#ive gotten myself into trouble massaging an idea with no conflict

[otpofotps]

im not yet 20 but already the appeal of drinking has dramatically decreased in the last month

things that i do when i drink too much 1) have no filter and rant about things like feminism, sex, and japan 2) touch people way too much 3) hyperventilate (this is a relatively new discovery)

all these things have gotten me into trouble and in such a concentrated time period. im intensely uncomfortable with things people know about me, even though i like that the distance between me and some other people have decrease, but maybe thats not how i envisioned it or how i really want it. alcohol is a social lubricant, and yes, it makes it a hell lot easier to get to know people, but i think i’ve discovered that this is not what i wanted. the struggle is hard. but this is not how i wanted to get to know them and this is not how i wanted them to get to know me.

im writing this text post because the second point is really of concern right now.

last friday we went out and so we drank in the park afterwards and like. i say we but i really didnt drink that much so holy hell i was way too sober to deal with what happened, which is that there is this one boy, lets call him D, who i was not really all that friendly with before but now ive gone drinking with him three times, and every time i without a doubt end up the most touchy with him, mostly because he takes care of me because (according to him) ‘i just feel like i need to take care of people’

which yes yes hes a very good guy in that respect and so it pains me to say this but

last friday (a la the park) he came up behind me while i was talking to someone and just embraced me from behind, and i was just so incredibly sober and my brain went what the hell is he doing

he put his arms around my neck and put the weight of his head resting on top of my head. i was wearing my coat with the hood up so it doesn’t sound as strange but jesus christ

and the person i was talking to commented ‘you and maki are being very intimate right now’ and D says in response ‘maki and i always get like this’

and he like stayed in that position for a good minute and i, like the fucking idiot i am, didn’t express my discomfort and just let him stay there, and here i am thinking about it days later because i am still really uncomfortable thinking about it

once upon a time when i was in probably somewhere around second to last year of elementary school, i had a tutor for the summer who’s house i would go over to to learn japanese from. i might have told this story before, maybe not on tumblr. the tutor was male and much, much older like maybe in his 50s, 60s. the lessons were normal. except when we would take breaks and he would give neck and back massages to me. massages. and sometimes he would randomly hug me (from behind). and then not let go even if i struggled.

i’m not saying i’m traumatised by this event or if it has even shaped any major part of who i am at the moment. i don’t tell a lot of people this story because i’m always conflicted whether i was overreacting or whether i was right to be freaking out (internally). i never told my parents and i never will. but the hug from D brought back this memory. and the intense discomfort i felt back then and the discomfort i feel now have layered onto each other.

i’m not okay with D. i’m not okay with the hug. i told my friend about it the moment i got home on friday and his first response was 'you must always say if you are uncomfortable’ and his second was 'like i’ve said before, you have to be careful because the way you act when drunk sets a bad precedence’

like the way that i acted with D when previously drunk is the justification for why he gets to hug me from behind and i shouldn’t be surprised. i don’t think ive ever hugged him before. at most maybe leaning on him for support. i hate the way he says 'maki’ in that teasing tone. he touched my back lightly today and said 'maki’ in response to me turning around to say something as we were walking to the station and my first internal thought was 'what makes you think you can touch me so casually.’

i thought a lot about, even before last friday, how much of the 'nice guy’ trope he embodies. the ultimate friendzone meme. im not attracted to him at all. yeah, i have no chill. if this was coming from someone who i was attracted to maybe it would be different. i have no idea. all i know is that i’m not down with it. im not down that he thinks he can touch me, even and especially when we are not drinking. im not down that he thinks he can handle me or that he 'needs’ to be my caretaker when i’m drunk. yes, i needed help those last two times. but i’m never putting myself there again. because i never want to have to lean on him again. i never want to feel obligated to be nice to him and not voice my discomfort. i will not fall victim to guilt.

also, fuck my friend for implying its my fault (even if it is)

[bloginstantmooncollector-blog]

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when I first passed my test 3 years ago at age 17 my insurance was almost 6000 for third party only on a ford fiesta. this was the rough price for this make/model on all insurance companies i got a quote from. Two weeks ago i did a quote for a fiesta hoping its reduced in price (three years later, havent drove since i passed my test ) and third party only was roughly 2000 with all companies i tried and FULLY COMP has been roughly 900-1000 with all companies i have recently tried. so why is fully comp alot more cheaper than third party only? I Have tried quotes with lots of different companies and gocompare and they all came up really cheap. However, today I done another quote on a fiesta I was hoping to buy today, and the quotes have come up at between 1800 and 3000. All details have always been the same- all quotes i have done have been on a 1.2 ford fiesta. so firstly why is FULLY COMP cheaper than THIRD PARY and why has my insrunce suddenly gone from cheap to expensive within the last few days? thanks""

How to lower price for car insurance?

Hi.So I bought Renault Clio 1.2 16v Extreme for 2.5k . It has modifited alloys (16'),tinted black windows and back lights a'la Lexus. Obviously car was from 2nd hand so these modifications arent worth more than 250-300. I'm 18 years old and Im holding my driving license for 1 month. I quoted myself on many car insurance websites and all I see is 2900-3300 to insure it if I type that my car is modifited (without mods it's 1,8k to insure) ! My question is: Is there car insurance company that will not cover modifited parts but it will cover rest of the car so I'll pay like for non-modifited car? If it is - what's the name of that company. Thank you.""

