#it's like i dont have anyone to really count on. which is selfish. but i've always felt like a reserve friend

[navramanan]

Dont know which would be worse

[fellixue]

A Kiss

felix x femreader

word count: 1.7k

fluff☁️ kinda angst ig T-T

warnings: none lol xp

note: this is my first time making a fanfic so im sorry if this isnt that good T-T but im also using my laptop and im in school iss so yeah:') anyways hope you enjoy this 👁️👁️

why were you here again? oh yeah i remember! you have to be here if you wanna pass this dumb project.

little back story:

"so, y/n recently you've been failing..." "i'm what? but i've been paying attention, working, doing credits. what do you mean i'm failing?" you were angry, upset. why were you failing? "listen, it isn't that, there is this really big project you need to do..." "okay, i'll do it. give me instructions." you say crossing your arms."but, in order to get full grade, you will have to work with a group." great, a group project. you are so bad with people it isn't even funny.

"um okay, but i don't have anyone to work with so, how is that gonna work? you know i'm bad with people." "i know, but you have to... i want you to start socializing more. it might be good for you!" "yeah i think so too! but once again, unfortunately i do not have anyone" you said in a proud cocky tone. "yeah thats why i picked one out for you." your smile has never faded away that quickly before. he got you a group? "oh? well... who are they?" you questioned. " do you know those boys over there?" he asked while pointing to a group of, what? around 8 guys? "umm i dont think so, no." "well you will be working with them." the teacher says with a smile on his face while yours is in complete dread.

"yeah no, not gonna happen. there is over five guys over there. i will not put myself in such a situation." you said with arms crossed and looking at him with a glare. you were not going to work with them. they seemed ignorant and annoying, and there was so many of them, over five in fact. "you either work with them or you get a 50 or a 0." this is so unfair! "wha- fine, but if something happens to me, its your fault." you say walking away. were you being dramatic... yes maybe, but men scared you, they are not people you like to really hang around, but you need to pass in order to graduate. plus, you didnt really like them either... they were always loud and just stupid pretty boys who had girls all over them.

"uhh, hey..." you say to the boys. "hey! we heard you were going to be working with us! we are glad to have you join our group, we will introduce ourselves!" he was... really nice actually. "my names chris but you can call me chan! nice to meet you!" he said sticking out his hand waiting for you to shake it, which you did. "hi! my names jisung!" he also seemed very nice... hm. "hi, im minho" he said with a smile, "names seungmin! glad to have you:)" "hi! my names hyunjin!" he stuck his hand out as well, and once again you smile and shook it. "changbin! nice to meet you!" he smiled like most of them did. "hi! i am jeongin, nice to meet you, whats your name?" he smiled so sweetly, you really liked his smile! "uh my names y/n" you just smiled and looked at the blonde haired boy who still havent introduced himself. "hello, my names felix! nice to meet you, you have a very pretty name!" he says while smiling. huh, for some reason you really vibed with him.

okay story times over~

"okay so who has an idea? we need to work together for this to work" you liked chan, he was responsible, he would make a great leader some day. "uh yeah i agree, so far we've only talked and it wasnt about the project..." you say, this might sound selfish of you but you just wanna pass, you need to, even if its just you doing this project you wouldnt care, all you need is a good grade. "thank you y/n, at least someones trying." chan said looking around at the boys.

everyone just kinda sat in silence for a little bit. "uh, oh okay how about this!" you say standing up. "we can write about how it effected people, on their daily lives and how it could have hurt them etc." "wait... thats actually not bad! good work y/n" chris says writing it down for the title. you were lowkey happy... i mean at least someone is trying. "oh! how about i bake us something, yeah!?" the aussie boy says, everyone was agreeing. "wait wait wait..." everyone paused. "you know how to bake? what are the things you can bake?" you were curious. "yeah i can bake, but the only things i've really baked so far have been cookies and brownies. a few cakes here and there, some cupcakes too" felix laughed nervously scratching the back of his head. "wow thats actually pretty cool!" you said, and you meant it. its not common seeing a guy knowing how to bake!

