#it's like 'I'm gonna fight this urge to cringe! DAMN!!! Urge to cringe GOT HANDS!!'

[bumblingbabooshka]

Having mirrorverse Tuvok/Neelix thoughts...

[liljungie]

MVP | Jeon Jungkook | AU 3

Pairing: [ soccer player] jungkook x reader

Warnings: angst | slight smut

Part 1 / part 2 / part 3

Masterlist

_

How am I gonna get out of this?!

Panic rush through me as I look anywhere but her,It's not like I can say it was raining because the weather today was extremely sunny not a single cloud in the sky.

So that was out of the question and I started to think of anything that I could pass the blame on other than the weather.

"Well.." i scratch the back of my head suddenly every word I know vanished into thin air, making it impossible to form a sentence she looked at me waiting "Uh..jimin" I clap my hands together as I speak to grab her attention " p-pulled another prank on me" I said the first words that came to mind hoping they came out clearly "oh you poor thing! I'll tell kookie to talk to him you're a lady jimin can't treat you like that!" She huffed in annoyance.

Ugh why is she so nice? I can see why Jungkook fell for her...if only she wasn't so damn nice to me maybe I'd hate her enough to push away the guilt.

"I-It's okay- really.. jimin and I joke like that a lot he's only getting back at me for putting powdered peppers in his boxers.." I tried to laugh at the end but it came out so awkward and well...fake. but she luckily went with it "Oh that's mean" she says with a scowl on her face "not gonna lie I was weirded out seeing you in my boyfriend's Jersey"she laughed nervously, "but I think Jungkook witnessed what happened" she smiled laughing at the end which I assume she was laughing at the situation or me..

I felt a lump in my throat form I went pale at her words, my hands start to sweat so I quickly rub them against my jeans laughing along with her.

"I gotta go shower now bye!" I yell behind me walking fast to my room so I avoid any more questions "yeah you smell like semin...jimin is so mean" I hear her yell after me

I cringe as I hear her words "I'm sorry jimin" I say to one one, under my breath as I close the door behind me letting out a sigh of relief but deep down guilt ate away at me...

///

A week passed, I hadn't seen Jungkook since that day.

he didn't even try to reach me so I didn't bother either, my heart was mayhem but maybe not seeing him was for the better.

Even though it tore me apart inside.

My exams and assignments took most of my time, I barely had time for myself anyway.

I was chilling in my room in the afternoon writing an essay I had to hand in Monday while listening to music.

It was finally the weekend I'm done with my exams but I had a few things to hand out still and I finally got around it.

I faintly hear a knock on my door and pause the song and slide my chair over to the door opening it.

To find her, dressed nicely make up and hair done to perfection, she smiled at me "Jungkook is taking me on a date!" She squealed as my heart dropped.

she pushed the door more open and twirled in the middle of my room, her yellow dress was just above her knees, making her glow like a star "how do I look?!" She smiled as she looked me in the eyes waiting for my answer.

"Stunning" I replied my face drained of color I swolled the lump in my throat heat prickling down my neck as I stare at her, hurt evident on my features, she was checking herself on the tall mirror I had beside my desk.

He was taking her out on a date? A date?!

My mind was still processing what she said, so he does have free time to take her on dates but not text me at all?! Not even once this whole week!

"Really?!" She squealed once again, she was so happy seems like even gravity couldn't hold her down she was skipping with happiness.

The things I'd do to be her...

I only nodded my head, I felt like a shook up can of soda that was going to burst soon, with glossy eyes I tried to keep looking at her but I couldn't. I turned away.

"I have been dying to spend time with him now that my exams are over I'm gonna be by his side every single day" she says her eyes glowing. Probably day dreaming about the 'date'

"Mhm that's nice" I say as I slide my chair back to my desk, I didn't know I was crying, I curse under my breath. I can't let her see me.

"Oh I'm sorry if I disturbed you" she finally noticed that I was studying and turned to me thankfully my hair covered the side of my head so she couldn't see my face "I'll leave you now so you can study okay?" She giggled and walked to the door opening it slowly

"Fighting _____!" She shouted her fist in the air cheering me on as if that would make it easier I only sent her a small smile with a nod then my eyes went back on the screen the letters were so blurry.

"oh and I'm spending the weekend at his place so don't wait for me!" She giggled, I felt my chest tighten as I heard her say that, seconds passed and I heard my bedroom door closed shut. Finally.

I let out a sigh that felt like a sob I tried to distract myself by writing more, I turned up the volume of the music I tied my hair up to cool me down. frustrated I let it fall on my shoulders...nothing worked.

