#it's after midnight here so this is a certified late night shitpost

[jukeboxindie]

Nil headshot studies for fun! I’m trying to find a good way to draw him in my style without losing his likeness. This style turned out kind of comic book-y lol.

I know this is an art blog but while drawing this, my brain kept analyzing his character and his relationship with Aloy and now I want to info dump this on my friends but it’s so niche they won’t care or know what I’m talking about lmao so I’m just going to do it here under the cut.

I don’t do this often. This is a very casual write-up. (edit: This is so embarrassingly long and unhinged i might actually delete this later haha i’m sorry????)

TL;DR: i have a conversation with myself about overanalyzing a side quest character in a video game. why? no idea. i can’t explain myself. my brain do be like that sometimes.

AKA: nil hot, but the murder thing is a little weird: an essay

Preface: this is my interpretation of the characters. If you interpret them differently that’s valid! Keep doing what you do and have fun with your headcanons. I’m just writing this for fun, you don’t have to agree with me! (i’m also kind of nervous because i never write stuff like this and share but i’m so fixated on this side quest character i just need an outlet ahahaha sorry tumblr followers who read this, you’ve been warned).

RIGHT OFF THE BAT: I read Aloy as aroace, I’ll be happy for her whether she ends up having feelings for someone in the third game or not. I’m pretty indifferent when it comes to shipping but I like how practically everyone she meets falls in love with her. I read Nil as also on the aroace spectrum, probably due to circumstance because all he knows is war and has never experienced love or affection as far as the player knows. And he seems to only get turned on by violence.. at least in the first game. On that note, I absolutely love that he’s in love with Aloy haha. She doesn’t have to return his feelings, I like their relationship as it is already.

Before we get more into how Aloy changes Nil, let’s talk about the kind of character Nil is first: I like my fair share of angsty characters and he has every right to be full on angsty considering his background and how he still calls himself a soldier even though the war times are long over; but he isn’t angsty. It’s a different take on this type character and it makes him stand out to me which is probably where my fascination with him comes from.

Nil is unapologetically himself which is what I love about him. He is honest and maybe a bit too blunt but he’s a man of his word. He’s so honest that he voluntarily admits to his war crimes, does the time for it, goes through rehabilitation and is buddies with prison warden, they don’t even have anything *that* negative to say about him lmao. Incredible. He’s just so weird and takes everything in stride. He’s kind of a subversion to a character whose normal reaction is probably reaching a breaking point which leads to heroism or villainy. But he’s neutral. Not a hero or villain, perhaps an anti-hero or a vigilante type. Fascinating. I love the way he is written. Why is he left to be a side quest character he is so interesting please give him more to do in the next game PLEASE GUERILLA I AM BEGGING.

He has an honor code, knows that he has an “issue” (bloodlust, a need to murder, “The Call”) and copes with it by “doing the right thing for the wrong reasons” so.. killing bad people, bandits, thieves, etc... for sport!! He admits this so nonchalantly in front of Aloy like it is totally normal BLESS HIS LIL HEART. He might come off as creepy because The Call compels him, which yeah, isn’t normal or healthy but at least he follows the laws of the lands so... yay?

Aloy: I don’t keep count. (Nil, it isn’t normal to keep a body count...)

Nil: Don’t keep count? Sometimes I just don’t get you. Are you like us, or a little different. (You kill. I kill. Are we really that different?)

Aloy: Hopefully a little different. (YES.)

Nil: Hm.. that’s what you’re going to tell yourself. ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

He experiences some emotion, perhaps not the full range of an average person, due to his background he probably doesn’t completely understand how to feel emotions properly. But he TRIES SO HARD with Aloy. Nil thinks she is similar to him because she is a capable fighter/killer, but she’s also on a different path than him, a path of leadership and empathy. He doesn’t understand leadership, he is just a soldier who follows orders. Also he has a warped sense of empathy, twisted by war. He likes her for all of her qualities even if he doesn’t understand the full scope of them. She loves life, but he only knows death. At first the attraction comes from the killing they do together, but then the other feelings he eventually feels for her (love?) comes from the empathy she shows him and the partnership they form.