"you... you really think so?" felix says in shock. "yeah! i can bake too ya know" you smirked, you are actually really confident about your baking skills! you werent terrible at the hobby. "what are the things you've baked?" the blonde boy asked, the guys were just silently watching and whispering here and there. "brownies, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, chocolate moose, many things!" you said confidently. "ouuuu! bake with me would you!?" you felt so flattered so of course you said yes! plus you need a break from working.

"how long have you been baking for?" you ask the blonde haired boy. "not long, only for about two to three years maybe?" "hey thats not bad for you! for someone that havent baked for that long you are hella skilled!" you said while kneading the doe. "what about you?" felix asked, "huh?" "what about you? how long have you been baking for?" "oh! um since i was about 11? yeah thats about right!" felix looked at you shocked, "really? how?" the freckled boy asked, "my step-mom taught me, i learned most things from her" you smiled while looking at the doe.

"hm... i can tell you liked your step-mom. she still around?" felix asked, he felt a little nervous asking cause of how deep and personal the question was but, he just couldnt help himself. "uh yeah no..." you laughed nervously itching your nose, or trying to at least. "oh, im sorr-" you cut felix off realizing that hes gonna pity you, one of the main things you hate. "please.. dont apologize. it was a long time ago, when i was 14, its already over and done with. plus! im over it, and its not like she died or anything." you ended up ranting a little bit to felix more about how your dad and your step-mom broke up. this wasnt tough subject to talk about but still, the memories and flashbacks just always make you sad and emotional.

"and then i never talked to her again." "like... never ever? not even a little meet up or anything?" he asked, "nope... i wasnt allowed by my mom nor dad. they hated her and i do too but, i dont believe she was a terrible person like they do." you ended up snapping back into reality and realizing what you just said. you just met the guy and you are totally trauma dumping on him. "i am so sorry- i- i didnt mean to tell you all of that, just dumping all of my trauma onto you isnt okay and-" you were interrupted mid sentence by felix hugging you. he was, hugging you... but why? "wha-what are you doing? please i said i dont like pity" "its not pity." he says. 'then... what is it?" "i could tell you wanted a hug, it was in your eyes as they started to tear up." he said looking at you and resting his hands on the side of your arms.

a tear drop fell down your cheek. you didnt expect these guys to be so nice, when you first saw them or just saw them around, you thought they were annoying boys who were ignorant. but you were wrong. they were nice, and caring, you were glad to be paired up with them.

"im glad i got paired up with you guys" you say with a smile. "me too... wait ah i mean im glad that you got paired up with us too not that im glad i also got paired- what am i even saying ha" felix laughs nervously itching the back of his head. you smile and without even thinking. boom. next thing you know your lips are connected to the blonde boys lips.

felix pulls away and immediately you regretted kissing him. "oh my god i am so sorry felix, i did not know what i was thinking-" felix interrupted with another kiss. you were just as shocked as he was when you kissed him. both of his hands are laying on both of your cheeks.

"hey guys the cookies don-" jisung said but then soon stopped when seeing the image before his eyes. you and felix stopped kissing immediately. there was very loud awkward silence for awhile (pun intended) "ima just goooooo" jisung said while slowly exiting the kitchen.

you and felix just looked at each other for a moment and started laughing, tears were running and you guys just could not stop laughing at the fact, han jisung saw you two kiss. "god that was so funny for no reason" you said calming down a bit. "hey, uh i have a question.." "yeah what is it?" you look at felix confused. "do you maybe wanna be my girlfriend..." felix asked looking down at his swaying feet. "what?" you say in disbelief. "you can say no! theres no pressure! you dont even have to say it now!" felix saying while waving his hands around in front of his face.

"felix, hey felix" you shook him. "yeah?" he looked at you confused. "yes... i say yes to the offer" you said smiling. "y-yes... you said yes!" felix said while grabbing you for another kiss. "ima take you on a date!" felix said sternly "oh you dont have to-" "no! i want to, how about tomorrow i pick you up at 6:30pm and take you somewhere that will be a surprise?" felix said excited. "okay okay, but you have to pay i have no money"

