#its a product of 'oh i will elaborate actually' because i cant get to actually do anything with this hc without explaining

[occasionally-victor]

guess on what i spent very little effort, too much effort and an entire month? (you can clearly see how i got sick of this somewhere after 3/5 lmaoo)

Part 1 (you are here)|| Part 2 (doesn't exist yet)

i haven't forgotten to put text there, its intentional ("Uh..." "This is quite pants, isn't it?." no shit bestie)

[pnfc]

notes i wrote tonight about thanksgiving [it is april]

the kids are all in town visiting, isabella and her parents, vanessa and charlene. [candace pops in before & after heading to the johnson family dinner with jeremy, which is a big annual production.]

at the entryway vanessa politely urges doof to be lowkey, please - and when doof starts to convince himself he's an unwelcome addition perry reassures him that he isn't, he's wanted and he has a lot to share with everyone. doof's self-preservative instinct at uncomfortable social gatherings [aka any social gatherings] is to raise his hackles, become bratty and defensive - but since perry is here in his corner perhaps he can quash that impulse. doof ends up getting along pretty well with linda AND lawrence - lawrence is an affable guy and an avid listener, he's delighted by all of doof's outlandish claims, and enjoys hearing his advice on mechanical issues. [also doof is interested in the antique field because he understands some antiques are EVIL, and lawrence is like oh yes well that's true actually. but they don't sell as well i'm afraid.] then doof sinks naturally into housewife conversation with linda, while perry enjoys the pleasant unspoken cameraderie he's always felt next to lawrence, who is telling charlene how much her home decor would benefit from rococo furniture [charlene is masterful at hiding her disinterest] and of course while the parents are conversing phineas and ferb plus the girls slink off to construct an elaborate traveling cornucopia train or whatever, sharing food with the ENTIRE tristate area to get thanksgiving back to its roots of community goodwill!! and candace is keeping an eye on them but has to acknowledge this is pretty sweet even if it's a little creepy that phineas has created a miniature army of robot turkeys to hand out stuffing to the poor and needy. candace w/ tired affection: phineas, dont ever change. phineas cheerfully: i cant! but returning:

doof needed perry's support, to push him past his default behavioral patterns - and now he's conversing, making friends with other adults, incredible. perhaps he can integrate into perry's family after all. but he couldn't have guessed that perry might need him in his corner too, here. in perry's family home of all places - perry should fit right in.

but the flynn-fletchers sometimes forget to include perry. ferb is at least capable of piping up when he has something to say, but conversation with perry is a learned skill that requires practice + dedication, or else it becomes limited to asking him stilted yes/no questions and moving on when perry's contributions are understandably limited. once the boys [who tune effortlessly into perry's wavelength] have left, conversation wears on and perry isn't spoken to, he receives less eye contact and he emotes less and less, his expression ossifying. maybe it's what he's learned from living all those years in this house, because when the flynn fletchers talk over him, perry returns to those deeply entrenched behavioral patterns, becomes not himself. which is when doof shocks life into perry by squeezing his hand. and starts doing that annoying thing where he prioritizes perry. he chimes in with stories perry's in - and perry is in every story, because if he wasn't there at the time then he's at least heard them before in prior retellings. and so perry gets to be a member at the dinner table, because doof makes him one. and he can't act mindless when he needs to hide his mortified face in his hands every 5 minutes. doof and perry help push each other out of their destructive natural patterns, that's the main idea. a big flock of turkeys flies by at sundown and linda chortles when candace tells her they are robots. ferb says a group of turkeys is called a RAFTER, or more commonly a GAGGLE. isabella is like, really ferb, animal groupname fun facts? ferb shrugs and phineas tells her "its the tryptophan."

[sesamie]

loolin sent me down a rabbit hole so here are some thoughts from my escapades tonight:

---first blog entry i read---

i started here which took me here which took me here 

‘ whiteboy rap ‘

‘ like the barenaked ladies meets mid-era beatles, yet it didn't sound imitated at all ‘

guster did come on, and they were fine [though, in my opinion, tally hall severely outshone them] << OHHH SHIT 

the four of us gathered around the 'hot sexy one' and took pictures (this is one of the pictures theyre talking about:  

anyone remember ‘appeal sex’ ??

‘i went off to find the yellow tie, rob. he was my favorite from when i first saw him on stage. whereas joe was dark and handsome with long tossled hair, rob had glasses and a bland haircut. i felt an affinity with him.’ SFHSLFKJSD ME TOO MAN

apparently the tie colors initially matched their instruments!! although, ive heard like. six different sotries of how they chose the ties and most of them are just ‘we chose whatever was avalible at the time’ so i have a feeling they came up with a few different elaborate backsotries

----okay second blog post reading time---

i started here which took me here (aka the one right before the one before this its confusing but thats alright)

if only adobe flash player still worked then i’d be able to watch this person’s filming of a be born performance that was apparently so close to her that rob sat on her foot!!! at least we still get this picture of it though:

incredible.

“I especially liked Ross' face as he drummed: he looked so happy and his hair was flying everywhere. “ ya this lady gets it

quote rob,  "Yeah! I remember you guys! That was a great picture, Let's do it again!" this time because their friend stephan couldnt make it to the picture, rob improvised:

this time with zubin!

and then they did it again at yet another concert:

this time with ross !!

“ Ten reasons I like Tally Hall so much?

1-Clean, creative music: My mom even likes them!

