#it's apt but i might be regretting making that my feanorian-adjacent tag

[exercise-of-trust]

i. hm.

so unfortunately knitting means that i spend a lot of time rattling around in my own head, except when i’ve dropped stitches and have to focus on fixing that. anyway i’ll spare you all the horrible realizations i’ve had about myself over the past week, but today’s edition was, basically, why do i feel the way i do about the silmarils?

i mean, this blog has been loudly pro-feanorian since its inception. the blog i made before this one was, if possible, even worse. i know i’ve been pissed at the valar about this since, like, middle school. but i don’t know why. ‘cause at its heart - the silmarils are things. part of my - i don’t know, ethical system i guess? is that in the vast majority of cases no one can make the decision that a thing is worth more than a person except that person: e.g. there are some objects i could be convinced to die for but there is no object i would prioritize over the life of someone who is not me. and the silmarils are things. and murder is committed over those things. and i’m perfectly all right with saying “the kinslayings were Objectively An Evil Thing To Do,” but there’s also a very strong feeling within me that thingol & co. absolutely had no right to the silmarils in the first place. not that that excuses the kinslayings, because theft is bad but it does not warrant murder, see the point about people > things. but, it’s still theft and still Bad, not nearly as bad but bad.

which is a deeply weird place for me to be! because i have no problem supporting much heavier taxes on people and corporations with more money than god, so why do i feel like it was Not-Right for the valar to ask for the silmarils? is it because taxation is supposed to help fix that thing where people die because they can’t afford medical treatment, and because the silmarils aren’t saving any lives? i also support tax money going to less critical general quality-of-life things, so that can’t be it. is it because money is a numerical sort of thing, and the silmarils are tangible? is it because the silmarils are heavily implied to contain some amount of their creator’s life force? is it because money is made as a result of the labor of others and the silmarils were 100% one man’s invention? (and then we get into the argument about the light coming from the trees, so - i don’t know.)

emotionally, i am firmly rooted in the belief that nobody has any claim on the silmarils except the house of feanor. logically, i can’t explain why i feel this way in a way that is consistent with my equally strong feelings on what counts as an appropriate distribution of wealth in the real world. it does not feel like the governing body of valinor should have the right to tell people that for the common good they are required to give up something that, to whatever extent, they have made. i do not have the same feeling about how taxes work in the united states of america. i am not sure why these feelings are different, and it’s bothering me.