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

literally do not click on this it is a big vent. a horrible big vent. it's huge and bad and you should never read it under any circumstances. I needed to get this out somewhere and I needed to feel like I put it out there, but I really don't want anyone to read it. thank you ^^

what I would not give to drop dead rn

i could count the things keeping me here on one hand and they are quite literally fear & venti. I hate that. the one thing keeping me hear other than my own fucking cowardice is this fucking fictional character. that's not even gonna last long. I'll move on and forget, and this isn't even helping my life. if I even live long enough it'll be the life of a burnt out failure because I couldn't be bothered- to push to do well while it mattered... and I'm so fucking scared of everything. of how my times still ticking away and I'm gonna die tomorrow from what I don't know I just know I'm going to die and it's a half day and I didn't tell my mom and I'm too scared to do it now so what will I do???? just sit in the train station until normal time to go home???? and I didn't even finish the research for my project which is graded and I've had these last two days to do that since I've been absent but the whole reason I was absent was that I feel like fucking shit and moving around makes me want to throw up and I'm so scared and I can't push myself to do it because of that so I lay there in my bed hoping that tomorrow won't come at all so this cycle finally stops

because I'm so fucking tired of this happening over and over. of getting like this over assignments. of becoming so scared I can't get up and face the day. of being scared of disappointing everyone by showing up, and being a disappointment by not coming. im so fucking tired of pretending that I'm not hanging on by a thread trying to balance everything coming and everything I've missed (by being a scared disappointment). Im so tired of taking it out on my family by getting so easily annoyed. im so tired of my family's issues and I'm tired of not having anywhere to get anything out physically and I'm tired of not being able to sleep because I feel like I'm on death row and I'm wasting my precious moments left alive. I'm fucking tired of feeling wrong and dirty and disgusting and I'm tired of not understanding myself and I'm tired of feeling like I'm faking everything I do and I'm DONE with feeling like im the one ruining everything

I can't imagine tomorrow and I haven't been able to for- for fucking months okay? everyday feels like it'll end with me killing myself. everyday starts with the moments leading up my execution

im so angry and tired and I feel like I'm just someone acting for attention and I'm trying to be some edgy anime character and I wish I could hurt myself and prove it and have real problems but I dont

and I just wanna have a breakdown and tell someone everything but I'm so scared and I don't want to be sent anywhere and I don't want help I just want it to end and I just want someone to be there and hold me and not try to help and just be there because I don't want to be alone anymore I don't want to be up alone in my bed I want to be out in the world enjoying sunny days and nights where you can see the stars and that feels so wrong to say again because it feels like some stupid fictional breakdown

i just dont want to see tomorrow but that also feels so selfish but also what if im making this all about me and they'll be fine and I don't want to leave you guys alone at least not without explanation but that'd be so wrong just to drop it to say I'm gonna kms and I don't want to leave my friends even though we don't talk anymore alone but if I just send them a message that's just I'm killing myself thatd be so fucking horrible and selfish and WRONG and I don't want to be a statistic and I don't want to be remembered the way I will be and I don't want my family to suffer and I don't want my dad to use this against my mom and I feel like such a traitor for confiding in him in the first place

in the end I just want it all to go away and I want to hide and curl up into a little ball and finally cry until I pass out and sleep until I can't sleep anymore and feel good when I wake up

....yeah

I'm so sorry I started with one thing and I spiralled out of control bdhshssh

[beardbot]

As pride month comes to an end, I wanted to post a thing. Please forgive the large amount of text in the thing! Also I tried to throw in a picture!!

So, I usually don't talk about sexuality or relationships. This is partially because I'm just reserved (and fine, a bit prudish too), partially because I've only recently figured out myself, and partially because I feel like I don't need these spaces as much as other people, and it's selfish to claim them.

On that last point, my own identities are more quietly invisible, and less under direct attack, than others. Asexuality is dismissed and erased, but people believing it isn't a real thing is not as damaging as actual physical harm or denial of human rights. It's "weird" but it's not seen as violating anyone's religion or "family values" or lifestyle, or whatever else is used to justify violence and bigotry against others. (Unless you count men who are offended you don't want to be Graced with the Royal Penis after getting an unsolicited dick pic.) Bi- and pansexuality are more dramatically erased, and with additional risks, but at least I'm placed under the umbrella of "has a serious boyfriend." Either way, I've either been pushed out of communities or simply felt like I didn't need them. The latter 90% of the time.

