#its strange how much i love this extraordinarily ordinary anime

[daggerzine]

Other Music documentary (2019- directed by Puloma Basu and Rob Hatch-Miller)  review by Dina Hornreich

“It is harder to put together than to take apart.” A plain and not-so simple comment coming from the former Other Music Record Store co-owners, Josh Madell and Chris Vanderloo, who are prominently featured in the film, as these words underscore a scene in which their crew is dismantling their once hallowed CD sales racks in preparation for the store’s reluctant closure. OM used to herald as a beacon of hope in NYC’s bustling offbeat East Village neighborhood, a cultural hub known as St. Marks Place – not far from New York University. (If you asked any New Yorker for directions, they would enthusiastically tell you to simply “get off at the stop for Astor Place Station from the #6 or #4 [subway] train: you will see the gigantic cube immediately after exiting the station...can’t miss it!”)

The OM store opened its doors in 1996, and officially closed in 2016. Twenty years is a very good run for any kind of establishment such as this one, especially in the Big Apple – a fact that was not taken lightly by the two makers of this film who each were an employee and a regular customer at the establishment themselves! And like the store itself: the film is an endeavor for music nerds by music nerds. (And, obviously, this Dagger Zine review is no different.)

For creatively inclined weirdos like us, OM was a place of refuge. It was a major meta-musical mecca that happened to take the form of a retail outlet which is a very bold endeavor to consider: an unusual existence as a cultural outlet that strove to challenge our knowledge, expand our awareness, and promote the discovery of completely unknown (even uncomfortable) expressions. This mentality was not conducive whatsoever to the slick sales-driven experience one might come to expect upon shopping for any traditional kind of consumable commodities. And we certainly did not receive that kind of treatment while shopping there anyway!

OM’s purpose was contrary to basic principles of economics because it was run by artistic types who believed in a much higher purpose behind what they were selling: it was a community focused approach. In doing so, they completely confounded the basic notion that we were purchasing mere commercial products to be unloaded for profit (like toothpaste). The store’s very existence was a subversive act of culture jamming in and of itself. This information in conjunction with a solid awareness of the cut-throat and risky nature involved with doing any kind of enterprising endeavors in NYC is extremely pertinent. (I was once told that any restaurant in NYC would be far more successful if it were in another location simply because the competition alone would be considerably less stiff.)

Instead, they were offering something very unusual to their customers by incorporating some kind of pseudo-quasi-intellectual discourse using extraordinarily inventively stylistic fusions and/or varied often inconceivable sonic experiments to create such astute, pithy, and massively passionate descriptions that would be entirely ineffective as a sales strategy to the less tolerant/picky shoppers at the overpowering Tower Records across the street. The store had a unique energy that was entirely its own manifestation. Bin categories had mysterious names such as: in, then, decadanse, etc. that baffled even the artists whose own work was often filed underneath them, as evidenced by the hesitant testimony provided by indie rock luminary Dean Wareham (of the bands Galaxie 500 and Luna). In fact, these idiosyncratically descriptive insider taxonomies were typically used as a rite of passage upon orienting new store employees to OM’s unique aesthetic.  

The delectably raw live in-store performance footage of more acquired tastes, but definitely well-loved by those “in the know,” included bands who simply could not have thrived in the same ways at more conventional outlets: The Apples in Stereo, Neutral Milk Hotel, The Rapture, etc. The most delightfully peculiar act might have been delivered by a performer named Gary Wilson whose legendary appearance began with him surreptitiously entering the store while beneath a blanket and then (from behind the scenes, presumably) covering himself in talcum powder prior to seizing the stage with unabashedly alarming flamboyance – with only the playful tunes that would we expect to appropriately match that indelible image so gloriously!

And that was precisely the point: they were unequivocally rebelling against more conventional music consumption habits by offering an entirely different kind of taste-making experience that was kind of less palatable overall – and, in doing so, they even helped launch the careers of some important figures: Vampire Weekend, Animal Collective, and Interpol. The description of the “consignment” process for emerging artists who managed to attain a place on their sanctified shelves seemed extraordinarily modest considering the scope and nature of the impact it offered. There was a lot of social currency behind the OM brand.

The inclusion of a parody skit starring Aziz Anzari and Andy Blitz (available here as well https://youtu.be/YN1mKiQbi4g), followed by the various customer testimonials (including actor and musician Jason Schwartzman), indicated that they may have exuded more than a hint of an unflatteringly, even off-putting, air of NYC hipster pretentiousness akin to that portrayed in the Nick Hornby book, Stephen Frears movie, and/or the new Hulu series (involving both Hornby and Frears): High Fidelity. However, there were clearly very good reasons for them to do this: They represented an extreme mishmash of strange characters who collectively embodied all the historically marginalized shapes, sizes, colors among other attributes that would not have been celebrated (or considered marketable) elsewhere. If they weren’t a little snooty, they probably would have been mocked entirely – as evidenced by an astute and pithy comment by a long-time store employee describing Animal Collective as appearing like a “sinister Fraggle Rock on acid.”

These artists never aspired to becoming real “rock stars” anyway – on the contrary, they embodied the antithesis of that concept. (A point made abundantly clear as they bookended the film with footage of ordinary musicians simply marching through the streets of NYC.) Literally, OM offered shelter to those of us who are able to truly appreciate the anthemic idea behind the phrase: “songs in the key of Z.” It was a place for gathering the outsiders among outsiders, in other words.

It is impossible to ignore various impressive personalities who made appearances throughout the film, in both large and small roles. This includes but is not limited to major NYC scene contributors such as Lizzy Goodman, author of the equally compelling and similarly themed book: Meet Me in the Bathroom: Rebirth and Rock’n Roll in New York City 2001-2011. Footage in the film included key figures in influential bands including: TV on the Radio, Le Tigre, The National, Vampire Weekend, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (all of whom are also featured in Goodman’s book). You can also see glimpses of varied lesser known, yet supremely compelling figures of that era, including writers Kandia Krazy Horse and Geeta Dayal, and former store employees such as Lisa Garrett and Gerald Hammill.

These conversations take place until we eventually witness the demise of Tower across the street (and its many ilk of like-minded big box stores) which clearly signaled the ever-looming end for Vanderloo and Madell’s opus-like enterprise. A point that musician Stephin Merritt, best known for so many stellar masterpieces with his longest-running outfit, The Magnetic Fields, emphasizes upon casually observing the degrading presence of a fitness studio franchise that has since taken up residence in the spot that used to house Tower’s second floor. (I failed to try and restrain myself from recalling a new sense of irony from the lyrical lines that Merritt himself had written and recorded around 1991: “Why do we still live here.. In this repulsive town? All our friends are in New York.”)

There is also a bit of an underlying insinuation only apparent from random customer shots throughout the store regarding a possible impact from the Rough Trade Records shop that had recently opened in Brooklyn around the time of OM’s closing. This is exceedingly apparent to this biased writer herself who personally ventured out to that Williamsburg location last year for an in-store performance with NYU Punk Professor, Vivien Goldman, who had just published her own book Revenge of the She Punks. An event whose audience clearly included some members of the OM community featured in this film as I recall the store had heavily lauded her Resolutionary compilation album release prior to its official closing.

As the film successfully affirms the significance behind record store culture (especially in a global hub like NYC) which has long been hailed as a sacred gathering space for various misfits and weirdos who might find significantly less understanding and/or productive social outlets in other circumstances; its unavoidable bittersweet conclusion dramatically asserts how disappointing it is for us to witness the complete loss in their consistently tenuous financial viability as we are well into the digital information age – if not for the simple fact that paying for music (or any kind of intellectual property) is more commonly perceived as an anachronistic practice which is a clear and painful affront to all the prescient creative geniuses who are struggling to make an honest living off their work.

The film highlights the many multifaceted aspects that we fondly and endearingly associate with the appreciation of music that lies at the heart of the irrational fervor behind record collecting culture: the smell of the vinyl itself, the enormous visual impact around the artists’ choices for cover art, the substantial weight it possesses when we remove it from the sleeve, the delicacy necessary to handle vinyl so as to minimize any potential damage, its often very limited quantities as it is not cost-efficient to produce (the obscurity is intrinsically part of the exhilaration surrounding this “hunt”) among other substantial inconveniences that more or less confirm this as an unproductive – if not entirely illogical – endeavor overall!

Of course, it has always been very apparent to us that we were engaged in some insanely addictive bizarre kinds of quests that kept leading us to this absurd little locale in the first place – desperately trying to pacify some nebulous and insatiable deep cravings that we couldn’t always articulate… yet it always kept us coming back for more! As Mac McCaughan from the bands Superchunk and Portastic, as well as co-owner of Merge Records, astutely concludes: “They knew what you wanted before you knew.” (Of course, they did!)

The overarching and staunch message of this film is most apparent during the final closing scenes when we are eavesdropping on a conversation that the former co-owner, Josh Madell, is having with his young daughter about simply streaming the Hamilton Soundtrack on Spotify because the vinyl copy would have cost her $90 in the store. Perhaps even more ironic, of course, might be suggested by the very relevant context in which we find ourselves today: the annual Record Store Day celebratory event with which the film’s re-release was planned to coincide obviously could not happen. As a result, I was reluctantly watching it, albeit self-consciously, on my 13” laptop screen in my home office during the self-quarantine of COVID-19. Half the proceeds for the “tickets” were to be used to support one of my favorite local record shops here in Denver, CO, Twist and Shout, who may or may not be able to reopen as this pandemic situation evolves.

There are bigger questions to contemplate as the tide of change has only just begun in ways that only a tragedy, such as a worldwide pandemic, can facilitate for even the most obstinate luddites who have no choice but to incorporate regular use of digital formats in their daily habits – and we totally have, of course! This documentary remains as unequivocal evidence of the viability behind OM as it stood as an historic cultural hub that transcended the fundamental premise behind a commercial retail outlet. (Even though retail was once considered the only aspect of the industry where substantial money could be made. In fact, a measure of an artists’ success was often the number of albums they actually sold.) As its impact clearly exceeds its impressive years as a store-front operated business, it may also indicate a shortcoming in mainstream outlets who tend to ignore, silence, dismiss, and otherwise relegate the disempowered voices in our community – which, of course, are the major reasons that forced us to seek out these alternate forums in the first place.