2-Musicianship: they are incredibly musically talented--amazingly tight harmonies--which sounds silly considering they're a band, but it's shocking how many artists are out there these days with not a lick of real talent.

3-Variety: with some of their songs, if you were to randomly listen to two or three different parts of the song, chances are you might just think it's a couple different songs. Then they have totally crazy songs, then super chill songs.

4-Uniform: they don't need retro sequin jackets or skinny pants to be cool. They have their own style, and it has become their trademark.

5-They share: Their shows aren't monopolized by just one band member. They all have little spotlights and recognize everyone as a part of the whole (or, the Hall).

6-The guys: SO personable. I love just talking to them--they are so chill, and don't stick themselves up on a pedestal. They are just normal guys who happen to travel everywhere and do what they love, and do it well.

7-Bongos, xylophones, and other various percussion instruments (the names of which still elude me)

8-Their frequent use of a megaphone.

9-Whiteboy rap? Heck yes. And whistling solos.

10-They like to kick it at the university, but all work and no play makes them crazy, so...they jump in the bumpin SUV. “ 

okay theres a part on the side of this blog that says it cannot be used or reproduced without consent except i think the person who wrote it is like. an adult now. and also,,,, who am i expecting this post to reach? however, kristin, if you’re reading this somehow and want me to take it down i’ll be happy to do so. because (to paraphrase a tally hall legend) you, yes you, are the bon-diggety.

-----third post time---

i started here which took me here

“ there was even a small "shrine" to the band itself in the back corner of the room. “ <sound familiar, anyone???????

“tally hall would play at your school if your principal was cool with the idea.“ I LIVE 2 DREAM ANOTHER DAY HUH

oh okay so that was just a . precursor to the production of the actual elementary show i see i seeeee..

in that case, then

---fourth post time, aka the one i was originally reading but i have following-every-link- syndrome so here we are---

i started here , theres 4 parts to this article

“ (+20 ‘awesome’ points if you read both links…if you comment that you did, maybe i’ll draw you a picture!) “ <..can i get a picture slfjsd

okay this is just a HITS article so im not gonna liveblog it cause u can read it urself!! everything i would have copy/pasted here is readily avalible there so . ya

omygosh they went on stage at first with fake mustaches on..so the kids couldnt tell who they were....

okay well this was a lot less that i probably originally meant to write, but i saved a lot of cool photos and have come 2 the realization that i got some serious organization to do in regards to my....extensive.... collection of tally hall photos mostly because a great deal of them have no context and that means i cant prove i didn’t just screenshot them from somebody else! (that is, yes. that is what i did.)

anyways hope this was enjoyable somehow. i sure had a good time !! thanks loolin !!!!! 

[librius]

rubybelladonna replied to your post “🌻”

👀

oh god oh fuck yes okay so these are some of the hcs i made with @carbonatedsalt​ (under a readmore because i kinda went off oops)

gordons trans, hes been transitioning since maybe late elementary early middle school

he did track in high school for a little bit before starting to play baseball instead, and he was Good at it

he went Hard on studying too, he overcompensated a lot bc he was worried about the first point affecting things. instead it put him at the Top of his class

college gordon is still a Try Hard. he is The Nerd. hes also still pretty active tho, surprisingly, this is a Fit nerd

David Li. he is known colloquially as the Attractive David @ the school. he also has an undeniable crush on one Nerd. unfortunately said nerd is a bit of a social himbo

joshua freeman is the product of a group project turned one night stand, against all odds (testosterone, birth control, etc)

gordon was honestly more amazed by josh’s tenacity than anything and kept him, regardless of davids preferences

davids preference was... neutral? he didnt feel particular either way, and gordon was pretty dead set on like, Treating The Kid Like A Group Project. he’d do all the work because he could do it The Best and didn’t care about the other participants who Wouldn’t Do Anything

gordon also like, didnt broadcast that the other dad was david, but his friends definitely knew and were just kinda 😳😳😳 Attractive David??? made a move on nerd freeman????

gordon Did Not have a gender reveal party like some weird cis person. like. come on were better than that here.

when joshua actually Happened, david did show up! he was in the waiting room, but he was there. when he actually came to see gordon- who looked absolutely tired out of his mind and like he was going to pass out- and the kid, gordon just deadpans  "Finally, a group project that was worth my time"

gordon. is so so so in love with this kid. like he was neutral up until he saw him. like. thats Mine. What The Fuck.

david was by no means an absent father unlike gordon thought. like it was Definitely Weird for him, but he helped financially (the best a college kid can) and emotionally

at first gordon is weird about letting Anyone near joshua, postpartum anxiety shit, this includes david. eventually it lets up though

joshua as a whole like, rlly brings gordon and david together, like closer as people. gordon opens up and gets to know david, and david learns about gordon as a person and manages to distance him from like,, Idealized Crush Gordon

the two never get together again, but they end up as rlly rlly close friends, even when they graduate and gordon moves onto postgrad while david starts his own work

david is a general art major, and makes a living as a popular abstract artist, commonly commissioned and Well Off

gordons hard working attitude doesnt let up in post grad, even with an amazing amount of love and attention for josh

david is still active in joshuas life too, he always has been and will continue to be, he’s one of joshuas dads, but gordon is joshua’s Dad if that makes sense

david and gordon also like, regularly hang out and go out for drinks and stuff too. theyre each others oldest friends