Regardless, here I am going on about it anyway! Placing my flag on pride month. My identity, what I joke about being my "alphabet soup version," is panromantic demisexual. If that sounds confusing to you, don't worry, I get it. I grew up in Florida 😂 seriously though, I didn't settle on this until graduate school. Once I even did figure it out, I didn't label it until later. Most of the time, my identity is bisexual when I don't want to argue about asexuality, and asexual when I don't want to argue about bisexuality. But I want to just be more open about it.

Panromantic demisexual. Panromantic meaning romantically attracted to anyone across sex and gender (not just men, or women, or exclusively men and women). Basically "bisexual" but with romantic attraction, and without a strict binary of men and women. Demisexual meaning only sexually attracted after being emotionally involved first, for me usually romantically attracted. Basically "not into one-night stands" you could say. I guess first you need to accept that romantic and sexual attraction are two separate things, which I was not even conscious of for the longest time. Shout out to terrible sex education! 👌

I grew up confused when lumping these two things together - having crushes and wanting to date people, but simultaneously being repulsed by the idea of sexual intimacy with them (or anyone), at least for a long time. Thinking I was broken, or indecisive, or unstable. But alas! Two separate things.

The easiest example is being sexually attracted to someone, but not romantically (you don't want to date them, have emotional intimacy, etc.) "Hit it and quit it" 😂 so then, why is it so difficult the other way around? It sounds so bizarre to other people, the idea that you can be romantically attracted to someone, but not sexually. That you maybe want to hold hands and cuddle and go on cute dates with someone, but that's not a ticket to ride on (no pun intended) the Train to Bang Town. But maybe you can think of examples yourself. Maybe you had a *very* close friend, whom you spent all of your time with, whom you shared all of your secrets with, who was the first person you thought of when anything important happened to you, but NO HOMO I'M NOT GAY LIKE THAT we're just close friends. Maybe you have crushes on men and women but you only want to sleep with women. All normal! TWO SEPARATE THINGS! They can be aligned but still two separate things.

I first identified as asexual. Nope, I'm just not into anyone in that way. Even celebrity crushes, I wanted to do things like walk through parks, hang out and eat ice cream, read them poems (emo kids unite?), a number things, but none of them sexual in nature. Later on, I would date boys, but either dump them or be dumped pretty early on ("prudes" unite). Something was "off," different. I felt different. Different from what I saw in TV and movies, heard in music, in conversations of other people my age. Still, I vividly remember the day I realized what people ACTUALLY mean when they say someone is "hot." (I was too old and too naive to not know, but my brain just didn't think that way.) Not just aesthetically pleasing. The older I got, the more I felt like an alien. Probably sounded like one. "Ah, yes, his face is indeed aesthetically pleasing." ... "Take me to your leader!"

You could call me a "late bloomer," but it's not even just that. Late introspector? Late learner? Yes, I eventually did go "farther" with partners, and have lovely relationships with people who are patient and put up with me. But I still wouldn't call myself "bloomed." I'm still different from most other people. And I'm proud to not be labeling myself with things that don't reflect me.

Going back to my own development. So, I settled on "ace" and anonymously joined forums and such. It felt right... but only for a time. Eventually I felt a little different from that too. I talked with people who were aromantic, and people who were sex-repulsed. Wait a minute, is that me too? No, I dont quite feel that way. Well, what the f-

Flash forward, I finally settled on "demisexual." Okay, I'm kinda asexual, but also kinda in my sexy feelings for someone after bonding and feeling emotionally safe with them. I want to be more than friends. Maybe try out some other things, but only with you. Today I feel like demisexual is the best fit. Maybe "gray" too but I think emotional closeness is the key for me.

But wait, do I like girls too? Or do I even care what sex or gender they are? Yes, I've had intense crushes on many girls. If you want to stick with socialized norms, I liked feminine girls, and masculine girls. Eventually I liked one woman, who later identified as a man, after having his own journey through gender and sexuality (which I think is especially hard in bible-belt Jacksonville). I still thought he was cute and smart and funny.

No, I don't really care about sex or gender - I just care that you like dogs and 90s music and video games like me. Neat!