The role of arts and culture for society is in fact to provide the very same opportunities that OM offered to us, which is (to reiterate that point from above) to provide an opportunity for discourse that challenges our knowledge, expands our awareness, and promotes the discovery of the completely unknown (even uncomfortable) expressions. These conversations give our lives meaning and force us to continually improve ourselves on many levels. While such commentaries could be considered an acquired taste or even an entirely esoteric endeavor, the crucial sensibilities they offer hold enormous potential for a world that honestly seems to need to hear from us… now more than ever!

If only we could find a better way to invite the integration of our perspectives into the bigger conversations? So that we can participate in the innovations for the changed world that will be waiting for us – and to ensure that it will be a more inclusive place for all of us. Which is perhaps what we ultimately (and so desperately) need, want, and deserve. The alternatives seem frighteningly Orwellian… at the risk of seeming a bit histrionic.

http://www.factorytwentyfive.com/other-music/?fbclid=IwAR3wtvtOKKC46YmfwjB6zv0wp5GMh4YBHFuWk0aLOti5m2NSs8PFChjrK4M

[sowhatisthisfor]

All-time favourite films

Favourite movies (rated 7-10 with 10 as the highest) watched from 2016 to present.

Updated soon after watching.

A Ghost Story [David Lowery, 2017, United States] No film has made me feel this melancholic ever. This is a film so profound, it examines existence in the simplest yet most esoteric way possible. It surely goes straight to the top of my all-time favourite list. 10/10

A Separation [Asghar Farhadi, Iran, 2011] No other film has played w/ my emotions better than this one."Emotional rollercoaster" has never been truer. 10/10

Portrait of a Lady on Fire [Celine Sciamma, 2019, France] a film of magnificent visuals, intoxicating sound design, and a screenplay of jawdropping surprises – definitely on top of my 2019 movie list. 10/10

The Lobster [Lanthimos, 2015] a peculiar take on the world’s social construction of reality. Far-out yet accurate, it’s captivating. 10/10

The Handmaiden [Park, 2016] Lavish, sensual, beyond clever. Having watched and read Fingersmith won’t make this gem a tad predictable. 10/10

The Heiresses [Marcelo Martinessi, 2019, Paraguay] compellingly melancholic in its silence and uncertainty. It’s a blossoming, a self-discovery, a thorny journey towards maturity. 10/10

Parasite [Bong Joon-ho, 2019, South Korea] You can watch it in many different ways, perspective, and angle, and everything is just as clever. 10/10

Thy Womb [Brillante Mendoza, 2013, Philippines] is so painful, it doesn't shoot you straight in the head, it tortures you.. that even after watching it, your heart's still crying.

The Duke of Burgundy [Strickland, 2015, United Kingdom]  Remarkable. A film so beautiful, it’s so hard to forget. I love this too much, it’s almost haunting. 10/10 

Burning (Boening) [Chang-dong Lee, 2018, South Korea] Shows the interrelation of hunger and class, the truths and the unknowns. Of how desires could either free you or cage you in unhappiness and despair. A mystery of misery that parallels its political viewpoint. 10/10

Carol [Haynes, 2015, United States]  a tough film w/ first-rate performances by both Blanchett & Mara that utterly make up for its minor dull moments. 10/10

Roma [Alfonso Cuaron, 2018, Mexico] Its technical expertise in every element of every frame and composition is overwhelming. It's a movie about contrasts and how each opposite gives life balance, told with such authenticity, it's luxurious cinematic experience. 10/10

Sana Dati [Jerrold Tarog, 2013, Philippines] a lost girl, a prince charming, an imperfect wedding, and an open-ended love story. I need a sequel. 8/10

Women of the Weeping River [Dayoc, 2016] This film literally left me speechless. Another Sheron Dayoc masterpiece. 10/10

Kanarie [Christiaan Olwagen, 2018, South Africa] Has one of the most poignant and critically-observed approach to self-awareness and acceptance. 10/10

The Salesman [Farhadi, 2016] Farhadi always has his way of shaking your soul, giving his audience a silent yet thrilling ride. 10/10

Shéhérazade [Jean-Bernard Marlin, 2018, France] a gritty narrative of an unusual young love with such depressing yet charming emotional pull. 10/10

Capernaum [Nadine Labaki, 2018, Lebanon] it’s not just about a boy in an unjust world, it is more about an implausibly unjust world where everyone is a victim and no one is an actual villain. 10/10

John Denver Trending [Arden Rod Condez, 2019, Philippines] Aside from its central theme of mental health awareness, it also has an excellent juxtaposition of the culture of bullying and cyberbullying and its correlation with how the nature of superstitions and religions shapes a country’s humanity. 10/10

Lady Bird [Greta Gerwig, 2017, United States] Small scale with great impact. It’s the type that doesn’t want to make you cry but makes you cry anyway. I love it with all my heart. 10/10

Call Me By Your Name [Luca Guadagnino, 2017, Italy, Brazil, France, United States] Its authenticity is incredibly palpable, I can taste it in my mouth. Something made with much love, my heart aches. Timothée Chalamet is remarkable. That last frame is unforgettable. 10/10 

Bliss [Jerrold Tarog, 2017, Philippines] Touches the fine line between dreamland and reality, and examines dreams or aspirations as mere illusions. It is wicked. It’s well-crafted. It’s a mindfuck. It’s deeply, as in deeply affecting 10/10

Kung Paano Hinihintay Ang Dapithapon [Carlo Catu, 2018, Philippines] a small film that tackles layers after layers of things too close to heart. Sincere and profound, definitely my favourite. 10/10  

Loveless (Nelyubov) [Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2018, Russia] cold and chilling in all aspect from start to end. It has such great observation of the recognizable societal apathy. 10/10

Your Name [Makoto Shinkai, 2016, Japan] Star-crossed love at its smartest, warmest, and vividly-made anime. Something highly satisfying, I have no words. 10/10

The Third Wife [Ash Mayfair, 2019, Vietnam] possibly has one of the best visual stories this year with a contrast of hauntingly sensual tension and dreamlike composition, it’s strangely beautiful. 10/10

Magkakabaung [Laxamana, 2014, Philippines] A highly-compelling depiction of reality, misfortune, defiance and justice. A film I need to see over & over. 10/10 

Atlantique [Mati Diop, 2019, Senegal] Such a bewitching tale of love, lost, and longing. A film told with such raw elegance, it’s enchanting. 10/10

Beats Per Minute (BPM) [Robin Campillo, 2017, France] Goosebumps. This is a film clear of its objective, it is exhilarating and exhausting in the good kind of way. 10/10

Cold War (Zimna Wojna) [Pawel Pawlikowski, 2018, Poland] Makes something despairing so beautiful with its artful composition, rightly-paced narrative transition, and cold but affecting character treatment. 10/10

Metamorphosis [JE Tiglao, 2019, Philippines] Not your ordinary coming-of-age movie. This one comes with such importance and inclusivity, everyone needs to see. 10/10

Faces Places [JR, Agnès Varda, 2018, France] Wow. This is the film to watch when your soul is dying for art. Tears, I can’t help them from falling. 10/10

Sid & Aya [Irene Villamor, 2018, Philippines] It’s too beautiful, I’m crying halfway through the film for how beautiful it is. You can watch this film without audio and understand it by its lighting, it’s that amazing. 10/10

Violator [Dayao, 2014, Philippines]  The horror film that brought me to tears. I found myself shaking, fighting my own demons, and it’s damn scary. 10/10

The Favourite [Yorgos Lanthimos, 2019, Greece, Ireland, United Kingdom, United States] a dark period comedy oddly fused with sophisticated costume and production design for a strange yet striking visual treat. 10/10

Edward [Thop Nazareno, 2019, Philippines] I am so amazed at how this film shows struggles after struggles after struggles without spoonfeeding emotions. It’s a movie so simple yet so despairing. Everything of it is in the right place, it’s sublime. 10/10

Arrival [Denis Villanueve, 2016, United States] An admirable sci-fi thriller where aliens teach humans about humanity. 10/10 

Salvage [Sherad Sanchez, 2017, Philippines] A film that’s meant to look like a found footage, with one single camera perspective. It used unconventional, long continuous odd angles and silence that made it feel so raw and real, it’s haunting. 10/10

I Lost My Body [Jeremy Clapin, 2019, France] gives an absolute strange reason to cry, it’s extraordinarily cathartic. 10/10

Imbisibol [Fajardo, 2015, Philippines]  I don’t care how beautiful this film already is, I still need to see its greatness in black and white. 10/10

Night of Silence [Celik, 2012, Turkey]  Amazing how something so distasteful was told in such charming and spectacular execution. 10/10

Marriage Story [Noah Baumbach, 2019, United States] My favourite performance of the year belong to these two leads whose portrayal of lovers going through divorce is rock solid heartbreaking. 10/10

Moonlight [Barry Jenkins, 2017, United States] A rare impressionistic film on a man’s struggle to finding himself, something so rich in poetry and visual excellence, it’s spell-binding. 10/10

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri [Martin McDonagh, 2017, United States] Too much hate and too much heart both at the same time. It is as shocking as it is enchanting. 10/10

About Elly [Asghar Farhadi, 2009, Iran] Its narration of a mystery is already engaging but its inner observation of truth and convictions is even more captivating. 10/10

Respeto [Treb Montreras II, 2017, Philippines] Uses the power of words to compare past and present. Shows the cycle of oppression in a well-crafted film of bewitching artistry. 10/10

Ulan [Irene Villamor, 2019, Philippines] Is a fuck you to societal norms, so profound, it is a love story that involves only one. 10/10

Ang Babaeng Humayo [Diaz, 2016] vividly questions justice, higher power, morality, and existence. It’s beyond brilliant, it aches. 10/10

Swiss Army Man {Scheinert, Kwan, 2016] Clever in all its weirdness. What an unforgettable experience. 10/10

Toni Erdmann [Ade, 2016] I don’t know if I should laugh or cry or both at the same time. No doubt a knockout. 10/10

Ang Manananggal sa Unit 23B [Cruz, 2016] If I can only use “beautiful” once a year to describe a film, I’ll use it on this one. 10/10

Arrhythmia (Aritmiya) [Boris Khlebnikov, 2017, Russia] For a movie with characters of increasingly tenuous emotional bond, this is teeming with sensitivity and sensibility. It has so much love, neutrality, and longing, yet so cold and fleeting. Definitely, an emotional rollercoaster of my liking. 10/10

Shoplifters [Hirokazu Kore-eda, 2018, Japan] a film that questions if blood is thicker than the ties that bind us. Here’s Kore-eda capturing our hearts again with his gently-observed humanism. 10/10

