#it's one thing if ppl don't have the words or struggle to articulate or if smth like that is a once in a while thing

[willows-rambles]

goddamn i'm begging ppl to give proper feedback to things instead of generic vagueass compliments i'm actually literally so allergic to not-compliments

[nanowired-lover]

i hate when i'm feeling talkative as fuck and want to talk about nothing and everything, i hate when i'm going so non-vocal that i cannot even communicate through writing, i hate when i'm in between bc i feel suddenly too normal to complain about communication, i hate words euuugh

[dangerous-disposition]

my mag172 #thots i will not be swayed from

The tl;dr version:

Fuck the web

Fuck Web!Martin theories (like i cannot even properly articulate why i hate this theory so much now, and I used to subscribe to it)

And fuck Annabelle Cane, I literally hate her with my entire being.

As a recovering addict, I would say... this is the best episode of the show, and I will also never, ever listen to it again.

Now the long version below the cut.

So I hate the Web, and I hate Annabelle Cane. To me, the other fears make sense on a primal human level. The Web is just...pure evil. It was born from the choices of evil people, and is only used for evil. Plain and simple. It is, at it’s core the worst fear and I hate it. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me not hate it.

Because of point number one, I refuse to believe in or subscribe to literally any Web!Martin theory. At all. Listen, MAG170 killed Web!Martin theories completely, imho, and any amount of theorizing in favour of Web!Martin is grasping at straws. But I refuse to believe that my perfect boy, who spent the entire time in the Lonely defending his abuser, who busted his own ass out of the Lonely bc he was in love would be part of something as evil as the Web. Like I just....I feel like there was no way to have had an episode, completely from the POV of Martin, and not gotten any spoken hint at him being even remotely connected to the Web. Just. No.

The argument at the beginning, if you could call that an argument: I have noticed, especially in recent episodes, that Jon seems influenced by the domain and especially the “statement giver” before he even begins his monologue. Like...kinda showing how the forced Knowing creeps up on him? This theory of mine has been in the back of my mind since MAG168 but I don’t know how to fully explain it because it just fully formed in my head after this episode. Something changed after Oliver’s statement, just like it did in Season 1, and again at the beginning of Season 4. In MAG170, Jon got separated from Martin, and I feel like...Jon wouldn’t have just....left Martin behind, even by accident, even during a monologue and I just...I feel like, to some degree, Jon had been at least a little bit influenced by the Lonely and got separated that way. And then in the Flesh, approaching Jared, Jon was confused that Martin didn’t find the flesh flowers beautiful, and the way he said it...it struck me as a very Jared thing to say. And then the way Jon talked in this episode, the way Jon got defensive and sniped at Martin just....it was very similar in feeling to Francis’ own words being mirrored back to them by the spider. Just....i’m not sure where I’m going with this, or even if it has sound basis in canon. It’s just been a pattern I’ve noticed but it was made clearer to me now.

I refuse to see that final interaction with Martin and Jon as anything other than two frustrated and exhausted men trudging through the apocalypse, and whatnot. Like I can just hear the absolutely lukewarm takes ppl will have and just. Nah, leave me out of it.

Loved the explanation about Knowing vs. Understanding.

Also loving Jon and Martin still discussing boundaries, and Martin has a right to said boundaries, and I’m getting where he’s coming from in now wanting to know, or for Jon to Know. I think I would be the same, not wanting to know if my feelings for someone or choices were my own or made for me, especially if I had gone through as much as Martin has. I rly did not see this as an omen of any kind, especially with them having that conversation in the middle of the Web’s domain.

This episode was hard. I’m recovering from alcoholism, I’ve recovered from cigarette addiction repeatedly, and also struggle with binge eating disorder which is often treated the same way as an addiction would in therapy. I relate to Francis as a recovering addict, and I thought this episode did an amazing job in illustrating addiction, and relapse, and the little ways addicts get undermined and undermine themselves in the recovery process. I don’t think this episode compared addiction to being a monster, nor do I think it downplayed the mental illness aspect of addiction. I made a post earlier about how these statements are mad with heavy bias, especially during the apocalypse, and they’re about fear. Recognizing that addiction is a mental illness and showing it as such does not translate fear, and if it did, I feel like that would be more the Corruption’s domain than any others. The Web is about not being in control, it’s about not having a choice or free will, it’s about feeling trapped by the choices you once made and are unable to make choices that contradict those. With addiction, that is a very real feeling. You can tell me all day that it’s mental illness, it’s rooted in depression or anxiety or whatever, and all you have to do is treat that cause and address it blah blah blah. I know. We know. But when you’re struggling with a relapse, or a near-relapse, it does not feel like you’re in control, it does not feel like you are driving your own body. It feels like someone else is behind the wheel, and you hate that person, and you are terrified of that person. That person is ruining your life and you feel like you cannot fucking stop them. But then you do! You can do it. And a lot of us succeed, and I feel like if the world hadn’t ended, Francis would be doing okay. Just like I’m doing okay. And the countless other recovering addicts I know. But in a fictional world, where our fears are actual entities, with physical avatars doing their bidding everywhere, in an apocalyptic hellscape where the fears EXIST ON OUR PLANE of reality, where people are forced to live through their greatest fears forever.