when the black mesa incident occurred, with the resonance cascade, joshua was at school

when the school couldn’t contact gordon when joshua needed to go home, they called his emergency contact, notably David Li-Norton (he’s married now)

now joshuas used to sleepovers at david’s house, but this week is way longer than usual, and its Weird

 meanwhile, david and his currently unnamed art history husband, are hearing all this shit about black mesa, the military, an explosion, and david is Afraid

theyre actually... Preparing to tell joshua when david gets a phone call from the hospital

after the party, gordon just collapsed outside the building. it was tommy who actually went “uhhh fuck guys i dont think thats supposed to happen” and got him to the hospital

david, believe it or not, was his emergency contact. if you can willingly trust a guy with your kid, you can trust him with anything

david rushes to the hospital, pretty much In Shock when he sees gordon laying there

gordon doesnt notice him at first bc hes being so quiet, and when he does, he panics at first- raising his missing right arm- before realizing its david and loudly- hoarsely- exclaiming so

his first words to david are along the lines of “you gotta bring me new clothes, my shit got fucked. up.”

then gordon elaborates "They cut the sleeve off my shirt David. My favorite MIT shirt. David, they cut off my MIT shirt sleeve.” and hes slurring from the pain killers he’s on and he looks so so tired and david cant help but laugh and cry at the same time he’s so relieved

gordon seems to have a Habit of saying Weird Things to david in hospitals apparently

david is Pivotal in gordons recovery, taking care of joshua until gordon can walk again and actually take joshua home and everything and its just so so sweet

joshuas got three dads! soon to be four ;3c

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [2] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2821 words. continuation of the Fake Dating AU; enjoy

[part 1]

He calls you darling with his head between your thighs, and a camera over your shoulder, and you’re scripted to card a hand through his hair - you can barely look at that wig and keep a straight face - and just as you do, the door in the centre of the frame bursts open. The camera refocuses, and it’s Gwil in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, announcing that the band had been played on the radio. After a beat, he stops, sees you scrambling to push Ben away and cover yourself, but he’s more excited at the news as he gets to his feet.

It’s a short scene, and once cut is called on the first take, and the crew take a moment to look over the footage. Like clockwork, people start moving around you, adjusting lighting, shouting technical jargon that you’ve learned to tune out over the years, and Ben sits on the edge of the bed as Gwil joins the pair of you, chatting with Ben about the football.

You’ve got a robe somewhere but you don’t bother with it, just wait as the scene is reset around you, and people come in and fluff the pillows behind you, and the camera angles itself a little lower as the sheet gets pulled off of you. You’re very glad that most of the crew are professionals, because they’ve got you in a pair of high-cut, surprisingly flattering cotton panties, and a tight, brown crop-top with a fringe that stops just above your stomach.

Gwil leaves and Ben leans back, his head pillowed on your thigh, and you gently kick him with your free leg, though it only serves to make him laugh. And then the cameras are rolling and Ben shifts so he’s laying on his stomach, his cheek resting against your thigh as he looks up at you with that mischievous glint in his eyes.

There’s a moment, seeing the way he looks up at you, part of you forgets it’s acting on top of acting, and you feel like you’re thrown back in time, leaning against his headboard as he presses a kiss to your inner thigh, the room dark around you apart from the warm glow of the light beside his bed and-

The director calls action and you’re ripped from the memory. If it hurts, just a little, to see him smile at you again like that and know it means nothing, you try not to dwell on it. You smile back.

“Do you have to get up? We’ve got the day off.” Ben wraps an arm around you pressing his forehead to your back, his voice still rough with sleep.

“You have the day off.” You correct with a small smile, trying to sit up. He just tightens his grip, pressing a kiss between your shoulder blades. “Ben.” The way you say his name is a gentle warning, and you can feel him smirk, his lips against your back as he gives a hum of acknowledgement. “They want me on set in an hour and a half.”

“Come on, that’s heaps of time.” And he’s tugging at your hip. You take that as your cue to turn, fondly exasperated when you finally look at him. “So this one is...?” He prompts, small smile on his lips as he sees the way you’re playful annoyance turn endeared. 

It’s something else to wake up next to him, his hair a curly mess, expression unguarded and affectionate in the morning light. The curtains aren’t open, but there’s a sliver of light peaking through a gap between them, and the light shines in, hitting the arm he’s got draped across you. The idea of Ben Hardy trying to keep you in bed, smiling at you like that, would have been laughable just a few months ago, yet here you were.

“Midsomer Murders, they’ve got me playing a baker’s daughter who’s killed ‘cos she looks like some bloke’s ex.” You tell him quietly. There’s a moment of silence that follows, and you’re not even sure he heard you, a look in his eyes like the world outside could be burning and he wouldn’t even care if you’re by his side. 

“Sounds like it’s right up your alley.” He mused, arm still around you, and you laugh at that. The sound makes his smile brighter.

“What the baker, being murdered, or looking like an ex?” You asked lightly, though you realise too late that it could be construed as some sort of twisted relationship test, thought he just chuckled, not reading anything into it.

“Finding yourself playing someone tragic.” He explained. He’s still smiling, but your own expression falls as you consider the weeks you had ahead of you.

The producers of Eastenders had sat you down to explain that your character was going to overdose at the end of the Season, and be rushed to hospital. The survival of her was entirely dependant on the fan’s reaction to the character and the event, but even if she recovered, her romantic arc with Ben’s character would end. The fans wanted him back with Lauren, and the production team agreed.