Gusto Kita With All My Hypothalamus [Dwein Baltazar, 2018, Philippines] a genius anti-romance that plays along the lines of loving the thought of being in love and making yourself believe in your own ethereality. I love it. 10/10

Embers [Carré, 2015] A stylistic post-apocalyptic narrative of survival of people who have lost their meanings. 10/10 

Respire [Laurent, 2015] With its overall well-observed direction, it’s compelling both visually and story-wise. 10/10

Avengers: Endgame [Russo brothers, 2019, United States] Raises the bar so high, is probably the most entertaining superhero movie to date. 10/10

Ari: My Life With a King [Catu, 2015, Philippines] So strong, it sinks too deep into my soul. 10/10

Honor Thy Father [Matti, 2015, Philippines]  Erik Matti made a competently crafted character in Edgar to complete a competently crafted masterpiece. 10/10

The Wife [Bjorn Runge, 2018, Belgium] Glenn Close is mesmerizing. There is no need to say more. 10/10

Anino sa Likod ng Buwan [Lana, 2015] Gripping, tender, sensual. Majestic in one long take. Saying I’m blown away is an understatement. 10/10

Balangiga: Howling Wilderness [Khavn, 2017, Philippines] Disheartening and provocative in all its hypnagogia. 10/10 

A Star is Born [Bardley Cooper, 2018, United States] If only for its music and its astounding performances, I’m already sold. 10/10

Oda sa Wala [Dwein Baltazar, 2018, Philippines] Is an ode to nothing, to the unseen, to the nobody, to the dead that’s more alive than the living and to the living that’s more dead than those who died. Baltazar has this gilt-edged technique that leaves its audience wretched yet buoyant. 10/10

Sunday Beauty Queen [Villarama, 2016] Highly compelling, charming, and important. Sweetest of the festival. 10/10

The Shape of Water [Guillermo del Toro, 2017, United States] Elegant in its visuals, storytelling, and performances. It is del Toro’s best yet. 10/10

BuyBust [Erik Matti, 2018, Philippines] a spectacular display of astounding filmmaking where every element is designed and choreographed fittingly well. Entertaining yet harrowing from start to finish, it’s the kind of film that stays. 10/10  

Frantz [Ozon, 2016] a melancholic take on people’s journeys to finding a reason to live. Beautiful use of color and B&W. 10/10

Captain America: Civil War [Russo, 2016] it’s hard to point out which part of the film I didn’t like, that’s if I hated anything. 10/10

Sing Street [Carney, 2016] No. There’s not a word in the world that could describe how much I love this film. Everything about it. 10/10

Pamilya Ordinaryo [Roy, 2016] Very raw, real and persuasive. Powerful in its entirety. 10/10

Hele sa Hiwagang Hapis [Diaz, 2016] Reality told through a mix of history & fantasy. A delicate & engaging quest for Filipino freedom. 10/10

Mustang [Ergüven, 2015] Brutal in its authenticity. Something I want to hate but can’t. I’m happy to have seen this film. I really am. 10/10

Still Alice [Westmoreland, 2015, United States]  It’s a highly moving film that doesn’t just make you cry, it makes you understand and feel, and it’s insanely good at it. 10/10  

Room [Abrahamson, 2015, United States] Astounding direction and performances make this film alive. And it should be for a hundred years or more. 10/10 

EDSA [Yapan, 2016] Is a number of things. It’s socially relevant, a moral challenge, a visual feast. Most simply one of the bests. 10/10

Son of Saul [Nemes, 2015] This film has a breathtaking power no one can doubt. 10/10

Embrace of the Serpent [Guerra, 2015] I got lost somewhere its visual hypnotism, but it’s great overall. 10/10

Winter Sleep [Ceyland, 2014, Turkey] Written too intellectually, I want to quote the entire film. And that’s just about 15% of its greatness. 10/10

Apprentice [Junfeng, 16] Draws the line between showing compassion & battling own conscience. Gripping, I feel hands around my throat. 10/10 Kubo and the Two Strings [Knight, 2016] has a heartfelt storytelling of the melancholic nature of humanity. 10/10 

Go Ji Jeon [Hun, 2011] Where wars for personal survivals, moralities, past horrors, and false hopes are far worse than combat battles. 10/10

Guernica [Serra, 2016] a little too overscored, but really great overall. 10/10

Crescent Rising [Dayoc 2015, Philippines] Captured clearly the struggles of people in search of justice, peace, hope & happiness in the midst of war. A film that is so hard to watch, there are times when I need to breathe through my mouth. 10/10

The Kids [Yu, 2015] an engaging portrait of a struggling young couple’s journey to parenthood told convincingly well. 10/10

El Misterio de la Felicidad [Burman, 2014] An easy and charming watch with an ending that could be one of my favourites. 10/10

The Survivalist [Fingleton, 2015] A long-lived representation of how people choose to risk their survival for fidelity and solicitude. 10/10

Ang Araw Bago ang Wakas [Diaz, 2016] Genius. An apocalyptic tale told through poetry against the backdrop of a growing disaster. 10/10

Grandma [Weitz, 2015] I love the story, I love how it unfolds, and I love how it will live in me for sure. 10/10

The Wailing [Na, 2016] An exhausting watch with an even more incredibly vexing inner context. 10/10

Oro [Yapan, 2016] Shows oppression and lopsidedness in equally lopsided frames. Amazing set of cast. 10/10

The Little Prince [Osborne, 2015, France]  Nothing like how I imagined it to be but I love it for everything it is. 10/10

Mad Max: Fury Road [Miller, 2015, United States]  That’s two hours of absolute vicious entertainment and visual marvel. 10/10

An Kubo sa Kawayanan [Yapan, 2015, Philippines] Stunning cinema. The film has its soothing silence that makes you appreciate the littlest things. 10/10 

The Martian [Scott, 2015, United States] Oddly funny in a satisfying form in the midst of struggle and desolation. 10/10

Thelma [Joaquim Trier, 2017, Norway]Meticulously-crafted film that questions fundamentalism as a basis for joy and purity. I yearn for films as poetic as this. 9.5/10

On Body and Soul [Ildikó Enyedi, 2017, Hungary] Too cold yet too heartfelt in all its complexity. 9.5/10

Hereditary [Ari Aster, 2018, United States] Unsettling down to the core with a convincing cast and a powerful storytelling. 9.5/10 

Incendies [Dennis Villanueve, 2011, Canada] With such expert direction, it’s elementally strong in more aspect than one. 9.5/10

Us [Jordan Peele, 2019, United States] It is as if every element in this film is smartly placed there to serve a deeper purpose, it’s a movie in search of greater meaning. 9.5/10

Manchester by the Sea [Kenneth Lonergan, 2016, United States] a quiet yet profound drama narrated too effectively resulting to a mournful yet beautiful symphony. A film that brings the kind of sadness that is both painful and alluring. 9.5/10

La La Land [Damien Chazelle, 2016, United States] Is really technically excellent, but is also really disconnected. Kind of something you adore rather than love. 9.5/10

Bad Genius [Nattawut Poonpiriya, 2017, Thailand] Brimming with excellent editing and direction, it is a thriller and an ingenius commentary on how social class inequalities lead to inevitable corruption. Brilliant. 9.5/10

Les Innocentes [Anne Fontaine, 2016, France] a battle between religious order and moral conscience, one whose importance cannot be omitted. 9.5/10

L’enfant [Luc Dardenne, Pierre Dardenne, 2005, France] It offers the kind of suspense that attacks your soul rather than just your senses. 9.5/10

First Girl I Loved [Kerem Sanga, 2016, United States] a tender coming-of-age drama that tackles discovering self-identity and the fear that comes with that realization. So raw, it’s thrilling. 9.5/10

Birdshot [Mikhail Red, 2017, Philippines] Beautifully shot, it swims along two storylines at par – both in search for impunity in a corrupted society. Too relevant. 9.5/10

Heneral Luna [Tarrog, 2015, Philippines]  Jerrold Tarog is as brave as General Luna. He clearly is the Luna of film making. 9.5/10

The Guilty (Den Skyldige) [Gustav Möller, 2018, Denmark] Is clever in its minimalism. A fast-paced action thriller and a psychological suspense, all shot entirely between four walls. 9.5/10

Batch 81 [Mike de Leon, 1982, Philippines] In its subversiveness and its sardonic undertone is a remarkable spectacle of expertise, bravery, esoterica, and dynamism. 9.5/10 

Dogman [Matteo Garrone, 2018, Italy] Examines a man’s need to be recognized as a chihuahua in a shepherd’s world. 9.5/10

Grave of the Fireflies [Isao Takahata, 1988, Japan] Save your fragile heart, this isn’t for the emotionally weak. 9.5/10

Timbuktu [Sissako, 2014, French, Mauritius] It haunts me more how this film can tell such horror beautifully, I am both mad and pitiful at once. 9.5/10

Copenhagen [Rasso, 2014, Denmark]  A very unusual romantic drama made guilelessly, the characters will live for years. I’m so in love with it. 9/10

God’s Own Country [Francis Lee, 2017, United Kingdom] Features a kind of romance with such carefully-observed realism. It was very well portrayed. Very well. 9/10

Apocalypse Child [Cornejo, 2015, Philippines]  I don’t know where it’s going & that’s what makes it great. Has the best cast ensemble I’ve seen this year. 9/10

Sleepless [Cruz, 2015, Philippines]  In which love is sincerely felt in the absence of romance. 9/10

Sunday’s Illness (La Enfermedad del Doming) [Ramon Salazar, 2018, Spain] Scene after scene of mesmerizing mystery and such powerful attention to detail. 9/10

Annihilation [Alex Garland, 2018, United States] Though at times flawed, it ended with such thought-provoking, ambitious, and lasting impact. 9/10 

Miss Bulalacao [Chawdhury, 2015, Philippines] A small-town film with a big message the whole world needs to know. 9/10

The Tale of Princess Kaguya [Takahata, 2014, Japan] Wow. How can something so cute and sweet break my heart into tiny little pieces? 9/10

The Ferry [Wei, 2013, China] Apart from its masterful visual beauty, the real treasure of this film is the beauty of its heart. 9/10

Saving Sally [Liongoren, 2016] Is the freshest and has the most creative style I’ve seen this year. 9/10

Sakaling Hindi Makarating [Idanan, 2016] In w/c you try to find yourself in far-flung places, & in doing so found someone equally lost. 9/10

Amelie [Jeunet, 2001] Uniquely crafted tour de force. So distinct, it won’t be forgotten. 9/10

