunkbeds lacked any personal items, there were no posters, no pets. The beige walls and gray rug stared back, empty and unyielding. The desk, aside from coffee stains and indentations, bore no mark of human life. Clyde stood for a moment more, hoping for something before he left to go help his friends set up.

               His saving grace was an incomprehensible muffle from behind him.

               Clyde whipped around fast enough to produce a neck injury, and was met with an individual ingulfed by an orange coat covered in patches. His jeans were completely torn at the knees, showing off scrapes and bruises underneath. His shoes were unidentifiable simply by the sheer amount of duct tape holding them together. He stared, and the other stared back, blue eyes unblinking. Eventually the muffle sounded again, but now that Clyde was paying attention it sounded much more like “do you live here?”

               “Yeah, I live here.” Clyde flashed a smile, leaning against the doorframe. A surefire way to make a good impression, and if this orange blob was his roommate, he wanted to look like the coolest dude on the face of the Earth.

               The boy under the coat stuck out a hand, showing off fingerless gloves. Clyde took it, wondering if the gloves were a sign his roommate was chill or if he was a former homeless person. At any rate, his hands were clammy anyway.

               “Kenneth McCormick,” he introduced through a thick layer of fabric. “You want top or bottom?”

               Clyde let his hand keep shaking, but his cheeks reddened. “Clyde Donovan, and, uh, that’s pretty straightforward.”

               Kenneth put his hands back in the pockets of the orange monstrosity. “Well, we gotta figure it out before bed.”

               Oh, geez, that was straightforward! “Hey, man, you seem alright and all, and I’m sure you’re attractive under that hood, but…”

               One could practically see the pieces fit their way together in Kenneth’s mind, and his eyebrows shot up. He took a hand and pointed behind Clyde, who turned to see the bunk beds. Well, what did that have to do with---ohh. Oh.

               Clyde turned back in horror, cheeks surely flaming. His roommate’s eyes crinkled at the corners, alive with mirth. “Uh, why don’t you have first pick? My treat.” He quickly started moving around to the exit. “I actually gotta go help my friend set up, so, I’ll see you later, I guess.” Once out, Clyde forced a casual stroll down the hall until he couldn’t see his room anymore, then bolted.

               He was going to run to Craig’s room, and he was not going to cry all over his friends because he totally bombed his first impression. Jimmy would tell a joke and make everything better, and somehow Token would provide a solution that would make perfect sense and Clyde would wonder how he hadn’t thought of it. Yeah, it would work out. Just the thought of his friends lessened the burn in his face. It would probably be brushed off and forgotten by the time he returned.

               Kenneth McCormick had not forgotten. Clyde was sure of this when he headed back to the room, backpack and bags in tow, and his roommate leaned down from the top bunk. Instantly, those blue eyes crinkled. “I chose top,” he said through the coat, and Clyde wanted to scream.

                 “I’m doomed,” Clyde said into his mug.

               “You’re doomed,” Craig agreed, not batting an eye.

               “What is it this time?” Token didn’t look up from his place on the tablet screen. He may be miles away at a fancy university, but he wasn’t getting out of Those Guys hangouts that easily.

               Clyde laid his head on the wood grain of the coffee shop table. “My roommate.”

               “Shame.” Craig blew on the steam billowing off his mug. “My roommate is the coolest person in the world.”

               “I don’t m-mmm-mind my roommate either,” Jimmy added. “What’s the issue with yu-yours?”

               “The worst first impression in the world,” Clyde groaned, wallowing in misery. “And he’s never there so now the only thing he thinks of me is that I think about gay sex.”

               “So, he’s p-pretty much got it.”

               Craig snorted into his tea and even Token howled with laughter through the speaker, Jimmy beaming with pride. Clyde huffed, and Jimmy reached out to poke his cheek.

               “Hey, it’s n-n-not a big deal. Do you really wanna be bent on the op-o-opinn-opinion of someone whose name is Kenneth? Th-that’s a nerd name, Clyde.”

               That was it. The gamechanger. Clyde’s head snapped up. “You’re right! That is a nerd name!” Finally, it felt like things were starting to come together again, when Clyde’s face fell. “Oh no. I already gave him a nickname.” There went that sacred sliver of hope.

               “I thought you didn’t talk to him,” Token pointed out.

               Clyde leaned onto his hand. “I said he’s never there. We’ve talked and stuff.”

               “H-how cool was the nickname, th-though?”