Nothing could shut my thoughts off, all I could think of was her in his arms, in his lap, kissing and touching him.

I could see images of him kissing and holding her like he held me...

"_____ I'm leaving now bye!" I heard her faintly yell from the living room breaking me away from my trance a few moments of silence and right when I heard her shut the apartment door close. I threw my phone at the mirror she was infront of minutes ago it all shattered along with my phone screaming in frustration I fell to the floor sobbing.

he consumed every inch of me he took over every part of me, and it's my falut that I let him get to me this way.

This close.

I felt my body burn and ache until I couldn't feel anything anymore and sleep took over me.

///

I woke up to banging on the door I sat up, confused, I looked around I was on the floor in the middle of my room I looked at the watch on the wall it read 12 am.

I must have slept for a long time.

I heard the banging again but louder this time oh so I wasn't dreaming? I wanted to yell her name so she could open the door instead but I remembered...everything.

I found it hard to stand up, or seems like my heart couldn't bare to do anything I'm so out of it, I feel so numb and so hurt. That even standing was too much for me to take.

I made my way to the door. in the dark living room I turned on the spot lights to provide a bit of light in so I could see better, my eyes were swollen from how much I cried and my vision is still blurry from the tears.I move my hair out of my face as I walk to the door slowly.

I open the door and there he stood.

Jungkook.

He sighs relieved and pulls me towards him.

"Oh my fucking God I was so afraid" he says, holding me tighter.

I was astonished I must be dreaming this, this can't be... she was over at his place how did he get out?

He pulled away and looked at me almost analyzing my face "I was so worried!" He tells me "I called you so many times why didn't you pick up?!" He scolds his grip on my arms was tight

He did?

How come it's ringing didn't wake me up?

Then I remember how I threw it at the mirror and I don't know if it was still working for not, I need a new phone for sure it seems.

I pull away and he looked at me hurt that I pushed him lightly off of me "you didn't text or call this whole week why does it suddenly matter?" I ask raising my eyebrows, arms crossed as I look up at him waiting for the answer that I longed for this whole week.

"_____" he sighed as he rubbed his temple "I'm sorry I couldn't I was dealing with a lot" he stated, clearly he didn't want to talk about it so I dropped the topic because I just don't think it matters anymore. It won't go anywhere because if there's one thing I'm sure of is jungkook keeps to himself and there's no way you'll ever get something out of him.

"Why you were waiting for me to call you?" A playful grin on his features, I stop in my tracks and turn around looking at him in disbelief, is this what he thought of me? who am I kidding this is all I'm ever gonna be for him. Just for pleasure. He can disappear for as long as he wants and expects me to wait for him.

"Not at all..I could care less about you" I say avoiding his eyes walking slowly back to my room until suddenly I'm turned face to face with him "stop avoiding me!" He harshly tells me, his eyes stare into mine and I feel my body give up on me and surrender to his touch.

His gaze was strong and the more he stared at me, his eyes softened"... you were crying weren't you baby?" He asks, His voice was so soft and quiet I felt my heart ignite with life agai, the way he was holding my face between his hands now tracing my cheeks with his thumbs soothingly.

"N-No I wasn't-"  I groggily reply only for him to sigh "you don't have to lie to m-"

"Why are you here?" I ask cutting him off, pushing him away harder this time. I saw the way his face fell "you don't want me here?" He asks "you left her to see me?" He swoalled and bite his lip "yes" he answers in heart beat "..I told her I forgot my text book at taehyung's...and I just...I just wanted to see you" I look at his eyes sparkle for some reason he had this look on his face that just screamed at me to take him in my arms.

I used all my power to resist that urge and I stepped back, I feel tears start in my eyes again "Jungkook..." I whimpered

My heart aches because I know what I was going to say but my heart wasn't in it "we have to stop this" I cried

His eyes went wide and his mouth opened with shock and disbelief "_____ you can't do this...not now-please just listen to me-" he walks forward,his arms reach for mine I walk away from him pushing him away from me "we can't anymore...my heart can't take it!" I shouted tears fall endlessly, his gaze was too strong for me so I look away

"What are you saying _____?!" He shouted angrily "why push me away now? Huh?" He cried "tell me why are you doing this to us!" My back hits the wall behind me his hands come up on each side Trapping me.

I feel the emotions bottle up and boil inside me until they spill and I'm left feeling numb I met his eyes and the words I said next shocked him and myself..

