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noirlevity · 3 years

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Mismatch Final Chapter

Pairing: Nase Hiroomi/Kanbara Akihito Fandom: Kyoukai no Kanata A03 || ffnet Synopsis:

“What if your mark doesn’t match with mine?” Hiroomi said a little bit shy while the were playing in the sand box.

Little Akkey had been very sure they would match.

“We would match!” Akkey flashed a smile at Hiroomi. He grabbed the raven head boy’s hand, held it tightly, firmly, as though nothing would ever make the boy think they would ever be apart ever.

The gesture was like a promise, an assurance, and it felt permanent and true.

Goodbyes don’t always mean the end, sometimes they signify new beginnings. Leaving was the only way for Hiroomi to start afresh. This way, he could forget everything. This was not a sudden decision. He considered it for a long time before deciding. However, he never managed to have the guts to get with the decision. Swamped with responsibilities as a spirit world warrior, he often wondered whether or not it was really possible to leave. At that time, it seemed it was not. When he was finally freed from his powers and responsibility, it was as if he just woke up from a dream. The chains that bound him to the dull and hectic life of a spirit world warrior was finally cut. A new path opened up at him. He was finally free to do whatever he wanted. He could go anywhere he wanted to go; work anywhere he wanted. It was a blessing really. This was something he never thought he would ever be grateful for. Having powers was nice. It felt good when he was relied on by others. But while the power he used to wield made him feel superior, stronger, blessed, he also felt trapped being thrown into a destiny he did not consent to. Despite this, he never thought it was a curse. Well, not until he was tasked to kill someone he held dear in his heart. The thought of killimh him was nothing. He didn’t have any problems with it at the beginning. After all, a monster should be put down no matter what. But things changed. He got to know the person. He got to know the person behind the person and started caring. That’s why when he was confronted with that choice, he struggled. Before he knew it, a feeling was growing inside of him. And the pain that it caused was not something he could easily compare to something. The consequence of those feelings was heartbreak and broken promises. He knew it was useless to hope for something more; to expect something that was hopeless from the very beginning. It was okay. He assured himself. He saw it coming. That is why the only thing he could do was bask in the pain, feel it and move on. He’s moving on. He’s going to move on. By leaving he could escape from it all--from the fact that he was never his to begin with no matter how much he assured him. Their different marks were proof of it. He will put everything behind. Now, he wants something different. He wants to try a different path, a path that he will be happy and satisfied. He is going to Tokyo for university. Because he is smart and worked hard for his exams, he was accepted in the most prestigious school in the country’s capital. There was no stopping him. He rented an apartment in a good neighborhood. Blocks away from his University. Living alone was great. He enjoyed the independence that he had. Now setting his eyes on to becoming a writer, he was determined to do whatever it takes for him to succeed. He worked part time jobs for extra money. Sometimes he would go out with his classmates to eat and would indulge their invites for a goukon from time to time. Hiroomi wasn’t really into goukons. Especially when he knew he would never fall for a girl. He was sure he was more into guys than girls. Sometimes though, he wonders what would happen if his soulmate was a girl. Surely, that would be a pain. It was his second year of university when he met that person. Their meeting was more of a coincidence when he bumped into him when he was going home after work. They were both at one place at the same time. At this time, Hiroomi has given up on finding his fated person. Through the years, he stopped believing that he had one. That is until he met him.

He witnessed how Akihito and Mirai reacted to each other when they found out they were each other's' soulmates. In the past, he found it almost absurd and ridiculous. But now, Akkey’s description made sense. It was unlike anything Hiroomi had ever imagined. When they bumped into each other he was surprised that his soul mark glowed. It hurt a little bit as a warm feeling spread from his limbs to his fingertips. All of his nerves were in haywire when he looked up to see what was the cause of that sensation. When he finally saw his face, it was as if he was knocked out of air. He couldn’t stand still. When their hands finally touched, it felt as if something exploded within him. His soulmate smiled, grabbed his hand and squeezed it. That’s when he knew that he was going to be happy as well. The universe had someone for him. Even at that moment of recognition a faint memory played in his mind,

“We’ll be together forever, Hiroomi!”

He was surprised at this sudden recollection. Why now? Why did he remember Akkey’s irresponsible words? Without realizing it, tears streamed down his face. His soulmate panicked at seeing him cry.

“What’s wrong?” The other fumbled trying to find a handkerchief.

“No, I'm fine. I just remembered something.”

---------

Akira was an engineer. Whenever he and Hiroomi were together, people would always compliment how well they suit each other. Akira was tall; a head taller than Hiroomi. He was born with emphatic brown eyes that would make any woman or man melt when they stare at you. His large hands compliment his long and slender legs. Beside Hiroomi, he gets even more charming—his eyes sparkle every time he looks at him. When people see them together, it was clear that he treasured him.

Jokes are Akira’s expertise and Hiroomi laughs heartily at them whenever he cracks them. Hiroomi is clingy most of the time. One of his favorite things is looking at how their marks glow when they are together. Every time they make love, he gets turned on even more when he sees it. It was like an assurance that happiness was there and he didn’t need to do anything to achieve it. Yet, sometimes, he still wondered about the things that could have been.