               “I just shortened it to Kenny! I thought, hey, I don’t wanna be saying this long fancy name all the time!”

               “You gave him a nickname!” a new voice yelped, causing three of the four boys to jolt. “Oh god, you’re in it now, Clyde!” Tweek hovered above the table, a full coffee pot in one hand, a navy-blue teapot in the other. Despite the shouting and nervous energy radiating off of him, not a drop of liquid found its way onto the table or anyone’s clothes. After years, Tweek was bound to become an expert on handling drinks simultaneous to freaking out.

               On the screen, Token bowed his head solemnly. “The Tweek has spoken. You can’t come back from this.” Craig nodded as Tweek refilled the cups around the table.

               “C-come on, guys!" Jimmy tried, ever an optimist. “Clyde may have st-st-started out on his dumber foot—”

               “I’m gonna let you continue since you’re defending me.”

               “—b-but he can ssstill pull through!” Jimmy reached out to grab Clyde’s round cheeks. “Who could say no to this ch-charming face!”

               “Gah!”

               “Anyone with sense.”

               “Literally everyone I can think of.”

               “Hm.” Jimmy pulled his hands back and poured more sugar into his mug. “I’ve worked with w-worse audiences.”

               “So, you still have faith in me?” Clyde looked to his friend, brown eyes large and vulnerable. He was a drowning voyager, fighting for his life in the open sea, and Jimmy, his good friend Jimmy, was right there with a lifeboat.

               Jimmy averted his eyes and loudly sipped his coffee. Fake-Clyde was left to die in the cold water.

               The next time Clyde truly interacted with his roommate, it was just past two in the morning on a Saturday. The unlocking of the door roused him from a light sleep, in which he was doing a great job at crumpling his textbook pages. Clyde quickly shut the book and looked over to the other boy, expecting to find him drunk or maybe high. What Clyde did not expect was to see Kenny sporting an apron and black slacks, a to-go cup and battered paper in one hand. A scarf wrapped around his face, effectively blocking out wind, as well as Clyde from getting a look at his face.

When Kenny noticed that Clyde was awake, he lit up and quickly closed the distance, shutting the door with his hip. “Hey man, check this out.” Clyde was barely awake, mind still muddled from sleep, but his brain worked hard enough to understand the colorful paper Kenny sat in front of him. “Are you going?”

Clyde rubbed his eye, works still sticking to form. “Sure, I love a good party. Didn’t think you were a party guy.”

Kenny laughed, muffled. “That hurts, man. Why not?”

Clyde yawned, leaning back down to his homework. His words slurred with sleep. “You gotta name like Kenneth. Dassa nerd name.”

He vaguely registered the creak of the bunk as Kenny climbed up. “Hey, you gave me a nickname all on your own. That’s admitting that I’m cooler than my birth name.” The flop of fabric against mattress. “Go to that party with me, I’ll show you how cool I can be.”

Clyde mumbled into his book. “Bet.” If Kenny was still talking, he didn’t tune in, too busy getting drool all over his homework.

                 The closer time got to the awaited party, the more Clyde started hearing about it around campus. It became a hot topic in the halls and overtook class whisperings; what people were gonna wear, who they were going with, how crazy it was bound to be. Clyde was feeling like hot stuff for having already known about it (even if he needed the sight of the flyer to remind him), and all the buzz only made him more excited. This would mark his first real, off-the-chain college party. Quite possibly more important than first steps, if you asked him.

               Clyde’s pile of homework sat untouched on his bunk. Not today; there were more important things, like the crisp varsity jacket laying on the chair and money on the desk for a dinner of tacos before. He was working on the knots of his sneakers when the door banged open.

               “I’m just saying, laser eyes would just be a hazard to itself.” A boy with black hair followed Kenny into the room, still wrapped up in conversation. Clyde may have known next to nothing about the topic, but it sounded like a good one.

               Kenny swung around to face Clyde. “Hey, dude, this is Stan. He’s gonna be going with us since his one true super best friend left him for a fancy school.”

               “And there was no way I was going with Cartman.” Stan’s eyes were intense, practically radiating revulsion toward the Cartman fellow.

               “And there was no way he was going with Cartman,” Kenny agreed, nodding. While he set to work on his parka zippers, Clyde grinned over at the newcomer.

               “The more the merrier, man!”

               “I’m also bringing alcohol,” Stan mentioned, holding up the twelve pack he carried.