One Week Friends [Masanori Murakami, 2017, Japan] There’s a good reason for my sunken eyes right now, right? 9/10

Vertigo [Alfred Hitchcock, 1958, 2012 restoration, United States] Where obsession leads to objectification of love and desire. 9/10

Captain America: Civil War [Joe Russo, Anthony Russo, 2016, United States] it’s hard to point out which part of the film I didn’t like, that’s if I hated anything. 9/10 

The Florida Project [Sean Baker, 2017, United States] Kids, no matter the social class, are still just kids in search for adventure, friendship, and love. This movie doesn’t feel like a movie at all, it’s brilliant. 9/10

Goodnight Mommy [Franz, Fiala, 2015] As cold and effective as it wants to be. 9/10  

 The White Helmets [Orlando Von Eisiedel, 2016, United Kingdom, Syria] A heartrending glimpse at the life of true heroes in violence-stricken Syria. 9/10

Inside Out [Docter, 2015, United States] One of the bravest films to ever illustrate the dysfunctions (and functions) of people’s emotions. 9/10

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens [Abrams, 2015, United States] Works best without the tweetums. Mostly worked therefore. It is the most complicated, action-packed, gender sensitive, and racially-diverse of the franchise. It also is my favourite. 9/10

PK [Rajkumar Hirani, 2014, India] a courageous film that wittingly pokes fun of religious beliefs. 9/10

Mamu and a Mother Too [Rod Singh, 2018, Philippines] Why it scared me, I don’t know. It could be because it’s unpredictable, it’s non-cliche, and it’s gentle in ways you don’t expect. I love it. 9/10

The Good Dinosaur [Sohn, 2015, United States] Not much story to offer, but heartfelt in its nothingness. Stunning visuals. Really stunning visuals. 9/10

Signal Rock [Chito Rono, 2018, Philippines] Very raw and phenomenal. Each character formidably plays an important role in characterizing a small town of heartwarming spirit. If not for its distracting bad CGI which I think is unnecessary, I’d give it a perfect 10. 9/10

Manang Biring [Papa, 2015, Philippines] One of those films that perfectly hit home. 9/10

Mercury is Mine [Laxamana, 2016] Quite a reflection of colonial mentality and the acute patronage of the superficial. 9/10

Beti [P. Sheshadri, 2017, India] manages to oppose patriarchy in Indian culture in such an innocent yet intelligible perspective. 9/10

Train to Busan [Yeon Sang-ho, 2016, South Korea] When everyone’s becoming a monster, humanity is the way to survive. Fast-paced. Thrilling. Heartfelt. I honestly feel like Train to Busan lacks a stronger female character, but it’s interestingly very human that I’m completely captured by it. 9/10 

Paris is Burning [Jennie Livingston, 1991, United States] is a little documentary that stays. 9/10

Paglisan [Carl Papa, 2018, Philippines] Heartbreaking. It is a test of sympathy. 9/10

ML [Benedict Mique, 2018, Philippines]teeming with ingenuity and masteful filmmaking, it’s a suspense too relevant for anyone to miss. 9/10

Liway [Kip Oebanda, 2018, Philippines] Is at most powerful when it exposes the correlation of facts and fiction. Doesn’t hit you right away but when it does, it hits hard. It hits still. 9/10

Sicilian Ghost Story [Fabio Grassadonia, Antonio Piazza, 2017, Italy, France, Switzerland] Cinematic and poetic. Beautiful in all its mythological symbolism. 9/10

Get Out [Jordan Peele, 2017, United States] a satire of utmost significance, it lives. 9/10

Si Chedeng at Si Apple [Rae Red, Fatrick Tabada, 2017, Philippines] Hilarious with punchlines, intelligent with comebacks. This is comedy with brain, soul, and heart. 9/10 Happy as Lazzaro (Lazzaro Felice) [Alice Rohrwacher, 2018, Italy] a charming small film with a subtext of such vivid social allegory. 9/10

I am Not a Witch [Rungano Nyoni, 2018, United Kingdom] For a debut film, this is quite a remarkable take on exploitation, abuse, and misogyny. 9/10

A Quiet Place [John Krasinski, 2018, United States] For a film that’s supposed to be silent, I find it quite overscored. Still a good watch though. 9/10

Ang Panahon ng Halimaw [Lav Diaz, 2018, Philippines] Sarcasm at its best. Quite fun. 9/10

L'amant Double [Francois Ozon, 2018, France] Wild and mindblowing, a film of endless curiosity. 9/10

Widows [Steve McQueen, 2018, United States] How can something so traditionally formal feel so modern at the same time? Steve McQueen knows. 9/10

Eerie [Mikhail Red, 2018, Philippines] More than its excellent scare tactics, what I love about it most is its clever storytelling and use of metaphors. 9/10

Veloce Come Il Vento [Rovere, 2016] Funny, gripping, touching. I enjoyed every single moment of it. 9/10

Sarong Banggi [Dela Cruz, 2005] i’m not too keen on the plot twist but the emotional connection’s too strong, I’m easily in love w/ it. 9/10

I Love You, Thank You [Gohetia, 2015, Philippines] That was quite a torture, I left the theater too broken. 9/10

La Luciernaga (The Firefly) [Ana Maria Hermida, 2015, Colombia] is about finding love in grief, beauty in ugly. And though there are some directorial decisions I don’t necessarily agree with, the chemistry its leads bring onscreen is too tangible for me to care about its flaws. 9/10

Green Room [Saulnier, 2016] a lot of fun, tension, blood, and cinematic excellence. My type of film, really. 9/10

I’ll See You In My Dreams [Haley, 2015] So true about the death I know and the death I don’t know. So true about everything actually. 9/10

Tuos [Cabrido, 2016] Visually alluring with winning performances, it’s almost hypnotic. 9/10Cain at Abel [Brocka, 1982] Sleekly written, directed, and acted. Considerably flawless. 9/10

Seklusyon [Erik Matti, 2016, Philippines] a thought-provoking jewel on the corruption of divinity and an examination of people’s inner evils. 9/10  

First Reformed [Paul Schrader, 2019, United States] an astounding character study that questions the politics of religion. 9/10

The Conjuring 2 [Wan, 2016] I guess I just can’t really be scared of something this good. No dull moment. So human. Much love for this. 9/10

Fuccbois [Eduardo Roy Jr, 2019, Philippines] Amazing storytelling and editing of a narrative so strange yet so eclectic. 8.5/10

BlackKKansman [Spike Lee, 2018, United States] Although satirically exaggerated, this film is teeming with entertainment and importance. 8.5/10 

In This Corner of the World [Sunao Katabuchi, 2017, Japan] It stays. Films like this, they always do. 8.5/10

The End of the Tour [Ponsoldt, 2015, United States] Give me a minute, I need to rethink my life. 8.5/10

Margarita with a Straw [Nilesh Maniyar, Shonali Bose, India, 2016] An unusual take on sexual exploration and self discovery. It somehow lost its focus towards the end but still a delightful watch overall. 8.5/10

Berlin Calling [Hannes Stohr, 2008, Germany] a movie that lives in the present paced in such rhythmic beat, it is dazzling from start to end. 8.5/10

Kuwaresma [Erik Matti, 2019, Philippines] Is a multilayer of social commentaries which were good before they too contradict themselves. 8.5/10

Two Days, One Night [Dardenne, 2014, Belgium, France, Italy] I’m crying half of the time because its emotional dilemma has to be seen in the eyes of depression. 8/10

Battle of the Sexes [Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris, 2017, United States] Makes me feel bad for not being alive yet when it happened. Ace. 8/10

Euthanizer (Armomurhaaja} [Teemu Nikki, 2018, Finland] An examination of how suffering is commensurate with cruelty. For something so bleak, it is surprisingly a good exemplification of moral values. 8/10

Sicario [Villanueve, 2015, United States] One of the best and intensely-directed crime films I’ve seen that doesn’t need much action to thrill. 8/10

Don’t Breathe [Alvarez, 2016] Alvarez has some serious skills to make this suspenseful with only a blind villain inside a small house. 8/10  

Elle [Verhoeven, 2016] has one of the most intriguing antihero characters played perfectly well by Huppert. 8/10

Water Lemon [Lorca, 2015, Philippines] In w/c the struggle of finding strange connection (w/ people, emotions, wavelength, nature) is incredibly real. 8/10

Theeb [Nowar, 2015] For a newcomer, Nowar is a delightful surprise and so is Eid who did perfect in this film. 8/10

Brother of the Year [Witthaya Thongyooyong, 2018, Thailand] For all its simplicity and bleak storyline, it still offers an abundance of emotion and a sense of realism. 8/10

Padman [R. Balki, 2018, India] Speaks volumes in a humorous way. Something enlightening and empowering, I love it. 8/10

Gutland [Govinda Van Maele, 2017, Luxembourg] For a debut feature, Van Maele is a master of slow-burn tension. 8/10

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga [Shelly Dhar, 2019, India] Not a first in world cinema, but is still a groundbreaking moviemaking in the context of India. 8/10

Lorna [Bernardo, 2015, Philippines] Feels so legitimate, it’s entertaining from start to end. 8/10

The Killing of a Sacred Deer [Yorgos Lanthimos, 2017 Greece, UK , US] Yet another solid psychological thriller by the master of contemporary enigma. 8/10

If Cats Disappeared From the World [Akira Nagai, 2016, Japan] a tearjerker drama that examines the essence of living as opposed to just merely existing. 8/10

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga [Shelly Dhar, 2019, India] Not a first in world cinema, but is still a groundbreaking moviemaking in the context of India. 8/10

Coco [Lee Unkrich, 2017, United States]Understands what La La Land doesn’t – relationships shouldn’t suffer when achieving our dreams. 8/10

Medianeras [Taretto, 2011] a lot wordy. But it’s the kind of wordy I’d love to listen to over and over again. 8/10

Paterson [Jim Jarmusch, 2016, United States] Poetic is an understatement. 8/10

Changing Partners [Dan Villegas, 2017, Philippines] uses strong dialogues and character play that makes it rare and magical. 8/10

A Prayer Before Dawn [Jean-Stéphane Sauvaire, 2018, France, Thailand] For something that feels hesitant in showing violence, this is already quite a tough watch. 8/10

We Need to Talk About Kevin [Lynn Ramsey, 2012, United States]

Purgatoryo [Cabrido, 2016] Reminds me a lot of ‘Oros’ only with some serious technique and distinct visual style. 8/10