Nil even had a partner before Aloy, whom he didn’t seem too torn up about them dying. But when he first meets Aloy, he already appears cares about her from the beginning. He states that he likes her and looks forward to hunting with her. He also has a line that if Aloy dies, he'd kill the rest of the bandits before her body gets cold or something weird like that. But the more bandit camps you raid, the more he falls in love. Like.. I doubt he’d let serious harm come to her at that point. They’re more than just bandit-killing buddies, they’re partners, real partners. When there are no more bandits to kill, he sees their time coming to an end. How does he cope? FIGHT TO THE DEAAAATH. (Killing won’t be fun without her anymore, I don’t know where to go from here, oh wait GENIUS idea, die by her hands because it’ll be really fucking hot and romantic.) He confesses his feelings to her in the end in the dumbest way possible. He thinks he only feels through violence, so violence is the answer. If she agrees, he asks consent to confirm that she is okay with this and that he doesn’t want to pressure her (he is surprisingly polite). If she refuses, he’s heartbroken but he respects her choice (she breaks up with him, they part amicably).

OK BUT THEN Nil realizes that death and violence are not the best feelings you can feel. You can experience something better: life and love [audience awes]. So he shows up to help in the final battle. Because he still loves her... and because violence. Two in one, let’s gooooooooooooo

Aloy and Nil are both outcasts and haven’t had much normal interactions or conversation with regular people so when you put those two together they have HILARIOUS dialogue and reactions. They are both super awkward, the only difference is Aloy feels and acts awkward because she has a grasp of what “normal” conversations sound like, while Nil thinks he’s ABSOLUTELY NAILING this “having a normal human conversation with another normal human” thing every time they talk to each other. Which he isn’t. Everything he says is incredibly odd but he doesn’t seem to know or care. Aloy attempts a couple times to let him know what he’s saying is creepy but the man will not be deterred. He thinks he’s being charming.

Aloy: okgoodBYENIL. (best line delivery)

Okay.. okay... but.. The funniest and best part is that Aloy gives up on trying to tell Nil that’s he’s being weird and creepy because she realizes that he’s not doing it intentionally he just talks like that. So... then she just decides to accept it and befriend him instead!!! She attempts to relate to him, think like him, speak like him and it fails EVERY TIME BECAUSE THE DUMBASS MURDER MAN IS SO DENSE. Like one of my favorite moments is Aloy, knowing that he likes to kill, tells the murder boi that he can deal with the Eclipse as an outlet but then he’s like nah, i don’t get involved in politics. LMAO WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME. HE’S RIDICULOUS. Another moment she tries to relate to him on a friendly level:

Aloy: Your bow has a name? (He’s a weirdo.)

Nil: Yours doesn’t? (It’s normal, she’s weird.)

---------------

Aloy: So... what’s you knife called? (this weirdo named his bow, let me try to break the ice with a follow-up)

Nil: Why would someone name a knife? (????? (DENSE. SO DENSE.))

I know people like to say Nil is horny because of his sexually charged dialogue full of innuendos and that is totally valid! But I interpret it as a form of masking and/or his attempt at flirting by saying what he thinks someone in that situation would say. My funny little headcanon is that he doesn’t realize how horny he sounds. To Nil, this is a totally normal way to let someone you know you like them/look forward to seeing them again. You know, by saying things like:

“I can wait, I know you’ll be worth it.” (Translation: take your time, racing is better when you’re here)

“Here to unleash your demons? It always makes for quite a sight.” (Translation: girl pretty when she let’s herself have fun)

“Waiting will make the ride all the sweeter.” (Translation: I don’t mind waiting for you, I enjoy our time together)

This is getting way too long and I’m just rambling? idk what direction i’m taking this tbh? I guess I just really like Nil because of his character development. His arc starts with him knowing no other purpose than to kill. It was what he was  trained to do. He grew up in war, he doesn’t know a life besides war. Which is why after the war, he had a hard time adjusting and thought he had to continue killing to have a purpose in life. Everything else felt so empty.

Until he met Aloy.

Stupid sexy Nil wanted to die towards the end of his questline in HZD because he didn’t see a point in living, as dramatic as that sounds. His purpose was fulfilled, there were no more bandits to kill! And even if there were more bandits to kill, it wouldn’t be as fun if Aloy wasn’t around. So as far as he knows, he’s peaked in life. Which is why he requests to fight to the death on the plateau.

And in game canon, Aloy is like... No!! dumbass, I’m not killing you! We’re friends, I guess. Why don’t you be my ally in this world ending battle.