It's not something to be proud of. He knows this. In fact, he feels guilty every time their soulmarks glow he remembers about that promise. He remembers about the kiss and the questions that ran through his mind at that time.

When this happens, it was a habit for him to smoke. Somehow the menthol makes him forget. He becomes less guilty as he takes a drag.

------

The trundle of the train was deafening, the hubbub disturbed Akkey very much. It was his first time going to Tokyo. He wasn’t expecting that the city would be very busy. People walked to and fro. Some were checking their watches from time to time and tapping their feet on the ground as they waited.

The ticket that he held in his hand fluttered as a train passed him by. He thought about a lot of things as he stared at it. He thought whether or not moving to Tokyo was the right thing to do.

----

There were a lot of letters piling on Mihara’s desk, Hiroomi’s agent. He was having trouble sorting those out. Hiroomi came in wearing a polo shirt that made him look presentable and neat.

“Hey.”

“Oh, Nase-kun, nice work, did you finish?”

“Yes~” Hiroomi smiles widely.

“Did you finally decide on a title?”

“Yup! Thanks to you Mihara-san I finally figured it all out. I hope people will be accommodating this time as well.”

“I think whatever you write up from this point would be a bestseller.”

“Oh you flatter me so much. Thanks though, I’ll do my best~”

“Yes, Oh, and do you want to go through these letters with me?”

---

Hiroomi was grinning from ear to ear. He always loved reading letters complimenting his writing.

“Listen here Mihara-san, this person likened me to Mishima Yukio! Oh, I can’t believe this. This might be my road to being a world renowned author after all.”

“Yeah. Why don’t you try having a book signing session.”

Hiroomi frowned. He was enveloped by a cold that even surprised him.

“Ma~ I don’t know whether it's a good idea or not though.”

“Why?”

“Well for one you know I’m no good with those kinds of things. I’ll just probably stiffen and make a fool out of myself.”

“But all you’re going to do is sign books and smile at people.”

“Hmmm..” Hiroomi thought, “Yes but...”

“I actually arranged your book signing session already.”

“What?!” Hiroomi slapped the side of his face and wore a horrified face.

“The higher ups also approved of it already so all you have to do is show up.”

“Mihara-sannnnn why’d you do this to me? I thought you cared for me!”

Mihara frowned.

“This is for your own good Nase-kun. The fans would love it as well, don’t you want to make your fans happy?” Mihara san said as he scanned through Hiroomi’s letters.

While Hiroomi was whining, Mihara-san caught something interesting.

“Nase-kun check this out… this might be from someone you know.”

Hiroomi took the letter from Mihara and read it.

When he saw the name of the sender his heart felt like it stopped beating for a second.

----

Hiroomi held the letter in his hand. He’s been reading it over and over again, studying the handwriting and feeling all sorts of emotions within him. It felt as though he was brought back to the past; to their old japanese home in the country to the sound of the bamboo tapping against the stone. His sister’s laugh. He missed her suddenly. They always talk on the phone, but reading the letter made him miss home and the people there. And him.

----

“Why do you look so gloomy?” Akira asked.

“Do I?” Hiroomi smiled politely.

“Yeah. Did something happen at work?”

“Nope. Nothing. It was the usual~ I already finished my manuscript though.”

“That’s good!” Akira glomped Hiroomi and kissed him on the neck.

Hiroomi flinched. Guilt enveloped his heart.

“What’s wrong?”

Hiroomi bit his lip and avoided Akira’s gaze.

“So something did happen. If you’re okay with it, I’ll listen.”

“I’m fine. No need to worry. I’m just exhausted.”

“Is that so? Cheer up.”

Akira kissed Hiroomi on the forehead and embraced him tightly. Their soulmarks glowed beautifully. Hiroomi hugged back and smiled.

It’s fine. I’m happy now. I’ve moved on.

---

There was no use.

Hiroomi kept reading Akkey’s letters and sighing as he propped his head on his knuckles. He found out earlier that he was a consistent fan letter sender. Hiroomi wasn’t always able to read fan letters even though he kept them. A lot of Akkey’s letters are now piled in front of him. He sighed again. It was troublesome but he couldn’t help but feel happy at the sincerity of Akkey’s writing. When reading some of them, he couldn’t help but smile. Akkey hasn’t changed. This correspondence made him feel things (even though he doesn’t reply to any of them).

A thought came to mind. Maybe he could call Mitsuki and find out what Akihito was up to. Before he could dial her number she called instead.

“Nii-san, I have news for you.”

“Hmmm?”

“Actually…"

Hiroomi was surprised. “What???” He said aghast.

“You heard it right. He’s currently there for work. He just got transferred. I hope you grab this opportunity to fix your relationship. He was… when you left he started to act weird.”

Hiroomi was in disbelief.

“What are you talking about? That’s impossible right?”

“Listen Nii-san, the truth is...”

“Stop I don’t want to hear anymore. Goodbye.” Hiroomi dropped the call.

Hiroomi paced his room. Things were getting troublesome.

No. It’s impossible for us to meet each other by chance. Tokyo is big. No need to worry…. but what if he attends my signing session? No.

——-

“Hiro what are you doing? You've been spaced out for a while now.”