               Clyde glanced at the label and humbly dropped to a knee. “The good stuff! You’re a savior, Stan-the-man.”

               “Don’t bother,” Kenny’s muffle advised, “his heart already belongs to a faraway prince.” Clyde turned to respond, but was shocked by lack of the raggedy orange parka. Instead, Kenny was decked out in a marginally better-looking hoodie and a skirt over leggings. That was a surprise, but Clyde couldn’t say it didn’t look great on Kenny. Unfortunately, a surgeon’s mask successfully continued to hide his face, and Clyde couldn’t help from groaning.

               “Am I ever gonna see your face?”

               Kenny strode over and patted Clyde’s back. “I’m too cute; it’s for the good of humanity that I contain it.”

               “He gets sick easy,” Stan supplied from Kenny’s other side. Kenny punched him in the arm, and he glared back. “Dinner, first, right?”

               “Yeah!” Clyde punched a fist in the air. “Ya boy wants tacos!”

                 It was beautiful. So beautiful.

               Music thumped and blared out of the house, alight with strobes and the glowing cherries of cigarettes. People spilled out onto the street, most with drinks in hand. The only ones that looked like they weren’t having a good time were sitting against the side of the house, puffing on cigarette smoke. Clyde thought they looked just a bit menacing in all black with dark stares, but Kenny strode right up and held out a fist to the lone girl.

               “’Ey, Henri!” She huffed and bumped the offered fist. “Glad you could make it!”

               “Whatever.” She took another drag. “We’re just at this conformist party to prove a point that all this is still meaningless and doesn’t drive off the darkness.”

               Clyde grimaced. Geez, these guys hit heavy. Kenny just looked infinitely brighter next to them, with his vibrant orange hoodie and blond hair.

               To Clyde’s surprise, Kenny was agreeing with her. “I hear that,” he said, muffled, “but there’s nothing wrong with postponing inevitable darkness a while. Save me a smoke later?”

               If Clyde wasn’t mistaken, he just saw the girl’s black lips twitch upwards. “I won’t wait around.”

               Clyde looked at Stan for some clarification, mouth agape. Stan shrugged. “Goth kids, that’s Henrietta.” He pointed out the girl. “They’re a bunch of downers, but I’m pretty sure Kenny’s immune to everything the world’s got.”

               Kenny rejoined their trio and led the way in. If the excitement and energy were evident outside, it was even better in the house. Pounding bass, crowded halls, laughter and dancing and so many attractive people. Clyde was sure he’d died and gone to heaven. This was where he was meant to be, and Kenny’s side pushing up against him in the crowd just made it better.

               After a few drinks, the group lost Stan, but neither was too worried. “He’ll be passed out drunk somewhere,” Kenny claimed, and Clyde was too busy being distracted by the lure of beer pong.

               An hour in, Clyde had taken back every worry he ever had about his roommate. Kenny was lively and wild, contrary to the stick-in-the-mud nerd assumption. He couldn’t believe he ever thought he had to be concerned about interacting with his roommate; it was as easy as breathing. The two were hovering to the side of a dim room, taking a quick breather and clinking their red solo cups, when a girl caught Clyde’s eye.

               A goddess in red! The sun burned in jealously of the shine of her golden locks!

               Really, he recognized her from his English class, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still pretty.

“Go talk to her.” Kenny’s breath was hot on his neck in the crowded room, and it sent chills despite the heat.

               Clyde did not blush. He instead focused on making his way through the throngs of partygoers, dodging cups of unknown drinks and young adults grinding on each other. Finally, he stumbled through past a pair of girls, reaching his destination.

               “Hey, Clyde,” the girl drawled, pushing back a curl. Her lipstick gleamed blood-red.

               Clyde ran a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to make it look less frizzy and sweaty. “Hey, Bebe!” he half-yelled over the noise. “Having fun?”

               Bebe swirled her drink, smirking. “Yeah, but maybe not as much fun as you’ve been having with your friend over there.”

               Clyde turned his head to see where she was gesturing. Kenny was bathed in a faint blue light, forming a type of halo around windswept blond hair, making him look ethereal amidst the other party-goers. At some point in the night, his hoodie got unzipped, showing off a tank top that complimented his figure in comparison to all those baggy jackets. Kenny was talking with Stan again, who was looking pretty worse for wear. Well, less talking with, more talking to while supporting most of his weight. Kenny was saying something and nodding in Clyde’s direction.