A Taxi Driver [Hun Jang, 2017, South Korea] an entertaining yet affecting tribute to nameless heroes. 8/10

Ex Machina [Garland, 2015, United Kingdom, United States] A gripping labyrinth shown with such sleek visuals. 8/10

Krigen [Tobias Lindholm, 2016, Denmark] Feels a little rushed in the end, but affecting overall. 8/10

Chemi Bednieri Ojakhi (My Happy Family) [Nana Ekvtimishvili, Georgia, 2017] Paints quite vividly a life of a woman in a patriarchal society. Remarkable. 8/10

Little White Lies [Guillaume Canet, 2010, France] I love these characters too much to the point of wanting them to be real. 8/10

Beach Rats [Eliza Hittman, 2017, United States] Overall, a substantial commentary on the stigma of homosexuality and its effect on why people choose to hide. 8/10 

The Artist [Hazanavicius, 2011] Very artistically and playfully crafted. 8/10 

Bridge of Spies [Spielberg, 2015, United States] A blend of intimate and gripping accounts of a political thriller with excellent performances and direction. 8/10

Paki [Giancarlo Abrahan, 2017, Philippines] an illustration of how even the most prosaic narrative could be weighty through the power of storytelling and good direction. 8/10

Memoir of War (La Douleur) [Emmanuel Finkiel, 2017, France] Sadly, its visual choices, experimental scoring, and drawn out structure don’t match Marguerite Duras’s poetic writing. 8/10

The Wound (Inxeba) [John Trengove, 2017, South Africa] More than the physical wound from a boy's transition to manhood, this movie tackles a deeper kind of pain, the kind that scars forever. 8/10

A Gift [Jira Maligool, 2017, Thailand] One of those films that could effortlessly make you laugh and cry. Charming. Very very charming – definitely a favourite. 8/10

Pan de Salawal [Che Espiritu, 2018, Philippines] a hard-hitting reminder that the most painful challenges people overcome are also the most rewarding. Don’t be afraid to feel them all. 8/10

The Girl in the Book [Cohn, 2015, Untied States] It’s uncomfortable to watch two people w/o resemblance play the same character. Otherwise it’s great. 8/10

Heaven Knows What [Safdie, 2015, Germany] Raw and natural. This film is so truthful and alive, it breathes on its own. 8/10

Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa [Abrogena, 2015, Philippines] Silence, long takes, parallelism. This film knows how to show separation in its most artistic form. 8/10

Brooklyn [Crowley, 2015, United Kingdom, Canada, Ireland] Honestly told, naturally acted, distinctly beautiful. 8/10

Personal Shopper [Olivier Assayas, 2017, France] A subtle but dreary take on grief. Slow but rewarding in the end. 8/10

Moglie e Morito [Simone Godano, 2017, Italy]Could be the funniest film I have watched this year. 8/10

Love You to the Stars and Back [Antoinette Jadaone, 2017, Philippines] Kind of wants to make you believe in destiny, kind of succeeds in that sense. A tender take on teenage love and loss, so pure, it’s precious. 8/10

Above the Clouds [Diokno, 2014, Philippines] Feels a bit preachy to me but at the same time subtle in advocating against environmental destruction. 8/10

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation [McQuarrie, 2015, United States] I love the action, yes. But I love Rebecca Ferguson a million times more. 8/10

The Great Buddha+ [Hsin-yao Huang, 2018, Taiwan] Not sure if saying “this is my kind of humour” is something I should be proud of but damn this film is hilarious! Oh and really clever too. 8/10

Hacksaw Ridge [Mel Gibson, 2016, United States] Is one of those war films that stand out. 8/10

Hidden Figures [Ted Melfi, 2017, United States] For those questioning the existence of women figures in history, here’s a good start for you. 8/10

D'Ardennen [Robin Pront, 2016, Belgium] Just about the right amount of violence and grim unpredictability paced quite effectively. 8/10

Mother! [Darren Aronofsky, 2017, United States] It wore me thin down to the core then ended quite brilliantly. My social anxiety is triggered, I am petrified and annoyed both at the same time. 8/10

Blade Runner 2049 [Dennis Villanueve, 2017, United States] Despite its cringe-worthy attack on my feminist self, it actually has a rich cinematic vision of a bewildered 2049. 8/10

Ang Larawan [Loy Arcenas, 2017, Philippines]Has such polished musicality that it overwhelms you to the point of it defying the flaws. 8/10

Lipstick Under my Burkha [Alankrita Shrivastava, 2016, India] Comes with great intentions but lacks the powerful female characters the film supposed to have. 8/10

L’Avenir [Mia Hansen-Love, 2016, France] At this point, everyone should know that there is nothing Isabelle Huppert cannot do. 8/10

Nocturnal Animals [Tom Ford, 2016, United States] This is how a writer dies, and this is how a writer comes back with a kill. 8/10

La Tortue Rogue [Michael Dudok De Wit, 2017, France, Japan] A dialogue-less animation that proves that silence speaks a thousand words and could even provoke deep thinking. 8/10 

Everybody Loves Somebody [Catalina Aguilar Mastretta, 2017, Mexico] Nothing much is special and new about it which is why I don’t understand why I love it to a great extent. 8/10 

The Revenant [Iñárritu, 2015] Although it speaks, it doesn’t speak loud enough to be heard. 8/10

10 Cloverfield Lane [Trachtenberg, 2016] It’s wicked in a way that it is good. 8/10

Mon Roi [Maïwenn, 2016] With a narrative so hard to withstand, the riveting performances of Bercot and Cassel made this a must watch. 8/10 

Neruda [Larrain, 2016] Virtually poetic, contextually lyrical. 8/10

Leave No Trace [Debra Ganik, 2018, United States] a small film of massive authenticity and warm touch. It will leave a trace. 8/10

Manila by Night [Ishmael Bernal, 1980, Philippines] a classic representation of the realities of how Manila is a witness to the city’s moral lethargy. 8/10 

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story [Edwards, 2016] If only for its third act, this is already worth every penny. 8/10

Un Homme Ideal [Gozlan, 2016] a film structured so well, it’s both suspenseful and unpredictable. 8/10

Rosita [Aspock, 2015] a momentous character-driven drama on relationships & sacrifices shown through natural & credible performances. 8/10

I Smile Back [Salky, 2015] Nothing I haven’t seen before which is why I don’t know why I liked it. 8/10 

Ned’s Project [Lorca, 2016] Has a profound sense of lesbian issues w/ a well-thought-of character superbly portrayed by Angeli Bayani. 8/10 

The Third Party [Laxamana, 2016] Examines the struggles of sexual confusion, and existential crisis. Something that hits home. 8/10 

Ignacio de Loyola [Dy, 2016] Sincerely really well-made, I’m surprisingly impressed. 8/10 

Curiosity, Adventure, Love [De Leon, Richiardone, 2016] it’s the kind of film full of wisdom, it’s like I left the theater smarter. 8/10

I am Not a Serial Killer [O'Brien, 2016] The thing I like about this is I’m still not sure whether he is or is not a serial killer. 8/10 

Macbeth [Kurzel, 2015] Poetically forceful, it leaves you vividly stunned. 8/10

The Jungle Book [Favreau, 2016] It is so good, I almost stood up from my seat to join them in the jungle. 8/10

Deadpool [Miller, 2016] Still a better love story than Twilight. 8/10

Sovdargari (The Trader) [Tamta Gabrichidze, 2018, Georgia] Emotionally intense depiction of rural poverty. 7.5/10

The Two Popes [Fernando Mereilles, 2019, UK, US, Italy, Argentina] Features two outstanding performances that redeemed it from all its dragging moments. 7.5/10

Baby Driver [Edgar Wright, 2017, United States] The ending blew it, but I had so much fun anyhow. 7.5/10

It Follows [Mitchell, 2015, United States] It isn’t particularly terrifying to me, but this is definitely an anti-cliche horror film worth watching. 7.5/10

Loving Vincent [Dorota Kobiela, Hugh Welchman, 2017, Poland-UK] Focused too much on visual mastery, wasn’t impactful, narrative-wise. 7.5/10 

Black Panther [Ryan Coogler, 2018, United States] Oozing with unusual but likable characters. 7.5/10

A Land Imagined [Chris Yeo, 2018, Singapore, France, Netherlands] An unsettling noir mystery that questions people’s notion of truth. 

My Days of Mercy [Tali Shalom Ezer, 2019, United States] There is a bewitching chemistry between the two leads despite the coldness of it all. 7.5/10

The Other Side of the Wind [Orson Welles, 2018, United States] Not for a Welles beginner but is surely a completist’s delight. 7.5/10

Felicite [Alain Gomis, 2017, Senegal, Congo, France] With such lyrical tone, its narrative was thinly sketched that some of its elements don’t match. 7.5/10

I, Tonya [Craig Gillespie, 2017, United States]Despite Robbie’s knockout portrayal, I still need to connect more with Tonya Harding. 7.5/10

Dunkirk [Christopher Nolan, 2017, United States] Boasts Nolan’s technical superiority. 7.5/10   

Contratiempo (The Invisible Guest) [Oriol Paulo, 2017, Spain] offers an outstanding and enjoyable thrilling ride. 7.5/10

Giant Little Ones [Keith Berhman, 2019, United States] An honest road to knowing your own self in the eyes of a boy transitioning to adolescence. 7.5/10

Revenge [Coralie Fargeat, 2018, France]Caution: explicit cursing while watching and cheering to this. 7.5/10

Tu Pug Imatuy [Arbi Barbarona, 2017, Philippines] Great. Everything here feels authentic, it’s powerful. 7.5/10

Never Not Love You [Antoinette Jadaone, 2018, Philippines] Beautifully and realistically written. It’s just really hard for me to like Reid’s character. 7.5/10 

Kaptn Oskar [Tom Lass, 2013, Germany] Only basic virtue - it is a beautiful film. Not only for its comfort. But for the old poetry of dust emotions. 7.5/10

Walang Forever [Villegas, 2015, Philippines] A delightful romcom that shifts to heavy drama. Has a confusing tone, but ok with the follow through. 7.5/10

Tangerine [Baker, 2015, United States] Funny and adorable in an odd way. My favourite comedy of 2015 (so far). 7.5/10

Wonder Woman [Patty Jenkins, 2017, United States] More than it being a feminist is it being human and that I think is more important. 7.5/10 

That’s Not Us [William Sullivan, 2015, United States] Very real and natural, I’m nostalgic for reasons I cannot explain. 7.5/10