Hiromi frowned and crawled towards Akira. He stared at his boyfriend, thoughts in a mess. The news of Akkey moving to Tokyo troubled him. He felt as if he was losing control again. The things that he assured him crumbled on the face of the possibility of meeting Akkey again.

It was over. The feelings he felt for him were no longer there but what was this feeling that was making him anxious? He was not supposed to feel this troubled because he had Akira now, they are happy and in love.

He had the happy ending he always wanted.

Their life together was more than he could ask for. But if that was the case, then why was he feeling like this? Why was he feeling so insecure and scared? There was one thing that came to mind. Lately they hadn’t done it because they were busy. Maybe the reason he was troubled by such a thing was because he and Akira had not been intimate because of their schedules.

“Fuck me Akira.”

Hiroomi did not intend to sound so desperate when he said that and yet it did. His eyes and facial expression looked so anxious. He clung to Akira as if clinging to that light he so desperately chased after at the time he had his heart broken.

“What's this all of a sudden? Did something happen again?”

Hiroomi nuzzled his head against Akira’s chest.

“I just want you to hold me. It’s been a while. I’m pent up.”

“I want to, but are you sure you’re okay?”

Hiroomi bit his lip.

“I.. Akira..”

“Come here,” Akira embraced Hiroomi. The hug was sweet. Hiroomi could feel Akira’s love in the way he squeezed him. Akira was always gentle and sweet. He always prioritized Hiroomi’s feelings above everything else. Hiroomi knows this even if Akira doesn’t say anything. This was the reason why he loved him. It was not because they were soulmates. Sure, in the beginning he went out with him because they were soulmates, but he genuinely fell in love with him.

“Why do you look so broken? Did something happen at work? Are you sick?“ Akira asked worriedly.

Hiroomi was quiet but his grip tightened around Akira.

“Rely on me. Tell me, what's bothering you?”

Hiroomi didn't answer. He just wanted to be held. Giving up, Akira patted his head and kissed his hair.

“Just rest okay.” Akira wiped the tears that settled at the corner of Hiroomi’s eyes.

“I’ll hold you while you’re relaxing.”

Hiroomi looked up at Akira and giggled.

“Thanks. I love you.” Hiroomi smiles gently. In contrast to his usual teasing smile, this was refreshing to the eyes.

Akira smiled back, lifted Hiroomi up and carried him to the bedroom.

“I love you too.”

---

Akira noticed that Hiroomi’s mood was still not letting up. He still looked troubled.

“Hiro, you know, you can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you.”

Hiroomi smiled a painful smile.

“I just don't really feel good these days. Maybe it's because the book signing session is fast approaching, you know I don't like those things.”

“Yeah. You don’t.” Akira rubbed the corner of Hiroomi’s face.

“I'm nervous.”

“You'll do just fine. I assure you.”

“And about yesterday… I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.”

“Actually, I’m worried about something… It’s about a childhood friend. We drifted apart. But we had our terrible fall out during my senior year in high school. I've never seen him since. Then, last time, Mihara-san read to me a letter. It was signed in that person’s name.

“I don't know if he knows I'm the writer. But I really don't want to see him. The thought that maybe he's going to attend my book signing session frightens me.

Akira smiled sweetly.

“Sometimes, no matter how frightening things are, we just don’t have a choice but to confront them head on in order for us to move forward. Everyone has something like that, Hiro, so it’s fine.”

“Yes you’re right.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to have some closure with this friend?”

“We had some unresolved things. Things that still bothers me even now. Things that I’m afraid to even admit myself of how wrong I was back then. The embarrassment of believing in a lie is so painful.”

Hiroomi bit his lip.

“But you’re right. I want to end things the proper way. And apologize about being selfish, about everything.

“They say that time heals the pain.. but it's been so long. I've waited for so long for the pain to go away. And I'm sorry for keeping these things from you. I didn't.. I didn't want you to worry..”

Akira held Hiroomi.

“You don't need to apologize for keeping it. We have things we can't tell others, even those people who we’re really close to.”

“But still..”

“Shush, it's fine. I wish you’d tell me more of your worries though. I’m always here for you.”

“I love you. Akira.”

“I love you too Hiro.”

---

It’s been a long time since Hiroomi and Akira went on a date together. Hiroomi was excited. Even if he doesn’t let it show, Akira was even more excited. They just finished watching a movie and were just strolling around the streets. They stopped at a bench and talked about random stuff. Noticing that Hiroomi was quite talking for a long time, Akira went to buy the two of them drinks.

“Here you go.”

Akira gave Hiroomi a coke in can.

“Thanks.”

“It's been awhile since we went on an actual date.”

“Ah yes~ I want to wrap my hands around your waist~”

“You're still cold?” Akira said as he pulled Hiroomi close to him, not minding the eyes around them.

“No not anymore~ but it's sorta like a habit. I've told you before right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go buy something at the convenience store first. Wait for me here.” Hiroomi said after squeezing Akira’s hand.

---

It took Akihito a long time to finally settle down at his apartment. It was just a simple abode he found online that wasn't too expensive nor too cheap. He had been transferred to a company in Tokyo. Mitsuki jokingly told him that there’s a possibility that he would see Hiroomi again. Truthfully, that made him nervous. Although the prospect of seeing the other guy was not bad, it still feels weird to him. In the end, his transfer was maybe God’s message that he should straighten things out with Hiroomi.