“Do you think it’s weird that my characters keep getting killed off?” You asked, and he rests a hand on your cheek, thumb gently brushing against your cheekbone.

“‘course not, babe. Two is a coincidence, maybe start worrying about being typecast if it happens again.” He’s so gentle when he says it that you can’t help but smile back, leaning in to press your lips to his before getting up to start getting ready, and Ben grumbles without you by his side, but he’s smiling as he watches you flit about the room.

“You and Ben were together last time we worked together, right?” You and Gwil are the first two on set for the first day of shooting the Madison Square Garden after party. You’d just wanted to get their early knowing you’d have to spend a good deal of time in hair with the wig they had for you for the scene. 

“That was a while ago; surprised you even remember that.” You laughed, eyes closed where a makeup artist was busy applying eyeshadow. 

“Yeah, I forgot about it until the Interruption Scene,” he says, and you snicker, humming with agreement. The silence that stretches between you is a pleasant one. You’d been on quite a few episodes of Midsomer Murder with Gwil, enjoyed his company well enough, not that the two of you had really spoken back then, he’d been a lead and you had different bit-parts every time, and you hadn’t really kept in touch, but he was shaping up to be a good friend on set here.

“How are you two going now?” He asked, idly, watching your reflection as your lips were painted a bright red.

“Good.” You answer automatically, pausing to blot your lips before elaborating. “It’s- uh, honestly it’s weird being back together.” You cast an uncertain gaze to the makeup woman who was clearly trying to hide her surprise. 

“Good-weird?” Gwil asks, raising an eyebrow, and you hesitate. When your words come out next, they spill, too fast as if making up for the silence in which you had to actually think about the answer.

“Yeah, of course, it would be weird if it wasn’t, you know, good-weird.” After a beat, you took a deep breath, forcing your shoulders to relax. “All relationships are weird at first.” And you swallow, standing from your seat and heading into get your wig. Ben’s yawning as he steps past you to get to the makeup trailer, and you catch his wrist as he passes. 

“Hey.” Voice soft, you smile at him, trying to push down your sudden uncertainty. He looks a little confused, but his answering ‘hey’ is kind and fond. He catches sight of a makeup assistant waiting for him, and he presses a quick kiss to your temple before making his way in.

It’s easy to pretend to love him. 

Almost as easy as it was to actually love him.

"So are you gonna leave him once you leave Eastenders?” Maisie was rather blunt. She was one of the only people you talked to after having your production with her had wrapped, and that’s more so because she was a freelance production assistant for indie movies, and she’d let you know about upcoming projects. 

“What the hell, May, no.” You spluttered, and she rose her eyebrows leaning back and taking a long sip of her coffee. She’s judging you. She’s always judging you. It’s part of her charm, you learn not to be insulted.

“Oh, I thought it was just like, a publicity thing.” She admitted, and your brow creases in confusion.

“That’s fucked, that’s so disingenuous.” 

The two of you fit together so easily, sitting on a gilded love-seat in the middle of Freddie’s living room set. Ben’s got an arm around you and a prop glass of alcohol free champagne, and there’s extras all around you buzzing with energy. Every so often you’ll catch one of them watching you and Ben as if you’re some sort of spectacle, and you have that unique sinking sensation that comes with being a public figure; of everyone knowing your business whether you told them or not.

“I think they know.” You murmur in between takes, and he makes a hum of acknowledgement, before turning to you, expression neutral, if not a little confused. “I know, that’s the point.” You know what he’s trying to say without him having to say it, reading him even after a few years apart. 

“You wanna get dinner after this?” He asks quietly, and your expression turns reflexively confused.

“It’s already midnight, it’s not like anyone will expect us to be out, not that anything’s open.” You rested your cheek on his shoulder as he looked out at the crowd.

“We can go to Seven-Eleven for all I care, I just need to get food after this.” He muttered, and you suppressed a smile.

“So we’re putting it on for the cashier?” You asked, and he turned to face you, chin bumping into your forehead when you refused to move your head.

“Babe,” he says pointedly, and you have to laugh, because if you don’t you think your chest might ache a little, “I just want company, it’s not that complicated.” 

Except it is that complicated. Being around him like this has reminded you how good it felt to be with him. It’s been almost three months, and you’ve forced yourself into the habit of reminding both of you that it was fake, that it was for attention, and even if you were really friends again, there was nothing real about the romance. It was getting on his nerves, now that you were closed to the end of filming.

“I know that this isn’t real.” His grip on the steering wheel is white knuckled as he drives to McDonalds. “I get it, okay, I know what’s happening, you can stop reminding me.”

“It’s not all for you, Ben.” Voice soft, you lean back in your seat. He’s parked, but neither of you feel the need to leave the car. 

“What? You’re reminding yourself?” He asked, and you made a noise of affirmation, and he’s quiet for a long time. 

“Half the time, if I don’t remind myself, I just forget.” You refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed by that. “We didn’t actually break up that long ago,” you reminded him; it had only been about two years, “so I’m sorry if it’s weird for me.” 

“It’s weird for me too, okay?”

Your final scene of the Season has you laying in a hospital bed. There’s no words, just the steady beat of a heart monitor that’s going to be added in post production, and a shot of Ben’s face before he leaves, slamming the door to lean against it with his face in his hands. 

