#it's lonely in my world but i wnt to do so much for everyone. that's enough for me

[tar-kovsky]

i feel so much fucking despair because i feel copletely, utterly lonely and abandoned and isolated and i feel no one gives a shit about me, all my friends, or former friends are going on with their lives and i am just not part of their lives and im not impotant for no one, i even bet no one remembers i fucking exist anymore, no one gives a shit about me, no one ever asks me how i feel or how am i doing, and idk, my fucking  "best friend" ignores me all the fucking time and just doesnt give a fuck about me, no one gives a shit about me, no one ever wants to know how im doing or whatever, no one wants me in their life, i am not fucking important to anyone, no one wants to take part in my life, no one is even remotely interested in me, and i feel so fucking sick, NO ONE IN THIS FUCKING SHIT WORLD GIVES A SHIT A OBUT ME no fucking one. this fucking despair is too much for me, i just fucking wanna kil myself. i fucking need to die, and i feel like shit writing this because i know no one gives a shit and nobody will fucking read it, because no one fucking cares a wee bit about my life or death or thoughts, no one gives a shit about anything about me, im so fucking tired of being used, of being abandoned, of not being heard, of not being given the opportunity of being heard, of not being able to trust anyone, because everyfuckingone ends up ignoring me or abandoning me or jsut fucking cutting me off their lives. it fucking hurts so much, and there is no fucking thing i can do because no matter how much i try. no matter how much i try to be friendly, no matter how much i try to socialize and seem like a normal human being, despite my fucking depression and anxiety and asperger/autism, i still end up abandoned and rejected, everybody hates me, everybody wants me dead, and im getting real paranoic about everyone, especially of people that hurt be or abused me, and family, i feel they are after me, they fucking wanna destroy the last thats left of me, everyone, just, fucking ants to destroy me, they want me to suffer, they wnt me to feel the pain, they want to torture me and kill me slowly, i dont know what the fuck is happening, i feel so fucking scared, they want to feast on my scars, no one likes me or loves me, everyone knows how to hurt me, and i cant have peace, there is no one in this fucking world that doesnt hate me, even my fucking dreams are torture, i can’t escape anything, everything is pain and loneliness and rejection, i cant take it no more, i cant, everyone fucking hates me, no one wants to pay me the least bit of attention, no one cares if i live or die, i cant bear it no more, i just want to be strong enough to kill myself, because thats the only option, fuck , i wanna die please god let me die please its the only way its the onlly fucking way