What is there to straighten though? All these years Akihito was confused about many things; about their relationship; about his feelings for him. Well, used to. Now everything was clear. And he was afraid. He was afraid of being wrong; of being too selfish.

“I'll be the best spirit world warrior for you!”

Thinking of Hiroomi saying those words made him smile.

Now that everything has changed, he wondered whether or not the string of fate had been cut between the two of them that day when Hiroomi decided to leave. Can they still go back to the way they used to be? This is the most important question that he wanted to answer but afraid to confront.

He heard that Hiroomi was doing well in Tokyo. Mitsuki would usually talk to him about what he was up to. They didn't have the details of what his actual work was, but Mitsuki said it had something to do with literature. Being a consistent absentee of the literature club, he was surprised why Hiroomi chose such a career path. But weirdly enough, it was something he could imagine him doing.

Akihito loosened his tie, slumped on the bed and closed his eyes. He was too tired to even move. What if he’ll really meet him? What would he say? He still hasn't explained anything about the kiss that he stole from him. He knew it was wrong. And maybe he should apologize for it as well. With that in mind, he fell asleep.

----

“Writing another book?”

“Not really I was trying stuff and putting this idea that has been bugging me for a while now.”

“Oh I see. By the way, I’ll be going home late today. We're going to have a welcome party for a new colleague.”

“You met him already?”

“Not yet. Today is his first day. He just arrived here a week ago I think but he was finishing some work for the company so we didn't get the chance to meet him nor welcome him.”

“Oh okay. What time are you going home?”

“I'm not really sure. Just sleep before me okay? You don't need to wait for me.”

Hiroomi stared at Akira with a gleam in his eyes. His gaze softened as he flashed him a smile. He put down his glasses, walked towards him, and tiptoed in order to embrace his boyfriend.

“Take care Akira.”

Akira chuckled. Their marks glowed as they stood there holding each other. Hiroomi tightened his hug as Akira wrapped his arms around the other’s waist and kissed his shoulders.

“I will.”

----

“Everyone! Today I am going to introduce to you our new colleague.” Addressing the newcomer, The MC continued, “Please come here.”

Shy, the newbie went to the center and bowed deeply.

“I am Akihito Kanbara. I’m pleased to meet you.”

“Give him a round of applause! Please enjoy your stay here in the company branch and welcome! Now, feel free to start dining!”

Akira stared at Akihito. There was something about that guy that made him feel wary. His instincts told him that there was something about that guy that he should avoid. Akkey noticed Akira’s stare. He shifted his eyes to him and smiled. He bowed and resumed conversing with the others.

Judgmental was not something you would describe Akira. However, Akira had never felt an aversion like the aversion he feels towards Kanbara Akihito. Never in his entire life did he feel such strong negative emotions towards someone. What’s worse is, he just met the guy. He couldn’t understand it himself. Akkey didn’t do anything to him, but why does he feel so threatened by him? This feeling made him want to avoid him at work as much as he could. For the few weeks after the welcome party, Hiroomi noticed that Akira was acting weird.

“Are you okay Akira? Is work stressing you out?”

“No… I just… Uh..” Akira heaved. It was awful. Apart from his stress at work he’s upset about Akihito.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Hiroomi went to the kitchen and prepared camomile tea to calm Akira down. While Akira was waiting he was thinking of the blond.

Akihito didn't really get along with others yet. He was a quiet worker but he was pleasant to everyone and was quite reliable and good at his job. Earlier that day, he overheard some of his coworkers talk about how gentle and pleasant the other guy was. When he remembered that, Akira couldn't help but ask Hiroomi,

“Ne, Hiro, you never told me about your childhood friend’s name right?”

The question surprised Hiroomi.

“No. He’s name is Kanbara Akihito.” Hiroomi smiled gently.

“I feel awkward saying his name.”

Akira was shocked when he heard the name. It made sense. Things made perfect sense. As Hiroomi’s pair, he could feel it. That’s probably the reason why he felt like he’d seen Akihito somewhere apart from the aversion.

Akira gripped the cup in his hand. He was trembling.

Akira couldn't say anything. He couldn’t say that his new colleague was that Akihito.

A Teaspoon fell from Hiroomi’s grasp and clattered on the lavatory surface.

He turned to Akira, shocked.

“My hand slipped. I’m such a clutz aren't I?”

Akira stared at Hiroomi and noticed his flustered cheeks. His cool and calm demeanor was no more.

Akira realized something.

“Hiroomi, is it possible that you used to be in love with that guy?”

Hiroomi stared at him shocked. He looked away and bit his lip,

“No… you’re wrong.”

That reaction was like a confirmation and it made Akira feel as if he was slapped in the face.

“Look at you! Acting jittery, looking so pained. Why are you still so affected if you're not in love with him anymore?”

Hiroomi couldn't respond.

He gritted his teeth. He wanted to rush outside the house.

“What… what are you talking about Aki?” Hiroomi stuttered.

Akira sighed.

“I give up. Do what you like. I'm going out.”