You fall asleep about five minutes into filming, and it’s only when Ben comes and lays down beside you on the hospital bed that you wake. Apparently they’d already filmed three takes. His eyes are red-rimmed, but he’s smiling.

“Don’t cry for me.” You tell him, gently teasing, laying your head on his chest and yawning loudly. He wraps an arm around you.

“Tell that to the writers.” He snorted, his hand rubbing gently up and down your arm. “I don’t know how you can sleep through all this.” He mused, and you give him a deadpan look.

“Well someone didn’t let me get a lot of sleep last night.”  Though your tone is accusatory, your smile is playful, and Ben refuses to meet your gaze, a blush rising on his cheeks.

“I’m not going to apologise for that.” He says, tone lofty, though his voice drops to a murmur. With a giggle, you press a kiss to his jaw, murmuring that he shouldn’t need to apologise anyway. 

When he looks at you, looks past the makeup they’ve put on you to make you look sick and weary to the way you’re grinning at him, and he kisses you gently, his finger beneath your chin, lifting your lips to meet his.

Ben’s called away a few moments later, and you see the woman playing Lauren smirking at him from the door frame. Ben rolls his eyes at her as he climbs from the bed, telling you over his shoulder that he’s sorry he disturbed your nap, and you laugh at that, shuffling into a comfortable position as one of the crew members came over and straightened the hospital blanket around you.

After the two of you talked in the McDonalds car park, things have become easier. There’s no more reminders, not in the traditional sense; when it’s just the two of you, he calls you dude, and you call him buddy, and neither can take the other one seriously. He almost snorted beer from his nose when the two of you grabbed dinner at a pub and you’d told him;

“You look cute tonight, buddy.”

Low effort, low pressure, you let yourselves fall into the role of best friends who occasionally kissed when in public. It’s not even weird when you remember little details about one another from when you were together, it was more fond than anything else.

“Ben, settle an argument for us,” they’re on the set of Freddie’s first apartment, and you weren’t actually in the scene, but you’d been bored out of your mind at the hotel you were staying at and came along to watch the recording. Ben was sitting beside Lucy on his phone on the brown leather sofa in the middle of the set, while Rami and Joe were laying side by side on the mattress by the piano, and you were behind the camera with Gwil, trying to touch his wig, and getting your hand slapped away every time, as if it were a game.

“Is this the most impractical bed,” Joe parroted the script, and Lucy’s delivery, to which the actress rolled her eyes with a goodnatured smile, “or just a genius designing his room to best suit his own creative feng shui?”

“Why would you ask him?” You call over as Ben considers thoughtfully for a moment. “He designs his living room about how to best minimise glare on the TV.” You snicker, and Ben looks like he’s about to protest, but then his expression changes and he’s nodding in agreement, before adding.

“The bed’s impractical though, I keep kicking my shin against it.” He adds, and when the boys are giving him a confused look, surprised that he agreed so quickly with your words, he shrugs. “We lived together, she knows what my living room looks like.” He says, as if it’s explanation enough, and honestly, it is.

“Do you ever think about getting married?” The two of you are curled up on his sofa one evening, binge watching something forgettable on Netflix, and your whole body freezes. “Christ, calm down, I’m not asking you, I’m just curious.” There’s a laugh in his words, and you let yourself relax.

“Maybe one day, when I’m a bit older.” You muse, sighing softly and leaning further into him. “When I stop playing crack whores and murder victims.” 

“But you play them so well.” He says, with all the fake-enthusiasm he can muster, and you shove him in the ribs.

“Oi, I’ve got more range than that.” You huff, before settling back down. “What about you?” You ask, and he lets out a low, long hum.

“Haven’t really thought about it much.” He admits, and you make a noise that’s halfway between amused and confused.

“What’s got you thinking about it now?” When you ask, he tightens his grip on you, just a little, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Not really sure.”

the rat pack: @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine 

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

[sixcastappreciation]

sixcago gave me my gay rights

alternative title: review of the evening sixcago show on july third

this is like almost 4k and its mostly just rambling but i need to express how much i love sixcago

like at least half of this is just me being gay so i bolded some of the things that i found really interesting and isnt just me like, freaking out

so to start off: holy shit. the energy of the entire show was amazing, it was really funny and fun and the acting/dancing/singing was on point like i cant think of a single complaint on the part of any of them.

so to get into the actual show

ex wives

when the curtain came up and the smoke started pouring out i actually felt my soul leave my body it was such a good moment

less than thirty seconds in brittney mack made eye contact with me and i swear to god my heart stopped and i honestly had trouble focusing on the rest of the song

i am not exaggerating that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth

shes............. literally so good im still shaking as i write this like three hours later

the third repetition of the rhyme where they all sound kinda pissed off? they nailed that

adrianna was so cute when she said “you wont try that again”

andrea holy shit. thats really a wrap on that

abby got that like, kinda head in the clouds thing that i feel like is janes Brand during this part

when he saw my portrait he was like JaaAAaaa

i love brittney mack

courtney knew what she was doing with that prick line. get it girl

anna has the most angelic voice i swear to god

the six of them work really well together on stage???? like i know its all choreo and stuff but you could Feel the energy that they had together it was good

oh man the choreo for the end. im so gay

intro thingy:

adrianna with that riff!!!!! we stan

annas face after “herstory” was iconic. she knew what she had done wrong

you couldnt hear the intro for maggie bc people were cheering so loud

the way adrianna says maria made me gay

abby also knows what she had to say. she knows how cursed janes sense of humor is and she was really playing it up

protestent............ protestant

“we’ll tell you what you want what you really really want” this made me laugh so hard i dont rly remember the next like thirty seconds because i was dying