I dont really know how to end this. I'll just say, I do consider myself a member of the LGBTQIA community, in which my B stands for bisexual (but actually panromantic) and my A stands for asexual (but actually the asexuality spectrum). I'm overjoyed to see more openness and acceptance in my lifetime, and I hope that continues for kids growing up now, who may be "confused" or "indecisive" - and maybe they will not have to wait until after college to figure it out. Nuance is important in something this complex and... well, nuanced.

Thank you to anyone who read this until the bitter end!

[punkscowardschampions]

Billie & Indie

Billie: Indie! Pabs made frango a passarinho, you want in? Billie: also he said he saw you out at that boy in his year's party on Saturday Billie: you must not have seen him Billie: I got lunchtime detention for all the notes I was trying is pass you in Maths! Billie: Too busy 💤 or doodling, that is the question Indie: spitting dem bars all the way to my 💘 but nah itd be a mad treck from where i @ Indie: lo must have it twisted cos i aint rolling w dem younger rudeboys at no gatherings Indie: my bad tho Indie: too sleepy innit Indie: olders got partys for me to hit up standard Billie: where are you laying your head these days my dear? Billie: aside from your desk, naturally 😋 Indie: 😂😂 Indie: getting the zzzs i need there like Indie: wen im in im out for the count Billie: but what about all the times you're not in 🤔 Indie: in endz Indie: rollin w my boyz or my BOY you know Indie: its chill Billie: what does rolling entail exactly Billie: i'm unfamiliar Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: rolling up 🚬 standard but can be any thing Indie: hangin, chillin reh teh teh Indie: it be what it be, bills Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 tho Billie: I still feel like those are all just different words for the same thing Billie: which still eludes me but I'm glad you're having fun! Billie: We miss you though, don't you have any time to spare, pleaaaaaaaaaaaase Indie: what you need im here rn Indie: hit me w it Billie: I don't need anything, just want your company silly Indie: you got it Indie: we chatting Billie: Yes, of course Billie: but in person too, yes? Billie: It's not the same without you Indie: what you trying to see my face for? Indie: its still this Indie: [sends selfie] Billie: 😂 Billie: [sends back suitably silly selfie of own] Indie: living for it baby Indie: you looking 🔥 Billie: Thank you Billie: Now I got all the pink out Billie: surprisingly stubborn stuff Indie: mine got dashed mad fast Indie: must be dem curls holdin Billie: Yeah and mine isn't even as textured as some of the others Billie: thank god Ri didn't do it too Indie: she aint as extra as how we is Indie: blessed that i aint blood of ya cos my mans werent feelin the look Indie: hed be proper vexed if it stayed Billie: os homens não sabem nada Indie: this boy got plenty knowledge trust 😏 Billie: NADA 👏 Indie: you reping sound like the other mckenna rn Indie: something you wanna chat ? Billie: I don't need to come out, no Billie: but I appreciate the offer of a listening ear and open mind Indie: safe Indie: you down to mix me up 💘 potion? Indie: thatd be valued by me Billie: Why do you need it? I thought we were in love? Billie: Not you and me 😂 Indie: 😂 Indie: steady bills Indie: not trying to come for your sister & mckennas ⛈ Indie: let em have a min baby Billie: I don't think anyone is enjoying the rain Billie: we're safe to move on Indie: innit tho Indie: hold it for me @ school & ill come thru  yeah? Billie: Of course Billie: but what exactly do you want to happen? it changes what I have to do Indie: gotta keep him 😍😍😍😍😍😍 Indie: that mood Billie: That should be fine Billie: I can't force or influence freewill and fate, obviously but I can certainly help along what is there, that shouldn't be a problem Indie: what it gonna taste? Indie: not tryna make him 😵 Indie: not more than he like standard least 😂 Billie: It's okay, more than likely we'll get you to drink it Billie: then you can attract the love, if you see what I mean Indie: how it not gon attract some next man tho? Billie: with great power, Indigo Billie: you know how to control your allure, I trust 😂 Indie: mayb we swerve it Indie: not tryna get dashed for this like 💔 Billie: Well that shouldn't happen Billie: it's not viagra Indie: 😂😂 Billie: You seem worried Indie: nah Indie: all good Billie: Are you sure? Billie: I've got lots of things for anxiety and stress Indie: what i got to b flat