               When they locked eyes, Kenny’s blue ones glittered. He winked. The simple action made something flutter in Clyde’s stomach. Maybe it was the alcohol.

               He turned back to Bebe. “He’s my roommate.”

               Clyde watched Bebe crane her neck to look at Kenny again, maybe noting how cheap his clothes looked. One of the girls that Clyde had pushed past leaned heavily on her friend, voice choked with the heavy emotion characteristic of drunk girls. “Oh my god, they were roommates!”

                 Clyde groaned, slamming his head down onto his jumble of papers.

               “Chemistry?” Kenny guessed, huddled with his own books on the top bunk.

               “Spanish,” Clyde corrected. “There’s so many words!” To rub salt into his struggle, Craig just had to be fluent. Not only did that make Clyde feel worse about his own inability, Craig was preoccupied with his physics project and had turned off all notifications. Help from the local genius was inaccessible. “You wouldn’t happen to be taking it, would you?”

               “Nah, I tested out.”

               Clyde swung around. “You know Spanish? Please help me!”

               Kenny peered down. “Not Spanish, I tested out of language with Mandarin.”

               That sent Clyde for a loop. “Mandarin?” Was that even one of the languages someone could take here? Not to mention the difficulty; English script was hard enough for Clyde to read without getting jumbled; he couldn’t wrap his head around understanding the strokes of Mandarin.

               Kenny flipped a page in his notebook. “I used to work at this local Chinese restaurant. I picked a lot up from the owner.” It was said completely nonchalant, as if he wasn’t talking about casually learning a second language.

               “Dude! Just like that?” The Spanish worksheets lay forgotten. Who would’ve guessed his roommate was so interesting? Maybe Clyde just wanted to avoid his homework, but learning more could totally be a valid excuse here.

               “Mhm.” Aside from the affirmation, Kenny was quiet on his bunk.

               “Could you say something in Mandarin?” Clyde prompted hopefully.

               Kenny thought for just a moment. “Tā mā de.”

               Clyde looked on, starry eyed. “So cool! What’s it mean?”

               Kenny scribbled some notes, but paused to glance back at his roommate. His eyes crunched in the way that meant he was smiling, and Clyde’s heart buzzed. “Fuck.”

               Clyde dissolved into laughter, and was quickly followed by Kenny. “I think I will start peppering that into my conversations starting today.” He picked up his abandoned pencil and flipped a Spanish worksheet over. “How do you say it again?”

                 Football practice may not rank as high as triple decker nachos on Clyde’s list of favorite things, but it was up there. The satisfying strain of muscle and delight of messing with his teammates outweighed the yelling of the coaches and the aches the next day by far. It was a time he actually enjoyed, that actually made sense instead of heavy bookwork, so of course the universe wouldn’t let him have it. Ten minutes in, the sky opened up, pouring rain so hard one couldn’t see past their own hand.

               Clyde trudged back to his dorm hall, squinting to see through the sheets of water crashing down. He wiped his soppy bangs from his face, but it did no good. His clothes were drenched and heavy, coupled with the weight of his sports bag of equipment. At least the dorm hall wasn’t too much farther. It was benevolent in its way of offering shelter from the storm, but cruel and unforgiving in its broken elevator sign.

               Clyde was resigned to heaving himself up the stairs, bag hitting every step behind him. A hot shower sounded so good right now. Or maybe lasagna. Or watching bad television in his soft and warm pajamas, snuggled up in blankets. Yeah, his night just got booked.

               He dug in his pocket for his room key, dreaming about the dollar store garlic bread he could cook up. His hand closed on nothing. Clyde switched to his other pocket, then his back pockets, jacket, and bag, growing more desperate with each pocket. Of course.

               Clyde let his weight drop, falling to the ground. Tears welled up in his eyes. He was tired, he was cold, he just wanted to go home! To top it off, Kenny had been talking about meeting up with his friend Eric, and the fact that the two might get arrested and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow morning.

               Fantastic.

               Clyde tried to ring out his clothes and leaned against the door. Maybe Kenny would get back early. He would love to see that scraggly hair and patched up jacket right now. Until then, well, no point in trying to get anything done.

                 Clyde was jolted out of his half-slumber by the door opening behind him, pushing his back. He looked over his shoulder to see an almost startled Kenny gazing down at him. Clyde quickly lept to his feet. “I thought you were still out.”

               Kenny opened the door further to let his roommate in. “Things went south,” he explained, but didn’t elaborate.