---

Akira knew that what he did was wrong. Because he was stressed and had a lot of things and suspicions in mind, he ended up raising his voice at Hiroomi. He walked with no direction in mind. In the end, he decided to go to a convenience store to buy something. When he entered the store he saw Akihito—the guy who he absolutely did not want to see. The other just finished paying for his stuff. He greeted him, which made Akira feel awkward.

When was about to pay he realized he didn’t bring his wallet with him. Akihito ended up paying for him. Both ended up walking together. They both talked as they walked.

“So you live around here?” Akira asked.

“Yes. I'm just in the neighborhood. I didn't expect to see you here Torinaga-san.”

Looking at him with a soft expression Akira thought that maybe he was just being a jerk towards Akihito. After all he didn’t judge him for going to a convenience store without his wallet.

“I didn't expect to see you here as well.”

Looking up at the sky, Akira felt somehow defeated. He shouldn’t be hating Akihito.

“We fought.”

“What?”

“Me and my lover fought earlier. And here I am running away from confronting them .”

Akihito looked at his feet.

“I'm jealous.”

“Jealous of what? I'm sure you also have those moments with your lover right?”

Akihito only smiled.

“It's complicated.”

“You mean the soulmate thing?”

“Yes. I don't really know anymore. I'm happy though that it seems like you are together with your soulmate Torinaga-san. That’s great isn’t it?”

“Well I am. And it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

There was a pause. Akihito stared at nothing in particular.

“What if you fell in love with someone else though? Have you ever considered it?”

Akira thought for a second.

“I had many relationships before them, but none of them could compare to what I feel for them.”

“Right?” Akihito chuckled as a confirmation.

“Did you happen to fall in love with someone that is not your soulmate?”

Akkey smiled.

“Yes. I don’t know though. hahaha their sister told me there was a possibility I could meet them again here. But I don’t want it to happen.”

“But if you met them, what would you do?”

“Maybe they're already happy with someone, and I don’t want to ruin it. but it would be nice if I got to see them again. We separated badly.

“I don't think he would want to see me again.” Akihito flashed a pained smile.

Akira thought for a second.

“Maybe you should meet them for closure.”

When Akira said this Akihito felt a pang in his heart.

“It’s been bugging me too. I don't want to see them, It would only open old wounds, not only just for me but for him as well.”

“What if they also want to meet you again?”

Akkey was surprised, he smiled pleasantly.

“Ah, that will be great. Sometimes I really miss them. I hope they're doing well.”

Akira just stared at Akkey, thinking that whatever

Akihito and Hiroomi had, it was something deep and serious.

---

Akihito was indeed a pleasant person so it didn’t take long for Akira to be friends with him. After fighting with Hiroomi he went home, got some of his stuff and didn't go home to their shared apartment for awhile. Hiroomi was worried that he was tempted to see him at his work. Hiroomi was not really one who did those things, but he was worried. He was also guilty because he knew that everything was partly his fault for still not being able to talk about Akkey openly even though years have passed by already. He wanted to make up with Akira as soon as possible. It was only natural that it was him who had to apologize first and tell him everything so that they could return to how they were before.

Hiroomi decided to wait for a few days for Akira to come home but he never did. He stared at his phone. Just a slight sound makes Hiroomi jolt. Finally, he decided to see him at his workplace.

Akira’s workplace is a 20 minute bus ride. Hiroomi was nervous. He had never been that nervous before. It was the first time he and Akira fought so he didn't know what to do. As he waited for the bus to arrive at his destination, the scar on his back started to throb. Ever since he left the town where he used to live, he no longer felt the throbbing in his back, but now, all of a sudden like a premonition, it hurt.

Everything was getting messy. It was about time to confront whatever he was still feeling for Akkey and start anew; start anew all over again. He clenched his hands into fists, making his knuckles white. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as he resolved to make things right with Akira.

The bus finally stopped, Hiroomi’s eyes burst open as the door opened with a hiss. He went out and craned his neck to gaze at Akira’s company. He wrinkled his eyebrows as if he was about to give up.

“Aaah~ such a pain.” He scratched the back of his beck and started walking towards the building.

Deep inside he was praying Akira was in.

---

It was a busy day for Akihito. There were a lot of documents he had to compile and clients to take calls from. He checked his phone and saw that Mitsuki sent him messages on LINE.

Mitsuki: have you seen nii-san yet?

Mitsuki: Hey!

Mitsuki: Don’t runaway you hear!

He didn't reply to Mitsuki.

It was time for lunch so I decided to go out to eat somewhere. Akira saw him as he rushed out,

“Where are you going Kanbara-san?”

“I’m going to eat outside.”

“Don't you normally have your bento?”

“I was tired today so I didn't make one. Do you want to have lunch with me?”

“Sure!”

While they were walking, in order to dispel the silence between the two, Akihito wanted to ask something. He didn't want to pry though, so he dropped the idea in the end.

“ My lover still hasn't contacted me.”

Akihito was surprised. He turned to Akira and gazed at him, trying to make out what expression he was making.

“You have to contact him.”

“I know but…”

Akkey smiled, he patted Akira on the shoulder.

“They’ll understand. Don't worry. Communication is important. If you don’t properly communicate you might regret things later.”