roofin over? Indie: keep your stash Billie: you tell me Indie: nah im jam Indie: nothing to chat on Billie: Good Indie: how you b? Billie: Well, on reflection Billie: I'm okay most of the time but in general I'm quite sad Indie: 💔💔💔 Indie: you got no spells for it? Billie: I'm trying Billie: everything, every day Billie: but not everything can be sorted with magic Billie: not of that kind, anyway Indie: tru Indie: its a madness Indie: i feel it Billie: I know Billie: We've got to stick together Indie: ri aint here tho Indie: not how it can be Billie: Indie Indie: ? Billie: I think Edie has gone too Billie: lots of her stuff is gone Indie: she gon come back thru Indie: thats just how she rolls Indie: dont get it twisted & get 😢 Billie: I know but she usually only takes a bag Billie: if anything Indie: how you kno she not she not shoting her garms for the cash? Indie: gotta do what you gotta do innit Billie: Maybe you're right Indie: if you still got no peace after hot min come @ ri w it Indie: thats how she do making shit hectic again Indie: idk Indie: ma vibes like Billie: Like you said, she's not here either Billie: soon none of us will Indie: shes rollin deep w mckenna but she aint out your reach Indie: you in my inbox you can b in hers Billie: Not the same is it Indie: as face2face nah but better than no thing Indie: trust Billie: I guess so Billie: I hope she comes back Billie: it's horrible when we have to tell the police, they basically blame mum and dad Indie: the feds dont kno how to be anything but amp bringin the dred Indie: dont take it hard Billie: it was different the first few times Billie: now she's just a known runaway and they don't even try to help Billie: just get angry about the paperwork and wasted time Indie: they love to get vexed Indie: always on me too cos i got this face & name Billie: Yeah Billie: I thought they were meant to help Indie: nah baby they only bout helping theyselves Indie: sorry you had to get schooled on that like this Indie: been round me all days late cos the madness drew tryna live rn Indie: like i kno where hes @ Billie: I heard Billie: I always used to think it was a good thing when he went to prison Billie: is that bad Indie: nah man Indie: he heading back that kinda way rejoice in it if you wanna Indie: some good gotta come Billie: Selfish really Billie: but it meant you got to stay with us all the time and he wasn't around Billie: he messed with the vibes Billie: everything was bad when he was around Indie: speak your truth bills 😂 Indie: shots fired Billie: I'm sorry Billie: I try not to be hateful towards anyone but Indie: if you feel it you feel it Indie: whats acting like you dont gon do? Billie: I tend to think of it as wasted or at very least misplaced energy Billie: I try to feel sorry for people I don't get good energy from, or just ignore them Indie: i been knew about wasted energy fr 😂 waiting for my 🚀🚀 to hit like Indie: better energy be coming when i come up Billie: Does it work? Indie: yeah Indie: esp this new kick im on Billie: That's good Billie: what are the side effects Indie: depends what you trying to take Indie: dont be channelling the 👻 of my mas fix on your first go out Billie: I'm just working out the pros and cons Billie: doesn't it scare you? because you're mum died Indie: aint no thing that scares me Indie: we all going Indie: & she got me, not trying to let anything do me like how she went Billie: What's that like? Billie: I'm not scared of death but I'm in no great hurry Indie: its good Indie: nothing can touch me Indie: if im livin im livin if i aint i get to be this age forever 👻 Billie: That must be very reassuring Billie: What about good things though, can they touch you? Indie: how you mean? Billie: I mean, they say you have to know bad to know good Billie: so if you don't have that, do you get to have good or is untouchable outside of that Indie: i kno all it but it just dont be affecting me like that Indie: unless how i want it Indie: all good all the time Billie: Interesting Billie: I wish I could try it sometime Indie: i got you Indie: come thru & link me when Billie: Really? Billie: Okay Billie: I thought I might need a dead parent too Indie: is that tryin to be my key? idk Indie: i was reckonin on drews connections being that if there is Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 life Billie: I misunderstood slightly Billie: I thought that was what made you untouchable but in that case Billie: I'd be happy to try Indie: could be connected i cant speak on knowin Indie: i only got 