Other People [Chris Kelly, 2016, United States] So subtly-made, yet is filled with so much emotions. I have much respect for this. 7.5/10

Aria [Carlo Catu, 2018, Philippines] Could have gone deeper and darker to make a more harrowing but lasting impact. It borders on the safe side, but still able to tell something important. 7.5/10

Creed [Coogler, 2015, United States] One of the most passionate films of the year. Surprisingly, it’s still very Rocky. 7.5/10

Furie [Le Van Kiet, 2019, Vietnam] With great performance and thrilling choreography, Furie is one of the best action films of 2019. 7.5/10

Logan [James Mangold, 2017, United States] Could be the marvel movie that made me feel the saddest. 7.5/10

The Awakening of Motti Wolkenbrunch [Michael Steiner, 2019, Switzerland, Germany] A funny glimpse at a life of an Orthodox Jewish man with a chemistry that gives you a hopeful ending. 7.5/10

Gerald’s Game [Mike Flanagan, 2017, United States] Meticulously-directed, it is an outstanding adaptation of Stephen King’s novel. 7.5/10

Kita Kita [Sigrid Andrea Bernardo, 2017, Philippines] I have a problem with what it’s trying to romanticize, but I still find it romantic, I’m conflicted. I don’t know but i tend to like films/books that border on finding comfort in loneliness. Kita Kita understands that concept pretty well.  7.5/10

You’re Ugly Too [Mark Noonan, 2015, Ireland] An engaging journey of two unusual characters thrown together infused with a great sense of authenticity. 7.5/10 

Billie & Emma [Samantha Lee, 2018, Philippines] There’s magic in its production design and an amusing chemistry that would remind you of what it’s like to fall in love the first time. It is everyone’s teenage romance, the kind that buries heteronormativity. 7.5/10

The Beguiled [Sofia Coppola, 2017, United States] Powerhouse cast in one of their most memorable performances. 7.5/10

Star Wars: The Last Jedi [Rian Johnson, 2017, United States] I like how it understands the inevitability of war, and how good and evil coexists. 7.5/10

Of Love & Law [Hikaru Toda, 2017, Japan] Questions the intricacies of Japanese culture through a collection of simple yet meaningful moments. 7.5/10

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom [JA Bayona, 2018, United States]

Bambanti [Dulay 2015, Philippines] Has an honest storytelling of a small town tale that examines the correlation between social status and justice. 7.5/10

Singing in Graveyards [Bradley Liew, 2017 Philippines, Malaysia] It’s the things that it did not say that made this movie stirring. 7.5/10

Dukot [Soriano, 2016] has a kind of storytelling and powerhouse cast so good, you hate that it isn’t great. 7.5/10 

Kiko Boksingero [Thop Nazareno, 2017, Philippines] A small movie with lots of charm. A film about longing and finding satisfaction from things that are there all along. 7.5/10

A War [Lindholm, 2015] A war film In which the only villain is the circumstance itself. 7.5/10

Haunted: A Last Visit to the Red House [Phyllis Grande, 2017, Philippines] a quiet little gem. I would have want to cut it shorter though. 7.5/10

El Hombre de al Lado [Duprat, Cohn, 2009] Artistically minimalist, and yet very profound. 7.5/10

I Saw the Devil [Kim Jee-Woon, 2011, South Korea] A traumatic examination of how a monster is made. Creepy yet insightful. 7.5/10

Bagahe [Zig Dulay, 2017, Philippines] Proves that mental disturbance hits my emotions more than seeing physical violence. Affecting once digested. 7.5/10

Moana [Clements, Musker, 2016] Has a great sense of identity and sensibility, with really beautiful visuals and scoring. 7.5/10 

Baconaua [Joseph Israel Laban, 2017, Philippines] Hypnotizing. A small-town tale with profound ideologies buried under its simplicity. 7.5/10

Alipato: The Very Brief Life of an Ember [Khavn, 2016, Philippines] An enjoyable mix of weird artistry, whimsical storytelling, significant animation. Ridiculous but ridiculously exceptional. 7.5/10 

Kon-Tiki [Robbing, Sandberg, 2012] such a wonderful adventure in such a beautiful part of the world. 7.5/10

Jackie [Pablo Larrain, United States, 2016] Portman delivered a warm performance in what could be a cold memoir. 7.5/10

Italian for Beginners [Lone Scherfig, 2001, Denmark] an enjoyable character-driven story of adults finding love in the most unexpected moments. 7.5/10

Room 8 [James Griffiths, 2013, United States] Unique and smart. Too amazed, I had to share it with everyone. 7.5/10

Black Panther [Ryan Coogler, 2018, United States] 

Avengers: Infinity War [Anthony and Joe Russo, 2018, United States]

The Invitation [Karyn Kusama, 2016, United States] I know a psychological thriller like this is effective when I find myself so uncomfortable, wanting to leave, cautious of being brainwashed. 7.5/10 

Ready Player One [Steven Spielberg, 2018, United States] Too amusing to the point of apathy. Still entertaining though. 7.5/10

Disobedience [Sebastian Lelio, 2018, Ireland] Depicts the beauty of internal turmoils and hidden desires, it’s gripping. 7.5/10

Isle of Dogs [Wes Anderson, 2018, United States] A quirky imagination of a simple narrative, told in a hyper-stylized artistry. 7.5/10

Apostasy [Daniel Kokotajlo, 2017, United Kingdom] the more it rolls, the more I loathe religion. 7.5/10 

Wonder Woman [Patty Jenkins, 2017, United States] More than it being a feminist is it being human and that I think is more important. 7.5/10 

Trumbo [Roach, 2015] For a film about an exemplary screenwriter, it was only averagely written. 7.5/10

Miss You Already [Hardwicke, 2015] The kind that will make you laugh, or weep, or both at the same time. 7.5/10

Hintayan ng Langit [Villegas, 2018] I’m not completely sold on a couple of its elements but boy, Gina Pareño is a gem. A sparkling one.  7.5/10  

Always Be My Maybe [Villegas, 2016] Let’s do away with the immature cheesy scenes. The chemistry is already cute without it. 7.5/10

Malila: The Farewell Flower [Anucha Boonyawatana, 2018, Thailand] A beguiling narration of existentialism, redemption, and the philosophy of Buddhism. All told in such calming gaze, it’s actually hypnotic. 7.5/10

Heartland [Maura Anderson, 2017, United States] A lot of technical expertise is lacking but it’s heartbreaking just the same. 7/10

Under Heaven [Tilepbergen, 2015] A series of unfortunate events told through a collection of expressive shots and believable lead. 7/10

Meet Me in St Gallen [Irene Villamor, 2018, Philippines]

Meadowland [Morano, 2015, United States] I’ve always loved Olivia Wilde, and this is her most accomplished performance yet. 7/10

Never Not Love You [Antoinette Jadaone, 2018, Philippines] Beautifully and realistically written. It’s just really hard for me to like Reid’s character. 7/10

Eight Grade [Bo Burnham, 2018, United States] One of the most important and most natural teen movies of the year. 7/10

UnTrue [Sigrid Andrea Bernardo, 2019, Philippines] to put it simply, UnTrue is a thrilling rollercoaster ride. 7/10

En Chance Til [Bier, 2014] has an underdeveloped style and presentation to convince its audience of its supposed resonant narrative. 7/10

The Hitman’s Bodyguard [Patrick Hughes, 2017, United States] To hell with that, I enjoyed it. A lot. 7/10

Ma’ Rosa [Mendoza, 2016] a glimpse of the reality of poverty & how Filipinos negotiate for their lives. Important film but not my fave. 7/10

Dear Ex [Chih-Yen Hsu, 2018, Taiwan] Features odd but genuine kind of love. It is funny, heartfelt, and charming all at the same time. 7/10

The Miseducation of Cameron Post [Desiree Akhavan, 2018, United States] Provocatively presents how emotionally abusing conversion therapy could be. 7/10

First They Killed my Father [Angelina Jolie, 2017, United States, Cambodia] sincerely and sensitively paints a portrait of a country’s tragic history. 7/10

The Journey [Chiu Keng Guan, 2014, Malaysia] Gives you a glimpse of Chinese culture against the backdrop of the beautiful Malaysian landscapes. I really had fun. 7/10

Baboy Halas [Fiola, 2016] a film that will truly immerse you to a life completely unknown. Tranquil yet turbulent. A new experience. 7/10

Tale of Tales [Garrone, 2015, Italy] Boasts lavish productions with a series of macabre fairytales for adults. 7/10

I’m Drunk, I Love You [JP Habac, 2017, Philippines] Makes you feel so much. Something too relatable, it’s terrific. If only for its music scoring, it’s already worth the watch. 7/10 

La Tête Haute [Bercot, 2016] Paradot’s portrayal of a violent juvenile is one of the best I’ve seen this year. 7/10

Crazy Rich Asians [Jon Chu, 2018, United States] Important and feel-good, but that’s just it for me. 7/10

Vince & Kath & James [Theodore Boborol, 2016, Philippines] wait taym pers, bakit ampogi nung bagets? 7/10

Truth [Vanderbilt, 2015] It’s bothersome that it will make you thirst for truth, but the facts wont prove you that. 7/10

Mrs [Alix, 2016] Doesn’t go too big on drama but delivers first-rate portrayals of women wrestling with their own inner demons. 7/10

The Girl King [Mika Kaurismaki, 2015, Sweden, Finland] has a strong female character who does not dare conform to society’s truths. 7/10

Buhay Habambuhay [Herras, 2016] Technically, it was just okay. But it’s the kind of okay that lives. 7/10

Distance [Perci Intalan, 2018, Philippines] a tender family drama with powerful performances of characters who choose to love no matter how wrong or right. 7/10

Showroom [Fernando Molnar, 2014, Argentina] is a showroom of how beautiful and luxurious an artificial world could be. 7/10

Captain Fantastic [Matt Ross, 2016, United States] a thoroughly-observed film that asks too many radical questions that can only be answered by contradicting its own philosophy. Quite a realization that balance is the key to life. 7/10 

The Intervention [DuVall, 2016] Seems like a real bond, I don’t mind hanging out with them again. 7/10

Contagion [Steven Soderbergh, 2011, United States] Believable but somehow lacking in its scare tactic. 7/10

La Pazza Gioia [Paolo Virzi, 2016, Italy] The chemistry and the friendship formed between Beatrice and Donatella is a delightful box full of surprises. 7/10

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time [Mamoru Hosoda, 2006, Japan] an entertaining anime on time travel done with slick sensitivity. 7/10