“You’re right.”

When they went out of the building the hubbub and the sound of cars and all of the city noises greeted them. Akihito still wasn't used to it. He craned his neck and stared at the sky as they waited for the traffic light to turn green. Akira, who was with him, paused for a while and checked his phone. There was a message.

“Where are you? I’m here near your work place” It was from Hiroomi.

Akira felt cold all over.

Akira decided to call him.

“Hello? Hiro? Where are you?”

---

The traffic light turned green and the people crossed the street. Hiroomi saw a glimpse of Akira and was relieved. His boyfriend was on his phone just standing there waiting, but when the people parted and he saw that Akira was with someone. Hiroomi’s eyes grew wide. He just stood there unable to move. He couldn't hear Akira’s voice asking where he was on the phone. Everything faded into the background except the familiar blond hair that glistened against the midday sun.

“Akkey?”

---

Akkey.

“Where’s Mirai?”

“I want to see her!”

Akkey.

Don’t go.

Don’t leave.

“You don’t understand!”

“What don’t I understand?”

“You’ve been asleep for a long time.. and I..”

And I what?

“Nii-san. It’s okay, you can rest. I’ll watch him.”

“No.. I…”

“Idiot onii-san! Look at yourself in the mirror. You look awful! You've been without sleep for days now. Get some rest idiot!

“You’re right. I’m such an idiot. After all the trouble of telling Mirai not to kill him.. after everything, this still happened.”

“Get a grip! Rest idiot. It’s not your fault. Surely Akihito will wake up. He’s thick skinned like that. He won’t go down easily so don’t cry.”

---

“Kanbara-san…”

“Yes?”

“I guess I can't eat with you after all. I’m sorry something came up.”

“Okay then. Later!”

---

“Where are you?”

There was no response at the other end.

“Hiroomi!”

Hiroomi jolted.

“I’m… I ran away.. hahahaa.. I’m… Akira.. I’m...”

Akira searched the surroundings and saw Hiroomi standing near a shop. He ran. When he reached him, Hiroomi was wearing a pained smile on his face. Akira softened. At that moment Akira knew he was not Hiroomi’s number one. He embraced hiroomi, surprising the other.

“Let’s go somewhere private. I’m sorry for disrupting your job.”

----

“Why didn't you tell me Akkey’s your co-worker? Maybe that’s why you were more angry than usual.”

Akira just stared at hiroomi. The other was still pretending he wasn't bothered. But his hands shook and he looked like he aged. Akira did not want to acknowledge what this meant so he looked away. Gazing upon Hiroomi’s hand clenched on the table in front of him, he wondered whether to set him free or not.

“Akihito, Kanbara Akihito. You really still love him don't you? Tell me.”

“I don't know. It just surprised me, that's all. I run away without really thinking. I just thought that it'll be bad if we met in that situation. I just thought it would be awkward and difficult.

“Actually… I’m afraid. I thought that I managed to move on, but seeing him again after all these years ruined everything.”

Hiroomi paused and gazed at Akira.

“Akira, I love you. And I’ll always will. I’m happy when I’m with you. I love your smile, the way you walk, the way you hold and kiss me, everything about you. But I still don’t understand why when I saw Akkey, everything seemed like a lie.”

Tears streamed from Hiroomi’s eyes. To calm him down, Akira took his hand in his.

“Hiroomi. I won't give up on our relationship. I love you. And I’ll prove to you that there was a reason we are soulmates.”

“Did he say anything? Did he mention anything about me?”

Hiroomi wasn't listening. He kept on tapping his foot against the cafe floor.

Akira remembered what Akkey said about wanting to meet Hiroomi again, but at the same time he didn’t want to. He remembered the look on Akkey’s face when he said it. It pained him to look at both of them like that.

-----

For a short while, everything went back to normal. Yet, everytime he and Hiroomi made love, it wasn't gentle. Hiroomi kept on begging him to pound him and treat him roughly. Akira thinks that maybe this was his only advantage. He and Hiroomi were so physically compatible, that he thought it would be difficult for Hiroomi to be with someone else.

Tears streamed down Hiroomi’s face as he moaned against Akira’s mouth. The pain and the pleasure that mixed in his lower half made him forget about Akkey, but everytime he closed his eyes, he was being brought back to that starry night, when Akkey kissed him. Whenever they finish making love he would pretend to be asleep and ignore Akira’s calls. Akira knows he’s awake. It seemed like Hiroomi was losing himself. It was painful for Akira to see him like that.

---

It is dark.

The lights from the lanterns dappled on them. Familiar Traditional songs wafted in the air. Hiroomi opened his eyes and saw stars above his head. When he checked himself, he was wearing a yukata and was sitting beside someone. He didn’t recognize him at first. When his eyes could finally adjust, he saw Akihito looking up at the stars.

Hiroomi stiffened. Even though this was a dream he was still nervous. Biting his lip, he scooted away from Akkey.

“Hiroomi,” Akkey turned to him and looked at him fondly.

After a pause he said,

“Do you still want to be with me?”

Hiroomi’s eyes widened in surprise.

He had dreamt of this. He had dreamt of this a thousand times before and it was making him cry. Cry for real. Ugly crying—face scrunched up and mouth bending ugly.