“the biggest.... the firmest......... the fullest..............” im. i cant

no way

“maria” AGAIN adrianna please. please i cant handle it

“OH muy bien aHHah” not to be Lesbian On Main but fuck this was so cute

her emotion during the monologue was SO funny

it was peak, it was so good

she really gets it. i dont totally know what it is but this aragon monologue gets it

when she said “really trying” she did like, a motion. i cant go into more detail but Fuck

so after “move me into a convent” everyone like, gathered around aragon and adrianna did a

well idk what youd call it but a like

her entire torso swung around in a huge circle right before “i dont think i’d look that good in a wimple”

and idk what it was but that part just made me Lose It

adrianna had this way of making it all a little funnier?

like catherine is usually pretty Serious, i think but it felt like adrianna knew she was playing a character who was Like That, if you will, and was kinda leaning into breaking the fourth wall a little

i can probably elaborate if that doesnt make sense

you say its a pity cos quoting leviticus ill end up kiddiless all my life

she said that with such conviction goddamn

oh, he doesnt remember

this was so good

the “sh-”s were really funny

the fucking. i dont know what it is but the *ting*

holy shit

i cant put into words

how much i loved that part

the pause after “i’ll go” was............ expansive

i just checked it was 10 whole seconds

that doesnt sound long but it felt like forever

she went high on “end of my life” and thank u for mine adrianna hicks

the amount of no’s was impressive and im heart eyes for it

adrianna just had really good stage presence

like i caught myself looking at her during the dance breaks of all the songs when i wasnt looking at brittney

it was just so fun to watch her go!

dluh

during the intro of like “yeah, you know, the really important one” andrea was doing some Dumb Shit in the background

like i dont know exactly what it was but she was just like

idk like noodling around in the back

and i caught her eye and she like, smiled a little

the gasps the rest of them did were....... cute

then andrea busted out a full on fucking witches cackle

then she stuck her tongue out and looked like she was taking a selfie and it was so cute

like, her tongue was OUT

“not my thing” had the BIGGEST uwu energy of anything ive ever heard

i thought people were kidding when they said andrea boleyn had uwu energy

they were not

pret a manger barely came across as a real line it was more like, an experience

the sorry not sorry choreo. its so funny and cute and simultaneously cursed

the way andrea delivered her lines here was just

it was like, cutesy and fun but also kind of cursed

uwu

when she said “are you blind” andrea like, gestured to herself, in a like “look how hot i am” kinda way

which might be the standard? either way it made me laugh a lot

don’t be bitter/cos im fitter was the only line in the entire production said with a british accent and it fucking slayed me on sight one hit ko

i actually like that they changed “mate, what was i meant to do” to “wait, what was i meant to do” because

it implies that anne had no other train of thought than the one she was on and thats very funny to me

i think it fits w andreas portrayal too

everyone was like, fake crying when anne fake walked down the aisle and it was really funny imo

and as soon as she got to the end anne like, turned, yk?

bro just shut up

the entire audience gasped after that

andrea had actual like, panic on her face

then she led into “i guess he just really liked my head”

and there was a beat after that, where everyone laughed

it was long enough that everyone got the joke

then she mimed the blow job

her riff on “hell”? iconic

“wait, didnt you actually die” no jane she was beheaded but she was fine

abby seymour said dumbass rights she has the Dumbest Bitch energy god

“catherine of aragon had tragically died” catch adrianna looking like, yeah it was so sad for me, how terrible, right?

then boleyn goes off

the. fury, passion, anger, zest, contained in andreas “MASSIVE-”

“over my dead body” andrea gave her this look like, youre damn right it will be

heart of stone

oof

okay so the monologue

oof

“i was lucky. okay, i was really lucky” o o f

“edwina” is still cursed tho

i dont know what it was about this. i dont know if it was abby, or the dialogue, or just it being live but

this made it clear that jane had been Through It

like, this monologue came across (to me at least) as unquestionably a “woman who was abused trying to justify it to herself” kind of situation

“and that’s not because i was scared,” she said, wearing an absolutely terrified expression

this is where she started tearing up i think

okay i gotta take a moment here because

abby was fully crying before the song even started

like somewhere about halfway through her monologue she started tearing up

i was looking for it specifically

i wrote this before the last part so see above

so by the first fucking like of hos you could hear her voice breaking

holy shit ms meuller what the fuck

im not kidding who gave her the right

at the stagedoor she said that after this she was like, “well thats it for my makeup” when someone complimented her song

she is crying. the first chorus and she is actively crying. in the breaks between her lyrics you can hear her crying

abby went high on a couple of notes in here

she riffed on “truthfully” and it was, wow

she didnt go for the whistle tones which was, honestly? the most relatable thing in this entire show

but a couple of the other notes she went high on and they were so killer

there was a second or two of pause after the end where everyone just, absorbed things before the applause

i have some questions for abby about this actually because i dont know if its just because the monologue was different than im used to but