Jorgen + Anne = Sant [Sewitsky, 2011] When it comes to love, who are we to judge? 7/10

Zodiac [David Fincher, 2007, United States] Intelligent drama, boring thriller. Not a fan. 7/10

The Greatest Showman [Michael Gracey, 2018, United States]

The Write Moment [Dominic Lim, 2017, Philippines] Incredibly funny. Unfamiliar yet relatable. 7/10

Baka Bukas [Samantha Lee, 2017] A realistic take on coming out and drifting apart. 7/10

Mistress America [Baumbach, 2015] In which anxiety, loneliness and one’s own crises are hidden behind the wit. 7/10

The Battleship Island [Seung-wan Ryoo, 2017, South Korea] Kind of an upset for a big-budget film. It was entertaining anyhow. 7/10

One Day [Banjong Pisanthanakun, 2016, Thailand] I could buy the romance here but I wouldn’t. Still quite good though. 7/10

Hunt for the Wilderpeople [Taika Waititi, 2016, New Zealand] Boasts really funny puns, and spectacular landscapes. All fun. 7/10

Nabubulok [Sonny Calvento, 2017, Philippines] With how much I read and watch crime and legal thrillers, I find this film very problematic in more ways than one. Still worth a watch though. 7/10

The Diary of a Teenage Girl [Heller, 2015] Well, that was quite an extraordinary diary. 7/10

Cafe. Waiting. Love [Jiang Jin Lin, 2014, Taiwan] Better if cut into two different films. Says something important somewhere. 7/10

Ken and Kazu [Shoji, 2015] Hard to watch. Pays off in the end. 7/10

Dagen Zonder Lief [Groeningen, 2007] a subtle observation of how youth disappears from sight. 7/10

Hush [Flanagan, 2016] Interesting use of silence both as a scare tactic and as a lifesaver in this nail-biting thriller. 7/10

Bridgend [Ronde, 2016] When there’s a teen suicide outbreak, how are you not going to like it? 7/10

Smaller and Smaller Circles [Raya Martin, 2017, Philippines] Suspense done right but there’s something about its exchanges that seems unnatural. 7/10

Lily [Deligero, 2016] Impressive style and use of myth to reject misogyny. 7/10

Pop Aye [Kirsten Tan, 2018, Thailand, Singapore] Is as slow but as heavy as its lead. 7/10

The Lady in the Van [Hytner, 2015] Nothing much in here stands out except for Maggie Smith’s glorious performance. 7/10

Instalado [Jason Paul Laxamana, 2017, Philippines] Has a creative approach in showing education as a privilege in a world of Insta-everything. Clever, it resembles the paranoia Margaret Atwood gives, and the subtle societal dysfunctions Yorgos Lanthimos offers. 7/10

High Tide [Tara Illenberger, Philippines, 2017] There’s something beautiful behind this film’s innocence. Too slow for my taste though. 7/10

Sa Gabing Nananahimik ang mga Kuliglig [Iar Lionel Arondaing, 2017, Philippines] Experimental with its cinematography and is probably its greatest strength. It’s 4:3 frame explains the film pretty well. 7/10

The Edge of Seventeen [Kelly Fremon Craig, 2016, United States] Full of hypothetical teenage angst, and coming of age romance. Was okay. 7/10

TPO [Altarejos, 2016] Melancholy & vexation told through intrinsic acting & a mix of essential & nonessential collection of long takes. 7/10

The Day After Valentine’s [Jason Paul Laxamana, 2018, Philippines] Brilliant in its canny use of language to illustrate people’s tendency to miscommunicate emotions. 7/10

Rhymes for Young Ghouls [Barnaby, 2014] For a period film, this is kinda lost in the modern world. Other than that, it’s good. 7/10

Child of Debt [Swamy, 2015] a tale of forlorn hope in which life is on loan & the only way to pay is through death. Honestly beautiful. 7/10

Certain Women [Kelly Reichardt, 2016, United States] It takes patience to watch this, but in the end, the winning silences and subtleties are worth it. 7/10

Affinity [Fywell, 2008] I’m very angry, disappointed, and affected. If that’s the goal, then it did I great job. 7/10

Tanna [Butler, Dean, 2016] a tribal Romeo and Juliet. The kind of “you and me against the world” that changed a way of living. 7/10

Thoroughbreds [Cory Finley, 2018, United States] The kind of film that doesn’t lead to what you think. It’s black comedy of my liking. 7/10

4 Latas [Gerardo Olivares, 2019, Spain] For all its nonsense, I enjoyed it. 7/10

[railsroadsandreflections-blog]

Terminus

Welcome to Janta express, an extraordinarily ordinary 24 hour train ride, wide wheelingly rolling through open, vast fields and fascinating but forgotten villages. Mind your step and hop into SL, sleeper class, where you will be sharing a temporary home - a space with two opposite sides of three vertically placed benches - with complete strangers. Quite possibly, you´ll be sitting across an older woman dressed in a sari and dangling bracelets, hair dyed in henna and skin so bleached that Michael Jackson himself would´ve gawked, her husband in sober clothing seated calmy beside her. Always greeted by smiles – Indians on trains will stare and wonder but never fail to treat you as one of their own. Sit down, take off your shoes, and enjoy the ride.  

Nowhere can a Nordic girl feel safer than in this modest, light blue colored carriage, soothing but sometimes chaotic as the nosy, noisy Indian families settle in for a day on the tracks. A man in round glasses hands me two cookies: food is offered generously, and if not, every five minutes someone will pass by with a variety of treats and gadgets to sell. Whether it´s a masala or a hammer, the salesman will fish it out of his bucket and ask you 10 rupees for it. Any trash from the purchases may conveniently be tossed out of the windows, which remain open at all times. All day long, I sweat and pant like a dog in a sauna, but at night, the cold breeze brades my hair into an ice crown. A journey is never so beautiful as it is in afterthought… Have an acquired taste? Say no more, and tune into general class, unreserved and inexpensive. Bold and bravehearted you must be: this is no chocolate coated croissant. Stolen passports have been reported and rumor has it that the roof makes an excellent camping spot, but only a oneway ticket can solve the mystery.  

Close to me, a whole family has squeezed into one seat. The kids are acting rowdy and their caretaker is not impressed: she smacks the girls on the cheek rather violently. The train rolls off slowly, and as it does so, voices are swiftly raised, feet are on the go and a whole herd of Indians jump off the accelerating train. No need to hug goodbye on the platform: Indian trains are like an extended home, open for everyone. One of the mischievous girls suddenly finds herself on the other side of the metal window, teary eyed, gripping the hand of perhaps her cousin. They will very soon be separated by thousands of kilometers. As I watch I tune into her emotion: trains and goodbyes, lovers and letters – classic, nostalgic and purely sentimental.  

The day is spent gazing out of the windows at the snapshots, ephemeres of ordinary lives: Fieldworkers with wooden baskets, burning and basking in the afternoon heat, teenagers gathering, soon to be joined by their friends on bikes, hurrying to the cricket field from the mazy paths that separate the playground from their village. On lonely train stations, old men read newspapers and beggars of all ages push their faces against the prison-like windows of the carriage. The tracks whistle and hum while thousands of passengers roll forward into the neverending land. All senses aboard!

Sleeper is no luxury, but your olfactory system is about to have a first class treatment: a potpourri of stenches occupy the air in and around the train, urine being the most pleasant of them. At night one can expect to be woken, as if on a sweet Saturday morning, greeted by the pleasant smells of Mother´s cinnamon rolls. If Mother´s cinnamon rolls were made out of sewage and excrement, that is. Occasionally the reeks are disastrously dreadful and I conclude- hell musn´t be far. Not exactly helping the matter is the general and nationwide illusion that the tracks function as a trash bin, resulting in cows and stray dogs roaming about in the waste, feasting on plastic dinners. Speaking of dinner, the culinary festivities commence at 5 PM, even though Indians eat much later into the night. ”Chaaaaaaaaaaai!”, yells a guy, and the rest comes out in indecipherable hindi. The sellers hurry down the aisle in such rapidity that for once, I wish they would be a bit more insistant. Make a silly sound, grab them by the arm- anything! - And the spicy, steaming samosas and luscious lassis will be yours to devour. Simply by having a ball, you´ll be part of it all.

”I love Finland girls. You are so sexy”. It was my first train ride alone in India, and my good faith was about to come to a rapid end. Sure, looking back, I had been warned: Indian men have a tendency to behave inappropriately with solo women, but how could such a cliché turn out to be true? The subtler seducers settle for a wink, a thumbs up or the classic pursing of the lips, inviting one to a perfectly innocent public embrace in a society where holding hands with the opposite gender is considered improper (however both men and women hold hands with their same gendered comrades). I ignore the gentleman in the tuktuk, licking his lips and staring at me, immensely flatterered by the irresistibly charming man´s attention: tender seduction is a form of art in India. From now on - if anyone bothers to ask - I´m married. Once I was reading at a train station, when two female guards marched up to me, clearly a bit amused. They wanted to know -without further ado- if I had a son.

Hold your horses, there is more: while you are sipping your imaginery mojito, observing and obsessing over the excessive heat, your trainride may suddenly turn a teensy bit wild. For example, if you fancy a dinnermate, a monkey or a cow, sometimes even a knee-bending, giggling goat, will be happy to share your veg biryani. Ah yes, the animal kingdom has truly won my heart. A camel trotting down a busy street, a dog and a buffalo lying side by side in the middle of the road (because duuh, where else?), puppies, practically newborn, sniffing the odours of a new dawn, and a giant elephant parading down the street, dressed to impress. Indeed, nod your head a few more times, you are in for a terrifically dandy ride…and all of this for the price of a metro ticket in Oslo. Sadly though, the animals are exploited and maltreated, with the exception of the cow, which is holier than Mother Theresa. To say that vegeterianism is widespread in India would be an understatement, but though you won´t find any unethically considered egg or meat in a true hindu restaurant, milk always comes in bucketloads.