1 dead ma & didnt get to kno her like that Billie: Yes, I would never ask you to share Indie: 😂 im saying i got others who aint Indie: so mayb its not a powerful thing Billie: we'll have to see Indie: not that i got em rn if you tryna test Billie: mothers or drugs? Billie: i'm lost Indie: mas Indie: you kno i always got the other Billie: Why not? Indie: we gone from each other Indie: like you said everyone is Billie: you just have to come round Billie: you know Indie: where? Billie: home Indie: but where that tryin to be now? Billie: Wherever your family is Indie: & who are they now? Billie: Whoever you choose Billie: us included, I hope Indie: nah Indie: it dont get to be however i want Billie: Why not? Indie: idk its not the way Indie: everyone tryin to tell me how to choose & aint listenin Billie: I'm listening Billie: and the universe Billie: What do you want, Indie? Indie: I want it how it was Indie: nah i want him gone and her back Billie: Yeah Billie: Me too Billie: I think we all do Billie: I'm thinking on ways to make it so Indie: but even if she comes home it aint gonna be for me just you Indie: we got too much beef Billie: I didn't know Billie: what happened? Indie: she got no love for me rn cos i trying to keep my mans Indie: she dont understand how i feel Billie: I see Billie: Did you tell her? Indie: yeah but she aint trying to kno she just wanna be vexed and tell me how to be Indie: shit gets too heated Billie: She'll calm down Billie: it's nothing to lose a sister over is it Indie: tell her Indie: she aint spoke to me since i got my ink Indie: she said she aint here for me its done Billie: I know she didn't mean that Billie: do you actually want me to talk to her for you? I can Indie: what you think you gonna say? Indie: she aint gonna be about me unless i dash him Billie: You're more important to her than that Billie: I'll just tell her you want to talk Indie: i cant Indie: i aint got no energy to be fighting w her Indie: hes here & she aint that decides it Billie: Okay Billie: It's up to you Indie: nah Indie: no things up to me they are how they are Billie: If you don't try to change them, yeah Billie: not saying you have to Indie: girl i aint got power like that i aint you Billie: If I had any more than you she'd be back already Billie: but you have to try, right? Billie: Passivity is still a choice Indie: it hurts Billie: I know Billie: but it doesn't feel Billie: good, lack of a better word Billie: accepting how it is either, does it? Indie: nah but its easier to act than trying & getting owned for it Indie: you feel me? Indie: if you gotta let stuff in where you gonna stop Billie: Hmm Billie: Good question Billie: When the stuff is more bad than it is good Indie: how you measuring Indie: shits such a heavy mix Billie: That's the trick, isn't it Billie: Depends how much bad you're willing to take Billie: they aren't equal, bad deeds weigh much heavier Billie: there'd need to be a lot more good to counteract them Indie: hear this, if a boy makes me feel everything that's bad and its good Indie: he hurts me and he wants me Indie: is it equal or nah? Billie: I can't tell you what you can deal with, only what I think you should Billie: and it doesn't sound equal to me Indie: but maybe close as imma get Indie: w how lads be Indie: they want what they want and how they want it & if he wants me then thats good Billie: What's good about it? Indie: feelin the love Indie: like who we tryna measure him against? mckenna? your da? idk thats a madness Indie: they grown Billie: I don't think all boys are like that Billie: or men Billie: there's an inbetween Indie: is it tho Billie: 'course Billie: we're not like lots of girls at school but we're not grown either Indie: idk maybe ive got things twisted Indie: or maybe i cant hit you w the real words Billie: That's alright, you don't need to Billie: get it right for yourself though, that's important, even if it takes a while Indie: what if rio been right & she hates me Billie: She doesn't hate you, for one Billie: and she's not going to hit you with an 'I told you so' Billie: give her a chance Indie: i gotta hit her up Indie: imma do it Billie: Well done Billie: I'm so sure it'll be worth it Indie: youre sick Indie: 💖💖💖 Billie: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 Indie: real 👑 moves Indie: im not about to forget it Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 or nah Billie: 'Course not 😊 just try to see my notes next time 😂 Indie: innit tho Indie: come find me when he aint around Billie: 👍 Will do