               Clyde pulled his heavy sports bag into the room. “Did you get rained out too?” Most of the water that clung to him had been left in the hall, but his clothes were still damp enough to be uncomfortable.

               Kenny threw himself back into the desk chair, which spun with his weight. “I got shot.”

               Clyde turned with a start, but Kenny looked fine. Clean clothes, smooth movements, a stunning lack of blood. He laughed. “That bad, huh?”

               Kenny’s eyes looked sunken and tired. Clyde quickly decided it didn’t suit him.

               “I’m gonna order a pizza. Proven to heal even the most gruesome wounds! What do you want on it?” He was too tired to make lasagna anyway.

               Kenny leaned back in his chair. “Everything in the store. I’m starving!”

               Clyde dug his phone out and dialed the nearest pizza delivery. His garlic bread was gonna knock Ken’s socks off.

               Nothing screamed procrastination quite like watching dumb shows. Clyde pulled his blanket closer and perused his Netflix options. It would be a good night for a comedy, relieve some stress of classes. The lamps were already turned off, the blue light of the laptop the main source of light in the room. The savory smell of noodles wafted in, and Clyde drooled. Oh yeah, it was all coming together.

               He turned to see his roommate heralding two cups of noodles. Faded pajama pants hung loose around Kenny’s thin frame, and a splash of broth had stained his shirt, which proudly proclaimed that he was the Denver spelling bee champion of 2005. The lighting made it just too difficult to get a good look at the bottom half of his face. Damn. Kenny set the two steaming cups of ramen on the table and crashed down onto the couch.

               “Spelling bee champion?” Clyde finally picked a series to play, and his attention was grabbed by the old tee, the colorful lettering standing out.

               Kenny picked up his noodles. “I stole it from Kyle,” he explained, twirling his chopsticks.

               They settled in, slurping on seasoned noodles and continuing the series started last week. It had plenty of action, but more importantly, it had comedy. There was something special about laughing with Kenny. He had a great laugh.

               Clyde shifted to lean against his friend’s arm. He was expecting maybe a sly comment or for Kenny to gently shove him off; he certainly was not expecting Kenny to take a sharp breath and stiffen. Clyde scrambled to move. “Fuck! Are you okay, dude?”

               Kenny rubbed his arm with his other hand, and Clyde barely hesitated to push up the sleeve and examine. Aside from a few scattered freckles, the skin there was smooth. “Just phantom pain,” Kenny explained. “I hurt it yesterday and I guess I’m still feeling it. Don’t worry about it.”

               Clyde could almost relate, but his sports injuries always left a mark a day later. “What’d you do?”

               Kenny looked like he was considering some options. “Nothing much,” he decided. Clyde frowned, brows furrowed, but Kenny’s face was bright when he looked back. “Don’t worry about it, happens all the time.” He readjusted and leaned back against Clyde. “I always bounce back.”

               With Kenny pressed against him, hot ramen on the table, and the next episode of their comedy beginning to play, Clyde wasn’t about to argue or probe for more information. He was content to just grab his cup of noodles and move closer to his friend’s side.

               “You’re a weirdo, Kenny.” Clyde clapped a hand on his shoulder. “But I’m gonna miss you.”

               Kenny’s eyes crinkled into a smile. “I’m gonna miss you too, you big dummy.”

               Ah shit. Tears started leaking out of Clyde’s doe eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He pulled Kenny into a hug. The shoulder of Kenny’s jacket was getting wet but Clyde didn’t notice. “I mean, you’re just so strange, man! I’ve never known anyone like you. My friend thinks you’re a demon.”

               “Is it the one that’s always hyped up on coffee?”

               “How’d you know?”

               “Lucky guess.” After a few more minutes, Kenny managed to extract himself and put his hands in his pockets. “You’ll see me next year.”

               No, that was way too long. Clyde pulled his phone from his pocket. “We could text over the summer! Maybe meet up?”

               Kenny’s blue eyes lost their shine. “I don’t have a phone. I’m gonna be staying with my brother a few towns over. Sorry, dude.”

               Clyde’s face fell, and he quickly wiped his eyes. “Alright. That’s cool. No worries, man.”

               “Don’t miss me too much!” Kenny put a hand on Clyde’s shoulder as a goodbye, but it was the wrong move, as it sent the other into another death-grip hug. It might be a while.