Aloy, before final battle: Nil, you’re making it difficult to be glad to see you. (She is glad to see him but Nil says something that’s very... Nil, as usual)

So Nil becomes her ally in battle. Then he survives. Now.. he wants to live. He wants to try to experience life like Aloy does. And probably realizes that Aloy sorta maybe just a little disapproves him killing for sport................ So he takes up the less violent hobby of street racing with a bunch of rebel kids who didn’t want to fight in war. He knows what war does to people, he is a product of war. He keeps these kids on a better track in life (get it????? because racetrack they race on the right track of life now, get it eh? get-).

Nil: A reunion with an old partner deserves more than a handshake, don’t you think? (running you off the track (violence) is our thing! a secret handshake! an inside joke that normies have, right?! winky face emoji)

Aloy: We killed bandits together, Nil. For different reasons. I’m not sure we were partners. (serious)

Nil: I am. Now more than ever. Especially since we’ve moved on to something more entertaining. (ok but you were intrigued by my disguise and kept coming back to race me... so you like me. also, you changed me! i enjoy life now, too.)

Anyways it’s cute and if they bring him back next game I hope he develops more and becomes a more prominent ally to Aloy. Also it would be hilarious if he adapts a new alias and changes his look again.. but this time as his ~*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ truest self *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧~

ok bye

if you made it to the end well.. i don’t know what to tell you. i hope it was entertaining? um.. here you go:

[gayoperatorgunclub]

Hi, we have yet to officially meet on Discord and I wanted to say welcome to the group. I noticed that you are open for asks, so I was wondering if you could tell me about your opinion of the Rook x Doc pairing and some hcs? If it bothers you then it's okay I understand

hi!!!!! thank you so much for the warm welcome!!! ALSO thank you for respecting my personal opinion and comfort about rook x doc!!!!! since i really like the possibility for a sort of father/son relationship between them, i’ve done some hcs from this list for them. you can read it as romantic if you want, but i’m really just vibing with these ones. i hope you enjoy!!!!

How do they feel about people shorter/taller than them? - gustave is completely comfortable with his height. he’s tall enough to not get made fun of, and short enough to be able to be comfortably held by his s/o. julien, on the other hand, will threaten every operator who’s taller than him. he has leaped onto oryx’s shoulders from above, attempted to tackle sledge, decided he would only spar against amaru, and, when drunk, has tried to perform WWE moves on montagne. he is the epitome of “i will beat you the fuck up. no cap. *punching noises* bitch.” 

What are they like on social media? (What’s their username, profile pic, etc.) - gustave knows how to operate social media, and is familiar with certain niches on many of them, but doesn’t have any accounts of his own. he just doesn’t really care enough. there is a fanpage of him on instagram, courtesy of twitch and julien. speaking of, julien has an account on twitter, instagram, snapchat, and vsco, and is extremely active on all of them. here’s what he uses them for:

twitter: shitposting and venting

instagram: aesthetics and vaguely confusing/threatening updates on his life

snapchat: chaos videos of him and twitch being bastardous

vsco: aesthetics and horse pics

Their sexuality? - gustave is either gay or bi (really just depends on the mood, just understand that he is under no circumstances straight. he’s just not. don’t do him dirty like that) and julien is gay but drinks an infinite amount of respect women juice (gustave does too but he also gets pegged by his hypothetical gf so 👀👀👀) 

Preferred weather? - gustave absolutely ADORES rainy weather. people have found him lying face down on the patio during thunderstorms, just. vibing. meanwhile, julien loves it when the weather’s sunny and warm, with fluffy white clouds in the sky. his ideal date is a picnic out on a prairie where they can cloudgaze, and maybe, if they stay long enough, stargaze as well

What’s their sleeping schedule? - gustave has no sleep schedule to speak of. when he next collapses is purely up to the gods. he has slept for 72 hours straight, and he’s gone a week on several well-timed 30 minute power naps. julien, meanwhile, is a bit of a health nut, so he is very serious about his schedule, specifically, when he eats, excercises, sleeps, wakes up, everything has a specific time slot. at the same time, he can and will get up in the middle of the night for a snack, prompting gustave to set up a surveillance system with speakers so if julien tries to eat their supply of ice cream, gustave can yell at him. this has led to julien avoiding the kitchen after dark because “god resides there after-hours” 

Favorite music? - gustave likes classic and new wave rock (think the Beach Boys, Queen, The Talking Heads, David Bowie, Elton John, The B-52′s, Depeche Mode, and many others) but he also really likes music in general, so he doesn’t have a real favorite. julien will only listen to a genre he describes as “gay yearning and longing with hints of faerie and cottagecore aesthetics” so, hozier and cavetown. 