Idk, i just thought this was a really good episode and I’m debating blacklisting TMA until next week lmao.

I just wanted to add this bc I rly don't want ppl to eventually come at me about their personal experiences w addiction and just... Jonny confirmed that he wrote this episode from his own experiences as an addict and his fears regarding addiction, plus that season 5 is about fear not truth so.

Read the following tweets before trying to push your experiences as the "truer" experience or whatevs I've already been seeing.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Honestly I’m scared of moving out of my parents home. I’m nearing my 20s and I’m literally dreading the day so much. Loads of ppl my age can’t wait to get out there, but not me. I feel like a burden though even though my parents already said several times that I can move out only when I feel ready and am financially stable enough to but I still feel guilty.

I know exactly how you feel, anon. I've always felt this way, ever since I was a young child. Story time. My elementary school was something like a second home to me, growing up. The house I was living in was not a friendly environment, and I loved my school. Explaining how special it was to me is difficult, it's difficult to articulate in words. But I was the only one. Come fifth grade, and it's just as you described. Everyone was so excited to leave, celebrating that they were finally out of elementary, and I couldn't fathom it. I couldn't understand what they were celebrating. I didn't want to leave. I hated the sound of middle school and when we all got up onstage for our promotion ceremony (we actually sang a Green Day song, fun fact) I cried. I was the only one who did, and I am not ashamed. Because something I understood then, and still do to this day, something I try to help others see...is that there's no shame in loving your home. In appreciating it before it's gone, because homes don't always last forever.

That's not even getting into how completely different things are now compared to how they've been in the past. At some point down the line, it became normalized for people to make their own way after hitting legal adulthood and for those who can, all the power to them. But in this economy? That's not always feasible. You have nothing to be ashamed of, your fear is natural. Something else that I think most people know, but it can be easy to forget, is that comparing yourself to others, to your peers...it's not going to get you anywhere, all it will do is give you anxiety. Everyone's story is their own and you should focus on improving yourself, no matter what everyone else is doing. If you want to make your own way, go for it, but if it's scary, that's okay too. Because it is scary. It's a big world out there, and sticking by the people we love can feel a lot safer and easier - and there's nothing wrong with sticking by them for those reasons. Believe me, I understand the feeling of being a burden. But you're not. Believe it, specially since your parents have directly told you so. They love you, and they'll probably be happy about getting to see you more. This is something I struggle with quite a lot, the same instinctive feeling that I'm a burden. But I am not and neither are you. We matter. Just because some arbitrary timer goes off doesn't mean you have to completely uproot your life. Play by your own rules.

[avpdnoisearchive]

everytime i see posts about ppl asking if anyone can give them money because they're in v bad situations and i don't donate bc i'm trying to save up for my own projects and i'm just terrible at dealing with money (also I'm scared my parents will find out and get mad at me for sending money to strangers on the internet (i would understand but idk what to do)) i feel terrible and i always want to help as much as i can but when i don't it makes me feel so so guilty and i feel like the worst person

!!!! me too !!!!

that’s such a coincidence u sent me this because i’ve been trying to think about how to articulate a post about this exact problem. i struggle with it all the time. because the thing is: the way those posts are asking for help - and any charity/organization/person asking for help, really - are made to appeal to people with normal empathy levels. but me? i’m already inclined to help. i feel responsible for everyone on earth. like someone could just say ‘hey i’m struggling right now’ and i already feel devastated and guilty because i feel like it’s my fault and responsibility somehow. so the fact that they choose words and language particular to making you want to help them out and give them money??? i’m just a wreck. my anxiety spikes thru the fuckin roof every time i see one of those posts because i can’t help but i want to give them my life’s savings every time

(disclaimer no hate to the people who make posts asking for money. that takes a lot of bravery imo when you’re in a tough spot. and choosing the particular language that makes u empathetic is technically a smart move and the only one that makes sense! they obviously aren’t trying to prey on people, it’s my own issue that my empathy is thru the fuckin roof and i have all these guilt complexes)

the only thing that helps me is that i literally don’t have a life’s savings, lmao. i'm in debt and i’m gonna be taking out more money soon to go to school. it really helps me to open my bank account, think ‘oh shit that’s not my money i gotta give that back’ and realize that unfortunately i’m just not in any position to help someone because i’m also struggling in that respect. your situation is a bit different but the same gist - we simply don’t have the extra money to help people!! it makes me feel less guilty because then i can tell myself that i would help if i could, but i just can’t. the practicalities of it ease my mind a little

this is such a problem though for people like us, i totally feel you. i’ve considered asking people to tag it for me because it genuinely sends me into such a spiral every time but i’m afraid people will think i’m uncaring and rude when really it’s the exact opposite (not saying i’m better than ppl tho?? having this many feelings is terrible and does not help anyone lmao)