Hiroomi had been wanting to hear Akkey say those words to him since forever.

“Of course you idiot! Of course I would still want to be with you.” Hiroomi screamed as tears streamed from his eyes.

Hiroomi woke up feeling empty. His face was wet with tears. He felt worse than ever before. It was no use. When he thought about everything that has happened until now, it seemed like he took advantage of Akira’s kindness. This was a form of cheating right? Nursing an unrequited love for Akihito even though they were already together. Akira didn't deserve this.

To put a stop to the things that pained him, he decided to meet with Akira. They spent a whole day together. It was fun, just like usual but Hiroomi still felt broken and half full. As they walked home Hiroomi stopped and asked,

“What if we didn’t match? Do you think you would still feel the same way as you do now?”

Hiroomi couldn’t stop the tears as he waited for Akira’s answer. He covered his mouth using a hand and closed his eyes shut as he muffled his sobs.

“Hiro,”

“It hurts Akira. It’s so painful. Seeing him even after all these years, he still elicits the same reaction as before. I don't want to be caged by these feelings anymore. I want to be free. I know he’s probably happy with someone else now. With Mirai, but I can’t help it. I know you might think I’m a jerk breaking your heart like this.. but I can’t continue doing this to you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say it Hiro. Please.” Akira pleaded, hands clenched at his side. He could feel a lump in his throat and tears well at the corner of his eyes.

“We could still fix this. I’ll make sure to treat you even better from now on. I know that we’re both busy, so this must be one of the reasons why it has come to this but please…. please don’t give up on us. I love you. And I’m willing to wait even if it means waiting for a long time until you completely move on from him.”

Akira embraced Hiroomi.

“Don’t give up so easily on the love that we build all these years just for the rekindling of a past flame! Idiot.”

Hiroomi broke from Akira’s embrace.

“What if I won’t ever move on? Akira, we can’t go on like this. It will never work. Let me go.”

Akira pulled Hiroomi again for a hug.

“Please let me go.”

“Shush, I’m always here for you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Hiroomi clung to Akira burying his face against his shoulder as he cried his heart out.

The next month, Akira moved out from their apartment and transferred to another place.

---

“Congratulations on your new book Chigusa-san!”

“Thank you I couldn't have done this without everyone so I'm grateful.”

When are you having your book signing? We heard you're going to have another one.”

“Yes, it's in December. December 28.”

“Oh? that's three months away.”

“I bet many fans would come.”

“Probably. I've been receiving messages on twitter and on my blog about the book signing. Everyone's excited.”

“I’m so excited for this new book of yours.”

“What’s it called again?”

“Mismatch am I right?”

“Yeah.”

“A story of young love.”

“I never thought you would write romance.”

“I never thought so too. Is that really surprising? I just wanted to write something different.”

“Not really. It's just refreshing.”

“We look forward to this book signing session sensei!”

—-

The whirr of the air conditioner was the only sound in Akihito’s room. His lamp illuminated the room as he read a book he just brought from the bookstore. After a while, his phone vibrated. There was a message that flashed on his screen, it was from Mitsuki.

“Call me. I have something to tell you.”

Unfortunately he was too engrossed in the book he was reading to notice it. The book was a new work by his favorite author Chigusa. While reading, he was baffled why the events felt nostalgic. Yes, the things that were written were different. The sceneries, the events there, but it still reminded him of their past. It made him think what if the author was Hiroomi? Chigusa doesn't really write romance. This was his first work of the genre.

The next morning he called Mitsuki when he finally saw the message.

“What’s up?”

“It’s about... have you read Chigusa’s newly released book?”

“Yes. I’m currently reading it.”

“What did you think about it?”

“I…”

“Do you think that Chigusa guy is nii-san? I can’t be entirely sure, but the work was like,”

“The story of our past? Somewhat?”

“I thought about it too. But what if this is just a mere coincidence? What if this is all in our heads?”

“Mirai doesn't know what happened between you too. I also don’t know. You're the only one who knows all the details, what if nii-san was really Chigusa? What would you do?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never bumped into him in this city. I don't know if I’ll ever see him. You said I should try finding him….”

“He's never told me his address. And the times I went to Tokyo we always met somewhere that is not his house. What are you planning to do now?”

“I don't know. I really honestly don't know.”

Akihito gripped on the telephone wire.

“How is everything there? How's your job going?”

“It's fine. I've gotten used to it. I met a lot of good people here. It's busy but I think I'm having fun.”

“I'm glad to hear that.

“Ne, Akihito…. Nevermind.” with that Mitsuki hanged up.

Akihito checked his twitter and thought whether he should come to Chigusa’s book signing session. Would this be a good idea? He doesn't know. It's been a long long time since he and Hiroomi saw each other. In fact, he was nervous to see him. He’s come a long long way. He’s living his dream while Akihito is just admiring him from afar. Many things changed, he’s no longer the Akihito who was blind to Hiroomi’s pain. Now, he knew how difficult things were for Hiroomi. He understood it.

Deciding to meet him at all costs, he went outside the balcony to stare at the stars.