                 Summer felt like a trade of Kenny for Tweek and Token back in person, and it was seriously messing with Clyde’s emotions. He loved his friends, and seeing Craig happier was always a treat, but without Kenny, things felt duller. It might’ve been easier to mope and forget those bright eyes for a while if relationships weren’t such a hot topic of conversation.

               “Pretty fffunny that you w-worried all that much and all you did was fall in love with him.”

               Clyde floundered. “I did not fall in love with him!”

               Tweek pulled on his hair. “Gah! What if he infects you with alien spawn now that he’s gained your trust!”

               Token poked at his gelato. “I thought the theory was that he’s a demon?”

               Tweek set back to his espresso ice cream. “I’ve been workshopping it.”

               “Don’t make him show you the PowerPoint,” Craig added. “It’s full of spelling errors and he won’t let me fix it.”

               “You guys are the nerdiest couple I’ve ever seen,” Clyde said, annoyance temporarily forgotten over the pair, “and it’s so cute.” Craig flipped him off.

               “S-soon they will be b-b-balanced out by the unt-untamable party couple,” Jimmy snickered.

               “We’re not dating! I don’t even know if he likes boys,” Clyde defended. All the other parties present gave Clyde a long look. “What?”

               “Dude,” Token began. “Kenny likes boys.”

               “And girls. And an-anything that gives consent.”

               “WHAT?” Clyde dropped his ice cream. “How have you guys noticed and I haven’t? Token doesn’t even go to our school!”

               “Clyde,” Craig deadpanned. “He has a pride flag on his jacket.”

               “It was in the—ah! It was in the picture you showed us!”

               The boys all watched as Clyde tore out his phone and scrolled through his pictures until he reached the desired one. Sure enough, once he was looking, the pink, yellow, and blue patch was obvious. “Oh no,” Clyde whispered, horrified, “I’m an idiot.” He looked up just in time to see Tweek smack a hand against Craig, who had an amused look on his features. “But that doesn’t mean I like him!”

               “One thing at a time, buddy.”

               Clyde ripped open his dorm room door, excitement bringing him close to bursting. An agonizingly long summer, three long Kenny-less months. At last, on the other side of that door would be a gross old backpack and an orange parka and everything would fall back into place.

               “H-hey, Clyde!”

               Clyde stood in the doorway, staring blankly. Jimmy was on the bottom bunk, pulling notebooks out of his backpack. His smile was bright and wonderful as always, but that moment marked the only time it made Clyde feel worse.

               “Oh. Hey, Jim.”

               “You didn’t c-c-check anyone else’s room n-number,” Jimmy noted, unfazed.

               “Nope,” Clyde sighed. If you asked him a year ago, rooming with Jimmy would’ve been the dream, but now? He couldn’t imagine staying with anyone but Kenny McCormick.

               “N-no worries.” Jimmy grabbed his crutches, which were propped up against the wall. A confident smile played at his lips. “I know a v-vi-a visit with Cr-Craig will turn that f-frown upside down.”

Clyde didn’t believe it; Craig could be a sourpuss, and his general attitude was not likely to fix Clyde’s mood. Nevertheless, he was still a reliable friend. “CRAAAIIIG,” Clyde groaned, stepping into the dorm, hand over face. He didn’t bother trying to contain his distress. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Craig at his worst, anyway.

               “Nice to see you too, Clyde.”

               Hold up.

               Clyde uncovered an eye to see a mop of blond and a horrendously vibrant orange hoodie. “Kenny!” There was no hesitation in flinging his whole weight at the other, who nearly toppled over. He wrapped his arms tight, and Kenny shifted uncomfortably.

               “Might need some air here.”

               Clyde loosened his arms marginally, but pressed his face into the jacket. “I’m never letting go.”

               “Alright, but I don’t know the last time I washed this hoodie.”

               “Same goes for my shirt, man.”

               Jimmy and Craig each took a step away from the pair. Craig kept taking steps, out the door and down the hall.

               “Should I be worried?” Kenny asked into Clyde’s hair.

               “Nah, he’s gonna go do my laundry.”

               “How did you ever survive before you met him?”

               How did I ever survive without you, Clyde thought. Kenny was the sun, bright and wonderful, even if he didn’t know exactly how it functioned. If he could spend the rest of eternity here with Kenny, reckless, hardworking, witty Kenny, he would be happy. From where he was tucked, Clyde could easily peer over Kenny’s shoulder and get a good view of Jimmy. He was smirking at Clyde knowingly, the kind of look his friends always gave when it was proven that they were right.

