#its stifling in this fandom and it isnt healthy

[funtime29nm]

Sans au human redraws that i wont ever finish but did exclusively for @nu1lst4rs bc i love her

I ramble in the tags btw if u wanna read it

Also theyre all girls now btw and theyre wlw and poly cuz i say so

[heuldoch7b]

while i was gone, i was deeply contemplative about part of what made me take a hiatus in the first place, which is shame. long post forewarning

growing up on the internet (i was 10 when i started using the internet, back in 2010-11) and something i was (and frankly, still am) constantly exposed to was shaming others. ranging from "light hearted" shaming; this ranged from poking fun at an amateur artists work for it looking funny or it being super "tumblry" to shaming with the guise of social justice, you know "hey this artist draws X and thats BAD and if you support them youre JUST AS BAD".

when i was younger i poked fun at other artists and engaged in cancel culture, on a very small scale (just my friends and i) and i regret it. it was entirely due to my own low self esteem and peojecting fear of being made fun of myself. but ive retained that fear, even as i've matured and grown to understand how unkind it is to shame and mock others, ESPECIALLY as myself a weird, autistic artist who draws "cringe but free" stuff

and even with regards to problematic content, stuff that, reasonably more often than not, ellicits a "yuck" reaction out of most viewers, has turned more into a genuine social risk of getting a callout over being immoral or gross and losing your social circles and delving into isolation. this happened to me. i think it genuinely messed me up, and im dealing with it even now.

it has lead me to be avoidant of being honest about what i like, and being afraid of befriending others due to fear of being dropped again. this is of course not fair to you, potential reader, but unfair to myself as well. i want to develop a healthier respect for my friends as well as myself about what i do and dont like, and not feeling guilty for saying no or not liking something.

i think, as i remake my old pinned post, i am going to be more explicit on stuff, i like shipping the primarchs! i love it very much even. and if you do not thats absolutely A-OK. i like drawing the dismal warcriminals as genderweird. i like maybe skirting away from how chronically cynical and dour the universe (which i do still enjoy, im into warhammer FOR warhammer) and making silly, comfy stuff. fuck i LOVE drawing weird heroic nudity mythological scenes where some characters are like, centaurs, cause its sick as fuck.

and with all that i myself need to be okay with maybe people who i enjoy their work of dont really jive with all that, and that isnt the end of the world, its just being honest with oneself, and thats really important to do. i will be trying to maybe tag sensitive stuff like primarchcest better, so people can filter it out, but i am not gonna be hypervigilant about tagging everything because that would make me neurotic and id rather just be unfollowed or blocked at that point.

anywho, i really just wanted to put my thoughts down into words and share them, i honestly wrote this out and deleted it like 3 times already due to, hilariously, shame. but this is a really important topic to me and extremely relevant to my social presence on this website. i care for you all immensely, even if we are all strangers online.

i will be sad if i lose potential friendships over the things i like, but theres literally thousands of people if not more on this website, and it so fine and healthy to go like "eh no i dont want that in my life" to something like someones specific fuckin fandom art LOL

if any of you want to talk to me about your experiences with shame, id welcome it, may it be through a reblog or messaging me personally. i think its really important for all of us to be unashamed, mindful of course, but not stifling ourselves. be free have fun type stuff. i hope i can drop my own shackles too. thanks for reading

[queerloquial]

gorocakes replied to your post “yknow what headcanons I dont talk nearly as much about plurality...”

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ i am so here for this tbh

(forewarning that im slightly under the weather rn and sleep deprived, so my brain is all over the place and i ramble a lot) tbh i think a good portion of my love for system!anders+justice stems from justice often being reduced to ‘an obstacle in between anders and hawke/fenris/other lover and/or doing anything enjoyable at all’, as if justice isnt his own character with his own goals and thoughts and motivations

like maybe its just me getting too personally involved bc both me and my partner are hosts and the way fandom often treats justice is like. the number one thing ur not supposed to do with headmates if u wanna be a healthy system. not with urself, not with ur partner

which is why i would give my kingdom for a hawke (or other anders-romancing person) who gets that this isnt a case of their boyfriend having an overbearing roommate or whatev, who listens when anders says justice disapproves of X or is concerned about Y and works to address those in ways that they can all agree on. justice disapproves of getting drunk? have a nice quiet dinner at home with just the three of you. find out if theres specific tastes or textures he enjoys and incorporate those into the menu. and on the other side, work with him so that he understands just how much physical people need downtime, that he has to compromise in some areas now that hes sharing a body bc if it gets burnt out from doing too much then he cant help anyone at all

give me justice who comes out not only to protect mages from harm but because anders is overwhelmed and needs to take a break from fronting. who comes out just to talk to hawke and friends, who forms his own relationships with people independent of how they relate to anders. maybe merrill doesnt always see eye to eye with anders but she and justice meet for afternoon tea every other week or so because shes one of the few he knows personally who dont keep him at arms length just bc of what he is, idk

anders and justice working together. having conversations together without the others, their own inside jokes. have anders barely able to stifle laughter while out doing work things with hawke bc justice made some snarky comment about one of the raiders in that last fight. have anders up late at night, gently running his hands up and down his arms and muttering reassurances under his breath because justice is upset and verging on a meltdown because too many things have been going wrong lately and he cant stand it, cant take the idea that all of his efforts are turning out in vain

just. anders and justice being a system with all the ups and downs of two people sharing one body ;~;