——

The second book signing session had been set for a while so there should be no problem with the preparations. Currently, Hiroomi was reading the guide of how his signing session would go. He sighed, stood up and went inside his dressing room. There were only a few more days left for the book signing. His schedule was packed. It would be nice if things will go on smoothly. With that in mind he turned off the lights and went to sleep.

—-

“Are you going to the book signing session?”

“No. I would be having a meeting and by the time we finished it would be done.”

Akihito couldn't hide his disappointment.

“You know, you promised you will stop being a coward. I hope that that isn't just a reason so that you can continue escaping confronting him. I hope you realize that maybe this is your last chance. Akihito, don't make the same mistake again.” Mitsuki hanged up so that she couldn’t hear anymore of his excuses.

It was true, on the day of Chigusa’s book signing session, he would have a meeting. What choice will he make? His job? Or meeting Hiroomi again?”

—-

Hiroomi did not expect that many people would attend his book signing event. The line was very long compared to his first book signing event. When it was down to the last person, everyone was surprised by a person rushing into the center to meet the author.

Hiroomi’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the familiar person catching his breath.

“Akkey?”

Akihito raised his head and flashed Hiroomi a refreshing smile.

“I finally made it,”

After a brief pause, Akihito took the book out of his back and handed it to Hiroomi. Hiroomi did not react at first, he just stared at Akkey as if he saw a ghost.

“You’re an idiot Akkey!”

—-

When the event was finished, Hiroomi told the organizer and bodyguards that he would be going back with a friend so they don't need to bring him home.

Akihito waited for him outside the venue. Nervous and excited at this reunion.

When Hiroomi arrived, they walked silently. After a while Akkey broke the ice.

“How are you? It's been a long time since we’ve seen each other.”

Hiroomi didn't answer, he just kept on staring at the ground.

“I know you’re upset about me. I’m so sorry if I hurt you Hiroomi. All these years, ever since you've been gone, I thought about things..”

Hiroomi was still quiet.

“I’ve been cruel. Insensitive. Selfish.”

“I’m sorry too for pressuring you. Let’s just forget everything. That was a long time ago. Why don't we talk about something else?”

Both caught up. They ate at a restaurant. Then it was time to part ways.

“Hiroomi,” Akihito called as Hiroomi walked away. They should both stop this farce.

“Can you stay for a while? Can’t you just give me a little time to be with you more?” Akkey pleaded.

“It’s been so long since we last saw each other. Hiroomi.”

Hiroomi was holding every emotion that he bottled inside in his chest for all these years. He wanted to say to Akkey that he didn’t know how he broke his heart. He wanted to scream at him to leave; never show his face to him ever again.

Why’d you have to show up here? Why’d you have to destroy everything that I carefully built?

“But you’re happy with her right?” Hiroomi managed to reply, bile rising in his throat.

Akkey smiled a broken smile. He was not with Mirai; he had never been with her, but instead of speaking, he held Hiroomi’s hand much tighter.

“Hiroomi, I just want you to know… I love you. Mirai and I, there was never an us. I know you’re probably happy with someone else, your soulmate or another person, but I just wanted to tell you how I feel. You were not wrong Hiroomi. It was me who was mistaken, it was me who was selfish and naive. I loved you all this time ever since we made that promise. And I've always wanted to be with you but I thought running away from it all was for the best so that you and I both won’t have to hurt anymore. I thought it was the right thing to do but I was wrong. I was terribly wrong. Everything just backfired.

“Hiroomi I’ve always loved you and will always love you. You don’t have to reply.”

Akkey leaned in and kissed him softly on the forehead.

The kiss brought Akkey to the sound of his footsteps running towards the train station trying to catch up with Hiroomi, the soft glow of the afternoon sun dappling on him.

It brought him to the sound of the trundle of a train as he stood there watching it leave, watching Hiroomi walk away from his life forever.

Breathless, cheeks flustered, he realized that all this time he’s been holding himself back from accepting the fact that he loved Hiroomi, that he loved him from the very beginning. Ever since the day he told him that he’s going to be with him forever.

When he broke the kiss, it felt like he tasted the bitterness of goodbye all over again. Akkey smiled sadly and was about to leave.

Hiroomi stood there aghast. Looking at Akkey, holding back tears started to stream down his face. As he watched his back, he clenched his hands into a fist and stopped him. He forced him to turn to him to slap him.

“Are you just going to walk away from me again Akkey?” He shouted.

“Are you just going to leave me all over again?”

“Hiroomi.”

“It’s the same for me you idiot! I still love you too! You don’t know how all of these years you’ve never really left me. You were always right here,” Hiroomi paused and slammed his fist in the place where his heart was as tears streamed down his eyes, “And you have no idea how that hurt all this time, that even the smallest of things reminds me of you, that even the stupidest things in the world makes me wonder, “What if Akkey loved me back?” “What if everything was different?

“You don’t know how much.. How much I’ve…. ah”

Akkey pulled Hiroomi for a very tight hug, interrupting what he was about to say. It was as if compensating for the times he wanted to hold him but couldn't.

“Hiroomi, do you still want to be with me? because I want to be with you.”

“Of course I do Idiot. Of course!

#mismatch #knk #kyoukai no kanata #nase hiroomi #kanbara akihito #hiroaki #fics

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