How’s their cooking? - gustave is a culinary mastermind and julien nearly burnt down the kitchen making microwave ramen

It’s movie night, what movie do they pick? - i think it was @juduseye that wrote about gustave loving Casablanca, and honestly that hc is 🔥🔥🔥. i think julien would pick a movie like Princess and the Frog, Mulan, Atlantis, and other movies from disney’s “weird” period

How would they hold up in a pillow war? - they are masters of pillow warfare. they are sworn allies, and team up against everyone else in rainbow. they win every. single. time

What’s their sleeping position? - gustave is either starfished out on his bed, or curled up around whoever he’s in bed with. julien sleeps on his stomach, cuddling with his pillow

Who do they go to for comfort? - EACHOTHER 🥺🥺🥺

Something small that they enjoy? - gustave loves his collection of plushies and fleece blankets, and julien is VERY proud of his model train collection 

How do they feel about physical contact by others? - they both welcome it with open arms. they’re built like friends. made to cuddle. certified to be huggable. in some countries, they’re actually registered therapy animals 

What is enough to bring them to tears? - for gustave: loss, death, and thinking about that one comic of a meteor with a hat that says “i heart dinos” holding a map of “dinosaur world” (earth) and looking so excited BUT IT’S THE METEOR THAT CAUSED THE EXTINCTION OF THE DINOSAURS AND IT DOESN’T KNOW THAT IT CAN’T VISIT THEM BECAUSE IT’LL CAUSE THE DINOSAURS TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i also start crying whenever i think about that fucking comic) 

julien: same as gustave but add people having low expectations of him, making fun of how young he is, and sarah mclachlan commercials

Biggest pet peeve? - Bigotry. and chewing with your mouth open

How well do they take care of themselves? - they both claim to be self sufficient but gustave legally can’t drive and julien tried to soften butter in a microwave but ended up with an electrical fire

What’s something they like that may be surprising to others? - gustave adores fashion niches, and julien knows everything about the legend of zelda

Do they consider others family? - uhhhhhhhhh, YEAH

Any bad habits that they have? - gustave: no sleep, blames himself for everything, is lactose intolerant but eats ice cream daily 

julien: midnight snacks, yelling at the tv, fighting anyone taller than him

What’s their idea of a perfect vacation? - for gustave, either a trip to a city with a lot of historical sites and museums, or a trip to his family beach house. vibe. chill. fuck nonstop. for julien, hawaii. that is all 

Do they get lost easily? Will they ask for directions if they are? - gustave will never admit it, but he gets lost walking in a straight line. he gets distracted!! undiagnosed adhd check! julien knows where things are and how to get to them, based on other places and landmarks, but he really couldn’t tell anyone else how to get somewhere 

The strangest thing they have ever seen? - gustave once walked in on tachanka in drag. now they watch drag race together. julien is consistently the one to find gustave lying face down on the balcony during thunderstorms. it’s worrying

How well do they accept advice? - gustave is too nice to say anything to someone’s face, but unless you’re one of the very few people he trusts enough to accept advice from, he has to resist the urge to do the opposite of what you advise. meanwhile, julien is constantly receiving advice, but in reality, he’s one of the most wise people in rainbow. it’s just that he says things like “take it easy. BUT TAKE IT” that make people think he’s a hot mess

How much do they swear? - gustave will only swear in worst case scenarios (which are more common than he cares to admit), and julien likes seeing the scandalized looks on people’s faces when they hear him cuss someone out 

Do they like being in pictures? - gustave will allow like three people to photograph him, because he likes their style and knows they won’t do him dirty with angles and such. julien is self-conscious about his smile, so he usually does it to em in group pictures

Is there anything they’re bad at? - gustave is terrible at pronouncing certain words, and julien doesn’t do well with limits

What’s their morning schedule? - gustave: wake up, pray, eat, go to work

julien: wake up, hit snooze (x10), be late for work 

Any past injuries? - gustave’s terrible computer posture has finally caught up with him, and now you won’t see him without an ice pack for his lower back, and julien is too young to have any chronic injuries, but he has broken his arm during training 

Something that disgusts them? - gustave hates long hair. it’s just so stringy and it makes him gag!!! he also hates stringy cheese because it makes him think of long strands of hair and all of a sudden he’s physically nauseous. julien can’t stand holes. trypophobia ass bitch