Ladies and gentlemen, our next stop is New Delhi station. Make sure you have all your belongings with you, and enjoy your day. I step off the metro train from the airport and gasp: all around me echos chaos. Yes, India can sometimes be a real pain In-di-a-ss, but also completely and utterly magical, unimaginable. Wisdom and willpower, thrill and taste, patience and persistense…these are some of my newly collected souvenirs. What can I say? Thanks. It wasn´t easy, but semi-permanent diarrhea and tinnitus aside, I have truly adventured. No country has left me standing in the middle of cow poo, alone, bag on back, tuktuks swarming around me like hungry sharks, clueless as to where to venture off, and for that I am strangely thankful. My first and last day differ not much, only my backpack and belly have gotten heavier (turns out, yoga does not cover for oily curries). No longer is India the scary, spicy threatening Asian subcontinent, but perhaps rather a frenemy: not quite a stranger, not quite a friend. The majority of the puzzle remains unsolved, but holi colors of the rainbow cover my body and musty incense forces its way up my nostrils: I have caught a sniff of magic.    

Tt.

Terminus

Bienvenue dans le Janta Express pour vingt-quatre heures de trajet extraordinairement ordinaire à grand train au milieu de vastes champs qui s’ouvrent à perte de vue, à travers des villages fascinants mais oubliés. Faites attention à la marche et sautez donc en SL, sleeper class, où vous partagerez votre logement temporaire – un espace avec trois rangées de bancs verticales qui se font face – avec de parfaits inconnus. Il est plutôt probable que vous vous retrouviez assise en face d’une dame âgée, drapée d’un sari, bracelets ballants sur les bras, les cheveux teints au henné et la peau si décolorée que Michael Jackson lui-même en aurait pâli ; son mari est calmement assis à ses côtés dans des vêtements sobres. Vous serez toujours salué par des sourires – les indiens dans les trains vont vous dévisager, vous décortiquer, mais ne manqueront jamais de vous accueillir comme l’un des leurs. Alors asseyez-vous, enlevez vos chaussures et profitez du voyage. Nulle part ailleurs une fille du nord ne pourrait se sentir plus en sécurité que dans ce wagon bleu clair, apaisant bien que plongé parfois dans le chaos de familles indiennes bruyantes et fouineuses qui se sont installées pour plus d'une journée sur les rails. Un homme aux lunettes rondes me tend deux cookies : la nourriture est offerte avec générosité, et dans le cas où cela n’arriverait pas, un vendeur ambulant passera certainement dans votre wagon toutes les cinq minutes pour vous proposer une offre variée de biens et de gadgets. Que ce soit un masala ou un marteau, le vendeur vous le pêchera d’un de ses grands baquets avant de vous demander quelques roupies pour ça. Si d’aventure vos achats vous laissaient avec quelques détritus sur les bras, pas d’inquiétude : vous pouvez simplement les jeter par la fenêtre qui reste constamment ouverte de toute façon. Toute la journée, je halète et je sue comme un chien dans un sauna mais dès que la nuit tombe, le vent froid tresse mes cheveux en une couronne de glace. Un voyage n’est jamais aussi beau que lorsqu’on se souviendra plus tard… C’est bon, vous avez une idée assez précise ? Attendez un peu, et réglez vous sur general class : pas de réservation mais pas cher non plus. Pour sûr il vous faudra un cœur hardi, car ce ne sera pas une partie de plaisir. On a rapporté que des passeports y ont été volés, et des rumeurs disent que le toit ferait un excellent lieu de camping… Seul un ticket pour un aller simple pourrait résoudre ce mystère. Près de moi, toute une famille se presse dans un seul siège. Les enfants chahutent bruyamment mais leur nourrice ne se laisse pas impressionner : elle gifle la joue des fillettes plutôt violemment. À mesure que le train ralentit, les voix s’élèvent, les pieds commencent à s’activer et, bientôt, tout un troupeau d’indiens bondit du train encore en marche. Pas besoin d’embrassades d’adieu, les trains indiens sont comme une grande maison, ouverte à tous. L’une des petites filles espiègles se retrouve soudainement de l’autre côté de la fenêtre en métal, l’œil humide, accroché à la main d’un peut-être cousin. Bientôt, elle et ses camarades seront séparées par des milliers de kilomètres. Pendant que je l’observe, je me branche sur ses émotions : adieux et trains, amants et lettres – classique, nostalgique, purement sentimental. La journée passe, le regard fixé sur la fenêtre qui voit défiler inlassablement d’éphémères tableaux de vies ordinaires : des travailleurs dans les champs, de grandes corbeilles en bois à leurs côtés, qui brûlent et se prélassent dans le chaleur de l’après-midi, des adolescents qui se rassemblent, bientôt rejoints par leurs amis en vélo, et qui se hâtent à travers le labyrinthe de maisons qui sépare leur village du terrain de cricket. Dans les gares solitaires, des vieillards lisent leurs journaux, des mendiants de tout âge pressent leurs visages contre les barreaux des fenêtres de votre cellule-wagon. Les rails sifflent et vrombissent et des milliers de passagers fusent à travers les terres infinies. Tous les sens en avant ! La sleeper class n’est peut-être pas luxueuse, mais votre système olfactif va recevoir un traitement de première classe : l’air autour et dans le train est rempli d’un pot-pourri de puanteurs dont l’urine est certainement la plus plaisante. Alors que la nuit s’avance, attendez vous, occasionnellement, à vous faire réveiller de la même façon que pouvaient le faire ces odeurs délicieuses qui s’échappaient du four où votre mère faisait, dans la tranquillité sereine d’un samedi matin, gonfler de savoureuses brioches à la cannelle. Sauf que dans ce cas, les principaux ingrédients de ces brioches viendraient de la fosse septique. Parfois, l’odeur est tellement épouvantable que j’en déduis que l’enfer lui-même doit être proche. L’idée générale et répandue dans l’ensemble du pays que les chemins de fer sont une poubelle n’aide pas exactement. Vaches et chiens errent en permanence dans les déchets, à se repaître de dîners en plastique. En parlant de dîner, les festivités culinaires commencent à 5h de l’après-midi, bien que les indiens mangent beaucoup plus tard que ça. « Chaaaaaaaaaaaai » hurle un type et le reste explose à mon oreille en un hindi indéchiffrable. Les vendeurs forcent l’allure le long de l’allée, à tel point que, pour une fois, j’aimerais bien qu’ils soient un poil plus insistant. Produis n’importe quel son, attrape-les par la main – tout ce que tu veux ! – et tu pourras librement dévorer les appétissants samosas, aussi fumants qu’épicés, ou les  lassis succulents. Un bon moment vous attend si vous décidez d’entrer dans la danse. « J’adore les filles Finlande. Vous êtes tellement sexy ». Mon premier voyage en train seule m’a vite fait déchanter. Bien sûr, lorsque je regarde en arrière, j’avais été prévenue : les hommes indiens ont tendance à se comporter de manière inappropriée avec les femmes seules, mais comment un tel cliché pouvait-il se révéler aussi vrai ? Les séducteurs les plus subtiles se contentent  d’un clin, un pouce levé ou d’un classique mouvement des lèvres, du genre qui vous invite à une étreinte parfaitement innocente dans une société où le simple fait de tenir en public la main d’une personne de l’autre sexe est considéré comme indigne (alors qu’il est au contraire très courant de voir, aussi bien un homme qu’une femme tenir la main d’un de ses camarades du même sexe). J’ignore le gentleman dans le tuktuk qui se lèche les lèvre en me dévisageant, immensément flattée par l’attention que me porte l’irrésistible charmeur ; pour sûr, la séduction en Inde est une forme d’art. À partir de maintenant, si quelqu’un demande : je suis mariée. Une fois que je lisais dans une gare, deux policières marchent vers moi, l’air clairement goguenard. Elles m’ont demandé – sans préambule particulier – si j’avais un fils. Mais attendez, ça n’est pas fini : alors que vous sirotez votre mojito imaginaire, alors que vous observez tout en maudissant la chaleur excessive, votre trajet en train peut tout d’un coup prendre un tour un tantinet plus sauvage.  Si vous rêviez de compagnie pour votre dîner, rassurez-vous : un singe, une vache, parfois même une chèvre cocassement posée sur ses genoux, se feront un plaisir de partager votre veg biryani. Eh oui, le règne animal a vraiment gagné mon cœur. Un chameau qui descend une rue passante, un chien et un buffle qui sont allongés côte à côte au milieu de route (ben parce que, voyons, où d’autre?), de jeunes chiots, pratiquement nouveaux-nés, qui reniflent les odeurs d’une aube nouvelle, ou encore un éléphant, harnaché pour intimider, qui parade le long d’une rue. Oui, vous pouvez hocher la tête encore quelques fois, vous êtes effectivement partis pour un tour effroyablement excitant… et tout ça pour le prix d’un ticket de métro à Oslo. En revanche, les animaux sont assez tristement exploités et maltraités en général, à l’exception de la vache, évidemment, qui est plus sainte encore que Mère Theresa. Dire que le végétarisme est répandu en Inde serait un euphémisme, et pourtant, bien que vous ne trouverez jamais d’aliments considérés aussi immoraux que des œufs ou de la viande dans un réel restaurant hindou, le lait y est consommé par baquets entiers. Mesdames et messieurs, notre train s’arrêtera prochainement à New Delhi Station. Assurez-vous de n’avoir rien oublié à bord et profitez de votre journée. Je descend du métro qui m’amène de l’aéroport et ma respiration se bloque dans ma poitrine : tout autour de moi se répercutent des échos de chaos. Alors oui, parfois vous aurez l’impression que ce pays vous la met bien prof-inde, mais la magie qui s’en dégage est tout à fait inimaginable à l’étranger. Sagesse et volonté, goût et frisson, patience et persistance… ce sont certains de mes nouveaux souvenirs. Que dire ? Merci. Ça n’était pas facile tous les jours, mais, si l’on excepte les coliques semi-permanentes et les acouphènes, je peux dire que j’ai vraiment vécu l’aventure. Aucun autre pays ne m’avait laissée debout dans les bouses de vaches, seule, le sac sur le dos, sans la moindre idée de la direction dans laquelle je devrais me mettre en route, avec des essaims de tuktuks qui me tournent autour comme des requins affamés, et pour tout ça, je me sens étrangement reconnaissante. Mon premier et mon dernier jour ne sont en fait pas si différents, si ce n’est que mon sac et mon estomac se sont plutôt alourdis (il s’est avéré que le yoga ne compense pas les currys pleins d’huile). L’Inde n’est plus ce sous-continent asiatique effrayant, aux épices menaçantes mais peut-être plutôt un étrami : plus tout à fait un étranger, pas encore tout à fait un ami. La majorité du puzzle reste évidemment irrésolu, mais les holies couleurs de l’arc-en-ciel couvrent mon corps et d’épais relents d’encens se frayent un chemin jusqu’à mes narines : j’ai pu saisir un parfum de magie.

Tt.