What are the cheapest insurance companies in Canada?

What are the cheapest insurance companies in Canada?

What is a good car for a 17 year old. and what is the cheapest insurance?

What is a good car for a 17 year old. and what is the cheapest insurance?

Is it legal for some1 with an International driver license to drive an insured car in California?

The car is mine and the car is insured under my name only. Will my cousin get in trouble if she drives my insured car even though her name is not included in the auto insurance policy? Or will it be okay?

Am I required to get health insurance!?

I am retired, I have health insurance thru my wife's employer. Can her employer require me to get insurance thru my retirement since it is available? It is not affordable, about $850 per month. Almost negates my entire monthly payment. it is not COBRA. What is the Ohio law about this?""

Car insurance clio 17 man WTF!?

Right how can i bring my insurance down from 3000! its acutal pathetic! I can't get a quote under 3000 that i can pay monthly i got a clio 1.2 ffs! any help please! been on gocompare n its no good! SOMEONE HELP PLEASE! (:

Car accident with no insurance?

I was stopped at a red light behind two cars. Both cars started to go and so did I the next thing I knew I had hit the car in front of me. The car in front of me hit the car in front of him. We all pulled over my car isnt to bad but I drive a suburban, the car in front of me was a smaller car so his looked a little worse. Nobody was hurt, and all cars were drivable, so we decided to not call the police we just all exchanged information. After we had finished and they left I immediately called my insurance lady to let her know what happened. I am not super clear on this next part, we have been going back and forth with our insurance since that call and will continue to fight it. When I called the insurance lady she said I wasnt covered. She said that they had received the last payment much later than it was due (not sure how because it was mailed the same time as always) but because of that our insurance had been cancelled. A couple of weeks ago they had chased our check, she said we were reinstated as of yesterday (the day of the accident) but because it was the same day they werent liable to pay the damages. We are going to keep fighting them because I dont think its fair. Even if they decide that they wont pay we can afford to just pay for the damages to the rear end of the car in front of us, because know matter what happened I am at fault for following to close. We cant afford to pay out of our pocket also for his front end and the rear end of the first car. Shouldnt those damages be covered by the car I hit because he was obviously following to close to the car in front of him? Im a little freaked out with all this, this is the first accident I have ever been in and we have always had insurance, so we thought. The insurance company did say they mailed us a cancellation notice but if they did we have never received one.""

Good morning! Can anyone suggest a good dental insurance plan?

We had blue cross and blue shield and were not happy with it! We live in a semi small area and the only dentist office that accepted our plan never called us back after 15 voice mails and NEVEr answered their phones so we never were able to make an appointment! So I cancelled the policy. We need some dental insurance. I need to take my son in to get his teeth looked at and my husbands. We live in FL and there just doesn't seem to be a lot that I'm finding. Anyone have a suggestion?

""Please, what company can I get maternity insurance coverage with in Florida?""

My husband and I are not yet pregnant, but we are already trying. We do not qualify for medicaid and have no health insurance. We do not want to wait the twelve month waiting period before getting pregnant. So far my only option seems to be Ameriplan. I was hoping for more options.""

I often drive a friend's car. What companies offer Non-car owner auto insurance?

Everywhere i look online just offer get a quote then you have to enter a type of car. I don't own a car but I need insurance to take my driver's test in North Carolina. I couldn't find this type of insurance offered on any websites.

Where do i get health insurance if i am a student in school?

i am a student 22 years old. i need affordable health insurance. i have no job. i think i am going deaf and blind. where can i get insurance in washington state?

Cyro Cuff covered by insurance?

Can a Cyro Cuff be covered by insurance? I'm about to have knee surgery (ACL replacement) and I want to know if anyone's ever gotten insurance to pay for a Cyro Cuff?

Motorcycle insurance in MA ?

Hi i have called several insurance companies about insurance for a motorcyle in MA. i havent found one that offered it. Geico, even nationwide and allstate dont offer it. i dont understand how Allstate doesnt offer motorycle insurance in all states but any suggestions or cheap insurances for a single 18 y.o in MA would help. thanx""

Adding someone to insurance?

If my insurance started on jan 2009-2010 and I add another person in few months will the insurance card still say form jan 2009 or will it be the date I added the person?

Who does the cheapest temp cover car insurance?

Who does the cheapest temp cover car insurance?

How much is car insurance for a new driver?

How much would car insurance cost in BC in a rural area for a 17 year (new driver). Thanks

Car insurance for an 18 year old?!?

Hi all, my cousin's 18th birthday is coming up and i've been charged with finding out what car insurance is like for 18 year olds. would it be cheaper to put her on her mother's car insurance (white BMW, automatic, about 2 and a bit years old, not sure of exact model) or to get her a second hand smaller car with a smaller engine? I have no idea! Her parents aren't willing really to pay ridiculous amounts which insurance for 18 year olds can get to! please help! thanks""

At what ages does auto insurance rates rise?

At what ages does auto insurance rates rise?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-cost-94-cadillac-devill-kurt-calvo"