i just want to know if abby meant to have everything come off like That but god

the mental gymnastics jane is doing here are so intense

this performance genuinely changed how i listen to hos forever

i dont think i can ever peacefully listen to this song again

this song gave me so many layered emotions thank u abby mueller

haus of holbein

hans................................. *holbein*

the chaos

i honestly barely remember most of it it was

i had no idea who to be looking at

but i remember it being beautiful

i dont have the words to express how

fucking funny it was

the accents were hilarious

like they werent great german accents, but that made it far better

they were leaning into the ridiculousness of it all

the way abby said “but we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty” had me on the ground

ive spent the last 24 hrs trying to figure out exactly why it was so funny and i think i got it

she dropped the german accent

and she straight up sounded like she was reading off the side effects of a pharmaceutical ad on tv

the freeze frame? legendary

anna and courtney (im pretty sure?) managed to look so genuinely offended that henry swiped left on them

your highness your highness your highness

god adrianna please

actually every h sound that came out of their mouths

but adrianna Got It

get down

oh god i gotta talk about “didnt live up to his expectations”

brittney like, half took off her jacket and gestured to her body and like, body rolled a bit and honestly? i was fucking dead

the sarcasm really jumped out here. brittney went off in the best way possible

she was fully fake sobbing right before “tragic”

fucking legend

brING me some pheasant!

the woof line is always a good moment but their facial expressions really made it work here

this song has the most outwardly complex choreo (ofc i cant speak to its actual difficulty) and every single one of them crushed it

brittney made eye contact w me again on “looking cute” and im deceased

oh god after “take my fur” she whispered “thank you. honestly” and gestured to herself again and like, i was dying

iirc brittney was like, skipping across the stage or something on “i look more rad” and snapped into position for “lutheranism”

we gotta take a moment to appreciate the operatic talent of that one “get down you dirty rascal” instead of the slo mo

like, ofc the slo mo is a good moment but

brittney went full opera and it was,

wow

shes got a voice on her holy shit

so much talent in such a tiny body

aCHYEAH

she picked the person sitting next to me to dance w her and

they did their cute little dance thing and then brittney gestured like, go sit down, and the person did, then stood back up and started dancing again

not like, in a bad way i dont think

it was super fuckin funny and after the song brittney was like “oh that was cute you think youre funny”

but i heard them talking at the stagedoor and like, brittney was chill it wasnt like a violation of anything

im not explaining it very well but it was really funny in person

everything about her on stage was just, so enrapturing

i dont have too many specific notes about this song because it would probably turn into just, me being gay, which is enough of this already

anyway! get down was good brittney mack is a stellar cleves

her fake crying is next level tho

the confrontation

boleyn, unprompted: i lost my head!

the beheaded cousins high fived after “nice neck” and like, stuck out their necks a bit it was so funny

seymours “i died”

we all know abby is gonna kill her line delivery

but GOD

and then after, she like, realized what she had said and struck a pose like, shit please still think im regal

the line itself was actually pretty, uhhhh, sad

theres something about boleyn roasting khoward in andreas voice

courtney with that “and your songs” had perfect timing

also “when will justice be SERVED” had such good punch to it

after she did that she like

rubbed her hand on janes face

and abby looked SO offended

theres something so, sincere about courtneys delivery of her roasts that i hadnt been getting and its SO much funnier to me

i forget exactly where but at some point boleyn aragon and howard were arguing

and in the background it really looked like seymour and cleves were having a normal conversation and i lost it like. they were just chattin

there were a couple moments of like, cleves and seymour interacting and it was interesting

aywd

courtney! mack! took! no! prisoners!

jesus christ

okay so i dont know if other howards do this or if it was just because i was seeing it live and up close and that made the difference but

for me the most compelling part of this howard was the fear

like yes there was the sadness/anger/etc like there was good emotion but

from the “he says we have a connection” re: henry, and then on, everything about courtneys body language just screamed that she was afraid

idk i might expand on this in a separate post because its a darker topic but yeah. holy shit that was emotional

not a single person clapped after the last line. they all waited until after “yeah, and then i was beheaded” before clapping

like the theater was dead silent. DEAD silent

it was like, so haunting because it was just courtney on stage at that point, with just the white spotlight on her, it was a Moment

im not sure i have the heart right now to get too deep into this

if it would be particularly interesting to anyone feel free to ask, im happy to get more into it but idk its just Emotional

actually this is already so long ima go for it

so on each “we have a connection” it was uhhhh parr and aragon (i think) who each put a hand on like, her clavicle

and for the first two verses she grabbed one of the hands and was like, flirty? ig

but on the one about henry seymour also put a hand around her waist and she like

she freaked out

and listening back to the audio i can

unpopular opinion perhaps but the actual emotion of her on stage didnt come thru in the audio

because it was so physical

like you could see how scared she was

which made it more relateable to me honestly

like she looked so so scared

it was heartbreaking

the confrontation part ii

oh BOOH OO MISTERESSES

“okay catherine, babes” is CUTE fight me

anna looked like, progressively more concerned as that beat went on, and then she just kinda like, deflated? it was really funny tbh

idk her parr feels Different than the parr im used to

during “oh im catherine parr i draw the line in arbitrary places” courtney was playing with her hair it was hashtag cute