               Oh.

               Dammit.

               The group chat chimed a dozen messages, mostly words of encouragement. Clyde puffed his chest and began striding over to his target. The device continued to chime, and it only served to boost his esteem. He positioned himself against a wall, propping himself up against it.

               When Kenny finally reached his point at the sidewalk, Clyde brushed his hair back and tried for an award-winning smile. “Hey, Ken, top or bottom?”

               Kenny was still sporting his work uniform, with the addition of his heavy parka. He looked at Clyde, and his blue eyes were heavy and tired. “We don’t bunk together anymore, Clyde.”

               Clyde only grinned back.

               Kenny’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck.”

               Clyde flashed a finger gun. “You and me, 7:00, sushi shop downtown?”

               Kenny made an “okay” sign with his hand. “Hell yeah! Wanna see if Jimmy and Craig are willing to switch roommates?”

               “They’ll do it, they’re great wingmen.” Clyde took Kenny’s hand in his own, confident.

               Who needed classes or sports or parties or graduation? Hands down, Clyde would say the best thing about college was his super cool, not nerdy, Mandarin-speaking, psych major, idiot roommate. All that other stuff was just extra, pushing him closer to where he needed to be.

               Maybe a class on mysterious boyfriend investigation would be beneficial, though.

[jess-oh]

Reflection

I’m pretty tired but I just showered so I’m feeling better now. I do really want to write this before going to sleep tonight.

I’ve been getting a lot better at sleeping earlier and getting everything done much sooner! Working on the first floor is always fun. But, since I don’t stay up as late anymore, I don’t get as much done and I feel like I’m procrastinating. Like if I just stayed up tonight, I could knock my graphic design hw out of the park but then I would be really tired at church tomorrow. And I do want to pay attention and better develop my relationship with God. I actually didn’t get depressed today though, which is gr9. Overal, today was a pretty good day. I hope I’m not just rushing into things tho.

I woke up around 7am but decided to push myself to go back to sleep bc I could and by 9am, I was up and ready to start the day. So I waited about 40min for Sam to rejoin the living before Skyping him. We discussed games and settled on what to do. I was trying really hard not to micromanage and make him do what I want to do and just be okay with his decision. I trust his decision. Also, yknow, if it fails, I can blame it on him since it was his call. But I know I shouldn’t. If the second game fails, I should be the one to take responsibility and figure it out. Not him. Sigh. Anyway, I was a little frustrated this morning bc Rhyarna didn’t wake up in time and Emily and Eliza were taking their sweet time to get ready. But I also didn’t plan it super well so I didn’t say anything. I was partly to blame. I should’ve checked the transportation times before today and told them that we’d be leaving ten minutes earlier instead of 11;30, when the bus would be arriving. So it was really my fault, not theirs. And we were about 8min late but that was okay. The apartment in Hyde Park was super nice and I was surprised to like it so much. I was prepared to just say we were just looking around but they’re actually willing to secure the apartment for us until June 1st which is amazing. After going over utilities, renter’s insurance, and all that jazz, the living expenses aren’t actually too bad! I think I could handle paying for my own utilities along with groceries for a while. And my parents are okay with paying for my rent each month. It really just comes down to Rhyarna. And I know that it’s a process but I really hope she decides soon bc I really want to live there. It would be so much fun living off campus in my own apartment. I’m actually adulting! It’s exciting! And I hope I’m not being too eager! I should probably look for work elsewhere as well bc I won’t be able to work the whole time over the summer since it’s an on campus thing. I would want to but I don’t think any shifts will be available. I sure wish I could tho. I definitely need to start saving money now. It would take me about 13 weeks to reach a thousand dollars if I took out 20% of my paycheck everytime. Which is actually almost the whole semester... And even though we get a lot of money back during the second month, that’s basically all my money for the first two months right there. Well, no. Because my parents would be covering that. And yeah, with that money it would be the admin fee, move in fee, renters insurance, etc. But still, I think I could live off of $1000 for a couple months. Maybe not until October though since we usually have to wait a month before the money starts to roll in...hm.... Usually, groceries are going to cost me ~$60 every couple weeks. I could probably get away with $30 if I really tried to budget. And in that case, I could save more money sooner. I need to be able to last 4 months off of however much money. And if it was just groceries, that’d probably be okay. But I have to think about furniture too which would be a big chunk of it right away. Hm, maybe moving in so early isn’t such a good deal after all. Unless I keep working and find a different job, at least for over the summer while I’m in Chicago? That would definitely help me a lot. Well, I should definitely start saving at least 20% of each paycheck now. and we’ll see if i can find a job over the summer. i would work now but i dont want to overwhelm myself w/ 20hrs at work rn on top of school. i should ease into that if i want to work even more so that i still have time for hw and my church activities. But I think I’ll be okay. Hopefully. I also want to still buy birthday gifts for my friends this year so that may be an issue later on. Even rn, I’m thinking of going back to my sub of the day lifestyle bc i want to get Jeanne&David a gift now but by the time I get paid, it’ll be too late. So I have to use the money I have rn. Imma be broke, real fast. I should’ve taken better care of it. I am taking care of myself a lot more this year but I’m slowly realizing how expensive it is. It makes me almost regret it. 