"I love you!" I cried "Jungkook I love you!" I pause "but I can't do this anymore!" I tell him wiping my tears as more fall "please understand- I can't bear it I just-"

His lips closed on mine shutting me up.

The kiss was deep not his needy lustful kisses this was different...he kissed me passionately.

"Let me change your mind- I know I can" he pulled away his forehead touching mine "please baby..you can't do this..you can't do this to me!" I felt his tears drip down on my cheeks, seeing him like this broke my heart completely I let out a cry "but Jungkook it's wrong.." I whisper "she's sound asleep in your bed and you're...here with me" I tell him "this is not fair to her...this isn't fair to me! you have no idea of the pain I'm going through..." I say as I place my hands ontop of his hands that were holding my cheeks he had his eyes closed his breathing is uneven and shaky.

"Do you think I'm not suffering too?" He says his eyes bore into mine and I see the pain I feel swim in his eyes too "do you think this isn't hurting me?" He whispered

I shake my head "then break up with her!" I say loudly, to get it through his thick head.

"I can't!" He shouts "I just can't bring myself to!" He looks away from me as I taste my tears and stare at him heartbroken.

I cry "but you can bring yourself to see me in tears begging you to stay away when I want you?" I laugh "do I mean anything to you at all? do you even care about me?" I yell "do you even love me?" I whimpered, my chest heaving up and down.

"Yes I do _____!" He yells back. We're facing each other "stop I beg of you!" he cried tugging on his hair "seeing you cry because of me hurts like hell!" he says backing me up against the wall "good!" I reply my eyes sharply stare into his making his eyebrows raise "you drive me insane _____" he tells me placing his hands beside each side of my head "why can't I stop thinking of you! You! And the way you talk! your body! your scent! Anywhere I go all I think of is you!" He punched a hole in the wall right next to my face "so don't you dare and say that you don't matter to me..you consume me whole and I can't stay away" he pulls me closer his hands on my hips "let me love you _____..." he whispers.

"Let me take care of you stop being so stubborn angel and let me...please _____" he whispers his eyes held so much lust behind I felt his bulge against my inner thigh he leaves trail of kisses on my neck, I whimper and push him away with the little force left in me he stares at me angry.

I swallow the lump in my throat when he walks towards me again "you're horny and that's the only reason you're here" I state he stops dead in his tracks his face inches away from mine "you're only here for pleasure nothing else" I continue "at first it was an honest mistake but then it turned into a habit then I thought you loved me because why would you keep coming back?" I snorted tears pool in my eyes but I don't let them fall.

He wasn't worth it anymore "Jungkook I'm nothing but a game to you" I whisper "and I want out" I turn away from him his grip on my wrist stops me from walking away and he turns me to face him "tell me what I can do to prove you wrong!" His eyes pierce through mine he licks his lips "tell me what to do!" He says louder

I pull my hand out of his and stare into him intensely "I told you what to do" I swallow "because we can't keep doing this I'm done" I tell him walking to my room and I shut the door behind me.

He stood still even after the door had been shut, he was speechless.

Anger took over him he wanted to break your door open and have his way with you but your message was loud and clear so he turned away and closed the apartment door shut after him not wanting to argue with you anymore.

________

A/N: Hey I feel really stumped with this imagine so I need your opinion please how should I carry this on? I'm sorry for any mistakes and for the short part your opinion on this matters so please help me out here!

[jamkookies]

° Bon Voyage °

• Part X •

Bad Influence

~

You'd held him like a child.

He hadn't been able to say anything else, the unspoken words threatening to break him down.

So you had held him, swallowing back your tears for his sake and rocking him back and forth.

You hadn't pushed him to talk any further, scared of making him relive the experience all over again.

Some moments later, the nurses had come into the room and urged him to use the wheelchair and he had never left your eyes for a second, even when the door closed behind him.

You were now left with a feeling of emptiness that no other person could fill.

You just couldn't wrap your head around the fact that he had killed a person for you.

A despicable, evil, but living person nonetheless.

Just how far could Jungkook go for your sake? you thought.

"I hope you're feeling better by now."

You turn your head to the side and see Manager Sejin sitting on the same chair.

You hadn't even noticed him, too absorbed into the swirling vortex of thoughts in your mind.

There's a smile on his lips but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good. Then we can continue."

He pulls his chair close to your bed and props his elbows on his knees.

"You do realize you have caused us a lot of trouble, right?" he begins.

You fail to look him in the eye as the embarrassment of recent events causes heat to rise in your face.

"I know and I am really sorry."