BACKING VOCALS RIP CATHY PARR

idnyl

a cute little b flat major 7

yeah anna parr seems

hmm

she seems like she’s just, over henry

like from the start she just has no time for him

idk im Conceptualizing

anna uzele is

her voice is next level

she put survived in the “got married to the king became the one who survived” in air quotes which i think is an interesting note

anna got really physically into the “remember that...” bit of it and everyone in the back was also having a good time with it it was Good

andrea. she stuck her pointer finger between two of her other fingers on her other hand for the “my sixth finger” line and it was SO funny

khoward keeping aragon in line was

not the hot take i was expecting but nevertheless the one we deserved

both for “dissolution of the monasteries” and “well actually”

idk it was a cute character moment

one of *unsure, disgusted, vaguely annoyed* siiiIIIiix

abby was right in front of me and she looked SO uncomf

yeah, i read

iconique

andrea like, threw her head back for this line

the pause after “theres not much we can do about it now” is

painfully long and so so so funny

i was only really looking at brittney but she was like, arms down head up no body language it was SO funny

also her “yeah?” ended my life

she raised the mic up to her mouth while not moving an inch of the rest of her body

the part where they get all meta. has me dead

it was about halfway through this second part that i realized cleves had her coat back. i dont know when that happened. if anyone else knows when exactly anna of cleves gets her coat back after it gets taken off in get down please tell me. i genuinely want to know

this actually distracted me

i got vibes that they genuinely hated henry during this part

first off, mood

secondly, good

annas riffing. god.

she is so talented

dsfjksdf they all straight up left

six

the opening moment is really sweet and kinda funny

abby again killing it with janes cursed lines

courtney howard is actually so cute

when shes not being heartbreakingly sad that is

like her “bye!” was so cute

theyre all so supportive of each other its very cute

megasix

adrianna and abby both looked into my camera and like, i died

at the end anna and brittney were doing some dumb shit as they walked off stage and it was SO cute

after the show

i went to the stagedoor and it was a really fun experience! ive never done that before

it seemed like everyone was being pretty respectful and stuff, thank u six fans for being sane

i got four signatures on my program dklfjsldfjds

abby was such a sweetheart, we actually talked a tiny bit

i told her i loved her line delivery (because uhhhhhh i do) and she said that she tries to get in that comedic timing when she has Those Lines and like yeah

she was seriously the nicest

the ladies in waiting came out as well and everyone cheered for them and lets be real they DESERVE it

lemme sidebar here actually and talk about the ladies in waiting because

they killed it

bessie on the bass was living her best life at literally all times

brittney was also super sweet! i told her she had good energy (because uhhhhhh she does) and she was very nice about it!!!

i didnt really talk to anna or andrea but i got their signatures!

also speaking of my program im still losing my mind over “remembered for: headlessness” and “remembered for: staying alive”

thank u sixcago program

in conclusion! this was such a great+special experience!!! all of the actors were incredible, it was so wonderful

im also not claiming any of this stuff was unique to this performance or to sixcago in general this was just the stuff i noticed as i was watching it. if you clown on this post ill end u

[sam-windrose]

On the aesthetic vs. discipline debate

There’s something that has been bothering me in the bujo community and it has more to do with the way people address things, rather than with the fact that they do. I am an extremely busy, exhausted, multitasking student and activist with an anxiety disorder that has only just started to not dominate my life completely. My anxiety has made me believe that if a single hour goes unproductive it is wasted and I should feel bad. I have given myself a total of 4 days of break during the holidays and I kept shaming myself for not passing my free time “productively” during them. Given that, I understand and RELATE with the argument that yes, of course spending much time to make your bullet journal look pretty might not always help increase your productivity. Discipline is what will make you more productive, not aesthetic. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree that no one should be pressured into thinking that the bujo they’ve started for themselves and them only should respond to any kind of perfection - and budget because oh my god are most stationery used unaffordable af - standards, and this should never apply any pressure to people in the community. I am all for better representation and diversity in bujo styles without having to compete to what is considered to be perfection by the majoroty, esp bc you bujo FOR YOU. The issue is that most posts I’ve seen against aesthetic perfection have been shaming in their phrasing a drive for aesthetics that might feel like a stress relief activity for many of us. Let me elaborate. As I mentioned before, I have bad anxiety and self esteem issues, and I’ve mercilessly pushed myself to burnout before. Let me clear something up: burnout SUCKS so don’t romanticize it, ever. It makes you incapable of ever enjoying what you do for months afterwards. You feel like there’s no choice but quitting. Given all that, when I first started spending 4 and 5 blissful consecutive hours on my bujo as the self care i had sorely needed for months, I naturally also started shaming myself and feeling extremely guilty for not doing something actually PRODUCTIVE. Because yeah, let’s face it, sticking images from my tumblr for a couple of hours isnt what my thesis supervisor would have considered as productive. The thing is, I needed that desperately. Bujoing, to this day, helps me so much to cope with my mental illness and gives me IMMENSE happiness, so much that I often feel I dont deserve it. Posts that are reminding me i’m not being productive enough for once again are doing nothing to help with my guilt and self-beating-up. If bujoing isnt working in terms of productivity for a person, sooner or later they’ll find out and stop doing it themselves. Please dont belittle and shame people’s creative outlet for their stress, emotion and art by saying that “let me break it to y'all what u need is discipline” because most of our studyblrs are already run by perfectionist overachiever students as young as 14 who may forget to take care of themselves and may already push themselves too hard. Also,discipline is an ableist concept that certainly cannot be demanded from a person with adhd, anxiety, depression etc. so please consider. You cant ask me to live with discipline when sometimes its hard to even get out of bed or when Im already working myself sick bc otherwise i feel unworth of appreciation and love. Thank you for reading!