Anyway, Hyde Park was really nice and all the while, I texted Andrew when I could and it was really nice. He was just venting about Emily and how he’s moving on and I’m really happy for him. It was nice to see him so excited. Or I guess emotional is a better word? He claims to be a really chill guy and he is but I’m also so happy whenever he allows himself to have emotions. To feel anger and frustration and joy and sadness and everything in between. It’s okay to be an emotional person. That’s what makes you human. And I was really glad to be talking with him. And I know I was pretty pessimistic towards Emily in the past but I’m really trying to be more optimistic now and give her the benefit of the doubt instead of always immediately assuming the worst and encouraging Andrew to do the same. By the way, I don’t think I could ever tell him that I liked him in a crush sort of way. It would change everything. And not necessarily bc we’re friends and that’d be weird but bc I discovered that he’s a really emotional person and I don’t want to mess with him like that. That’s just shitty and he doesn’t deserve that. Especially right now. Also, I kind of liked how the other day I was in the middle of typing a message to him but never sent it. It was a good reminder so I purposefully did it again last night. It was something along the lines of, “I’m happy for you and I don’t want to take that away from you so I don’t want to say anything to you.” But when I was so excited to reply to him today, I ended up just deleting that immediately and almost regretted that I didn’t actually write it down. But I am pretty sure that it was along the lines of that so I’m glad that I got to document it somewhere to look back on. 

But after that, we traveled up to Bucktown and were a bit intimidated by the apartment. It was really nice but a little too nice. I don’t think we were ready for it. It even had an upstairs. It straight up felt like a house. It actually had a laundry room and everything. And while the price was doable, I think we were all a bit scared. And plus, the tenants are looking for someone to move in by March 1st anyway which is a bit too early for us so it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But it was still nice to check out and understand the different neighborhoods a bit better.

After that, Rhyarna and Emily hung out while Eliza and I went back to the dorm. Oh, we also ate at McDonalds and played on a playground after the second apartment. That was actually so much fun just being able to let go and feeling like a kid again. Being unapologetically dumb, haha.

But yeah, Eliza and I went home and she knocked out while I chatted on the phone a bit with my sister and then doing more research into the apartment. Then, we went back out to Hyde Park along with Rhyarna’s roommate and just explored the area. I did feel like I was going out of my way to be witty and funny that night but it was still a fun experience nonetheless. And plus, her roomie actually had a wine opener so I finally opened the bottle and drank with my friends. And then I decided to give the rest to my roommates so that they could take it away from me. Which I think was the right thing to do. But I also wasn’t living the most Christlike today which I do regret. I kept trying to fit in and be cool by cussing and saying I casually drink and using the Lord’s name in vain and I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. I was definitely aware of what I was doing and saying and how it was wrong but I continued anyway. 

I do want to continue to be more open and accepting of who God is and really embrace that but I’m not there yet. I did pray long and hard about whether or not I should become a member at Lakeview and God gave me multiple signs that I should stay and commit. But at this point in my life, I am still hardcore struggling to rely on Him instead of myself and that makes me feel like I’m not quite ready to make that step yet. But maybe that’s moreso serving next year with Lakeview. And I haven’t really had time to pray about it either which is unfortunate but that’s really my own fault. Aside from not having a great outlet so I can just pray, I also think a part of me is afraid of the answer that God is going to show me. And I honestly don’t know which possibility I’m more scared of. But that’s where I’m at right now. I think I’ll take the forms to church tomorrow and be ready to give them to P. William but who knows if I’ll actually move forward with it. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.