"Just being sorry isn't enough, though. I would've let you off the hook if you had brought these things only to yourself but the problem is, you haven't.

You've made the other members get caught up into your situations."

As you slowly raise your head, you notice that this isn't just a normal scolding session. Sejin wasn't gonna let this go with just a couple of warnings.

The guy was serious about this and you had to admit, he was right.

Jungkook had had to kill someone because of you.

You wished you had died instead.

"First, I get notified by the bodyguards that you had thrown a tantrum at the beach, unnecessarily looking for Jimin when he was safe and sound just a little further. Then, you get drunk as a skunk, making us delete all the footage ,and let's not even mention the childish swearing and cussing."

You open your mouth to say something, but no words come out.

What could you possibly tell him?

He was right about everything.

"Did you know what Jungkook had to do? He said that when the man came back, he tried to kidnap you again. While they were brawling, Jungkook had

grabbed a rock and smashed it into his skull."

You stare at him, mouth agape.

Jungkook...

"He was in a state of shock because of what he'd done, but he managed to pull himself together for you. And you don't even know what he went through because you've been unconscious for two days".

He sighs and lowers his tone a little bit, trying not to get too carried away.

"I know that not everything that happened is your fault. Jungkook said he was the one who pushed you to go out of the bodyguards' sight, but that doesn't justify your actions.

You should realize that the boys, especially Jungkook, tend to be more reckless when they're around you. I don't know if it is to prove you something or just because they want to."

He glares at you with daggers shooting from his eyes.

"I also noticed that you've become rather close with him."

You duck your head again in shame. He had almost caught you red-handed a while ago.

"Listen, Y/N. I'm going to be honest with you. You're really good at your job. You can sing, dance and perform perfectly, but you're no good for the boys.

You're a bad influence."

There they were.

The words you had been expecting.

You'd figured out that it was a matter of time before he'd say them.

You muster up the courage to raise your head as a final act of maintaining your dignity.

There's no emotion in your words - no hate, no hard feelings. Just pure professionalism.

"I'm really sorry about everything. I'll pack up my bags as soon as they remove my bandages."

He nods once and you can't help but almost cringe at his sigh of obvious satisfaction.

"It was nice knowing you, Y/N-ssi." he says and offers a hand for you to shake on.

You extend yours and fight the urge to squeeze it harder than you have to.

He rises from his seat and leaves the room.

You felt like someone had ripped a chunk from your heart and shredded it to pieces.

No more concerts, no more shows, no more shooting, no more fun time spending with the boys.

No more family.

It was time for you to leave the group.

* * *

"So, what was so urgent that you called all of us here?"

You're stalling for time, not knowing how to say it to them, and Namjoon wasn't making it any easier with those pretty eyes of his boring into you.

"I have been thinking a lot lately." you say. "And I've noticed that there are so many things that I have to fix."

"Like what?" Jin asks.

"My life. It's pretty much in shambles right now."

"Uh-oh, I think the nurses must have put something into her medicine." Taehyung says.

"I'm not joking, hyung. This is serious."

"Is this because of the accident? We thought you'd gotten over it by now." Jimin approaches you with worried eyes.

"It's not just that. Everything I've done has gone for the worse and I don't feel well."

"Is there something bothering you? Are you sick?"

"No, I just-"

"What exactly are you trying to say?" Namjoon insists.

"I'm saying that I need to take a break."

"For how long?" Yoongi asks.

"Forever."

"What?!" Taehyung exclaims.

The others echo him and you're left with their constant buzzing into your ears, words that you can't discern.

"What do you mean by forever? Is this some kind of joke?"

You say nothing.

"Y/N, we know you feel bad about what Jungkook did but it was not your fault."

Jimin looks at you sympathetically and you almost drop your guard, almost tell him that it was not your choice, that you had to do this because of them.

You'd realized they wouldn't let you go if you told them the truth so you had to improvise. Let them think you were leaving the group to satisfy your own ego. Be selfish for once.

It was the only way they could carry on without you.

"I know that, hyung. But I don't feel like doing this anymore. I think I'm gonna do things on my own from now on."

Hurt flashes in his eyes and you can feel your heart being shattered into a million pieces.

"You wanna go solo?" Jin asks.

You still say nothing.

"But we've been together for so long." Taehyung pleads.

They look at you expectantly, begging for you to at least show some emotion, except for Namjoon, who can't seem to take his distrustful eyes off of you.

Damn him and his 148 IQ.

You muster up the courage as you try to keep your voice from shaking.

"It's time I leave the group."

"You what?!"

