#it's so strange with anden bc like

[ellcrys]

honestly at this point i feel like i don’t even care if anden/lott becomes endgame in the sequel we’re never going to get i just want my boys to be comfortable with each other. i want them to talk. i want them to have just one candid conversation about what happened in the past, what’s happening in the present, and how they want to proceed in the future. whether that’s becoming friends, staying polite acquaintances, or maybe becoming something more. but they need to talk. anden mentions in one chapter that he’s not quite sure if they’re friends. and sometimes that’s ok! sometimes it’s ok not to define things. but when you’re two of the pillar’s closest advisors and are frequently in the same room together, that type of ambiguity is unsustainable. you need to draw boundaries. you need to know who you are to this other person and who that other person is to you.

clearly they’re drawn to each other. anden thinks about lott in like 75% of his pov chapters. we never really get a lott chapter so who knows what’s going on in his mind, but he keeps asking anden whether or not he regrets his choices. clearly anden occupies at least some brain space in lott’s mind. and they don’t know what to do about this. i’m not sure if they ever even acknowledge that they think about the other.

lott clearly holds himself at a distance, and anden’s too embarrassed to bring up their awkward teenage years, and so they’ve never had a conversation that’s run more than surface deep. they don’t know what they are, and so they’re always left wondering, not knowing how they should be acting around each other, or how to proceed into the future. but it’s so clear that they think about each other and i want them to acknowledge that. and i want them to be comfortable with each other, so that they can move on and be free of these burdens and questions. and they can’t be comfortable around each other until they talk about their relationship.

honestly, i want them to be friends.

but if not friends, then i want them to at least acknowledge that something between them existed -- that spark of interest in each other, even if it won’t continue in the future.

they are both such lonely people and i just want them to know that at some point the other thought of them, that someone out there thinks of them and cares about them.