You snap your head towards the voice and you suddenly wish for the floor to split open and swallow you whole.

Jungkook is standing on the doorway, flabbergasted at your declaration.

He closes the distance in three long strides, instantly at the side of the bed.

For a moment you forget about everything and almost cry in relief at his improvement. There was still a hint of limping but he was walking just fine.

"Tell me this is a joke."

"I..."

"Y/N."

"I'm not joking."

It's like all of his face loses its pigment, and he just stares at you, speechless.

Then, two droplets of tears slide from his cheeks to his chin.

You'd never seen him cry since debuting.

"After all we got through, you're giving up now? You wanna chase after your dreams? Huh? Is that what you wanna do?"

"Jungkook, please..."

"Why now? Why now out of all times?" His voice cracks and it's the most heartbreaking sound you've ever heard.

You can't do this anymore.

You have to get out, get away before the truth spills from your lips.

On the verge of tears, you rip the blanket off of you and start clawing at the tubes attached to your arms.

"Y/N, what are you doing - " you hear the others say, but you can't stop.

Out.

You had to get out.

Jungkook grips you by your forearm with pleading eyes but you shake him off.

Out.

"Are you okay?"

"Y/N, I'll call the nurses-"

"Just let her go". Namjoon's voice.

In nothing but your hospital gown, you make your way out of the room.

* * *

The continuous chirping of the birds doesn't do anything to calm the raging storm of emotions in you. You felt conflicted, having to choose between playing the bad guy and being truthful.

You hated it with all your might but there was nothing else you could do.

It had come to this.

"Int tajjeb?" the nurse asks you in Maltese.

"Iva. Grazzi."

At least the week spent here had proven to be worthy of something.

You'd managed to learn some basic phrases and you could understand that she had just told you if you were okay now.

The nurse offers you a smile and scuttles away, tending to another patient.

You take a deep breath of the crispy air and let it sink in.

The bench you were sitting on and your lack of undergarment beneath the gown didn't do anything to shield you from the cold breeze.

Oh, how you wished you could let everything go to hell.

You were sick and tired of it.

What were you gonna do from now on?

Where were you gonna go?

Just go back to your parents in shame, with not a single decent excuse to why you had left?

Absolutely not.

You feel a jacket being thrown around your shoulders and you lift your eyes to see Hoseok's head above you, wearing an apologetic smile.

"Thanks." you barely a whisper.

He takes a seat next to you and stares ahead.

"You know, I've only seen Jungkook cry before we debuted." he says in a low, cautious voice. "I was going through a lot and I decided to leave the group. The kid started bawling his eyes out. I don't think he ever cried like that for his parents."

You nod, remembering all too well the exact look on his face when Hoseok had claimed his farewell.

He turns his head now, looking at you dead in the eye.

"Jungkook loves you, Y/N. We all know that."

You almost choke by the straight-forwardness of his words

"And I know you're not really interested in starting a solo career. You think we're dumb?"

"But I-"

He stops you with a palm raised in front of him.

"I don't want to hear it. But just know,

Y/N, that Jungkook doesn't deserve to experience this for the second time."

You gulp harshly and the sting of your next lie makes your throat hurt.

"Well, then tell Jungkook that I also have a life to live."

It was over.

You were never gonna go back to how it was before.

The words had been said and the damage had been made.

All of it intentionally.

If he wasn't gonna fall for your previous lies, then he would definitely buy this.

He doesn't say anything but the shock is quite visible on his face.

He nods once and leaves without looking back.

The jacket slips from your shoulders and along with it, the fake mask of your pretention.

* * *

The heavy suitcase weighs you down and it's all you can do not to scrape it on the floor.

Clad in new, comfortable clothes you make your way towards the room with the number 215 on it.

You can't get rid of the nervousness that has taken hold of you, no matter how hard you try.

With shaking hands, you put the suitcase on the ground and crack the door open, careful not to make a sound.

He's laying on his back, wrapped up in the blankets, eyes closed.

You grimace, trying to hold in the whimper that rises in your throat.

Feet light as a cat, you approach the bed, obviously too small for him as his legs were sticking out of the frame.

If only you knew how much I love you.

If only you knew how I wish we could stay like this forever.

You bend down and press a feather-light kiss on his forehead.

The last time you'll ever look at him like this, drinking him in, savoring the feeling of his image behind your eyelids.

He was gonna hate you with all his might, you knew that.

You knew it and you still did what you had to do.

As long as he is safe.

As long as they are safe.

You take backwards steps and close the door behind you, your heart now a shattered mess.